lunatic-pudge
So If You Love Me, Let Me Go!
MINORS DNI!!!!! Welcome! My name is Niko (FTM He/Him), and I'm trash. I'm just trying to live my best life while suffering from my many crippling obsessions.
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#team fortess 2#tf2#tf2 sniper#THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY THIS WHOLE TIME#i WILL get this man pregnant
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dude has messed up teeth im sure… no dentist, no orthodontist, drug addict, poor..
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Engineer and Sniper being Overprotective towards the reader
Engineer
This man doesn’t want to see you get hurt, at all. He knows that you can hold your own in battle, but if he notices that you’re close by, backed into a corner, he will step in. Whether it be building a sentry close by, or go in with a shotgun, he’ll do his best to protect you.
Even after battles, he’ll check up on you even if you don’t need it and everything went perfectly fine. The perk of this is that every time he comes over to you, you’re going to get some sort of affection. A hug, a kiss, maybe even some words of praise if he caught you doing something cool or helpful.
If anyone is being mean to you, he’ll also stand up for you. Doesn’t matter what it is, whatever anyone says about you is a slight towards him. They’re going to feel the pain of the gunslinger if they don’t drop the subject, and even then, he might be tempted to hit them when you’re out of his line of sight.
When you’re in his workspace helping him out, he can also be a bit of a worrywart. He has a bunch of untested inventions, as well as some very delicate equipment scattered around. He doesn’t want you to hurt yourself by tripping on it, or by lifting something too heavy. He knows you can handle yourself, but the thoughts in his mind show him all the bad things that could possibly happen.
Sniper
Sniper’s idea of being protective is much less hands on than Engineer’s. He’d rather hang back and help out than be all over you. He’s the type of person to notice if there’s someone deliberately going after you on the battlefield and routinely take them out instead of letting you worry about it yourself.
If you ever mention that there’s something physical bothering you, expect the remedy to either be somewhere in sight, or in your room. Got muscle aches? Expect to find a heating pad, some advil, food or even a warm bath drawn up for you.
He still constantly worries about you though, but his stoic demeanor doesn’t let him show it to you. Every so often, his thoughts will get the best of him, and he’ll outwardly ask you how you’re doing and if he can do anything to help out. He always chastises himself later for meeting his thoughts be outwardly known.
He might even just linger a little bit in situations where he doesn’t have to. Big fight between scout and heavy? He’ll quietly stay behind just to make sure that you aren’t too rattled by what just happened, or that if you are injured by flying debris, that you get it taken care of.
#team fortress 2#tf2#tf2 engineer x reader#tf2 sniper x reader#tf2 engineer#tf2 sniper#cool people's work
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A sniper x f!reader. She feels gross and nasty, because, shes, well, a mercenary. Like shes insecure about the scars and the marks, and how she never has time to properly wash her hair anymore and basically feels like a rat. Thank u!
aww, poor soul :( - mod engie
FEM!READER X SNIPER
if you think sniper of all people would care you are DEAD WRONG. hes a man of scars and markings and messy hair. (sniper mullet believer). and honestly? i think he likes the scarring, it shows your work pre-respawn, and he finds it SICK. plus, if you ever feel bad about scars he could show you his own. more specifically the one from being revived in the comics. its pretty damn big after all, and hard to miss, but you love him the same, don't you?
in his attempt to be romantic i think he would kiss some of your scarring whenever he wants to be particularly sappy. humming and murmuring about how much he loves how you look and all. he thinks it makes you.. well, you!
and yeah being a lady in a masculine-heavy field is generally hard when it comes to things such as showering and whatnot. he understands. if you get especially ticked off at your messy and unbrushed hair, he would be happy to let you use the shower built into his camper, but he does warn you of the mess everywhere
he'll even wait outside the camper if you want!
what? you thought i'd say he'd sneak a few peaks? wrong blog buddy, but there are some good ones if thats the vibe you want. anyway— he wouldn't look at you any less if you simply missed a few showers or had messy locks. after all, you murder for a living, not model. you honestly still do better than some of the mercenaries on the team. excluding sniper. i think, despite the popular belief of weed smelling sniper, he is a clean man. after all, professionals have standards! hes gotta smell nice yknow. the hair is under the hat he doesn't talk about that.
if you really really struggle to find time for you to take care of yourself, for whatever reason, he will set time aside for you. before you decide to hang out he might coax you into the public showers in the complex, or the private one in his own camper, but that one is a lot smaller and really made for one person, so best of luck if thats what you choose.
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PLEASE!!! You couldn't have been more right with this.
Postal 1 makes me so sad cause it's essentially a story of mentally unwell guy who doesn't get the help he needs.
Like this scenario is a very real thing. This type of stuff happens all the time! Dude was crying out for help, and no one was there to help him. So it started to get worse and led to the events of Postal.
It's such a real and heartbreaking thing. He was "normal" at first when growing up, but I believe he has a family history of mental illness, so it was a fate doomed on him. But it could've all been avoided if he got the help he needed.
Postal 1 dude isn't evil (and is genuinely the most morally grounded and decent person we've actually met in the Postal Universe)
From what we gather he was living a very normal life prior to going crazy, not like the other dudes who go on senseless rampages when tasked with mundane everyday things. As Promo material does state he's a well educated and mannered person so it's only realistic that this man did have a genuine job and was generating a level of income prior to his decline in mental health and moving to Paradise.
And as stated before he is well mannered in the sense of being stated a "quiet nice boy" and "voted the most likely to succeed". From what we gather this guy was the text book example of a model citizen. The only "flaw" is that he kept referring to a girl he only dated once as his girlfriend but even then that could come down his delusions along with his lack of grip on reality causing him to genuinely think she's his girlfriend or the fact he's canonically quiet (as shown from the Promo material and also the fact that he doesn't actually physically speak AT ALL during the game) and most likely doesn't understand social ques as of it.
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But the most important thing is that he doesn't even have malicious intentions.
The very first thing he proposes after being "attacked" by "groups of lunatics trying to invade his home" is.....go the sherrif for help. The Dude didn't have any Intention to go on a murder spree, he'd rather of just went to the authorities like any other average Joe. The whole thing really tells us that he's not usually a violent person.
Even rewinding back to level one: the war journals (and Vince) did state that the Dude was entirely convinced that he was being attacked by group of lunatics, one of which even firing rockets at him, goes without saying that self defence is really the only option here.
Course it remains solely as self defence until the Dude reaches the train station, the significance being his war journal where he writes "if I can get out i can warn everybody...YES, I CAN WARN EVERYBODY!". The dudes goal has shifted into saving the country as a whole rather than himself which ultimately steers him into going to the air force to find out what has happened to cause the supposed hate plague. The dudes actions represent him more as selfless now with him now doing this in the bigger scheme of things rather than his own self preservation. If its not clear already: maniacs wouldn't care about warning/ saving people from a hate plague, Dude 2 most likely wouldn't give a shit and let it spread since he was totally cool with nuking the entirety of paradise and its innocent civilians.
Furthermore he openly states that he doesn't want to kill people. At the trailer park he writes that "There must be others like me, immune to this...germ warfare or whatever it is". Practically he's saying that he'd much rather run into some normal people instead of having to kill them, it's a stark contrast to the other dudes with the Postal 1 dude appearing as genuinely empathetic whereas the others will literally kill people for something as simple as waiting in line and afterwards not think anything of it.
Also very worth noting that when he enters the ghetto he mentions he's genuinely worried he'll get mugged, we're really getting the picture that he's literally just some normal ass guy with the idea of going to the rough side of town shakes him up.
(Even worth pointing out that only for the ghetto does he go back to calling it a diary like he's momentarily lost his soldier/war mentality at the thought of going into the rough side of town).
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So simple and short:
Postal 1 dudes literally just some average everyday guy (who's been through some really fucked up shit that's forever gonna remain unexplained beyond the veteran theory) who's trying to do the right thing but he's woefully misguided due to his deteriorating mental state as well as being possessed by an entity beyond his broken minds comprehension.
He's literally the complete opposite to every other postal dude (and if anything he's one of the most morally grounded people in the franchise as crazy as it is)
Oh and if this wasn't enough: rws did say on a twitter post that he's literally Just some average guy who's had some shitty days.
(I wrote this at 4am so soz if it's all over the place)
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Mpreg Postal Dude (Requested by Norman Reedus)
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Started playing Postal Brain Damaged. Turns out I still suck at shooter games. Oh well. I'll be playing Postal Redux after I finish Brain Damaged. Also, God is trying to Nerf me.
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-Now, you're gonna have to forgive me for not being the most educated on mpreg stuff. But this is such an interesting request (and I keep getting mpreg Dude art on my Insta feed) I had to take this request. Plus, like, why not? Let's get creative with this >:)
-I'm gonna leave some stuff up to interpretation, like this could be some sort of A/B/O scenario, or through some mysterious circumstances Dude became pregnant, or you somehow knocked him up, I'm letting you the reader decide how that happens
-Now, Dude didn't know he could get pregnant. He figured that since he's a guy, that was something he didn't have to worry about. So he didn't think much of it when he would start getting sick more often. Yeah, he was confused on why he seemed to have these random moments of sickness, but he just assumed it was his on and off drug use and his horrible diet
-You, being Dude's beloved partner, was there for him. Forcing him to rest, drink water, "No Dude, you can't have that, you're sick. Now go to bed." "But babe!" He be so whiny and adorable. He'd try to pick a "fight" about it but it so quick to accept defeat
-But then, you jokingly ask if he's pregnant, since he was sick, moody, was starting to get cravings, etc. Cue Dude staring at you blankly as he seriously considers it as a possibility. A very strange one, but still.
-It then leads to you both huddle around the computer looking to see if men can get pregnant. Turns out, it's a very real posibility. So cue the doctor's appointment!
-It seemed weird going to the doctor and being like, "Hey, my boyfriend and I think he's pregnant. Is he?" But the doctor actually considered it and had a blood test done, and it turned out DUDE REALLY WAS PREGNANT?!
-How could you knock my boy up like that?
-I'm just playing, but yeah. Our beloved gangly ginger is with child, somehow. And now it's time to figure out what to do. First thing is no more drugs and alcohol. It was a big fight at first but obviously Dude learned to deal with it
-Man, he'd be so needy while pregnant. Like constantly wanting more attention and affection from you. He'd be so distraught if you have to leave his general vicinity (you literally just had to pee). But he's so hard to be mad at
-The way he'd look so cute as his baby bump starts to show. You know you'd be rubbing your hands all over his bump. He'd let it cause it means getting lovins from you and that's really all he wants in life
-His craving are so weird. He's the type to wake up at 3am and want McDonald's. So get used to that. He'll also want to eat some of the weirdest food combos. Like, he'd probably eat that stuff when not pregnant, but the prenancy makes it worse
-You'll have to stop him from wanting to go out and cause chaos. He's even more quick to rush to violence if someone pisses him off. His jealousy is also worse than usual. Imagine getting murdered by a pregnant man cause you looked at his partner the wrong way. The baby craves the blood of the people that live in Paradise
-Don't have a gender reveal party. Just don't. He will somehow involve some Napalm into it
-CLOTHES SHOPPING FOR THE BABY!!!!! He doesn't care if he's having a girl or boy, they WILL be wearing dinosaur themed outfits. Dinosaurs are freaking awesome and he wants to show that his kid is the coolest. You two might've gone a little crazy with baby shopping. Oops
-I feel this is all jumbled, I think I'm transcreding to a new universe. But before that, I wanna leave you with one last scenario to picture. You and Dude laying in bed, his back pressed against you chest as you have his arms wrapped around him, rubbing his baby bump as you two talk about things such as what you two will be naming the baby. You just know this man is gonna be a sobbing mess when the baby takes their first steps and says their first words <3
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You know, I think being told to "just get over it" isn't gonna help fix my anxiety at all. But what do I know
#anxiety#rant#Mother plz you know how hard I'm stuggling right now#why do you gotta say some of the worst things to me#:(
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Happiness is drawing the horses outside as soon as I get a smidge of sunlight and nice weather
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I've stop disassociating
*gives tumblr two gay men kissing *
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Made this on a stream earlier lol
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Postal 4 boyfriend Headcanons
(Guess who found about how to do a buillted list insides of manually putting dots :D)
Mans is probably in his early 40’s and feeling every second of it.
He’s not much a romantic, but he knows how to love. Like he knows he’s supposed to give you gifts, listen to you rant, support you in anything, hug you, give affection and words of encouragement, the whole sha-bang. Is he good at it tho? Kinda,,,
You probably met him during his ‘job hunting’, when he was running around this a sign that said something along the lines of “Willing to do something strange for a bit of change”. Caught your attention IMMEDIATELY
You thought he wasn’t too bad looking, something of a roughed up silver fox. He was pretty toned for someone his age, forearms are pretty big and that’s just what you needed. You ended up taking him up on his offer and made him clean out your gutters. You just sat there and watched as he worked himself throwing out heaps of wet leaves and random junk from your gutters.
He came out obvious dirty so you gifted him $40 and a shower. It’s like heavens light shined upon him when he heard the words “You can take a shower here if you’d like?” fall from your mouth was enough for him to marry you in that moment.
Postal Dude has been raw dogging it homeless style for a couple months up to this point, so any kind of reward he came across was a fortune to him. Gladly accepting this kind gesture, he was still thrown out for the rest of the day. You both came upon an agreement that he could stay the nights on your couch, but he still had to go ‘job hunting’ during the days. Didn’t matter to him, he still accepted it. As long as he had a safe place to sleep with Champ.
Side note, you loathe Champ being around during the day since he digs holes everywhere in your front AND back yard, so you make Dude take Champ with him everyday. Dude doesn't mind since Champ is kinda like an attack dog so homie very useful when Dude's walking around
Once your relationship with Dude has reached it's peak (dating), he becomes very attentive and energetic. Where he was once tired and reclused, he's now got some energy in him and filled with affection
Dude loves to be around you and touching you. Biggest love languages are quality time and physical touch, sometimes words of affirmation if he's feeling extra sappy. He's probably been through the works of brutal relationships, so he really wants to settle down, which leads me to my next thought
Mans is getting old and creaky. Sure he's still got muscle and all, but they're honestly just for show. He couldn't hold back Champ from attacking someone he isn't supposed to even if his life depended on it. So, he's staring to wear down and just wants to find someone to relax with.
Red flag time, he's talking about marriage about 2 months into the relationship and tries to move his scrap in without you noticing, which usually fails. It's not that he's using you for your home, Dude just wants to feel like he's finally in a normal relationship. No bitchy attitudes being thrown around, no constant nagging for something stupid, no arguing over small things, no constant threats, just y’all being in love together
Eventually your gonna have to let Champ wonder the house and train him to be a guard dog rather than just an attack dog. You’re definitely the one to look up dog training classes and making Dude go with you to these said classes.
Even with how much he loves to be around you, there are still times when his mental and physical illnesses make him ill 😔 but he still tries to snap out of it
His main problems are most likely his chronic muscle pains and his auditory schizophrenia. (I think all the dudes are some sort of schizo, it’s just that p1 and p2 are the strongest showing ones)
Being older means his body is slowly deteriorating. Sure he’s not that old, but with how he lived in his golden age, he should really be dead. Constantly on the run from the government, having to stay sharp to kill, and fucking his way through Paradise and Edensin, he’s ready to just lay down and let the earth reclaim him
Having a long history of schizophrenia in the family and his own lifetime, it’s thankfully dwindled down to just hearing voices randomly. Since he can only hear these voices it doesn’t scare him as bad as it used to. All he can really hear is a distant conversation that he can’t make out the words to, it’s sort of like a mumbling between a woman and a man. Many times you’ve found him franticly wondering the house with a confused look on his face saying “I thought there was people in here?”
Overall, he’s an old man who’s been through enough and would just like to relax. Give him kisses, give him cuddles, feed him, and talk to him, and he’ll love you for eternity (so gay)
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