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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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I think I got it. I think I got a metaphor for DID/OSDD.

When we are a child, we are a bowl of water. By growing up we were filling it up.

The trauma is the spilling

The puddle are all the alters

Who is the original? None. They all come from the same water, the same bowl.

No new water is added to the puddles; new puddle exist because they split into two or fuse into one. No water is taken too. The same amount of water reminds from beginning to end.

The puddles are different; bigger, smaller, all different shapes. All of them have the same values because they are from the same water. Together they are the original water

Does this metaphor work for anyone?

#did system #actually did #actually osdd #actually traumagenic #actuallytraumagenic #did osdd #endo dni #osdd 1b system #alex tag

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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You know, when I discovered the system and met a few alters in it, I should have guessed the system wouldn't be small. I met a good number from the get go: I believe 10. It's pretty big for a first discovery. Then the number grew (discovered some more, new were created because of irl situations). I should of guess it wouldn't be small. At first, it might looked cool to have a bunch of alter but eventually it kind of get overwhelming.

I have to live with the fact that I will never be close enough to everyone. I won't be friend, know much about them or even really know and meet them. Most will stay stranger.

I have to live with the fact more and more will show up. It's more space sacrifice for them and less for me. I get even farther from getting close relationships in the system.

I have to live with the fact we won't all be happy. I could maybe do something about the small number we use to be, it was manageable. Now it's impossible to please everyone so we will have to choose who gets to be comfortable irl. I get to be comfortable because I'm the host but I feel bad for the one who can't.

I have to live with memory spread even more. We're lucky info gets to be pick on sometimes but it's not guarantee all important info gets in. It's a nightmare knowing who knows what. Lucky if the one with the info can front

I have to love with the fact not everyone can properly do their job. Some have specialized role but can't do them because they aren't called for it or can't even be reach. It's problematic when it's a exam and you lose most of the time dissociating hoping the one who can do it will reach the front and soon. It make you think it would of been better doing it yourself but that's if it was even an option because sometimes dissociation hit for whatever reason

It looks fun being multiple but ironically it kind of makes you feel really lonely. There's a separation from most. You get less of everything. And you don't have a choice but live with that. I love all my headmates but I wished it would be different

- Alex

#did system #actually did #actually osdd #actually traumagenic #actuallytraumagenic #did osdd #osdd 1b system #endo dni #alex tag

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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Sometimes I wish our body wasn't such a pain to be in

- Amity

#AmityTag

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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Let's take a moment to talk about introjects, yeah? And not the "oh wow I'm a hssjsjsh character haha quirky 🥴" shit.

Introjects who people deem "problematic". Introjects who people harass because they think they have the right to tell them how they "should" be. Introjects that yes, do break people's boundaries.

Introjects, fictives, whatever you want to call us (yes this is being wrote by one), don't control who they are, what they remember, how they think. We are just like you. Born with a birthmark you don't like? Well were forced to be associated with a story we may or may not like. It may not be exactly the same, but it's the same in what you can do to change that.

Nothing.

Sure, you can use cosmetics to cover up your birthmark, but it's still there. It's still you.

Introjects can change their name and personality but it won't change who they started as.

And frankly? Unless they have genuinely harmful behavior? They don't need to change. Sure, it's good to understand source separation, but let us be who we are, regardless of wether you think it's "cringy" or "dumb". There's such a strange air around introjects and it needs to stop. We are just like you and just like any other alter.

And let us have our own relationship with our source. I like watching my source, it's comforting. Another one of our introjects hates their source though, and both relationships are perfectly valid.

And for introjects who have source memories? It's valid.

If you can be traumatized just by exposure to something you can't handle, then yes, introjects can be traumatized by things they remember that never actually happened to the body.

And introjects who remember family, friends, partners? Yes, you can miss someone who doesn't exist (though if your on the fandom side of Tumblr you probably already know that lmao). Yes, you can have memories that part from your source. Yes, you can have relationships that might be uncomfortable to others.

But you are your own person, not what some dumbass on the internet thinks. If you aren't actively harming anyone or doing anything illegal, then be whoever the fuck you want.

Wanna seperate from your source? I support you 👍

Wanna associate with you source? I support you 👍

This blog will always be a safe space for introjects.

So TLDR: Leave introjects alone. Introjects can come in all shapes and shows, and that's actually really pretty.

#yes this #i also come from a problematic source #we have introject from problematic source #we shouldn't have to constant worry if we're going to be accepted #we didn't choose to be us #i changed my name and don't associate with source #but there's part of me that stil are that girl i used to be #it won't go away #and it should be fine #i don't need to look pretty to people #i jist need to do my job and that's enough #he💔rtbreaker tag

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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We've been very sick those past few days. I'm wondering if we split from it and if I'm the result of it. Ugh

#i m not tagging this

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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🍓) Do you have a favorite song? (In case you can't choose feel free to put a top 3)

(Answering this ask game)

I do like a lot of songs but one that as a big place in my heart is wolf in a sheep's clothing by set it off. I don't listen to it regularly but it's still a song that is very important to me

Answered by: Alex

#did system #actually did #actually osdd #actually traumagenic #actuallytraumagenic #did osdd #osdd 1b #osdd 1b system #osdd system #endo dni #alex tag #ask game

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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Since I'm pretty sure we will never get any ask about it, might just answer the ask game anyway (not like we're going at making post anyway)

Answering questions from this post

⚘ How did your system choose its collective name, or in case you don't have one, its blog name?

We do have a system name but we actually never said it on this blog. We go by the system name Chaotic Troop ^^. I think we got the idea by actually helping another system find a system name. We didn't want to use system or collective because it's use a lot and we wanted to be original. Troop sounded cute so we got we that. Now for chaotic well... we ARE chaotic. This system is barely functional. It's pretty messy so that fits.

For our blog name, it was Tiff who came up with it. I think it was when the system was still relatively small. I don't really know the origin of the name tho. I like it and think it sounds good so might as well keep it

Answered by: Alex (host)

#did system #actually did #actually osdd #actually traumagenic #actuallytraumagenic #did osdd #osdd 1b #osdd 1b system #osdd system #endo dni #alex tag #ask game

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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Oh btw we also have a stimboard blog if anyone is interested in checking it out. We currently have zero requests and they are open

You can check it here

#did system #actually did #actually osdd #actually traumagenic #actuallytraumagenic #did osdd #endo dni #osdd 1b #osdd 1b system #osdd system #Alex tag

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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Hello welcome to our system blog! ☆

We are the Chaotic Troop and we believe to be a OSDD 1B system. We're still discovering how to work together. It's soon going to be one year since I, Alex the host, found out about the system and we been working together to function.

This blog is made by and for traumagenic system. Endo, Tulpa and non- disordered system and supporter should not interact with us. We don't want to fight, we just want our save space for traumatized people.

A little bit about us:

We're an autistic system and ADHD is also suspected by our neurologist

We are a big system but not everyone fronts regularly

We are bodily 18

We have a side blog for stimboard

Ask game answer:

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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System Ask Game!!~☆

⚘) How did your system choose its collective name, or in case you don't have one, its blog name?

🍓) Do you have a favorite song? (In case you can't choose feel free to put a top 3)

🦐) Favorite animals, any pet you wish to have?

🥕) Are there difference in writing between some of you? (Both irl and online)

🌻) Do you have any peculiar interest that someone may find weird, if yes which?

🍋) Favorite blogs/bloggers on here?

🌿) Would you consider yourself as chaos, a bearded dragon, a pie with legs or a fan that makes ominous noises?

🧶) Do you have some favorite textures?

🦋) What is a spot in you headspace you really like, and if you don't have an headspace, favorite spot irl?

🧊) Any heavy stimmer in the system, and if yes, what's your favorite way of stimming?

🌂) Favorite weather and why?

🔮) Would you rather date a cactus, a pretty rock, a shiny vase or a facy broom?

🌸) Dancy stickbug yes or dancy stickbug no?

🎟) Any factant/introject of someone you know personally? (Ex: Friends)

Endogenics, Mixed Origins, Tulpas and supporter DNI, this ask is NOT for you!^^"

#endos dni #ask game #i will probably never get anyonr ask anything so i will answer by myself from time to time

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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Why have one version of a character when you can have 5?

- our brain (probably)

#did system #actually did #actually osdd #actually traumagenic #actuallytraumagenic #did osdd #osdd 1b #osdd 1b system #endo dni #fictif talking #Ko tag

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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System Ask Game 2 💘

⬆️ Who is the oldest alter?

⬇️ Who’s the youngest?

🕑 Do certain alters come out at specific times?

♣️ Do most members have similar hobbies, or do the vary?

💭 Do you all agree on what you want to do career-wise?

💳 How/When did you choose your system name?

🎭 Do most alters have to pretend to be the host, or can they act themselves?

🤎 Do you share favorite colors, or do they vary?

🤭 Did you ever have an “oh crap I’m not a singlet” moment?

🌈 Are there differing sexual/romantic orientations throughout the system? If so, how do you handle this?

🌏 Any alters with differing places of origin?

👨‍🎨 Any different accents?

👸 Anyone have certain accessories they’re particularly attached to (irl or in headspace)?

⚔️ What, if anything causes arguments?

🎵 Does anyone have music preferences? What is your favorite song right now?

🧸 Do the littles have a favorite toy?

🔆 What’s your favorite part of the day?

Hope this ask game is better than my last one! Have fun!

#why not this could be fun #plus we have difficulty actually making content si #AskGame #alex tag

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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I just realized we kept misspeaking osdd in our tags. We can't write

- Alex

#did system #actually did #actually osdd #actually traumagenic #actuallytraumagenic #did osdd #endo dni #osdd system #osdd 1b system #alex tag

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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Vent

I'm not happy to be here nor exist. I can't say why just I don't. Everything seems too complicated for me I just don't want to be bothered. Why me and why now?

- NewAlter (I know my identity I just really don't want everyone to know)

#did osdd #did system #actually did #actually osdd #actually traumagenic #actuallytraumagenic #endo dni #fictif talking #🗣 tag #osdd 1b system #osdd system

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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Btw, people can ask us questions if they want to. We'll be happy to answer

- Alex

#did system #actually did #actually osdd #actually traumagenic #did osdd #osdd 1b system #AlexTag #endo dni #osdd system #osdd 1b

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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Vent (no trigger warning in particular)

Sometimes I would love for this system to realize just how much some stuff about us isn't normal. Like no, it isn't normal to be physically in pain all the time and, no, even if the pain isn't that strong, it shouldn't exist.

I'm feeling absolutely terrible. This body is so shit

- S

#did system #actually did #actually osdd #actually traumagenic #sTag #fictif talking

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journal-of-a-chaotic-troop · 2 years

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If anyone is curious no, we did not switch our host. We just got Tiff to be co-host instead. Things are going better

- Rox

♡>[The system is a mess. We're debating if we're making an host switch and who to put. They want to put Tiff but he doesn't want to. Hunter is unreliable. It's just tiring I'm so tired. I wish things were easier]

-Monika♡

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