In the shower with a knife Thinking about how much you hate life The skin so hot it melts like butter You've lost enough blood to make your mind stutter Stop fighting the silver And damage the liver. Worthless mind and spirit Everyone is gone so who will hear it? The agonizing screams of someone dying Awh look they said he stopped trying. Here's a twist that's on my wrist, starts with a cut some call me a nut. I love to bleed just to feel free. I feel the rain it's eases the pain. Suicide is only for the strong. It takes a lot to take your life, whether it be a gun a rope or a knife. Living is hard dying is easy. I'm ready to go,let's start this show. A few nicks and pills leads to a head full of thrills, blood drains and the heart stops. Now it's time to call the cops. This is goodbye but not for long, think of me when you listen to your favorite song. My fight is finished, my will is gone. A life ended short with a broken heart and shattered mind. Death is whimsical and time is borrowed. I'm cashing in early you won't see me tomorrow.

Oops... who gives a fuck right? Shit it's all one big circle. I attempt to attach to people and get abandoned once they find out about my split personality and it's just like oh well you're a freak and alone. Might as well just punish myself. I deserve it, I don't deserve to eat because I'm fat, I deserve to bleed because I'm an awful person. I need to die, that's all there is to it. Just some one take me out back and blow my fucking head through a wall please, or just give me the means I'll do it myself.

I don't even know what happiness is. I only know the silent tears and the quiet cries that I go through everynight. It seems as though every single day I wake up covered in sweat, screaming your name and looking for you, but never finding you and always feeling hopeless in my search. I'm a fucking failure always have been and always will be. So it's the god to honest truth I should just give up hope and accept the fact that my mind will never be normal and I'll never be okay.

So might think this is for attention, but this is my final goodbye everyone. To everyone I've had the pleasure of talking to these last few days I'm glad I could make somewhat of a positive impact in your life. I love you all, and I'm not blaming this on anyone. I decided a long long time ago, that I would choose when I was leaving, but these last few years have just been my breaking point. I've done some really awful things in my life and I can't shake them no matter how hard I try and to everyone I've hurt, I hope you can forgive me and understand that I didn't mean anything I've done. I just haven't know who I was for a long time and I finally feel as if this is the moment. I won't suffer and I won't be in pain so you have no need to worry about any of that. I've fought this long, but depression has one I have to have some many pills in my system to even function that I'm not really living. I love you all. Just remember to stay strong and push through everything. This is my last goodbye and always remember I love you all and Finish the Fight. ❤️❤️

There's a few people I just want to thank for everything they've done for me. I won't tag them because they deserve their privacy, but they know who they are. To those people I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, I'm sorry for how I've been, and I wish it was different. I just can't fight myself anymore and I can't continue to put them through what I've put them through. I just can't fight it any longer and I'm sorry. This is goodbye everyone... I wish it was all different, but it's just to many things went on and I can't fight it any longer. I promise I'll be at peace, so you have nothing to worry about. #alone #anxiety #blades #bulimic #bulimia #cut #cuts #cutting #deb #death #depressed #depression #ed #eatingdisorder #fat #givenup #goodbye #imsorry #lonley #lonliness #mia #pain #pathetic #weak #failure #emo #razor #razors #sue #sadness #suicide #suicidal

I'm sorry to everyone. I'm sorry, that I was a failure. I'm sorry I wasn't someone who I pretended to be. I'm sorry I lied and said I was okay. I'm sorry I put you all through hell and will put you through this last little bit of hell. I can't fight it anymore. My mind is so far gone. I'm not alive, I'm not me. The split person in my mind has taken its toll on me. All that Mary put me through, all the bullying all the thoughts, the long sleepless nights of wondering if I was good enough or not. To my dearest sunshine, I'm sorry beautiful. I'm sorry, I can't say it enough. I wanted nothing more than forever with you, and to live the rest of my life with you and I ruined it. I'm sorry I wasn't what you needed. I just want you to know you were my everything and always will be and I'm sorry for everything. To Faustyna, you were my bestfriend and the only person I could actually talk to, the only one who made me forget for a little while. Made everything a little bit better. Mariam, I didn't know you long and I'm sorry for everything he put you through, thank you for being here for my fight and always remember what I've told you. Keep your head held high beautiful and everything will get better. To Ashley, all I can say is fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. You fucking broke me all over again, you promised to not do any of this and all you managed to was break someone who tried to feel somewhat happy again. You cheated, you lied, you fucked other guys and expected me to not do anything in which I didn't. I was willing to throw everything away to meet you and you threw me away all I can say I hope you're fucking happy. To some "family and friends" fuck all of you for everything you've put me through. Always making me feel even more like shit and ruining my mind even more than normal. You started this and I finally gave up. This is my final goodbye. I'm sorry... this is of my own free will so don't see after anyone because I have never named names because these people know who they are and they deserve to live with it.

Currently sitting here crying my fucking eyes out which ya know is normal, but someone FaceTimes me I'll immediately answer. The simple fact though I know I'm being used and I'm literally just someone they call so they aren't alone and they don't truly give a fuck about me one way or another. That's basically my life anymore. I let people walk all over me and I just don't have the fight anymore. I just don't have fights left in me. I'm drained, broken, and just alone. All I want is s phone call or a text from her saying everything can be okay, and she's willing to work it all out. That's all I want, that's all I need.m, but I wasn't good enough and I'll never be enough. I'm a terrible person and I've made the biggest mistake of my life and I just want it back. That's all I want is that back, but she's better off without me. I just want the pain to stop, I just want to close my eyes and never wake up, because she's still with me and everything is okay. #alone #anxiety #blades #bulimia #bulimic #cut #cuts #cutting #deb #death #depressed #depression #ed #eatingdisorder #imsorry #lonley #lonliness #love #mia #pain #givenup #razor #razors #sue #secret_society #suicide #suicidal #sadness #ugly #pathetic

I don't give a fuck what you're going through. Yeah life Fucking sucks and I'll be straight and blunt with you about it, but I will not let anyone feel the way I feel. No one deserves it. I've stated nothing but the truth up to this point and will continue to do so. So if you need someone I'm usually always active and always awake and always willing to listen. I help and talk to people all over the world so no distance is to far and no language barrier is to great. I'm always here. #alone #anxiety #blades #bulimic #bulimia #cut #cuts #cutting #deb #death #depressed #depression #ed #eatingdisorder #fat #imsorry #lonliness #lonley #mia #pain #pathetic #purginganorexia #razor #razors #sadness #sue #suicidal #suicide #secret_society #ugly

My old Tumblr that I can no longer access. Rebloging my original posts.

It’s something I’ve missed, I broke last night and I felt relief. Silver was my old friend and we reconnected. God I’m a mess.

Is it me? Am I the reason people always leave?

(via sadnessismyhome)

My old Tumblr that I can no longer access. Rebloging my original posts.

My old Tumblr that I can no longer access. Rebloging my original posts.

Here’s a twist that’s on my wrist, starts with a cut some call me a nut. I love to bleed just to feel free. I feel the rain it’s eases the pain. Suicide is only for the strong. It takes a lot to take your life, whether it be a gun a rope or a knife. Living is hard dying is easy. I’m ready to go,let’s start this show. A few nicks and pills leads to a head full of thrills, blood drains and the heart stops. Now it’s time to call the cops. This is goodbye but not for long soon I’ll be just a memory forgotten. A little something of the top of my head. It’s coming back and no one is here. I’m spiraling downward. I’ve become a body, just walking without a soul. It’s just not worth fighting anymore.

My old Tumblr that I can no longer access. Rebloging my original posts.

It’s so hard living with two people in my head. It isn’t fair. Some people have one normal person in them, and I have two fucked up ones. One wants me to die and the other only causes pain. It’s unfucking fair.

My old Tumblr that I can no longer access. Rebloging my original posts.

Recovery and heartbreak, those two bitches go hand in hand. Recovery is a bitch to get to and even to go through, when you at one point feel so low you’d cause yourself harm and abuse your body not caring of the aftermath that’s when you hit that point where recovery is necessary, but it’s extremely hard to recover when you have that one person you depended on for so much, but because of your relapse you break them, hurt them, abuse them, make them feel the same and it leads to heartbreak. That’s when you think I can recover and fix this. Sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you fuck up so bad that nothing can fix the damage caused, so what is it really but a cycle of fucking nonsense that really helps no one in the end. Especially since I tried to recover too late, I’m dying and it’s not even painless, I fucked my body up and now I’m paying for it. Just please everyone think twice before you try to put someone through that or even yourself. That persons only trying to help, not hurt.

My old Tumblr that I can no longer access. Rebloging my original posts.

It’s gnawing at me and I can’t stand it anymore. I want you back, I want it all back. I wanna start over. New and fresh everything but we can’t and nothing can ever be fixed. God I’m so fucking pissed off with myself. Why can’t I be dead?