snoopy of the day

I feel like we need to stop Twitter callouts and go back to publishing them in the newspaper like gentlemen.

(source: The Frederick Hornet, September 27, 1803.)

love this egyptian figurine of a woman baking bread in the brooklyn museum. she looks exactly like me while i'm waiting for my food to be done in the microwave. truly an eternal experience

IT’S TIME 🍎🌞🔥🍏🔥

you think lord summerisle doodled himself ritually carving out howies heart in his day planner. YES. his day planner. where he meticulously mapped every step of the plot. it’s got the Morrison tartan as endpapers.

The best piece of advice I ever got was not meant as advice, but as an edict. If I was going to threaten people as a joke, it had to be so far out of proportion with what happened that it would be obvious I was joking. This changed how I expressed frustration with others. It then changed how I expressed frustration with myself.

Not “I’m going to hit you” but “I am going to buy a tuna sub from the gas station and hide it under the seat of your car”

Not “I’m going to kill myself” but “I am going to walk into the desert and let the scarabs take me”

The other side then happened. When I mess something up, instead of saying it’s bad and perpetuating negative thoughts, swing hard the other way.

Not “this art is terrible” but “this shall be framed and mounted on the wall in my museum exhibition as testament to the suffering I had to overcome”

Have been doing this since high school. It was my drama teacher who asked me to please stop scaring the actors. The other half of the edict was that I had to say it in a polite tone, and end it with either please or thank you.

Life changing. 10/10 Mr Muëller. Highly reccomend.

when I see something dated 2019 I think “oh that’s not too long ago” and then I remember that 2019 was not only five years ago but those five years have somehow contained several lifetimes

*angela lansbury voice* it’s only tuesday

its kind of 🔥 when snails are fast its like breaking so many notions

Could Gonzo the Great from The Muppets kill Macbeth?

Yes, Gonzo aka The Great Gonzo from The Muppets could kill Macbeth!

It is a recurring gag that Gonzo is a "whatever" in regards to both species and gender, and in one such bit, he walks past a men's restroom, a women's restroom, and then enters a restroom labelled "whatever." Since he deliberately passes up the men's restroom in this, I would say that this is enough evidence to conclude that Gonzo does not personally identify with the term "man" despite his use of he/him pronouns, meaning he applies for the Gender Clause!

The movie Muppets in Space also aims to give some backstory to Gonzo, establishing that he is of an alien race. However, from what I can tell, the movie never establishes how this race reproduces or identifies, so we can't determine how Gonzo applies for either birth-related Clause.

Thank you for your submission!

Joan of Arc, specifically historically accurate Joan of Arc if possible?

Yes, Joan of Arc (alternatively spelled Jeanne d'Arc or Jehanne Darc) from Real Life could kill Macbeth!

She applies for the Gender Clause.

Thank you for your submission!

being a fan of a friend's ocs is actually so humiliating....... like yes my favourite character rn is tragically doomed and a pillar of humanity who i think is relevant to the current world. you can find information about them on discord dot com and sometimes in late-night conversations with this guy i know. what the fuck

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .