A women’s body is a masterpiece, but her mind is one too. If you only see her body as one, you’re objectifying her.

exquisiteedaisiess  (via wnq-writers)

“I would not expect any less from you” and other forms of verbal aggression

WTF is verbal aggression?

I’m sure some of us has experienced being verbally attacked when engaging in conflict. I know I definitely have seen it and have probably participated in it without even knowing. If you do too, it’s okay. I almost always hear people say these kinds of phrases when engaging in conflict. Let’s learn how to stop it, eh?

Verbal Aggression is a form of communication violence and involves “attacking the self-concepts of the other” (Infante and WIgley, 1986, 2011). Some examples of verbal aggression are “No one else would have you” or “I suppose someone with your intelligence would see it that way”. These are all personal attacks and criticism of someone that are non-productive when engaging in conflict. In individualistic cultures, this kind of aggressive and abusive communication is common, attacking someone’s character, abilities, background and physical appearance. In collectivistic cultures, this is directed towards a group of people the person belongs to or relates to such as their family, culture, etc., when people say something like “You people are all animals”. I’m sure we’ve all heard someone use this kind of language some way or another.

However, This kind of verbal aggression often leads to physical aggression. This incites violence. For example if a husband and wife are on the verge of divorce and the husband yells and threatens his wife, “well I pay the bills so good luck with that” and she yells and counter threatens, “well I will make sure I keep the kids”, this conflict can escalate and lead to shoving because it’s not productive nor helps the problem. Often times, verbal aggression leads to physical aggression and that’s when it becomes dangerous.

If you have lived in a household where verbal aggression was a common way to communicate in conflict, then you may be likely to communicate the same way, however this is not always the case of course. It is just common to model that kind of behavior. The good thing is that if you are aware of how you are engaging in conflict, you can change it.  

In order to preserve a good relationship, it’s important to integrate and collaborate. This means try tactics that involve avoiding conflict if it is not necessary and will not help at the time, being accommodating (it’s not just your way or the highway) and compromising (you win some, I win some). It’s important to take into considerations the emotions of someone else while engaging in conflict. They are obviously feeling a certain way for reasons as are you or else you would not be arguing. 

Lastly, it’s important to remember that the reason why people engage in conflict at all or attack other people is because they lack something emotionally. If you feel unheard, misunderstood, it may cause frustration and cause you to lash out unexpectedly. This often happens in romantic relationships. Just remember everyone engages in conflict because they want to be heard and understood and above all else, loved. It’s important to preserve good relationships that are important to us and if they are falling apart, using verbal aggression is never the right choice. 

Hope this provides some insight and perhaps helps you through your tough times!

xx, Bri.

“Geez, lady, lay off the perfume”

Is probably what’s going on through people’s minds when they walk by or sit by someone whose perfume is so strong it practically stings our eyes. You know what I’m talking about. You might even be one of those people sometimes. So, we’re going to go over a little perfume lesson:

Less is more.

I really can’t stress that enough. Here’s a little handy tip:

Perfumes are oil-based. So that Marc Jacobs glass bottle you’ve been wearing (Oh Lola! is my fave) is oil-based and you should only spritz this ONCE because it lasts long. You spritz it on your wrist and rub your wrists together and then rub your wrists on the your neck, right just below your ear. One little spritz is all you need. Trust me. These are the areas that matter most when it comes to expressing your scent. Don’t go crazy spritzing yourself with oil-based sh*t like a 7th grade boy overdosing on Axe. Again, you know what I’m talking about. And don’t substitute perfume for deodorant. Spraying this around your armpit area or all over to cover up B.O. is a big no. PERFUME IS NOT DEODORANT. 

Perfume is used to enhance your natural scent, not to essentially cover up the fact that you just gym’d or forgot to apply deodorant. 

So here’s a lesson on body mist or “sprays”. These are water-based, which means they do not last as long as oil-based perfumes. This is something that you can subtly spray all over. When i use body mist, which is most of time because I only use perfume for special occasions, I spray it about a foot away from my chest and neck area and again on both of my wrists. Again, your scent should be subtle, not overpowering. I can’t tell you how many times I sit next to some women in class and I can’t think straight because the over-powering smell of cotton candy wonderland is making my eyes bleed.

I also hate those scents. You know, those cookie cake sugar butter cupcake scents that you were obsessed with when you were six years old. I have no idea why women in their 20s are obsessed with the scent to this day. It is not natural at all and no, it does not make you smell yummy. Here’s a tip on choosing a scent: it should enhance your natural scent.

Everyone has a natural scent. Everyone smells differently. You have your own personal scent and the perfume that may work for your best friend may not work for you. For example, everyone was obsessed with Vera Wang’s Princess perfume when it came out and it smelled sooooo good on my best friend at the time. I went to her house after school and tried it and at first it smelled great, but by the end of the night it wasn’t as great smelling. In fact, it just didn’t smell right at all. It did not react well with my body chemistry and therefore, did not enhance my natural scent and did not smell great in general.

So, it took a couple tries to figure out what scents work best for me but I figured out my scent. You can figure your scent out by trying a perfume on your wrists at the beginning of the day and at the end, if it doesn’t smell that great then it doesn’t work for you.

So, what do we take away from this little chat?

Less is more. Don’t go 7th grade boy crazy and drown yourself in body spray.

Perfume is oil-based and body spray is water-based so you have more leeway with this one and use sparingly for the other.

Perfume is supposed to enhance your natural scent, not cover it up. And your body chemistry is different from everyone else’s.

xx, Bri.

F*ck Your Dirty Little Secret, Mine is Dirtier (and better)

I’d like to start out by stating I shower every day. I do. I even exfoliate once a week and I lather in all that organic expensive sh*t that LUSH provides, I can’t help it. When they grab me in the store and start washing and massaging my hands I have to buy the damn “organic” moisturizing body wash. (It’s a pretty damn good investment though since it lasts me half a year)

Although I do shower my body every day. My hair is a different story. Every heard of the “No ‘Poo” method? You know, the one where gals just completely STOP washing their hair? Never wash it? No shampoo no conditioner, just rinse it with some water in the shower? Ya, not for me, but my hair habits are quite similar. I have successfully trained my hair to last up to a week without washing.

“WHAT??!!”

Ya, you heard me. I only wash my hair once a week. But, before you get all grossed out and stop reading or start to judge, you should probably take a real look in the mirror and realize your hair is over-washed, dried out and you’re probably suffering from frizziness or split-ends while I’m enjoying life over here with my naturally full and moisturized (processed) locks. (And saving a ton of money on shampoo and conditioner and all kind of hair crap you spend $$ on to ease frizz and breakage)

Guess what? It’s actually really unhealthy to wash your hair every day. It’s extremely drying especially for processed dyed hair. And it’s absolutely unnecessary. You’re probably shaking your head in dismay, but let me tell you I used to be in the same boat as you. I used to wash my hair every day or every other day and if I didn’t, the next day it would be really oily at the roots and look gross. This is because your hair is used to being washed all the time and your scalp naturally produces oils to keep your locks moisturized since you dry them out from over-washing. At first, my hair was oily, but I slowly trained it to not be. I started washing my hair every 3 days, so only twice a week and after a month, my hair stopped looking oily and gross. I also used dry shampoo. Dry shampoo is the friggin’ key here. I use it on my roots on the 3rd day of not washing my hair and it looks refreshed and great. 

After about 3 months of washing it every 3-4 days. I started to wash it just once a week and again, I trained my hair to not oil up even 2 days after washing. My hair looks so much less frizzy and is less brittle and I don’t have to spend so much money on leave-in conditioners or frizz control products. It’s hair heaven and your scalp will thank you for not over drying it. 

ALSO, the perfect brush is key to healthy hair as well. Combing and brushing with any brush after washing often leads to breakage and split ends and the tugs and tangles are just so damn annoying. Everyone is obsessed with the WET BRUSH and you won’t know why until you try it. Go invest in one. I haven’t gone back to any brush and if I’m forced to use a different brush at a friends or my boyfriend’s house, I feel like I’m cheating out my locks. This is serious business.

Below, I listed some of my favorite hair products below to help you on your journey to luscious strong locks:

Baptiste Dry Shampoo 

http://www.target.com/p/batiste-original-clean-dry-shampoo-6-7oz/-/A-16986876?sid=1328S&ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&CPNG=PLA_Health+Beauty+Shopping_Local&adgroup=SC_Health+Beauty&LID=700000001170770pgs&network=g&device=c&location=9031097&gclid=Cj0KEQjw2LjGBRDYm9jj5JSxiJcBEiQAwKWAC_UgwoDwE62TvYXs24jOe0CZSQyoPgh4pZYHDo9dZ0QaAmmx8P8HAQ&gclsrc=aw.ds

Renpure Coconut Whipped Creme Leave-In Conditioner (I rub a dime amount of this product into my locks after washing my hair)

http://www.target.com/p/renpure-coconut-whipped-creme-leave-in-conditioner-16-0-fl-oz/-/A-51002132?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&CPNG=PLA_Health+Beauty+Shopping&adgroup=SC_Health+Beauty&LID=700000001170770pgs&network=g&device=c&location=9031097&gclid=Cj0KEQjw2LjGBRDYm9jj5JSxiJcBEiQAwKWAC1Y2yPCyjHLNtNMlmKI9qW6hmvCBHozjardcZ4x2fH8aAlIW8P8HAQ&gclsrc=aw.ds

THE HOLY GRAIL BRUSH: Wet Brush Shine

http://www.target.com/p/wet-brush-shine/-/A-51524475

xx, Bri.

Budget Buzz: Why You’re Broke AF

Listen, I get it. I LOVE me some good Italian food, the atmosphere, the service, the fine dining. I can’t help but spend last least $20 on sushi because let’s be real: who TF gets only one roll? It’s real hard to resist. I’m also an avid goer for Taco Tuesdays and I love me some late night Taco Bell...

...God, I know what you’re thinking. That last part probably sounded disgusting to half of you. I love Taco Bell and I’m not ashamed. HOWEVER, I like to budget myself because no matter how cheap a quick run to Taco Bell or In n’ Out may seem or just ONE day of Taco Tuesday, it all adds up. I’m telling ya. I looked at my checking account last month and automatically thought WTF have i been spending my money on? Well, folks, “only” going out to eat on weekends and doing little runs here and there for my midnight munches KILLS your budget. You probably already know this, that you spend too much goddamn money on food, but don’t worry if you’re broke AF from it. Everyone is and everyone needs help when it comes to budgeting because let’s be real: we all love food and WE AIN’T GETTING RID OF IT.

So, I’m not saying you have to ban all these little expenditures or eating out on weekends, but you sure as hell need to limit yourself, have a meal plan, and ACTUALLY STICK TO IT. That’s the key. Consistency. So far, I’ve created a meal plan that has actually helped me save money for the past month, and you may not think cutting back and limiting will make THAT much of a difference, but try this and TRUST. You will thank me (and possibly save up to $300/400 a month)! That’s a Coachella ticket. Yay money! 

Meal Prep on Sundays. Yes, it can take up to an hour or two, but you can multitask like do your laundry or study while you’re prepping. I meal prep 5 lunches and 5 dinners to last me Monday through Friday and just buy fruit that’s super easy to take and go on the way to class or work. F*ck a $8 salad from work or school. You can buy packs of containers for meal prepping at your local grocery market or for cheap at Target. This not only saves you money (up to almost $50/week, but it also saves you TIME, time that could be spent studying, working, going to that yoga class or catching up on the Bachelor) Let’s say with this tactic, you spend about $50 on food to last you up to Friday. That’s about $10/day that covers every meal. That’s a steal

Allow yourself 2 Dining-Out meals a week. (Let’s just say both meals end up being $20 each because you just HAD to go on that sushi date and couldn’t pass up a girls night dining with friends at that really trendy brewery or cafe, I get it, it happens) Put aside $40 for dining out per week.

Cooking at home can be a lot more fun than dining out. When you go out, you HAVE to tip. Don’t be a d*ck. I know we all don’t want to spend that extra $$ but we have to when dining out. That adds up, too. Cooking at home is so much cheaper, easier and can be really fun if you do it with friends or your significant other! My boyfriend and I usually cook on the weekends and we are both lovers of Italian food so we end up cooking pasta, which also works out for us financially because pasta is so damn CHEAP. A whole meal for the both of us ends up being barely $10 and it lasts us up to 2 dinners. Think about it. Pasta noodles from Trader Joe’s are barely $2, Sauce is like $3 and meatballs or veggies end up being barely $5. That’s $10 for the both of you AND lasts you both 2 meals. Easy, fast, cheap as f*ck AND romantic.

Oh, and one last tip: SAVE IT FOR LATER AND DRINK SOME WATER. I’m one hungry gal, but I have definitely learned how to not over eat and see a HUGE meal as an opportunity to last me another. Most of the time I dine out, they give large ass portions. I always make sure to drink a glass of water before I eat because half the time we don’t even know that we’re dehydrated or feeling fatigued from lack of water, but drinking a glass of water before a meal also helps your digestive system. This also helps you feel more satisfied and helps you NOT over eat. If it get a burrito or sammie, I ask for it to be cut in half. If it’s pasta. I eat about half the plate. It’s really not that hard AND it takes up to 10 minutes for your body to digest and your stomach to send the message to your brain than you’re satisfied. So, drink a glass of water before eating and only eat half the meal. If you wait 10 minutes and still are starving, by all means eat your little heart out. But, it doesn’t hurt to see a $15 largely positioned meal as something that can last you another meal. Yay for saving!

Those are some of my helpful tips and I saved about $300 the whole month on not going out to eat and meal prepping instead. I also don’t buy a coffee because I invested in a Keurig so that saves me about $5/day. To my coffee gals: Keurigs are life. 

Anyways, hope this inspires some of you or even helps you save $$ for that new jacket, vacuum trip you’ve been planning for months or even that Coachella ticket! Spend it wisely!

xx, Bri.

Moments on Abbot Kinney

Nestled on the corner of Venice Beach in LA lies the cutest little boulevard known as Abbot Kinney. 

Spending the last few moments of Winter Break and not trying to break the bank, this little avenue has a variety of super chic boutiques, galleries, coffee shops and cafes as well as walls of artwork that satisfied my need for a little adventure! Many of the boutiques here are extremely pricey, which made great for window shopping and closet ideas! There were also many garden, home decor and stationary shops along the avenue that also served for great decoration ideas! Needless to say, the avenue itself was my dream pinterest board.

Here are some little moments captured!

The Butcher’s Daughter! A vegetarian and gluten-free cafe. Picture above: The Surfer’s Burrito (so filling and so good!)

*heart melts* The art gallery here had their office dog, Lincoln, present that day!

One of the many fashionable boutiques for men, but this one was my favorite featuring frat shorts and flamingos!

P.S. Venice Beach is right around the corner from here, so there’s lots more to do after walking down the ave. (but, you should probably bring a change of shoes because booties don’t feel too great walking all day in the sand!)

xx. Bri

The Messy Lob

Only a couple days ago, I was bold enough to chop off my hair to my shoulders. Most guys reading would probably read that and think “so what?”, but I’m sure to most of my lady friends, chopping your once long layered and thick hair to a very short “lob” as we now call it, seems traumatizing and a big “NO”. As I’m sure many women who read this can relate, I haven’t had my hair this short since i was 5 years old and my grandma used to cut my hair into the famous “bowl cut”. Maybe this look will once again be “in”, but it is as horrendous as it was back then. I never dreamed of cutting my hair short EVER again. 

Here’s a fun little story:

4 months ago, I got really sick of my split-ended, overgrown, dried out, over-processed strands and decided to cut my hair myself with MEAT SCISSORS. Yes, you read that correctly, meat scissors. (They were the only pair of scissors I could find in my apartment). As horrendous as that sounds, a very blunt cut didn’t look too shabby or uneven. I know, you’re probably shaking your head in disbelief or dismay, but I promise it felt so liberating and like I had cut all of the stress from school out of my life (for a short moment). Eventually, I went to the salon and had it cut, but the lady forgot to layer the entire back of my head and just layered the front. Soon I HAD to find a new hairdresser ASAP, since the only one I trusted was back home in the Bay Area. Soon enough, I found the Static Salon on Bellflower in Long Beach, CA. and let me just say, everything about this salon I just immediately fell in love with. It wasn’t just the rustic, minimalistic interior which was very aesthetically pleasing, but my hairdresser, Wendy, was extremely friendly, asked what I wanted and how I wanted it, and while cutting, she also asked if the length was okay or if I wanted to go shorter. THANK THE HAIR GODS I found this little gem (both Wendy and the salon) just about a mile away from my home. 

So, here’s the beauteous cut I envisioned and desired that was beautifully executed, and let me tell you, short hair is great and right now, it’s IN:

“Shaggy Lob. long and face-framing in the front, layered in the back”

xx. Bri

(FREE) MOCA-The Museum of Contemporary Art

Okay, I know the title above says “FREE” in caps, but admission is only free on Thursdays from 5pm-8pm. I know this may sound disappointing, but the general admission is actually only $12/adult and only $9 if you’re a student! These are generally really great deals for museum admission for such a fine art gallery!

Nestled, in the heart of downtown LA, the museum is located on Grande Ave. and is conveniently surrounded by modern restaurants, coffee shops, book stores and more art museums and galleries! 

I’ve been to numerous art museums in San Francisco, LA county and San Diego, but I appreciated this museum a little more (probably because it was free) but mostly because I personally favor contemporary art. Interestingly enough, the museum itself takes you through a timeline from the 1940s to the 80s and several tours are offered. However, you don’t need a tour guide to really understand a piece. Each piece is up to your interpretation of it! Of course most artists have a goal of evoking some kind of emotion or really send a message, but what I love most about contemporary art is that each piece in this museum speaks to you in its own way. Three pieces I walked by (pictured in this post) were some of my favorites, while my boyfriend, on the other hand, didn’t even remember walking by those. Certain pieces really stand out to you. Some don’t. Some pieces made my boyfriend feel hopeful, while I found those same pieces to be disturbing. The beauty of these pieces is that each speaks out to all different kinds of personalities!

Needless to say, paying the full price admission is more than worth the experience and I highly recommend it for all people (even the non-art lovers) because you may be surprised at what speaks out to you!

xx, Bri.