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kyloswarstars · 2 years

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PINKY PROMISE • Part 2

Divergent AU • Eric Coulter x Reader

It had always been Eric and me. Best friends for lifetime. Absolutely unafraid to be the biggest mess in front of each other. Eric and me. And a stupid childhood pinky promise of ‚If we’re single at 40, we’re gonna marry each other‘.

Words • 4.0 k Warnings • major mental health problems A/N • I was sick of writing with „you“. So instead of Y/N you’ll find M/N (my name).

PINKY PROMISE masterlist 💫 Divergent masterlist

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Part 2 • Waterfalls and waffles

The confusion didn’t subside when I got back inside. Everyone was back to their own drunken business, truth or dare was still being played and the kitchen was covered in spilled drinks. But nothing of that changed that I had kissed my best friend half an hour ago.

Peter, still in a sheep costume, wanted to do shots and caught me just before I could escape the kitchen. He cornered me and filled shot glasses with apple juice. He was completely wasted. And behaved even more wasted after I agreed to do three shots with him, but that gave me the opportunity to leave the room.

I tried to make my way through the crowd and eventually spotted Chris, but she stood with Will and they seemed pretty intimate so I didn’t want to interrupt. My eyes were searching for someone and when I found Eric, staring at me from afar, I froze.

That feeling of his lips on mine returned and even though I still tasted the apple juice on my tongue I instantly remembered how he tasted. He stared at me. I stared at him. I didn’t know what to do. Should I go to him and laugh about what had happened because it was so odd? Should I go and ask why on earth he had chosen me to kiss? Why did he, though? Christina had dared him to kiss the most beautiful person in the room. I mean… we were best friends since we could remember, it was only natural for him to gravitate towards me because we knew each others souls so well. Right? It wasn’t because he thought I was attractive in the ‚I wanna kiss because I very like‘ way. Right?

Enough. My drunken brain shouldn’t be here anymore. I pulled out my phone and ordered an Uber. I’m out.

I was never really happy to arrive at my mother’s place but after this strange night I wasn’t too reluctant. All I wanted was to sleep.

In the sheets of the bed I had at my mother’s place, I couldn’t fall asleep, though.

/////

Eventually, I fell asleep. At around five in the morning, but still. I didn’t get up to get breakfast. Ignored Christina’s and Tris’ texts in our girls chat. Acted as if I was still sleeping when my mom knocked at the door for me to finally get out of bed.

In the evening I went back home. Dad was out on the porch with Max, his best friend. They asked me about my weekend and I only shrugged.

When I went to bed that night, not wanting to sleep because tomorrow would be Monday, I still didn’t text Eric. And he hadn’t texted me. It was weird. We never not texted. Even if it was just an emoji we sent, there was never a day that went by that we didn't check in with each other.

Yeah, we kissed. But as a joke. Why did it feel like something was wrong now, though?

The second he opened the passenger door, when I picked him up on Monday morning, everything was as always. Like nothing ever happened. He chattered about the second week of seeeeenior year and completely dismissed my weird, nervous being. He almost borderline ignored the fact that I didn’t say a single word and hyper focused on the traffic and the traffic only.

Eric was cheering when we rolled onto the parking lot. Peter looked like he was still drunk but was all in for a heated discussion with Eric about the sheep hunt at the party. They didn’t mention the kiss but I knew by even glancing in Christina’s and Tris’ direction that they wanted to talk about it. They were on my heels all day. I ignored all of their attempts to bring it up, though. It wasn’t easy which was why I was super exhausted when I got back to the car after school. Eric was already leaning at his passenger door and looked at me walking up and even watched me getting in the car.

For a second I thought he would bring it up after he climbed in and closed the door. His lips were sharp. He hesitated for a few seconds and then shook his head. „Do you wanna get milkshakes?“

„Sure,“ I said, honestly relieved. So we drove to get milkshakes and everything was as usual and that was good. That feeling of comfort creeped back in my chest and I knew that whatever had happened at that party was nothing to worry about. We were friends. Best friends. And that was good.

Eventually, throughout the week Christina and Tris managed to catch me for their questionary. I had escaped until Thursday which was a noticeable achievement for me. By Thursday I didn’t have any weird, confusing thoughts about the incident anymore, so all their questions didn’t mean a thing. They tried to get some answers from me that I couldn’t give to them. All they got was ‚I dunno‘ and after having to hear it at least thirty times they slowly grew tired of me.

One thing of being a senior wasn’t so bad after all: I parked close to the school exit and when the door bell rang for the weekend Eric and I were out and about way faster.

Eric tried to persuade me in coming around his house later that evening because that one side of the family he couldn’t stand would come over for a ‚Friday Fun Night‘. I only pushed him out of the car, shook my head and drove off. By the time I parked the car in our driveway I felt guilty for not backing him up so I texted him I would come over after dinner.

It was a pretty ordinary afternoon for me. I fetched myself a bowl of cereals, stared at my backpack for a while and brought myself to pull out the homework I had to do. Then I stared at the homework while eating my cereals and placed the empty bowl on top of the homework in order to lay down on my bed and take a nap. I fell asleep after noticing dad getting back from work and his car being turned off outside.

A loud thud woke me up. I immediately sat up with a racing heart. Another thud from downstairs got me wide awake. My bare feet were storming to the door and raced down the stairs to the noise in dad’s office. When I reached it, he sat on the floor in the middle of a thousand scattered sheets of papers and folders. He frantically searched through them, threw around folder after folder when he didn’t find what he was looking for. It took me a few seconds to function and not stare at him in shock as he went through the papers in such a high pace that it was absolutely impossible for him to find anything.

„Dad!“ I tried to get his attention but he didn’t look. He mumbled things and kept searching. „Dad!“ I entered the office, stepped on the papers and kneeled down. „Dad, look at me!“

My heart was racing. He didn’t look at me and he didn’t stop searching. He kept saying: „I need to find them.“

Ever since my mother broke up with him, he had developed some mental health problems. For a while he had tried to hide it until the first big bang happened and I had to call the ambulance because I just didn’t know what to do. After the second and third bang happened, he went to stay at some place to get better and it eventually got a little better when he got back and carried on with an ambulant therapy. But there were smaller incidents ever since. At some point, I learned to deal with his bangs. Whenever it happened, I first was shocked but then the adrenaline would come rushing in and I would just function. I would carry him through.

„Dad, please look at me.“ I reached out to touch his arm but he ripped it away as if I burned him. He looked at me, though. He stared at me like he had never seen me before. With big, dark eyes, completely unaware of who I was.

„Dad, let us go to the kitchen and drink some water, yeah?“

His head turned to the side a little and this single movement sent shivers down my spine. This wasn’t like all the other bangs.

„I need to find them!“, he shouted and his hands went back to rummaging through the papers.

„Stop it, dad!“ I grabbed his hands, tried to make him stop, tried to pull him up with me and I managed to do so but instead of him being okay with it, he shoved me out of the room and closed the door. I blinked at the wood, not really able to grab what was happening right now. He was back on the floor when I opened the door again. I kneeled down once more and this time grabbed his arms, forcefully. Dad looked up at me with this weird, wild stare and for a second I got scared. With tears in his eyes, he freed himself from my grip and pushed me out in the hallway again, this time locking the door.

I banged at the door with my fists. I felt my lungs vibrating with the shouting I did but my ears couldn’t hear it. My pulse was somewhere around light speed, my legs were shaking and the skin on my knuckles started tearing up from the banging on the door but dad didn’t open.

I rushed upstairs to grab my phone but instead of dialing 911 I hit the top number on my favourites – Eric.

„You ready to come over and entertain my bored out ass?“, he picked up with that weird twist of being excited while being very bored. He was waiting for me to join him with his family.

„Eric,“ I breathed out and my voice died.

There was shuffling on his end, something fell to the floor. „What happened?“ His alarm clocks went off, he was ready for anything.

„Dad,“ I whispered, afraid he could hear me downstairs. „It’s bad.“

„I’ll be right there,“ he said and hung up. It wasn’t the first time I called him for help with my dad. And it wasn’t the first time I didn’t know what to do. But it was the first time dad looked at me like he didn’t know who I was and that scared me. After the call I couldn’t sit down and wait, I stood by the door and listened if there were more noises from downstairs. I wiped the bloody knuckles on my sweater but as soon as I got rid of the blood, more was coming through the cracks.

The doorbell rang. It didn’t even take five minutes for Eric to get here and first thing he did, when I opened the front door, was to pull me in his arms. He pulled me close, held me so tight that it was hard to get air. „Everything will be okay,“ he whispered and let go again.

I nodded, took a deep breath and then led him to the locked office door.

He knocked gently. No response. He knocked again. „Mr. M/L/N? Here is Eric and M/N. Is everything okay in there?“

„No,“ dad shouted but it sounded more like he was close to crying. „I need to find them!“

„Can we help search?“

The rummaging and shuffling sounds stopped, footsteps came over to the other side of the door. The lock clicked. When Eric opened the door dad sat back on the floor again. He didn’t look as frantic as ten minutes ago but still very confused and also determined to find what he was looking for.

„What are we searching for?“ My best friend knelt down and picked up some of the papers, I was frozen in the doorframe.

„All the paperwork I need so I don’t lose shared custody of M/N.“ The second it left his lips, he stopped in his movements. With big eyes he turned to look at me. What? The frenzy fell off his face, his whole being, and he realised what he had just said out loud. He recognised me, his child, and that he had let something slip I never heard of before.

Dad stood up and this time the tears in his eyes rolled down his cheeks. „I am sorry, M/N. I am sorry.“ He looked around, was sorry for the mess, was sorry for today’s bang. „I didn’t mean to scare you.“ He shook his head in disbelief. „I am so sorry, that shouldn’t have happened.“ He was sorry for the bang but the way he was hiding his face in his hands was more than that.

I shoved all the thoughts that wanted to come in away for the moment, hugged dad and tried to cheer him up. „Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out.“

He didn’t hug me back, though. He was like a lifeless puppet unable to move his arms, only able to shake his head. „You shouldn’t even know…“

„It’s alright, dad.“

I caught Eric’s eyes staring at the two of us. Sorrow was radiating off of him. But when I inaudibly begged for his help, he brushed it off and lured dad out of the room and to sit down on the couch in our living room. In the kitchen I filled a glass of water and brought it to dad. I watched him nip at it and grabbed the glass before he sank back into the pillows. He stared at the table and didn’t look at us again. He hid his face in his hands. He looked guilty, ashamed of his bang and the bomb he had dropped.

Eric dragged me back to the kitchen and grabbed the glass from my hands to put it on the counter.

„What am I doing with him now?“, I whispered.

„Call Max? He knows best how to back him up after one of the bangs.“ Eric was right, so I called Max. We waited silently in the kitchen for him to arrive. The more time passed, the harder it got to shove away the questions and the inevitable anger that was forming alongside the thoughts. It was hard to not walk around like a mad cat so I wrapped Eric’s arm around my shoulders and neck to calm down my mind. He squeezed me and pulled my body to his. And he respected that I was way too worked up to talk right now.

When the doorbell rang the second time in less than an hour, some relief flooded through my tensed muscles. Max promised to look out for his best friend and told us not to worry about it. To go upstairs and watch a movie or something. When I heard him talk to dad in the living room and dad responding to him, I allowed my feet to carry me upstairs. Eric closed the door behind us and let himself fall down on my bed.

There had been a moment before, where I felt like I put too much on his shoulders with letting him know how much dad struggled. It seemed unfair to me to put this burden on him. When I told him about it, he disagreed. It’s us together forever, he had said and that was what I had to recall every time when he helped me out with dad. Every time when I couldn’t do it on my own.

Eric grabbed my laptop, pulled up the browser and looked for a movie.

„I can’t stay here right now, Eric.“ The thoughts and questions were creeping up on me.

He immediately shut the laptop and got out of my bed. „Let’s go then,“ he said, guided me downstairs and eventually out on the porch after he told Max we would head out.

The car of Eric’s mom was parked at the curb.

I stopped, watched how he walked up to it but didn’t understand why. When he noticed I was still at our front door, he came back. „Did you drive here?“

„Yeah.“ Eric acted as if it wasn’t a big deal at all. He didn’t sit behind a steering wheel after his accident last winter. Nor did he make an attempt to try. The memories were echoing in his head and he didn’t talk about it because it made him uncomfortable. It was a denial stage he was in and I tried to give him time by driving everywhere we needed to go too. In order for him to heal and get to that point were he could start to work through what had happened. So, the fact that Eric himself drove here tonight, was a big deal.

„You drove here.“ It made me emotional. And it made me smile a little because I was happy about his accomplishment.

„I… didn’t even really think about it. I only wanted to get to you as fast as possible.“

I closed the distance between us and hugged him. Mostly for what he had done tonight but also for all the other times he had helped without second guessing. He was always there when it mattered.

„Do you want me to drive?“, I whispered into our embrace.

„No, it’s fine.“ Eric smiled when I pushed him from me. It was strange to see him sit down behind the wheel and having to take the passenger seat. The way he nonchalantly started the car and started driving down the road was even stranger. Like he never had that accident at all. It took a couple of minutes to get used to it. And those minutes used my brain to shoot memories of tonights bang at me. Dad’s foreign eyes. That he was frightened to lose custody. And the fact that my mother must’ve filed for taking it from him.

To distract myself, I asked where we were going. Eric talked about an old abandoned fabric he heard of and that the compound had a huge tunnel system. There was even supposed to be an underground waterfall. „You wanna explore?“

„Yeah.“

It took some time to get into Chicago on this Friday evening and Eric didn’t find that old fabric first. He took a lot of wrong streets, drove down one street at least five times and stopped to text Uriah for the right address. We made it eventually. Eric parked the car at the curb and we stepped out to the property. It looked like no one cared for the building for at least fifty years anymore or so. Which was hard to understand because it covered the entire block. It was huge. Why would people just stop caring?

I observed the many shattered windows and the tiny holes in the walls after getting out of the car.

„Some entered through the roof but there must be another entrance, I guess.“ I followed Eric as he tried to find another entrance. It took a whole minute until we came to a small parting in the building. It led to a tiny alley with a door on its end. The door wasn’t locked and so Eric pushed it open after handing me a flashlight and turning on his own. It made a terrible screeching sound and if we were in a horror movie something would come after us in not long from now. But I just shrugged and brushed past him to enter the abandoned fabric.

Our flashlights illuminated a hall, almost a hangar, so deep that it was impossible to guess its real dimensions.

„Here“, Eric said. He had turned to our right and stared down a stairwell – again unable to guess how far down it led.

Maybe there could be a serial killer waiting for us down there. On the other hand did going back home sound equally as appealing right now.

I went first and started walking down the stairs. My best friend followed and came to walk beside me. Those stairs went so deep that after five minutes I dreaded even thinking about going down there. Going back up would suck so hard. Out of a sudden the stairs ended with only one option to follow: a tunnel. Just as Eric had said, that tunnel led into a million other tunnels and it was hard to remember what direction we came from once we switched to another tube.

Just in case I checked my phone for service and was relieved to see that I could call for help if we got lost.

Eric was first to stop. I ran into him as he stood there eavesdropping. And then I heard it too. Water.

We followed the direction the sounds were coming from and it got louder pretty fast. When we reached it, a cliff was falling down to a natural, rocky waterfall. It wasn’t like some old sewer tunnel or anything, it was a real waterfall. Something must’ve been down here that used to be of interest for people once. They have put an old, rusty metal bridge over the chasm, connecting one side of the cliff with the other. We stepped on it and directed our flashlights to the rush of water. It was just going and going and it didn’t stop. The steadiness of it and the deafening volume that came with it, was calming.

I sat down on the little bridge, legs dangling over the edge. Eric sat down next to me.

We didn’t speak. We couldn’t even if we wanted to. I wouldn’t be able to understand a single thing with the loud water behind our backs. I just stared at all the things our flashlights illuminated. And I sank into my thoughts. I felt the emotions of tonights bang coming through. Saw dad’s wild stare when I closed my eyes.

And then raw anger hit. For some reason my mother wanted full custody. I was eighteen already. Due to repeating junior year still in high school but also almost an adult. What benefit would she have? How did she even dare pulling that off after everything she had done already?

First my jaw clenched. Then my hands started shaking. When I couldn’t swallow the lump in my throat anymore, the crying started. It wasn’t tears, it was this deep hollowing sobbing. The one you couldn’t stop and hurt deep in your chest type.

All the adrenaline I had used on my dad tonight, all the anger that had built up, was mixing together. It blurred into a spiral, dragging me down and down and down.

When I felt Eric’s hand searching for mine, when his fingers intertwined with mine, this familiar calm started to pull me back. He held on so tight, so adamant to let me know he was there, that this calm was able to flood my chest after a while. It soothed out the clinging feeling and made the thoughts slow down. Until… it turned into a burn in my stomach.

Not like it was on fire. More like it was a growing flame that wasn’t harmful but rather inviting. The familiar calm turned into something I had never felt before, without losing the comfort and the safety of Eric’s presence. It felt thrilling. It felt like…

I jumped. „Can we get waffles?“

Eric had been startled with my sudden movement and the out of context question but it was the first thing that came to my mind. After realising that maybe the burn in my stomach wasn’t something I should feel for my platonic best friend.

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Tags • @roxytheimmortal

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kyloswarstars · 2 years

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She drowned in Moonlight, strangled by her own bra.

Today’s speed paint, now my phone background.

Carrie On Forever

#star wars #princess leia

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kyloswarstars · 2 years

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You know why I love AUs? Because the whole point of them is that everything is changed, and yet these two people are still going to meet and fall in love- that they’re so set in stone and so meant to be that you can change literally everything in a hundred universes and they’ll fall in love over and over again.

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