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ocean-eyes-lance-blog · 6 years

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it’s not your fault | langst

Lance messed up. He messed up, and now both Pidge and Hunk were stuck in the healing pods. His best friends injured because he made a stupid mistake. Dios, he was such an idiot.

They were on a ground mission and he got too cocky and accidentally uncovered their hidden position. Galra swarmed them immediately, and even though Voltron managed to win, the team got banged up pretty bad. Pidge and Hunk got the brunt of the attack.

God, he’s such an idiot. There’s nothing left for him to do, nothing to help fix what he caused. Instead, he was left to pace around his room, too afraid and guilty to go to the medbay.

I’m such a coward, he thought bitterly, pulling at the strands of hair on his head. What a good paladin I am.

Lance could feel Blue absently in his mind, trying to calm him. His thoughts blocked her out, the ‘what if’s and the ‘how could I do that’s clouding his brain. He paced his room until his feet got sore, and when he finally sat on his bed he broke down.

The tears came quick and overflowing. He muffled his noises with his hands. If someone were to walk by, they couldn’t see him like this. He shouldn’t be crying, why can’t he just man up and stop being so weak?

Someone like him doesn’t deserve to be a paladin.

Lance woke up to the ringing of the alarm.

He sat up with a start, cursing himself for falling asleep. Thankfully, it was just the daily alarm and not the one signifying an attack. He trudged over to the bathroom and attempted to fix himself up as best as he could. In the end, it looked half-hearted, but at least his eyes weren’t puffy and red.

He made his way to the dining room and tried to ignore the two seats missing a paladin.

Allura, Shiro, and Coran were already seated and eating. Keith was missing, but Lance could bet he was slashing away at one of the gladiators in the training room. He grabbed a plate and a small bit of goo and sat in his usual seat.

He couldn’t help but notice the lack of people around him and took a shaky inhale. Not now, idiota. Be a little baby later.

Shiro and Coran smiled at him, and he did his best to return a smile that didn’t look too forced. Allura nodded as she continued eating, occasionally petting one of the mice surrounding her. He poked the food goo; he didn’t feel so hungry anymore.

“Everything okay, Lance?” Shiro asked, interrupting the silence. “You missed dinner last night, and you look a little pale right now.” Lance winced internally. Bless Shiro’s kind soul, but he didn’t deserve any kindness right now. Honestly, he didn’t know why they weren’t tearing into him for ruining everything the day before.

“Nah, I’m good Shiro,” he said, putting a little energy into his words. “I was just super tired last night and fell asleep without realizing it.” Shiro chuckled, and Lance was relieved that he seemed to buy it. “Alright. Today’s a free day, so you can do whatever once you’re done eating.” Lance nodded and took a small bite of his breakfast. “Oh, and Hunk and Pidge are scheduled to get out around tomorrow morning.” And with that, Lance got reminded of how stupid he had been.

“T-thanks Shiro, I’ll… I’ll keep that in mind,” he choked out.

I’m such a fucking failure.

Lance stood abruptly and threw the remainders of his food away. “I’m gonna go and… rest or something,” he mumbled. Shiro gave him an odd look at his twist in behaviour but nodded nonetheless.

He left with shaky hands and a horrible feeling in his stomach.

Lance didn’t leave his room until dinner. He was stuck in between facing his fears and checking on Pidge and Hunk or just staying in his room like a coward.

Obviously, the second option won.

Coran knocked on his door a few hours prior to remind Lance of lunch, but he feigned sleeping to avoid talking. And maybe to avoid eating, too. He wasn’t really feeling an appetite today.

But he had to leave eventually as thirst clawed at his throat. His feet padded lightly against the floor as he walked to the dining room. Everyone was there (minus two—shut up), and he hummed a half-hearted greeting as he grabbed a cup of water and sat.

“Is that all you’re eating?” Keith asked him, and Lance bristled at the question.

“I’m not really hungry, mullet,” he replied, his tone sounding sharper than he intended.

“Alright, alright,” Keith said, rolling his eyes. “It was just a question, no need to get so defensive.”

“I wasn’t defensive! I literally just answered the question!” Lance shot back.

Shiro sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Okay, enough you two. There’s no need to fight over everything.”

Lance grumbled and sank into his seat. Stupid Keith. He sipped at his water, glaring at the designs on the table.

Stupid Keith? More like stupid you. He furrowed his eyebrows at the voice that had been berating him for almost two days. He really didn’t do anything, it was just you who took it too far. Can’t do anything right.

A shaky breath left Lance’s lips. It was honestly true, he couldn’t do anything right. How they’ve managed to not replace him yet is a wonder. It’s not like he contributes anything to Voltron, other than a good way to get his friends hurt.

Would they really be my friends after what I did?

Unwanted tears filled his eyes at the thought. It was all his fault, he wouldn’t blame them if they hated him after they got out of the pods. Dios, he’s so weak.

“Lance?” The sound of his name shook him out of his thoughts. He turned to see Shiro looking at him with worry in his eyes. “I called your name a few times, but you kind of zoned out there. Are you okay?”

That was the question that tore Lance apart.

He desperately tried to hold the tears in, but he knew once he opened his mouth to respond everything would come flooding out. So, like the coward he was, did the next best thing that came to his mind.

He jumped out of his seat and ran.

In hindsight, fleeing to his room might have made Lance a little too easy to find.

He slammed the door with a little more force than he intended and quickly locked it. He knew someone would come looking, but he didn’t want them to see him like the failure that he was.

His throat tightened and a sob bubbled out of his mouth. He sat on the edge of his bed, fiercely wiping at his eyes to stop the tears. Stop crying, stop crying, you don’t need to cry you big baby-

A knock on his door made him jump. He heard a muffled voice say, “Lance?”

He sighed. It was Shiro.

“Lance, can I come in?”

Quickly he shot out of his bed and ran to the mirror in his bathroom. “Y-yeah, hang on a second!” He called, washing away the signs that he was crying. His face was still a little blotchy, but he hoped that the dim lighting in the room would conceal it.

Lance made his way over to the door, took a deep breath, and opened it with his signature grin on his face. “Hey, bossman!” He greeted. “Why’d you come to see little ol’ me?”

Shiro smiled lightly. “Can I come in?”

Lance gulped but nodded, moving aside and closing the door once Shiro was in. Shiro stood in the middle of the room, looking a bit awkward until he cleared his throat and turned to Lance. “I wanted to talk to you about something,” he started.

Here it comes. He’s finally gonna yell at you for messing everything up.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” is what came out of Shiro’s mouth instead.

Lance froze.

“It’s not your fault,” Shiro repeated, more firmly this time. “Pidge and Hunk. It wasn’t your fault.”

He’s wrong. Lance laughed it off. “Yeah, I know, Shiro.”

“No, you don’t,” he said, moving closer. “It’s not your fault.”

Stop it. “I-I know, Shiro,” he replied, his fingernails digging into his palms as he gave a shaky smile.

“Look at me, Lance.” He raised glistening eyes to Shiro’s. “It’s not your fault.”

“I-“ Lance shook his head. “Don’t screw around with me, Shiro.”

Shiro stepped closer, and Lance flinched as his hand rested on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”

“No!” Lance exclaimed, pushing Shiro away. “Stop fucking with me! Please, not you,” he said, his voice hoarse and on the verge of tears.

Still, Shiro persisted. “Listen to me, Lance. It wasn’t your fault, kiddo,” his voice soft. “It’s not your fault.”

Lance let out a sob and covered his face with his hands. Shiro was there in a flash, pressing him against his chest in a tight hug. Lance cried harder and wrapped his arms around Shiro’s neck, loud sobs escaping his mouth.

“It’s alright, Lance. You’re alright.” Shiro comforted him, rubbing circles into his back as Lance bawled into his shoulder.

“I’m s-sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-“ Lance’s rambling was cut off by Shiro running a hand over his chocolate hair.

“I know, Lance. It’s gonna be okay.”

After a couple minutes Lance seemed to calm down, so Shiro pulled away so he could speak to him face to face. “Get some rest. Pidge and Hunk will be excited to see you tomorrow when they get out.”

He nodded silently, sniffling every few moments. Shiro gave him a smile and ruffled his hair. “Keep your head up, kiddo. Nobody blames you, especially Pidge and Hunk.” Lance looked up to him with a wobbly smile, but bright eyes.

“Thank you, Shiro,” he said softly.

“Anytime, bud,” Shiro replied. “Next time, come talk to me about things. You don’t have to go through things alone.”

The blue paladin nodded as his leader left the room.

It’ll be alright.

hey guys, i made a new account bc of weird personal reasons, but i kept the name so it would still be me if you look me up :) hoped you liked this little fic, i took inspo from the movie good will hunting bc i love that movie so much lmao

#langst #lance mcclain #vld lance #voltron #voltron legendary defender #lance centric #vld shiro #takashi shirogane #keith kogane #vld keith #angst #vld angst

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