omniouslemon
Ominous.
Fell in love with your face off the shrooms.The way it animates your eyes in the room.
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I hate myself and I hate my unusual triggers and I hate that people have to tip toe around me about seemingly innocent topics that should NOT be affecting me like this
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It’s really wild being in your 30s and not knowing who you are.
But at the same time you’re made up of quirks, ticks and interests that make you, you and that is your identity.
But all of them make you extremely different from your small minded town so you suffocate.
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Imagine never giving a fuck what people think.
But then giving all the fucks about what people think.
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my personality is based around my interests and hobbies from when I was around 13 and I still have to live up to that identity despite having no connections to those things anymore
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social anxiety summed up:
you’re at a gathering, a mix between people you know and people you haven’t met yet. you stay close to those you know and try to mingle only with them because that’s what you’re comfortable with.
but what’s this? someone new sits next to you, a woman. you feel like you should introduce yourself. no one else has yet. you won’t say anything. No one else has introduced themselves so you won’t either. but the woman isn’t talking to anyone. you feel guilty. should you say something? should you be quiet. what if you talk to her and she’s mean? what if she talks about a topic you’re unfamiliar with? what if you get stuck talking to her and she never stops talking?
why isn’t anyone else acknowledging this? am I the only one who feels like this entire situation is awkward? maybe I’m the reason it’s awkward. they think I’m acting funny and I’m ruining the whole situation. she’s making eye contact with me, look away. it’s so hot in here. can they see me sweating? what if they think I’m making everything awkward. is my face weird? do I smell? someone say something, please don’t make me be the first to stay something.
why did I come? Why didn’t I just stay home?
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Idk if I’ll ever be ready for a relationship because my fucking mental health gets in the way of everything
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People should be able to express feeling suicidal without the risk of being put into a hospital or someone calling suicide-watch on them. Just because someone is feeling suicidal doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to kill themselves. Sometimes it just means they want to die at that moment and they need to talk about it in order to NOT ACT ON IT.
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Conversation
Friend: how are you?
Me: fine
Friend: you promise?
Me: I am literally never fine. I live my life always with some form of sadness or distress due to my misfortune of having a mental illness. Although I am lying to you, it is far easier to simply say 'I'm fine' rather than go through all the reasons I'm not and manipulate you into caring. Sorry for wasting your time
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If I respect your religion then I expect you to respect my lack of a religion thank you very much
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I love Cyanide and Happiness… and this is an amazing comic that hits home with the truth.
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Having BPD is like being a dog. Like seriously:
Extremely loyal
When someone we love leaves we assume they’re dead/not coming back
Get overly excited when someone comes back, even if it’s been like 10 minutes
Love cuddles
Whine
Throw tantrums when someone we love pays attention to someone else
Get super excited when we meet others with BPD
Will often stay and love those who are mean to us
Oh, and will bite your face off if you try and hurt someone we love
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