Dear You

You said you liked me, you would constantly say it at the most random of times or that you missed me a girl you have never meant before and how could you possible miss me? but then you explained that you missed hearing my voice, it was relaxing to hear and being able to talk to someone tell them about your day and what bothered you and having that someone not reinsure you of anything but just be there to listen with no judgment. I felt so happy like an idiot for being able to hear that and for being that person for you to talk to but you were also that person for me. For 2 years we talked one year over the comment section of each others pictures on IG and here and there over the DMs of IG then in early 2016 we talked almost everyday over the DMs on IG  and then in late February you gave me your number we talked from then on texting and calling. Somewhere around March you already said you wanted to meet but i told you how impossible that was giving the distance between us but in December last year you brought up buying my plane ticket i told you how bad id feel about that because i know it wouldnt be cheap, you didnt bring it up again after that till sometime of this year in February and i wanted to meet you so bad that i agreed to it. So we planed for March but as time got closer for me to go to where you are there was still no message about a plane ticket i grew worried and upset and you never answered my calls or texts. It was the day i was supposed to go down there and nothing nothing from you i cried to my mom for hours so upset, 23 day pass its april now and i get a DM from you over IG like you couldnt really text or call you had to DM over IG like wtf but we talked about it and i shouldve brought up my concerns and what bothered me but i didnt because i didn want to fight i didnt want to argue and like you said "its not like we're together so who am i to say whats you can and cant do" you said you liked me and that you wouldnt mind pursuing more but not with out some sort of proof that i was interested in just you and not multiple people, my proof was facing my biggest fear just for you but i guess that wasn’t proof enough and everything before or after wasn’t either. you then said "again were not together but i dont think youre that interested in me if youre openly giving everyone the same attention " but we talked some more and we had things figures out but i shouldve brought up the fact that you were doing the same giving the same open attention to many other girls, i on the other was not giving that attention like you said i was it was just some 19yr old that left comments on my pictures and my only responses back were ever " thank you, lol, okay or hahah" but yours on girls pictures were stupid kissy heart eye emojis and comments like "damn girl look at you, so beautiful, so pretty, hot" and the list goes on but i bit my tongue because like you said we weren't together and i didnt want to seem i dont know possessive, i know now i shouldve spoke up. but you called the next day asking if we could start where we left off of and i asked with us talking or me coming down there and you said with me coming down there and that same night you bought the plane ticket and everything, there really was no going back and i was so excited that i couldnt sleep at all. I thought finally im going to meet this guy whos been nothing but nice and sweet to me, who ive had nothing but great conversations with where i could just be 100% me. but throughout all of april you still continued with commenting things on other girls pictures again i didnt want to start a fight before i came down there and i had planed to say something well i was there but i didnt want to start something because well id have no wheres to go and lord knows i have anger issues. We spend 4 days together i became sure that yeah i really like this person and maybe even love a little. but when i came home everything fell apart. 2 days go bye and i dont hear from you not even a single text but yet you're on social media multiple times throughout the day and commenting dumb shit AGAIN on girls pictures. we talk on saturday and i bring it up finally and you ask why it was an issue with the 19 yr old commenting what he did on my pictures and you said well its obvious and i said no tell me and you asked why and i said tell me why it was an issue and you said well because I LIKE YOU. so i said if you like me so much why are you commenting dumb shit on girls pictures over IG and you asked "who like you really dont know and i dont remember usernames and your excuse was "well the reason i was asking who is because its probably a client"and i asked "really come on now" and you continue with "well its my job their my client its my job to make them feel pretty or beautiful"like yeah thats youre job when their in you chair not for you to do over social media and like really is it normal for you to comment on your clients half naked pictures?? come on now get real. we end the conversation that night with you saying that wed talk about it more but we never did. sunday goes bye and monday comes around i didnt hear from you  but sometime during the day you unfollow me and i get confused more than ever. here you are or were telling me you like me and everything fly me down there to meet you spend that time together and for what what reason, what was the point! days go by i dont hear from you Thursday I tell you we need to talk something serious and you tried to make me feel stupid for it but you never called and you ignored my call we dont talk till Friday when i see you liking a whole bunch of these girls pictures on IG and i mean pictures from early 2016 and late 2015 like duuuude really and then i see theres a recent post from her and just so happened that in the video shes spinning around in a chair and i notice the background, its your room and then you walked in. I call you that night pissed off and you start off with a "hey!" like every things fine and dandy and continue to say "yeah sorry i havent talked to you in a while theres been a lot going on with work i ve been really busy and i could even lose my job" and i was like "oh so busy that yet you had time to be home during the day with a girl in your room" and again you go "well who" like as if you dont know just how many girls have you had over in your room since damn man. so i tell you the usuername because well this time i remembered it and you go "well let me look that up right now" like ohhhhhh COME ON! you know exactly who stop playing dumb and then you say "well we have mutual friends in common" i told you ones that havent ment her in person dont count and so you say "well my parents were home nothing happened" i told you i was there and your parents were home and shit happened so dont give me that and then its :well if it bothers you so much ill stop talking to her" i told you im not the kind of person who tells you who you can and can not talk to but it should be common sense of what your doing is going to bother me or piss me off because here you are or were telling me you like me and everything had me come down there and you sleep with me and all that and yet here you are doing this like really?!?! you say we'll talk about it but again we dont and im just left with more questions and im more upset and you clearly knew that you just didnt and dont care. Sunday i call and call and call because we have something to discuss we talk about it as much as we can and theres nothing that can be done about it that was clearly established. So again i bring up the other issues hoping to get those cleared up more and i ask what was the point of all this and where do i stand now but all you have to say is "well i just got home and i need to go inside ill talk to you more about this" an all i can say is "and then this happens, do you really get everything i just said do you understand" you said yes and i asked really because it seems like it just went right over your head and you said it didnt that we would talk about it. but guess what we never did and i never heard from you again. its been 2 months now since you ruined me and turned my world upside down. and im now wondering just how many other girls have you done this to, how sincere were you with all you said tome, did you even really like me or was i nothing more than a 4 day fuck?..you used me. and yet i cant forget any of it, i wish i could be like you and just forget it all and forget a person like they dont exist as if it never happened. but i cant and it hurts so much to know that i cant erase you from me or my memory and i just want to go back and never agree to it to meeting you not if i knew id end up hurt again after so many years of keeping myself shut up from the world of dating or feelings and i thought i could let down my guard and allow myself to fall again and to think that a guy i told all that to that knew of how i was treated before and everything to a guy who treated me like no other who took me on my first date and i know i shouldve listened to my family i shouldve seen the signs but i thought it would all be okay but i didnt just get a life lesson or burned in the "world of love" i got something far worse. and you continue on like every things fine...im upset with me and im most of all upset with how you handled this. you thought by ignoring or avoiding me that it will go away but it wont and youve only made it worse. I just dont understand why you couldnt be the adult that you so claim to be or to be a man and just fucking be vocal about things like i told you from the very start, why couldnt you just say something like "hey you know it was great meeting you but i dont like you like i thought i did" or something, you think by ignoring or avoiding someone and playing victim that people will get the hint or that it will solve everything but it wont and it doesnt it just makes you a coward and childish. and i cant believe that after everything youve done and put me through with how youve treated me that theres a part of me that still likes you when i should hate you with everything i am but unfortunately it takes more effort to hate then it does to like and you cant just go to hating someone with the snap of your finger it unfortunately doesnt work like that...trust me ive tried.

#fbf to when I tried to get a decent Xmas picture of the dogs, you can clearly see which one was 100% done. . . #cuteie #cute #adorable #furbrats #Kin #KinRoo #dog #mutt #germanshepherd #foxdog #flashbackfriday #potd #Sophie #boxerlabmix #boxermix #labmix #boxer #lab #happy #love #lovely #beingcute #girl #selca #hispanic #nativeamerican #irish #xmas #lol

She's clearly not happy about her picture being taken but she was happy to go for our evening walk😄 . . . #cuteie #cute #adorable #furbaby #potd #Sophie #boxerlabmix #boxermix #labmix #boxer #lab #happy #smile #girl #selca #selfie #hispanic #nativeamerican #irish #german #whateven #withthese #tags #lol

Happy💞but currently very hungry😅

😏 . . #pink #pinktheme #hahaha #pinktext #kawaii #tumblr #insta #likes #follow #cute #pastel #whateven #lol #these #tags

Cotton Candy skys

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBIj-rFpRBw)

I love  how Tokio Hotel doesn't have just one look or one sound, they have many! Always trying something new/different keeping it exciting and leaving you always wanting more an just guessing at what they'll do or try next.

🐱 . . . #happy #GN #goodnight #staypositive #smile #kisses #love #beingcute #girl #selca #selfie #hispanic #nativeamerican #irish #german #cute #lovely #follow #hihi #snowapp #like #tags #af #help #outtahand #whateven #withthese #lol #kitty #kawaii #fav

#tbt to some very #damaged hair and #pale days. . . #happy #throwbackthursday #smile #love #beingcute #girl #selfie #hispanic #nativeamerican #irish #german #cute #lovely #pastel #goth #scene #scenehair #follow #like #idek #coloredhair #dyedhair #tags #pastelgoth #whateven #withthese #lol #kawaii

When the boobies are a little extra💞 . . . #happy #goodbodyday #boobieday #tittythursday #smile #kisses #love #beingcute #girl #selca #selfie #hispanic #nativeamerican #irish #german #cute #lovely #follow #mmmm #yes #boobies #tits #hey #like #whateven #withthese #lol

Because no one else matters but obviously I can't say the same for you..... . . #pink #pinktheme #pinktext #kawaii #tumblr #insta #likes #follow #cute #pastel #whateven #lol #these #tags #overit #overthis #pointless #to #even #try

😘 . . . #pink #pinktheme #pinktext #kawaii #tumblr #insta #likes #follow #cute #pastel #love #whateven #lol #these #tags #kinky #loveit #youknowit

....

Never look back but never forget . . . #happy #GN #goodnight #staypositive #smile #kisses #style #love #beingcute #alt #girl #selca #selfie #hispanic #nativeamerican #irish #german #cute #lovely #whateven #withthese #tags #lol #mu #makeup #motd #motn #kawaii

Merry Xmas hope y'all have a beautiful day, I on the other hand will sleep the day away🎅🎄❄✌ . . . #happy #smile #follow4follow #like4like #santahat #love #beingcute #alt #girl #selca #selfie #hispanic #nativeamerican #irish #german #cute #lovely #whateven #withthese #dgaf #tagsaf #beauty #beautiful #tags #lol #merrychristmas #xmas #girly #motd #makeup #staypositive #kawaii

Pouty little bitch💋 . . . #happy #happyholidays #smile #poutine #amazing #style #love #poutface #poutylittlebitch #beingcute #alt #girl #selca #selfie #hispanic #nativeamerican #irish #german #cute #lovely #motd #motn #whateven #withthese #tags #lol #makeup

‘The magic of Christmas’ - bubble wand