A Tale of Two Closets

I doubt the linen closet in Missouri and the coat closet in Chicago are related. They probably aren’t, but it is curious that out of my myriad childhood homes, I remember only those two. Squeezing into the bottom of a linen closet at ten was a challenge. It was either tiny relative to the coat closet in the windy city, or I’d grown since I was 2-1/2. I’ll let you decide. When I folded my body…

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Your Pain, Shared

Boundaries Crossed © Tim Graves Afraid to reveal your humanity,you held it close,protected your heart,hiding your truth. Or so you thought. Instead, you spread your traumas,your insidious anxieties, and lack of self-worth on every surface. Flowing like Vesuvius,and sticking like peanut butter,your anguish and torture,gummed up the works.For you. For those around you. It must have been…

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The Last Call

I gave what you said you wanted,you said it was unexpected,and dismissed it. “No, that’s not what we meant.” I led from the teachings,you said they were too risky, sabotaged our efforts, and clung to the status quo. “We can’t afford it! They don’t give!” You watched, or maybe you averted your eyes,as I was attacked,mistreated, and diminished.I poured out of the pitcher of my call,you diluted…

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Luscious, Brisk, Crisp, Frigid Air

My lungs were overloaded with recirculated, filtered, fossil fuel-warmed air,as I craved the slippery world through the glass. Struggled but abundantly motivated,I strapped the YakTrax over my trainers,and emerged from my 950-square-foot cocoon. Clouds formed before my nose and mouth,as I released days of air shared with family and chihuahua,before breathing in the luscious, brisk, crisp,…

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A Pause at Winter Solstice

Embrace the solstice hush, cuddle beneath the dark blanket, safe from our frenetic world...

Dusk an hour before the Winter Solstice. Embrace the solstice hush,cuddle beneath the dark blanket,safe from our frenetic world. If only for one long night,allow the divine peace we crave,to descend on friend, foe, and stranger. Learn from dormant insects,barren trees, and the resting babethat tonight is a time for rest. We are one people,one breathing planet and one universeinextricably…

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I see you.

The eyes captured me first. Their stories evoked deep grief and profound sadness, weakening and quieting my body. The inexplicable sensations that befall me when I encounter other realms overtook me. “Pay attention! The ancestors are crying out!” Though not my biological ancestors, I felt the presence of three-year-old Sara Livshitz and her four-year-old brother Daniel. The image of my own…

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The Enslaver in the Family

“…A great deal of human suffering exists because of the denial of the past and an inability to acknowledge and integrate it. But when the decision is made to finally look at and feel the past, everything shifts…Because historical traumas are human creations, most often occurring when one group victimizes and oppresses another, they do not end neatly or quickly. In many ways, conditions extending…

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Squishy Hands & A Man Rolled into a Fetal Position

Wrapping my aging adult hands around the cast iron toy bus, I move out of my body and into an inexplicable sphere. I feel the soft squishy child’s hand in my own. It is as if my hands cover and simultaneously inhabit her hand. My deceased mother’s toy bus. Partially hidden behind a ratty chair in the dark room, my four or five year old mother scoots the toy across the worn and smoggy rug.…

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I Should. I Could. I Don't.

I should feel diminished, unheard and lectured. And I did, nanoscopically.

I should feel diminished,unheard and lectured.And I did,nanoscopically.I should feel unloved,their affect lacked compassion.Listening was only a placeholder,a civility until the rule quoting could begin. I should feel devalued,my only worth being what I could provide.And I did,maybe a wee bit. I should feel ashamed,for giving up the games and maltreatment. Sacrificing my divine authenticityin…

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Window (Uinneag)

Window in three parts paints, a tryptic masterpiece of sky, earth, and water.

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In the Marrow of Bones

It was a moan, a wailing, part breath, and vocal cords in concert with something deep inside her. Thirty-five years after her death, I still have a visceral response...

Audibly, it was a moan, a wailing, part breath, and vocal cords in concert with something deep inside her. Thirty-five years after her death, I still have a visceral response to her expressed grief at the end of our visits to my paternal grandmother’s eastern Kentucky home. It needles its way through my skin, muscles, and burrows deep into the marrow of my bones. We were a part of my…

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Looking at Our Wounds

Just as acknowledging the pain in my family is moving my ancestors, myself, and my own descendants toward restoration, it is necessary that we look at the holocaust that is embedded in American culture.

I have been investigating and visiting sites related to my family history during my sabbatical time in Scotland. With a particular interest in the trauma experienced by my great-grandfather, I have begun researching generational trauma. Fanny Brewster explores the legacy of intergenerational child loss experienced by enslaved women and their descendants from a Jungian perspective. Writes…

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Ancestral Threads

Repeatedly, my presence in this place has led to both linear and intuitive learning...Being here matters to me. I am in a thin place between the earthly and my ancestors.

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Sticky & Annoying

It clung to me, sticky and annoying. I could not let it go. "And one more thing," I ranted.

It clung to me, sticky and annoying. I could not let it go. “And one more thing,” I ranted. This is not healthy, I knew.And so I reached out. Maybe they don’t know,or understand. Tunnel vision can be forgiven,so I entered the tunnel. I shared, explained, and politely asked,but I went unheard. Corporate ease matters, more than human need. Greed reigns,in the world order. Hours of my…

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Uisgeachan Slànachaidh (Healing Waters)

I was ready. I pulled my strip of orange-yellow cloth out of my pocket. Holding it in my hands, I felt the softness of the cotton. I paused and took a deep breath in and out. I submerged it in the cold well waters. #SacredGround

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Did You Gaze?

Did you gaze? Did you ever have a moment to stare across the firth? Did you feel your body relax in those sunny glimpses of the Cairngorms?Did you struggle for words to describe the multiple shades of green?

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Primordial Home

Feeling. Unexpectedly. Deeply releasing tears.

Feeling,Unexpectedly.Deeplyreleasing tears. Emerging.Oozing.Forthfrom core being. Easing.Calmly.Permeatingwhole being. Pausing.Experiencing.Authenticallyin the moment. Noting.Connecting.Primordiallypart of this earth, sea, and sky.

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