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nenkechigoroid · 3 years

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Hi, I'm Nenkechi Goroid, I review noodles now.

NAKED NOODLES: SINGAPORE CURRY

So let me start by saying that I won't be making a joke out of the name 'Naked Noodles', though I suppose in saying that I've in fact, by proxy, made the joke. It's things like this that further the idea that causality is in play, that the universe itself brought me and Naked Noodles together, which is weird because I'm Ace.

Right off the bat impressions weren't good, except my Mouth of Sauron, I can do him pretty well. The packaging for the Naked Noodles, believe it or not, not a pair of boxer shorts, but a bland cup (mainly black with accents of contrasting neon green), lacks luster, and I already didn't particularly lust after Naked Noodles to begin with.

I believe its going for a more health focused crowd, its completely vegetarian and boasts stuff like low calories and a small fat content, however in the last week I've consumed st least 14 mince pies so this was more a deterrent than anything.

Nevertheless, I pressed on. Preparation was, as should be, simple, and it actually includes three different fill lines, the lowest for a richer consistency, the higher for a more watery consistency and the middle being the 'reccomended' consistency, so, for the purpose of this review I played by their rules. While I quite like this gimmick, that's what it amounts to, a gimmick, and having had one Naked Noodle before (it was my college days, everyone experimented) it tainted my initial tasting as what I was met with was a cup of boiling, vaguely spicy water.

I had quite high hopes, as the smells of various spices permeated my bedroom, looking then at the rich consistency, the true to form curry-like complexion, I thought my expectations were to be turned around on me.

Nope, I'm always right and always will be.

It's taste was reminiscent of the purgatorial infinitude of the void, bland, seasoned by what I can only assume was the shitty plastic cup as it broke down, crumbling under the weight of my disapproving sighs and its own failure. And I won't you to know I took this review dead seriously, I got dressed up despite it being 10PM, I dimmed the lights and put my headphones on to listen to Ideal and Real from the P5R soundtrack, I tried.

Going back to the packaging, there's been a raging debate going on in my head and it all amounts to this: some dolphins are gonna have to die if we're to achieve further strides in the field of cup noodles, this plastic ass of a cup may be recyclable but so is the ceaseless and ever-perpetuated cycle of rage I go through eating from one of them. In fact I may be speaking complete hogwash and the cup may not even be recyclable, honeslty I just want to see those bottlenosed fucks gone from the sea, they fuel my thalassophobia more than any other mammal. You know I have such bad thalassophobia sometimes it came to the point where I was up one night watching an Ocean documentary and had to check under my bed for dolphins? Shuffling about the coats on the back of my door to remove the dolphin like apparition it conjured.

Overall, I can see why health nuts would eat it, it probably made me sweat off what few pounds I have left on me, and lemme tell you, the British economy as it is I can't afford to do that, so it doesn't get my reccomendation.

I don't like to arbitrarily rate reviews with a number, so instead I give it a ~/™.

Take it away Nenkechi, who I think is also me, but also my nendoroid of Goro Akechi.

#noodles #review #food review #existential dread #akechi goro #nendoroid #cup noodles #food #persona 5 #Ace #asexual #hobbies #thalassophobia #Thalassaphobe

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