C-PTSD - My story

I have been quiet for many years on this account. There is a particular reason for that, and unfortunately it will take me some time to come to terms with it.

In 2018, my best friend decided to make a callout post about me and many other people. I was facing some terrible clinical depression, so I couldn’t reach out to my friends. I had just came home from an outing with my family, and I had just checked my phone before I was heading to bed. My now ex-friend tagged me in the post, calling me out for neglecting her needs as a friend and told me to off myself for not caring about her. When I arrived at school the next day, one of the girls at school who was also on the post confronted by ex-best friend about it to ask her what happened. Instead she was greeted with a massive slap on her face, and was in tears the whole class session (~2 hours) and long after our lunch break. I didn’t want to confront my ex-friend again, and spent most of the rest of my high school in fear of running in with her.

I later came out to my friends in 2018, and my boyfriend, that I was trans. Thankfully that didn’t change much of that dynamic.

In 2019, I was diagnosed with clinical social anxiety and depression. I had taken therapy for about 6 months before my mom took me out of it saying “you seem to be doing just fine.” My mom had sat with me and my therapist the whole session, every session. So I often stayed quiet in fear of venting about my mom.

I came out to my family in October of 2019 as a trans man, though now my family looks back on it as me trying to change myself for my friends rather than a way of true self expression. My brother threatened to burn my pride flag during that month, and both he and my mother still get livid when the topic is brought up. My dad still confidently misgenders me and deadnames me.

January 2020, on MLK day I was put into a mental hospital due to suicidal ideation. I was forced to stay a full week, and spent two weeks after off from school to heal. During one of those weeks, my parents met with my boyfriend and his parents for lunch. They dragged me along as well. The reason for meeting up was for all the adults to yell at my boyfriend for not trying hard enough in the relationship. The whole time they misgendered me, which caused me to meltdown and run out of the resteraunt. My parents convinced themselves it was because I got a slap of reality about how terrible my boyfriend was. We were no longer allowed to meet up without supervision from then on out.

I graduated high school in 2020. I was attending group therapy 6 days a week, and spent a lot of time sitting at home as covid was on the rise. As time passed, my boyfriend became extremely distant. Though it had been a problem before that he rarely put time aside for me, he let his video game addiction overcome him. I had not been contacted by my friends in three months when September rolled around, and I had not reached out to them. In fear of them rejecting me, I blocked them first so I wouldn’t have to go through the same trouble as I did my sophmore year of highschool.

I was now left with my oldest friend, and my boyfriend. It had been stable for a little while, until a message popped on my phone I didn’t realize would appear. I won’t write it out here, though my oldest friend (by about 4 years) had messaged me that he would be comfortable doing something very intimate with me. It made me realize he was grooming me, and I quickly blocked him on every account I had at the time. My boyfriend was angry with himself for noticing that behavior before, and didn’t do anything before I noticed it.

October 2020 came. I broke up with my boyfriend because he wouldn’t get out of his addiction. We promised we’d still be friends, and that we would try to talk regularly. We didn’t talk at all, so I briefly blocked him in December. I reached out to a friend that I had blocked in August, and said I’ve been feeling suicidal since the breakup. He told me that I should have been more considerate of my boyfriend, and that I should stop thinking so selfishly about our relationship. He told me it was selfish for blocking everyone, that I hurt all of those people from my actions, and that I needed to stop blaming other people for my problems. I tried taking it to heart, and said I still was thinking of harming myself. He told me to man up and just go ahead and do it if I was so confident I was (knowing how I’m a coward of death). It triggered a meltdown and I blocked him again.

In January 2021, I was sent a letter by his older sister wanting something of hers back that my boyfriend had given to me. I messaged my ex asking why he didn’t reach out first, and he explained that she wanted it back more than he did, so he didn’t reach out. Also he came out to me saying that he is now a she, that my ex boyfriend was now my ex girlfriend. She said she was very happy I showed her the world of being trans, and coming out had been so easy for her. Now she’s getting constant friend requests on video games, and her friends and family are very accepting. She was wondering if my family dynamic had gotten better since she was out of the picture, and when I told her no she just shrugged it off.

Things still ring in my head from that conversation. She said “I hope you learn from our relationship and bring it on to your next one,” and “I feel socially fulfilled, so much so I don’t feel like I need a relationship anymore.” It made me feel sick. After some time, I now realize that she was trying to live through me rather than view me as a separate person. As trans people tend to do with crushes, we wish we were those “crushes” rather than be in a relationship with them. With her feeling exactly that with me, she trying forcing herself to live through me.

I returned her sisters belongings in their mailbox, and I went home. It was the end of all the relationships and family I had grown and developed. I now have one last friend, though they just so happen to be someone from group therapy and the hospital. Though we try our best to help eachother, my story has not gotten better. My grandfather passed away, and my dad is now taking on the personality of my grandfather. He holds me by the shoulders to kiss me so that I stop moving away, tells me how I should go outside more often so he could see me happy again, and has been hanging out with a lot of straight white men who happen to be Trump supporters. My mother is a hoarder, and is so clinically depressed I have to take care of her whenever I see her. My brother refuses to get help for his ADHD, and still is very agressive when he talks to me.

I want to end and say things get better. Though they haven’t just yet... I hope this really is the end of this uncontrollable string.

Spirit animal vs Kin

I love Chizu with all my heart. His spirit always lives strong within me. I would like to know, since I haven’t seen much of it, does anyone in this community believe that your spirit animal is separate? I certainly feel like my spirit, in essence, is a fox. However it is not coming from Chizu, it feels as if it’s my spirit. Is what I’m experiencing a shift in animals, or is this another kintype within me?

This is Family

Do you believe in fake otherkin?

People who are simply there for the attention, but don’t realize it? They are constantly asking to be accepted and believe themselves to be better than others because they’re different? They actively let it be known that they are otherkin, and get angry when you have the slightest doubt about their beliefs? People who constantly rant and post acceptance posts?

Indoor cats should also be played with frequently and fed after play. Make sure they have the proper places to climb. Please treat your cats well and make sure to leave tags on your animals regardless. If they run away, it could also be because they want a better life.

When your cat comes back, give it treats.

This is our #kittyconvict project.  More info here. 

FUCK silverfish

♡ Ita-mals Ita Bags ♡ please don’t remove this caption! (◕‿◕✿)

A group of Mexican veterinarians posed with Pokémon and OMG it’s too cute.

*squeaks in panda*

*screams in dragon*

So Treat us like Animals

If you want to treat therians like animals so be it. If we hiss at you you have no right to hit us. If we bite you, you have no right to euthanize us for aggression. If we want to play with cat toys let us. If we want to run in a feild let us. Hunting of any kind in the United States, and Canada for sport is very much near impossible to do. Like anything, if you truly hunt you use what you need to survive. However, simply killing an animal because you don’t like their behavior is not only immoral but animal abuse. If you want to hang human pelts on your walls people will report you for killing and skinning a person, that is no longer to be able to be proven therian.

If we are hamsters give us proper care, rather than a toy. If we are a bird don’t give us the improper room to lock us in. Even if we are a wolf, you cannot simply shoot us for simply *existing* as a threat to you. If we believe we are owls, let us live in proper containment. If we are cows you have no reason to brand us. When we are rats, you can’t run your own science experiment on us. If we are pandas let us sleep rather than being your trophy. Our lions befriend, and only when you scare us will we fight.

So be it if you want to treat us like animals. Even if it somehow managed to pass, you would be on trial for animal abuse and neglect for forcing us to be in your care. Even if there was a new market where you could buy your own therian cat of dog, you cannot keep us in your basement and give us the little food we can barely chew on. You cannot hit us for biting, scratching, and making noise. If you think this is how you treat animals, then you should get yourself on trial for having neglected and abused animals who were in no right of diserving it.

Can’t top any of this really. But I hated my middle school nurses. I had a severe allergic reaction to the freshly cut grass in PE and went to the nurses office with rashes up and down my legs and my forearms cause I only wore a t-shirt and shorts that day. I asked the nurse if she had any rubbing alcohol or any type of relief topical medicine like that which counters this really bad reaction that happens. She told me no because alcohol is not allowed on campus. Funny enough, just a year before, my elementary school nurse treated me with rubbing alcohol so I could stop itching. So this middle school nurse made me wash off my allergic reaction with soap and water which burned and itched like hell.

Not only this happened. I had a severe case of hives and my parents still forced me to go to school for some reason. When it was unbearable I went to the nurse. She said all she could do was send me home. Of course my parents didn’t want that so they got me medication to rub on at school instead. Nurse allowed it for some dumb reason.

Trip to the school nurse

Red panda wants to be included!

Hey you, yes, you!

Do you have an uncommon animal kintype? Well I’m here to tell you that you’re valid!

Fish kintype? Amazing!

Your kintype is extinct? That’s okay!

Plant kintype? You look beautiful!

Bug kintype? Great!

Seal kintype? You’re so cute!

Flightless Bird kintype? Gorgeous!

Rodent kintype? Love you!

Frog kintype? Hopping rad! (See what I did there?)

Snail kintype? lovely!

Your kintype is considered a myth? You’re real to me!

Farm animal kintype? Cool!

Suggest some more and I can add them!

One day will come in handy

Please learn pet CPR and the signs of choking. I saw posters once on tumblr and lightly skimmed over them (posted above).

Today those posters saved my cats life.

Sumi opened a treat bag and Panini, being a greedy fat ass, swallowed one whole.

Theyre not large treats but it was still enough to get lodged in her throat. I was not about to watch a third pet die while i hopelessly tried to save them, especially when I knew there was a way to.

Im surprised she didnt try to murder my arms. Feral + choking = a mess. But she totally let me do what i needed. And shes not even upset with me.

I dont know how long she had been choking but no air was coming in or going out, and she was violently scratching at her mouth.

Even during those first 20-30 seconds of the heimlich, no air was moving. As soon as i heard the tiniest air escape i gave her a good hard thrust and out came the treat, and shes totally fine.

I, of course, was not. I immediately sat on the floor hyperventilating and sobbing after i knew she was okay, even though i held my cool fully during that whole shebang. Its a type of fear no one should experience.

I hope these help you if you ever go through these. Enjoy a picture of the culprit.

Credits

🍰?

Definitely strawberry! I love strawberry flavored sweets, and I highly recommend Korean strawberry milk if you like it too (=´∀｀) (I can’t wait until they’re in season, so usually I use frozen strawberries on a whim)

Recipie is here: