just a reminder

in a few months, it will be swimsuit season, and nobody is gonna like the way you look if you aren't stick-thin by then. don't you want to be the prettiest in the room?

SO FUCKING TIRED OF HAVING NASTY ASS STOMACH ROLLS WHEN I SIT DOWN.

TIRED OF MY FATTY THIGHS TOUCHING.

FUCK FOOD. FUCK FAT.

It's always the little things, isn't it? Being left on read when you send a long genuine post to help the other person. Asking your sibling to bake a cake for you because you'll be alone on your birthday only for them to tell you they didn't have time to make it. Having parents that control and manipulate you even as an adult. Seeing others go out and spend time with each other while you cry yourself to sleep everyday. When will you realize it's all pointless. When will you realize that the pain will never end. This is it. There is no main act. There is no turn around. Life isn't a movie. There is nothing to look forward to. Nothing that brings happiness. Just face it. You're alone and live a pathetic life and always will.

I feel like I’m losing my mind. Everyday is just so painful. I wish I could sleep 15 hours like how everyone else does but I just can’t. Why can’t I just sleep? I need sleeping pills. I’m so tired of this. I’m so tired of having to stay like this in each waking moment knowing that there’s nothing I can do to numb the pain or the feeling of knowing how worthless you are and your existence. What is the point? I can’t seem to see beyond this gray line. Nothing is worth it anymore. I’m slipping away. Again.

I just find that i dont even enjoy food anymore. Whenever i try to treat myself it only feels good in the moment but it quickly passes and im left with a shitty feeling that bleeds out into the next day. My stomach hurts and i just feel so heavy drowsy and depressed. When im not starving im literally not happy at this point

I noticed something. I noticed that when I was eating only a little but still eating 3 meals a day and still losing weight, it didnt feel right to me. Because i didnt feel empty. Even though the weight was slipping off, it didnt feel fast enough or right. I noticed that i now yearn for this feeling of emptiness in my stomach. The feeling of being light and clean. Not stuffed with food. How nice it feels. Thats what i need. Emptiness. Because emptiness leads to true weightloss and ana will be proud

Getting my period is a sign of defeat to me. Imagine how nice it would feel to not get it. To not have to sit through the hours of nonstop cramps and nausea and dizzyness. Imagine not having to deal with any of that. But instead I just stuff my fucking face. I'll never be small enough to not get my period. I hate myself. So. Fucking. Much

I used to be able to starve and love it. Now its just torture. I hate this sick feeling in my gut. I hate that i feel so sluggish and lose energy to do anything. I hate that i lose motivation. Maybe its just me. Maybe its just this emptyness. I wish i was fucking skinny so i wouldnt have to worry about this shit.

Im setting new rules for myself:

- 450 calories a day

- Carbs every other day

- No eating after 7

- Drink 4 water bottles everyday

- Always weigh yourself in the morning

- Water fast twice a week

Im struggling so much. I used to have such willpower that would prevent me from eating for days. Id fight against the cravings and win. Where did it all go? I feel like im constantly telling myself "tomorrow ill start again and stick to it" and i never do. I keep resetting. Im constanty stuck in this never ending loop and it hurts. So. Fucking. Much. Whenever i feel hungry its like theres this mental battle in my head. A part of me tells myself to give up on ana so i can be free and eat anything i want. Ana tells me that i shouldnt listen to that voice and that ill regret like i always do. In the end ana doesnt win. And the regret comes back. Like a poison. I just want to starve. I NEED to starve and feel how clean it feels. To not be bloated. To not be so. Fucking. Heavy. Im stuck and i dont know what to do. Its so depressing

I wish I hated food as much as I hated my body.

People will never understand nor care about anything you say so you just starve. Create an emptyness within. And then you look in the mirror and see how pretty you became. How the rest of them have the fat clinging to their bodies but you. Youre thin and delicate and light like a fairy. And theyll regret what they said. But it wont even matter because youre too far off gone to return.

Think about what you want in the long term, not now. Throw away that junk. Don't you dare take a bite of that shit. Food is temporary, skinnyness is forever. Always remember.

~♡Stay Lovely♡~

Imagine being skinny and light and delicate and wearing all the outfits you want and actually looking good in them. Oh but youre too busy eating like the fatass you are, arent you?

~♡ Just imagine yourself with that thigh gap. With delicate arms and tiny curvy waist. With legs that look longer and daintier. And finally, just finally, you can wear anything you want and look good in it. That's what you can achieve. ~♡

You can do this. You can

lose the weight. Food is

just a distraction. Skinny-

ness is forever. ~★~

And it was at that moment that I felt all the fat in my body clinging to me like a parasite. The moment I took another bite despite ana telling me otherwise. And i payed the price for it.