finiteannotationsoftheunworthy
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Ranting!!! We all love ranting… really who doesn’t? This really is just a place where I can write my thoughts out and not keep it to myself as to somewhat make me feel like I’m actually doing something with my life i guess
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It would be so funny if I turned out to be a divorcé attorney
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Life is just a cycle of repetitive over and over again
Love
Anger
Sadness
Hatred
Hatred
Hatred
…
Love?
…I can’t go through this again
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This is so unfair
I miss you so much
I didn’t know it would hurt like this
I didn’t know I liked you this much
Why did I get so attached to you
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The whole point of Hell was to torture people for all eternity, or at least that was the point on paper. In practice, everyone’s too numb and too used to it to even feel a thing or even be scared anymore
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„It’s hard to understand you“. Yes I know, I live with my thoughts 24/7 and don’t even understand myself.
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This isn’t fun. It’s exhausting. It’s tiring.
It isn’t fucking relaxing at all.
I just wanna go home.
What happened to the fun I was supposed to have?
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What you do will never be enough for me (as much as I hate it), and I will never be enough for anyone. (Including you. Especially you.)
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I’d wish you’d say something… anything even
I don’t mean it when I said to ignore it
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I hate you
I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you
I hate that I can’t stop thinking about you
I hate that I find you in things that I’d never thought I would
I hate that you take up so much space in my head that nothing even fits up there anymore
I hate that right now I don’t have anything to distract me from thinking about you
I hate that my mind is racing a million times faster than it normally does
I hate it when I don’t talk to you
I hate it when I do talk to you
I hate everything that goes back to you
And I hate that I don’t really hate it at all
#time to get drunk ig#will my mind just calm down please#it’s just getting tiring at this point#every weekend I have this crisis that hits and I want to cry#my head hurts
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Godddd why can’t I do anything without thinking of you
Jesus fuck leave me alone
#everything reminds me of you#I hate it#I could be doing the most mundane thing ever and then something you said would just float into my head#why must you do this to me#hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope#fuck hope#all it ever does is let me down
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I’m so unbelievably selfish
There’s so many things I have that I should be grateful for:
The 5 notifications that came up immediately.
The posts that contain the vagueness of me.
The questions of ‘did something happen’ and ‘let’s get through this together’
The reminders of what I have, something that can’t ever be traded away.
How could I ever have thought of wanting more?
#thank you.#to the both of you#who needs romance when you have friendship#(I probably won’t be thinking like this by tomorrow but for now it’s nice to be content with this)#I’m happy with this for now.
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How funny the world can be sometimes
When the truth was right under my nose this whole time, I went to hell and back just to find the answer, the solution.
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Missed voice call at 11:46 PM
If only you knew how much I rushed through everything just to call you back. And those few minutes I spent not calling, the thoughts that ran through my head… countless:
“Is she finally breaking up?”
“Is she alright?”
“Maybe she wants to talk about something… Does it have to relate to her confusing behavior today?”
Or, god forbid, “did she miss me?” I hoped for this. I wanted this. I knew it couldn’t be this.
But I still hoped. Foolishly. Despite all those times that hope let me down, I still trusted it. When will I learn my lesson? It’s funny how hope is portrayed as such a thoughtful, good thing to have, when in reality, it’s hope that’s crushing everything.
#I guess I just really wanted you to call me because of something#even if it was something bad… or something good… or even just something you wanted to tell me…#I just really wanted it to not be an accidental thing
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People tell me that we're the couple to stay friends after we break up
I half agreed with them
Until I didn't
Because I know I couldn't live with the fact that I had you once, but ruined things between us
Like I did right now
Like I did before
You said we're taking a break rn. Just friends.
But friends don't say they like each other. Friends don't say that I hope l'm right next to you rn. Friends don't do that. So what are we if not friends? And not girlfriends either?
l've spent the entire day wondering how to talk to my new friend, only for you to completely shatter the perception I had of us now.
My not so friend friend, what are we now?
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I told you. Because I wanted comfort. Because I hoped you could give me advice, to be on my side and be with me.
I told you, because I wanted you to be a mother. That despite our anger at each other, we could still bond and tell each other things.
I didn’t tell you to be criticized. Or pitied. Or to be controlled of who I am to talk to. I told you not so you could do that.
I told the both of you, to be reassured that you both love me no matter what. That you accept me.
It appears that I won’t get that.
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I’m so sorry
I didn’t mean to that that I swear
You’re trying so hard I can see that but I just. Don’t know how to. Talk. Do things between us.
I’m so sorry. Just give me a while to think about this.
I can be better I promise…
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