petitiontodie
vent blog
I'm here to fuckin vent. idc if you reblog anything. don't tell me what to do. depression, anxiety, adhd, bpd, ptsd, social phobia, possibly psychotic symptoms/tendencies. all professionally diagnosed over a course of 10+ years.
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i loooove being obsessed with a guy who has a chronic 🌽 addiction and sees absolutely ZERO problems with it, and i loooove that i can't just move on and stop being attached to him and that i keep hoping he'll change and just STOP
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How the fuck could i ever be better than 🌽, if i'm "better than 🌽" then why does he need to fucking watch it, why does he WANT to watch it, why does he fucking lie to me
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— The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook by Deborah Bray Haddock
[image ID: white text on black background
The habitual use of dissociation or switching as a defense is based not only on perceived threats, but also on an individual's perceived ability to cope. Consequently, as your stress level rises, due to present circumstances or triggers related to past trauma, the key issue becomes whether you believe that you have resources available that will allow you to cope. If, at some level, you do not believe you have adequate resources, or if you are triggered at a physiological level, you may begin to switch internal states. (See Figure 9.2.)
Body becomes still or stiff.
Person is slow to respond to others.
Things seem to move in slow motion or fast-forward.
Emotions become flat, numb; no feelings.
Not feeling expected pain.
Out of touch with surroundings.
Drifts off, goes away, spaces out (gets spacey), blanks out, loses track of what's happening.
Stares off into space, blank stare. Downward stare.
Eyes dart anxiously from side to side or roll upward.
Eyes blink rapidly or flutter.
Faraway or dazed look.
Tunes out.
Not involved in present.
Feels like an observer of the present situation, rather than a participant. Inattentive.
Memory lapses.
Fantasies, excessive daydreaming.
Overactivity or withdrawal.
Is on autopilot (automatism behavior); feels like a robot.
Falls asleep. Disoriented.
Misses conversation.
Derealization (people or world do not seem real; feels like a stranger in a familiar place; does not recognize herself in the mirror; world seems like a dream, veiled).
Feels as if one is watching things from outside one's body.
Life split before and after (I'm a different person since the trauma). Twitches or grimaces
Clouds of alertness; foggy feeling (if you're suppressing traumas, you can't focus your thoughts; your mind goes blank).
Unusual, inexplicable behavior (hits the ground when a car backfires; a dependable woman suddenly leaves the house for two days)
Attempts to remain grounded in the present (strokes side of chair, taps, jiggles leg).
Self-soothing (rocks back and forth).
Things look or sound different: colors are faded or brighter, tunnel vision, wide-angle view, sounds are louder or more muffled than expected, things seem far away or unclear and fogged.
Reprinted with permission from The Post- Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook. Copyright 2000.
Figure 9.2 Possible Indications of Dissociation
/end ID]
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[ID: This user lives in a slightly different reality.]
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nothing i do or take fills the hole inside me :(
source
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