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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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Par For The Curse - Issue 7

Alright friends, sit back, relax, and let’s talk about Blaise Zabini.

More importantly, let’s talk about Zabini’s birthday masquerade party a couple weeks ago, that served as an unofficial “Goodbye Puddlemere United” Party as well. How else would you explain the entirety of the Puddlemere United quidditch team (save for one very irate Oliver Wood) being in attendance? Guests masked their identities with fun costumes and voice changing potions that I’ve never seen before, but quite enjoyed until I took one that made me sound like a creepy old man for the rest of the evening. I know you all want the actual dirt from the party though, so for once, I’ll stop waxing poetic about myself and talk about everyone else.

The man of the hour, Zabini himself, somehow pulled off a lavender (RIP LAVENDER BROWN!) suit and made it look like something he was born to wear. I’m usually one to rant and rave about Marcus Flint being the most handsome bloke at any event (which he is, and was) but admittedly, Blaise took the birthday cake at this one.

The evening was full of surprises, including Greg Goyle showing up with a mysterious blonde that I was almost sure was Astoria Greengrass until I overheard a conversation and found out her name was Candace and she was Canadian. Go figure! Goyle certainly has been getting around as of late, I do hope Astoria was smart enough to bail before she got in too deep. I’m almost positive she did, she wouldn’t risk ruining her hair by drowning in all that drama.

That imagery didn’t work as well as I wanted it to, but it’s still making me giggle so you’re going to have to settle for it.

Perhaps one of the biggest surprises, however, was the abundance of potions being handed out and taken without any concern as to what they even did. I was watching a conversation between Millicent Bulstrode and Cassius Warrington and next thing I knew, Millie was taking his pants off in the middle of the party and they looked about ten seconds away from getting down and dirty right in front of everyone there. Had Evangeline Rosier floating in the air not sent Cassius running to rescue her, who knows what would have happened. Which, side note… how cute are they? Evan was kind of all over him after that and I was there for it.

What I do know is that our birthday boy did not seem happy to find his not-girl in such a predicament, and whether his mood was boosted by a potion or not, Blaise and Millie disappeared to the gaming room, where I’m told they had a very loud fight and um… make-up session in one of the closets there.

Most surprising to me were the amount of muggle-influenced costumes on purebloods. Pansy Parkinson, for one, rocking a Cher inspired wig, was almost unrecognizable, and I wouldn’t have known it was her had I not seen her sneaking off with Draco Malfoy, who had inexplicably come dressed as the Ghostface killer from the muggle Scream movie that was big in cinemas this summer. Theodore Nott also rocked a muggle costume, wearing a Batman mask, my personal favorite masked vigilante, not that anybody’s asking. I fully doubt any of these people realize how significant their choices were, but I must applaud them for going out of their comfort zones to ensure they had a costume that none of their peers would, even if they didn’t know what those costumes even were.

Last but certainly not least, dear readers, does anybody know who Trey Butts was? I couldn’t place him all night, and I’m almost positive he wanted me to owl him. Every owl I’ve tried to send to Trey Butts has been returned though, so I assume it was a pseudonym or alias being used by somebody. I’m inclined to guess it was either Adrian Pucey or perhaps Miles Bletchley, but I’m not positive, and the thought of sending an owl to the wrong person is mortifying.

Moving on, that party was forever ago and it’s my own fault for taking so long to report it, I’ve been quite busy as of late. You see, quidditch season is about to start, and while I’m no sports journalist, the lives of quidditch players is more than a little fascinating. I mean, take this for example…Cormac McLaggen is BACK.

You’re welcome for that.

Exactly. You heard me. Gryffindor Tower’s favorite eye candy (or maybe just mine) that transferred to Ilvermorny before the end of school has come back to the UK and is currently playing as reserve keeper for the Falmouth Falcons. I could hardly believe it, but though she may be shady and not tell her identical twin sister about very important social life developments and hookups that she would be very interested in, my dear twin Padma Patil is no liar and did mention running into Cormac at a pub and said he looked quite fit as he always had. Padma does tend to have a similar taste in men to me, go figure.

Needless to say, between Marcus and Cormac, I’ll definitely be supporting Falmouth once again this year. Also, I wouldn’t mind being between Marcus and Cormac, if you know what I’m saying.

Speaking of, now would be a good time to mention that famed author Maven Aildor’s new novel The Boy Who Lived to Love: He’s a Keeper! hit shelves last week. In this addition to the saga, title character Gary Tosser is made quidditch captain and gets involved romantically with the new Ilvermorny exchange student Tarmac McFlaggen who’s joined the team to replace his best friend Flan as keeper. Available now wherever romantic fiction is sold!

While we’re on the topic of Falmouth though, I’d be a horrible person if I didn’t mention renowned team captain Marcus Flint, aka the Wizarding World’s Most Eligible Bachelor. As much as I’d love to report that he’s decided to settle down with me and start a family, I have to report rumors that he’s been seen with a completely irrelevant and unknown witch shopping at some of Wizarding London’s lesser known upscale menswear boutiques. Though my source tells me he and this woman appeared to be quite friendly, I hardly think there’s any need to worry about a budding relationship. If there were, Marcus wouldn’t have been dancing with Pansy Parkinson at last week’s Knights of Merlin social, would he?

Speaking of Pansy… Pansy, I love you, we know that. Please don’t tell me these rumors I’m hearing about Draco Malfoy telling your mother that he intends to marry you are true! I mean, I know you two were doing the whole sweetheart thing at school, and he is, admittedly, annoyingly handsome, but he’s Malfoy… you can do so much better than that. (Just not Marcus, okay?) Maybe tell your cousin Cassius that the black eye he gave him (or at least I heard it was from him) wasn’t enough and he should do something more memorable so it’ll stick next time.

It seems as if Sebastian Rosier’s been out fundraising lately. Whether it’s for the Evan Rosier Foundation or the new ministry program the Rosiers are in charge of, I have no idea, but I’ve heard multiple reports of him meeting with quite a few former Slytherin house members with deep pockets. I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw something big coming from the Rosier family soon. I, for one, am voting for another ball.

Speaking of Rosiers, all ten of the Rosier Wasps have now been sold, according to Rosier Fashion House representative Daphne Greengrass. Readers are asked to kindly stop soliciting Rosier headquarters for the opportunity to purchase one.

Last, but certainly not least, I’m reminding all of you of tonight’s Halloween Extravaganza, co-hosted by Witch Weekly, Quidditch Weekly, and the Daily Prophet. Come in costume and be prepared to party!

#blaise zabini #millicent bulstrode #marcus flint #cormac mclaggen #draco malfoy #pansy parkinson #greg goyle #astoria greengrass #sebastian rosier #daphne greengrass #padma patil #adrian pucey #miles bletchley #trey butts #theodore nott #evangeline rosier #oliver wood #parforthecurse7

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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Where do you see everyone in 30 years

Oh wow... hope you have some time, Greyface, because this is going to take a while.

Adrian Pucey: I’m getting major dad vibes from Adrian Pucey, whether there’s a life partner involved or not. I honestly don’t know him very well at all, but he’s got a great smile and looks like he has a lot of love to give, so I could see him living that single dad life in the future. If not with kids, with puppies. Can’t you see him snuggling with a bunch of puppies?

Astoria Greengrass: Married to some complete and utter pushover of a man who she’s convinced to give her everything she wants. Probably has a child or two, maybe a grandchild at this point depending on how strict a mum she is.

Blaise Zabini: Probably on his third wife at this point. I imagine Zabini takes after his mother in the sense that once he settles for one partner, he’ll stay loyal until he no longer has to be. Whether it’s because of their infidelity or death, who knows, but it’ll be enough to keep him moving.

Cassius Warrington: If he’s not dead, he’ll probably be regretting covering his entire body with so many tattoos. While they admittedly look amazing right now, imagining them on an old dude isn’t nearly as arousing. I sincerely hope he proves me wrong. I don’t know him well enough to make any predictions, but if he did any of that art himself, he could have a very promising career ahead of him.

Charlie Weasley: As much as I hate to say it, he’ll have probably been eaten, if not very gravely maimed by one of his dragons by this point in life. If not, he’ll likely be dating one of them.

Cormac McLaggen: After being forced to retire from quidditch after sustaining too many head injuries, Cormac will go forth and break the record for fathering children by different mothers. All of these children will be cursed with his dashing good looks and social skills.

Daphne Greengrass: If she hasn’t overdosed by then, she might go the married with children route, but I see her following in her aunt’s footsteps and trying to oust her and take over her fashion empire. It’ll be a giant scandal that could divide the family for good, and future Parvati will be in the front row to report it all.

Demelza Robins: Twenty-Nine years from now, Demi will finally move out of her parents’ house, so thirty years from now she’ll probably be living her best life and going through her ho phase to christen her brand new bachelorette pad.

Draco Malfoy: Dead, though I suppose if he manages to live until then, he’ll be making our lives miserable by being the overbearing parent from hell like his own father was. That is, assuming he can find somebody to spend their life with him.

Evangeline Rosier: She’ll actually take over the Rosier Fashion House and make it better than what it is now, and future witches and wizards won’t even know there was a Rosier that wasn’t Evangeline. I don’t anticipate her trying to correct them either.

George Weasley: Dead. I really hate to say this one, I just can’t see him living this long without Fred. The fact that we never see him can attest to that. I would like it to go on record that I want to be proven very, very wrong on this one.

Ginny Weasley: Captain of the Holyhead Harpies, mother of a couple children that she refuses to admit were fathered by Harry Potter. They’re still pretending they’re not in love because they’re idiots, but they’ll eventually figure it out before their grandchildren have kids.

Greg Goyle: Dead. I have no idea what Goyle’s up to lately, but he’s far too shady to be doing anything that’s sustainable for the next thirty years, and though he seems to have changed quite a bit since we were in school, I doubt his good looks will save him when everything he’s done catches up to him.

Harry Potter: See Ginny Weasley, but also, I think our dear friend Harry Potter’s going to go full muggle once again. Think about it. With as much shit as he endures from witches and wizards on a daily basis, it might be the only way he ever gets some peace and quiet.

Hermione Granger: If Hermione Granger isn’t Minister of Magic in thirty years, I’ll eat my favorite handbag. She might also be married to a house elf.

Luna Lovegood: Will have reinvigorated The Quibbler and married somebody roughly fifteen years her junior, which will be slightly controversial, but nobody will ever say anything because it’s Luna and she’s so Luna about it that you can’t really do anything other than be happy that she’s happy, right?

Marcus Flint: Marcus will be retired and in the Quidditch Hall of Fame, having gone down in history as one of Falmouth’s greatest players of all time. We’ll have three children and be happily married and live in a beautiful estate somewhere outside of London.

Millicent Bulstrode: Will thrive on the Wasps and likely embrace the lesbian rumors about her when Zabini decides not to spend forever with her.

Padma Patil: A successful healer, Padma will never marry or have children due to her incessant need to screw every Slytherin has been that ever existed.

Pansy Parkinson: Married with children and the envy of every pureblood mother in all of Europe at this point. She’ll be the first leader of the WWWS to work and have children at the same time and turn it into a thing people want to do. She’ll be iconic.

Theodore Nott: I see him doing some really shady shit with a time turner and getting arrested for it maybe?

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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Quidditch Update - Wimbourne Trades

Mandy Brocklehurst here with a quick update for those of you who don’t care about Quidditch, but care about the people you know who actually play it. Hogwarts alumni, pay attention. Some major trades went down this week in advance of this Fall’s quidditch season, and I have to say… I wouldn’t have bet a knut on Wimbourne to move from last place at all, but new management looks good on them. I’m not talking about the designer uniform kits either, though I am definitely digging the rebrand.

Team Owner Draco Malfoy’s putting his budget to good use, it seems, and this year’s strategy seems to be focused on rebuilding by replacing. You can see the whole list of trades in my article in Quidditch Weekly, but the ones you’re interested in?

Blaise Zabini

Chaser

Puddlemere United to Wimbourne Wasps

One of Puddlemere’s top chasers since he was drafted, Zabini’s known for his speed and ability to out maneuver the most accurately beaten bludgers. His stealthiness is sure to be a major asset to the Wasps offense. New Wasps head coach James Van Der Beek thinks Zabini has the potential to lead Wimbourne to their first cup in decades.

________________________________________________________________

Millicent Bulstrode

Beater

Holyhead Harpies to Wimbourne Wasps

Already being commented on as one of the most controversial trades in the preseason, Bulstrode was traded to Wimbourne for twice what Holyhead paid for her, and is reportedly behind the trade of fellow beater Stanislav Dobrev from the Vratsa Vultures to the Wasps as well. In this morning’s press conference she stated that any fan who spent money on a Millicent Bulstrode Harpies Jersey can wear it to the first Wasps game and she’ll make sure they get a Bulstrode Wasps kit on her knut.

That’s all for this week, I’ll be back soon with an update from Marcus Flint and what we can look forward to from the reigning champion Falmouth Falcons this season.

Mandy

#quidditchupdate!wimbourne #millicent bulstrode #blaise zabini #draco malfoy #marcus flint

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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Par For The Curse - Issue 6

It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you.

I know, I know. Can you blame me though? It’s the end of summer, who wants to be stuck inside writing all day? Nobody, that’s who. I’ve got a quick one for you, and then I’ve ever so graciously allowed my dear coworker Mandy to take over part of my column to update you on some big quidditch news for the upcoming season, which, honestly, I only agreed to do because it qualifies as good gossip in my book and already has our entire newsroom buzzing.

Speaking of quidditch, can we really quickly discuss the announcement made earlier this week that the Rosier Fashion House will be designing the new uniforms for the Wimbourne Wasps? In what world does that even make sense? Ever since the prophet published that release we’ve been getting inundated with owls asking whether replica kits will be made for people to buy and while I personally don’t know why anybody would want to represent Wimbourne, I strongly suggest those owls be directed to their new owner, Draco Malfoy, so he can graciously answer all your lovely inquiries.

It does make sense as to why Veronica Rosier’s exclusive brooches were wasps though, quite clever. Update on those, by the way. Wasps 3-7 are spoken for as of now, with 8 - 10 rumored to be released within the next week.

I know we already did Rosier Ball news last issue, but I’ve gotten a few owls as of late mentioning that Astoria Greengrass and my sister, Padma Patil, were stuck in one of the lifts at St. Mungos shortly after the ball. So… malfunctioning lifts are not gossip worthy, people, but if any of the theories submitted with the lift gossip are real, then maybe there’s reason to talk.

One reader theorized that Padma trapped Astoria in the lift on purpose after it was revealed that she was dating Greg Goyle at the ball, and claimed that Padma had ‘called dibs on Goyle and wanted to make sure Astoria knew she had to back off.’ - Not bloody likely.

Reader number two noted that Astoria had gotten in the lift on the fourth floor of St. Mungos, which for those of you who don’t know, is where all Spell Damage is treated, which brings up the question… what is Astoria Greengrass’ damage?

I should note that I did ask my sister what happened in the lift and she said “the only thing people should be concerned about regarding the lifts at St. Mungos is why it took two hours to fix a single one of them. What if I’d had a patient in there with me on the way to an operating room? It could have been a matter of life and death. Absolutely unacceptable!” She did not verify whether Astoria was in the lift with her or not, just went on a rant about the hospital budget and how people needed to donate to worthy causes like healthcare and honestly, I tuned her out.

Anyways!

The end of summer is right around the corner, and everybody in Europe came out to celebrate at the End of Summer Music Fest last weekend at the beach. Not only was the lineup an amazing blend of wizarding bands and artists that are both exclusive to our world and who have crossed over into the muggle world, but the party in itself was one that people will be talking about for ages… if they can actually remember, that is.

There was more alcohol than anybody seemed to know what to do with, and if the way some people were acting, one would think it was the first time they’d even HAD a drink. I mean, I heard rumors most of them were laced with pixie dust and some stronger stuff, especially in the VIP tent, but again, no actual verification so I can’t say anything for sure.

What I can say for sure is that people were all sorts of fucked up, including myself. I saw my girl Pansy Parkinson crowd surfing, Astoria Greengrass up on stage with Smashmouth showing everybody who the REAL all star was, and even Cassius Warrington snapping his fingers and cutting a rug.

I know, kind of boring, right? We have SOME excitement from the music fest though.

Hermione Granger was seen disappearing into a tent with a large redhead… could Ron Weasley be back from his shag-a-thon?

Adrian Pucey with literally EVERY former Slytherin girl (HEY Evie & Millie!), and then some. I’m personally still waiting for something to happen with Nott, but I’m also not going to keep pushing for things when I don’t see any evidence of them actually happening.

Blaise Zabini & Millicent Bulstrode getting cozy in the front row of the Boyz II Men set, and reinvigorating rumors that their relationship is more official than it looks.

Evangeline Rosier and Theodore Nott disappearing into Theo’s tent… not sure what happened in there, but nobody saw them leave.

Luna Lovegood apparently lacing drinks with gnome saliva, not sure what the properties of that are, but it sounds kind of nasty to me, not gonna lie.

Marcus Flint was there and he was beautiful and that was all you really need to know about that.

I also heard talk that there were some overzealous vampires camping out in the tent area. I didn’t see any myself, but multiple people have told me that they witnessed a girl being carried from a known vampire tent, but there were no other reports as to who the vampires were.

We’ve got some ACTUAL gossip this week. Anybody dining at the Hag & Hat, Wizarding London’s most exclusive dining establishment, last Friday, was first hand witness to what looked like the recoupling of Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson. I’m not sure if they’re officially back together, but they were definitely on a date. According to sources, Pansy looked exquisite in a deep red evening gown and a Toussaint diamond pendant, and Malfoy was dressed like a pallbearer as per usual. It was hinted that Malfoy gifted Pansy some kind of jewelry as well, but I don’t have any leads as to what that piece may have been.

Speaking of Malfoy though, this is where I sign off and tell you to stay tuned for Mandy Brocklehurst with news from the Quidditch World.

Xx

Parvati

#draco malfoy #pansy parkinson #adrian pucey #millicent bulstrode #blaise zabini #luna lovegood #marcus flint #evan rosier #evangeline rosier #theodore nott #hermione granger #hypothetical ron weasley #ron weasley #astoria greengrass #padma patil #greg goyle #cassius warrington #parforthecurse6

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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What do you think about Hermione and Draco rumors of a bathroom quickie?

Last I saw Malfoy, he was still walking. If he'd tried to shag Hermione Granger, he'd be missing a very important part of his anatomy and I don't think she'd have done it using a painless, magical removal method. We would all know if they'd shagged.

#anon!ask #draco malfoy #hermione granger

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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why hasn't warrington beat malfoy's arse yet? rooting for him, malfoy deserves it.

My guess is he's biding his time, waiting for that perfect moment. Also they need to not be somewhere where getting caught will get him an automatic ticket back to Azkaban, obviously. Personally, I think he should sell tickets, it's going to be a great show.

#anon!ask #cassius warrington #draco malfoy

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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pucey is leading on both theo nott and evie rosier. when's he going to pick a lane?

Does he even have to? If what I'm hearing is true, Evie and Theo are going to be spending a lot more time together in the future. Adrian might be able to wiggle in the middle of it and the three of them can come out as the first high society throuple. I mean, I'd ship that.

#anon!ask #adrian pucey #evan rosier #theodore nott #evangeline rosier

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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how many girls did goyle end up hurting the feelings of when he choose astoria?

I'm not sure he hurt anybody's feelings, nonny. To my knowledge, though Goyle was rumored to be seeing quite a few people casually, I don't know that anybody's crying themselves to sleep because he's off the market. I'll update if I find out otherwise!

#anon!ask #greg goyle

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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Par For the Curse - Issue 5

Is anybody else still recovering from last week’s ball? Leave it to Veronica Rosier and Sebastian Rosier to pull out all the stops and manage to completely fill a ballroom with Wizarding Britain’s finest (and some of their… well… not so fine) with less than 12 hours notice. Anybody else who tried to pull such a stunt would be shunned, but the only complaints I heard throughout the evening were about the guest list being a bit more inclusive than it’s been in years past.

I, for one, applaud the Rosiers for taking a step in the right direction. My personal views differ from those of the majority of my family, as so many are wont to point out after one too many firewhiskeys, so having a few others to take some of the heat off of myself was quite wonderful.

But this is a non-partisan publication, so please forgive me for letting my personal thoughts on the matter run free.

First and foremost…fashion!

There must be something in the water, or somebody’s put a glamour on the entire community because even some of the less flattering outfits looked absolutely stunning on people. Rather than go through everyone this time, I’ll give you my top three best and worst dressed, and then we’ll move on, because boy do we have some juicy news this week!

It should be noted, we’ve exempted Evangeline & Liam Rosier, as well as Daphne & Astoria Greengrass from these lists, as they had an unfair advantage in being dressed by the designer herself.

Worst Dressed:

Draco Malfoy: Admittedly looked quite fetching, but everybody knows that plum is a Fall color.

Hermione Granger: Gorgeous dress, gorgeous everything, but long sleeves in the middle of the summer to a fashion mogul’s gala? Faux pas.

Adrian Pucey: Again, absolutely stunning, but this was one of those nights where looking cool by wearing a t-shirt under your tux was simply not the way to go.

Best Dressed:

Pansy Parkinson: THE best dressed, aside from Veronica Rosier herself. The classic Rosier lace evening gown paired with the most exquisite Toussaint diamond pendant. I wouldn’t be surprised if the fashion house contacted Pansy to model their next runway show for them.

Cassius Warrington: Drip. Drip. Quite the glow up for this former Slytherin Chaser. Considering the last time I saw him, he looked as if he’d been covered in cornflakes, this was an incredibly welcome surprise.

Millicent Bulstrode: Talk about the perfect dress, Millie’s Rosier gown looked to have been made specifically for her. Accessorized with a classic diamond necklace and Blaise Zabini, she turned more than a few heads on the red carpet.

On to the news you’ve all been waiting for! What you may have missed!

For those of you who may have not been at the ball, Daphne Greengrass was in charge of running the silent auction for the fashion house, in which two bejeweled wasp brooches, that are actually handbags, were auctioned off to attendees. By the end of the night, the first wasp sold to my cousin, Maharani Gayatri Patil of Jaipur, for fifty eight million galleons, and the second sold to Harry Potter, for seventy million galleons. The wasps are part of a limited collection of ten designed by Rosier to raise money for The Evan Rosier Foundation. A week later and my cousin has already received 67 howlers from those she outbid, as well as offers of up to 437 million galleons to purchase the first edition wasp from her. Sources tell me Daphne was the brain child of the staggered release of the Rosier Wasps, so I have to give credit where it’s due.

Keeping up with the Greengrasses… Astoria Greengrass and Greg Goyle announced their relationship at the ball, revealing that they’ve been dating and making things official by coming out to their friends and society. Overall, people seemed genuinely surprised, but happy for the couple. Hopefully this means people will stop owling me about Goyle and my sister now, yeah? Thanks.

Blaise Zabini and Millicent Bulstrode arrived together, but don’t let that fool you into thinking they’re actually dating. I have it on good authority he verified to his friends that they’re just shagging, so all of those hardcore Bulini shippers can take a breather for a few, it looks like things are still quite platonic.

Evangeline Rosier - call her Evan (Daddy issues much?) is back, and this time she might stay for more than just the summer. Apparently those rumors about her mother hiring Cassius Warrington to be her bodyguard after she was mugged in Paris were true, if the way the former Slytherin was keeping tabs on Rosier throughout the evening were any clue. He didn’t seem to be on duty though, since little Evan was seen sneaking away with Falcons Chaser Adrian Pucey.

Editor’s Note: We received some reports of illicit drug usage that mentioned specific quidditch players by name, and while yes, that gossip would be particularly juicy, we do not wish to ruin the careers of people based on something we cannot verify as truth.

It wasn’t all fun and games though. Many ministry officials in attendance, including Hermione Granger found themselves unable to be served by some of the gala’s staff. When asked about it, Veronica Rosier blamed the venue and issued a public apology on behalf of the Rosier Fashion House.

Luna Lovegood was seen in attendance and looked to have been struggling a bit, though I’m not sure if it was because of the environment or because of the plunge on her dress being a little too deep. Either way, she left with Harry Potter in quite the hurry, which I found to be a bit interesting.

More than a few people contacted me about the conversation Draco Malfoy had with his father, but I’m sorry, that’s not news. I don’t care that this was the first time they’ve talked in months. What I do care about is what I heard happened AFTER the fact. An anonymous source claims that Malfoy was locked in an upstairs loo with Hermione Granger, though I definitely saw her leave with Luna and Harry, so I don’t know how much of that I believe. Maybe he was hiding from Cassius Warrington, who wasn’t doing much to hide his disdain for his former teammate throughout the evening. Either way, apparently Pansy Parkinson was banging on the door until Malfoy let her in, but then came out alone.

Honestly, it makes about as much sense as the rumors from last week about Pansy being naked on a dock with Goyle at her cabin. The amount of people trying to assassinate her character is utterly astounding. Give it a rest.

Last, but certainly not least, we’ll finish our Rosier Ball segment with reports that co-captain of the Falmouth Falcons Marcus Flint proved himself to be a gentleman by escorting my sister Padma Patil home at the end of the evening. It’s just like Marcus, isn’t it? He probably noticed she seemed a bit sad and drunk, likely because nobody asked her to dance, and went out of his way to be nice to her. Such a wonderful bloke, and handsome to boot!

It makes me sad that the next thing I have to report is that he, my future husband Marcus Flint, was spotted on a date with Daphne Greengrass shortly after the ball. They looked to be doubling with Astoria Greengrass and Greg Goyle, but my source was on the other side of the bar and didn’t have the greatest view in the world, so couldn’t be completely positive. If it’s true though, that might be why Marcus has been avoiding his rumored lover Pansy as of late.

Before I leave you all, something to ponder:

Theodore Nott and his aunt/stepmother were seen visiting the Rosier estate in days following the ball. Both he and Evangeline Rosier were seen practically running from the place less than an hour later and finding solace at a nearby pub. Send me your guesses as to what’s going down!

XOXO,

Parvati

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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why are these guys so loyal to malfoy? it's his and his family's fault that nott's dad, goyle's dad, warrington's dad etc are in azkaban for life.

From what I've heard, Draco's been attempting to make things right with people he's wronged in the past. I think it's all bullshite... a show for the ministry so they'll believe he's reformed or whatever. Maybe that's why?

Then again, are those guys really all that loyal? Warrington definitely hates him (which makes him immediately move to number two on my hottest guys ever list... that I need to update soon), I haven't seen Goyle with him lately, and Nott... I don't know about Nott, honestly.

If I find out what the catch is, I'll be sure to report it!

#anon!ask #draco malfoy #theodore nott #cassius warrington #greg goyle

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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It’s HERE!

Witches and Wizards all over the country received their invitations to the 15th annual Rosier Ball this morning. Leave it to fashion mogul Veronica Rosier to make the most anticipated event of, let’s be real, the last three years, a complete surprise. I’ll be covering the event for my column and reporting back on all the best looks and scandals (because there’s never a Rosier Ball without a scandal!). As always, the ball will be hosted by Veronica & Sebastian Rosier and their respective families.

I’ve heard this is the first year that invitations have been extended to non-purebloods as well. Maybe it’s an effort the Rosier Fashion House or the Evan Rosier Foundation is making to appeal to a wider audience, but I don’t know. It’s rumored that the Minister of Magic himself will be in attendance, and that many other ministry officials and ‘saviors of the wizarding world’ received exclusive invitations as well. Speaking of, how cute are those invites? The little rose portkey floats up as you open the envelope... I can’t wait to take mine.

Honestly, this invitation is worth the stress of finding a last minute gown. I’ll report back later!

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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Par For The Curse - Issue 4

On behalf of the entire Witch Weekly family, and all of the Witch Weekly subsidiaries, we would like to apologize to the families of Fred Weasley and Cedric Diggory for the implications written by Ms. Patil in her last column. Please let it be known that Ms. Patil has been suspended without pay for the week and will be contacting you directly with her apologies.

In the meantime, her column will be taken over by our staff Sports Editor, Amanda Brocklehurst.

Again, our sincerest apologies.

Eugenia Corningstone

Editor in Chief

Witch Weekly

Apologies in advance to all of Parv’s loyal readers. For those of you who aren’t familiar with me, I’m the one you all send those howlers to for writing too much about quidditch in a magazine that should be about ‘fashion and gossip and nothing else!’. I sympathize, really, but Quidditch Weekly isn’t hiring at the moment, so you’ll have to forgive me for taking what I can get. At the very least, most of the gossip Parvati was set to print this week has a little to do with quidditch. Apparently our lovely publication, as well as some others, found it fit to send recording mosquitos to a remote cabin owned by Pansy Parkinson’s family to spy on an unofficial Slytherin House reunion where more than a few famous faces were present.

Let’s talk about Marcus Flint, world champion chaser for the Falmouth Falcons, and how he seemed a bit all over the place. I’m no Falcons fan (nor am I a Flint fan like the author of this column, so I have no problem telling you all most of the footage we received back showed that Flint was quite inebriated for the duration of the weekend), but if I was, I’d be a little worried about how much time he was spending with the new owner of the Wimbourne Wasps, Draco Malfoy, who quietly took control of the organization last Tuesday when longtime owner Patrick Babcock passed away in his sleep. Could this mean a future career change for Flint? He does seem to have a penchant for going wherever the Malfoy money takes him, after all.

I’m told I should also be telling you that Flint was seen flying naked after Daphne Greengrass, who was rumored to have been rekindling a relationship with ex-Hogwarts sweetheart and current star Puddlemere United Chaser Blaise Zabini. No word yet on how Zabini’s current assumed love interest, Harpies’ beater Millicent Bulstrode is taking it, but if you ask me, all of this gossip is bullshite and people reading far too much into friends just having genuine fun together. So what if Bulstrode was seen alone in the hot tub with former Falcons teammate Adrian Pucey one day and rumored to have been rolling around the forest with Zabini by night? They could have been sharing intimate details about mutual friend Theodore Nott, who, if you’ve been keeping up with Parv’s column, became boner buddies with Pucey during a particularly raunchy group hot tub game after watching Pansy Parkinson and Astoria Greengrass kiss.

Again, all of this is speculation. For all we know, Pansy could have been giving poor Astoria mouth to mouth. Temperatures were hot last weekend, and more than a few of our bugs reported Astoria fainting from likely dehydration. It seemed like most people in attendance tried to help her, but the youngest Greengrass chose Greg Goyle to be her knight in shining armor. Kind of makes you wonder why she was sleeping in a hammock with Draco Malfoy the next night, right? Honestly, I don’t care who the girl sleeps with, but Astoria, if you read this, please message me and let me know where you got that kayak!

Moving on from other people’s private vacations, it seems like my coworker’s twin, Padma Patil is behind the recent effort to get the book The Boy Who Lived to Love: Inter-House Relations, the fourth installment in the famous Boy Who Lived to Love series, off shelves.

We asked series author Maven Aildor for her take and have it exclusively for you:

“...while it does hurt that a former schoolmate, whose sister I consider a dear friend, would want to stifle my creativity like this, I do understand how the character of Ted McGorry coming back as a ghost to watch Gary **** his girlfriend could be very upsetting to those who knew the person Ted is…modeled… after, therefore, I’ve decided that I’ll be temporarily pulling that book from the shelves and replacing Ted’s character with a different one that nobody living has a direct connection to…”

This, I’m told, is in reference to a character modeled after former Hogwarts student and Triwizard Champion Cedric Diggory, depicted in the book as a “supernatural voyeur” without the consent of his estate.

Are you people insane? You pay money for these things? Congratulations Padma, though I’m judging you for even knowing what these books are in the first place.

Wizarding world savior Hermione Granger was spotted on a date with a mystery man in muggle Liverpool once again, but this time it was a different man. Not sure why this is news, but apparently it’s what you’d all love to read about.

The only other thing we have in the inbox aside from some questions for Parvati to answer is a notice that Cassius Warrington has been released from Azkaban and was seen in Diagon Alley getting ice cream with Millicent Bulstrode recently. Not sure why that’s relevant, but Bulstrode, maybe spend more time on the pitch instead of playing the field, yeah?

-Mandy

#marcus flint #pansy parkinson #draco malfoy #theodore nott #blaise zabini #daphne greengrass #millicent bulstrode #astoria greengrass #hermione granger #greg goyle #padma patil #parvati patil #cassius warrington #adrian pucey #parforthecurse4

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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What do you think about Cassius Warrington being out of prison?

I think some of his tattoos might be disrespectful to my culture and heritage... he should probably come over and strip so I can investigate further.

#cassius warrington #anon!gossip #anon!ask

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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From the man himself, folks! Wonder no more! Adrian Pucey answers the question on everyone’s mind!

Theo and Adrian kissed at Pansy's cabin, and they both had boners afterwards... Do you think they're secretly into each other?!

I mean, they could be, but you'd also have to consider the situation surrounding the kiss. From what I've heard from our exclusive source, this kiss happened while both of them were in a hot tub surrounded by other people and they'd just watched Pansy and Astoria kiss. Who are we to assume that the girls weren't the cause of their boners? If they were secretly into each other though... I mean... I'd ship it. Have you seen those men? They're beautiful. Like... almost as beautiful as I am and that's beautiful.

Can anybody who was at the cabin give us some insight?

#adrian pucey #astoria greengrass #pansy parkinson

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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Theo and Adrian kissed at Pansy's cabin, and they both had boners afterwards... Do you think they're secretly into each other?!

I mean, they could be, but you'd also have to consider the situation surrounding the kiss. From what I've heard from our exclusive source, this kiss happened while both of them were in a hot tub surrounded by other people and they'd just watched Pansy and Astoria kiss. Who are we to assume that the girls weren't the cause of their boners? If they were secretly into each other though... I mean... I'd ship it. Have you seen those men? They're beautiful. Like... almost as beautiful as I am and that's beautiful.

Can anybody who was at the cabin give us some insight?

#theodore nott #adrian pucey #astoria greengrass #pansy parkinson #anon!gossip

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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Favorite crack ships?

Astoria Greengrass & Charlie Weasley

He's really into younger girls and well, Astoria's the youngest we've got around here, so it kind of makes sense. Did I mention I love an age gap?

Ginny Weasley & Marcus Flint

In this scenario, Ginny is me, polyjuiced to look like Ginny. I'm kidding, I promise. It's a quidditch thing. They'd totes shag in a locker room.

Greg Goyle & Daphne Greengrass

The hate sex would be amazing. Seriously. I'd sit front row for that.

Theodore Nott & Luna Lovegood

I honestly don't know Nott very well, but he seems a bit odd on top of the whole pretty thing, which is also very Luna, therefore they should probably kiss.

Millicent Bulstrode & George Weasley

They could go on a date and groom thestrals together, it'd be so cute!

Padma Patil & Harry Potter

Let's face it, there's a reason Harry asked me to the Yule Ball back in fourth year. Padma's the next best thing. I think they'd have better chemistry at least, she's much quieter than I am and doesn't need as much stimulation to get going, if you know what I mean.

Blaise Zabini & Demelza Robins

Honestly they would just look supremely pretty together.

Pansy Parkinson & Hermione Granger & Draco Malfoy

My logic behind this one is that rather than having Malfoy die alone like I normally might, he'd naturally try to get in on that girl on girl action, at which point either Pansy or Hermione would take care of the killing him thing on their own.

#pansy parkinson #draco malfoy #hermione granger #blaise zabini #demelza robins #padma patil #harry potter #millicent bulstrode #george weasley #theodore nott #luna lovegood #greg goyle #daphne greengrass #astoria greengrass #charlie weasley #ginny weasley #marcus flint #anon!gossip

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par-forthecurse · 2 years

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Par For The Curse - Issue 3

Okay.

You all need to forgive me for first of all, being a little late with an update this week, and second of all, not being as thorough as I usually am. We’ve had some big stuff going down and I mean… processing it all has been a lot for me. I can only deal with so much.

First and foremost, because everybody who’s anybody was at the Leaky Cauldron the other night for Lady Lindzay’s Divination Extravaganza (there was also a band but honestly, I don’t remember anything about them because OMG LADY LINDZAY!!!), we need to discuss what an amazing and absolutely LIFE. CHANGING. EXPERIENCE that was. Seriously. You must be living under a rock if you didn’t hear what happened during my reading, but i’ll go ahead and spoil you, readers.

I got to talk to Lavender!

My BEST friend in the entire world legit POSSESSED Lady Lindzay for a whole ten minutes and gave me ALL the hot gossip from the afterlife. I don’t want to upset anybody (or get fired, obviously) so I can’t post any of it here, but I mean… talk about unexpected pairings holy crap. Okay… ALL I’ll say is she told me the hottest ship right now? Fredric. Right? RIGHT. Yeah.

To everybody who thinks divination and fortune telling is bullshite, I dare you to come say that to my face after last weekend. Also, keep donating to the Lav fund, she was crying when she told me how happy it makes her that we’ve made such a difference in the lives of all these unfortunate looking young witches and wizards.

Anyways!

If you didn’t come, you definitely missed out on a night to remember! We can start with whatever the hell the argument between Millicent Bulstrode and Astoria Greengrass was that had Astoria stomping her foot and throwing some admittedly savage (but honestly quite rude) burns towards the newest Harpie, and Bulstrode looking as if she were about to blow a gasket and revert back to her old ways and knock Greengrass out. By the time I got close enough to find out what the whole fight was about, Astoria was drinking herself into a stupor at the bar and Millicent was being removed from the premises by Theodore Nott.

Daphne Greengrass made a brief appearance, though whether it was to check on her baby sister or threaten Draco Malfoy, I’m not quite sure. Either way, she was gone as quickly as she showed up, and Malfoy ended up leaving with her sister. I don’t know about Daphne, but if my sister was drunk out of her mind drinking alone at a bar, I wouldn’t be leaving her alone with Draco Malfoy of all people.

Noticeably absent from the Leaky Cauldron event was Blaise Zabini, but don’t worry, rumor has it he was in Wales at the Holyhead Harpies party thrown by their newest sponsors Goodwash Cosmetics. I’d say he was waiting for Millicent Bulstrode, but she didn’t show up until almost one in the morning, and on the arm of Theodore Nott. Ginny Weasley was definitely there though, maybe they were catching up after that hot gym sesh a few weeks back?

The youngest Weasley is definitely no stranger to the party circuit these days. We spotted her out with some Harpies, Harry Potter and May thru October of the hottest auror of the month calendar as well. Not sure where the logic is behind that grouping, but my sister was the Ravenclaw, so I’ll leave that to her to analyze if anybody wants to give a guess.

At least Harry’s been getting out more. He and Hermione Granger were spotted at a muggle bar trying to get each other laid. I think you two should just knock back a few firewhiskeys and go to bed together, see if anything comes out of that pairing!

Speaking of former Ravenclaws… some sad news to report. Morag MacDougal and Stephen Cornfoot have decided to take a break after some rumors from her hen party at the Obscurus got a bit out of hand. Here’s hoping the two of them can get over whatever their differences may be and get that happily ever after, after all.

Also, is Luna Lovegood sleeping with George Weasley? Both of them have been suspiciously MIA lately and I don’t know how else to explain that.

Happily Ever After is also what I’m supposed to be getting with one Falmouth Falcons chaser Marcus Flint, and yet I’m getting reports of him and Pansy Parkinson taking a portkey from Diagon Alley with bags packed for a vacation? What gives? Then again, my source for that piece also said they spotted my dear twin Padma Patil on a coffee date with Greg Goyle and noted that she had definitely dressed to impress. None of my clothes are missing and Pads has been super busy with her big medical breakthrough thing that just got approved so I seriously doubt that was true so maybe I should just get better sources, yeah? Yeah.

Want to be a gossip source? Message me!

I promised big news though, and none of this is it. It’s not Charlie Weasley outside Demelza Robins’ window pretending to be Lloyd Dobler (look, I made a muggle reference!), and it’s not Astoria Greengrass having drinks with Blaise Zabini either.

Well, it does have something to do with Zabini. Something to do with him, Greg Goyle, and Draco Malfoy. As of late, all three of them have been sporting scars indicative of having taken an unbreakable vow. As we all know, if somebody who’s made an unbreakable vow breaks their oath, they die. I’ll put up 100 of my own galleons to whoever gets Malfoy to spill the beans first.

JUSTICE FOR LAVENDER!

Xoxo,

Parvati

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