f-yeah-no-evil - Tumblr blog

f-yeah-no-evil · 1 year

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5 years later

Give or take.

This is not a return to this blog. I will never be active on this blog again, this blog is dead and only exists as an archive. I will not respond to messages about No Evil.

That said, I wanted to clear the air about some things. If anyone’s still following me, or remembers me, hi there! I’m alive and well. I’m studying to become an opera singer, I’m learning to play guitar, and I have two girlfriends I love a lot. If that’s all you want to know, you can stop reading now. If you remember several years ago when I was acting... oddly, to put charitably, and cruelly to put brutally, and wondering what’s up with that, I’d like to put the record straight and take the chance to own up for my mistakes. Really, I just want to tell the truth behind this blog.

Because there’s a lot to unpack.

First, me. The basics: At 11 or 12 I, a child in the united states and avid Heather Dale fan, found Betsy Lee’s animation of Mordred’s Lullaby. That, in turn introduced me to No Evil, and as you can probably guess, I loved it. It stayed with me all the way to moving to East Africa at 13, where things came to a head.

It was a big adventure! I wouldn’t trade that experience for the world. It was, however harrowing; I was sick all the time. Most of my time in Kenya - for about a year - was spent in and out of hospitals and emergency clinics. I had no friends or kids to play with. I could only leave the house on mondays and what was it, wednesdays? because it wasn’t safe outside. I couldn’t go to school because there were no schools the accommodated mzungu (white people). I was extremely, extremely isolated for over a year.

And when I say isolated, I don’t mean I was bullied. I mean I was getting an hour of social interaction every three days.

We’re not done yet. I have adhd and have been taking medicine for it since I was 7. What I didn’t know was that I was reacting badly - really badly - to the medicine, and I had no idea it wasn’t normal, because how I felt was normal to me most of my conscious life. I didn’t figure it out until I was 18 and tried changing dosages.

My preferred dosage of my adhd medication? 10mg. The dosage I was at throughout my childhood? 60mg.

I was about six times overdosed on stimulants than I could handle, isolated, and usually vomiting my guts up.

Physically, mentally - in every way possible, I was sick.

(When I moved to Uganda, things got better socially, but I was still overdosed and constantly ill.)

It would be safe to say I was manic most of the time. I turned obsessive. There were days on end where I didn’t really sleep, but worse were the days where I didn’t quite wake up. I hallucinated. A shadow hand that looked like a spider seeped out of the ceiling and skittered away. Sometimes I saw shadows in the hall that looked like my mother. Sometimes, I would pass out in my own vomit. I would lie on floors naked because even my clothes hurt me. Once I couldn’t stop screaming from the pain, and my mother told me to be quieter. Why would she do that to me? Why would anyone say that to their child?

(To this day I don’t know.)

No one could help me. I seriously considered checking into a ward, but I was a) in east africa; those places didn’t exist, b) if they did, I would certainly be abused if not killed, and c) I would be separated from my family and sent back to America. It wasn’t a choice at all. So I stayed, and I hid, and I coped the best way I knew how.

That brings us to this blog. I turned obsessed. I forgot obvious details, I harassed people for shit I just made up. I was well and truly not in my right mind, and desperately trying to hide it and trying to beat down the part of me that was sick. I even tried to convince myself I was doing better because I was “suicidal in a different way than before.” I embarrassed myself by saying I was acting strangely because of previous trauma, when really I was going through trauma THEN but wasn’t able to access my situation.

I don’t remember who I harassed, but I’d like to take a minute to say: I’m well and truly sorry for that. Please forgive me. I did only as I knew.

However, I am still deeply grateful to 3 people in particular, who stuck by me even when I was at my absolute worst, and I’d like to thank them. DrAwesomeSauce, Charles’ VA; Loron, the person who did the German subtitles; and someone I called Violet, who I may not have actually liked, sadly. Obsession and desperation clouded any honest opinion I may have had for her. I needed social contact. She’s a good person and I hope she has better than I could ever give her. I know for sure I felt fondly about the other two, who did so much to support me and keep me stable to the best of their ability, all the way on opposite sides of the world.

Even Betsy’s own kindness toward me is one I appreciate; she didn’t have to treat a crazy girl with so much gentleness while dealing with the same stalker I had.*

*said stalker went back on his schizophrenia meds and apologized to me years later. I wouldn’t call it a happy ending, but erased an ache.

And I’d like to sincerely thank those people. If you are all somehow reading this, I may not have made it out alive without you.

I’ve thought about it, but it’s so wrapped up in my pain I can’t come home to No Evil - and I’m deeply, deeply sorry I have to say that. I heard the ‘soft child’ soundtrack once and I was on edge and unreal for days. It’s something I can avoid easily enough that I don’t want to do the work of unpacking it all; every time, I’m 14 years old again and covered in my own vomit. I won’t be able to come back unless I get a fresh start without all that baggage, with the people who made it and with my own memory. I know I’m forgiven, mostly. But it’s not really about forgiveness.

Thank you, to Betsy Lee, for her art, that kept me alive for long enough to get out. Thank you to the people who loved me even when I was at my worst in every way. I will be grateful for the rest of my life to people who will never get the payoff of seeing me do well in life. I’ll spend the rest of mine paying it forward. I love you; I’m not coming back.

See you in a better storyline, folks.

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f-yeah-no-evil · 4 years

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SO LET ME PULL OUT MY NECROMANCER SHIT AND REVIVE THIS BLOG BECAUSE ANYONE WHO HASN'T SEEN 35 NEEDS TO N O W AND 36 IS ON THE WAY WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE

This blog is no longer being updated and never will again for personal reasons.

#fun times with anons #asks

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f-yeah-no-evil · 6 years

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Change of plans.

So, the mods I wanted to set up for this were too busy to keep this blog active, and besides which, I’m leaving for good. I’m sad to leave, but it’s for the best: As mentioned in the previous psa, there’s a lot of guilt and shame involved here now. The more I thought about it, the more I realized staying here would only hold me down. This was a wild ride, and I learned a lot about myself and the world. I’m super happy I did this and am deeply grateful to you all for being here, especially the friends that have stuck around.

Keep creating the good xipe quetzal content, keep researching, keep interest in the judgement comic alive! This is a fantastic story and I hope the rest of you are around to see it completed.

And I’d like to say sorry to the people I’ve hurt. Things were... not good. My mental and physical health were at their absolute worst, but even with that excuse I’ve done some unforgivable things. I’m sorry to the friends I left behind, to the people subjected to my meltdowns, and... everything, really.

Maybe I’ll be back one day! Isn’t likely, but... yeah, that’s a lie.

You can follow my personal @magicalballerinaprincess, if you want to. Send all questions you might have about this there. This blog won’t be deleted, but will exist as an archive for all the good times. And the bad. And the weird delirious goofy times when I was in immense pain and on too many painkillers, I don’t know how to categorize those.

Truthfully, I’ll be okay. I always knew I’d fly away. Maybe in some kinder universe, things were different. But this isn’t that universe, and moping around wishing has never helped anyone, so the best I can do is let mother nature reclaim what is hers and move forward.

Here’s to being the best we can be, even if it hurts. Farewell, everyone!

#psa #long post #i got really poetic near the end whoops #ive been reading lots of poetry lately. seanan mcguire is excellent

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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I may be dead inside but my endless love for xipe totec is what keeps me going

#Luv that bird #shitposting #murder #No evil betsy lee

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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Changes coming!

As you may have noticed, this blog has been inactive and not up to date on episodes. The old mod (who you can call mod c) has a lot of bad history and lack of interest, so she's adding some hopefully more engaged people to keep the blog active!

Don't worry, I'm not leaving for good. I'll still pop in to reblog some art or make a shitpost. I simply don't want this blog to die, but alo want to keep myself mentally healthy. I have some people . It'll take a few days for these changes to happen. We're still working out some kinks. Consider this a heads up!

Mod c

#Psa #mod c

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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my favourite genre of youtube video is animated wolf oc series i have nothing but respect for often teenagers deciding to create 20+ minutes of fully rendered animation with a full team and voice cast with no formal training. i wish i had that kind of dedication

#text

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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There's a new episode out???

#Im.... out of the loop

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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this looks really bad but,, heres a dadaroq

(dedicated to @biobliterator cause they kind of inspired me to draw this hhfh)

#mictlan trio #Art

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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Human corn vs. True corn

My sister’s wayward boyfriend is also named Corn.

I have been asked to please not refer to him as Human Corn to his face.

#who would win #Corn #Text

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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Some quality Judgement Memes(tm) for your consideration:

-text-to-speech xochipilli

-huey screeching every line

-amaroq's horrible accents

-xochiquetzal cursing a Lot

-f-yeah doing everyone's screams in an abrasive high pitched voice (very loud, and I mean everyone's)

-(entire group in unnerving unison) An NoW THE SKY's ON FIRE

-skipping the pronunciation page

-"all right, can anyone here do a Canadian accent"

-russian ixtilton maybe

-the... JUDGEMENT SCYYYYYYYYTHE

#Fandom history #Judgement comic #No evil betsy lee #unfortunately baby corn noises and let quetz say shit never took off

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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only 90s fans remember

Judgement memes

#no evil betsy lee #shitposting

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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I x t l i l t o n

Mmmmm pick up sticks

#Ive been trying to sparse meaning from this ever since it was postes but I still have nothing #Every post by noevilheadcanons is not meant for human comprehension #Rival #text #Silly #Ixtlilton

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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I made a meme. Fun fact, I tried to type ‘Tezcatlipoca’ instead of ‘ick’ multiple times and it crashed Gimp every time, so I gave up.

#I hope I havent reblogged this already #meme #edit #silly

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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After seeing your response to the recent anon, it all makes sense. Calamity singing "I made you cry," is really Betsy mocking us all for being hopelessly addicted to and invested in her series. I'm not even mad.

Charles' VA confirmed that Betsy feeds off our suffering in the skype chat a while ago. And, as a side note, Betsy was known for lurking her fan's blogs, and knew a lot more about me than I anticipated - one of the fandom's older jokes was "you cannot hide from your sins. Betsy sees all"

Actual elder god Betsy? Discuss.

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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Please help I've watched this series 4 times in 5 days

No. Suffer

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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Cry

I made you cry

no evil is such a good show you guys should watch it here you go

#Calamity #little bunny foo foo #art

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f-yeah-no-evil · 7 years

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[huehuecoyotl(no evil) playlist!]

1] Nobody’s Fool - Shakey Graves 2] Dirty Town - Mother Mother 3] So Much To Say - Dave Matthews Band 4] Private Idaho - B-52’s 5] Wayfaring Stranger - Johnny Cash

listen here! // https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjCx3oNbGMlvBbX9sn0a7IJcy0ZMkqGtf

#music #huey

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