I get the hesitancy to claim a label when you're not completely sure of it yourself. This is especially prevalent in the aro and ace communities because how do you prove a negative? Maybe you will meet someone in twenty years and feel that proverbial spark. But here's the truth: it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if it's a phase!! You are living in this body, in this moment, in this label right now. Who you are now matters just as much as who you might be.
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So, Iâve just recently seen a few videos on TikTok about people leaving their best friend of however many years because they started dating someone, and it just confuses the absolute hell out of me.
Like, a few women have posted about leaving their male friends because he got a girlfriend, and Iâm just sitting here like⌠you donât have to do that?
You shouldnât have to break years (or even a handful of months) of your friendship off because he got a girlfriend.
I mean, I did see a few comments talk about how itâs a âtrust thing,â or something like that, but like⌠a trust thing for who?
If itâs for the girlfriend, thatâs a red flag, is it not? Like, the idea that she canât accept that her boyfriend has female friends? The fact she doesnât trust him to not go behind her back? Or even try to form relationships with his friends and get to know them better?
If itâs for the guy, thatâs also a red flag. As said before he should be trustworthy and loyalâhis affection for his girlfriend shouldnât have to be called into question. The idea that there is even a sliver of possibility for that to happen is not grounds for a healthy relationship.
If itâs for the friend, again, red flag. The fact youâd go out of your way to pursue him if you didnât break off your friendship is extremely muffed up.
Men (and women in the reverse) should be allowed to have opposite gendered best friends without the concept of romance just hanging over their heads for their entire lives, or needless petty drama of the idea that âoh they could be dating!! >:(â when that thought has never crossed their minds.
Hell, even if they did used to date and broke it off, but still remained friends, that should be a sign that their breakup was healthy for both of them and that they wonât plan to get together again. They were both mature and realized that a romance wasnât something they wanted.
This entire concept just baffles me.
I mean, itâs videos like those that make me paranoid that Iâm the reason my guy friend hasnât gotten a girlfriend yet. Thereâs been so many points where Iâve just though that heâd be better off if I just stopped being his friend, that maybe itâd be easier for him if we never even met in the first place.
I just donât understand why men and women canât just be friends. There always has to be something, some underlying feeling that people just assume is there, when itâs really nothing at all.
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Artists, letâs talk about Instagram commission scammers
Thereâs been a huge rise in commission scammers recently, mostly on Instagram. A lot of new artists donât know what to look out for, so I figured this might help people.
How they begin
Usually the scammer will write to you asking about a commission. Something deceptively cute - mostly I encounter asks about pet portraits, with one or two photos sent. Theyâll probably try to sell you a sweet little story, like âItâs for my sonâs birthdayâ. They will insist that they love your artwork and style, even though they donât follow you or never liked a single piece of your art.
What to look out for:
Their profiles will either be private, empty, or filled with very generic stuff, dating at most a few years back.
Their language will be very simple, rushed or downright bad. They might use weird emojis that nobody ever uses. They will probably send impatient â??â when you donât answer immediately. Theyâre in a crunch - lots of people to scam, you know.Â
Theyâll give you absolutely no guidelines. No hints on style, contents aside from (usually) the pet and often a name written on the artwork, no theme. Anything you draw will be perfect. Full artistic freedom. In reality they donât really care for this part.
Theyâll offer you a ridiculous amount of money. Usually 100 or 300 USD. Theyâll often put in a phrase like âI am willing to compensate you financiallyâ and âI want the best you can drawâ, peppered with vague praise. It will most likely sound way too good to be true. Thatâs because it is.
Where the scam actually happens
If you agree, they will ask you for a payment method. Theyâll try to get to this part as soon as possible.Â
Usually, theyâll insist on PayPal. And not just any PayPal. Theyâll always insist on sending you a transfer immediately. None of that PayPal Invoice stuff (although some do have methods for that, too). Theyâll really, REALLY want to get your PayPal email address and name for the transfer - thatâs what theyâre after. If you insist on any other method, theyâll just circle back to the transfer âfor easiest methodâ. If you do provide them with the info, most likely youâll soon get a scam email. It most likely be a message with a link that will ultimately lead to bleeding you dry. Never, and I mean NEVER click on any emails or links you get from them. Itâs like with any other scam emails you can ever get.
A few things can happen here:
They overpay you and ask for the difference to be wired back. Usually it will go to a different account and youâll never see that money again.Â
Theyâll overpay you âfor shipping costsâ and ask you to forward the difference to their shipping company. Just like before, youâll never see that money again.
The actual owner of the account (yes, they most likely use stolen accounts to wire from) will realize thereâs been something sketchy going on and request a refund via official channels. Your account will be charged with fees and/or you get in trouble for fraudulent transactions.Â
You will transfer the money from your PayPal credit to your bank account and they will make a shitstorm when they want their money back, making your life a living hell. They will call you a scammer, a thief, make wild claims, wearing you down and forcing you into wiring money âbackâ - aka to their final destination account.Â
Never, EVER wire money to anyone. This is not how itâs supposed to go. Use PayPal Invoice for secure exchanges where the client needs to provide you with their email, not the other way around.
You can find more info on that method HERE.
What to do when you encounter a scammer:
Ask the right questions: inquire about the style, which artwork of yours they like, as much details as you can. They wonât supply you with any good answers.
Donât let the rush of the exchange, their praise and the promise of insanely good money to get to you. Thatâs how they operate, thatâs how they make you lose vigilance.Â
Donât engage them. As soon as you realize it might be a scam, block them. The sense of urgency they create with their rushed exchange, and pressure they put on you will sooner or later get to you and you might do something that youâll regret later.
Never wire money to anyone. Never give out your personal data. Never provide your email, name, address or credit card info.Â
Donât be deceived by receiving a payment, if you somehow agree to go along with it. Just because itâs there now doesnât mean it canât be withdrawn.Â
Here is a very standard example of such an exchange. I realized itâs a scam pretty fast and went along with it, because I wanted good screenshots for you guys, so I tried going very âby the bookâ with it.Â
Please share this post, make it reach as many artists as possible. Let young or inexperienced artists know that this is going on. So many people have no idea that this is a thing. Letâs help each other out. If you think I missed any relevant info, do add it as an rb!
Also, if you know other scam methods that you think should be shared, consider rb-ing this post with them below. Having a master post of scam protection would AWESOME to have in the art community.
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