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nectardaddy · 34 minutes
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getting on my soapbox for this one-
I'm a pretty avid reader. I read everything from sci-fi to dark romance (and fanfiction like come on I'm on tumblr). that being said- don't jump down an author's throat about how they can't write when you just don't like the book/piece.
I see this shit ALL the time, and at the ripe age of 23 I though this was common sense. of course have your own opinions (like duh?) but completely dogging an author, saying they suck/can't write, because of your own opinions on their writing is dumb as hell. if you don't like the book/piece PUT IT DOWN. say your peace about what you didn't like all you want, I do it all the time, but don't drag someone because you don't like it.
there are times to drag someone, but their mode of writing isn't one of them.
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nectardaddy · 1 hour
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like???
it's so yuuta coded I don't care
Sloane: *mouthing across the table at Rowan while pointing at the serial k!ller's servant* LO-BO-TO-MY!
Rowan: *drunk, delusional, helplessly in love, golden retriever idiot mouthing back* You love me?!
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nectardaddy · 2 hours
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I just finished reading butcher and blackbird (highly recommend - look at tws though) and I'm itching to write something for yuuta inspired by it
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nectardaddy · 18 hours
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not only do I have 1 angsty inumaki draft
I just thought of ANOTHER
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nectardaddy · 21 hours
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born sick - choso kamo
cw/notes: religious themes!!, slightly (if you squint) suggestive, loosely based upon Take Me To Church by Hozier, kinda short
He would never see heaven, or such a place adjacent, as his putrid being was far too wicked and sinful. But just a slice was more than enough, a piece you so willingly gave without so much a second thought.
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You make him weak.
An unequivocally weakness he couldn't bear witness to, nor even strike a match to. A weakness he hunkered down deep inside his withered, filthy soul, as if to keep it safe. Locking it away inside himself to contain it even from he, a safe haven from all those who are rotten and depraved.
He didn't deserve such a beautiful display of care; soft caresses, gentle words, or sweet smiles. A damned man, or half of a man if one was particular, shouldn't meet such a glorious fate. A fate in which yours aligned, a fate in which made him weak. It was a fate that made his, all too human, heart wrench and cower. Often losing his breath if he thought about it more than a moment.
He was damned. A striken fool if he thought, even briefly, his soul could be cleansed enough, loved enough, polished and cared for enough to simply be enough. A wretched being, as he didn't deserve such unbridled adoration. Adoration that oozed and festered, reshaping his withered stature completely. He deserved damnation, while you gave him salvation. He would never see heaven, or such a place adjacent, as his putrid being was far too wicked and sinful. But just a slice was more than enough, a piece you so willingly gave without so much a second thought - a piece that made him weak.
You were so weak.
Like porcelain and glass, crushing you within his very hand if he so wished. Delicate touches never being enough, his filthy mind wanting nothing more than to snap and break you. But you were so pure, so weak - so devoted. A devotion that was nonsensical, it made him reel and dizzy. Hopeless devotion that made his heart strings pull and snap; wanting nothing more than to be your protector, your divine love, your god. Weakness that made him yearn and gush, making him all the more susceptible and weak in the process.
It was a weakness he loathed.
How could someone so kind, so orderly, so human, make his wretched heart warm? A warmth that radiated and made him nauseous, a prickly feeling starting from his stomach and reaching his throat. It burned - singed his very conscience. Scorching his very skin, as if the flames of eternal damnation hadn't torched him further. He hated it at first, loathed the feeling entirely as it was so foreign, so contemporary, so sickly human.
But it was a weakness he leaned into.
Selfishly indulging himself with every touch, every gaze, every whimper and gasp of breath. Driving himself mad, or perhaps further into delirium, from you and you alone. Was this what salvation was? No. It was deliverance. A glimmer or hope in such a barren, desolate universe.
There was no hope for redemption when you were his only folly.
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nectardaddy · 22 hours
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god DAMN
geto and gojo are the embodiment of hozier's work song
like ahhhhhh
when my time comes around lay me gently in the cold dark earth no grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her
I'm sobbing
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nectardaddy · 24 hours
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already overthinking lmao but
some thoughts
it's hard to write fluff for him (if I'm staying within canon) because he would genuinely, if he had no other choice, let you die.
he's seen so so many people in his life die already. does he want that? obviously not. but if it was for the greater good, and he couldn't help it, you would die in the process. would he feel something? absolutely. but he already has so many people in his life gone, and so so so many regrets, he's really not out here trying to safe very specific people in his life.
and that's GUT WRENCHING to think about
Babe are u going to write something for levi? Love your work
thank you!!! and hmm maybe? I'm no good at fluff with him (ugh my drafts have maybe 2 and I think they're trash) so it'd have to be angst with him. he was always a hard character to write, for me personally.
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nectardaddy · 24 hours
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Babe are u going to write something for levi? Love your work
thank you!!! and hmm maybe? I'm no good at fluff with him (ugh my drafts have maybe 2 and I think they're trash) so it'd have to be angst with him. he was always a hard character to write, for me personally.
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nectardaddy · 1 day
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@aneid / sydney smith / unknown / @bakwaaas / @nutnoce / @dearestvita
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nectardaddy · 1 day
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this is so beautifully written I'm in awe truly
yuuta is captured perfectly
you don't know what i deserve .·:*¨ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ¨*:·.
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ft. okkotsu yuuta
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it’s 1 a.m. on the fifteenth of February and there’s a corpse on your kitchen floor. still fresh: odorless and warm to the touch. you're on your own—just you and the dead body.
info : ̗̀➛ tags: gn!reader, neighbor au, strangers to lovers, yuuta & reader are a little strange, happy ending // cw: death, light angst, vulgar language, canon-typical violence...but pretty mild imo
thoughts : ̗̀➛ helllooo. back on my bullshit. let's call this a very belated birthday present to my beloved <3 // read this on ao3
wc : ̗̀➛ 5.1k
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The human body contains a shit ton of blood. 
Which is not something you think about often, but now you are forced to confront this fact in real-time. People… have a lot of blood.
And it stains. No matter how many times you wash your hands. There are still flakes of blood wedged underneath your fingernails. Part of you thinks it'll never go away.
...And then there's Sailor Moon.
“I am the pretty guardian who fights for love and justice! I am Sailor Moon! And now, in the name of the moon, I’ll punish you!”  
Cue trumpets and flashy poses; the makings of a battle. Your comfort anime blares in the background of a morbid scene, the flickering TV casting a soft glow on a sight that will inevitably haunt your nightmares. 
Because it's 1 a.m. on the fifteenth of February and there’s a corpse on your kitchen floor. Still fresh: odorless and warm to the touch. You pace in your tiny living room, unsure of what to do, of how to proceed. The pretty Sailor Guardians won’t save you now. You’re on your own. Just you and the dead body.
How romantic.
The chill from outside has swept into your apartment thanks to that annoying fucking prick who left your window open. Honestly, people these days have no decency. The least he could’ve done was close your shutters after tumbling through your bedroom window like a deranged acrobat. Now you’re, like, moderately cold. 
“What a fucking mess,” you sigh.
Blood seeps into the earthy Persian rug that you got for half-price at a flea market a few months ago. It’s dark; puddling, like... like a knocked-over glass of chocolate milk, spilled all over the kitchen table. Or, maybe chocolate syrup would be more apt. It doesn’t matter, though. You can always get a new rug. You know, if you make it out of this situation of yours intact and not in a dingy prison cell for homicide.
Hmm. You might be sorta kinda screwed. 
The police, of course, are out of the question. No matter your side of the story, it wouldn’t hold up in trial. No, no, no. A foreigner murdering a Japanese citizen? Even if it was in self-defense, it wouldn’t matter. Forget prison—you’ll probably be hanged.
So, you could run… But you probably wouldn’t get far. Or, you could do what every naive murderer in the movie about karmic retribution does and try your darnedest to get away with it.
“Option two it is!” you quit pacing and announce to the room. Thankfully, the body doesn’t respond.
A weak knock at the door sounds off—a gunshot. Your heart stalls, your head snapping to the entrance of the apartment. Who the hell is at your door? The person at the door knocks a second time, a little bit more insistently, and you start to sweat. “Hello, is everything alright? I—I heard a scream.”
You step up to the peephole and squint. A mild-looking man shuffles his feet outside your door. It’s your next-door neighbor, bathed in the ugly yellow lighting of your apartment complex. He smiles like he knows that you can see him. 
This… isn’t ideal. You could choose to not answer him, but that probably wouldn’t work. What if he called the police? You take a breath. “Everything’s fine,” you call out.
The man’s smile freezes in place, somehow more eerie than a frown; his hands burrow deeper into his pockets. “Oh!” he says. “Are… Are you sure?”
You turn away from the peephole, a little unnerved. “Yeah, why?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to intrude, but I heard a lot more than a single scream.”
A slow, dreadful feeling starts to seep into your gut. “Pardon?” 
There’s a pause. You swallow.
“These walls are thin.” 
Fuck. He knows. Oh God, he knows. 
No—that’s impossible. You were the only one to scream. Yasuhiro… He didn’t get the chance to. So this is just a concerned neighbor checking in on you. Nothing more, nothing less. You can prove it, prove that you’re okay.
You open the door a smidge so that you can peek through, then step outside and shut the door behind you. Your neighbor, what’s his name again? Okkotsu, right? Okkotsu’s brows lift at the sight of you, then relax. He’s wearing a plain white tee and a pair of grey sweats that should probably be criminal in Japan. His eyes flicker up and down your frame. You suppress a shiver.
“Just a horror movie,” you broach, offering him a polite smile. “I’m an easy fright.”
Okkotsu pulls a hand out of his pocket to awkwardly rub the back of his neck. His gentle smile has dimmed. “I’m not sure I believe you,” he says in an apologetic tone.
You both notice the tremor that runs through your body. Nosy fucking neighbors and their lack of sense when it comes to minding their own business. You stare mulishly at the floor. His shoes are simple. Black; scuffed. His left foot taps once against the floor. Whatever. You don't have to answer to him. Gathering up your resolve, you start to speak. “Listen, Okkotsu-san,” you say but are cut off quickly.
“Is that blood?” 
That makes you freeze, eyes glued to the floor. A cold set of fingers dips under your chin and gently lifts it. Your gaze meets his: two pools of an endless, starless night. It flickers to a spot beside your ear knowingly and you reach for it. 
He’s right. Blood sticks to your fingers, not yet dry. Lurking in the crevice behind your ear. You missed a spot.
“Well spotted.” It’s fruitless to lie now. You know it, he knows it. Now it’s a matter of who’ll crack first. 
“Are you… Are you injured?”
Physically? No. Psychiatrically? Well, you just murdered a man, so.
“I’m unharmed.” 
Okkotsu blinks owlishly. “Is that so?” He murmurs curiously, tilting your head to the side to observe the blood staining your skin. 
You readjust your head and mimic him, blinking slowly. “Okkotsu—”
“Yuuta,” he interrupts. 
You blink again. For such a mild, polite-seeming boy, he really is quite rude. And confusing. And terrifying. And you kinda sort of want him to die. “Okkotsu-san” you repeat. “I think it’s best if you leave.”
Okkotsu Yuuta’s smile returns, and it’s dangerously innocuous. He breathes your name out like a question. Starless eyes wander to your front door, then go back to studying your own. “Can I come inside?” he asks, quietly. 
Everything stills, even your heart. You’re not quite certain you’re alive, when you ask, dubiously, “The apartment?” 
Okkotsu just smiles.
You let Okkotsu come inside.
Which is absolutely fucking insane, but you have a feeling that your neighbor’s worse off than you are, and that’s truly saying something. 
You hear him lock the door behind you before you start. Silently, you lead him past your living room, past Tsukino Usagi flying down the sidewalk on the way to school—the start of another episode, then—past your browning house plant hanging from the ceiling, into your quaint kitchen. 
It’s nothing special. A small green stove with two bunsen burners on top. A sink; limited counter space. A couple of peeling cabinets. Tied in together with a white backsplash, shifting colors with each flicker of the TV. To the side, a small table sits, with two mismatched chairs tucked into it. 
Oh, and there’s the dead body, too. Practically dribbling blood, painting your discounted rug muddy red and the surrounding blue tile purple. 
Okkotsu lets out a soft sigh. “What a mess.”
You consider him from the corner of your eye. “That’s what I said,” you frown.
He shrugs, still looking at poor, dead, Yasuhiro. “Well, it’s true, isn’t it?” 
Yeaaaah. It’s true.  
A giggle escapes you, the reality of the situation finally hitting you. “Fuck,” you whisper in between the giggles. “I’m fucked.” It’s true. Utterly and thoroughly—no condom used. 
“Not yet,” you barely hear him say over the fracturing of your composure. This is impossible. You killed a man tonight, then showed a stranger the corpse. You’re an idiot. You’re a freak. You can’t hide a dead body. You really might as well bend over and get it over with. Fuck.
Hands gripping your knees, you struggle to catch your breath. When did you lose it? Ah, who cares? Dead. You’re dead. The noose is looped around your hollowed throat, tightening by the second. Perhaps there’ll be two corpses on your kitchen floor by the time the sun is up. Perhaps you should’ve just let him kill—
“Breathe with me,” Okkotsu mutters, right in front of you, long hands gingerly clutching your shoulders. Which is strange. You had no idea he got so close. His thumbs swipe up and down, around and around, and you are flummoxed. But Okkotsu is patient, his chest compressing and expanding with each measured breath, and you are compelled to follow him. Slowly, you come down from your panicked high. You let out a shaky breath, eyes sliding back to the imposing guest in your apartment. The other imposing guest in your apartment.
The body in front of you lays eerily still, impervious to your mini breakdown. It’s not purple, or rotting, or excreting out the last remaining fluids left in its underwhelming husk. It’s just—laying there. Laying, not lying, because it is no longer a breathing thing that rests; now an object to be placed. Dehumanized, in every way. Then again, what is dehumanization if not just another word for murder? What is murder, if not just the taking away of a person’s autonomy? Dead bodies can’t rest. It will never lie again. 
The dead body lays.
And you wonder for how much longer you’ll keep your own autonomy.
When do the dead start to attract flies? Realistically, you know it can range from a day to a few days for a decomposing body to become…obscene, depending on the environmental conditions. It hasn’t even been a few hours. You doubt flies will start buzzing around any time soon. If you move to crouch down and touch it, it’ll probably still be warm.  
The swipe of a thumb over your shoulder brings your awareness back to your neighbor. 
“Why are you helping me?” You ask, wiping the tears that have beaded up in the corners of your eyes. Your breathing is steadier now, but you’re still trembling. That damn window is still open. 
The hands on your shoulders release, and you look up to gauge his thoughts. He’s frowning. His eyes cloud, then sharpen: lightning against a black sky. “You need to get rid of the body, don’t you?” It’s a rhetorical question, but you nod anyway. 
“Then we’ll figure it out. Don’t worry. I bet we’ll be done before dawn.”
He makes to walk away but you stay rooted to your spot, trying to figure out why this strange, strange neighbor of yours who makes friends with stray cats and tends to the apartment garden is willing to become an accomplice of murder for you. 
“Okkotsu, are… Are you in love with me or something?” 
Your neighbor stops, then snorts, and it sends a shiver down your spine. He turns back to face you. A soft pout lies on his lips as he skillfully evades your question with a request of his own. “Hey, if you’re gonna ask me something like that, why don’t you use my name next time?”  
You don’t ask again.
You have far bigger problems than interrogating Okkotsu Yuuta, so you push it aside and stalk toward the body. Okkotsu joins you, and the two of you peer at the deceased man before you. It’s… Still. The blood has stopped its puddling; a thin line stretches the column of its throat. His throat was slit neatly, gracefully, like an act of love. It wasn’t one, but, maybe you gave Yasuhiro what he wanted, in a terrible, twisted way. How magnanimous of you. 
Yasuhiro wasn’t an attractive man. Limp brown hair framing a slightly uglier-than-average face. At least he had the decency to close his eyes before his last, dying breath. They were blood-shot and wiry, the last time you saw them open. Bouncing haphazardly in its sockets like they couldn’t discern which corner of the room you stood in.  
Okkotsu perks up at the sound of your harrumph. “What?” he questions you, and you slide your eyes over to him. Okkotsu Yuuta is distinctly pale, a trait that you’ve always noticed and have always sort of admired on him. It suits the subdued, yet haunted look he’s got going on. Black lashes feather the whites of his eyes, as well as the endless void of his irises. Yeah, he’s almost doll-like, in that gentle, haunting way of his. 
“You’re creepier than the corpse,” you tell him instead and turn away, just barely hiding your smile. The laugh that rings out from him sounds like nails grating on a chalkboard. 
Just kidding. It actually sounds kind of sweet.
Okkotsu follows you to the bathroom, where you’ve grabbed pretty much all of your cleaning supplies. You stuff them in a bucket and he hauls it out of your arms, the two of you shuffling back to the kitchen. 
“So how should we go about this?” You muse, staring at the body. The movies you’ve seen are the only reference you have for the disposal of dead bodies, but those usually end with the killer getting caught, so you’re not so sure about mimicking their methods. 
“I’m not sure,” Okkotsu says, tilting his head in thought. “Severing his limbs without the proper tools would be difficult. I guess we could carry him and bury him somewhere unassuming—unless you have a car that we could use?” A quick glance at you confirms that you don’t. He rubs his chin, nodding to himself. “Right. A garden cart will do, then. We should check to see if he has any identifiers on him, first, though. Oh, and we can’t forget about the teeth. Do you have any pliers?” He turns to you casually, eyes widening at the sight of your awe. 
Thin black brows furrow in confusion. “What?” He asks.
You blink. “Have you…ever…?” Your voice dies in your throat.
Thankfully, he gets it. “Oh. No! No, I’ve never murdered a person,” he denies, dipping his head and tugging the neckline of his plain white tee. A curious look crosses his face. “But I could,” he tacks on cautiously.
You hug your arms and give a half-assed shrug. You can almost feel the weight of a kitchen knife in your dominant hand; the quick, fluid motion of ending a life. 
“Anyone could,” you acquiesce, dismissing the conversation. Okkotsu hums mournfully in return. 
According to his ID, Yasuhiro Souta is a twenty-seven-year-old male who lives in Chiba. What he was doing tumbling through your window in the middle of the night is anyone’s guess. Well, he did tell you, sort of shakily before he made to lunge at you, that you were supposedly his Valentine for the night. How sweet!
Snip. You met him for the first time a little over two months ago. He dropped his wallet on the train, so you picked it up and handed it to him in a silly attempt to be a decent person. It resulted in the man refusing to let go of your hand for a solid five minutes. Yes, yes, what an adorable meet-cute! Snip. When you managed to pry your clammy hands out of his vice-like grip, it was your stop, and, oh, how fortuitous, it was Yasuhiro’s as well! He followed you off the train into a random coffee shop, and it was only when you got the help of the employees that he backed off, the doorbell chiming as the glass door swung behind his back. Snip.
You thought that was the end of it, and proceeded about your day, running errands for a few hours until you retreated home. It shook you up for a little, yes, but it was nothing too crazy. You doubted you’d ever see him again. 
Snip.
You slice Yasuhiro’s ID with your scissors until it’s a pile of ashes. 
Okkotsu’s on his knees, holding a pair of pliers to the light. Wedged between the metal lies a crooked tooth. He hums to himself, plopping the tooth in a ziplock bag. He wears a pair of green garden gloves he grabbed from his apartment; you’re wearing a matching set. The rubber’s a little too big for you, but you’re making it work.
It's as Okkotsu calmly adjusts the head in his lap, preparing to yank another tooth that you stare at your strange partner, wondering how in the hell you got yourself into this situation. It’s been happening every so often: your acceptance of reality swinging in the opposite direction like the pendulum on a grandfather clock. 
You shouldn’t have killed him.
You don’t care for Yasuhiro Souta’s life. You don’t care for the man who intended to assault you. But there’s not a chance in hell that this won’t get traced back to you. 
You're fucked.
Why did it have to be like this? Why do bad things happen to good people?
That’s the way the cookie crumbles, darling.
And you crumble—crumbled—are crumbling when you turn to your neighbor. “Okkotsu-san,” you say, picking at your dirty nails.
“Yuuta,” the man insists. What a freak. He's a freak, and he's good, and you don't deserve it.
You take a deep breath, mulling over your doomed fate. It doesn’t have to be his, too. “You should get out of here. While you still can.”
There's an awkward pause. The strange man pulls out another tooth and plops it in the baggy. “There,” he says warmly, then draws to his full height. “Do you have a coffee maker?” You ball your fists around the plastic handle in your hands. Calm, calm, stay calm. “Did you hear what I just said?” You ask. 
“Oh, I did,” Okkotsu hums. “I chose to ignore it.”
Your hands begin to shake as you repeat his words. “Ch—Chose to—” 
Okkotsu says your name pityingly. “I thought we already had this conversation," he questions with pinched brows. “Why are we—”
“We?!” You interrupt, incensed. We. It's as if the curtains have been drawn open, allowing the rays of the illuminating, scorching sun to trickle through. It blinds you, and you have the urge to pull your eyes out and shove them down his throat. “You thought we? Who are you? You don’t know a damn thing about me!”
“I think I know a few things about you,” Okkotsu smiles sweetly, gesturing to the dead body in your apartment.
“Do you, now?” You laugh and toss your hands up to the ceiling. “Great! I have an idea!" You glare, the metal edge of your scissors catching the light. "If you know what I’m capable of, then you should get the hell out." 
A pause. You pant, more worked up than have been all night and it's fucking ridiculous and you hate it. You want to choke—you want him to choke. On your blood-soaked fingers, preferably. He'd probably lick them clean. 
Unaware of your depraved thoughts, Okkotsu’s lips pull into a frown. He sighs, running a ghostly hand through his hair.
“I’m not scared of you,” he tells you, quietly.
You hold your breath. “Maybe you should be.”
Your insufferable neighbor takes a step forward, that stupid frown still on his stupid doll face. “What’s your plan?” He prompts. “Do you intend to confess? To go to prison?” You shake your head slowly and he softens. “You don’t deserve that,” he says, like he really means it.
Why did you let this man into your house? Why is he offering you hope? It’s too much. The scissors slide out of all your fingers save for one; your limbs sag with a weariness that’s settled deep in your bones. 
“You don’t know what I deserve.”
Okkotsu stops and considers you. Your chest heaves, your heart pounds, and you want out. You want out, and he can get out, and you don’t know… You don’t know why…
“If you want me to judge you, I won’t,” says Okkotsu. 
You shake your head at his dismissal, your eyes squeezed shut. “I can’t judge you,” he continues, and there goes his cold, calloused hand again, gingerly tilting your chin upwards. The pair of scissors in your clutches drops fruitlessly to the floor. When you look up, there’s something like pleading in his endless, starless eyes. “Trust me,” he begs. 
You shouldn’t. You know it with every fiber of your being that you should not trust Okkotsu Yuuta. The man who blinks like an owl and stares at you like you’re a mouse he can’t wait to swallow whole. Who blushes pink whenever you hold the elevator door for him. Who has cold fingers that cradle you so gingerly—who touches you like he knows you—who doesn’t cringe at the sight of dead bodies but gives a damn about a bit of blood staining the outside of your ear. 
You shouldn’t. Trust him. But you—you feel as if he’s reached inside your chest and plucked out your pulsing, blackened heart. 
“Do you love me?” You ask Okkotsu Yuuta again, heart throbbing in his hand.
His eyes don’t stray from yours. “Ask me again with my name,” he says quietly. 
…You don’t know if you want to. 
Releasing a breath, you push past him, snatch the ziplock bag from the floor, and stride towards the stove. “I’ll make coffee,” you say, already fiddling with the grinder.
Okkotsu lets you depart with a sigh.
“So what do you like to do when you’re not helping random people bury bodies?” You ask Okkotsu a couple of hours later. You stumble over a root in the dark, and Okkotsu’s quick to grab you by the waist and steady you. You continue, a bag full of your keys, water, pepper spray, freshly-bleached gloves, a burner phone that Okkotsu already had, for some reason, and two sets of clean clothes swinging against your back. You fidget with the shovel in your hands mindlessly, trying to get it to spin. A garden cart with a tarp draped over it creaks along the grass floor. The two of you have walked for who knows how long, but, according to him, you’re getting close. 
The man beside you hums, surprisingly chipper for the nefarious activities afoot. “When I’m not busy, I like to garden and crochet. I also like making food for my friends from time to time,” he says in a simple, humble manner. The last part doesn’t surprise you. He’s brought you helpings of food on the most random occasions, showing up at your doorstep with self-proclaimed “leftovers” and shoving full plates into your arms with a velvety smile. That does beg the question, though…
“Have you considered us friends this whole time?” You squint at him in the dark, only the moonlight carving out the contours of his subtle, delicate features. You’re kind of surprised. You two made decent neighbors but only ever talked in short bursts outside your rooms. Your conversations rarely ever broke past polite mumblings about the weather.  
Okkotsu pouts. “You mean, we’re not friends yet?” He asks, before breaking into a twinkling laugh. 
“Shut up,” you bite, but you laugh too, lightly shoving at his arm. Okkotsu, bless him, pretends to stumble. It takes you a moment to suppress the heat burning the tips of your ears, but you do get it under control, eventually. “I meant… Before?”
His expression smoothens out before he gives a soft shake of his head. “No, not quite. But, I wanted us to be."  
It’s quiet for a moment, nothing but the rustling under your feet and the ever-present, cacophonous sounds of nature. You spot a nest of sleeping birds tucked in between the branches of a tree and smile.
“Well,” you try to keep your cool, eyes sweeping over the forest's shadows, “Better late than never.”
It strikes you halfway to the burial grounds that Yasuhiro didn’t bring his phone with him to your apartment in his depraved, intoxicated state. He crawled up a tree, through your cracked-open bedroom window—conveniently avoiding cameras. So, once you’re done with this, you very may well be free.
It’s a terrifying notion, freedom.
“What about you?” Okkotsu asks you, something like ten minutes later. “What do you like to do for fun? Besides watch Sailor Moon, I mean.”
You bite your lip to keep from grinning. “Well,” you wonder aloud. “This is pretty fun, wouldn’t you say?” 
Okkotsu lets out a little breath before he softly admits his agreement. 
It rained earlier today, you forgot. The ground crumbles like clay when you swing the shovel into the ground. You and Okkotsu take turns making a grave, taking water breaks in between. There is hope alive in you, you realize, as the two of you work in tandem.
Yasuhiro Souta is lowered into the ground with all the dignity a dead man could possess. He lays atop a tarp and your old Persian rug. A stream rushes somewhere nearby, bubbling like blood, and you pray that the body will make good fertilizer. When your hand shakes, Yuuta grabs it. 
You bury your clothes on the way back, a mile out. The sun peaks over the horizon.
When you return to your room with Yuuta in tow, your emotions overwhelm you: you are terrified and gleeful and sorry for all you’ve done. 
It is mournfully quiet as you mop the purple tiles blue, bleach burning your nostrils and freshly scrubbed gloves. Yuuta’s left to clean the garden cart in the gardens. He returns shortly, though, offers you a small smile, and helps you scrub every inch of your apartment. 
You scrub, and scrub. 
And scrub.
“You’re beautiful,” Yuuta says to you when you’re in the middle of wiping your brow. You’re sitting cross-legged on your rugless kitchen floor, where a dead body once lay. Sweat clings to your skin in uncomfortable places and you reek of bleach. “Shut the fuck up and scrub, Yuuta,” you command. 
Yuuta’s serene smile is unparalleled to anything you’ve ever seen before.
You could probably fall in love with him, you contemplate as you watch your neighbor make fluffy pancakes in the comforts of his own kitchen. If you haven’t fallen in love with him, already, that is. You doubt you’ll ever have a connection with someone as profound as the bond you share with the soft-spoken man who helped you bury a dead body. 
Love, you marvel, in the span of a few hours.
It’s disquieting. 
After multiple showers, and after Yuuta’s stuffed you with more pancakes than you can chew, the pair of you are lounging on his tatami mat, a much-needed change in scenery. You have like, three hours before you need to go to work, which, Yuuta agrees, is crucial to maintaining a veneer of normalcy. Which means this impromptu nightmare date will have to come to an end—as all good things do.
“I should probably get to bed,” you say after a lull in conversation.
Yuuta nods, reasonably. “That makes sense, yeah.” 
“Got work in the morning and all that,” you continue in a nonchalant tone.
“Make sure your window’s locked.”
Fine. “Walk me out, will you?” You request. Okkotsu Yuuta, ever the gentleman, agrees, even though the front door is only a handful of feet away. He pushes himself off his knees and stands at full height, though his starless eyes are, as always, trained on you. You would probably find Yuuta’s full attention a little unsettling if you had not just slit a man’s throat that night. 
You avoid his gaze all the same—stopping at his doorstep with your hands twisting at your sides. Yuuta stops beside you and waits patiently for you to string your words together. 
You clear your throat. “Hey, um—”
“Hi,” Yuuta interrupts, and you smile, filled with the courage to go on. 
“So, the thing is… Well, I probably wouldn’t have made it anywhere far without you. I acted quite amateur back there, you’d think this was my first dead body I was trying to hide, or something, ha. Um, so yeah, thank you—from the most sincere and vulnerable depths of my heart. I guess I’ll see you around? Okay, bye.”
A hand wraps around your wrist before you can run home with your tail tucked between your legs. Yuuta murmurs your name in a soft, dulcet tone, and you’re not certain you’re prepared to hear whatever he has to say. You turn to face him anyway, because, well, you owe him that much.
“Yes?” 
“Don’t you have something to ask me?” He chides.
The pit in your stomach swoops. “Not that I recall,” you lie with a straight face.
“Try again,” Yuuta smiles sweetly, like a haunted little doll.
“It’s been a long day, you know—” 
“Cold, I’m afraid.”
“My brain isn’t functioning at its peak—” 
“Hmm, getting colder!”
“I don’t think I can.”
A pause. You avert your gaze and allow yourself to get analyzed by Yuuta’s doleful, starless eyes. “Hey,” he calls your name, asks you to look at him. 
You look at him.  
“Good," he hums.
You roll your eyes, loop an arm around his long neck, and drag him to you. 
Okkotsu Yuuta tastes like the earth. From dust to dust, you are at the end and beginning when you capture his lips between yours. He responds quickly, hands digging firmly into your waist as he knocks you into his door frame, and you quickly learn what it means to be savored. You intended the kiss to be a quick, rash, thing, but he slows you down, melds into you languidly like you have all the time in the world. When he sucks on your bottom lip, you both moan, breaking apart for air. Yuuta slips his hands underneath your shirt, and for once, his cold hands burn, lighting the fire for something you’re not certain you’ll be able to finish. 
“Go ahead and ask me already, love,” Yuuta murmurs into your ear. And, well, fuck. You melt. “Yuuta,” you whisper as he nips at your neck. “You love me, yes?” 
At that, he bites down at the hollow of your neck. You gasp, then sigh when he instantly cools the wound with his tongue. “Obviously,” he replies, quite simply, thumb swiping delicately at your stomach. 
“Great,” you gasp, and Yuuta looks at you and beams. 
And, there goes your heart again, pulsing in his cold, calloused hands. Cradle it gently, Yuuta, won’t you?
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fin. if u made it this far, ily
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nectardaddy · 2 days
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made a fic based off these!! link here
messy! boyfriend jean kirstein headcanons
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this man is HERE for all the drama
if yall go to parties there is a 100% chance you're standing in the corner with him at some point talking shit
will ask each other how the other feels about a person before full on saying their peace
"you see Eren's post on snap earlier?" "I did." "how'd you feel about that?" "I dunno'- how did you feel about that?" "he looked a little-..." "glad I'm not the only one, because-" and he'll go on a whole rant about it
this man will deadass look people from head to toe and give you a side eye
he's so mean, but it's so funny at the same time
drama fiend
this man will see you furiously typing on your phone and BEG to know what's going on
if you don't like someone, neither does he
you'll be on a whole rant about someone and he just agrees and ad libs while you are
"yeah, fuck that bitch"
always gotta have a debrief in the car after a party or going out anywhere
especially if people neither of you liked were there
this man is so fucking messy
will literally tell anyone "I'm here to talk" because he's FIENDING for some tea
tells you IMMEDIATLY when he hears something juicy
doesn't matter when or where, he's picking up that damn phone and calling you
"babe- I'm literally at work." "nah, hold up, you HAVE to hear what I just heard from Connie."
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nectardaddy · 2 days
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Drama Fiend - Jean Kirstein
pairing: jean kirstein x reader, gender neutral, modern au, established relationship
synopsis: this man is messy and will do anything to stir the pot just for some tea, based on these headcanons I made a bit ago
notes: language, we don't hate Eren on this page but Jean is absolutely dogging him in this, silly fic I had in my mind for the longest time, kinda short
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"Bruh- who are you even talking to right now?" He asked with a huff, brown eyes narrowing as he watched you type away on your phone.
"Glad to know I've devolved to bruh," you quipped without looking up. Your fingers quickly texting out a reply with a small scowl on your features. "And why do you care?" You asked with a small chuckle, watching as the man tried to sneak a peak at the phone in your hand. Clicking it off, you heard him groan loudly.
"Ugh- rude," he spoke with a moan and nudged your side with his elbow. "You never let me know anything!"
Letting a laugh escape your lips, you saw him roll his eyes once more and sink into the couch. "Because you'll start shit," you chuckled. "And you don't know how to keep your mouth shut."
"I don't know how to keep my mouth shut?" He asked exasperatedly, sitting up from his position on the couch - ready to prove his point. "What about the time you told Connie I pissed myself when I was drunk? You didn't keep your mouth shut then!"
A howl of a laugh escaped your lungs at his remark, knowing he genuinely was trying to prove his point even further, but making himself look more like a fool. "Because that was hilarious!" You choked out through laughter, "I still can't believe you did that!"
Through your laughter, that he wholeheartedly tried to ignore, biting the side of his cheek with a huff to not reply back, his eyes caught your phone screen once more. The black screen lighting up as another message came through piqued his interest a bit too much, and he lunged quickly to grab it.
"Jean!" You yelled, but you were far too slow to react, and you watched as the man grabbed the device from next to you. "Oh god, here we go-" you grumbled, rolling your eyes as he unlocked your phone with a grin.
There was a moment of pause as you watched his eyes read over the messages, his eyes flashing up to you once he finally finished reading. "That greasy little fuck," he remarked, your phone still in hand, "why didn't you tell me Yeager texted you?"
"I was going to tell you after I had thoroughly bruised his ego," you quipped. "But you're so nosy I didn't even get the chance." You truly did have all intention in letting the man know his "acquaintance," as he called him, had messaged you. Eren had simply asked if you would like to accompany him to dinner, a generic request at best but one that lie in murky waters. Murky waters that Eren knew would piss Jean off.
"I'm replying," he laughed out as he quickly rose from the couch, a grin that superseded him. "I'm telling him you changed your mind, and you're going."
You rolled your eyes at the man's statement, if you could roll them any harder they would simply go to the back of your head. "Why?" You asked, but you had already known the answer before asking. Jean Kirstein lived and breathed for moments such as this.
"Because this shit is gonna' be hilarious, babe."
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nectardaddy · 2 days
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💙🎨
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nectardaddy · 2 days
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AHHHH
if yall EVER need a wholesome anime
BLUE PERIOD. BLUE PERIOD. BLUE PERIOD!!!
I am absolutely OBSESSED with this manga/anime and dear god is it so good
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nectardaddy · 2 days
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nah I'm DETERMINED to finish this jean kirstein fic I've had in my drafts for ages
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nectardaddy · 2 days
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inumaki will have such a special place in my heart just because of the character he is. and there are quite a few characters I can go on this rant for (jean kirstein, asta, I have quite a list of favorites)
such a playful and nonchalant character but is loyal and 10 toes down with every single one of his friends. who doesn't seem to care about what harm comes to him if his friends are ok in the long run.
same thing for asta from black clover. mans does not care at all what happens to him or his body as long as he can protect the people he cares about.
I just have a soft spot for characters like this they're just so perfect
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nectardaddy · 2 days
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thinking about writing some gojo or possibly yuta fluff because I'm crying in the club
jjk is just pain
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