In an update to this: this happened again like a week ago but I actually managed to tell the friend about it and I don’t know if that makes me a worse or better person.

Why is it that whenever something major and good happens to my friends (they get a boyfriend, they get a job, they get a house), instead of being happy for them, I start feeling so anxious that I want to cry? It makes me feel like they're so far ahead in life compared to me and like I'm a complete failure. And I hate how my first thought, when they tell me such news, is to make it about me. Towards them I of course act really nice and I congratulate them, tell them I am happy... But I'm really not. I mean, I really want to be, and my mind is aware and tells me: 'this is a really good thing for them!' but I cannot féél that happy thought, all I feel is sadness. It makes me feel like such a fake friend.

Is this even normal?

I don't think I'm jealous, I'm really just scared.

Why is it that whenever something major and good happens to my friends (they get a boyfriend, they get a job, they get a house), instead of being happy for them, I start feeling so anxious that I want to cry? It makes me feel like they're so far ahead in life compared to me and like I'm a complete failure. And I hate how my first thought, when they tell me such news, is to make it about me. Towards them I of course act really nice and I congratulate them, tell them I am happy... But I'm really not. I mean, I really want to be, and my mind is aware and tells me: 'this is a really good thing for them!' but I cannot féél that happy thought, all I feel is sadness. It makes me feel like such a fake friend.

Is this even normal?

I don't think I'm jealous, I'm really just scared.