servamp-shit
Servamp Angst
Looking for angst, I am here. Mostly gonna be writings.
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You know what? I love how Strike does this thing
Where they establish a trait or a catchphrase for a character that’s a joke, a punchline, and you laugh at it.
You mock it.
It’s just a gag, right?? It’s funny.
But then
Strike pulls the rug out from under you.
They reveal that the haha funny joke you laughed at is tied to a character’s trauma and suddenly all those moments hit different
Shamrock’s paranoia about Sakuya and his hero worship of Tsubaki aren’t just jokes
Shamrock was betrayed and left behind by the person he trusted the most, looked up to the most
Tsubaki saved him and gave him a second chance to live, propped him up and swore to him that he wouldn’t do what had been done before.
Kuro’s “can’t deal” and “can’t face it”
He’s scared. He’s terrified that if he moves an inch, takes a single step, everything around him will break. He can’t make his own decisions. He’s paralyzed. Always second guessing, wondering if he’s wrong, wrong, everything about him is wrong-!
Sakuya’s obsession with lies is tied to how everyone he knew lied and pretended his home life was okay. It wasn’t a secret what his parents were doing to him. But nobody cared enough to help. And then he, too, went and lied. It became a coping mechanism, as well as a form of self harm. Telling stories and making things up, falling further and further into the role of a liar, the thing he hates more than anything.
Mikuni’s dumb bit with Abel hits different, too, when you consider what Abel represents
Abel is his standin for Misono—
The little brother he loves more than anything, short of himself, and can’t dote on and support nearly as much as he wants to
Misono calling everyone ‘bastard’ is… Self explanatory LMAO. Strike why
Even Shuuhei’s ridiculous “I thought this might happen, so I already prepared X”
He’s trying to cut down on variables. Trying to retain control. Trying to make it so that he’s never caught unprepared… Like his father was.
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Why Licht isn't the leader of the Eves...
Licht, throws a laptop Tetsu: Tetsu's weakness? Tech.
Tetsu: I know "ctrl-alt-backspace"...
Licht, lights a match: Misono's fire.
Misono: Who isn't weak against fire?
Licht, looks at Mahiru: Yours is crippling self-doubt mixed insecurity that makes you try to save everyone around you.
Mahiru: Hey, that's really personal compared to fire!
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Okay.
So we have the servamps: the seven deadly sins.
We then have the eves: the seven virtues.
To further explain:
Sleep Ash of Sloth (Kuro) resembles, as his name states, the sin of Sloth.
Mahiru Shirota. Mahiru is seen to be a simple person and take on responsibilities instead of waiting on someone to take charge. He represents diligence. He holds no emotion or want to be lazy. He’s doing everything he can to work.
Lawless of Greed (Hyde). Hyde tends to want and want, he attempts to go and get it. If he wants a new eve, he kills his old one off.
Licht Jekylland Todoroki. Licht has shown many times that he is a free spirit and holds almost no greed. He tends to see himself as an angel sent to purge the demons. He represents the virtue liberality—he tends to give and live freely, despite being a tsundere and a traveling pianist.
In this essay, I—
#servamp#headcanons#mahiru shirota#kuro#sleepy ash of sloth#sleepy ash#licht jekylland todoroki#lawless of greed#lawless#Hyde
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Okay, what the hell is Mahiru? Why did Tsubaki have to ruin the reveal? No, you know what? Mahiru is a regular human and didn’t get any special powers.
Also kuro’s inner demon is so hot.
Gear can like get it.
Rip family.
And yeah, that’s it. >:)
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Blind Part 2
Three days. It takes Mahiru three days to wake up. Sleepy Ash stayed there the entire time, eating and sleeping. He would take a shower at around midnight and go right back to his side. The others would visit but they would leave after a while, the tension too awkward. The doctors had taken the wrap off his eyes a few minutes ago to check on them. It scared them at first when they saw them on their friend but the nurse calmly explained it was so his eyes wouldn't get infected from whatever was thrown into them. They had cleaned his eyes out, ridding the substance from them and placing the bandages on to keep from anything getting in them.
Hazel eyes comes into view when eyelids flutter open, indicating his wakening. Sleepy Ash stands at the door, leaning against the doorframe having gotten tired of sitting. His attention is drawn by a small whimper, looking over to the bed. His eyes widen somewhat at seeing his Eve awake, hazel irises staring at the ceiling. As he gets closer, but he notices something wrong. "Mahiru," he says uncertainly. It's when he speaks that the feeling of concern grows.
"K-Kuro?" His voice holds doubt, his face scrunched up in confusion.
"I'm here, Mahiru."
"Turn on the lights." He freezes, crimson eyes staring widely at his friend. He takes note on how different his eyes look. No. "Kuro? Why is the room dark?"
He takes a breath, swallowing thickly as he gets closer. He clenches his teeth as he realizes who has done this to him. He knows what is wrong, but he just can't keep the panic and the disbelief out of his mind. The two feelings rush through his body. This has never happened before. Why did it have to ever even occur? "Mahiru...the lights are on."
That terrifies him. Mahiru's eyes flicks from one thing to another, but they do not see anything. He freaks out, not able to believe it. Mahiru is shaking as he shouts, "No!" His breathing falters for a moment as he realizes. "I...I can't...Kuro?" His voice cracks on his name, Kuro staring at him with worry. He grabs his hand and squeezes it with comfort. His eyes begin to water, the tears spilling over onto his cheeks; Kuro looking pained for the sixteen year old. It was his fault, he should've protected him, should've gotten there faster. What type of Servamp was he to let his Eve get hurt and now blind? He swears that he was not going to let Shamrock get away with this.
A male nurse walks in and notices him awake, asking a few questions before telling them that he'll get a doctor. The doctor comes in with a smile which falters when she notices the problem right away. She walks over, taking a pen light and shining it in his eyes, moving it a bit but no reaction. "I apologize, Shirota Mahiru." Her voice is soft and gentle, like a warm blanket during a harsh cold winter. "The damage done to your eyes can be cured with surgery but without the consent of your guardian and for them to fill out papers, I can't do anything at the moment.* We've tried reaching your uncle but he has yet to answer, but we'll do our best to get him here." She leaves them to process the information.
It is silent and extremely suffocating, weighing down on them like an elephant sitting on their chests. His eyes are open but unseeing, he feels Kuro next to him and the comforting hand on his back. Tears spilling onto his light rosy cheeks as his shoulders shake with silent sobs. "Mahiru, it's going to be okay. You'll get through this, we'll always be there to help you." He says nothing as he buries his face into his chest. "You're strong, I know you'll get through this. Everything will be okay." Kuro falls silent afterwards, not having comforted many people for a long time so he's awkward on how to comfort.
The news of it all, it hurts. The Eves and Servamps sadly stare at their friend, unsure of what to say. Misono walks over and places a hand on his shoulder. "We'll always be here to help you, Mahiru. You have helped all of us, now let us return the favor."
He gives a weak smile at them, nodding. "Thank you." His eyes are closed, knowing that they may look freaky to some people. He just hopes that this won't make him a burden, that it won't have them fussing over him or restricting him. He wants to continue to help people and not let anyone do his job for him. He hopes that he doesn't annoy Kuro too much, knowing that he gets extremely lazy. Mahiru sighs as he rests a hand on his wounds, wondering how much life is going to change. What will he tell his uncle? How would he explain to him that he lost his sight? thinks Kuro.
"Mahiru, what are you going to tell your uncle?" Lawless surprises everyone with his question, but they all look curious.
"I'll tell him that it was a cooking accident. That I was reaching for a spice and accidentally knocked it or something else down, it falling into my eyes." Mahiru shrugs, hugging himself as he thought of something else. "I would've said I had hit the back of my head, but no, the spice thing would be easier. It's simple and because the doctors will probably say that my eyes got affected by a powder type thing."
Lawless raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean hitting your head?"
"Do you know anything about human anatomy shit-rat?" Licht asks, more like shouts, hitting him.
"Licht, be nicer." He hears him mutter something under his breath, but he continues, "And because the occipital lobe is in the back of the brain. It is involved with vision. Hit that hard enough and you can be blinded." Mahiru taps his thigh with a yawn.
Kuro looks at his siblings and their Eves. "We should leave to let you sleep, Mahi-Mahi." Sleepy Ash sees him nod and watches his breathing even, ushering the others out. He sighs and gazes at them with sadness in his crimson orbs.
"We're going to be there for him," comments Misono. "We're going to help him, he's our friend. Don't worry, Sloth." Mahiru has helped us day after day since he had met us, it's our turn to return the favor.
*I am not sure if that is right or not. If not please say so and I will do my best to fix it.
#part 2 of 2#servamp angst#servamp#blind!mahiru#poor mahiru#can this be considered an au?#what is wrong with me?
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Blind
It was not supposed to be like this. How did it happen? The sky is dark with clouds, a dark gloom casted upon it with sadness as it gazed down at the group. Tears streaming from the heavens, falling onto the grounds where two people stand and stare at the figure that lays in another's arms. The figure unmoving, body shuddering with a cough.
* * *
Lightning flashed with warning of the upcoming storm. Two figures walked alongside each other, silence hanging between them. One held an umbrella against his shoulder, a backpack on his shoulders that held a black cat which snoozed and made no sound. The other figure held an aura of sophistication, authority, with a beautiful pink butterfly resting on his shoulder. He glanced over at his company who wore a small frown, eyebrows furrowed, all tells of him being in deep thought. Soon he got tired and bent over, his hand on his knees, drawing his company's attention. "Misono?"
"I'm tired, Shirota." He breathed out, groaning as he sat down on a chair the miraculously appeared out of nowhere. Shirota Mahiru, his companion, sighed but said nothing about it. He knew that he had trouble, his body weak, not to mention the fact that they had been walking for a while now. The heels of his feet were hurting as well so he sat down on the ground beside him, glancing up at the gray sky. He tapped the umbrella that rested on his shoulder.
The cat in his bag meowed and jumped out, glaring at the hazel eyed teen. "Mahiru, why didn't we just take the car?" he complained as he stretched.
Now, most would be freaked out about a cat speaking, but the cat was actually a vampire that represented one of the eight deadly sins. These vampires are known as servant vampires, Servamps, they served their masters called, Eves. Mahiru is the Eve of the Servamp of Sloth, also known as "Sleepy Ash" or newly named "Kuro." Misono was the Eve of the Servamp of Lust, named "All of Love" or "Snow Lily." Mahiru stared at the cat with a sigh. "Kuro, the apartment isn't all that far."
The butterfly flew off Misono's shoulder and changed into a handsome, tall, slender male with blond hair that grazes his shoulders. "Now, now, Kuro, be patient." He let his jacket slipped down, revealing some skin.
"Ugh, what a pain."
"Stop stripping you pervert!" shouted Mahiru, being responded with a small smile and Lily covering himself up. They rested a good bit before standing and starting to walk, Mahiru pausing in his tracks. He noticed a black figure farther away in a deserted park. He frowned and was about to say something but Kuro beat him to the punch.
"Mahiru, we need to run." Kuro noticed the figure that stood not too far from where the four were. His lack of interest was gone, just the need to get all of them to safety. Lily grabbed Misono's arm and led them away. The figure followed them, sending a kick to Lily's back. That sent the Servamp of Lust into the vacant park.
"Lily!" yelled Misono as he ran over to his Servamp. The Eve helped him to his feet, glancing around to look for the figure. Mahiru and Sleepy Ash were right beside him, keeping their guard up. Mahiru's eyes widened when he recognized the person. Light blond hair, tall, and wearing a suit. The most recognizable feature was his eyepatch.
"You're one of Tsubaki's subclasses!" said Mahiru who narrowed his eyes as he clenched his fists. Kuro sighed, knowing what was going to happen. It was such a pain. Mahiru made no move to attack though, he just stayed where he was, looking at the subclass-Shamrock if he remembered right.
"Yes, and you're that Shirota kid. The Eve of Sloth. You cause way too much trouble, it's really annoying." He clicked his tongue, shaking his head as he stared at the four. "Oh, and you have friends. The Eve of Lust. Too weak, won't be much of a trouble."
Misono clenched his teeth as he moved into a fighting position. "What are you doing here?"
"Me? Oh, well you see, I was just walking around and happen to stumble upon the one who deserves to die, and his servamp." He didn't let them speak, attacking the four of them. His main target was right in front his own Servamp, who was hiding behind his Eve. How pathetic, but what else would be expected from Sloth?
"Kuro!" Mahiru yelled to which he was responded with being bitten. A chain appeared connecting the two together as the vampire ran and attacked the subclass. The Eve took out his lead and glanced at the Lust pair, nodding. Lily joined the fight with the other Servamp. Mahiru and Misono were about to join in but, much to their dismay and terrible luck, another figure landed behind them. They turned at the sound of a thump and found a subclass that they've never seen before. The two worked together, but Misono wouldn't be able to last too long or do much. They defended themselves the best they could until Lust left Sloth long enough to kill the other subclass before getting Misono away to regain his energy. Mahiru went to help Kuro out, the two worked well, no pattern to their attacks thus causing confusion. They were partners that knew what the other was thinking without much of a hassle.
"Enough!"
Shamrock threw a punch at Kuro which sent him flying, landing a few meters away. There was a pained cry when Shamrock threw something that caused Mahiru to cover his eyes, next Shamrock sent a few knives flying at him. He was too disoriented to move, getting hit in the abdomen by two of them. He gasped as he coughed up blood, hitting the ground as a thump resonated throughout the park. "Mahiru!" The Lust pair looked up to see Kuro staring at his trembling Eve that laid on his side. Anger and fury surged through Kuro and he attacked the subclass.
* * *
"Mahiru!" They run over as Shamrock is being taken care of by Kuro. Mahiru groans and winces at the pain that courses through his body as he's turned onto his back by Misono, who then holds him to close to his body. His eyes are clenched tight as he whimpers from the stinging. He coughs up the warm, copper tasting, red liquid. It splattering onto his face and Misono's clothes, body trembling with the force. He whimpers gripping his friend's shirt, his breathing hitching as he tries to keep from throwing up.
"Ku...ro," he breathes out as his voice cracks. He is trying to calm his breathing but the pain practically overloads his senses. "Miso...no. Lily." He falls into a coughing fit, splattering more blood onto his shirt and face. The Eve of Lust grimaces at the sight of all the blood, looking up at his Servamp who holds a pained look on his face as he watches his brother fight the subclass with ruthless attacks. Soon the subclass runs when he notices that he will not be able to defeat Sleepy Ash.
The Eve of Lust stares down at his friend who was in pain and dying. This should not have happened, but why did it? Mahiru, albeit reckless, is always careful to keep from getting hurt. The sky rolls with thunder and rain drizzles down onto them. "Mahiru, don't say anything. Save your strength, we're going to get you to a hospital."
Kuro is breathing heavily with anger but reigns it in when he remembers his hurt Eve. He comes over and stares down at his Eve in the hands of the rich kid, kneeling and grabbing a hold of him. He takes him out of his arms and picks him up, holding him against his chest. He is gentle with him, not wanting to hurt him anymore. "I'll get him there, you two, tell the others what happened." He's worried for his Eve who whimpers and will not open his eyes, bleeding from the stab wounds in his stomach. He gazes at the two others, who see another look on his face than just laziness, concern. They knew he is the fastest Servamp and it's his Eve who is hurt so it makes sense that he should be the one to get Mahiru to the hospital quicker than an automobile.
They nod and watch Sleepy Ash run off. Misono sits upon Lily's shoulders as he heads to the hospital to meet up with the other two, calling Licht and Testu and telling them what had occurred. The two are really worried and agreed to meet up at the hospital.
Kuro sits in the waiting room, tapping his foot as he waits impatiently. He can feel their bond weaken as his Eve slips away from the doctors' hands. He sees his brothers and beckons them over to where he resides. They say nothing as he grimaces and frowns, his eyebrows furrowing. "The bond is weakening, isn't it?" questions a vampire with blond hair and brown tips—Lawless.
They look at the cat vampire wanting an answer for the question that had been asked. "Yes." That sends everyone into silence as they wait for a word.
An hour or two later, a doctor comes and asks for the ones with Mahiru. The seven of them stand. "Shirota Mahiru is okay, he was lucky to get here in time. He lost a lot of blood but he's okay now. We gave him a blood transfusion." Even though the news is good something isn't right, for they notice the pained look on her face. She sighs and states something that terrifies them.
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You asked for headcannons? All of Gluttony's subclass died fighting Tsubaki, he was the first to loose all his jin, and his eve dropped him like a hot potato afterwards.
*this is short and thank you for the headcanon.*
Much to his brother’s lack of knowledge, he wasn’t the same as before. He acted the way he used to be so that he wouldn’t worry his siblings. It hurt so much. World End knew that they were stressed and it wasn’t something he wanted to add to. He acted his usual boisterous self, being loud and yelling for food. They didn’t know that he just had no want for it. He continued with such a facade that hides his suffering. It would’ve gone longer, that was if it wasn’t for the one with his oldest brother’s Eve.
He had tried hiding his woes. The Servamp of Gluttony’s facade was slowly crumbling and soon he would soon show how weak he had become. It was true, he became so weak. He was barely doing anything anymore to the fact that his oldest brother the Servamp of Sloth himself was doing more than ever. It hurt so much that no one saw his suffering, no one but that one smiling human that helped everyone.
It was during one of the most recent meetings they had. He sat away, less loud than ever and more secluded from the bunch. The Eve of Sloth noticed and made his way over to the one who dropped his facade. “World End, are you alright?” His kindness, his concern, it radiated off of him. It basically caused him to waver in his response.
“I’m…I’m fine.” His voice was quieter and it brought a frown to the teen. From what he had heard, this World End was not what he was told. “Please, just go.”
He didn’t. He sat beside him and looked up at him. “You don’t have to speak, but I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
With those few words, he broke down against the younger male. He was held and comforted before he started speaking, his wails echoing throughout the room and earning attention from the others. They were angered. They wanted to find the ones responsible for their brother’s distress, but, for now, they settled on being with him.
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Headcanons
Okay! Let me just start with the title. I need y’all to send me headcanons—like ANGSTY AS SHIT headcanons. I don’t care for which of the characters, I need to know y’all’s thoughts be ideas.
Next, should I add in a little more poetry like how I’ve been doing or…no?
Third: On the Kidnapped!Mahiru one shots, should I add something more to it?
Finally: fan art. I will love to see angsty fan art. Anyone know where I can find it?
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Insanity
This is something for my insane!Mahiru fic, which I really need to update. Ugh…life.
When I was younger, I was bullied. I remember how I would be pushed around, how every time I tried to stand up for myself, I would only receive terrible insults from the other kids. I remember how the teachers never believed me when I tried to tell them about the bullying, my uncle didn’t find out until the last time I told a teacher. The kids, they pushed me and hit me.
I would watch them from afar.
They're all shining like a star.
While I'm laying in the mud,
I'm covered in bruises and blood.
I remember when the first thoughts came to me. So young, when they started. I hated every one of them.
Help me, please!
My mind is like a disease.
My uncle took me out of the school and transferred me to another one. I remember how there it was basically the same, except they only threw out insults, they threw threats.
They're all talk and no fight.
They can't even face me in the light.
I laugh as I remember it all. The sound echoing throughout the room. My eyes on my prey. Their faces showing fear—oh!—how delicious it is seeing such an expression. I hum a ghastly tune as I advance towards them.
Now, I've snapped; they're afraid.
I'm the monster that they've made.
It's their fault I’m this way,
and I don't give a fuck about what they say.
They can try to apologize,
but soon they will realize.
Meaningless words won't fix anything;
Go ahead and take a swing.
No matter what, they won't win
Thanks so much to their sin.
I laugh at how pathetic they are, trying to hurt me. “You are so weak!” I yell, kicking them in the side. At the satisfying cracking of their bones, a low chuckle comes from my throat. I play with the blade in my hand, bringing it up to my lips and tapping them as I think. What should I do?
Don't worry, I'll be nice;
Try it again, I won't think twice.
They're already dying.
"Shh, stop crying."
I grip their hair tightly. It’s quite a beautiful aroma that creeps into the air, the alluring color that drains from their body paints an amazing picture on the floor! This is such an amazing, amazing feeling! Such joy! Why haven’t I done this earlier?
It hurts me to keep laughing,
My muscles hurt as I keep smiling.
Tears mixed with red.
Echoes of the lies they've fed,
Bounce around in my head
As they lay there dead.
Footsteps. More victims? This will be interesting. I slowly pull the knife out of my last victim’s eye. I look up and stare at the sudden appearance of a male. “Mahiru?”
Who’s that? A grin cuts my face, eyes wide as my sole attention is on this beautiful male, who I’ll make a beautiful mural with his blood. I let out a small chuckle, tilting my head. “Who’s Mahiru?”
#servamp angst#servamp#insane!mahiru#poor mahiru#servamp au#fanart for any of mu one-shots#are greatly appreciated#please tag me to them#why do i do this to myself
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How mad would you be if I tell you I gave up?
How mad would you be if you were there when I had let my facade fall?
How mad would you be when you could've prevented the heartbreak I would cause?
How mad would you be with me for giving in to the temptation?
Kuro he stared at the tear stained page, the writing smudging as he held it in his grip. His eyes bloodshot as he stared at what his Eve wrote. The Eve that he hurt so badly the few weeks prior to this incident. A tide of emotional pain had swept him out to the ocean of misery.
Now, tell me, how many lies would you sprout?
Lie to me and tell me you'll grieve.
Tell me you actually regret now being able to prevent it.
Lie about how you actually loved me and wanted me to go on.
Kuro shook his head, muttering a no. He wouldn’t lie. He did love him. He wouldn’t lie, there wouldn’t be a reason to. He wanted Mahiru to be happy, he didn’t want him to gain happiness with a harmful lie.
How sad would you be when you realize that these would be my last words?
How sad would you be if you're the one at fault?
How sad would it be to realize you'll never see, hear, or even talk to me everyday like usual?
Kuro broke down. His brothers and sister with their eves staring at him with sadness. He was at fault? It was his fault? Was he the reason why his Eve’s beautiful smile disappeared? Was he the reason for his Eve to have done this? How could this be? How could these words be his last? He didn’t want to accept this!
Tell me how gray and gloomy your skies have become.
Lie to me—that's what you're good at after all.
“No. Mahiru, I—I need you! I am just a monster. You were wrong Mahiru, I am nothing but a monster! I drove you to this! I’m so sorry!” Kuro screamed in anguish, his sorrow being poured into the wail. His skies were dark and ominous without Mahiru.
Kuro, you lied to him. You did this. It’s all your fault.
#servamp angst#servamp#worried kuro#poor mahiru#mahiru being alive is up to you.#mahiru attempted suicide basically#emotional feels for kuro i guess
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The wind continues to blow,
The red crimson in my veins flow,
The tears that have been shed
Are dried and I'm left dead.
Where is everyone? Why am I so cold yet feel as if my blood is on fire?
No emotion,
No commotion.
No thoughts racing across my mind,
My eyes are open but I remain blind.
I stare up, I know I’m awake! Why am I alone? I don’t want to die! Please! Someone! I—I don’t want to die. Don’t leave me here alone.
I see nothing,
Hear nothing.
I feel the bones that burn and hurt.
I'm laying in the cold and in the dirt.
Why can’t I scream? I’m paralyzed. I know. I try to sceam out for someone, but I can’t get the words out. And even if I did, no one would be able to hear me. Where am I exactly? Panic courses through my body.
How did I come to this?
When would I ever feel sweet bliss?
Was there a warning that was obscured?
Someone help and get me the cure.
This is torture! It hurts! It’s agony! Someone…anyone…help. I know it’s useless to scream, I know that I’m not even screaming. I just want comfort. I want Kuro. Please, I want my friend. I need my friend! Where is he? Kuro! Where are you?
I lay with poison mixing with my blood,
The rain falls and the dirt turns to mud.
No one around;
I lay there fading on the ground.
I take in shuddering breaths. I can feel myself weakening. Kuro? Why did you leave me? Why did I have to be alone again? It’s okay. I’m not mad that you left me here, I completely understand.
I’d leave me too.
#servamp angst#why is it always mahiru#servamp#posioned mahiru#mahiru is suffering alone#im a terrible person#basically before Sakuya found him
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“Mahiru look at me. Please look at me. Why aren’t you looking at me? Say something! Please! This! Say something! I can’t do this without you! Please just do something dammit!” How was this—? How can this—? Someone answer please!
“He’s not dead.”
“What do you mean?” Eyes are wide and full of tears.
“I mean, that he’s in a comatose state. His body is paralyzed and his mind has shut down. He is in immense pain. The poison is attacking his vital organs.”
Sakuya took in a sharp and shaky breath when Tsubaki said that. He held Mahiru in his arms. “You’re lying!”
“I’m not, Sakuya. This isn’t your fault, you know.” Tsubaki stared down at his subclass who was on his knees, clutching the Eve of Sloth against his chest. “You had no idea about the poison.”
Sakuya picked up the Eve of Sloth holding him close. “I have to get him to Lust.”
“You can’t make it there in time. Give him to me, I’ll take him.” Tsubaki didn’t give him much of a choice, grabbing the human and taking him to the Servamp of Lust.
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Can we help you come up with ideas?
Oh yes. You can help me. Sorry. I just now checked my inbox.
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Sorry, you’re not at fault
Kuro,
I know you might find this troublesome, but I’m sorry. I know you told me not to, but I couldn’t deal with it anymore. How could I remain strong? How could I hold on if my fingers kept slipping? I’m sorry, Kuro. I know you wanted something more than this. I know you wanted me to continue my life. I know how you’re feeling. I know you feel like this is your fault. It’s not. I promise you, this isn’t your fault! You protected me! You were there when no one else was! I was in your arms and now—I’m not.
I’m sorry, I won’t be there to help you through your problems anymore. I’m sorry that the last thing I said was hurtful. I’m sorry! I should’ve known better! I’m so sorry! When you found me, I felt a small spark of hope. But you didn’t do anything! I’m sorry!
You stared in horror at what you saw. You grabbed me and held me but you didn’t move. It’s okay. I forgive you. It’s okay, Kuro. You can find a new Eve, one that isn’t so troublesome.
Kuro…
“My body won't move, I feel so weak.
My life looks gray and bleak.
Everyone in this world,
Will you heed my word?
I may be breathing,
But I'm dead, I'm not living.”
I’m sorry I hid it from you. I’m sorry, but don’t take it personally! I swear, this isn’t your fault! Dammit! Kuro! Listen to me! This isn’t your fault.
Why did it have to end this way? I know you ask this question everyday you come to my grave. I watch over you, but you pay no heed. I’m sorry that I was so weak. Listen! I know why you’re scared. I know why you never wanted to have an Eve! You don’t want to lose them like you lost me.
Kuro…I’m happy now. Please, Kuro, smile for me.
#dead!mahiru#why did i make this#what the heck is wrong with me#take it how you want#servamp angst#servamp
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Red pt. 1
I walk without a care in the world, my friends alongside me. They joke and they laugh, but I stay silent with a small smile on my face. They’re in danger yet they didn’t know. My servamp sits on my head, asleep. I bite my lip, wanting to get home and lock myself in the restroom. It hurts, but it’s not like someone notices. No, I hide it—really well too. The sun beating down on us isn’t helping whatsoever. My thoughts—they make me nauseous. I clench my fist to silence them. It’s so unfair! How can they have fun and not worry about trying to kill someone?
I bring out my phone, telling them that I have to go that my uncle is at the apartment—that’s my lie and they believe it. I close my eyes for a second before making my way to my apartment. The world around me spins and tips, the edges of my vision darkening.
“Mahiru?” The voice that cuts through is gentle yet dull, holding worry. A tender hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
No, I’m not. Yes, you are. I believe it. “Yes, I’m fine.” I quickly remove my shoes and head into my room, locking the door and sit on my bed to regulate my breathing.
They don’t know. They don’t need to know. I’m something that they shouldn’t even be around. Why was I cursed to be like this?
My mind shattered long ago. The sound of glass shattering into millions of pieces, that’s what you’d think right? No, my mind didn’t exactly shatter, it crumbled to dust. Much to the shock of my own self, I am a free man. I walk with no chains dragging me down, no bars in front of me. I walk freely down the streets, not in a hospital, not in an asylum. Find it funny that all I see is happy faces. I give a smile to myself in the mirror, showing something terrifying. I look like a normal human but the things I hide, they scream maniac. The look in my eyes, it shows but everyone seems to miss it.
It’s getting harder to even keep myself back from hurting them. I curl into myself, ignoring Kuro’s voice as I calm myself down. This is not okay. It doesn’t matter how many times someone tells me it’ll be okay. How is having violent thoughts okay? I don’t understand! How can someone say that it’s okay? I want to scream! I want to let peopl know how I feel! I only sit there. I sit there and stare at the wall. I don’t hear the door open until Kuro says something.
“Mahiru is everything okay?”
That same question.
The same lie. “Yes. Everything’s okay.”
Why can’t it just stop? Why can’t I just disappear? These violent thoughts filled with gore, I want them gone.
#servamp angst#servamp au#pobre mahiru who has to go through this#worried kuro#insanity#why do i continue doing this to mahiru?#why is it always mahiru#this is only part one
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Oh Satan
I am so sorry! I can’t believe I haven’t updated anything. I’m sorry, forgive me. I just haven’t been inspired lately and ugh, dang, I need requests. Ideas. Very few people have given me some and i feel terrible for not giving them the credit they deserve since it was their ideas! I just write the story and i end up posting it once I’m done not giving a second thought! But please request things for more content.
Thank you and have a good day/night
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Despair
He watched with utter despair as the stone crumbled, and as it crumbled so did the world around him. The same stone he has always seen every year. He could recite every word that was scribbled onto it. He could close his eyes and walk from the apartment to that particular stone without difficulty. He had memorized everything, and everything that he remembered was being forgotten. The words, the stone. All of it was destroyed.
He froze. Amidst battle, he froze. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. He could barely breathe. Brown eyes stared at the broken stone, not hearing the shouts of his comrades. “Mahiru!” Blood splattered the boy’s face as his servamp got in the way of the sword that had been coming his way.
“Mahiru, mommy loves you.” Her eyes. Those warm brown irises that would turn into a shade of amber when the sun hit them, turning into a dark copper color when angry. She held warmth and love for the young boy. A smile that lit up their surroundings and lifted his spirits. “Mahiru, come here please.” Her voice was always gentle, loving. Barely had she ever raised her voice to him. “Come here, Mahiru.”
“Mahiru?”
A loud crash and a scream of horror and another one of agony. Sirens filled the air. Red was all he knew. That smile was gone. The warmth was gone. Everything turned black and white with grief. For the only color that painted his small world was the one he watched pool around his mother as other people tried to help. He was lost. He was alone. Why wasn’t anyone helping him? Why can’t he move?
“Shirota!”
“Mom?” He would cry out at night, his body trembling in fear. No one would come in. Tremulously sobbing, smothering his cries with a pillow. He felt empty. His uncle went in and assessed the situation. He sat beside him and held him close, rocking him a speaking softly.
“Nii-san what’s wrong with your eve?”
The stone. The words. Everything he had known as a child torn to pieces. His mom was cruelly ripped from him at such a young age.
His gaze set and locked on the ruins of the grave. The only one that was broken—shattered. He started shaking. His breathing picking up speed while his eyes watered. What was wrong with him? How could he freak out over something like this?
“Everything will be okay, Mahiru.” Nothing was okay. How could anything be okay when his mom left him? “It may not be okay now, but it will be later. Mahiru, she wouldn’t want you to feel like this.”
“Then how am I supposed to feel?” he whispered softly as the tears spilled down his face. His friends that surrounded him stared in confusion before following his gaze, realization dawning on them.
“Mahiru! Come play with us!” They would tell me to go play. “Come on Mahi! Let’s have some fun!” But I just couldn’t bring myself to. It was the worst thing I can do to my cousins, but seeing them laughing and smiling, it hurt. It hurt me so much. I couldn’t bring myself to do that! I tried but I couldn’t! I faked a smile and felt disgusted with myself. What was wrong with me? He stared at his cousins and shook his head, returning to his uncle’s side. He felt tired, wanting to go home and just rest his eyes. He didn’t want to be there anymore.
He felt someone touch him and he just broke down. He pressed his hands against his eyes quietly crying as he tried to breathe regularly. He just panicked and his breathing became terrible. He felt someone rubbing his back but he couldn’t tell whom. People were talking, he couldn’t make out any voices. It all sounded as if he was underwater, drowning and trying to swim to the people on the surface but he just couldn’t pin point where they were.
Soon he couldn’t cry anymore and just slumped against whoever was beside him. He mumbled apologies, but to whom? It was unclear.
He could recite every word that had been scribbled onto that specific stone. He had memorized everything, and everything that he remembered was being forgotten. The words, the stone. All of it had been destroyed. His emotions that he had kept in him, they finally showed themselves. He was no longer the strong one, but he knew he had people that supported him and comforted him.
“Mahiru?”
“I’m okay. Thank you for always being with me Kuro,” he murmured as his eyes closed and he slumped onto him.
#poor mahiru#servamp angst#servamp#mahiru’s mom is mentioned#his family is also mentioned.#what else should i tag
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