why am i like this? i need help. i need a therapist that i can talk to. i need a person that will be willing to just listen and be there for me. too bad i haven’t found that person yet. 

literally fuck you... fuck you so much. I’ve never had such hatred towards someone in my life. 

i relate to this. A LOT.

i’m literally in the sort of my life where i dont really give a shit. i dont know if that’s bad or good tbh. i’m tired of not being good enough. i’m just tired. i have so much anxiety in my life. i dont know if i’ll ever become a nurse or doctor. with my grades, i don’t think i will.

math is really kicking my ass lately and that really sucks.

my father he’s still an asshole.

i’m coming to a point that i don’t consider myself having a father figure.

what truly sucks is all my friends have really close relationship with their fathers and i don’t. it makes me really upset because i truly wished i did. but i’m just soo scared to ever be w my father by myself because i’m terrified of him. not because he hurts me physically, which he doesn’t. but it’s since i’ve so emotionally beaten up by him, i feel like. and it just really sucks.

i feel like i cnat really talk to my parents about anything because i’ll just get judged. i really hate that feeling.

my dad is just a really different person. i don’t know who he is and it’s really upsetting. we used to be really close, i was his princess. but now i wouldn’t consider myself that.

something is wrong with him, and i think i know what it is, i just don’t want to admit it.

ever since that day i confessed to him what i know he is doing with this girl laura everything just has gone down hill, and i’ve been having a lot of anxiety.

i don’t really know how to deal with it. i’m scared to tell my mom because i dont know how she might react. it might be because taht day i told my dad about what i know, he screamed at me for no reason and i got really offended by it. he never apologized to me for what he did to me. he made have a panic attack taht lasted more than it should. he though i was over reacting but i really wasn’t.

he doesn’t know how i feel and how much this has impacted me in my daily life.

all the stuff that people who i really care about and love say really impacts me. so, if one says ‘oh you’re fat’ to me i will take it very personally because it’s coming from a person who i really care about.

i’m a very sensitive person when it come to that kind of stuff, and i hate it.

i’ve always struggled with my body image since i was very little. people in my family telling from a very young age that i was fat, chubby, had parasites in my belly which = why my belly when i was little was so big. this very much impacted my whole life that i can still hear my subconscious telling me that. i’ve gone through phases of myself throwing up when i ate a lot. i would consider my self bulimic back then because i would eat and eat then go to the washroom at night and 'pretend to brush my teeth’ when in reality i was shoving the tooth brush up my mouth so i could vomit it out.

omg i’m so fucked. i need help.

growing up in such a “females have to have this kind of body and blah blah blah blah blah” environment, thanks to my uncle, it has really put a strain in my confidence. my uncle alway used to say 'oh when you get older you’re going to go under the knife and get yourself plastic surgery so you can get a nice and defined waist.“ and ever since then i’ve been self conscious about the way my body is shaped.

i’m really stressed out, my family in venezuela don’t have enough resources to function. which is making my mom really stressed out. specially during the holidays where everyone should be happy and enjoying their time together, all i here is my family complaining and COMPLAINING about everything and everyone, i’m just so SICK OF IT. hearing them complain, i’m done! i just wanna relax, not have any troubles, and be coolin.

FUCK IM JUST SO SAD AND MISERABLE INSIDE, I WANNA LEAVE THIS HOUSE AND START MY OWN DAMN LIFE.

How can some one have so much hate for one person but still loves them?

June 4th I've never really liked my dad, he has always bee super mean and judgemental. Always talking about how I'm too fat and need to be skinny. Always body shames me and makes me feel like shit. Slats makes me feel stupid and unwanted, like if no one else would ever like me. I've always felt this way ever since I've been little. I've been always the dumb one, 'the less smart one', called slacker,idiot other mean things. I've never really listened to them but sometimes I can takes things to heart. Those things can really affect me emotionally and internally. My mom has never really stood up for me which I believe is wrong because if I had a daughter and her father was calling her negative names I would talk to him privately and tell him to stop because it bad for the child. It doesn't hurt to tell someone to stop calling your child that. At the end of the day I feel like my mom is also scared of my dad, which is not good. He has his tempers and they can get our of hand, if not dealt properly. I've always tried to improve my marks be smarted, get an 80% average or higher. In my grade 8 graduation I got honour role, which I was so happy about, i even cried! I cried because I kept thinking that I wasn't going to get it since I'm not as smart as my brothers since I've Been always the less smart one. I was under estimating myself, doubting myself, which is bad because I felt like I was not worthy for anyone/anything, since my dad always says to me that I'm 'fat', and that I need to stop eating SO much. Well, maybe if you didn't tell me that I wouldn't be binge eating so much since I don't want you to see how much I'm eating. I always feel self conscious every time I'm around you. I never feel like I could be myself and not worrying about you judging my weight/appearance. I could never feel free. I've always felt ugly and not worthy for anyone since you say all of those harsh full and mean things to me. You only complement me when 'I'm loosing weight/trying to'. Now, I'm in a part if my life where I want to be healthy or at least try to love myself and my body because currently I'm not doing so great. It has felt like you've never been there for me. You always put work first, size I don't have any special talent you've never really paid any attention to me. Sometimes it feels like I don't even have a father since you aren't involved. Plus, who's that girl Laura? She literally posses the loving shit out of me, even if I don't know her. You are texting her 24/7 and even when you are driving which pisses me off! She literally needs to get a fucking life because she has no business of being in our life. Why is she always texting you heart emojis and kissing face emoji. You better not be having a fuckibg relationship with her because that would make you the worst fuckibg dad in the world. If you are I will never talk to you EVER again. Because that has caused me so much pain in my life and stress.. I've always wanted to ask you but in too afraid to because you intimidate me ever since that day you out me in front of a wall with your belt bad I sitting on a stool just so I could learn my vowels. YOU could of taught me a different way! Instead, you scared me and I've been never been able to forget that day. Sometimes it still haunts me. I try to play it cool though always laughing about it like its it big deal. Well guess what? IT WAS! I really don't like you. You've alway made me feel terrible about me and my decision. Yes, you are family but still. You have scared me in all the ways you could ever think of. I'm scared of you, I don't like being alone with you because I always feel judge. I don't ever think that I would have anyone that will love me until I get skinny and 'beautiful' because of you! You are the one shy has made me throw up when I eat too much because I just feel guilty about eating so much. I just imagine all the calories adding up and myself getting bigger and bigger, fatter and fatter, uglier and uglier. EVERY TIME. I have so much anger towards you but I don't have the balls to say it to you because you are you and I am me.

I always feel like a bother. Like I'm bothering everyone just by my presence.

there's something missing and i dont know what it is...

Canada Day!

Cuteness overload 😍😭

Lemonade

Beyoncé (via maktub-darling)

Fucking best album holy fuck

This. X10

Always

This shit alas at happens to me wtf. I'm tired of always feeling guilty when I've done nothing wrong. I hate it.

Biggest fear...