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oddinarylani · 3 months

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10:58 pm | chan | a place to sleep, for just some time.

they jingled and shook together between your fingers; your keys. even just walking to your car, which was a mere few steps from your complex, left the scratched metal freezing cold and wet with condensation. the skin of your fingers was beginning to turn a rosy, pretty shade of red - kissed by the wind chill and met with the cold unceremoniously.

huffs of hot breath leave your lips, your hand shoves your keys into your ignition - the click alerts your ears, and you turn.

she struggles to start up, a few repeated misfires as she tries to get started up in the cold, you push your lips together, “c’mon-“ you mutter once before she starts, engine coming to life as your radio begins to sound throughout the confines of your car. you sigh in relief, sitting back to get cozy for the next 20 minutes it takes her to get even the slightest bit warm.

as the engine warms to the first notch, some random playlist going - though your mind was rather fixated on how cold it was, not what music was playing, your phone buzzes.

did it start up okay?

your hands tremble, fingers numb as you type a reply.

yeah, i’m letting it warm up before i head over

please drive safe. the roads don’t look so good.

i will, i promise. i’ll go slow so it’ll take me a minute.

your phone still trembles in your fingers, a long shaky exhale leaves your lips, and chan sends a few more messages asking you to promise to be safe. forever doting on your wellbeing as he always had. it brings a smile to your shakes, and your car is a notch warmer. you change the song, hiding your fingers inside your jacket as you try to warm.

your knuckles have almost split and cracked from the dryness - you feel the ache over the skin - red and flustered and freezing, a kind of beautiful clash against the pure white of the snow on the ground.

it was reaching -22° now - the power had been out for 2 days, and you texted chan out of pure frozen desperation. finally caving on his request to have you stay over to keep out of the cold of your apartment. ice was beginning to form around your window pane, and now, you could periodically see your breaths in your own home. groceries were getting low and you were feeling fairly hopeless and frustrated at the predicament.

with one more promise of your carefulness to chan, you pull out of your complex to begin you drive, changing the song once more.

the ice and frozen pavement crunches and groans under your tires, but you have one thing on your mind keeping you going - and when you finally arrive you nearly feel like crying just at the sight.

chan walks out the door to greet you and take your bags, burying further in his hoodie when he feels how cold it’s getting outside. you throw your bags over you shoulder, waddling up to him and leaning up to kiss him when he takes your bags.

“hey baby,” he smiles. “let’s get you inside.” you nod, jaw chattering.

“if you want to lay down or change i just put the heated blanket on in my bed, i’ll get you some tea.” he leans in, kissing your cheek as you nod and shuffle off to his room.

his apartment is warm, warm and so comforting. you shes your layers, down to a long sleeve shirt and your fleece leggings and socks and slide into his bed, feeling your bones and muscles relax to the warmth and your jaw still from the chattering.

chan comes in a moment later, smiling at your cocooned state; the blankets pulled to your mouth, eyes closed as your body tries to take in as much warmth as possible.

“c’mere, baby.” he lifts the covers to slide in next to you, shuddering when he feels how cold you were against him. “o-ooh, you’re so cold.” he frowns softly, fully pressing his body against you, wrapping his arms around you. his hands gently scratch and soothe your skin, warming you up beneath his palms.

you nuzzle for his warmth, face buried in his shoulder and neck, your legs searching and preening to be intertwined with his. “i-i know, sorry.” you mumble, keeping your freezin digits to yourself until they warmed up enough.

“don’t apologize, baby. just glad you’re here, couldn’t imagine how bad it was at your place.” he cradles the back of your head, fingers scratching at your scalp and threading through your hair.

god, it felt so good to be in his arms. he was all encompassing, sobering - like being held by him brought every thought to the forefront of your mind and it was all just him.

he was warm, holding you in the way he knew you loved, the way he always did. it took the breath from you a bit, to be swallowed up by him.

the water for your tea dings and he stands, softly rubbing your waist and hip as he gets up. “i’ll be right back, you want cream? sugar?” you nod and he chuckles, coming back a moment later with your tea in hand. you sit up, a bit fuzzy from the warmth and take the cup he offered, the steam wafting from the top ever inviting.

you smile softly at him, your eyes meeting for a brief moment. “thank you, my love.” you lean in once more, your lips meting softly as a thank you. he hums, eyes a bit sparkly and mouth crinkled with a soft smile.

his eyes filter down to your hands, brow and eyes contorting. “oh your hands,” he fetches a small bottle of lotion, popping open the cap as he puts a good amount in his own hands, taking yours.

he brings your hands to his lips, kissing them softly with his pillowy lips before working the lotion into your skin.

you smile at his gesture, soon the cracking of your knuckles healed over a bit with the moisture, and he takes your hands in his, squeezing softly.

“you’re too good to me.” you chuckle, leaning further to wrap your arms around him, fully wrapped in his embrace.

#stray kids #skz #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #bang chan x reader #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #oddinarylani // bang chan #bang chan x y/n #bang chan x you #bang chan blurb #skz blurb #stray kids blurb #skz comfort #stray kids comfort #bang chan comfort #bang chan fluff #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic

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oddinarylani · 3 months

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korn // follow the leader (1998)

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oddinarylani · 3 months

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making friends in this fandom is always so special.

MY MOOTIES !!

(in no specific order i love all of you i promise)

@sona1800: literally my long lost twin 🥺 you mean everything to me bby 🫶 i love talking to you and spending time with you bc you’ve helped me so much in the past month you have no idea… so grateful for you love 💕

@kai-lee08: MY PRETTY BABY OH MY GOSH 🤭💕 YOU MEAN SO SO SO MUCH TO ME MY LOVE AUGH YOURE SO CUTE I CANT (Æ Æ Æ ‼️)

@skzoologist: you are actually so perfect i will cry bc it’s hard to believe someone as amazing as you actually exists 😭 (your accent actually has me in a chokehold)

@writingforstraykids: i love talking to you so much you actually make me so happy and AUGHHH I LOVE YOU NAT WEUIGFYU 💕💕💕

@yangbbokari: MUMUUUU OH MY GOD I ACTUALLY LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOURE SO AMAZING AND SO SO TALENTED >.<

@jinnie-ret: you're literally so cute and tiny (even tho youre older than me) and youre so perfect and OMG i love you <3

@cheesemonky: OMG LEISEL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH (even tho youre old) YOURE ACTUALLY SUCH A CUTIE PIE AND UGH YOUR ACCENT IS EVERYTHNNG I LIVE FOR 😍

@cinnamostar: i still remember the first time we interacted and how i literally exploded when i read your league of legends felix fic (still not over that) thank you for showing me how to use discord youre literally an angel 🥰

@hearts4leeknow: RIN RIN RIN YOU CUTIE OH MY GOSH YOU ARE SUCH AN AMAZING AND TALENTED AND PERFECT WRITER YOU HAVE MY HEART AND YOUR ANGST OH MY GOSH 🤭

@miuracha: miu... MIU... WHEN I TELL YOU IVE BEEN LISTENING TO YOUR AUDIOS AND READING YOUR FICS FOR MONTHS IM NOT EVEN JOKING I THINK I ACTUALLY DIED WHEN YOU FOLLOWED ME BACK (i was so excited you have no idea...) 😱

@arafilez: us becoming moots was actually something i didnt expect at all bc i didnt expect you to notice me BUT YOU DID bc your acc died (still mad abt that btw) AND IM LITERALLY SO HAPPY WE INTERACT NOW 😊

@oddinarylani: we dont interact much on tumblr but you have no idea how many times ive gone back to your page to read your angst... always gives me a good cry omfg. love you bby 🥺

@xpeachesncream: your drunk texting series has me on my KNEEEES lord it was so good ily sm <3 🤭

@mnwrld: i remember seeing you first following me one day and i literally binged every single one of your fics... THEY ARE ACTUALLY SO YUM I CANT (you write single parents so accurately too?!) 🤯

@hanstarrs: ive actually yet to talk with you but you are SUCH a big inspo to me. reading your works always gets me so giggly and AUGH youre amazing 😩

@2miniverses: i... i- YOUR SUB!SEUNGMIN DRABBLE?! OH LORD HAVE MERCY PLEASE I ACTUALLY COULD NOT BREATHE AFTER THAT 🫣

@vixialuvs: OMOGMOGMOOMGOM YOUR SMUT PLEASE YOURE ACTUALLY SO AMAZNIG AT WRITING IT AND YOUR BEOMGYU FIC IS WRITTEN IN SUCH A PERFECT WAY ITS ACTUALLY ADDICTING 🫠

@slvt4felix: i recently read your little hyunjin meet-cute fic and let me tell you... its actually PHENOMENAL like i love it so much you have NO IDEA AUGHHH 🤗

@chqnverse: even tho we dont interact much on tumblr i LOVE your fics especially the angst 🤭

@wegc: DO I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU??? I THINK ABOUT YOUR POSTS ON THE DAILY. MWWWAH YOURE DOING GODS WORK 🫶💕

@michelle4eve: as im writing this it has literally been a couple of hours since we became moots and i can see you liking all my posts youre such a sweetheart ily 🥺

@gayforfelix: im actually not sure if you write bc ive never seen your fics but ive seen you interact with my blog and you are just soooo cute ily bby <3

@hyewka: i... i- GOD I FEEL LIKE IM GONNA PASS OUT EVERY TIME I TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR BLOG BC I READ THE SUB!HYBRID PUPPY GYU THOUGHT LIKE EVERY WEEK OH LORD 😩

@bangchansgirlsblog: your ANGST i cant BREATHE its actually PERFECT in EVERY WHICH WAY and reading it gets me in such a sad mood and so motivated to write angst again (thats a compliment btw) 😊

@maximumkillshot: you are actually such a cutie pie, and though i only read your kpop fics throughout your blog, they are SO SO SO good and im so glad i stumbled upon your page that one day ilysm <3

@linos-kitten: your smut... your FLUFF... YOUR ANGST?! GOD YOU ARE SUCH A TALENTED WRITER IM ACTUALLY ON MY KNEES JESUS CHRIST 🧎‍♀️

@ivyisnotokay: idk if you write fics bc ive never seen them before (sorry) BUT I LITERALLY SEE YOUR REBLOGS ALL THE TIME AND OH GOD YOU ARE SOOOOOO SWEET ILY DARLING <3

@babybreadddd: ive only ever seen one of your fics (i dont remember seeing any more on your masterlist) and let me tell you... i am already HOOKED !!! ily so much bby keep up the amazing work 🥺

@astraysimp: YOUR FICS ARE SO CUTTTTTTTTE LIKE THEY ACTUALLY MAKE MY HEART FLUTTER I CANT EVEN DEAL WITH THE FLUFF YOU WRITE ITS TOO ADORABLE 🫠

@leaneverleaves2: i think ive only read your ditto fic but oh my god its so cute and comforting :((( youre such a talented writer my love <3

@skzstannie: your angst... YOUR ANGST?! HOLY FUCK NUTS ITS SO AMAZING AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO BAWL MY EYES OUT (thats such a big compliment btw dw) 😭

@noyurcapri: i think youre actually one of my first moots ever and i love you so much bc youre always interacting and supporting me <3 I LOVE YOUUU MWAH >//<

@laylasbunbunny: OH MY GOSHHH I LITERALLY SEE YOU REBLOGGING EVERYTHING AND I REMEMBER OUR FIRST INTERACTION WHEN YOU ASKED FOR A PT 3 OF THE FELIX FIC ILY SO MUCHHHH <3

@youfoundme-not: oh my gosh... i could literally never forget you. i remember when you just sent general feedback in my inbox and i literally started SOBBING bc it was the first thing ive ever gotten there. i love you baby <3 💕

@number1jeonginstan: idk how to explain it but your fluff is SO FLUFFY and its like in the most adorable way its so sweet like candy and OMGGGGG MWAH <3 🥺

@chansdoll: your hard thoughts... ouhhh baby let me tell you... you have SUCH an amazing mind and SUCH an amazing way of writing it out I LOVE YOUR WORKS 🫣

@jazziwritesthings: OMG YOU LITTLE CUTIE I LOVE YOU JAZZI ESPECIALLY YOUR 'missing you' FIC OH LORRDDDD 🫠

@linocvp1d: idk if youre a writer but i literally always see you interacting with peoples posts and it has me so giggly bc youre SO SUPPORTIVE AUGHHH ILY <3

@gyustarzzi: bby i love your little ateez headcannons theyre SOOOOOOO cute and your blog is so aesthetic and adorable too?! i cant w you youre so cutie pie omg... 🫶

lmk if i missed any of you <3 love all of you so so sooooooo much :))

#oddinarylani // moots #oddinarylani // mooties #moots #mooties #atinyniki #stray kids #skz #love my moots #moots <3

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oddinarylani · 3 months

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"you don't want me" | skz | pt. 1 | chan, lee know, changbin, hyunjin

9:51 pm. bang chan.

it was past midnight by now. the moon wasn’t shining. she was hidden behind great big storm clouds that’d been crying since noon. the dirt turned to slush, the pavements now a dark gray - different from their softer brighter colors underneath the sun. the only sound that triumphed through the room was the white-noise sound of the rain - beating down on the roof, on the windows, on cars outside, and on the earth.

empty. just empty. and tired. so tired. there wasn’t a way to describe it; and you were tired of trying. you hadn’t the drive for much anymore, not for work, or friends, but you still stood out for chan. you always would. you just haven’t been good at it for the past few weeks - and he was worried to bits which was the last thing you wanted.

maybe silence and the dreadful exhaustion of not even trying to communicate would fix things. maybe he’d get the right idea and move on. this couldn’t be good for him, no, surely not. there was better in the world, it just wasn’t the home of your arms.

“would you talk to me?” he asks, his voice shaky - brows melted together and worried sick. and he was truly worried sick. checking his phone for any texts from you or updates, laying awake when he let the worry eat him up.

you look up from your hands, realizing you were lost in thought. “o-oh, yeah. sorry.”

“sorry? i just want you to talk to me. you don’t have to apologize.” he grabs at your hands, a slippery grip that shakes his stable hold, he eventually steadies his hold and looks at you with a kind of wavering certainty. he’s trying desperately to be the strength you need, but his vigor is faltering. he sees all the hope in the palms of his hands being to melt away and he hadn’t the time to sort through the hundreds of thoughts forming in the terrorous wake of that.

your hand falls slack in his own, failing in your grip of his desperate grab of your hands. chan watches every microexpression that graces your face, seeing your brows bleed together. doubt strikes your features, and you slide your hand from his grasp, shaking your head before the words leave your mouth.

all you had to do was muster the strength to speak the words, but even then, swallowed by a kind of grief, completely blindsided by false-truths, but even then it hurt to say.

“y-you don’t want me,,” your watery eyes can’t even meet chan’s - he feels his heart shatter into a million pieces all over the floor.

“you’re all i want, all i have ever wanted- what do you mean.” and his voice wobbles, he wants to reach out, grab you, stabilize you - shake the sense into you, because what do you mean he doesn’t want you? he’s wanted you so terribly for so long that he let it tear him up inside.

“i’ve been in love with you for years- i-i love you so much, you’re all i want.” he does reach out now, bracing your arms in his gentle hands when the tears spill over your cheeks and you crumble in his hold.

“b-but i’m like,,, this- i-i don’t-” he brings your body into his arms, your chest meeting his as his big arms wrap around you and hold you tight to his body. he’s warm, and his embrace just fills you up so much you don’t know what to do with it.

“i love this part too. i promised you that and i do. i always will okay?” his hands hold the sides of your head, over your hair - and he pulls away to look you in the eye when he says that. he knows you need to hear it, knows you need to look at him when he does.

you fold and buckle, only able to nod to keep your voice from wobbling and cracking. you wrap your arms around his waist, resting your cheek against his chest.

“i’ll never stop telling you i love you.” he presses his plushy lips to the top of your head, his hands smoothing over your back gently. “i’ll tell you more.” he promises.

“i-i’m scared i’ll push you away, that i’ll scare yo-you off or that i’ll hurt you. i-i can’t-” you shake your head against him and frown, his t-shirt soaking up the wetness from your cheeks. “i can’t hurt you, chan. i can’t do that to you.”

“you don’t hurt me, baby. you never have, i promise. just wanna be here for you.” he mumbles against your hair, his hand cradling the side of your head. his lips leave tingly kisses along your hairline, and his promises to you fill you with love that you’re unsure what to do with.

you nod against him, and he smooths his hands over your head again, “okay? i love you.” he pulls away, his eyes soft and brows melted together as his sights washed over your tear stained cheeks and face. “love you too.” you mumble, his thumbs swiping your under eyes and drying your cheeks.

8:12 am. lee know.

soft cuts of sunlight filtered in through the lines of the blinds and you’re immediately met with the warmth of the bed beneath you. the shirt you were wearing wasn’t yours, and your hair still seemed done from the night before - with a wandering and curious gaze, your eyes filter over to the sight next to you, and your lips part in surprise.

minho, laying like an angel, as always. sleepy, soft skin blanketed by a thick comforter - lean muscle beneath. his hair was sprawled and he was still wearing makeup but if he wasn’t the prettiest sight in the world you didn’t know what was.

only problem of course, he was your friend. a long time friend. and you’d been into him for far too long to let this slide.

quickly, your legs slither out from the comforters, your toes finding the wood floors with ease as you move quietly to slink out of his bed, your gaze fixated on his sleeping face the entirety of your attempted escape. you pull on your skirt from the night before, grab your shoes in one hand before they slip from your grip and clatter to the floor quite ceremoniously.

your face winces up, shoulders and spine tight as he stirs, his eyes fluttering open.

he leans up on his elbows, eyes squinted as they adjust to the mild morning light coming from behind his blinds.

“what’re you doing?” he asks tiredly, slumping back into the mattress as you gather your shoes in your hand once more.

you push your hair from your face, huffing to gather your breath as you look at him. “i have to leave, minho.” you explain, feeling the tightness in your chest gather at the thought.

“you don’t, come back to bed-” he groans, stretching, his hand gently offered to you as he laid back down, eyes sleepy and voice croaky.

all of your hurt, after all of these years comes back to the forefront of your brain. the nights you spent crying, realizing he’d never want you, the years spent in pain in realization you’d never have him. and you can’t stop yourself from blurting what you truly felt, tired and defeated.

“you don’t want me.” you shrug like it’s easy, like there was no other way, only acceptance of what you’d manage to convince yourself of. your chest aches at the sound of your own statement, but you grip your shoes a little closer and swallow the dryness in your throat.

he leans up, slow. the crinkle of the comforter as he does so only fills you further with nervous anticipation. his eyes are still tired, angeled and low and he seems so pleased with what he says.

“i do want you.” his brows lift for a moment. not for a second does his eye contact waver - and you knew, a small but very true part of you knew he wasn’t lying but you couldn’t accept it. no it wouldn’t be that easy, and maybe it meant something different to him.

“no you don’t.” it’s gentle, defeated, barely rolled off your mouth when you say it and he feels your hurt - feels a bit of his own too though he wouldn’t like to admit it.

“i do.” he presses. his expression changes, one of understanding that melts at the ache in your chest. he softens, his hand now more of an extended invitation. almost like he was silently pleading with you to just take it - take it and trust him.

your fingertips tingle with the twinge of need that extends in your touch; they act before you can control them. the back of your hand raises, the supple skin of your palm meets his, and he wraps his hand around yours the moment you touch.

it feels so right - god it feels right. it nearly takes the breath away from you - even this was enough. just this.

he pulls you closer to him, his arm lifting to circle around your waist like it was the first time he’d ever done so; his touch and hold almost chivalrous. never for a second does he let his eyes leave your own, your face. his skin awakens prickles in your skin, your lungs take in breaths shakily - like every bit of you trembles at his touch.

he takes your hand, swallows it in his grip because he wants to ground you - just think of me. it’s like he says. i’m here. a promise. what he can’t muster to say in words - he tries desperately hard to say in the way he floods your senses. it’s bracing, whole.

“have for a while.” he admits softly, as your knee comes to press into the softness of his bed, getting closer by the second.

“why didn’t you say anything?” you ask, sitting with your legs folded over his own cloaked by the comforter.

he shakes his head gently, brows raised again, for a moment. “don’t know.” he musters, smiling for a second at the realization of his own sheer disbelief. why hadn’t he? fear? doubt?

“i should’ve said something too. ‘s okay.” you squeeze his hand before softly pulling it from his grasp, knowing he wasn’t the biggest fan of skinship. but to your surprise, he reaches back out for you.

he pulls your hand to his cheek, leaning into the touch with soft low gaze. his skin is warm, his guidance of your hand to his face is gentle, and you feel your heart lighten at the action, a small understanding smile on your lips. your shoes are disregarded, hair messy, but all you see is him. and all he wants is you.

3:43 pm. changbin.

“your friend,” your mom begins. “the one with the…” her voice drifts off, her hands gesturing in long strokes of her fingers from the top of her head to her mid-waist, repeating this action until you understood. the long hair, she was meaning.

“yeah,” you follow with their name.

“their parents were at the recital - did you know she’s going off to a performing arts high school?” and you swallow because of course you knew this, the whole school did. and now your hands were wringing together because you were nervous, anxious. and you just didn’t want to hear her actually say it or it’d confirm everything.

“why don’t you do something like that?

it was a frightening feeling and not at all fleeting. no. this sat with you, cooked inside your brain and marinated in a venomous concoction of long-lasting insecurity and self-doubt.

being loved by and loving changbin was a catalyst and returning friend of a face you said goodbye to some time ago. comparatively, you and changbin were very different people. a world-renown producer and artistic creator to one of the most popular kpop groups to ever rise in the industry, and you.

little you.

with nimble fingers half-good at crochet, a homemade recipe for lemon ginger tea, and a smile you convinced yourself most days was nice, you didn’t compare. it wasn’t sad, it took no convincing on your end, it just was.

suddenly consciousness regains in the forefront of your mind - and it slips from your lips before you can stop it.

“you don’t want me.” it’s said into the phone pressed against your cheek, you’re driving, and you’re nearly home. the rain is still falling from the morning - shining and wetting the roads up for traffic lights to reflect their bright colors on the throats of puddles.

on the other end of the line, changbin’s voice dies in his throat - too thoroughly stunned in the moment to even try speaking. his lips part, his brain thinks over the words you’ve just said to him, and he can’t puzzle himself as to why you’d ever say that.

“w-why do you want me-” a sharp intake of breath past your lips, a shudder, the slam of your car into park as the doors unlock and his very first instinct before anything else is to be there.

he says your name, speaks it with ease - familiarized himself with the way it feels in his mouth, and he stutters before speaking again.

“of course i want you- are-are you okay? talk to me, baby what’s going on?” he stiffens up in his chair and chan leaves the room to grab a call from an executive. right now the music doesn’t matter, the hours of work spent trying to delicately assemble a new track doesn’t matter, the only thing he can think about is you. why you’re saying this.

“i-it’s been-” you sniff, wiping your face at the pathetic notion of your own tears. “it’s been on my mind lately and i can’t stop thinking about it, bin.” your hand shakes with the grip on your phone, voice failing as you succumb to the tears. your shoulders shake, and you put a hand over your mouth to muffle the noise - as if you could hide it from changbin.

“baby, i’m here, i’m here, it’s okay. let me wrap this up with chan real quick and i’ll be over okay? you at your place?” he asks, voice soft and turned away from the mixing booth as chan walks back into the studio.

you nod, humming and confirming.

“i’ll be on my way in a minute, okay? i’ll text you when i’m headed over, baby.”

he leaves a minute later, driving like hell to get to you quick enough - and when he sprints up the stairs to your apartment he walks in to find the lights low and your form sitting on the couch - head resting in your hand.

“i’m here, baby. what’s wrong.” he doesn’t miss a beat - immediately he kneels at the couch, his hands coming to stroke your upper arms, coaxing you soothingly to open up to him. you shake your head, lips wobbling.

“god- it’s pathetic really, bin-” you almost chuckle in hindsight. “just…” you look down, feeling the warmth of his hands as he circles you.

there’s a brief intermittent pause. a realization. it washes over you and steals the words from your mouth and the thoughts along with them. his hands pause between your bodies as if he’s afraid - afraid to touch you - afraid to upset you. more big wet tears cascade down your cheeks, face flushed with heat and red, and you wish more now than ever that he’d just hold you.

“i-i don’t,,, i can’t-” you sniff. “compare to you.” it angers you to even speak it, knowing it’d hurt him. why.

“y-you don’t,,” you shake your head, your eyes filtering up to meet his own that look at you with such disbelief it’s almost sobering.

you were telling him this. like it was a fact, like it was your decision to make. he thinks maybe that’s why it hurt so much to hear you say it. like there was no alternative in your mind, nothing you could tell yourself to soothe this particular ache. like your mind was made up.

“baby, baby-” he stands to sit next to you on the couch, gently grabbing your legs to toss over his own, his hands coming to stroke the wetness from your cheeks. every touch of his skin on your own is terribly grounding and sobering, and for a moment your tears slow a bit as he cradles your face in his calloused hands.

“all i want is you. all i want. okay? i want all of you, on your best and worst days.” his arms circle you, hand resting at the back of your head to urge him into your shoulder. there’s where your tears fall now, arms grasping onto him and his shoulders. “there’s nothing you or anyone else could say to change my mind either. you’re perfect and i love you.”

you nod against him, breathing in shaky. “i love you. i love you so much.” you know he’ll say it as many times as he must before you accept it.

“love you too. love you.” you’ve become something like putty in his arms as he holds you. his hands soothe over your back, and you hear it; hear him. and believe him.

1:03 am. hyunjin.

your fingertips shake, fluttering over the textured fabric of the dress sitting daintily from your figure. a breath released, a breath inhaled, and in the next moment - it all comes crumbling; the image of yourself you brave for yourself. the falsities, the fabrications. in the reflection of the mirror you watch peripherally your face drop, turning to the side to run your hands over the curve of your body, trying to make it fit, trying to fit this idea into a box.

your hands drop slack, hitting the sides of your legs. your composure weakens and you feel a buckle in your ability to withstand it.

“fuck,,” you whisper, turnin away from the mirror with your hands on your face - fighting with might only a god could match to keep from crying.

too many tears were shed because of this very same reality, you didn’t want to give it the satisfaction of succumbing to it.

but your knees buckle - submitting to it, and you’re right back at square zero.

hyunjin was going to be home any moment now, this fact had drifted away from your thoughts as hot tears welled up in your eyes, only when you hear the door unlock do you tighten up like board was tied to your back. you stand, walking to the closet to change quickly. just as your fingers unzipped the back, tears rolling over your cheeks and jaw, hyunjin announces he’s walked into the bedroom with a soft, “i’m back, baby.”

his voice was soft, and he was completely oblivious and safe from the torrent of thoughts within your skull. he slinks in, your hands pause from unzipping your dress. “ah,” you sniff. “hey honey.”

his head turns in your direction at the sound of that.

he doesn’t have sights on you, you’re hidden behind the closet doors, but he makes his way over quietly, making a questioning type of humming noise, as if gently asking, “what?”

you keep your lips sealed, unable to conjure an excuse quick enough - he’s suspected you already and you know if he finds you like this, it’ll be a torrential downpour you won’t be able to stop - hyunjin had that effect.

“,,,babe? what’s-“ “d-don’t-“ your hand stops him from opening the closet door, you didn’t mean for the action to come across as aggressive it was - but you couldn’t let him see, and your heartbreaks at the idea.

“what’s wrong, angel? i won’t judge you, i promise.” he relaxes his hands on the closet doors, his eyes darting over it’s surface. there’s a bit of anxiety boiling up now for hyunjin, he hadn’t a clue what was going on but he expected the worst by far. all he wanted was to be there for you - know why you were upset and help.

“the dress i-… it doesn’t look good.” you sniff again, on the very edge once more as tears build more, faster.

“i’m sure you look beautiful, baby. it’s okay. can i come in?” he doesn’t press the door, but instead waits for your consent.

“s-some of the beading came off while i was putting it on and the seams look stretched-“ you take a breath shakily from your nose, “hyunjin-“ you say his name with reason, like saying it would be enough to soothe you. hyunjin feels his heart ache deep within his chest, his bottom lip pushed out slightly as he hears your hurt.

“you won’t… you won’t want me.”

it absolutely tears him up inside the way you say that.

he pushes the door with no fighting from you, eyes first and only meeting your eye contact. “all i want is you, okay? i want you.” he promises, hands a bit shaky as he smooths over your hair and holds your face, his movements a bit sporadic as he tries everything he can to get you to focus on him, on what he was saying.

“i love you.” he exhales. “i love you.” his hands shake your face the slightest amount to just try to get you to believe him.

“and you look so beautiful, baby.” he mumbles into your hairline, pulling you into his arms, his own eyes closed tight. his hands flatten against your back, running his palms smooth over your exposed skin. “you are so beautiful.”

in his arms, your crying slows. and the only reason he lets you go is to make a point.

“come. follow me.” he grasps your hand, letting you follow behind him with as he stands in your mirror.

“look at you.” he smiles softly, holding your hands in his own. “so pretty,” he whispers as if in thought, looking over your form as if it was a book to study.

you wipe your face, feeling hyunjin begin to walk behind you, his hand kept only our waist as he now towers behind you - warm hand resting on your hip. “i knew when i bought this you’d look beautiful but,, it’s more than that.” his voice is soft, only shared between the both of you.

you shake your head gently, feeling his hands steady on your zipper, stabilizing your side as he begins zipping you up - his eyes thoroughly focused on your form in the mirror as he does so. he says it like he doesn’t doubt it even for a moment. there’s not a moment he doesn’t think you’re outstanding, and not a moment he wishes to quiet his claim of your beauty.

“look at me,” he asks, gently lifting your chin to meet his eyes in the mirror. you let his soft touch gently guide you - his thumb swiftly drying a stray tear. his hand settles on the other side of your waist, holding you in his hands. his look is all too knowing, chin dropped, fully expectant on you understanding what he was thinking - and all you can do for a moment is chuckle, wiping your cheeks.

“you look so pretty, baby - this was made for you.” he promises, admiring the texture of the dress under his hands as he gently strokes your sides and smiles.

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