i feel so bad.

my mom's such a shit person. but she loves me.

and i'm destroying myself.

being underweight so ppl pick me up to feel how light i am.

letting myself rot so my mom can finally realize what her shitty parenting has done to me </3

thinspo

being tiny enough that your boyfriend can wrap his big, warm hands around your tiny, fragile, cold waist <3

i love it when ppl call me skinny

i’ve always loved being called light, tiny or skinny fsr.  i was average until i hit puberty, then i started binging and i gained a lot of weight, so i’ve never rlly been called skinny.

when i was 13, i sent to my boyfriend att.  i was posed in a way w my waist turned to that 3/4 angle so i look tiny, yk.  anyway when we broke up became an asshole and wtv.  i remember in class he was showing some boys the picture of me on his phone.  one of them said, ‘why is she so skinny?’ and another one was like ‘because she is’

i wasn’t even mad he showed them.  i was happy they thought i was skinny.  and this started my unofficial ed.

since then, i’ve moved countries.  during and after the move, i lost a bunch of weight due to stress and limiting.  i used to be one of the “bigger” girls, but since i moved back to the us, everyone else is so mature.  i used to be tall.  i used to be fat.  now, everyone is taller than me.  everyone is bigger than me.  everyone is stronger than me.  i love it when they call me tiny.  i love it when they pick me up just to feel how light i am.  i love it when ppl in school pull my chair and are surprised by how easily i can be moved. 

i love being smaller than average.

ed thoughts

its so weird how i have the body now that ive wanted for 3+ years. and now that i'm average, i'm just, average. maybe a little light for my age but that's about it. 12yo me would've thought i was perfect, but thanks to ana, i have to keep losing. 🙄