Please stop attacking the past versions of you. They were doing their best at the time and they got you here. It’s amazing how much progress you’ve made and how much you’ve grown but please don’t think your past self lacked worth in any way.

Thinking about her (a show that was cancelled unjustly) again

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but intrusive thoughts are basically your brain’s (sometimes very upsetting) way of saying “If there were two guys on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what?”

I’ve personally found that adding the “would that be fucked or what?” part in myself really helps put the more disturbing thoughts we sometimes get into perspective. Helps me say “yeah thar sure would be fucked up” and move on with my day.

It’s not not a secret desire, it’s not something that only occurs to you because you’re a bad person. It’s just your brain deciding to process the fact that it knows an uncomfortable thing exists in the world by feeding it to you in an absurd “what if” with you as the main character.

When Everything Everywhere All at Once said “The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind, especially when we don’t know what’s going on" 

When the Good Place said “Why choose to be good every day when there is no guaranteed reward now or in the afterlife… I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.” 

When Jean-Paul Sartre said ”‘Hell is other people’ is only one side of the coin. The other side, which no one seems to mention, is also ‘Heaven is each other’. Hell is separateness, uncommunicability, self-centeredness, lust for power, for riches, for fame. Heaven on the other hand is very simple, and very hard: caring about your fellow beings.“

actually how am i supposed to carry on after reading "the only one who had any chance was andrew, who threw himself out of his goal like all of hell was on his heels." LIKE ALL OF HELL WAS ON HIS HEELS. im going crazy

vampires have been drinking human blood for centuries they don't give a fuck about guys on eight different antidepressants. they were sucking on asbestos factory workers

would it be a sin? if i can't let that fool go down alone.

@userdramas​ event 16: fools

Fanfic writers are like crows. If you give them treats (comments) they will bring you shiny things (fanfic)

Yok + bullying Dan.

Ray asks Sand to dance with him. Set around the time they were just FWB. Sand's pov. AO3 link

Bad decisions

It’s late. Way too late in the night for Sand to be able to pretend being here is reasonable and wise. He should be in his own bed, asleep. Not sitting on Ray’s leather couch, sipping his expensive whiskey and trying not to doze off. Lulled into a semi-awake trance by the soft music, the warm light spilling from the lamps around them, the alcohol muddling his thoughts. His eyes flutter shut despite his best efforts to keep them open. 

He is ready to resign himself to another night spent on uncomfortable furniture when a soft hand curls around his palm. Sand blinks slowly. Turns his head to the left, towards Ray.

“Will you dance with me?”

He says it so sweetly. Sand feels that if he were to catch those words from the air, they would feel warm, be light as foam. Ray’s voice wraps itself around him. Brushes over his ears like the temptation it is. 

Sand wants to say no. He really does. His limbs feel heavy, the tiredness clings to the back of his mind, his eyes sting. Both from the cigarette smoke and the need to rest. There is a refusal forming itself on the tip of his tongue. His mouth is opening, only to gently close. Defeated.

Because before he can say no , Ray tilts his head. Blinks slowly, his long eyelashes fluttering against the rosy cheeks. Sand doesn't know where to look. Into his beautifully shaped, hazy but still shining brightly eyes? The ones that look at him as if nothing else exists around them? Make his heart flutter wildly against his chest? Lure him into a false hope for a happy ending? Or at his lips? The perfect cupid’s bow, the slight dip in the middle of those plump temptations? Their cornes are barely upturned, a tease of a smile adorning them. He can feel a phantom taste of the strawberry lip gloss that shines on them every time they hang out together.

He must have gotten lost in his admiration, his conflict for those treacherous lips stretch into a bigger smile. That damn na? falls from them and Sand is undone. 

Sighs, squeezing the fingers resting against his. Lets himself be pulled up. Ray leads them away from the table, links their fingers and starts to move. Sways his hips, tugs their joined hands here and there. He is good, really good. The way he loses himself in the music makes him look free. Uninhibited. 

They dance for some time but then it gets too much for Sand’s tender heart. Makes him feel things he shouldn't, can't. It's a dangerous state of being, especially coupled with the sleepiness that still lurks in the corners of his mind. He blames what he does next on that.

Instead of calling a stop to their dancing, he makes Ray slow down. Tugs him to himself. Tries to ignore the way the man’s eyes get liquid warm with pleasure when he guides his arms up, so that he will wrap them around his neck. Slips his palms under Ray’s shirt, placing them on his naked back. Feels puffs of shaky breath against his collarbone. Lays his cheek on the silky hair.

They sway like this until the last song on the album ends. Then their lips meet in an unhurried kiss. His hands wander lower, grip Ray under his thighs. Lift him up. Legs lock around his hips. He sways then moves towards the couch.

They don't sleep that night.

Even after all this time and awareness, it feels like asexuality is still not treated like a proper sexuality. Recently had a girl tell me that she was at a place where she ‘felt so asexual’ because all the other girls were so beautiful and guys were ignoring her because of it. She didn’t know I was asexual and I didn’t take offence (I know she didn't meant it in a malicious way) but it does feel uncomfortable that people are using ‘asexual’ in lieu of ‘unattractive' or 'lacking sexual appeal.' It's really giving 90's/early 2000's slang of using 'gay' to mean 'lame.' Even shows like Brooklyn 99 which took immense pride in being progressive with their comedy, had an episode where one of the characters says "Oh, and I'm sorry if we implied you're both asexual nerds who can only be friends with service animals."

I have mentioned this before also, when I talked about how I feel like people are more comfortable erasing the identities of canonical aro/ace characters in media but act like it's unacceptable with other sexualities... but it does feel like asexuality (and aromanticism tbh) are still not considered 'real' sexualities. In the case of shipping fictional characters, I understand there is nuance to that issue and so don't want to get into it, but it does kinda add to my point.

Why is it that people treat asexuality like it's not a sexuality? Why is it that when I come out to people I'm met with insistence that I'm wrong about my sexuality, that I'm 'self diagnosing' (it's not a medical condition), that I'm probably 'just inexperienced' or haven't 'met the right person' or have a hormone issue? Why can't people just accept that it's a sexuality like any other??

Read, read, read. Read everything -- trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master. Read! You'll absorb it. Then write. If it's good, you'll find out. If it's not, throw it out of the window.

— William Faulkner.

i already have a job and it's called keeping myself alive. why do i have to be employed on top of that

dandelions are magic. literally tiny suns in the grass that turn into the moon and then the stars when you blow on them. fucking insane.

Sometimes I wish time loops were real so I could get caught in one for a little bit

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