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mldrgrl · 3 days

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Remnants

Everything that’s left of her broken dreams is standing at the counter, returning her smile.

Rated: PG Length: 1k

Notes: Post-episode for Per Manum

Originally posted on AO3 1/6/2016

~*~

The apartment is shrouded in gray when she returns, the last of her hopes printed on an appointment summary in her coat pocket. Upon seeing her face, he wishes he’d thought to turn on a light, so she wouldn’t have to come home to more darkness, his slumbering form on the couch not enough to fill this newfound emptiness.

“It didn’t take, did it?”

Disappointment shines in her eyes. Forehead to forehead, he waits until her breathing is calm to offer something more substantial than a promise, but the warmth of her skin under his fingers disarms him, gives him pause.

His hands cradle her face as their lips touch for only the second time, her arms wind around his neck like an anchor, pulling him down into her sorrowful sea.

~*~

Dr. Parenti’s delivery was kind, but she felt the news like a gunshot. It’s worse than Emily, this intangible loss. Failure hasn’t washed away the image of a young girl with auburn hair and almond eyes, or a boy with a shy, quirked smile.

She loves them, the ghosts of her unborn children and all they represented: The intimacy of family life, ringing laughter and a mantle lined with photographs.

A child’s cry cutting through the night, hushed lullabies and the love-drunk smell of a downy newborn head.

Saturday morning cartoons followed by pancakes and bacon, spilled milk and syrup-sticky fingers.

The stillness of reality plays a harsh contrast to her imagination as she listens to the silence of what could have been.

~*~

He wants to punch a hole through her pristine apartment wall. He wants to hunt down the faceless men who did this to her and kill them with his bare hands, until he’s bloody and sore and near death himself. He wants to run, to put miles and years between them, until his bad luck can’t touch her any more.

Sometimes he wishes he’d never followed when she tried to resign from the Bureau, that he wasn’t so chickenshit as to ask her to stay after paying the price for her loyalty several times over.

He’d signed away his rights, but the thing that makes his face burn and his stomach clench with shame, is that he’d wanted this for himself as much as her. Selfish bastard, he thinks. Still a chickenshit.

So he steels himself, grits his teeth and holds her until she pulls away. He takes her hand, leads her to the couch, offers to make tea.

He’ll stay, because he doesn’t have the courage to let her go.

He’ll stay, because he doesn't have the right to mourn what was never his to lose.

~*~

Mulder is opening cupboards, running water. Sleeves rolled to the elbows, he washes the dishes and waits for the kettle, then swipes at his forehead, leaving a trail of suds across one cheek. The sight brings an unexpected smile to her lips.

Her heart sinks with the enormity of her grief and the weight of too many unspoken words. Everything that’s left of her broken dreams is standing at the counter, returning her smile.

He settles on the opposite end of the couch, letting the mug warm his hands. She stares into hers for a few minutes before taking a slow sip, closing her eyes. When she opens them, she’s looking at him with an expression he’s seen only once before in real life, and too many times to count in recent fantasy.

“I love you.”

He blinks. His mouth must hang open, because she’s smiling at him now, a sad, tired smile.

“Don’t look so surprised,” she murmurs, hiding what’s left of her pride in her cup.

~*~

“What would you have done?” she asks. If it had worked, she doesn’t have to say.

“I’d have asked you on a date.”

She pauses to steady her cup on the coffee table, the tea sloshing in her startled hands. “A date?”

“You know—nice clothes, awkward conversation, an expensive wine list, at one of those places that mixes the salad dressing while you watch.”

“Really.”

“Really,” he returns, ducking his head.

“You’d ask your newly impregnated, platonic friend and colleague on an honest-to-goodness date.”

His smile is embarrassed enough to be convincing. “Yeah. I, uh…I thought…if I could give you…give you that…”

He stops, frowns. Her throat is tight when she finally breaks the silence. “Give me what?”

The tea goes cold before he can answer.

~*~

He wakes with a sore neck and Scully’s nose pressed into his hip, a throw tangled around her shoulders. The Late Late Show plays in the background, casting muted shadows on the walls.

She stirs when he stretches, blinking up at him from beneath sleep-addled lashes, as if seeing him for the first time. He wonders if this is what it’s like to hold a newborn; heart filled to bursting with terrifying awe.

“Mulder?”

“I’m here,” he murmurs, stroking the hair from her temple. “Sorry I woke you.”

“Mmph,” she says, her breath warming his abdomen through his t-shirt. “S’OK. I should get up, anyway.”

He nods in agreement, drawing his thumb gently along the plane of her cheek, but neither of them move for a long time.

~*~

She emerges from the bathroom just as he’s finished washing the mugs. Bare feet peek out from oversized silk pajamas, and she surprises herself, wrapping her arms around his waist before she can lose her nerve.

“I’ll stay, if you want,” he murmurs, and she loves him for offering so she doesn’t have to ask.

She loves him for so many reasons. Someday she’ll count the ways, line them up, and tuck them away; programmed, categorized, and easily referenced.

“I’d like that,” she says instead, words muffled by the thrum of his heart.

~*~

She fits perfectly in the circle of his arms, the way he always imagined she would. He times his breathing to the rise and fall of her chest and whispers a blessing into her hair.

“I wanted more for you, Scully.”

Her arms tighten around him, but she doesn't answer.

He holds what little hope is shared between them, and prays that it's enough.

~*~

cc @today-in-fic

#🥺🥺🥺#hurts so good

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mldrgrl · 10 days

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Head to @thatgirlxf for more!!

Stella and Hank Thread #Hankella

Inspired by the wonderful @mldrgrl

Getting ready for bed after going to a dinner party.

Hank: “Your dress has been driving me crazy all night.”

Stella: “Then why don’t you do something now.”

#inspo #hanella

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mldrgrl · 13 days

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some early fluffy msr featuring once again a very tired scully and a worried mulder. if i end up writing more vignettes like these i might start posting them on ao3. this is set a few days after the first pfaster incident.

—

Mulder should really wake her up.

Not only is sleeping on the desk incredibly uncomfortable—speaking from a lot of experience—but he also knows that her first reaction to realising she fell asleep at work will be shame. She is slumped over in her usual chair, angled towards him and with her back to the door; every now and then she makes a little noise and buries her face deeper into the cradle of her arms.

Her blazer has ridden up her back and her blouse with it, revealing not soft skin but a deep-blue, slowly healing bruise. There are several more littering her entire body, and Mulder has caught her wincing or hissing in pain more times than he can count, swallowing the needle of guilt that comes with it. The memory of her sobbing into his chest is at the forefront of his mind, impermeable and achingly bright, and he regrets not shooting Pfaster dead right where he stood.

Scully had insisted on going back to work and shrugged off any and all attempts at getting her medical attention, eventually telling him to 'leave her alone or so help me god'. Not wanting to push, he had, and yet, seeing the shadows under her eyes match her bruises more and more, he wishes he had said something—anything—if just to make sure she is not hurting more than can be avoided.

It is not difficult to guess what exactly is keeping her up at night, and this is not the first or the last time a harrowing experience haunted them all the way home. Nightmares are as much part of the job as paperwork, and he would carry it all for her if he could.

Mulder watches her lips part for a sigh, a week's worth of fatigue finally catching up with her, and his indecision disappears entirely. He quietly pushes back his chair and tiptoes around their office, first taking the phones off the hook, then switching off their cellphones too. If anyone wanted something from them (and 'anyone' was almost exclusively Skinner), they were going to have to wait.

After locking the door, he turns off the ceiling light, picks up his coat, and gently drapes it over her shoulders; the heavy fabric wraps around her like a cocoon, making her appear even smaller than she already was. Shifting for a few seconds, Scully seems to adjust to the new weight and influx of warmth, but she quickly settles again with sleep softening her features. Hesitantly, Mulder reaches out and tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear, disproportionately endeared by the content noise he gets in response.

In the late afternoon twilight, her red hair is littered with specks of gold, and he cannot resist the urge to run a palm over the back of her head to smooth it down further. Leaning in, he presses a tender kiss on her temple, murmuring "_sweet dreams"_ before he can second-guess himself.

Mulder knows he cannot change what happened or the lingering trauma she is inevitably struggling with, but he can allow her to get the rest she needs, if just for a little while, his gaze never straying far from her. No uninvited visitors disturb her peace, and he busies himself with expense reports and filing while she naps.

The sun sets, the moon rises, and a handful of hours later, he catches her lashes fluttering and fingers twitching as she finds her way back to consciousness.

Contrary to his initial assumption, Scully doesn't seem to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable, but rather leans back and pulls his coat tighter around herself. Her eyes are clear, and he can spot the beginning of a smile tugging on her lips. He breathes against the sudden wave of anxiety washing over him, worried that he somehow overstepped.

"Better?"

Scully nods, letting out a puff of air and looking away as a blush rises to her cheeks.

"Thank you," she whispers, extending her arm to take his hand, which was starting to make a mess of the files without him noticing. Mulder squeezes it in return, his thumb unconsciously drawing circles along her knuckles. Unsure of how to deal with the emotions surging between them, he bites back the joke on his tongue and settles for honesty instead.

"If you ever—you can call. Anytime. Odds are I'm probably up anyway, and if-" he stumbles, mentally preparing himself to see her walls slot back into place, but she is meeting his gaze with steady, familiar affection.

"If that's something I can do, please. Let me."

Scully squeezes his hand one more time before pulling back, carefully pushing herself upright. His coat is swallowing her, merging her with the creeping shadows on the wall, and her hair is a flame, drawing him in like a moth to the light. His light.

"Dinner? Your choice."

Mulder smiles, recognising the offer for what it is: gratitude and affirmation wrapped in one.

"Let's go."

(When Scully calls him later in the early morning hours, they end up falling asleep together, and seeing her lively and infinitely less tired at work is worth the phone bills he continues to amass over the next few weeks.)

#so sweet!!#early msr

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mldrgrl · 15 days

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True Lies

by: mldrgrl Rating: R Summary: Post-Terma, Scully can't help but think they need protection against any future kangaroo court congressional hearings and comes up with a rather unconventional solution that she proposes of Mulder.

Read on AO3

This fic took me two years to write. Literally, I looked at the start date on my google doc and it was April 17, 2022, and that's not counting the months spent forming it in my mind. I kept losing steam off and on and some days could barely form a sentence, some weeks I couldn't even write at all, but it's finished!

A big thank you for anyone that was reading it while it was a WiP! Let's never do that again! :D <3

#i wrote this #xf fanfic

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mldrgrl · 17 days

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I know I'm not a writer, so technically I can't tag you, but could you do the fanfiction writer 20 question that's been flooding my dashboard?

I did it last year when it made the rounds back then. I don’t think my answers will be all that different now, but there might be some changes in the ao3 stats. https://www.tumblr.com/mldrgrl/731939847906934784/20-fanfic-questions

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mldrgrl · 21 days

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This is.....niche. Do period-appropriate chickens even still exist? Idk anything about chickens. I like the fancy ones.

#perfect handy guide to period appropriate chickens for my fics #thanks sunflowerseedsandscience

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mldrgrl · 21 days

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Various Storms and Saints- Prologue

"You still haven't told me if he's cute or not."

Scully sighed and pressed the heels of her hands against her forehead, cradling the phone in the crook of her neck. Nobody could make her regret bringing up a subject as quickly as her sister when she put her mind to it. "No, Missy, I haven't," she allowed. "Because it's irrelevant. Mulder's good looks aren't the reason I miss working with him."

"So you admit it? He is cute?"

"Missy. Can we please have a serious conversation, for once?"

"Fine, fine," Melissa acquiesced, though her tone made it clear this point would be revisited in the future. "Tell me why you miss working with him, then."

"Well... part of it is the cases we tackled together," Scully said. "The autopsies I'm stuck doing now that the X-Files are shut down seem so boring in comparison to murderous clones and mind-controlling worms in the Arctic."

Melissa whistled. "Yeah, I can see how that might be a little bit of a come down. What's the other part?"

"What other part?"

"You said the cases are part of the reason. So what's the other part?"

Scully closed her eyes. How to define this most indefinable of relationships, especially to Melissa, who so often seemed to think every person in her life fit into a neat box? "I miss the way he spoke to me," she said finally. "He never talked down to me, not even when he was standing so close I practically had to break my neck to meet his eyes. He made me feel like the things I have to say are important... that they carried real weight with him, even when he didn't agree with me." She chuckled ruefully. "Which was most of the time. He's always shown me a respect that I don't get that often, being surrounded by men in positions of authority who all love to hear themselves talk."

"That does sound like it would be tough to leave behind," agreed Melissa. "Couldn't you... I dunno, lobby to be his partner on whatever assignment he's on now, though? Then at least you'd still be working together even if it wasn't in the X-Files."

"He's working with someone else," said Scully darkly. "At least he was on his most recent case. I don't know if they're officially partners or not."

"And you don't like whoever it is," said Melissa knowingly. "I can hear it in your voice." "I don't really know anything about him," Scully admitted. "But... there's something strange about him, you know? He just makes me nervous." There had been something about Alex Krycek's fresh-faced innocence that had seemed less than genuine, even if Scully couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"Bad vibes, huh?"

"Maybe." Scully sighed. "For all I know, it's just my jealousy getting in the way because I want to be the one out there with Mulder."

"See, I knew you liked him," crowed Melissa, and Scully groaned, exasperated.

"Melissa. It's not like that."

"Fine, fine, whatever you say," Melissa huffed. "Hang on a sec, okay?" The phone was muffled, as though Melissa had put her hand over the receiver. Someone's voice asked a garbled question, Melissa gave an equally garbled response, and a moment later, she was back. "Hey Danes, I gotta go, okay?"

"Wait, Melissa, what's your--"

"There's a meditation session I'm supposed to lead and they're waiting for me. I'll call you soon, okay?"

"But Melissa, where are--" There was a click, and the line went dead.

Scully dropped her bedroom extension back into its cradle on the nightstand and sank back onto her bed with a sigh, snuggling into the cardigan she'd pulled on over her work clothes when she'd walked into her apartment. She'd come home from work for lunch, having finished her morning teaching session a little early, and had been available purely by chance when Melissa called for the first time in two months. Phone conversations with her older sister, while always welcome, tended to be exhausting these days. She hadn't seen Melissa in years, not since the day after her graduation from medical school. Melissa hadn't made it to the event itself, but she'd shown up at the party her parents had thrown her afterwards. Melissa hadn't understood her sister's disappointment, and Maggie Scully, as she so often did, had defended her elder daughter to her younger.

"You know big ceremonies aren't really your sister's thing, Dana," she'd said, patting Scully's shoulder consolingly. "She barely sat through her own high school graduation. Just be thankful she's here for the celebration, all right?"

Sitting through a graduation ceremony was boring, to be sure, but that hadn't stopped Scully from doing it for all three of her siblings when they'd finished high school, plus for Bill and Charlie when they'd finished college. In her opinion, it had nothing to do with how exciting or boring the ceremony itself was, and everything to do with showing up for the people she loved when their hard work and accomplishments were recognized.

Showing up. That was something Melissa had traditionally had difficulty with, when it came down to it.

They hadn't even had a working phone number for Melissa last Christmas when Ahab had passed. Scully, tasked with handling everything while her mother waded through her initial shock and grief, had called every friend of Melissa's she could think of, trying to locate her sister, and had failed. She'd been reduced to sending a letter to Melissa's last known address in hopes it might get correctly forwarded. But it never got to her, as was evidenced three months later when Melissa had called home, chatted with Maggie cheerfully about her recent travels, and then had asked to speak to her father and had been completely lost when her mother had burst into tears.

"Free-spirited" had always been how the family had described Melissa. But deep down, in her darkest and most shameful thoughts, the word Scully sometimes landed on was "selfish."

Scully's cell phone rang, startling her out of her reverie. She half-expected it to be Mulder, begging her to do another autopsy he couldn't trust with anyone else, but it was Roy Seekamp, a fellow FBI pathologist whose office in the Hoover building was next to Scully's.

"Where are you?" asked Roy. "One of the AD's came looking for you but your office is locked. Skinner, I think his name was?"

"I came home for lunch. What's going on?"

"Something big is going down in Virginia," said Roy. "Some hostage situation with an escaped mental patient."

Scully frowned, confused. "Why would they need me for that?" she asked.

"I don't think they actually need you or anything," said Roy. "The AD was just looking for you to let you know your old partner is there on the scene."

Scully's heart skipped a beat. "Mulder is there?" She got off the bed and raced out of her bedroom, tearing off the cardigan and snatching up her bag. "What's he doing there? He's not a hostage negotiator!"

"No idea," said Roy. "I think AD Skinner just wanted you to hear it from him. You coming back to the office?"

"Yes," Scully said, pulling on her shoes. "Be there soon." She ended the call and stuffed her phone into her bag, then looked down and realized she was still clutching her cardigan. She folded it in half and draped it over the back of her couch on her way out the door.

It stayed there, untouched, for over a month.

#look who’s back!#always here for the angst

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mldrgrl · 23 days

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Get attacked!! ✨🌈SEND THIS TO OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL. KEEP THE GAME GOING🌈

:DDDD

Thank you very much! <3

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mldrgrl · 23 days

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Get attacked!! ✨🌈SEND THIS TO OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL. KEEP THE GAME GOING🌈

<3 <3 <3

Thank you!!!!

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mldrgrl · 25 days

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Hi, how are you ? I just wanted to say that I miss seeing you on my dash. Lately, I've been re-reading some of my favorites. I lost count of how many times I've read ' the best interest of the child.' Hope to see more of you soon.

PS: How is Tucker doing?

Well hey! Thanks for checking in. Personally things have been a little chaotic for me, but some of it has settled and I’m trying to finish up the story I think I’ve been working on for what…two years now 😬 It’s coming along a little better now than it had been.

Tucker is okaaaaaay. He had dental surgery last month and they had to extract 14 teeth from him and his recovery was a bit rough but he’s on the other side of it now and back to his old sassy self. You can kind of see all the front teeth that are missing now here:

In other news I got to see Scoop tonight and I actually really liked it! I really didn’t think it’d be that enjoyable going into it, but it was super engaging and fair warning, Gillian is not exactly the main character, even though she’s billed as such. They’re really using her to sell what’s in reality a Billie Piper vehicle. But she is still in it plenty! And here’s a photo from the Q&A after. The woman at the end is the real person BP plays and she was such a delightful human. They could probably make 10 more movies about her. P.S the 92StY has a podcast feed so a lot of these talk backs get posted afterwards. I’d keep my eye on the feed to hear the Q&A.

Edit: and I forgot to say thank you for the re-reads! ITBIOTC is one I keep thinking I’ll do a short sequel to at some point 🥰

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mldrgrl · 2 months

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I watched Alice & Jack last night because Andrea Riseborough is everything and it was like a book that’s so good you can’t put it down. And then I was sobbing for the last half of the fifth episode and the entirety of the sixth episode. No exaggeration, a straight hour of crying non stop. I woke up with puffy, itchy eyes and I still can’t breathe out of one nostril. Kind of feels like I was punched in the face. 10/10 would highly recommend.

#not about the x-files

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mldrgrl · 2 months

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Thank you! This was a fun one to write and sometimes you just need some fluff!

Fic Friday (12)

Title: When the Cats are Away, the Cryptids Can Play

Author: @mldrgrl

Word Count: 2363

Ao3 Description: A request for Mulder and Scully's first weekend away together as a couple.

My thoughts: This fic is SO CUTE! I love seeing Mulder and Scully enjoy themselves as a new-ish couple and their dialogue is perfect. I reread this fic all the time, whenever I want a story to make me smile :)

Enjoy! Tagging @today-in-fic

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mldrgrl · 2 months

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This wins the internet for 2024!! 😂😂

#immediately peeing my pants if this happened to me

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mldrgrl · 3 months

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What a great list!! Thank you!

Milagro Fic Recommendations

These are good for any time of year, of course, not just February 14. But here are my favorite fics related to the season 6 episode Milagro, a long time favorite. (And @sisterspooky1013's favorite episode of all time: happy VD, girl!) I’ve been reading and sifting through these for some time, and I have tried to include some from all eras: newer AO3 fics, some written right after the ep aired, etc. But I'm sure I've missed some, so hit me with your own faves, please.

Because of Milagro's ending, this entire genre of fic tends to be heavy on the hurt/comfort and angst (which is fiiiiine by me), but that’s not all that’s here. Many of these are smutty, but not all.

Adagio - Terma99 A meditative, peaceful take on the aftermath of Milagro by a veteran author that includes both agents realizing something they had learned. Lovely.

Alma - 6hoursgirl (@sixhours) A lovely hurt/comfort Milagro piece. This one is Mulder POV, which is a little less common for post-Milagro, I think, and I like this characterization of Mulder as desperately wanting to help Scully, desperately wanting to protect her, but also a tiny bit scared of the intimacy and relationship he feels they’re on the cusp of. He’s so good-hearted and also a little dysfunctional here, and I love it.

Bated Breath - dreamingofscully (@dreamingofscully) This one has an original take on Scully's experience; it leaves Scully with clarity and new direction in her relationship with Mulder. DreamingofScully tends to write a more confident, in-charge Scully in the MSR than some do, and I appreciate it.

Beyond the Strokes of a Typewriter - storybycorey (@storybycorey) When Scully is stricken and ashamed that it’s been so long since anyone has seen her as a woman as Padgett did, Mulder is pushed to revelations. Mulder 3rd person POV. Very good smut build up. And nobody does a gorgeous feelings reveal from Mulder like storeybycorey, man.

I Believe - Diana Battis There are a lot of lovely, heartfelt hurt/comfort fics about the aftermath of Milagro (for obvious reasons), but this one is especially well done. Viewed from Scully’s third person point of view, it focuses on Mulder’s capacity for tenderness and guilt. Plus some smut.

Don’t Look Up - ArtemisX5 After Padgett's hallway revelation, Scully is horrified that she has no secrets left. But you know, Mulder is much slower on the draw than she gives him credit for. There is also such moving hurt/comfort in this.

Intimacies with Strangers -mldrgrl (@mldrgrl) This mid- and post- Milagro piece has Mulder and Scully simmering in tension and then boiling over. Their relationship is complex and painfully entangled, and I love how it plays out. There is also excellent Scully characterization. This one helps me to get more fully why she might have been drawn to Padgett initially, something I struggle with in the episode.

La Madrugada - h0ldthiscat A carefully told tale of RST that takes both characters seriously and is sincerely moving. Excellent.

Lacuna - Aloysia_Virgata (@aloysiavirgata) This is a longer work, not really a classic post ep per se. But I love this moody, angsty casefile set right after Milagro. This Scully has not come to terms with her emotions, is thoroughly freaked by how she reacted to Padgett, and hasn't even entirely worked out how she feels about Mulder. There is Scully/other here, but the ship is steering home. The end of this is so moving, but cw: dark themes in the casefile, extreme violence against children, traumatized agents.

Still Life - Seek_Its_Opposite (@seek-its-opposite) Ah, this is such a thoughtful and exquisitely written Scully character piece — and it contains some truly beautiful insights about Mulder, too. It suggests the heartbreaking idea that Mulder’s way of showing Scully respect (giving her distance) is continually hurting her. So tragic (and consistent with canon, e.g. Never Again.) One memorable line: “Every one of their fights is about how to care for one another, every last one.”

Alma Gemela - matchingfabric (@matchingfabric) After the events of Milagro, Scully (and Mulder) get accustomed to platonically sharing a bed for comfort. This is a slightly different take on post-Milagro. Exceptionally, irresistibly sweet. Oh, and smutty.

What did I miss? Tell me. And yes, I'm working on my own short Milagro fic that will be coming soon-ish.

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mldrgrl · 3 months

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Amazing! Thank you so much. I remember this as being a fun one to write. There’s a sequel to it too 🥰

No Such Thing As Perfect

🥏 TXF Fic Rec #9: "A Few Thousand Plus One" by mldrgrl

Funny, cute, and totally in character, today’s fic is our duo having a conversation in a diner, just like a few thousand times they have already done across America, but this one is a little special.

Their back-and-forth verbal dance is a chef’s kiss. Mulder is witty, charming, and determined, and Scully is her usual no-nonsense eyebrow-raising self. The ending is quite perfect.

I adore this story. It will put a delightful grin on your face.

🥏 A Few Thousand Plus One by mldrgrl (@mldrgrl)

Length: Short, 2,000+ words Season: No Era Given Relationship(s): M/S UST Tags: humor, fluff Rating: G

#people who rec fic are the best people

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mldrgrl · 4 months

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Tagged by @gladlybeyondanyxperience

Okay, so. Rules. Shuffle your on repeat playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then tag ten people.

1. Faith - George Michael

2. Inertia Creeps - Massive Attack

3. You’re No Good - Linda Ronstadt

4. Mia & Sebastian’s Theme - Justin Hurwitz

5. Show Me Heaven - Maria McKee

6. The Wounded - Michael Nyman

7. Tempted - Squeeze

8. Express Yourself (Mocean Worker Remix) - Charles Wright and The Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band

9. El Tango de Roxanne - Moulin Rouge soundtrack

10. Uninvited - Alanis Morissette

If you want to participate let’s say I tagged you!

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mldrgrl · 4 months

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Hiii! Huge fan of your Hanella series! Im doing a The Fall rewatch atm and love the moment Stella comes over and kisses Archie Panjabis character in front of that guy. Idk how to describe it… Possessive isn’t the right word for the moment but I find the confidence so sexy. Do you think Hank has ever experienced her be that bold and forward in public with him before?

Hello, and thank you. What's behind this cut is a lot of word vomit, so read at your own risk.

Please first allow me to preface the explanation that follows here with the fact that I actually put in way too much character analysis into both Hank and Stella when I was coming to the decision years ago of whether or not to continue with these stories or just keep it as that one-shot, one-night stand that reluctantly became two. I did not in any way expect the overwhelmingly positive response to the pair as I got and I wasn't going to continue if it was only to make them international fuck buddies, becauase...boring. If I couldn't find it in them to build up a relationship within the series, I wasn't going to do it. So, I sat with it for quite a bit, stewing on their strengths and weaknesses and what would pull them together, but also keep them apart. So, these are my opinions on The Fall and Stella, but in now way a judgment of them, because they are what they are. There are honestly plenty of things I don't like about both Stella and Hank as characters, or how they respond to certain things (even within my own series) but if I stopped them from doing things that I don't necessarily like or agree with, it wouldn't be truthful for the characters.

That being said, I don't feel the same way about the moment with Reed as you do (and trust me, I know I'm probably in a minority of one when I say that). What Stella was doing in that moment was meant to intimidate, to take power, to have an upper hand over the guy speaking to Reed, as well as to seduce. That scene actually makes me sad and uncomfortable to think that she would put another woman in that position of having to deal with unwanted advances - and actually she was caught between either accepting the kiss to get a guy to leave the table, or embarrass Stella by pushing her away. It's stomach-churing for me. Whenever it comes up in a rewatch, I cringe at how awkward it looks and that I don't want to see someone who doesn't want that kiss, to have to take it. It's predatory. If Stella was some guy coworker of Reed's who did that, I would feel the exact same way. The only real point in Stella's favor that I can give her is for what follows - she respects that when Reed says no, she can't, she doesn't try to convince her otherwise, she leaves it at that. Let me reiterate here, this is not me passing a judgment on Stella or anyone who got something different out of that scene. It's how I feel about that scene and what needs to be explained to answer the question.

So, in terms of that above motivation, the thing is that she's never had to take power over Hank or seduce him. And that's one of the reasons why Stella's hang-up about public displays of affection as well as overcoming those hang-ups are a theme throughout the Hanella universe - because this relationship is different for her. She keeps that overt boldness private for them, because it's for them and not for anyone else and she doesn't have to weaponize it. I think part of what makes their relationship work in my mind is that they can inherently cancel out the more unappealing aspects of their personalities, but they've still had to put in the work to get past their baggage.

One of the things I remember that I leaned on heavily to develop Stella's character in this series, and move past The Fall, is the conversation with the doctor (whose name escapes me because all I could think of when I saw him was JEFFREY FROM COUPLING!!!!!). I remember that quiet conversation with Doctor NotJeffrey being the most telling about how lonely she is and how hard she's worked to push people out of her life. And those were the kinds of things that I knew that I could work with - knew that I wanted to work with. That, combined with the last shot of her alone in her kitchen after the whole ordeal is what made me believe that she was capable of more than fleeting one-night stands and could be ready to form a connection with someone.

I also think the Working Hard stories within the series are probably the closest to any public boldness Hank has gotten from her, but because they're both in on the game and she's given herself permission to have fun with it.

I'm sorry for the long ramble and I know you probably wanted me to say yes!!! one time he was waiting for her at a bar and she walked up when he wasn't looking and grabbed his dick through his jeans and cocked her head to the side and he knew it meant 'let's get out of here' and they fucked against the brick wall in the alley and then went back in and had a drink, but I really, really do take these two very seriously and I do have reasons for why they are the way they are.

Too seriously, I know.

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