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fungirl-apk · 4 months

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JJK CHARACTERS AS SCAM ARTISTS. (JUJUTSU SCAMMERVERSE.) (PT.1)

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(a series dedicated to Jujutsu kaisen characters and what type of scammers they would be. (Keep in mind this is just a joke - slander if you will. Lmao. )

-> PART 2(toji)

TW// dusty!satoru, scammer!satoru, dustmite!gojo, mentions of scammer!geto, crackfic

1K+ words

(if you have eczema , asthma, or a cold, reading this fic featuring dusty gojo and (a very little, but still dusty) geto will make you cough, wheeze, hack, and sneeze. read at your own risk.)

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SATORU GOJO - THE MONARCH SCAMMER.

-SATORU is definitely the "over-the-phone" foreign country emperor-type scammer. The kind of scammer who chooses gullible females (such as elderly women,) or vulnerable women (such as lonely widows,) on purpose - he's no misogynist, but he finds women easier to manipulate cash out of (partially due to his good looks and silver-tongue). Besides, what woman can resist a handsome ""emperor"" from a foreign country? with a foreign accent?

-SATORU would definitely be the type to carefully plan out his responses/behaviors before manipulating his victims for cash - he'd purposefully distance himself away from his victim for days, but not before saying things like: "I'm broke", "I have no job", then arrive with a half-assed apology 3 days later, "oh- sorry! was busy working, lol :p"

-SATORU would obviously not be stupid enough to contradict himself, By accident that is. He knows what he's doing, he's just making it seem like he's hiding something... Hiding the fact he's the quote "emperor from some rich foreign country".

He realizes he could never just say that though, so instead, he'd leave little traps for his victim to pick up on, hints, and clues, that'll eventually all add up and corroborate his story.

-SATORU's entire goal from start to finish would be to push the theory without explicitly saying it. The more distance between you two, the more suspicious you will get.

the more desperate for an answer you feel as he pushes you away? This is how he lures you in, although you'll never realize it until the end.

-SATORU would only strike when he knows he's destroyed your morale. When you inevitably lower your standards for an explanation as to why he's been "traveling in and out of Japan", desperate for anything, you'll accept his outlandish confession of being a

"foreign imperial monarch, emperor of the south who has 8 Bugatti's and 5 exotic albino peacock-tigers and an 89 figure bank account".

And regardless of whether you truly believe it or not, you accept it. Because you're just desperate for his company and tired of feeling neglected.

-SATORU would use his previous absence to further push the theory if you still weren't convinced enough. "Yeah, the reason I missed your birthday was because I was helping the local Duke of the North. I got injured, so I was in the hospital". he wasn't.

"remember when I said I couldn't be there for your promotion party? The guards of the south needed my assistance on the day of the party, so I traveled to Japan to help them.". He didn't.

"That picture of me on the airplane was me traveling to my kingdom". He literally snuck onto that plane without a ticket...

-SATORU is smart, smart enough to know you probably would begin to doubt his fictitious empire and his tenuous adventures about "large boats made out of porcelain with golden jewels, exotic albino caviar, and white pearls" in Bali, Indonesia.

So, to further sell the dream - he sends in cash or expensive gifts now and then as the final nail in the coffin. To some inexperienced scammers, it just looks stupid, considering he's supposed to be the one receiving money, "counterproductive" they say.

But Satoru just scoffs and writes them off as "amateurs". He doesn't see it as ""CoUnTeRpROduCtive"" He sees it as an investment, a down payment, or to put it more accurately, a security deposit for the future.

"It isn't guaranteed you will get back the same treatment in dividends from the person you choose to pour all this unnecessary money into..."

Nanamin often remarks. But again, Satoru just scoffs. Nanamin just doesn't understand the psychological genius behind a true mastermind such as THE gojo Satoru, king of the con artists. Some say he's arrogant, but he'd just say he's confident in his abilities as a scam artist.

what comes around goes around, and he's gonna get his money back one way or another. it's just his good karma.

-SATORU's best friend, confidant, and partner in crime, geto, comments that if any regular person were to describe Gojo, they would say he's an absolute despicable excuse of a human being.

If any of his victims were to describe him, they'd say he was a learning experience and their first real heartbreak.

If an advanced scammer were to describe Satoru, they would say he is a genius but arrogant hustler in a world full of flim-flam cowards,

a true fraudster in the flesh. Most scammers who've heard the tales of Satoru Gojo assume he's worked his way up to the top all by his lonesome, brewing his own methods of mind games and manipulation processes resulting in successful licks among women internationally.

But, geto would just chalk it all up to him being born into a very corporate family.

One that happens to scam their customers out of new and expensive phones every 6 months for minimal features but 6000x times the price. it's worth it though, because you get 50kb more space. :>

-SATORU would never let another man in your life. not in jealousy - but in greed. He's had men in the past attempt to distance his victims away from him in either pursuit of a romantic relationship, or because they're trying to play fraudster as well, While he's still trying to play HIS tricks.

you can guarantee no matter who it is - Satoru takes it as a sign of blatant disrespect if another scammer attempts to try and get in the way of his bag

So, he makes an example out of them, which is the number 1 reason why Satoru Gojo became the most notorious figure in the Con-artistry community.

IF a man somehow reaches the god-like proportions Satoru Gojo has achieved in the world of the jujutsu scammer-verse, he'd just have to knock him down to size.

He can't have another shyster challenging his authority. If the JJK scammer verse is the Wild Wild West, there isn't enough room in this town for both of them.

-SATORU in the world of scammers would be the kingpin, the best, the inspiration, the moment, and the blueprint for other scammers in the jujutsu scammer verse.

and he's a dust storm heading toward all the women. ladies, pack your bags, skip town, and lock your doors, it's sneezin' season - and beware of the Toji dust blizzard following right behind

-> PART 2(toji)

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ATTENTION ALL READERSSS, THIS IS MY FIRST FANFIC. I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE IF ITS POPOCACA BUT REMEMBER IT'S JUST A JOKE FOR YOUR PERSONAL ENTERTAINMENT

BUT IF MY FANFIC ERADICATED ANY FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT FEEL FREE TO CRITIQUE ME!!!!!!

(also, here's a quick yuji fanart I created LOL)

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