emisprocrastinatingbywriting - Tumblr blog

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 6 days

Text

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 7 Summary:

Two weeks after your heat and Joel Miller remained by your side constantly but refused to touch you. Promises are made but after an outburst, can Joel finally open up to you?

Warnings: Past Trauma, Minor Injuries, Angst and Fluff, Smut, Reader & Joel need hugs fr, Local middle aged man tries to open up, Fluffiness overload, Joel gets injured.

A/N: I'm back! Third year at uni is in the bag but exams almost killed me. It's a long one so buckle up for more backstory on the reader, more loverboy Joel and painful confessions. Fluff and smut galore, as always. Warning that some of reader's memories include physical assault and Joel dives into some of his trauma. Take care of yourselves as always!

Chapter 7/20

Chapter 7: Home

“Bring her around back, I want to talk to her.”

A pair of arms wrapped around you and hauled you out of the trunk. A dull throb was pulsing behind your eyes as the guard threw you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Blood dripped from your face and you watched through bleary eyes as it splattered against the back of the guard’s coat.

Two months. Two fucking months of being free, and they had found you because of a mistake. After a month of keeping fires low, slinking around the outskirts of towns and leaving no traces behind, you had been lulled into a sense of comfort. Escaping Paul had been the easy part, traveling alone as an unmated omega was the hard part. After too many close calls with roving bands of raiders that picked through the wreckage of the world for anything they could steal, or anyone, you decided that cities were not for you.

After walking for days along a cracked interstate with nothing but trees to keep you company, you came across a weathered town that looked like it had been dilapidated long before the outbreak. Most of the buildings were barely standing, years of neglect making them shake and shiver in the wind. You walked for nearly an hour before you found a structure that didn’t look like it was going to be torn down by the next rainstorm.

Sat at the very edge of town, away from the main road and any of the residential buildings was a small diner that looked frozen in time. As you pushed open the front door, the bell that hung over it announced your entry. Freezing for a moment with your ears peeled for any indication of danger, the dust covered space greeted you with silence. You relaxed and crept slowly through the diner.

The checkered floors and leather booths reminded you of the Archie comics that your dad used to keep in the bathroom before the outbreak. It was a little run down, with dusty windows and peeling pink paint on the walls, but you loved it. You swept the building for any infected that could be lurking in the shadows, hands shaking as you braced for a stalker to attack. However, you found that your only company was a lonely skeleton in the back office. The shotgun was still propped between their knees and a jagged hole glared at you from the back of the stranger’s head. You winced at the brutal scene, quietly apologizing to the stranger as you eased the gun from their grasp.

The gun felt weird in your hands, too long and heavy with your only previous experience in shooting being a handgun. Still, dodging infected and raiders for the last month with nothing but a hunting knife had been close to impossible. You thought of your close calls. You thought of the shoe you had left behind in a department store after barely managing to squirm out of the grasp of an attacker. You thought of the night you had spent hidden in a vent while a ruthless group of alphas grew progressively angrier as they tried, and failed, to sniff you out. Suddenly the unwieldy 12 gauge felt like a luxury compared to your inevitable fate without it. As gently as you could, you flicked the safety on and placed it on the desk before looking around.

The office itself had clearly doubled as the stranger’s hideaway after the outbreak, with a cot left still unmade and jugs of water left from the previous occupant. The kitchen was still mostly stocked and had semi salvageable expired cans of food left on the shelves. Cobwebs caught in your hair as you moved through the place. The front windows were cloaked in dirt and overgrown shrubbery, effectively shrouding the inside of the dining room from prying eyes. After a month of constant running, this place felt like a sign that you were finally safe from the place you had once called home. You were free.

The month you spent living in the abandoned diner was the first time you felt like yourself. Days were spent pilfering through the abandoned town for anything of use, trading the modest clothes you escaped in for more breathable fabrics. After tossing the old outfit, you managed to get lucky finding some more shells for your gun, some soap and even a pair of boots that could replace your threadbare sneakers. Despite the growing pile of treasures in the tiny office, the real winner was the stash of smutty romances you stumbled upon.

The banned books that Jake had slipped to you back at camp were nothing compared to these. After two weeks, you had already burned through at least six. The best one, in your opinion, was the one with the handsome, older crime boss who finds a lonely bookkeeper and whisks her off into his chaotic life. After your second time rereading the story you decided it was time to pick up a hobby that wasn’t going to throw you into a heat.

You were unsure if Paul or Josiah were still looking for you but they were not the only threat. After some deliberation, you decided it was time to brush up on your self defense. For the next few days you jabbed and sliced at the air with your knife, trying to perfect your form in case any raider jumped out at you. With that perfected, you moved on to practicing your shot.

The first attempt was rough, the force from it nearly knocking you over, but you kept at it. Before long, trees, buildings, mailboxes and stop signs all became your targets. You walked freely through town with a gun in your hands and nobody to answer to. It made you feel powerful. A stupid feeling to have in hindsight.

Two months of dodging your fate ended with one of Josiah’s men taking you by surprise. The moment you returned from a stroll through town, the nameless alpha had slammed the but of a rifle into your nose. You tried to reach for the shotgun but it was kicked away, after which a boot entered your field of vision and knocked you unconscious. A bump in the road had awoken you in the trunk. After a cramped ride where you tried to not pass out from the pain in your skull, you were finally back home.

You could only assume that what you were being carried towards was your own dramatic execution. Josiah’s future words rang in your ears as you imagined him declaring that no one, not even family, was above his word. You imagined the tightness of your mother’s features as they hung you and hoped Rachel knew enough to keep Miriam away. She would be kicking and screaming at the guards. You could see it all so clearly and it didn’t even scare you anymore. In this world, there were worse fates. At least you had tasted freedom for a moment.

The wind was knocked out of you as the guard dumped you onto the ground. You groaned, a sharp sting growing on your side as you tried to get your bearings. Before you could place yourself, a large hand came down and wrenched your head backwards. Tears formed in your eyes from the sting in your scalp and you struggled to focus your bleary eyes.

“Welcome back Angel, you’ve been missed.”

As the fogginess in your vision dissipated, Paul’s pale face appeared with his thin lips pulled into a sinister grin. His blue eyes raked over your figure as you struggled weakly, amusement and sick lust making him smile wider. Paul tightened his grip and you winced. At that moment, you hated him so much for everything he had done and hated him even more for everything he was bound to do. Before you could even think about it, a wad of spit flew from your mouth and landed on his pale cheek.

Paul cussed and you laughed in his spit soaked face as it shifted into something much darker. In an instant he slammed your body down to the ground. Your skull thumped back against the earth and your ears started to ring. A groan bubbling up from your throat was cut off as Paul wrapped his hands around your neck. His eyes were cold in comparison to the sick pleasure portrayed on his face. You used every bit of strength to fight him off but it was no use. Paul laughed and leaned over you, his face inches from yours as he spoke.

“You know, if it was anyone else I would have let it go. But you,” your eyes bulged as his grip tightened, “You’re different. Sneaky, mouthy, and such a fucking tease. I knew you needed a strong alpha like me to train you, someone who wouldn’t spare the rod on your entitled ass.”

Despite the dots speckling the corners of your vision, you fought him as hard as you could. The smacks to his arms and chest got progressively weaker as your body succumbed to his grip around your neck. Your chest burned with the need for air, but you tried desperately to stay awake for as long as you could. This is it, you thought, this is how I’m going to die.

Just before the lack of oxygen finally took you under, Paul leaned down and whispered in your ear, “It’s okay Angel, you’ll be mine soon enough.”

A cry echoed in the quiet room. Your heart raced painfully in your chest, making it nearly impossible to breathe as you choked down sobs. The walls shrunk around you and the need to flee your surroundings suddenly became overwhelming.

As you moved to get up, a heavy weight across your chest stopped you. Terror pierced your racing heart as the warm object pinned you to the sheets. Paul’s grip on your neck still lurked in the corners of your mind and you started to thrash against the weight. A masculine grunt came from your left and you screeched, wrestling your way out from under the stranger. Clumsily, you dropped onto the floor and rolled away, scuttling back until your shoulder blades hit the wall.

“Darling? Wha - Hey, where’d you go?”

Your eyes snapped back up to the bed and the memory you were trapped in moments before began to slink away. A shaky sigh escaped your lips at the sight of a very groggy and confused looking Joel. He blinked down at you as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Joel’s curls were adorably flattened on one side of his head, meanwhile the other side looked like he had suffered an electrical shock. You sighed at the sight. The softness he exuded in the mornings suited him. You smiled weakly at him and his eyes narrowed at your trembling form against the wall.

Slowly, like a hunter trying not to scare a wobbly deer, Joel eased himself onto the floor. You tried to focus on tracing the scars on his burly chest with your eyes, unwilling to look at him head on as he knelt before you. Joel cupped your face, his rough hands making you hum as he tried to tilt your face towards him. After a few moments of dodging eye contact, you relented and slid your gaze up to meet his.

“Baby,” was all he said before you immediately broke down.

Joel shushed you as you burrowed your face into his neck, crying against his skin as he leaned back against the side of the bed. Gingerly, he pulled you onto his lap and wrapped his strong arms around you. He began to rub soothing circles against your hips, letting you snuffle at his musk as he whispered sweet nothings. You cried and Joel held you, pulling you back into his embrace each time you tried to pull away prematurely. After the third time that you tried to pull away from him, he snapped.

“God dammit honey, just cry. I won’t judge ya, just stop pulling away for Christ’s sake.”

You laughed at his words. It was like Joel knew you better than you knew yourself, like he knew that you had always had to be strong. He wanted you to be soft with him and so you let yourself cry. After a few minutes of sobbing against him, the shaking slowly ceased as the dream receded from your mind.

“Had another dream huh?” Joel asked quietly.

He sighed at your silent nod.

The dreams were a new addition to your night and they had taken a toll. After your heat had petered out, his rut had followed. You were worried at first, scared that he would retreat back to his place on the couch and pretend that nothing had happened. Joel had said he loved you during his rut, but he couldn’t have meant it. Right? The fear of losing him had plagued your mind the first morning. However, after a mere ten minutes of needless worrying, you were pleasantly surprised by a kiss dropped into your hair at breakfast.

“No oatmeal, as requested darling,” was murmured against your bedhead as Joel placed the plate in front of you.

Once you had bugged him about his promise that you could help out, the two of you had cleaned up in peaceful silence. Joel seemed to be in good spirits, even rolling his eyes when you whipped him with a towel halfway through the task. Despite the stern look on his face, you could see the small smile that pulled at the corners of his lips. The first night after your heat with Joel was perfect. With the burning need that raged through your bodies finally quelled, the two of you had slept soundly in each other’s arms.

It was the second night that a nightmare about Paul jerked you from sleep. Despite Joel’s vehement assurances, you were mortified at the memory. He had woken up that night to you kicking and screaming at him. As you fought against him, he had expertly rolled the two of you over and caged you in. Joel was patient that night, using gentle words to coax you back to reality until you were crying in his arms.

After that first nightmare, two weeks passed and every night the memory of Paul would come back to haunt you. The recurring dreams made you dread sleep. Each night, you tried everything to ignore the urge to rest. You read, you tried and failed to play guitar, you drew terrible caricatures that made Joel laugh, and you even risked his wrath by asking him about his past. Unfortunately for you, Joel had learned how to dodge your questions and began to take that as a cue that you needed to sleep. You tried to evade it but eventually he dragged you to bed, no matter how many probing questions you sent his way.

With two weeks gone, nothing had changed. Paul appeared each night to torment you and Joel comforted you afterwards. You felt guilty but he refused to accept any apology.

“S’not real darling. You’re here, you’re with me. I gotcha baby,” Joel crooned as you tried to match his steady breaths.

The shakes slowly petered out and you sighed, kissing his shoulder in thanks before you leaned back to look at him. Joel’s face nearly always remained schooled but his emotions were plain as day in his eyes. Worry, sadness, anger, and love, all danced in the pools of brown as they raked over your figure.

“It was him again, from when they caught me. He was choking me and no matter how hard I -,” you stopped and shook your head before the sobs started again.

There were a few other memories that had resurfaced in the past two weeks but that was the only one that came back consistently. Joel had listened to your account of the memory in full the first night it appeared, and you watched as he tried not to burst the blood vessel in his forehead. Rage poured off of him and soured his comforting scent, pulling a whine from you that forced him to soften his anger. He had remained soft every night since.

Joel pulled you from your thoughts as his forehead knocked against yours gently. You closed your eyes, breathing the same air as him for a moment as he brushed his hands up and down your sides. The warmth that radiated off of his skin eased the chill of the early morning and you sunk further into his lap as Joel tried to gather his words.

“I know that… I’ve… Well, you know after Sarah, there were a lot of nights where… Fuck… And with El- no… Shit honey, m’sorry, I’m real bad at this.”

You giggled and Joel huffed a laugh before he tried again.

“Memories have a bad habit of chasing you. And I’ve deserved mine for everything I- … Well, anyways, I know how it feels to have dreams make you feel like you did when they happened, but they’re not real. Not anymore, even if it feels like it,” he said.

Without opening your eyes, you asked quietly, “What happened to yours? Will my… Do they ever go away?”

Joel stiffened for a moment and you winced, rubbing your face against his neck until you felt him slowly relax again. His rut had certainly forced him to be vulnerable with you and after it was over, Joel tried hard to not close himself off again entirely. Whether it be through fleeting kisses or soft words, Joel Miller was trying for you, even though you could tell it was hard for him. It made you love him all the more.

“Honestly I don’t know. I had them every night before we… Well -,” he cleared his throat, “- before we - er - got together. But now I - I don’t know. They’re just gone. Maybe they’ll come back one day. I hope not, but who knows.”

You snorted.

“You have literally knotted me and you can’t bring yourself to say that we fucked? I can. We fucked. Easy as that, see?,” you jabbed.

Joel rolled his eyes and leaned forward to bite playfully at your shoulder as you squealed.

He tsked, “Tryin’ to be a gentleman here darling. Christ, you’ve got some mouth on ya.”

You laughed at his words and Joel smiled at your change in demeanor before you grew serious once more.

“I really hope my dreams go away too,” you whispered.

Joel made a sympathetic noise as you sat there sullenly, carding your fingers through the salt and pepper hair that covered his chest as you tried to blink away tears. Before you could sink too far into yourself, he snatched one of your hands from his chest and brought it to his lips. The small act made you forget the misery that panged in your heart and you smiled at him.

“Made you something,” he murmured.

Excitement rushed through you and you perked up. Joel laughed and lifted you back onto the bed, placing you gently on the soft sheets before he moved to get up. Before he could escape, you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him. Joel let out a surprised noise as your lips met his, freezing for a millisecond before he leaned in.

One calloused hand pushed you forward by the small of your back while the other held your neck in place. His tongue ran along the seam of your lips and you moaned, granting him access to your mouth. You whined at the heat that radiated off of Joel, all you could think about was how his warm body felt against your own while he slammed into you. Need crept up from your core, different from the need you experienced during your heat but no less demanding.

Before the two of you could get too carried away, Joel broke the kiss abruptly. His cheeks were dusted with pink and his lips were swollen. A string of spit connected your lips as you parted and you whined at the sight. You watched as Joel’s dilated pupils looked down at your lips, his irises slivers around the all consuming black that sent shivers down your spine.

You wanted this. You wanted him so badly that you could hardly think but as you moved to lean in once more, Joel cleared his throat and stood up. The whine that left you was embarrassing but you didn’t care, and it seemed neither did he. Without another word, he leaned down once more, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek before he stood up.

“Just gotta go get it, one sec.”

Joel spun on his heel and waltzed out of the room, leaving you with wetness gathering between your legs. You tried not to be annoyed but it was hard. He had been more open in his feelings for you since his rut but kept his body off limits.

After days of his tongue, fingers and cock making you cum until drool dripped from the corners of your mouth, he cruelly shut off the tap. It was frustrating, but you tried to make due with the sweet words and heated makeouts. It was better than nothing. You needed Joel in any way he would have you, which made you feel progressively more pathetic each time he rejected you but you ignored the sting in hopes that he would break someday.

Joel interrupted your sulking as he came back into the room. He cautiously stepped forwards and smiled nervously. You swallowed a laugh at the alpha’s boyish demeanor as he stopped in front of you. Joel sighed and thrusted the gift out from behind his back.

“It’s not much darling but I - Well, I don’t know. I just think that if we had met before the outbreak I would’ve gotten you flowers. But I mean, I can’t just go to the store anymore so I don’t know, I made this,” he explained shyly.

In his hand was a wooden carving. It was not unlike the carvings that adorned the living room, except this one was delicate. It was a rose made of a light colored wood with petals carved to perfection. They bloomed outward from a skinny stem that was adorned with two small leaves. You gasped and took it from him, twirling the gift in your hand before you spied small lettering under one of the leaves. In careful lines, he had carved a small I love you.

Joel cleared his throat and you looked up. His jaw was set with his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides as he analyzed your reaction. You opened your mouth to praise his gift when he suddenly reached out and tried to snatch it back.

“Joel!,” you admonished, slapping his hands away.

“S’nothing darling. I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea. You don’t need to guard my feelings, it’s a dumb gift. Barely even a gift really,” Joel rushed out as his cheeks reddened with embarrassment.

After placing the gift down on the bed, you crawled over to the edge and rose to place your hands on his cheeks. His dark eyes snapped to yours, breath catching in his throat as you pressed a soft peck to his lips.

“I love it Joel. I haven’t been given a lot of gifts but that one is definitely my favorite. Thank you. And, um hello? You can’t just give me a gift and then take it back. That’s like against the rules or something. I love it. I love YOU,” you chided.

A small smile bloomed on Joel’s face and he looked away, scuffing his feet against the floor for a moment before he looked back up at you. The redness in his cheeks grew as his teeth worried his bottom lip, guarding the goofy grin that threatened to break out on his face at your praise.

“Well alright then baby, m’glad you like it,” Joel murmured, leaning forward to brush his mouth against yours.

Jumping at the chance, you dove into him again. You pressed the front of your body against Joel’s as your lips met. He groaned and placed his rough hands on your hips, yanking you into him as his tongue mingled with yours. Heart pounding in your ears, your shaky hands tugged at Joel’s soft curls and drifted down his abdomen. Just as you reached his belly button he stopped and pulled back. A pinched groan rattled your chest as he placed his forehead against yours again.

“Dunno if it was worthy of THAT big of a thanks baby,” he chuckled.

You giggled and nipped at the scruff on his jaw as you whispered, “Maybe not, but what if I want you to fuck me anyways?”

Joel groaned as you worried the skin on his neck between your teeth, the action making his hips twitch forward on impulse. You felt his resolve slipping and you pulled back, eyes full of longing as you waited for him to do something. Anything.

“Darling I -,” Joel halted and sucked his teeth.

He stared at your lips for a moment, seemingly at war with himself while you squirmed before him. The impatient whine that rang out seemed to sober him and Joel sighed.

“I should get to making us some breakfast. Can’t have you starving on me when we’ve got chores to be getting to.”

Joel raised your hands to his lips and kissed the backs of them. He ignored your groan, leaving you high and dry on the bed for a second time that morning as he practically jogged out of the room. You sat there slack jawed and frustrated, staring at his hulking frame as he scampered down the hallway.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you scoffed.

A booming laugh echoed from the end of the hall and you cussed. You hadn’t meant for your distress to be that loud but your desperation for Joel had loosened your lips. Sighing, you slipped from the warm sheets.

Save for the undergarments and pants, the clothes that Joel had originally intended to be yours were all but abandoned. Instead, you found yourself in one of Joel’s sweaters or shirts constantly. You loved it and he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, his eyes had lit up the first time you came out in his clothes and continued to since. Plus, the act of wearing his things was like a cheap replacement to the mark you hoped he would one day claim you with.

A chill ran down your spine from the frigid air and you threw one of his flannels over a pair of jeans, tucking the excess fabric into the waistline to keep it from swallowing you whole. You weren’t tiny by any means, but Joel’s broadness meant that his shirts were practically dresses on you. After you shoved your feet into some knit socks, you combed through the knots in your hair. Looking into the mirror, you sighed at your appearance and cursed the outbreak for leaving you without beauty products. Prodding at your hair only seemed to anger the unruly strands so you gave up and turned away from the bedroom.

As you padded into the kitchen, the savory smell of Joel’s cooking wafted in the air. He stood at the stove, humming an unfamiliar tune as he stirred the leftover stew in the pot. He turned and smiled, nodding towards the mug of steaming tea that he left on the counter for you. Shrugging off your thanks, he turned back to the stove.

You eyed the muscles in his strong back flex as he stirred for a moment before you crept up behind him. He chuckled as your arms wrapped his midsection, burrowing your face into his shirt to huff at the deep aroma of sandalwood and bergamot. It tickled your nostrils as you breathed in deeply, making you hum as you swayed against him. Joel squeezed your hand and swayed with you for a moment.

“How ‘bout you get the table set and I’ll finish up?,” Joel asked.

You sighed, giving him one last tight squeeze before you let go and moved towards the cutlery. The front end of the cabin was bursting with light as you strolled towards the table. The morning light shone down on the scuffed wood as you placed the cutlery. Your mind wandered as you worked.

It was the same scuffed wood that had rubbed against your front as Joel had fucked you stupid two weeks prior. The thought of it made you smirk as you remembered his animalistic thrusts. The both of you had been so desperate for each other and now the lust in Joel was just gone. You tried not to dwell on the loss, instead focusing on the thought of him slapping your pussy and forcing you into a mind breaking orgasm as you tried not to cry.

Joel interrupted your thoughts as he emerged from the kitchen with two steaming bowls of food. Picking up on your heated expression immediately, Joel’s eyes darted between the table and you before he chuckled. He shook his head at you, giving you a playfully stern look as he placed breakfast down on the table. You gave him a nervous smile as he pulled out your chair and leaned down to kiss the top of your head. The small act of pulling out your chair was something that he had taken to doing every day, but it never failed to make you blush.

The meal was shared in comfortable silence. His foot knocked against yours and you knocked him back. After one too many nudges, Joel reached down and grabbed your ankle, playfully yanking you forward off your seat.You yelped and dropped the spoon that was halfway to your mouth as you grabbed the edge of the chair to keep your ass on the seat. Joel looked very pleased at the shock on your face as he returned to his food.

“Alright, now eat. We’ve got some chores to finish before the day gets too gone,” he chuckled, placing your foot back on the ground before he moved to shovel stew into his mouth.

You poked him with your foot one last time and giggled at his pointed look before you returned to your breakfast.

- Joel -

Joel watched as the wind ruffled your hair, the sunlight accentuating the high points of your cheekbones as you stooped down towards the river. He tried not to stare but he couldn’t help it.

He was enamored with how you moved and how carefully you treated everything you touched.

Even him, the man that had burned Salt Lake City to the ground with his bare hands. The man that poisoned everything he touched. You even treated him with the utmost care. It made him feel warm and wanted, as well as slightly guilty. Joel didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve you. He knew that, but his feelings for you made it all so much more complicated.

You moved to fill the bucket with water. He watched the muscles in your arms flexing as you drew it back to the surface and up over the bank. There was a part of Joel that wanted to go over and chivalrously offer his assistance but he knew you would just shoo him away. It wasn’t that he didn’t think you could lift it, he was well aware of how strong you were. It was just that he liked having someone to fuss over. It gave him purpose.

Joel sighed wistfully as he watched you stand and wipe at the sweat that covered your brow. As he watched you bend over to pick up the bucket, the breath stalled in his lungs. The jeans that you chose today did little to hide the curves that had filled out since your arrival and he cussed as he felt himself harden.

For two weeks, Joel kept away from you. The memories of your curves, your pretty moans, and your tight cunt all haunted him. Joel wanted nothing more than to stomp over and tear the bucket from your hands. He wanted to tear your pants down and pound into your wet heat right there amongst the snow until you screamed, but he refrained.

Why? That was a question Joel asked himself more and more with each passing day. He had already had you more times than he could count, with each time better than the last, but it wasn’t enough to convince him. He couldn’t do it because he needed to make things right.

Before the outbreak happened, he hadn’t dated much. When Sarah was small, she was an easy excuse. Nobody ever expected the unmated alpha to give up time with his precious pup. However, the older Sarah got, the harder it became to attribute his unwillingness to try on his increasingly independent preteen.

Joel had really tried a couple of times but it never seemed to work out. He even let Sarah and Tommy convince him to sign up for one of those god awful dating sites once but that was also a failure. Joel chalked it up to lack of chemistry or his gruffness each time, but the truth was that he simply didn’t want to sit in a dimly lit restaurant and make small talk with someone who would blanch after he told them about Sarah. He couldn’t stand anyone blanching at the thought of meeting his favorite person, it made him feel sick to his stomach.

Two years before the outbreak, after a date told him that he needed to be realistic about his prospects as an unmated alpha who already had a pup, Joel had simply stopped trying and resigned himself to commitment-free hookups. He preferred it that way anyways. He had his little girl and his idiot brother, what more could he ask for? Once the world had ended, dating and love in general vanished in his mind. It was all about survival. Any dreams of romantic interest or mating was set aside for quick fucks to keep himself from slamming his head through a wall. Nevertheless, after meeting you, Joel remembered how he used to dream about it before Sarah died.

He remembered imagining what it would be like to meet his true mate. His mind would drift off on worksites, thinking about how he might treat them while he waited out a burst of rain in his truck. Joel imagined giving his future mate flowers, opening doors and pulling out seats, giving them soft kisses at the end of a nice date.

He wanted to be the guy that did things just to make his mate smile, all while keeping his touches fleeting until the moment was perfect. That was how he was raised. That was how a gentleman would approach someone they wanted to mate. That was who you deserved. Joel wanted so badly to be that alpha for you, despite the fact that his rut had foiled part of the plan and he now spent most of his time around you hiding his raging boner. He was so close to breaking, and he knew that you were very aware of it. It drove him nuts.

When you had crawled to the end of the bed and wrapped yourself around him, dressed in nothing but his shirt and a cute pair of blue panties, he had nearly lost it. Joel had tried not to think about the slick that undoubtedly pooled in the fabric. He tried not to think about loosening you up with his tongue before driving his cock deep inside of your tight cunt. Practically keeling over with the effort, Joel had barely managed to peel himself away from you so he could scamper off to the kitchen under the guise of making breakfast.

As Joel stood before an unchecked trap in the afternoon sun, he tried to inconspicuously re-adjust himself before you had the chance to look up at him. When he agreed to let you help him with chores he didn’t think about the fact that he would have to listen to your grunts of exertion and see the sweat glistening deliciously on your body as you worked. Day in, day out, it was the sweetest form of torture. A form of torture that made him lock himself in the bathroom at the end of each day to pitifully tug at his cock in the shower, muffling his groans into his fist as he came shamefully to the thought of you.

As you approached him, Joel quickly flipped himself into the waistline of his pants and smoothed his coat over his front to hide any evidence of his arousal. The last thing he needed was to see your knowing smirk at his hard dick. It would only give you more ammo to pierce through his already weakened armor. For years Joel had gone without so much as a twitch from his cock, and now the damn thing never knew when to rest. He was powerless when it came to you.

“I’m gonna head back and shower if that’s it. Do you need any help with the trap? You’ve been standing over it for a hot minute,” you asked sweetly.

Joel’s cock throbbed painfully against the confines of his jeans at the sweet words and the way you looked up at him. The whine that clawed its way up his throat was covered in a strangled cough as he knelt down to mess with the trap. Joel felt your gaze on the back of his head but he elected to ignore it. He knew that if he looked up he would be burying his face in between your pillowy thighs in an instant.

“Yeah uh, that’s fine. M’ just gonna be another minute out here and then I’ll be in,” Joel mumbled as he prodded at the empty trap.

Joel waited for you to leave but your feet stayed rooted to the ground in front of him. With no other choice, he stood and slowly met your gaze. A line formed between the brows of your pinched face. He watched as you wrestled with your thoughts and tried not to puke from nervousness.

“You could… um… You could always join me. In the shower, I mean. If you wanted to,” you proposed.

The hopeful look on your face was too much. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Fuck yes, is what he wanted to say. But instead, Joel stood there dumbfounded as your cheeks grew redder with each second that passed. His stomach twisted as your hopeful expression fell and still, Joel said nothing. His mind screamed at him but he felt like he was locked in himself, unable to move, unable to talk, unable to think. Instead, he watched your crumpled face turn back towards home.

Joel watched you leave in silence, unsure of what to do until a breeze laced with your soured scent slapped him in the face. With his instincts screaming at him to keep you safe and cared for, he surged forward. He dropped his tools and clumsily ran after you. The muffled cries that Joel heard made him wince. He shakily reached out to touch your back, but dropped his hand when you wheeled around to face him.

Your face was red and splotchy, with tears leaking from the corners of your eyes as you frowned at him. Joel froze again. An overwhelming feeling of guilt dizzied him. He tried to think of something to say as he stood before you but words failed him.

“Are you ever going to touch me again? Or am I that horrible?,” you snapped.

He stumbled back as if you had slapped him. His mind reeled at the questions.

You sniffed, shaking your head again as you continued, “I know that I’m not what you might have wanted for yourself, I know that I’m… me. But you can’t just promise to mate me one day and then be done with me the next. Was it just the rut talking? Are you disgusted with me now? Because if so tell me or else it’s… It’s mean Joel! You’re being mean to me.”

The words hit slammed into Joel’s chest like a ton of bricks. Pain nipped at his heart and he roughly yanked your face towards his. He searched your eyes as he tried to comprehend how you could possibly think he felt that way.

“Baby, I love you because you’re you. You’re everything I could have hoped for. I just haven’t hoped for anything in a long time sweetheart, so I ain’t great at it. But all I do, day in and day out, is think about you and how good you look in my bed,” he urged, thumb coming down to trace over your lip as it trembled.

“Then, why -,” you started to ask, only to be cut off by Joel’s rushed words.

“Because! I - shit honey. I wanted to do this right, I wanted to treat you like a lady - my lady. I know we already… fucked, as you worded it but you deserve a gentleman. Someone to treat you with respect, someone to court you and all that before claimin ya,” he said, the words strained and clumsy.

You stared at him silently as Joel’s eyes searched yours for any sign of understanding. Just as he opened his mouth to keep going, he was cut off by laughter. His brow furrowed in confusion as you chuckled in front of him.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me Joel,” you wheezed in between shaky breaths.

Joel gawked at your reaction.

“What is this? Is it 1847? Are you gonna ask my father for my hand? Gonna make him pay a dowry to you? Gonna mount me in front of the whole wedding party to make sure the bond is consummated?,” you teased.

Joel scoffed and placed his hands on his hips. Cocking his hip out, his lips came together in a tight line to keep his annoyance at bay. He knew you couldn’t possibly understand what it was like before so he kept his snarky words to himself. When Joel looked up, the previous laughter turned into a sweet grin and he melted. Your arms wrapped around his neck, effectively shutting off his brain as his senses were overwhelmed by you.

“Joel, I get what you’re trying to do but there’s no need. You’re good to me everyday. I’ve never had anyone love me like you do. But I just… I miss you and you’re right in front of me. Don’t you miss me daddy?,” you asked, the last part coy as your eyes twinkled with mischief.

He choked on his spit and coughed as your fingers tugged at the curls on the back of his neck. Joel closed his eyes and groaned with every ounce of restraint leaving his body. He felt as one of your hands moved from his hair and dragged down the softness of his abdomen. The hand grasped his belt buckle, pulling his hips flush with your own. Joel’s eyes snapped open and he growled as your fingers inched along his waistline.

“Fuck it,” Joel sighed as he threw you over his shoulder.

- You -

You squealed as Joel’s rough hand swatted your ass. His strides were long and determined as he moved through the trees. He ignored the way you giggled and begged him to put you down. The daddy card was a cheap card to play but you knew it would work.

“Just HAD to say that,” he griped, “Tryna do something nice for ya darling, tryna treat you right. But all you want is for me to treat you like my little slut, is that it? Need my cock in you that fucking bad huh?”

His dirty words made you squirm and moan. The squirms earned you another quick slap to your ass as Joel reached the stairs to the cabin and took them two at a time. The door was practically ripped off of its hinges on the way in from the force of his pull. You gasped at his strength, half turned on by the spectacle and half pissed that he would risk tearing the door off the cabin in the middle of winter.

“Joel!,” you meekly scolded through a thick cloud of arousal.

He didn’t answer you. Instead, Joel simply smacked your ass once more before he slammed it closed. His determined strides reached the bedroom in seconds and he tossed you on to the bed. You bounced against the mattress from the force of his throw and scrambled to position yourself in a more alluring way. Anticipation boiled in your gut, and you watched as his eyes zeroed in on the wet spot on your panties.

“Strip and lay down on the bed,” his gruff voice demanded.

You paused for a moment. His quick shift from caring mate to domineering alpha both excited and dizzied you. All Joel had to do was give you a pointed look and you sprung into action, clumsily tearing off of your clothes under his stare. He smirked, slowly taking off his leather belt and unbuttoning his flannel as he watched your desperate movements.

After kicking the panties off, you laid back against the cool sheets and tried not to lose your mind. Joel shrugged off his flannel, letting it fall to the floor before he unzipped his jeans. Your mouth watered at the sizeable bulge in his boxers that peaked out from his pants as he stalked around the bed. Joel reached down and softly moved errant strands of hair from your face. The smile that he gave you as you nuzzled his hand made your chest ache.

“Sweet girl,” he praised quietly.

Joel leaned down and kissed your forehead, letting his lips linger before he grabbed both of your hands. You whined as you realized the purpose of the belt. Need rushed through you, slick starting to stick to your inner thighs as Joel expertly wrapped the leather around your wrists. He stopped, kissing both of them softly before he secured them to the headboard. He quickly checked the hold, making sure they weren’t too tight before he loomed over you.

“If they are too tight or if you want to stop, just let me know m’kay? Want to make you feel so good honey,” Joel drawled as he left a soft peck on the tip of your nose.

Blushing at him, you nodded enthusiastically at his words. He smiled and moved to stand at the end of the bed as you squirmed. Joel reached down and pulled your legs apart, his ravenous gaze trained on the slick that dripped onto the sheets. Your face burned at his unflinching gaze. Suddenly overwhelmed by the attention, you tried to snap your legs closed but Joel stopped you.

“Don’t you dare hide from me sweetheart. You’re fucking perfect,” he chastised as he eased your legs back apart.

A strained moan came from Joel at the sight of you laid bare. One of his hands moved to palm his cock through his boxers. Joel pulled himself from the confines of his jeans and your cunt clenched around nothing. The sight of his cock made you yank at the restraints again as he slowly dragged his hand up and down his length.

“What baby? See something you like?”

You nodded, giving Joel the best puppy dog eyes that you possibly could as he tugged at his length. He indulged the sight of your desperate state before he let his cock go, reaching forward to coast his hands over your thighs as they shook. Your hips rose slightly from the bed and he forced you back sharply.

“Use your words,” Joel snapped.

The harshness of his words broke you.

“You! Please, I can’t go any longer. I need it, need you too fuck me so bad” you cried.

Joel dove in between your legs, kissing and biting his way up your right leg as you groaned. His teeth reddened the delicate skin on the inside of your thigh. The marks he left would undoubtedly turn to bruises later and you loved it. He stopped just before the crease in your thigh, allowing his breath fan out over your glistening lips as your clit twitched. Your breath caught in your throat and you silently willed him to lean forward. Joel licked his lips, staring at your seam hungrily for another moment before he turned to kiss up your other leg.

“Ugh, please! Just fucking touch me, I can’t - shit, please Joel,” you whined, kicking your feet as Joel chuckled darkly against your skin.

“I am touchin ya darling. Dunno whatcha mean,” he drawled, lips brushing against your skin with every syllable.

Before you had a chance to answer with a clear mind, Joel returned to sucking and biting marks into the soft skin. The headboard banged against the wall as you thrashed against the restraints. You panted as Joel moved up your leg, trying desperately to find the words to beg for what you needed as he neared your clenching heat.

“F-fuck me! Please fuck me! I need your cock in me - shit, daddy please!,” you suddenly wailed.

Tears of desperation slid down your face as you cried and Joel quickly crawled up your body, kissing every inch of skin he came across before he met your lips in a soft peck. He pulled back and met your gaze, cooing as he brushed away tears of frustration.

“Such a good girl for telling me what you need. So, so good for me. You look so beautiful like this babygirl,” he murmured.

Cradling your face, Joel leaned down and kissed you softly. His tongue teased the inside of mouth and you sighed, letting him in as your body relaxed against the bed. You nibbled on the inside of his lip and he groaned.

The kiss grew in intensity with both of you desperate for each other in seconds. Joel’s chest hair brushed up against your nipples and tiny jolts of pleasure ran down to your core. When he finally pulled away for air, you glared at him in annoyance. He laughed and kissed you once more on the cheek before he leaned into your ear.

“Still doing ok sweetheart?,” Joel whispered.

“Mmmhmmm, now can you fuck me already? M’getting bored up here,” you sang.

Joel chuckled and bit at the gland in your neck with more pressure than he had ever done before. It was still not enough to claim you, but it had your back bowing and eyes rolling anyways at the intensity. He took your incapacity as an opening and moved down to your core. As you tried to come down from the hormonal response Joel had torn from you, he threw your legs over his strong shoulders and positioned himself between your legs.

You looked down just in time to watch as Joel licked a long stripe up your seam, ending his stroke with a flick against the throbbing bud. He closed his eyes at the taste and a devilish smile graced his weathered features. In an instant, his mouth was back on you with soft kitten licks to your sensitive clit. As the need grew his soft licks turned to strong calculated strokes and you squeezed your eyes closed from the pleasure.

The moans that came from Joel were downright pornographic and you fought against the heaviness in your eyelids. Forcing your eyes open, you looked down at the beast of a man that was making the most wanton noises you had ever heard. The sight of him alone almost made you cum on the spot.

Joel ground his hips against the bed, rubbing his crotch into the sheets as he devoured you. With his brow pinched and eyes closed, he sucked your clit into his mouth as he held your twitching hips still so he could push you closer and closer to the edge.

“J- oh fuck! You look so good like that - ungh - M’gonna, you’re gonna make me -,” you squeaked as you barreled towards your end.

Just as your walls began to clench, signaling your incoming orgasm, Joel pulled back and returned his lips to your thigh. You gasped and bucked your hips into nothing as the pressure faded away. With a fresh wave of frustration at the ruined release, you thrashed harder against the restraint and whimpered.

“But I-I don't understand. I was gonna -”

Joel bit down hard on the supple skin of your thigh and a sharp cry bounced off of the walls. He laughed and you debated the benefits of cussing him out. Maybe that would get him riled up enough to fuck you. Before you could complain, Joel broke through the anger with the two thick fingers that thrusted into your core. You yelped at the sudden fullness. Slick dripped down Joel’s wrist and he grinned as he moved his face towards your center once more.

With Joel sucking on your clit at a steady pace, your orgasm rose from the depths of your core embarrassingly fast. He hadn’t even started to move his thick fingers yet before your thighs started to shake again. As your walls twitched, a burst of panic rushed through you at the thought of him pulling away. Quickly, you clamped your thighs around him and pleaded. Joel chuckled against your seam, the vibrations of it almost sending you off the edge before he effortlessly moved away.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” you shouted as yet another orgasm was ruined by Joel.

“Just Joel is fine darling,” he joked.

Joel chuckled and sucked the slick off his fingers. His fingers retracted from his mouth and he reached forward to pop your jaw open. Joel pursed his lips, letting a wad of spit fall from his mouth onto your tongue as you whimpered. The lewdness of it made your eyes roll back and you swallowed without even thinking.

“Jesus baby, don’t even have to tell you what to do. Like you were made for me or something. All fucking mine, aren’t ya?,” he growled.

You nodded and breathily whined, “Yes, m’yours. Want to be yours so bad, please! Please make me yours, I need it so bad. Fuuck.”

Joel moaned and moved to devour you once more. His fingers prodded at the outside of your twitching hole and you lifted your hips to encourage him. You felt him pause and looked down at him, only to be met with a serious look on his face.

“You're already mine baby and I’m yours. Don’t you ever forget that,” Joel grunted as he slammed his fingers inside.

Something between a growl and a sob rolled off of your tongue as his fingers ruthlessly thrusted into you. He sucked your swollen bundle of nerves between his lips and batted it with his tongue, the overstimulation making you shiver as he moaned into your folds. Joel’s fingers crooked up inside of you and rubbed at the devastating spot along your front wall. You convulsed against the sheets, whining and pleading as his free hand held you to the mattress.

Joel looked devastatingly handsome between your legs. The possessive stare, coupled with the way he thrusted his hips against the sheets in time with his fingers made you feel like a goddess. His movements grew slightly jerky and you knew that he was close. The thought of Joel cumming from humping the bed at the taste of your cunt was all too much and you came hard. You screamed and pulled at the leather wrapped around your wrists so hard that it creaked under the pressure.

Overwhelming pleasure erupted from your core and sprayed him with a strong gush of slick. Joel whined as your release covered his face and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. Nonsensical pleas and jumbled cries fell from your lips as you clenched around his thick fingers. You watched through hooded eyes as Joel’s hips stuttered against the bed before he thrusted down hard, crying out into your pulsing folds as he came into the sheets.

The strength of your orgasm made your pelvic muscles burn as he pulled away. Joel kissed his way back up your body as you floated. He smiled and continued his attack on your face, distracting you as Joel’s free hand untied you from the headboard. With your hands free from the leather, you quickly dug your fingers into his curls and pulled him closer.

The kiss you gave him was full of love, passion, longing, and desperation. It held a million emotions, a million promises, and a million requests. The kiss begged him to never go so long without touching you ever again. Joel responded fervently to your anguish and his lips promised that he would never leave you wanting again.

Joel broke from the kiss and the two of you panted into each other's mouths. You looked up at him and brushed the hair off of his forehead. He needed a haircut badly but you had begged him not to cut it yet, loving the way the length showcased his beautiful salt and pepper curls. You knew you had to do it soon as Joel threatened to shave it all off every day, but you wanted to enjoy the length as long as possible.

He kissed the indent on your wrist and continued all the way down the length of your arm. Joel reached the crook of your neck and leaned forward. You waited for the final kiss but it never did. Instead, he blew a wet raspberry against your skin. You screeched and squirmed, shoving his head away he laughed. Joel removed himself from your neck and watched you giggle.

“That was - shit Joel, that was so good. I missed that,” you sighed once the two of you calmed, which earned a hum of approval from him.

Joel rolled the two of you over, moving so he was underneath while you straddled him. He moved his fingers into your hair and rubbed at your scalp. Boneless from his soothing circles, you draped yourself over him and placed your ear against his chest. His strong heartbeat lulled you into a meditative state. Grabbing his free one in yours, you squeezed his hand three times.

“I love you too darling, more than you could possibly imagine,” he answered as he nosed at your hair.

Completely drunk off of him, you smiled and rubbed your face into his chest. He hummed as you scented him. Your nose moved up from his chest to huff at the spot beneath his ear and Joel shivered. The spot called to you, his deep scent coating the back of your throat as you licked and nipped at it. It smelled so good but you couldn’t help but wonder how much better it would be if his scent was mixed with yours.

The vibe of the room changed as you laved your tongue and dragged your teeth over the same spot with more intent. Joel’s hand tightened in your hair but it didn’t move to stop you. Instead he made a desperate noise and pushed your face deeper into his flushed skin. You took that as a green light and sunk your teeth into his skin. Joel howled as you made your claim on him. His body shook and his softening cock kicked up against your leg as blood filled your mouth. The taste of him alone made you groan as you licked over the wound, sealing the bleeding puncture marks and your hold over him as he twitched beneath you.

“F-fuck baby,” Joel panted as blinked away tears.

Before you could respond, Joel had flipped you over and shoved his face into your neck. He snuffed at the skin as he tried to locate the right spot. He found it almost immediately, almost like he had scoped it out beforehand. You didn’t blame him if he had, you had known the exact spot on Joel that you wanted to bite down on for weeks.

“P-please omega, tell me please,” Joel begged as his mouth hovered over the left side of your neck.

You could have cried at the sound of his voice. Your alpha, so strong yet so caring. A whine fell from your lips and you pushed his face forward.

“Make me yours Joel.”

Snarling, Joel clamped his teeth down hard. Euphoria burst from somewhere deep inside of you and you sobbed. The all encompassing feeling of finally belonging made tears fall from your eyes. You could hear Joel, as if from far away, as he coaxed you through the intense emotions. Love, devotion, and an overwhelming desire to never be away from him rushed through you. It was not unlike what you had already felt for him. Only this time, you knew for a fact that Joel felt the same way. You felt it through the bond.

After the waves receded, your eyelids fluttered open and it felt like you were coming up for air after being underwater for your entire life. Joel’s smile matched yours and the both of you erupted into a fit of giddy laughs.

Pure joy radiated off of you as you sniffed the air. Your scents changed with bond, mingling together to advertise to any interested parties that the both of you were taken. It made you excited, even though you knew there was nobody around to smell it. Joel noticed a change as well and lifted his nose into the air, his grin splitting his face in half as he smelled it too.

“Joel, I don’t even know what to say,” you croaked through the emotions that tightened your throat.

He rubbed his nose against yours and whispered, “I know honey, I don’t either. I love you, that’s all I can think of to say. I fucking love you.”

You sobbed and threw your arms around Joel’s neck, murmuring a soft I love you too into his mouth before you captured his lips in a searing kiss. Tears of happiness fell from your eyes as your lips moved against each other, tongues mingling and hands caressing every inch as the pair of you reeled from the enormity of what just happened. Your heart felt like it was going to explode with your love for Joel, the intensity of it almost too much as your mouths greedily took from one another. He broke away for air and you panted against the sheets, overwhelmed by the newness of it all.

“I know baby, it’s too much isn’t it? But it’s just us finding the missing piece. Me and you, that’s what the feeling is. Until my last breath, I’m yours. Hell, I would’ve been yours anyways but this is so much better,” Joel murmured.

An overwhelming need overcame you at his words and you flipped Joel over again. He landed on his back with a surprised oomph. He blinked and you had already straddled him. Joel wheezed as your hips grinded down on his quickly hardening length. He pinched his eyes closed and dropped his head back against the pillow while his hands skimmed along the fat of your hips.

Moving from your hips, Joel reached down to grasp handfuls of your ass and used his grip to slide you back and forth against him harder. Whining, you draped yourself over him again and writhed against him.

You grew desperate for him and reached down to grab him. Holding him steady, you slowly sunk down on him. A sigh fell from your lips once you were fully seated, with every aspect of the both of you now melded together. It all felt so right.

Joel’s hips twitched under you and he grabbed your hips once more. He worked you on his cock, the fat tip of it brushing up against that spot that had slick gathering in his lap. You whined at the size of him, the stretch bordering on painful as he bullied his way in. His place was slow and hard, making the burn quickly give way to burning need as Joel somehow brushed against every sweet spot inside of you.

You needed more.

The air in the room was thick and your bodies were sticky with sweat as you pushed back up again. Planting your hands on his belly, Joel watched through glazed eyes as you swirled your hips in mind numbing circular motions. He cussed with his expression pained as he watched your glistening body undulate over him. You leaned forward and kissed him once more, licking into his mouth and sucking on his tongue as the desperation grew.

The way his wiry curls scrubbed against your clit made pleasure shoot up from the base of your spine. Joel noticed as your legs trembled with your incoming release, making your thrusts lose their rhythm. As your legs failed, he pulled his lips from yours and sat himself up against the headboard. The same hard and slow grind as before continued with Joel’s capable hands setting the pace as you whimpered and shook.

“Alpha,” you keened as you felt the incoming pleasure.

Joel’s eyes met yours as he ground your cock into you, teasing your entrance with his knot to make you tremble. Needing him to claim you in every way, you whimpered his name and pushed your hips down.

“Yeah pretty girl? You want my knot omega? It's yours now, all you gotta do is tell me,” he growled with his length tunneling deeper inside of you, carving a space for himself as he thrusted up from underneath.

You panted and cried out, “I want it so bad. You have no idea how much I’ve been thinking about this. Everytime I - ha, fuck me - Everday in the shower, I’d use the showerhead so I could, oh shit! Alpha, please.”

He groaned and slapped the fat of your ass before he gritted out, “You touchin yourself to me in the shower baby? Fuck me, you know how many times I fucked my fist in there thinking about you? Nearly every day darling. I can’t believe I wasted it when I could’ve been cumming into this sweet pussy.”

Pussying clenching at his admission, you cried out and clawed at his shoulders. Joel’s thrusts became more erratic and he reached one hand down to your clit. As his calloused thumb strummed at your pulsing bud, the shaking in your thighs doubled as your walls began to milk him. Groaning, Joel brutally slammed you down onto his knot, locking himself inside of you as you both exploded.

Spurts of cum painted your insides as your cunt sucked him dry. Everytime you thought he was done cumming, another wave would splash against your walls as they twitched around him.

“F-fuck, gonna keep filling you up until it takes baby. Need it,” he growled.

You weren’t sure if he even knew what he had said but it didn’t matter. The thought of it threw the both of you into another round of blinding pleasure and you cried out as his seed continuously splashed against your cervix. Shuddering and breathless, you slumped against Joel’s body as the last shocks of pleasure ebbed away. His hands rubbed at every inch of available skin as he soothed the fresh mark on your neck with soft kisses.

“We should have done that two weeks ago,” you sighed as you purred from his attention to your neck.

He snorted before he mumbled, “Pardon me ma’am, didn’t mean to vex ya with my attempts at being decent. Just how I was raised, I suppose.”

You laughed at that and tilted your face to plant a quick peck into his hair.

“Well old man, you made me cum two weeks ago by slapping me in the pussy. So, I really don’t know whose decency you��re talking about. Plus, did you have a good time not touching me? Because I hated it. Pretty sure I’ll die if you take your huge dick away from me again,” you said.

Joel scoffed and shook his head at your words.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as ridiculous as you baby. You’d give Tommy a run for his money,” he chuckled.

You rolled your eyes before you said, “You’ve never met someone like me, period Joel. That’s why it’s my mark on your neck and nobody else’s. Plus, um… me crass? Who was the one that was doing the pussy slapping? Who literally just tied me up? Pot and kettle Joelie.”

“Uck, not Joelie, anything but that. Two people have called me that, my meemaw and my dumb brother when he was trying to piss me off. Don’t you even start with that,” Joel grumbled.

You hummed and brushed your thumbs along his cheeks.

“But doesn’t it sound so much better coming from me Joooellie - ah!”

He pushed you deeper on to his knot, eliciting a guttural cry from you as a weak orgasm pulsed from your core. The force of it made Joel hiss but it worked, effectively shutting you up and zapping the remaining energy from your body you melted him to him. After a brief silence, Joel spoke again.

“The mark on my neck, it couldn’t be anybody else’s. It could only ever be you,” Joel said truthfully.

Overcome with love and exhaustion, you kissed his neck and whispered, “Back atcha cowboy.”

He chuckled and you nuzzled at his fresh mark. A peaceful silence fell over the room as you wrapped yourselves around each other. Joel’s hands rubbed soft circles into your skin, drawing sighs from your lips until you drifted off into a dreamless sleep for the first time in weeks.

- Joel -

One day.

One day since he had purpose again. All of the voices in Joel’s head that screamed at him every waking moment were silenced when you had claimed him. With sharp teeth burrowed into his neck, all he could only think about was you. After a lifetime of running from his past and himself, it felt like he was finally home. Joel ran his thick fingers over the mark, smiling at the memory.

With the bond solidified, exhaustion had pulled you into an impromptu nap against him. Joel watched you sleep, tracing the outline of your face over and over again with his gaze but couldn’t bring himself to join you in rest. The thrill of being somebody’s mate had slowly morphed into shock. The surrealness of it all dizzied him.

Joel survived being a single dad, he survived the outbreak and his daughter dying in his arms, he even survived the death of his adoptive daughter. And he had done it all on his own. For 56 years the thought of drawing someone else into his shit was unthinkable but now he had you, and you would be with him until the day he died. The thought both excited and terrified him.

He didn’t know how he was going to do this. How would he take care of you? How could Joel look you in the eyes and tell you the truth about him? Would you leave him if you knew? Surely not, the bite mark dug into your neck assured him of that. But would you resent him for claiming you after the truth came out? The thought of your resentment made his stomach roil.

His racing thoughts were interrupted as you woke from the impromptu nap. The smile you gave him cracked the shell around his broken soul and allowed warmth to shine through the cracks. Butterflies erupted in Joel’s stomach and made his heart thump harder against the walls of his chest. Without a second thought, he leaned forward and kissed both of your cheeks. You yawned, mumbling something about food as you roused from slumber. Joel leaned forward and brushed his lips against yours, indulging your sleepy kisses for a moment before he jumped into action.

As Joel rose from bed, a strained groan forced its way out from behind his clenched teeth. A deep ache bloomed in his back and hips, making him lock his knees to keep himself from falling forward. He knew when he did it that he probably shouldn’t have picked you up at his age. You were a fully grown woman and he was an old man with a lifetime’s worth of sore muscles and creaky bones but he couldn’t help it. The pain that pricked at his nerves was worth it to see how your face scrunched up everytime he slammed you down onto his cock.

He tried to play it off after the groan crawled its way out of his mouth but you were his mate. That meant that you felt his pain like your own and after a round of pointless bickering, he somehow ended up taking a bath for the first time in nearly fifty years. Hesitancy clung to Joel at first but the sight of your naked body slipping in after him made any trepidation slip away in an instant. The water was warmer than he was used to but the heat pulled all of the tension from his muscles and made him groan into your hair.

Joel tried to be romantic and wash your hair but he almost immediately got his thick fingers stuck in the tangled strands. You laughed it off, gracious with his rusty affections even though he practically waterboarded you later on. He meant to simply wash the soap from your scalp but instead he accidentally poured the hot water directly over your face. He vehemently apologized as you sputtered and tried to explain that he was pretty sure the reason Sarah learned how to do her own hair so quickly was that she was tired of her dad getting styling cream in her eyes.

Afterwards, you washed him and Joel tried to keep note of your technique in his own hair for future reference. He suppressed a moan as he felt fingers rubbing the product into his scalp with soothing circles. The ministrations released the tension from his muscles and made him blink sleepily at you. You smiled and pecked Joel’s lips before tilting his head back, carefully rinsing his curls as he sighed.

Once the bath was over, the two of you had spent the rest of the day in each other's presence. He cooked and you watched from your spot on the counter, reaching out every so often to pull him into a sweet kiss. It was a miracle that the food didn’t burn. After lunch you had lured him back to bed for a few more hours, only letting him go when you collapsed from the devastating sixth orgasm he tore from you. Joel tried not to look too smug when he had to bring supper to you in bed that night as your legs shook and twitched.

After a peaceful sleep wrapped in each other’s arms, Joel woke to the sound of you making breakfast for him. He smiled and rubbed his eyes, letting his fingers trail across his newly marked neck before he leapt from the bed. There was a pep in his step as he dressed and he suppressed a smile at the giddiness growing in his chest. The simple thought of you making food in the kitchen made his cheeks hurt. It was madness.

He paused as he left the bedroom. His eyes fell to the rose on your side of the bed. Your side of the bed. Joel’s grin widened at the thought of it, of you having a space in his life forever now. The thought would have made him run for the hills a couple of weeks ago but now, his greatest fear was losing you.

Looking around, he saw traces of you everywhere. Dog eared books on the bedside table, dirty clothes mixed with his in the hamper, hair ties strewn across every open surface, a drawing of a wonky cat that you had drawn tacked to the wall on his side of the bed, even the rainbow quilt that adorned the bed had you written all over it. Joel never cared about which blankets he used but you insisted on using that one because of the bright colors. He didn’t mind the brightly colored blankets if it made you happy.

As Joel stepped into the hallway it was filled with the smell of something delicious. His mouth watered from the sweetness drifting in the cold air. Stomach grumbling, he walked into the kitchen and was slapped in the face with what he saw. He froze in the doorway. Flour covered nearly every inch of the counter and Joel trembled at the sight. Sweat pricked at his hairline and his heart lurched in his chest.

Suddenly it was 2003, his thirty second birthday, and Sarah wanted to make him pancakes. They were one of her favorite foods but that day he forgot and had left for work without a second thought. What had they eaten instead? Joel couldn’t remember. All he remembered was that the last two things that Sarah wanted in this world were pancakes and birthday cake, and she never got either.

“Joel! Oh my god, please breathe. Look at me, you have to breathe”

The words rattled around in his mind as he fought against the fog. Your panicked face came into his field of vision, face framed with black dots as your shaky hands held his cheeks. Joel’s chest burned and he wondered momentarily if he was having a heart attack before he realized he wasn’t breathing. He gasped, sucking in air as reality bled back into his consciousness.

“That’s it, breathe for me. There you go,” you soothed.

Joel lifted himself to his knees, ignoring your protests and attempts to shove him back down. He needed to get out of this room. The smell of the sweet batter made his mouth fill with water and he retched. You swore and stepped back at the sound of his gags. Joel staggered out of the room and you quietly followed.

Sarah’s laugh echoed in his haunted mind, followed by the sound of her choking on her final breaths. He looked away when she died, crying out for his brother only to be greeted with her still face when he looked back down. Why did he do that? Tommy couldn’t do anything. And Ellie. Was she scared after the tunnel? Did she look for him after she woke up? Did she wish Joel was there before they put her under for the surgery?

Was everyone he loved doomed to die afraid?

Was Joel doomed to watch?

“Joel, please. You’re scaring me. What’s going on? Are you - Is it your heart?”

Your nervous tone cut through his panicked state and Joel whirled around to face you. He felt like some sort of raging beast as adrenaline raced through his veins. He tried to conjure up an explanation but couldn’t, so he just turned away. Joel sighed as he heard your tentative steps towards him. You walked around his body and placed your hands on his aching chest.

“I don’t want to talk about it darling, I got chores to be getting to anyways. Just eat and I’ll see you later on, okay?,” Joel tried.

You blinked and prepared yourself to press him again. He wished you wouldn’t.

“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

Joel pushed away from you, stumbling back as anger boiled up from deep within him. He didn’t need your help, he didn’t need anybody’s help. There was no fixing this. It was something that would remain broken until the end of time, like him.

“I don’t need your help. M’not your little project sweetheart,” he seethed.

The moment the words were out of his mouth he regretted them but there would be no taking them back now. Not when your face morphed into a scowl and your arms crossed over your midsection in defense. Joel schooled his face and tried not to wince at the fury that buzzed through the bond you shared.

“I never fucking called you my project. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wonder why my mate collapsed in the kitchen and then literally ran away from me when I tried to comfort him. But what do I know?” you spat.

Joel stiffened at your tone and matched your anger as he said, “Maybe it’s none of your fucking business. Ever thought of that?”

A dark laugh peeled out of your mouth and he felt the room shift. He knew that he had chartered into dangerous territory but he couldn’t help it. Joel clenched his jaw and he tensed for an attack that was never going to come from you. His body couldn’t tell the difference between discomfort and danger anymore, gearing up to protect him despite the fact that he knew you would never hurt him.

“None of my business Joel? None of my fucking business?! You, Joel Miller, are literally my only fucking business. You’re my mate and I literally know fucking nothing about you. And you know what? That’s my fault, I should have pushed you but I didn’t,” you snarled as you walked back towards the kitchen.

A lump formed in his throat and Joel blinked away tears. He was failing you and he didn’t know how to stop it, but he knew he had to try.

“You don’t want to know me baby. I’m a bad man. I’ve tortured and killed so many people. Hundreds probably, and I don’t even care that some didn’t deserve it. That’s how shitty I am. Murdering folk ain’t even what keeps me up at night,” Joel choked out.

You stopped in the doorway and turned back. Joel watched your socked feet take tentative steps towards him and winced when they stopped inches away from him.

“Tell me.”

How could he? How could he put his loss into words? How could anyone?

“Tell me,” you repeated.

The conviction in your voice snapped Joel to attention and he grabbed your hand. He wasn’t sure why he was doing it but he led you down the hall towards the one place he had banished you from. Pausing for a moment, Joel sighed and pushed the creaky door open.

The room itself was largely the same, with flowers still painted on the walls and comic books still stuffed in the bookshelf, but it was torn to pieces.You stepped forward into the wreckage and gingerly surveyed it. The railings on the bunk bed had been torn off. He didn’t even remember doing that. A lamp was shattered in the corner of the room and the nightstand had been kicked over. Joel swallowed hard as you picked up the broken frame, studying the picture before you looked up at him.

“Sarah wasn’t the only daughter you lost,” you stated.

Joel nodded in response and braced for the big questions. How did Sarah die? How did Ellie die? How did he fail? How would he fail you?

“What was her name?”

He blinked.

“Ellie,” he whispered before he cleared his throat and tried again, “Her name was Ellie. She… I met her when she was fourteen. Pretty well grown but she was… If they hadn't killed her I would’ve taken care of her. She was my kid even though - ”

You cut through his rushed words, “Ellie was your daughter. Maybe not through blood, but she was your pup.”

He nodded again and looked down at his feet. Hot tears blurred his vision and he failed to force them down. Joel’s chest broke open. Ellie was his pup, Sarah was his pup, and they were both gone. The ground shifted beneath him and he lurched forward onto his knees. He didn’t even feel the hard wood, but he felt your arms around him after the fall.

“They died and I couldn’t fucking do anything. The outbreak happened and that goddamn soldier shot Sarah. He shot my baby girl and she died, and I didn’t do anything besides yell for Tommy,” Joel sobbed into your chest.

A soft comforting noise came from you and your fingers rubbed circles into his scalp. He cried hard, choking on memories as they gathered behind his eyelids. You remained silent, allowing him to cry as your hands soothed him.

“Ellie was just cargo. That’s all she was supposed to be and then she wasn’t anymore. The fireflies wanted to use her for some bogus cure but I c-couldn’t - fuck - I tried to get to her but her head was just split open on the fucking table and I-I,” he broke with a pained whine.

Years of shame rolled off Joel and landed on your lap. And you took it without any complaint or accusation. His admission just made you hug him tighter to your chest as he cried. A breakdown of this magnitude would have embarrassed him normally but he didn’t care. Joel needed you like the air he breathed. He needed you and if he had to admit his deepest darkest secrets to keep you, then that was what he would do.

You let him cry until the tears ran dry and his pained cries turned into soft whimpers. The hands in his hair tugged his head back. Joel blushed as you examined his damp face. He knew that he was probably a mess but you still looked at him like he had hung the moon.

“They knew you loved them. That’s what matters Joel. How they died was… It was awful and I can’t even imagine how you feel, but their death isn’t what’s important. Their memory is what matters, the love is what matters,” you said softly.

“But I was supposed to protect them and I failed. I’m a failure. And that’s why I… I just don’t want to fail you darling.”

You scoffed and pinched his sides, forcing a sharp grunt out of his mouth. He balked at your harsh treatment as he rubbed at his reddened skin.

“Joel Miller, you are a lot of things but don’t you dare call yourself a failure. A grump? Sure. Secretive? Undoubtedly. A miser when it comes to your friggin peanuts? One hundred per-”

He cut you off before the list could go on.

“And I thought I was bad at comforting people. Christ darling just pile it on, why don’t ya?” he snickered.

The tension in the room fizzled out as the two of you laughed. The pain that he felt moments before was still there but as Joel looked up at your smiling face, it felt a lot more manageable.

“What I’m trying to say is that you act like you’re some sort of monster but it isn’t true. Everything you do is with love. Joel, love literally exudes from your very being.You’re so many things, but a failure just isn’t one of them,” you explained.

Joel breathed in, allowing the words to settle in his soul as you pushed his hair back from his wrinkled forehead. There was a part of him that wanted to push back. A dark voice lurked in the corners of his brain and begged him to deny your kindness, but he stopped himself. Swallowing hard, he nodded and hugged you tightly. You grunted at the force of it but wrapped your arms around him anyways.

“Sarah wanted pancakes the last day she was alive. It was my birthday and she wanted to make them. They were more for her than anything else, she loved anything sweet. I guess I haven’t really seen anyone make them since her. It just surprised me baby, that’s all,” he mumbled.

“No oatmeal and no pancakes, aye aye captain,” you affirmed and leaned back to give him a mock salute.

A watery laugh bubbled up from Joel’s chest and he kissed you. Tears from his face dampened your cheeks but you didn’t seem to care. Instead, he felt you pour all of your affection into his lips. His heart throbbed and he whined. The kiss was growing in intensity but Joel cut it short when his nose picked up on something.

“Is that?”

“SHIT!,” you yelled before scrambling into the hallway.

Joel ran after you, eyes widening at the smoke that clouded the air. As he rounded the corner, he was met with the sight of you standing still in front of the flames that roared on the stove. He cussed, nervous system spiking his adrenaline once more as he snatched the water from the fridge and tossed it on the flame.

A sharp hiss resounded through the room and steam exploded off of the blackened circles in the pan. He reached around the billowing puffs of heat and quickly turned off the burner.

“You didn’t turn off the burner?” he asked dumbly.

You scoffed, “Well no, I thought you were having a heart attack Joel.”

Annoyance surged within him. Joel’s hands came up to his hips and he popped his left knee out.

“M’not that old,” he grumbled.

You threw your hands in the air at his petty bickering but he knew you loved it.

“Oh, I’m sorry Joel. You are so right. I should totally assume that when my 56 year old mate clutches at his chest and then falls over, that actually means he’s completely fine. My mistake!” you sassed him.

Joel bit back a laugh. If there was one thing that the two of you would do, it was bicker and he loved it too. The tenseness vanished and now you were just fucking with eachother.

“Plus, at least I wasn’t the one who just used all the water in the fridge to put out a itsy bitsy stove fire,” you added.

“Oh, I’m sorry darling. You are so right. I should totally assume that when you start a fire in the kitchen, it’s actually because you wanted to burn our home to the ground. My mistake!,” he retorted, throwing the words right back in your face.

A beat passed before you both erupted into laughter again. The tenseness of the situation deflated even greater as Joel watched you toss the charcoal colored dough into the trash. With the offending pancake gone, he sighed in relief.

After the pancake incident, Joel fired you from breakfast duty and opted for the easier option of ramen noodles. The prep was too minimal for your assistance so he shooed you away to the living room. When they were done, he brought the bowls of noodles to the couch and pulled your legs onto his lap. A smile tugged at his lips while he ate. The heaviness in Joel’s chest was gone and he was sure that he would’ve floated away if it wasn’t for the weight across his lap.

When the bowls were empty, you took the dishes back to the kitchen and commanded Joel to go refill the water from the fridge. He jokingly bowed to your demand, which you rolled your eyes at as you walked away. Joel smirked and reached out to slap your ass hard.

“Joel!” you scolded.

He wiggled his eyebrows at you and you laughed. The sound of your laughter was something that Joel knew he would savor until he died.

“Water cowboy, then we’ll talk.”

Joel flashed you a devilish grin as he quickly shoved his feet into his boots. Grabbing the first jacket he could find, he zipped up and turned to sprint towards his task. As he gripped the door handle, your voice calling out from the kitchen stopped him in his tracks.

“Love you!”

His heart stuttered at that. It didn’t matter how many times you said it, everytime made his mind fuzzy.

“Love you too honey,” Joel called back as he strolled into the frosty morning.

The walk was brisk but the sun shone down through the trees and warmed his cheeks. He barely took notice of whether the traps he passed needed to be reset or not. All of Joel’s thoughts were centered around you back in the cabin. Back home. Being away from you for even a minute tore him in half.

The river roared with swelling waters that licked at the banks as Joel stooped down to fill the bucket. The current was strong this winter, with thick chunks of ice that raced along the surface and slammed into each other. Summer came to mind. A grin came to his face as he thought about how nice it was to cool off in the calmer waters. He was excited to share the perfect swimming hole that existed just a short walk away. Joel shook his head and tried to focus on pulling the bucket up on the bank. He knew he would ditch his task if he thought about swimming alongside you for too long.

His ears pricked at a rustling noise behind him. Joel heard the distinct sound of footsteps coming out from the treeline behind him and smiled. Relief filled him. It was good to know that he wasn’t insane for missing you from the moment he stepped outside.

“Listen, I missed you too darling. But Christ, s’cold out here. You’re gonna freeze,” he teased.

You didn’t answer and Joel turned his head, only to be met with the but of a rifle as it slammed into his face.

#alpha!joel miller #angst #joel miller fanfiction #comfort #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #omega reader #a/b/o dynamics #tlou fanfic #joel miller smut #joel miller x female reader #joel x reader #joel needs a hug #reader needs a hug

24 notes · View notes

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 6 days

Text

Sorry that I have been MIA my loves but new chapter dropping tonight! It's gonna be long so I might have to make it a two parter but stay tuned.

#alpha!joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #omega reader #a/b/o dynamics #tlou fanfic

2 notes · View notes

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 29 days

Note

Your writing is sooooo good, please never stop <3. We’re not worthy for the beautiful work you bestow upon us 🙇🏻‍♀️

Omg you've got me kicking my feet, thanks so much! I'm glad you've liked it so far, it's my first fic 💞😇

#replies

4 notes · View notes

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 1 month

Text

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 6 Summary:

Waking up along alone is certainly not what you expected after a night of passionate love making with Joel. To make things worse, a snowstorm is sweeping through the trees, making you nervous about his whereabouts. With no other option, you leave to go find him and are surprised with what you find.

Warnings: Minor Injuries, Angst and Fluff, Soooo much smut, likely truly filthy smut and I make no apologies, Joel is bad at feelings, mentions of past abuse/trauma, and brief mention of violence towards the end (not towards reader or Joel)

A/N: Hello my lovelies, I hope your week has been good. Major smut warning for this chapter, just truly filthy fucking near the end (I'm ovulating rn, my bad lol). Amidst the loads of smut, we learn a bit more about reader's background. More importantly, we get the first glimpse into who Paul is. This chapter is mainly through Joel's perspective as he works through some things with reader. Again, read with caution if you have past trauma. Take care of yourself always!

Chapter 6/20

Chapter 6: Confessions

“Please.”

“I already said no.”

“But-”

“Behave.”

You whined, kicking your legs out in frustration before a sharp smack to your ass made you yelp. The thick drag in between your folds started again as a palm came up to soothe the burn.

“Joel,” you whimpered.

The feeling of the tip of his cock nudging your clit as he rubbed his length up and down your seam made you twitch. Another slap came down on the other cheek and you wailed. Joel cooed at you, rubbing at the angry red mark he had left behind with one hand as the other held your hips in place.

“Jesus darling, you’re prettier than a picture like this. Wish you could see it,” Joel groaned as he continued to rut against your folds, the head catching on your entrance as you deepened the arch in your back.

“Ungh - fuck, please - need you inside,” you mewled, trying to wiggle closer so that you could sink down on to the cock that throbbed against your slickened center.

“Hmmmm… I don’t know. I don’t think you need it that bad,” he teased.

You let out a grunt, frustration getting the better of you as you ripped out of his grasp and began to crawl up the bed. Just before you reached the headboard, hands grabbed your hips and yanked you back as you squealed. Joel brought both of his hands down, a wave of slick dribbling down your thighs as both sides of your ass smarted.

“Sweet girl, ‘thought I told you to stay still while I’m playing with this pretty pussy. Can’t you feel how wet she is for me? Be good and maybe I’ll let her have it,” he tsked, positioning himself before he restarted the slow grind against you.

Defeated, you relented, crying into the sheets and trying to keep yourself still as he dragged himself back and forth. You had no idea how he was keeping himself together, your heat had made you desperate for him but his rut seemed to only make him mean. Heat gathered inside of you, clit throbbing as the feeling of him against you had you racing towards your release. Joel’s fingers dug into your hips, hand coming up every so often to smack your ass as you moaned and wept.

“P-please, I can’t - AH! Daddy, ungh, inside please. Need you inside,” you stuttered, a handful of swats making it almost impossible to finish your request.

Joel chuckled and slowed his pace, hushing you as you whimpered and thrashed. You were close to cussing him out but the words died in your throat. Joel began to breach your entrance, slick soaking the end of his dick as he held it against your hole. The two of you felt how your walls tried to pull him deeper as tears blurred your vision. You babbled and keened, begging Joel to push himself further in.

He leaned forward, covering your back with his broad chest. The feeling of his strong nose skimming your neck made you shiver. You felt him smile against your skin, kissing both of your tear stained cheeks before he leaned in to whisper in your ear.

“Careful what you wish for,” Joel said softly before slamming into you.

An ear-splitting, high pitched wail was ripped out of your throat as you shot up in bed. Confused and sweating, it took a few seconds to shake off the filthy dream. You rubbed your bleary eyes and yawned, surveying the disaster. Sweat, slick, and cum soaked the sheets below you, traces of you and Joel covering almost every inch of the room now. Joel had fucked you last night until his rut hit somewhere between your third or fourth round, then he had fucked you some more. He stopped only to get you a snack and a glass of water, grumbling as you made him share it with you again. After you were fed he was back on you, sending you over the edge again and again.

The final round was much like your dream. He had you ass up with your face shoved into the sheets below. You drooled into the fleece as he held the back of your neck, pushing you deeper into the bed as you arched against him. His pace was unbearable, his thrusts resounding throughout the room with a wet thwap, thwap, thwap. Joel had already made you cum three times in this position and the overstimulation was becoming almost too much. You couldn’t help the way your body convulsed each time he drove into you with a grunt, sobbing and hiccuping as he pulled you closer to yet another release.

“P-pleeeease, I can’t. Need you to umph - need you to cum in me,” you whimpered.

Joel hissed, his thrusts faltering for a moment before speeding up, “Yeah baby? Is that it? Is that what you need? Need me to cum in that little pussy? Fuck, so fucking wet for me - shit!”

A couple more thrusts and his knot was pulsing against your walls. Eyes bleary, you came painfully hard against him for what felt like the millionth time. The pleasure tore through you and fried every nerve ending in your body as you screamed. Without any warning you had collapsed onto the sheets below, pulling a grunt from Joel as the connection between you had yanked him down on top of you. Your head felt like it was underwater as you laid there. You went in and out of consciousness as he pulled you both on your sides, honeyed words coaxing you down from your high. His rasp had lulled you, warm skin covering you like a thick blanket as you snuggled back into him.

You drifted for a bit, barely noticing when he finally pulled out and left the room. Moments later you groaned as he flipped you on to your back. You felt him cleaning between your legs, cooing as the wet cloth made you whine at him. After Joel was done he rolled you back on to your side, positioning himself behind you before he tucked you into his chest. His arms holding you and legs tangled with your own, a feeling of peace washed over you. You smiled as he kissed the back of your head and whispered goodnight. Sleep had already pulled you under before you could respond.

As you remembered the past 24 hours with Joel, a rush of desire had your core dripping and abdomen cramping up again. You whipped your head around in search of him. Despite the slight ache that made you wince as you shifted, the heat that still lurked in your system called for him. You turned, finding nothing but empty sheets and discarded clothes around you.

“Joel?,” you called, waiting for an answer for a moment before slipping out of bed.

The heat was bearable for a moment, still there but prowling in the corners of your being as you moved through the hall. The air was frigid against your damp skin and your teeth chattered as you walked. The cabin was colder than it had ever been and you could see your breath puff out in front of you. For a moment you wondered why Joel would even be out here and then you remembered how his rut had turned him into a furnace. You shook your head and tried to forget about the heat that radiated off his skin as he pounded into you. Joel probably couldn’t even feel how cold it was in the cabin.

Reaching the living room, you tried not to gag as fear made your stomach churn. Knees shaking, you walked over to the front door. The wood thumped against the frame as frosty wind howled outside. You jumped as the heavy metal latch banged against the frame. Grabbing the latch to keep it from spooking you again, you took a deep breath and poked your head out.

A snow storm had arrived sometime after you finally passed out in the early morning and it covered everything in white. The sight would have been beautiful if the wind wasn’t tearing through the trees and stirring up the flurries as they fell. Squinting as you tried to find his figure amongst the snow, it was nearly impossible to see more than a few feet in front of you. To make things worse, the evening light was slowly dying and a new wave of fear had you trembling in the doorway. Joel was out in this? Your eyes snapped to the coat hanger and noticed that Joel had left his hefty jacket behind.

You swore, mind racing as the thought of him lying dead under a layer of snow forced you into action. The cramps in your abdomen were growing more impatient but you ignored them and slipped on Joel’s forgotten coat. You shoved on a pair of clunky boots, growling in frustration as you realized that the boots you donned were his too. You wondered how he had survived for years out here by himself and thought about tearing him a new one as you tried to prepare for the bitter wind. Steeling yourself, you took a deep breath before you set off to find him.

- Joel -

Panic.

That’s what Joel felt as he watched you sleep peacefully in his arms.

Joel had woken up to the feeling of you shifting, a soft hmph coming from you as you hugged one of his arms that was thrown over your body. A sleepy smile broke out on Joel’s face, a long forgotten feeling sending butterflies loose in his belly. Looking down, he wondered why he had ever pushed you away. His eyes ran over your body, admiring every inch before his gaze had landed on the cum leaking out of your core. It made his cock twitch at first, kickstarting the feverish thoughts about him fucking you, claiming you, filling you with him until it took. It was that last part that caught him off guard.

He cussed, beginning to panic as he realized what he had just done. Not only had he fucked you, oh no, he had knotted you. And not once, but so many times that he couldn’t even count. Even better, he did this while you were in heat and he was in a rut, which upped the chances of it taking by like a million percent. He gulped, his heart starting to thunder as he slid out of bed as quietly as he could, throwing on random clothes before tiptoeing out of the room.

Joel paced in the living room as he tore into himself. What the fuck did he think would happen? Of course, knotting you might lead to pregnancy. He was a grown man, he should know that. What was he thinking? Well, that’s just it, he wasn’t thinking. Joel growled, rubbing his face as he cursed every God that had ever existed for giving him a cock. His eyes snapped open as the panic burning his chest continued to build, his rut making it so much worse. Holy fuck, what if you were pregnant already? No, that’s stupid of course you’re not. And plus, he could still smell the slick heat calling to him from the bedroom.

Still, the smell did little to comfort him and Joel’s mind began to spiral with the possibilities. Okay, so what if he did get you pregnant? He needed to keep you safe. Oh fuck, he needed to keep his pup safe. His racing heart made him sway on his feet, the walls shrinking in on him as he thought of the words the intruder said to him. Paul will be coming for what’s his, echoed in his ears over and over as he began to tense and growl. His rut brought out a brutal side to him and the rage he felt made him practically vibrate as he fantasized about slitting the throat of the unknown man. Paul couldn’t have you, you belonged with him. Delirious and sweating, Joel had shoved his feet into the first pair of shoes he found and trudged out into the blizzard.

Operating on autopilot, he worked for a few hours. He didn’t go very far, wanting to be near enough to hear you in case of danger. Joel settled on fencing in the trees that surrounded the cabin, tearing the skin on his hands as he worked with the sharp wire. Mind focused on nothing but keeping everyone else out, he didn’t even think about the fact that he would have to leave some sort of exit for himself. At some point Joel would need to get out to get water and check his traps but his brain was clouded with fear. Instead he sealed the two of you in, not even blinking as the snow covered his shoulders and the barbs nicked his hands. He was just about to start setting new traps along the perimeter when he heard a soft voice call his name.

Joel whipped around, seeing nothing but snow as he tried to pinpoint where it came from. He almost ignored it, thinking that maybe his rut was making him hear things. But when the frigid breeze brought a faint whiff of his favorite smell, he knew it wasn’t his mind playing tricks on him. Joel surged forward, his strides quick and determined. Carried by instinct alone, he found his way to you in no time, grabbing you and turning you to face him as you yelped in surprise.

“Joel! What are you doing out here? It’s not safe,” you blubbered over the howling wind, shoving at his chest as tears of frustration froze on your cheeks.

He blinked, trying to make sense of what you said. Not safe? Joel knew it wasn’t safe, that’s why he was out here. Couldn’t you see that?

“M’gonna take care of you. Nobody’s gonna take you. Not ever,” Joel growled, his eyes frantic as he shook your body where it stood, trying to make you understand his urgency.

Joel could feel your eyes burning into him as he whipped his head around, looking for any sign of danger. He didn’t like you out here, it was too open. As he stood in front of you, he tried to figure out where the vantage point would be if someone wanted to attack. Someone could throw some sort of fabric over the fence and vault it. If they did that he would need to push you behind him and charge. Or they could climb a tree, that would be easier. From the tree, they could just hop down on top of him. If they got the jump on him he would need to throw them off before they could do any damage. If Joel got hurt, you would be without protection. What would he do if that happened? Chest tight, Joel felt like he was about to keel over when soft, cold hands grabbed his face and yanked it forward.

“Joel,” you said seriously, cheeks flushed and nose slightly runny as your worried eyes met his.

“I need-,” he stopped as you cut him off.

“You NEED to come inside Joel. It’s not safe out here in the storm. I need you to come back with me right now.”

A grunt rumbled in Joel’s chest as the wind tore through the both of you, panic still hooking into his heart and pulling him back towards his work.

“Please alpha.”

Suddenly torn, Joel groaned as one half of him now needed to stay and continue to fortify, while the other half needed to fuck you into the mattress until you gushed around him. He tried to shake the latter from his mind, trying to remember the words the intruder had said to keep his mind straight. Joel tried hard not to think about his hard cock pressing against the cotton shorts that covered his - Wait, what? What the fuck was he wearing?

Looking down, Joel was greeted by the sight of his own tan legs staring back at him. He swore, realizing that he had come all the way out here in nothing but a pair of boxers, a t- shirt, and a pair of ratty slippers. Meeting your gaze once more, he suddenly understood the anxious look in your eye. Joel looked absolutely insane. He was outside soaking wet during a snowstorm with barely any clothes on, trying to figure how to argue his way into staying as his palms bled against the bulky coat that covered your shaking figure.

“I uh - I don’t-,” he trailed off, embarrassed at the state he was in.

“I know, c’mon. Come back with me Joel,” you soothed, pulling his arm behind you as you turned back towards the cabin.

Joel followed dumbly, fighting the urge to tear his arm away and run back to his doomsday preparations. The only thing that kept him on your heels was the sight of your bare legs pebbled with goosebumps. Guilt swirled in his gut as he realized that you had come out to find him in nothing but a coat and boots. Your body had probably shook from the harsh breeze as you trudged through the layers of thick snow, only to find him in this state. He wondered briefly how long you had been outside but he had to stop. Thinking about it made him close to tears.

After reaching the cabin, you pulled him inside and latched the door. With the door shut, you moved to undress him. Joel tried to object but you had glared at him until he relented. He gulped, suddenly feeling like he was a little boy rather than a 56 year old man. For someone who was so sweet, he now understood that you could be fucking scary when you wanted to be. Wet clothes torn off, you led him to the couch and shoved him down before covering him with a blanket.

“Honey I don’t need-,” Joel started, trying to get up the moment he noticed the fire had gone out.

“Shut up.”

Joel guffawed, the alpha in him begging him to ignore it and build a nice big fire for you but your tone made him stay put. He watched as you turned, ridding yourself of the soaked jacket and boots before trailing off into the kitchen. Joel stared at the wall, shame making his breaths rattle in his chest as he swallowed thickly. He heard you click on the kettle and tried to focus on the sound of you readying what he assumed was tea so that he wouldn’t start crying. Joel felt absolutely useless. His cock ached as it leaked against the soft pudge of his stomach but he ignored it, closing his eyes and trying to calm himself.

He heard you move back into the room, setting down a mug on the side table to his left before rustling with the fireplace. He listened to the thud of logs being tossed in, the crinkling of paper, the flicking of a lighter, and soft bursts of air coming from your lips to feed the flame. Joel’s eyes opened as you stood in front of the fire, the dying light that crept in from the windows making you look ethereal. You turned and walked back over to him, moving the blanket to the side before you slid onto his lap. Joel whined at the coldness of your skin, gritting his teeth to keep his emotions in. You sighed, covering the both of you with a blanket before reaching over to grasp the steaming mug.

“Drink.”

Joel looked down at the mug and back up at you before he weakly repeated the words you had said to him the day earlier, “Share it with me?”

You smiled, nodding your head. He took the first few gulps fast. The minty liquid scalded his tongue and he winced. He didn’t mind it too much though, the pain sobered him a bit. You hissed like you could feel his pain yourself and snatched the mug away from him. Joel grimaced as you tested it, watching as you coughed from the temperature and quickly placed the mug back on the side table. You turned to him with an eyebrow raised and he looked back at you sheepishly. Sighing again, you reached back to the side table and grabbed what looked to be a damp cloth, pulling one of his bleeding hands up to clean.

“You gonna tell me what that was about?,” you asked softly, frowning at the cuts.

Joel shifted under you, his heart racing with your core so close to his painfully hard cock. He really didn’t want to have this conversation right now. However, as he watched you move to wrap his hand in a bandage, he knew he had no choice.

“I got scared,” he mumbled, watching you work to avoid your gaze.

You hummed, switching hands before you asked, “Of me again?”

His eyes widened, looking up at you in confusion as you continued to work. Your eyes stayed on his hand, putting the cloth aside and grabbing the bandages as he sat there with his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

“Wh- scared of you? I’ve never been - Darling, I’m not - I just - What?,” Joel said, stumbling over his words as he tried to make sense of the question.

Joel tried to get his thoughts straight, but it didn’t help that he was also actively trying to keep himself from canting his hips upwards. Your eyes met his as you finished the other hand. If he was a weaker man he probably would’ve moaned as they pierced through his rough exterior, making him grind his teeth as his dick jumped. Leaning down, you kissed the rough bandage before placing your hands on his shoulders.

“Fine. It wasn’t me this time,” you said, bulldozing through Joel’s attempts to speak as you continued, “But it was something. What was it?”

Joel felt helpless. He didn’t want to tell you about his worries, especially about what the intruder had said. He couldn’t, not with you so vulnerable. Joel had no idea what to do and your gaze made him nervous as he tried to think of an answer.

“Sweetheart I -,” he gasped as you began to rock your hips against him, soaking him as he tried not to whine.

“You what? Big bad alpha can’t speak? Has to run away from me instead of talking it through,” you challenged, anger seeping into your tone and making him groan as you pulled his hair.

Joel swallowed and moved to grab your hips, needing to pull you against him harder but you shoved his bandaged fists away. He whimpered desperately, which surprised him but made you smirk as you continued to rub yourself over him. Joel felt like he was in a dream as utter shock quickly turned into overwhelming desire.

“Aw, and now he wants to touch me. How sweet. Too bad he couldn’t use his words. Now he gets to watch,” you spat, moving your hand down to grab ahold of him, positioning his cock at your entrance before sliding down in one go.

You both groaned, his cock twitching against the grip your pussy had on him as slick dripped down his balls and stained the couch below. Before Joel had a chance to say anything you were off, rising so that only the tip stayed inside before dropping down hard. The pace you set was brutal and it had Joel pressing his thumbs into his torn palms to keep himself from cumming too quickly. Choked groans and whines tumbled freely from his mouth, the pressure building in him as you used him for your own pleasure.

“This what you need, daddy?,” you asked breathily, pace unfaltering as his head spun, “Need me to remind you who you belong to? Who owns this fucking cock Joel, tell me.”

Joel choked on his spit at his own words being shot back at him. He had never allowed someone to use him like this, to claim his body as their own. The thought of anyone doing that had never appealed to him but now, with your pussy gushing around his cock and your words making him dizzy, he knew he could get behind one person doing it to him. He closed his eyes, trying to get it together before his attention was snapped back to you by a harsh grip on his hair. You pulled his head back, eyes meeting as you bounced ruthlessly in his lap. An embarrassingly loud moan escaped his lips as you tugged on his curls again, his knot already starting to nudge your entrance.

“You want to knot me Joel? Want to fill me up - ah fuck - make me yours?,” you asked, pace getting more frantic as your pussy began to tighten around him.

Joel nodded enthusiastically, all previous fears about cumming inside of you thrown out the window as he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and prayed you were close. He needed to feel you choke his cock before he finished, he needed it like he needed the air he breathed. Grabbing his chin with one hand as the other used his shoulder for support, you pulled his gaze from the bouncing tits in his face and made him meet your gaze.

“If you want to cum inside, answer me. Who owns this fucking cock? ” you grunted.

Eyebrows pinched together and cock on the verge of exploding, Joel broke. Desperate words spilled out of him before he could catch them as you kept up the frantic pace.

“Fucking shit baby, you! You own it! S’all yours, fuuuck. Please honey just - ha - just let me have it. God fuck, m’yours. I’m fucking yours just - ungh - please!,” Joel moaned wantonly.

You smiled down at him sweetly before slamming down onto his knot, locking the two of you together as you both came.

Joel let out a shout as his cock erupted inside of you. His hands moved to hold your hips down, forcing you as far down as you could go. His cock released a torrent of cum, painting your insides white until you were bloated with it. You moaned and shook against him, wave after wave of pleasure making you clamp down around his knot and dragging him back into another orgasm. His vision blacked out, mouth finding your neck and sucking at your gland as you arched into him. Joel used every bit of strength he had not to bite down and firmly seal the deal, to make you officially his, but he couldn’t. That would have to be a conversation, a big one. He would never force you into something you didn’t want. Still, a small part of him secretly hoped you would claim him first.

After the last bit of pleasure had been milked out of him, he sighed and sat back, eyes raking over your bare skin. You looked as fucked out as he felt. Your hair was a disaster, eyes teary and red, sweat covering every inch of you as you tried to catch your breath. It had him twitching painfully inside of you again. You were a sight that he could get used to looking at, one that he knew he could never go without now.

“Where did that come from?,” Joel panted, his mind still reeling.

You laughed and shook your head, hands coming up to play with the curls at the back of his neck.

“I had a dream that you were being… Well, you were being kinda bossy and I felt like maybe I needed to try it out. Thought it might prove a point,” you huffed, “I mean, I left out some stuff but that was the jist.”

Joel laughed then groaned, his knot twitching inside of you from the jostling. He took a breath and closed his eyes to slow his racing heart before he reopened them to look at you.

“The fuck did you leave out?,” he asked.

You rolled your eyes, cheeks going red as you said, “I don’t know, you were being a bit rough. Smacking my ass so that it left a mark, stuff like that. I could get a little more bossy but you’re sitting down so…”

Joel squawked, “You’d have reddened my backside if I wasn’t sitting?”

You shrugged, “Dunno, maybe.”

A peal of laughter came out of Joel, the admission taking him completely off guard. Your head snapped up, face twisted in annoyance for a second before you joined him. Uncaring of the way his knot jolted from the outburst, Joel laughed until he had to wipe tears from his eyes. After his laughter subsided he met your gaze and smiled.

“Well sweetheart, if there’s anyone I’d let slap me silly, I reckon it’d be you,” he joked.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you said, beaming at him.

Shaking his head, Joel chuckled, “M’ sure you will.”

You smiled for a second before a serious look crossed your face again and you looked away, suddenly avoiding his gaze as you twirled his graying strands. He could tell you wanted to ask him something but that you didn’t want to upset him. Looking down at where the two of you were locked together, he sighed, resigning himself to a conversation that he didn’t want to have. It’s not like he was going anywhere.

“Go on darling, say what you want to say. I won’t get mad.”

You looked up, studying his face for a moment before you asked again, “Why were you scared?”

Joel sighed, his fears coming to the surface once more, but he pushed them away. He needed to be honest with you, that much was clear now. If he was going to figure out how to deal with this, he needed to know what had happened. And plus, it wasn’t fair for you to be in the dark about someone who may or may not have been a big part of your life. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but a small part of him was worried that you might actually want this Paul guy to come and take you away from him. Joel wasn’t sure he could survive that if it happened. He’d already lost so much. But still, he needed to be honest.

“I need to ask you something. Now, I don’t want you to get upset but I just… It’s something that the man that came in here said. I wanted to tell you about it but then with your heat, I thought maybe it’d be best if I waited. Then my rut came and the thought of it is driving me crazy. I mean you saw how crazy I went and I -” you placed your lips against his, cutting off his rambling.

Joel’s eyes slipped shut as his lips touched yours. It was quick and sweet, just enough to bring him back down to earth before he spiraled again. His lips chased yours as you parted and the sound of your giggle made him smile.

“Ask me Joel.”

He nodded and grabbed one of your hands in his, rubbing his thumb over the knuckles as he began.

“Who's Paul and Cooper?” Joel asked cautiously.

Joel winced as he watched your face fall, squeezing your hand in his to try and ground you. A million emotions flickered across your face. Shock, fear, anger, sadness, and then back to fear.

“I d-don’t - how did you -,” you stammered, trying to pull a sentence together but failing.

“The man that was here, he um… Before I uh… Well, before I killed him, he kept talking about how Paul and Cooper were looking for you. How Paul would be coming for what’s his and um… Well, I got the notion that he meant that y’all were together or something,” Joel said, treading extremely carefully as your face grew more and more pinched.

“I am not his, I am my own fucking person Joel. Paul doesn’t own me, I don’t give a shit what he says. Nobody fucking owns my body but me. I thought you would understand that. And Cooper can go fuck himself,” you snarled.

Joel put his hands up in defense and shook his head wildly, scrambling to tear the foot from his mouth.

“No, of course not baby. I’m not - That’s not what I’m saying. I would never think - Own you? ‘Course nobody can own you, that’s not what I was trying to say. I was just trying to tell you what the man said, I’m not - oh fuck, I’m screwing this up,” he stuttered, his heart rate picking up again as you glared at him.

With his stuttered protest hanging in the air, you relaxed a little in his lap. Joel watched as you looked away, suddenly seeming a lot more deflated as you stared at the carving of the cowboy that sat on the bookshelf.

“I’m sorry Joel. I know I shouldn’t… It’s just with my heat and everything - I swear I didn’t mean to snap at you or assume that you would be like him. I just -,” you stopped and bit your cheek as your words faltered.

Joel shook his head, reaching out with one of his hands to brush the tears away as they fell. He hushed you, bringing the other to your hip to rub soothing circles into the skin as he had before.

“S’alright darling. You don’t got anything to apologize for. Alphas can be… Well, a lot of us can be assholes, I know that. I’d never try to… Your body is your own honey, I know that. I’d never assume otherwise, I swear,” he said softly, hoping you would understand.

You sniffed and nodded, “I know Joel.”

“Good. So just talk to me baby,” Joel encouraged as he brushed the hair off of your face.

You nodded, looking down for a second and pulling in one long breath before you began.

“Paul was chosen to be my mate. I couldn’t - Omegas didn’t really have a choice where I grew up, so there wasn’t much I could do but I… I knew Paul. He was one of Josiah’s closest men back home and he was… scary.”

Joel furrowed his brow, “Scary how?”

“Scary like, I don’t know. He was really mean to anyone who wasn’t an alpha. Betas, he could stomach to a certain degree but he would be a lot snappier. But if an omega talked without being spoken to in front of him, he’d have them thrown into the pit for a week. He was even mean to animals, Jake saw him kill a dog once for taking food he’d left out. It was this little boy’s dog, he had rescued it before he even got to camp. Brought it all the way across the country but Paul just killed the poor thing like it was nothing,” you said, shuddering at the memory.

A sick feeling rushed over Joel and twisted his stomach, making him grit his teeth as he listened. He tried to focus on calming you, knowing that if he opened his mouth all that would come out would be a detailed report on the many ways he could kill Paul.

“Anyways… So, I never liked him. He always followed me around and would try to get me alone, but my mom was so strict. It was the only time I was ever thankful for it actually, because it meant that I was never left with him. He always looked at me in a way that made me feel…” you stopped and pressed a finger to the tip of your nose as you tried to think of the word.

“Uncomfortable?” Joel provided.

“Yeah, uncomfortable I guess. It just… always made me feel kinda dirty, like he was trying to see through my clothes or something,” you said.

Joel nodded thoughtfully, “That’s your instincts. Smart that you listened to them. Lot of young people don’t ‘cus they want to be nice and then they wind up getting hurt.”

You thought it over for a second before you nodded and continued.

“I guess so. Didn’t matter much anyways. About two years ago, Jake got caught trying to sneak away with Liam,” you started but he cut you off.

“Whose Liam?” he asked.

Joel kicked himself for interrupting. It reminded him how Sarah used to tease him for asking too many questions when she tried to talk to him about her friends. He could only ever keep track of a few names, the less mentioned friends always getting forgotten or confused with another.

“Liam was Jake’s boyfriend. He was really sweet. Jake thought he was handsome but I could never get over how red his hair was,” that earned a huff of laughter from Joel and you smiled back for a moment before continuing, “They wanted to run away and start a new life together.”

Joel nodded for you to continue. Watching as your face grew solemn once more, he squeezed your hand again to bring you back to earth. You looked up and squeezed him back before moving on.

“Josiah said Jake was to be mated to Paul’s younger brother Cooper. He wasn’t like Paul, I always thought he was actually pretty nice in comparison. Still, he never said anything when Paul was on a rampage, always looked too scared. I guess Jake couldn’t take it so he tried to get out. They got caught and Josiah flipped because they were both omegas. He kept yelling and calling them a bunch of really bad things, and they ended up hanging Liam for some charge. I don’t remember what it’s called now… Sodony, maybe?”

“Sodomy?,” he guessed, trying to keep his face neutral as the story just kept getting worse.

You nodded, “Yeah, that’s it I think. They were going to hang Jake too but I started yelling. I begged Josiah first but he wouldn’t budge, so I tried to get Paul to stop it. I thought maybe since he liked me, he might agree to let Jake go to the pit instead, and he did. He convinced Josiah to let Jake go. A couple of weeks later Jake got out and married Cooper. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so sad.”

You stopped and Joel waited, not wanting to interrupt again.

“About a month after that, Josiah said I had to marry Paul. I begged him not to make me, I even asked if it could be someone else but he was set on Paul. There was nothing I could do. The wedding was awful, I refused to say my vows but it didn’t matter. Josiah married us. I was hoping that I would get hit by lightning or something until my mom pulled me aside. She shoved me into a room with her and Miriam. They got me out of the stupid dress and gave me some supplies. Mom didn’t say a word but Miriam opened the window and told me to go, so I left,” you said.

Joel cocked his head in confusion, “Thought you said you came here because your place got overrun.”

You nodded, “It did. I left for about two months. Figured Paul would just ask Josiah for another mate, he had already gone through two others. But he made them keep looking for me. They finally caught up and threw me in the pit. Rachel came to see me a couple times while I was there. Miriam and her were making plans to get me and Jake out of town, but they never got the chance. The day we were overrun was the day I got out. I haven’t even seen Paul since the day they caught me.”

That was so much to unravel, but there was one part in particular that irked Joel so he asked, “Gone through? What do you mean he’s gone through two other omegas?”

Shrugging, you looked at him and said, “Omegas don’t count. First one didn’t listen to him, or something like that I’m not sure, and died in the pit. I was young when it happened, maybe thirteen or so. And the other one had a high risk pregnancy. Miriam said she needed an abortion but Paul didn’t want to hear it so both the omega and the pup died. That happened about two years before Josiah set us up.”

Joel’s mind spun with this information. What the actual fuck? He gathered that the place you had grown up in was a cult, there was no doubt in his mind about that. But omegas don’t count? Forced marriages? Fucking forced births? He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. In the back of his mind he knew he should say something to comfort you, but he was pissed.

“I’m going to kill him,” he stated, forgetting that you were still in front of him despite the fact that his softening cock was still inside of you. You laughed and the movement forced him to remember your presence. You looked at him sweetly, which made him extremely confused. Why were you so calm?

“I’m sure you will alpha,” you chuckled.

Joel shook his head, pushing himself up as he continued, “I’m serious. He doesn’t get to just treat you or fucking any omega like that. M’gonna rip his fucking head off if I ever see him. Paul can’t have you, I will kill him for thinking that he ever could darling. I swear.”

Smiling, you rubbed at the whiskers on his cheeks. He looked up at you, eyes sharp as he willed you to understand that he was being completely serious. Joel was going to destroy Paul the second he came within fifty feet of you.

“I know Joel, that’s why I’m not worried. I trust you.”

He gasped. You trusted him? Given the story that you had just told him, you had no reason to trust anybody. And you trusted him? Joel Miller, of all people. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe that you were real. Any normal person would be broken by now, jagged and cracked from the weight of all that had happened. And here you were, with probably a million more stories that would make him want to scream, yet you were still a drop of sunshine.

“I think you might be one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, baby,” Joel said. And he meant it completely.

Laughing, you tried to protest and swat him away but he persisted.

“No stop - agh - wait shit, okay hold on honey,” he said.

Stopping to pull out, he flipped you on your back and loomed over you, caging you in between his forearms before he continued, “Most people would not have survived all of that, and if they did - shit honey, if they did they probably would have turned out a lot like me. Tired and mean. But you? You went through everything that you did, so much shit that I ain’t even heard yet probably, and you’re still… you.”

Tears formed in your eyes and you whined, pushing weakly against his chest to try to escape the intensity of the moment but Joel wouldn’t let you. He grabbed your face, leaning down to kiss everywhere he could.

“You’re kind,” Joel kissed your nose.

“You’re smart,” he kissed your left cheek.

“You’re strong,” he kissed your right cheek.

“You’re funny,” he kissed your chin.

“And you’re fucking beautiful,” he finished, leaning down to capture your lips.

The kiss was electric as your mouths moved together as one, that unsaid feeling growing bigger and bigger inside of Joel with each passing moment. He fought the urge to say it, those three little words that were getting hard to ignore. It was way too soon and right now, with you having just bared your soul to him and both of you sweating from the need rising again, he needed to wait. Lungs screaming for air, Joel pulled his lips from yours and panted against your mouth.

“Joel,” you whimpered as your heat demanded attention.

“Are you sure?” he asked, wary of spooking you after everything you had told him.

Nodding, you pushed some of his hair back as it fell into his eyes. He couldn’t get over how beautiful you were, hair laid out against the couch, eyes bright from tears, a dusting of pink over your cheeks, and the way you looked at him - fuck. If he had less self restraint, that look alone would be what made him tell you everything. And he meant everything. Everything about losing Sarah, about the shit he did with Tommy, about Tess and everything they got up to, about losing Ellie, about how he’s scared to lose you too, about how he lo-

“I need you Joel, please.”

Joel kissed you again, running his bandaged hands down the length of your body. He cupped one of your breasts and kissed his way down to suck a nipple into his mouth. You moaned, hands moving to cradle the back of his head as he switched between breasts. He kept at it until you were bucking against him. Taking the hint, he moved down your body until he reached your soaked cunt. It was still puffy and leaking from the brutal ride you had taken earlier, slick and cum mixed together in a way that had him growing impossibly harder. He wrapped a hand around himself absentmindedly, tugging at his cock to ease some of the tension before he grabbed you.

Repositioning you so that your ass was hanging off of the end of the couch, Joel kneeled in front of you. He ignored the slight ache that had already begun in his joints, throwing your legs over his shoulders before he dove in. Joel devoured every inch of you, the taste of the two of you mixed together driving him crazy. He reached up and grabbed your hands in his, letting you squeeze them as he feasted. Sucking and batting at your clit, Joel had you whining and clenching around nothing embarrassingly quick. He groaned as the clenching of your walls pushed slick and cum onto his tongue, bathing his face in juices.

“Joel, oh my- oooh shit,” you cried, throwing your head back as he moved down and shoved his thick tongue inside of you.

As Joel’s tongue lapped up everything inside of you, your hips began to grind against his face. He moaned as you rubbed your clit against his nose, cock throbbing at the thought of you using every inch of him that you could reach for your own pleasure. He needed to make you cum again. Rubbing his tongue along the front wall of your pussy and smushing his nose into your clit, he felt your thighs clamp down around his head. Joel was completely smothered by you but he didn’t care. With his face buried between your thighs and his hands holding yours, he felt like he could die a very happy man like this. A shudder passed through your body and you came with a groan, Joel letting you ride it out on his face.

He planned on continuing his meal, prefering to ignore his own rut as he feasted on your delicious core but the way you cried out to him had Joel clambering back over you. He looked down at you again with a shining face and you giggled, wiping off his mouth as you blushed.

“I was saving that for later,” Joel drawled.

You laughed, “Just come and get it from the source you dork.”

He snorted, moving forward to kiss you as you locked your ankles behind him. Holding himself at your entrance for a moment, he paused, waiting for your nod before he slowly pushed forward. Moans rushed out of the two of you, bodies finally coming together again. He felt like it had been years since he had been inside of you last, even though it had barely been five minutes.

“Fuuck. No place I’d rather be than inside of ya, baby,” Joel admitted.

“Don’t ever leave me Joel.”

That got his attention.

His eyes locked on yours and he grabbed your face. Kissing you again, Joel poured the three words that he couldn’t bring himself to say into you. Leave you? He tried not to laugh. How the fuck did you think he could ever do that? He’d rather die. Joel pulled away, watching your eyelids flutter before he attempted to stumble through his own feelings for you. His hips slowed their pace, halting altogether as he gathered his thoughts before speaking.

“Listen to me baby, I ain’t ever going to leave you. I need you. Before you, I was nothing. I came to this place hoping that I could hide away from the world until I died. This place was a fucking tomb for me. But now? Fuck, I couldn’t imagine my life without you. If you ever wanted to leave me I - fuck - it would kill me, but I’d let ya go if it would make you happy. But I will never leave you, d’ya understand?”

You blinked up at him with shining eyes and blushed, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth as you nodded. Satisfied, Joel kissed you again and restarted his slow thrusts. He kept his mouth on yours, letting his hands roam all over your body as he kept up his pace. Your soft, muffled moans had him breathless and he moved his hand down to play with your throbbing nub. A whine came from you and he smiled, moving to kiss your neck as he worked you steadily towards your release.

Out of all of the times the two of you had fucked so far, Joel decided that this was his favourite. Soft and sweet, with moans coming from both of you and bodies pressed together, he felt whole. You tugged at his hair with one hand, the other coming to rest over his heart as he continued his calculated thrusts. He felt you begin to tighten around him and he groaned, shifting so the tip of his cock steadily brushed over that sweet spot along your front wall.

“Please Joel,” you whimpered, pulling his curls again.

“What baby? What do you need? Tell me and I’ll give it to ya,” he asked urgently.

At this point, Joel was sure that he would give you anything you asked for.

“Kiss me.”

And so he did. Mouths melded and bodies writhing languidly against each other, he felt you begin to contract around him. He pressed down harder on your clit, knowing that he could get you there with just a little more pressure. His knot caught on your hole and he groaned as you locked your legs around him tighter, caging him in as he barreled towards the finish line. With one final swipe on the pulsing bud he slammed you down on his knot, making you scream as you came hard around him. Joel groaned as your walls milked him, collapsing on top of you as he came. His mind spun from the physical and emotional toll of the day as he sunk deeper into your embrace.

The two of you held each other as you both floated, pleasure boiling over again and again and again. Joel felt like he was in limbo, his ears ringing from the absolute bliss that surrounded him. He moaned as you rubbed the tense muscles in his back, hands smoothing over the scarred surface without mentioning the jagged lines. He moved his face into the crook of your neck, humming as he kissed and nipped at the sensitive skin. For what felt like the millionth time, Joel had to push down the desire to bite down, the thought of it making him flood your insides again as he whined against your neck. He wondered if you’d ever leave your mark on him. The thought of you sinking your teeth into his neck, of you claiming him as your alpha, made him grunt. Before he had even come down from his last orgasm, his knot was pulsing again, cock exploding one last time at the thought of him being truly yours.

Never, not once in his life, had he been so intimate with someone. Not with Sarah’s mom, not with Tess, not with any other of the countless names and faces that he had long since forgotten. Only you. Joel tried to think of any reason to stop himself but he couldn’t come up with a single one. Fuck it, he had to say it now or else he never would.

“I love you Joel Miller.”

Joel shot up onto his forearms as shock ran through him. He was slightly peeved that you had taken his line from him but mostly, all he felt was disbelief.

“Me?” he sputtered, thinking that the only logical explanation was that he must have misheard you.

“No, not you. I love the other Joel Miller,” you deadpanned, “Of course I mean you, dumbass!”

He laughed hard, uncaring of how it made him throb inside of you again as relief washed over him. You loved him. You actually loved him. Worries about all the things he had left unsaid started to bubble up to the surface but he pushed them from his mind, allowing himself to have this moment. Joel knew it was selfish, dreading the day that he would have to finally come clean about his past but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Joel felt drunk off of you, his chest aching with the overwhelming emotions that he thought had died with Ellie. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. Joel chose the first option, expecting you to follow him in his joy, but when he looked back down he noticed how your brow was pinched. He cocked his head as he saw your teeth worrying your bottom lip.

“What’s wrong darling?” he asked, silently praying that you wouldn’t take it back.

“Um, nothing. I just thought maybe - um, given everything you said I thought you might feel… Nevermind! Everything is great, super awesome,” you murmured, stumbling over your words as you shrunk in on yourself.

A beat passed before he swore and kicked himself for being a fucking idiot.

“I love you too,” Joel rushed out, his words jumbled with the urgency of the statement.

A goofy grin stretched over your face, “You do?”

“Yeah darling, I really do,” he chuckled, leaning down to kiss you once more.

The kiss was messy, with the both of you smiling too hard for it to deepen and laughing against each other's mouths. It was perfect. After a few moments, Joel pulled away and you groaned.

“You can’t be all romantic like that and then not makeout with me, it’s rude,” you complained.

Joel laughed again, shaking his head as he looked at you with warm eyes. His own laughter felt unfamiliar as it poured from his lips. He tried to remember if he had laughed in all the years that he had been in isolation. Did Tommy ever pull a laugh from him during their scheduled meets? No, the most he ever got from Joel was a forced smile as his brother tried to shove pictures of his nephew in his face. It was annoying, but he totally understood. Joel remembered being the dad that kept a ridiculous amount of pictures of baby Sarah in his wallet, jumping at the chance to show off his curly haired princess the moment anyone on a jobsite mentioned their family. He was proud that Tommy was that type of dad now too, but it didn’t exactly make laughter pour out from his mouth.

Suddenly, Joel realized just how joyless his life had been these past four years and it made his love for you grow that much more as he looked down at you.

“Maybe I wasn’t done romancing ya,” he drawled, his voice thick and syrupy.

“Is that so cowboy?,” you asked, smiling as you pushed his hair behind his ears.

He hummed, grinding his hips into you as you whimpered. Joel hissed, his softening cock starting to stiffen again as he pulled his half deflated knot out of you. The sudden loss made you claw at his shoulders, soft whines falling from your lips as he started to drag along your sensitive walls once more.

“Joel, ah - s’good. You feel so good. Fuuck, feels so big,” you moaned as he wrapped your legs around him again.

As Joel thrusted into you once more, he realized that your body was now bathed in moonlight. The sun must have gone down amidst your confessions and love making, he hadn’t even noticed it. Looking down, Joel’s eyes swallowed you whole. With your breasts jiggling as he pushed into you, bottom lip reddened from your teeth digging into it, slick matting the curls that covered your mound, he hiked your legs up over his hips. The action pulled a loud groan from you as he burrowed deeper inside. He admired the soft pudge of your stomach, preening at the knowledge that it was due to his cooking. Joel had provided for you, he had kept you fed and healthy. The thought almost drove him wild before he remembered.

A shriek came from you as Joel lifted you from the couch, his cock still nestled inside of you as he began to walk towards the kitchen. You squawked, holding on for dear life as he carried you. He tried to ignore the way you clenched around him at the action, his mind set on the task ahead of him.

“What - ungh,” you were cut off with a whine as he shifted your weight onto one arm, his cock bumping up against your cervix.

“M’gonna feed ya first, then I’m gonna fuck ya,” Joel said blankly, not understanding your confusion as he opened the pantry.

You whined and moaned as he ripped a package of oatmeal open with his teeth. He ignored your pleas as he reached forward to click the kettle on again. Joel carried you around as he readied your food, your pussy clenching as the wiry hairs at the base of his cock tickled your sore clit. It took everything in him not to start working you up and down on his dick, his teeth gritted as he slammed a bowl down onto the counter. He hissed and glared at you as you purposely clenched around him. It was tempting to drop everything and fuck you, but Joel refrained, his need to provide stronger than ever with his rut still burning through his veins.

“Daddy,” you mewled into his ear, the soft words making his fingers press into your hips harder.

“Eat first,” Joel grouched, his hand softly slapping the fat of your ass.

A garbled cry came from you, slick trickling down his thighs from the experimental smack. Joel smirked, completely ignoring the way you fussed against him as he dumped the dried oats and boiling water into the bowl. He turned and walked towards the table, hushing you as he placed you on the edge of it. He smiled wickedly as he cupped your cheeks, cooing at your teary eyes and stuttery pleas. You hiccuped, the desperate cries for his cock making something dark stir inside of him. He had planned on making you cockwarm him as you waited for the oats, but he abandoned the idea the moment he saw how fucked out you were. Fuck it, he thought, oats take like five minutes to rise anyways, right?

“Aw hush baby, s’alright. She needs me so bad doesn’t she? Pretty pussy can’t go very long without my cock huh?,” Joel cooed, the sickly sweet tone of his voice making you impossibly wetter.

You nodded, trying to buck your hips as he held you down on his cock. Joel tsked and pulled out of you fast, slick and cum dripping down your thighs as he flipped you around. You assumed the position, deepening the arch in your back and rising up on your tiptoes to present yourself to him invitingly. Joel growled at the sight, his cock dripping precum as he smacked your ass again. He grabbed your hair in his fist, making you tremble as he tapped the head of his cock against your clit.

“P-please alpha, I need you to - shit Joel - I need your cock in me,” you blubbered, fingers scrambling for purchase on the varnished wood.

Joel yanked your head up from its place against the cool surface, which earned him a wanton moan from you. He felt his more dominant side peeking through the cracks of his subconscious, making his palms itch as his imagination ran rampant. He swore, thinking about the box of tricks he had left under his bed in Austin. A grunt left him as he thought about how you might look gagged and collared.

Shit, he needed to get it together. Softening his demeanor for a moment, Joel loosened his grip and bent down to kiss the side of your sweaty face.

“This okay darling?,” he whispered in your ear.

You smiled, turning your head to capture his lips in a filthy kiss that had him shallowly thrusting into the tight fist of your wet cunt. Mouths panting as you pulled away, you wiggled your hips against him again.

“M’sure daddy, feels so good. Be rough with me, I trust you,” you pleaded.

Joel grinned, gripping your hair tight again and repositioning himself. He prodded at your entrance, moaning at how swollen and puffy your cunt looked. The hand not in your hair wrenched your cheeks apart and he watched as juices dripped down onto the floorboards below, your holes winking at him as his smile grew. You whined and he was quick to slap your pussy. The sting made a guttural cry tear out of your chest as your knees began to shake. Joel laughed as your hips rocked forward and then back, body seemingly confused as to whether it should be pulling away or pushing back against him.

“Hm, ‘think she liked that,” Joel observed, reaching out to gather your juices on his fingers before sucking them into his mouth.

“I can’t - oh fu - Stop teasing or else I swear m’gonna - AH!,” a squeal echoed throughout the room as his hand came down on your slickened lips again.

“Or else what baby, hm?,” the taunting in Joel’s voice made you clench as he pulled your hair again, “What are you gonna do? Rub that pussy against my things again? Gonna make daddy watch as you soak all the clothes you stole from him?”

You shook your head wildly, embarrassment making your cheeks burn but your pussy drool for him. It was a gamble, Joel degrading you like this, but boy was it paying off. With both hands, Joel slapped the sides of ass, making you choke on your spit and keen. He leaned forward and kissed your spine, taking mercy on you as you convulsed against the table.

Joel chuckled, smoothing his bandaged hands over your reddened cheeks before he said, “Ask me nicely baby. Be a good girl and I’ll give you what you need. C’mon, know you can do it.”

He gave you a second, letting you gulp down breaths as he ghosted his palms along the softer parts of your body. Your thighs, your stomach, your bruised hips, he gave attention to it all. For a moment, Joel wondered if he needed to elaborate on what he meant. After all, the entirety of your sex life had taken place in the span of less than 48 hours. But before he could rephrase his request, a small voice halted the words in his throat.

“Please daddy, don’t tease me. I need you, I need - ungh - It hurts alpha, need you to make it better. I’ll be a good girl for you, I’ll let you play with my - mmmph - with my pussy whenever you want. Just please baby, please fuck me.”

The plea made all the sense fly out of his head in an instant. With no warning whatsoever, Joel slammed his entire length into you. Not even giving you a second to breathe, he tugged your head up off the table by your hair and gripped your hip hard as he began to pound into you. The sounds coming from the two of you were ridiculously vulgar, a wet squelching sound came from your pussy as he spanked you again, his heavy sack slapping against your tender clit, moans and whimpers coming from the both of you. All of it had Joel pushing into you harder and faster.

The brutality of his thrusts had the table scooting across the floorboards and he pulled your body up against his. You leaned your head back against his shoulder and he gave you a wet kiss on your cheek, panting as he grabbed one of your breasts and shoved his thumb into your mouth. Pressing down on your tongue, Joel had the satisfaction of feeling you squeeze him as you gagged. He huffed out a laugh, surprised as he felt you milk his cock so soon.

“That soon babygirl? My cock making you feel that good huh?” he taunted.

A muffled cry answered him as you sucked on his thumb. Joel hissed, his cock twitching inside of you as he felt you twirl your tongue around the tip of it. It made him think about how good you would look choking on his length as he fucked your face, but he pushed that thought to the side. For now, he needed to make you cum again. You whined as he pulled his thumb from your lips, mumbling nonsense at him as he moved the wet digit down your body. Goosebumps rose on your skin from the trail of spit his thumb left behind. Joel shushed you again, his pace doubling as his thumb started to rub tight circles over your clit.

The joint in Joel’s jaw popped, his teeth gritting together hard as he felt his cock crying for release. He was so close, but he needed you to cum again before he lost it. Pressing his thumb down harder and rolling one of your nipples in his other hand, your whines turned to wheezes as his pace grew more erratic.

“Nngh - that’s it sweetheart - FUCK - Oh my god baby, shit. Love how this pussy feels around me, love you so fucking much. G-gonna cum in you, fuck - gonna make you mine. Wanna fucking claim you - ah! My girl. My. Dirty. Fucking. Girl,” Joel babbled, last four words enunciated with mind breaking thrusts.

You forced out a choked whimper that vaguely sounded like his name at his words. Joel marveled at how good you took him, slick steadily dripping down his thighs as he wrecked you. He grunted as your pussy began to lock up again, his balls tightening and knot catching at your entrance as he dragged you towards your peak.

“Joel - oh fuck! I love - ugh- love you too. Pleaaase, oooh fuuck,” you wheezed.

“Go on baby, fucking soak me. Oh shit - mmh - Show me how much you love my cock stretching you out. Cum for me sweet girl,” Joel ordered, spreading your lips between his soaked fingers with a V and bringing his palm down against your swollen clit hard.

The slap to your pussy had you howling, slick gushing around him as he thrusted up once, twice, before he shoved his knot where it belonged. Joel held you against him, his vision spotting as you both crashed over the edge. You cried out as he grinded into you, overstimulation making tears prick at his eyes as he filled you over and over but he couldn’t stop. The pleasure was so intense that Joel lowered your upper body onto the table below, scared that he was going to fall to his knees as his mind went blank. He folded forward, blanketing himself over your shaking form and kissing at your neck. You tilted your neck, urging him to bite down as he continued his soft kisses.

“Please Joel. C-Claim me. Wanna be yours,” you whined, pushing all of his buttons and making him release once more.

Joel’s eyebrows were pinched together, a rumbling noise coming from his chest as he nipped at your gland. His mind raced with the request and he fought against his own instincts as he continued to ghost his teeth over the spot, not quite putting enough pressure into his nips to seal the deal. You keened and begged, earning another, more painful orgasm from him.

“Darling, I can’t. Not right n-,” he started, sentence cut short from a loud sob.

“But I-I -You don’t w-want me? M’no good? I want to be good, please! I can be so good for you. P-please alpha,” you sobbed.

These cries were different and they sobered him quickly. With your heat and the rough pounding he had just given you, Joel knew you needed some extra care. Clumsily, with his legs still shaking, he lifted you. Groaning with the exertion, Joel suddenly felt very much his age as he stumbled forward. Almost tripping over a discarded boot, he managed to make it back to the couch and flopped down with you on top of him.

He grimaced as you unknowingly crushed his balls beneath your weight, his knot burning with a pitiful release that had him panting against your hair. You mewled and weakly gripped his cock, still sobbing as you weakly came around him again. Joel swore, moving carefully as he got the both of you on your sides. Your body shook as you cried and he wrapped his arms around you, tangling his legs with yours as he hugged you tight.

“Shhh sweet girl. That’s enough now. Course I want you, I’ll never want anyone but you ever again. Love you baby, ok? You did so good for me, so lucky to have you,” Joel praised, his words loving and soft.

You sniffed and calmed slightly, still trembling against him. Unsure of what else to do, Joel leaned forward and kissed your neck again but it backfired immediately. An even more heartbreaking wail came from you and Joel began to panic as your sweet scent soured.

“Y-you won’t claim me and I w-want you to be my,” a sob wracked your body before you could finish and he whined, the despair you felt seeping into him.

Joel leaned forward and kissed at your cheeks, trying to pull you from your misery as he continued to whisper calming words into the dark room.

“Darling, there is nothing I would rather do right now than bite down on that pretty neck of yours. Fuck, been thinking about it all day. Imagined how it’d feel for you to claim me, where you’d put your mark. I swear baby, there’s nothing I want more,” he confessed, head spinning as he let himself imagine it.

“Then why -”

“Because now ain’t the time. Not gonna let you make such a big decision when you’re in a heat, I’d never forgive myself. Baby, I love you. M’yours, I’ll always be yours. If you still want this when we’re right again, then we can talk about it. But not now honey, it wouldn’t be right,” he explained.

Your crying slowly stopped as Joel continued to whisper sweet nothings into your ear, body melting into his as the words sunk in.

“So,” you sniffed, “You would um… If my heat wasn’t a thing right now, you’d want to? You’d really want me like that? Forever?”

Joel leaned forward, nosing at your hair and breathing you in before he sighed, “I’ve never thought about claiming anyone, not until you. If that’s what you want after this, I’ll be there with bells and whistles on. Nothing I wouldn’t do to make you happy darling.”

“You’d do anything to make me happy?,” you asked dreamily.

He propped himself on his side, locking eyes with you as he pushed sweaty strands from your flushed face, “F’course honey, anything. What do you need? Tell me.”

You yawned, soft lips forming an O as you arched and stretched against him. Rubbing at your eyes, you hummed before looking back up at him. Joel smiled at your gaze, warmth spreading out from his chest and making his limbs numb.

“I wanna nap with you and then I want you to make me something other than oatmeal please. Fucking hate oatmeal,” you grumbled, shoving him back down and pulling his arms around you again.

Joel chuckled at that, snuggling against you as you matched his laugh.

“Think that can be arranged sweetheart.”

With that you hummed, pulling one of his bandaged hands up to your lips and kissing it before closing your eyes. Despite the sweetness of the moment, Joel tried to stay awake. He was suddenly very aware of the open space he was in, but it was difficult as the last few rounds had exhausted him. In his younger years, he probably would be up and going again already, but now his knees ached and sleep lurked in the corners of his mind. He fought against it with every fiber of his being, needing to stay alert for your sake.

Despite his attempts at fighting off sleep, Joel had come to realize that you could read him like a book. It was unnerving at times, as he was not used to being such an open book to anyone, but you picked up on his moods easily. Before Joel could spiral and trudge back out into the snow, he felt a hand reach back to scratch at his scalp. He groaned as his body grew heavier.

“Stop thinking so hard Joel. Go to sleep.”

Joel tried to protest but it died in his throat, the hand in hair making his eyes droop no matter how hard he fought. He managed to murmur a soft love you before sleep took him, your quiet reply making him smile as he drifted off.

Paul could wait until tomorrow. For now, Joel just needed you close to him.

“Please, I don’t know anything about where she went! I already told you - agh!”

“See, I want to believe you, omega. But it’s hard when I remember how close the two of you were. She even spoke out when you tried to run away from my brother.”

Jake’s body shook, the cold air making the blood dripping from his broken nose turn freeze on his chest. He whimpered as Paul got closer, trying to shoot a pleading look at Cooper but it was no use. His mate was always complicit with whatever his brother wanted. He looked back at Jake with a mask of indifference, but he could see the twinkle of regret buried deep behind the cold pools of green. Cooper would apologize to him later as he cleaned the blood from his face, pitiful tears falling down the alpha’s face as he worked. Not that it mattered, Paul was always in control.

Jake was brought back to reality as Paul gripped his hair, slamming him against the car. An oomph came from the omega as it knocked the air out of him.

“You said that the two of you got separated when the infected ambushed the group. You saw that haggard old bitch and her mate get torn apart, then what? Where the fuck did she go?” Paul hissed as he shook Jake in his grasp.

A yelp fell from Jake’s mouth as he was dropped on the frozen ground, his tailbone smarting as it smacked against the concrete. His whole body felt raw from running for weeks, dodging infected and raiders as he tried to find a safe place to lay his head at night. He was almost happy when he found Cooper. Sure, he wasn’t his first choice in mate but Cooper had never raised a hand against him. Jake had taken the first few steps towards his mate, tripping over the rotting clothes that littered the floor of the shop he had been holed up in. Cooper’s eyes had widened at him, motioning at him to stop and mouthing the word run. Jake was flabbergasted until Paul had come around the corner, then he understood. That was two weeks ago and Jake wished everyday that he had listened to Cooper, his absolute pushover of a mate.

Everyday he was poked and prodded at by Paul, who was obsessed with the idea of getting you back. You slipping from his grasp had made him increasingly unpleasant. Just over a week ago, Jake had watched as Paul had threatened one of his men that questioned his search with a gun to his face. Cooper had sucked his teeth at that, shaking his head as he watched the greasy man stumble off in the direction Jake had seen you run towards.

He couldn’t understand it. It’s not like you could’ve survived being out in the woods for so long, especially now with the snowstorm that had just swept through the trees. They probably wouldn’t even be able to find a body at this point. The thought made his vision grow blurry, his chest aching at the thought of his best friend's corpse buried beneath a blanket of snow, but he shook it off. Better you were dead than here with him.

Paul sighed, walking back towards where Cooper stood and clapping him on the back. His mate winced slightly from the force of it but righted himself before Paul could notice.

“You’re lucky you’re already mated Jakey-Jake or maybe I’d have to teach ya some manners. Clearly Coop here ain’t training ya right,” Paul sneered as he shook his little brother’s shoulder.

Cooper blinked at that and Jake willed him to respond, to finally put an end to his brother’s behavior. But he just swallowed and looked down at his feet, kicking the snow with the heel of his boot. A wave of sadness washed over the omega as he watched Cooper’s hands turn to fists at his sides, gulping hard under Paul’s scrutiny. Seemingly satisfied with taunting his brother, Paul turned to Jake as he began to weep. His eyes narrowed once more as he walked back towards his trembling figure.

“Full story from the top. Leave anything out and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

#alpha!joel miller #angst #comfort #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #omega reader #a/b/o dynamics #joel miller smut #smut #joel tlou #tlou fanfic #joel miller x female reader #fluff and smut #fluff and humor #soft joel miller

42 notes · View notes

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 1 month

Text

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 5 Summary:

You wake the next morning to find Joel gone, your heat now lighting up every nerve ending in your body. Meanwhile Joel, sent into a frenzy by your unexpected visitor, works to fortify your position. After slicing his hand on a piece of barbed wire, he returns to the cabin only to be met with a sight that has his knees weak. Can Joel keep his distance?

Warnings: Bad dreams, brief mentions of past abuse/violence, reader has a fucked up past y'all, heats, hurt/comfort, and SMUT, sooo much smut (Minors, DNI please)

A/N: Howdy y'all! I hope all of you have had an amazing week :) Things are heating up (no pun intended) between you and Joel. But first, a nightmare about reader's time in the pit. As always, take care of yourself first! Trigger warning for the dream but you can scroll through the first bit if that bothers you. Moving forward, major smuttyness brought to you by yours truly, enjoy!

Chapter 5/20

Chapter 5: Hunger

“You know, your mother has been worried sick about you for the past two months.”

The light that framed Josiah’s figure was blinding and you squinted at him as your eyes struggled to adjust to the light. The room that they had been keeping you in was windowless and dark, with cement walls being your only company aside from the guards for the past few weeks. Or was it months? The days blurred together as you wasted away in the pit, the cold hard floor soothing your aching bruises as you tried to keep a hold of your sanity.

“I guess I should have expected as much, the guards told me that you haven’t been answering their questions no matter what… techniques they use,” he mused, moving forwards into the cell.

You scooted back, trying to put as much distance between you as you could. Your back hit the wall and you wrapped your arms around your knees, watching as Josiah crouched down in front of you. His pale blue eyes raked over your figure, a look of disgust turning down the corners of his mouth. Josiah sighed, shaking his head before grabbing your face. His bloated fingers pinched your chin and you tried not to wince, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of knowing that you were uncomfortable.

“When I took you and your mother in, I had believed you to be a little angel. You were always so sweet as a little girl but the second you presented, I knew that you would be trouble. Always sneaking off with that other omega, defying your mother and I and speaking out of turn,” he tsks, pinching your face until you groaned in pain.

Josiah let go of your face, pushing your head back so that it smacked against the concrete behind you. A sharp crack of pain made tears begin to form on your lash line, and you tried your hardest not to let them fall as he sneered at you. Josiah stood, towering over you for a moment before moving back to lean against the wall across from you.

“You know what I said to myself the last time you gave me cheek? I said, Josiah, that girl needs an alpha. A strong one like yourself to keep her in line, someone who keeps the faith and does not spare the rod. Lord knows she needs a good whooping every now and again,” Josiah said.

A laugh came out of your mouth before you could stop it, the sound broken and hollow from the dryness burning your throat. After the physical punishments had failed, the guards had begun to starve you out. You didn’t even remember the last time you had anything in your system but you knew it was too long as your stomach pinched itself and grumbled for food.

Josiah cocked an eyebrow at you, glaring down at you before he said, “You will be mated to Paul. He will keep you in line and get you back to the Lord’s embrace. That is not up for discussion. The only question is when. If you give up everyone who helped you leave, then I will let you go back to your husband and the two of you can solidify the bond as God intended.”

“He is not my fucking husband, I never said yes at that stupid ceremony,” you seethed.

“No, but I did, and I am your father. Omegas don’t get a say, you know that. Now, I’ve talked to Paul and luckily he’s willing to forget your little runaway act. He said he would chalk it up to typical hysteria and let it go, as long as you humble yourself and be the good little wife that you were made to be,” Josiah said calmly, barely acknowledging your outburst.

“I. Am. Not. Your. Property,” you said, ennunciating each word as you scowled at your stepfather.

Josiah laughed, reaching back and knocking at the wall behind him. A group of guards crowded the doorway and looked towards him, clearly waiting for some sort of instruction.

“Oh I know you aren’t my property anymore, you’re a married woman now. But unfortunately for you, sweet daughter, your husband has been wronged. You owe him a debt, and you disappeared before he could collect. Now, it’s my job as leader in our community to right wrongs, which means sometimes I have to remind people of their place,” he spat before turning and murmuring something to the men in the doorway.

Two of the guards moved forward and grasped your arms, dragging you upwards as you thrashed. Josiah just stood there chuckling as the guards struggled to keep you from getting away.

“Don’t worry, you’ll learn soon enough,” he said before he focused on the guards trying to wrangle you, “Throw her in the sweatbox, see if that jogs her memory at all.”

“NO!,” you screamed as they yanked you down the hall, tears pouring down your cheeks at the thought of the cursed space.

The sweatbox was infamous within the community, tales from those that survived it becoming a powerful deterrent for everyone else. After being thrown into it three times since your capture, you understood why. Unbearably hot and cramped, the tiny room felt like you were confined on the surface of the sun. You begged the guards through your sobs, remembering the smell of your depleted body and how you had to sit in your own filth for days before they dragged you back to your cell. The guards paid no attention to your cries, barely even looking at you as they shoved you into the room.

“PLEASE! NO! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!,” you screamed.

You pounded on the metal door, feeling claustrophobic already in the room that gave you just enough space to sit with your knees folded into your chest. Sweat had already begun to trickle down your back from the heat. You jolted back, the peephole suddenly being ripped open. Josiah’s eyes met yours from the outside, his gaze unwavering and cold.

“I hope you confess your sins soon child, before Paul comes to me to inquire about a new mate,” he snapped.

“Please,” you begged, all of the fight in you depleted from fear.

“Repent or he’ll have no use for you. Sinful omegas beget sinful pups, you’d be wise to remember that. I’d hate to have to comfort your mother because your husband decided he wanted a more… accommodating wife,” Josiah warned, his voice low and daunting.

Before you could respond to his threat, he slammed the peephole shut, leaving you blind in the dark heat once more.

A gasp escaped your lips as you shot up, sweat pouring down your face as your damp clothes clung to your frame. Your eyes wheeled around the room as you tried to remember where you were. Bookshelves, carvings, a guitar, the worn sofa and throw blankets. You sighed as you remembered that you were with Joel, you were safe. Josiah was dead and Paul? Well, hopefully he was dead too.

You wiped your brow, the sweat still dripping from your hairline and you tried to calm your racing heart. Standing, you started towards the bedroom in search of Joel but a sharp pang from your core had you dropping down to your knees in front of the couch. You whined, clutching your stomach as a bright and pulsing ache screamed at you from your core.

“Joel?,” you croaked, suddenly feeling very vulnerable.

No answer.

Where was he? You tried to call out again but another wave hit you, forcing wetness to drip down your quaking thighs. You looked down and groaned, realizing what was causing the storm brewing under your thin shorts.

“JOEL?!,” you cried out more urgently, now needing him for an entirely different reason.

When no answer arrived, you braced yourself on the couch before stumbling into the bedroom in search of him. Leaning into the wall for support, you inched towards the door as waves of slick soaked through your bottoms. Finally making it, you pushed the door open only to be met with the smell of something sharp and sterile. You stood in the doorway, bewildered at the smell of cleaning products.

And then it all came back to you.

The man grabbing you, the struggle, breaking away and throwing the vase in his direction, ripping at his hair as he tried to push his grimy hands up Joel’s shirt, being dragged down the hallway as you wailed and fought, him climbing on top of you and you beating at his chest as panic overwhelmed you, him raising his hand to slap you before he was torn away.

You stared at the floor, remembering how Joel had defended you. You listened when he instructed you to go, but you had only made it about halfway down the hall before you stopped. A sense of protectiveness had shot through you, what if Joel needed your help? What if the man got the jump on him? You had turned on your heel and crept back into the room just in time to watch Joel snap the neck of your attacker. You hated to admit it, but as you watched his hulking frame tower over the other alpha, a twinge of desire had sparked from your core before you remembered the ordeal that you had just been through.

Now, with the body gone and nothing left behind besides the stinging scent of lemon, the memory made you feel weak. Joel had protected you, he had provided, he had even comforted you afterwards and covered you in his own scent. You groaned at the thought, forcing yourself towards the bed. Flopping down, you expected to be greeted by the usual aroma of Joel only to find clean sheets devoid of the alpha.

You cried out, shoving your face into the covers and trying to find any trace of him, but it became clear that he had stripped the bed after disposing of the intruder. Your core burned, sending painful jolts of desire as panic began to needle its way into your chest.

Moving on autopilot, you ripped open the door to the closet. Stooping down, you collected all of the stolen clothes that you had been hiding from Joel. You shoved your face into the worn fabric, whining at the smell before dumping them on the bed. Tearing into the living room, you collected everything you could, bringing back every blanket or pillow that smelled even remotely like him. You even snagged the bath towel that hung in the bathroom for your pile. Semi-satisfied, you went to work, adjusting the items just so before your instincts signaled that the nest was complete.

You sighed, feeling slightly less panicked but still nervous at Joel’s absence. You wondered briefly if you should go find him but the jolts coming from your soaking folds were enough to dissuade you of the notion. Instead you crawled into the center, cocooning yourself in Joel’s musk as a fresh wave of slick had you shimmying out of your clothes and flinging them to the floor.

Grabbing at one of his well worn flannels, you breathed in his scent before shoving it in between your legs. Any sense of shame long since gone, you keened as your pulsing clit rubbed against the harsh fabric. You thought of Joel cutting the wood, of him providing for you so well, of him towering over the man, of him sucking at your neck, of him calling you his. You rocked your hips against the flannel, your clit catching on it and sending sparks up your spine as you tried to imagine it was Joel that you were rubbing yourself against.

As you ground your hips down hard, with thoughts of Joel swirling through your mind and your heat growing in intensity, you tried hard not to let his absence worry you. Instead you focused on the friction building and the pleasant smell that overwhelmed your frantic senses.

- Joel -

“Fuck,” Joel hissed, a sharp sting erupting from his hand as he caught his flesh on the wire.

Holding it up to examine, Joel watched as his blood began to trickle from his rough palm down to his rolled up sleeve. He cussed again, sighing as he tore a strip from the t-shirt hidden under his sweater. As Joel wrapped up his fist, he took a moment to focus on his breathing. Trying to calm his pounding heart, he tried not to think of what was waiting for him back at the cabin.

Joel had woken that morning confused. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept without having his cruel memories jerk him back to consciousness. He had slept peacefully for the first time in a very long time, but his neck was fucking killing him. He groaned, cursing himself for getting so old. Lifting his head from the soft pillow that cradled his face, Joel propped himself up on his elbows.

It took him a moment longer to notice you as his eyes adjusted to the early morning light that poured in from the windows, but then he did. His breath caught in his throat as he hovered over your sleeping form, watching your calm face and how your skin glowed with a light sheen of sweat. Looking down, Joel’s eyes widened as he realized where his face had been buried. A drool mark darkened the fabric across your chest, and he groaned as the fragrant air tickled his nose. Peppermint and lavender made his mouth water and his cock stir to life.

Joel suddenly became very aware of how close he was to you. Your legs framed his hips, one hand loosely grasping the curls on the back of his head and the other laid upon his shoulder. He could feel the twitching in his pants responding to the feeling of your heated core against him, the wet fabric staining his jeans. It took everything in him to keep himself from grinding up against you.

Joel imagined the gasp he would pull from your mouth as the seam of his jeans brushed against your throbbing clit. He imagined the way your eyes would blink open, squinting from the sun for a moment before zeroing in on him. He imagined grinding down against you once more, just to hear you moan, before capturing your soft lips. He - Fuck.

Hips jerking back, Joel broke himself from the fantasies that were making his dick throb and leak into his jeans. He needed to get it together before he worked himself into a rut, your fever already clawing into the base of his being and drawing out his most primal instincts.

As easily as he could, Joel extradited himself from your embrace. Stopping only momentarily to cover your sleeping body in a blanket, he moved forward and kissed your forehead. He gasped softly as he pulled away, an unfamiliar feeling wrapping around his heart but he shook it off, trying to push it as far from his mind as he could as he stood up.

Quietly as he could, Joel had cleared the corpse and any proof that it had ever existed away from the cabin. He had worked diligently, almost growling at the memory as he covered the floor in harsh chemicals to pull the scent of your attacker from the wood grain. The contractor in him was shouting at him not to pour the scented cleaner over the finished wood but he ignored it.

After finishing, he debated on what to do next. He stood over the couch for a moment, watching you sleep as he weighed his options. On one hand, he could crawl back over you and nuzzle himself into your sleeping form. He was sure that you would welcome him. On the other, a creeping sense of danger was making bile rise in his throat. He needed to keep you safe.

Joel had left you, his need to keep you safe overwhelming the confusing emotions that you were eliciting from him. Taking into the surrounding trees, he moved quickly, setting up new traps and fencing around the cabin. He prayed that you wouldn’t go wandering off anytime soon, dreading having to unravel you from chicken wire.

With his hand throbbing and sweat covering his body, Joel knew it was time to go back. Turning back, he tried to go through every scenario in his head. You would be awake, it was too late in the morning for you to be still asleep. The thought of facing you made him attempt to slow his pace, but his nerves ensured that he reached the steps in record time. Joel stood at the front door for a moment, trying to steel himself before opening it. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his good hand momentarily before turning the handle.

- You -

A fire raged in between your legs, tears flowing down your flushed face as your rutted against Joel’s towel. Leaning forward, you buried your face into the fabric surrounding you, huffing at the smell of him. Your hips worked frantically, whining as the rough fabric scratched at your swollen nub. Heat gathered at your center, pulling everything tight before a weak pulse of pleasure inched its way out of your glistening folds.

Slick covering your thighs, you cried out in frustration. The smell of the absent alpha surrounded you, driving you into a frenzy. The towel that you rubbed yourself against was a poor excuse for the man who plagued your mind. The heat returned immediately, the pain making you grasp at the walls of your makeshift nest and whimper.

“Jooooel,” you sobbed, a fresh wave of tears accompanying the slick pouring from in between your legs.

“Christ darling.”

You gasped, scrambling to turn and face the gravelly voice. Flipping around, you moaned at the sight of him.

Joel’s cheeks were bright red, sweat made his t-shirt cling to his chest, and his hands were clenched at his sides. You watched as he gulped, his gaze finding yours momentarily before raking down your naked body. You should be embarrassed, but as you watched how his eyes turned black as he watched your breasts heave from exertion and how he licked his lips at the drops of slick rolling down your thighs, you felt a boost of confidence surge through you. The way he looked at you made you feel wanted, sexy even, something you had never felt before.

“Joel, please,” you called to him softly, a coy smile gracing your lips as you crawled towards the edge of the bed to meet him.

You rose and placed your hands against his chest, leaning into him. Joel stood there motionless as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, clearly warring with himself as you wrapped your arms around his neck. With you scratching at the nape of it, he closed his eyes momentarily and let out a low moan. Hands twitching at his sides, he sighed before snapping them back open. Joel’s gaze was pleading as your face inched towards his. You stopped inches away from his lips, doubt creeping up through the tension that crackled in the stifling air. The doubt didn’t last long as Joel surprised you by surging forward.

A soft noise came from you as Joel crashed his lips against yours in a soft yet determined kiss. His hands came up, one cradling the back of your neck and the other yanking your hips against his. You moaned into Joel’s mouth and he took the opportunity to tease your tongue with his own. Burning desire made your thighs shake as you clawed at the hem of his shirt.

Breaking away momentarily, Joel ripped his shirt off before picking you up off of the bed. You yelped, giggling before your eyes rolled into the back of your head. A pathetic whimper crawled out of your throat as Joel began to mouth at your neck, the hardness of his length pressing against your bare core as he carried you over to the dresser. Placing you on top of it, Joel broke away again.

Whining, you tried to capture his lips again but he pulled you back with the grip he had on the back of your neck.

“I need you to tell me that you want this baby, I need you to tell me now. ‘Cuz once I start,” Joel groaned, leaning forward to whisper in your ear, “I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”

Your thighs clamped against his hips, bucking up to grind yourself against the harsh denim. Eyes rolling back, your nails dug into Joel’s shoulders as he sucked angry marks into your sensitive skin. You tried to muster up a coherent response but all that came out of your mouth was something between a wail and a shout.

Joel chuckled darkly, moving his head back to hold your face in one of his large palms. With his breath fanning over you and scarred chest on full display, you whined as his other hand moved down the length of your shuddering form. You carded your fingers through the smattering of hair on his chest, absentmindedly tracing over a random scar that formed an angry line as he rubbed soothing circles into your hips and thighs. He caught your hand with his own, making you meet his piercing gaze. A shudder ran down your spine from the way he looked at you. The name for that look rattled around your brain as Joel pulled your hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it gently. You gasped as you watched him place it over his thundering heart.

“Tell me darling, please. I can’t - you need to tell me that you want me. Please, I need to know that I can have ya,” Joel begged, the desperation in his voice making you dizzy.

Gripping the back of his neck, you pulled him closer and kissed him hard. A soft hum came from him, his lips moving in tandem with yours as you tried to meld your bodies together. Ankles locking behind his back, you dug your heels into him to pull his hips into your own. This kiss was different, longing rolled off of the both of you like waves and crashed together as hands and mouths explored one another.

You leaned back to catch your breath, watching as the string of spit that connected you stretched and broke. Eyes meeting once more, you suddenly couldn’t wait any longer. You needed him. You’ve needed him since the first day you met him. Hell, maybe you had always needed him, but that was too much to think about right now. Not as your abdomen cramped and a heat like no other screamed at you to rip open the rough denim that pushed against you.

“Please alpha, I need you to fill me up. Make me yours Joel, please, please, please,” you cried as your shaky hands tried and failed to unbutton his jeans.

Joel let out a feral moan before he launched himself towards you. Desperate now, Joel kissed you passionately, his teeth clacking against yours as he devoured you. He nibbled on your bottom lip before delving his tongue in to taste you, making your head spin and body ache with desire. Sucking on your tongue, Joel reached up to cup one of your breasts in his hand. He pinched your nipple between his fingers, rolling the nub and hardening it.

Panting, you broke away to whine, “Please Joel.”

He hummed, leaning forward to kiss your neck once more before trailing his lips down your body. His mustache prickled your skin, leaving goosebumps in his wake as he moved to wrap his lips around the opposite nipple. You cried out and flung your hands up to pull at his locks, eliciting a devastating moan from him. His other hand came up to play with your other breast as he sucked and bit at your now reddened nub. Joel kept up his attention on your breasts for what felt like ages as you begged. He laughed softly as you thrashed below him, letting up only to switch sides. Tears had begun to fall from your eyes, your frustration making you wiggle so much that the dresser knocked into the wall behind you. Joel chuckled again before pulling back to look at you properly.

“You’re some squirrelly today darling,” he drawled, playing with the curls that covered your mound as you arched into him, “Something on your mind?”

You whined and bucked, a frustrated noise leaving your lips as you playfully smacked his shoulder. Joel chuckled darkly, kissing your cheek sweetly before picking you up once more and tossing you on the bed. You flopped against it ungracefully, sitting up only to be knocked over as he grabbed you by the ankles and pulled you to the edge of the bed. Shivering as Joel stood over you, his eyes feasted on your vulnerable state. You gulped, beginning to feel self conscious at his primal gaze.

“So fucking beautiful baby,” Joel breathed, moving to hover over you before leaning down and trailing his lips across your heated skin.

He kissed over the scars and stretch marks, admiring the patch of hair above your seam for a moment before he pressed his nose into the curls and breathed in, moaning loudly as he rested his cheek against your thigh. Whining again, you begged him to crawl back up your body but he stayed put. Instead, you felt him pry your damp legs apart.

“W-what are you doing?,” you asked through a gasping breath, hands clutching the sheets below you.

“M’gonna make you feel good darling, get you all nice and ready for me,” he said softly before he leaned forward and licked a long stripe up your seam.

A garbled, “Joel!,” left your mouth as he shoved his face into your core.

Stubble chafing the inside of your thighs, you writhed on the bed as Joel’s long strokes had you pulsating. Feeling you grow impatient, he switched to calculated flicks, making your clit jump and a garbled moan bounce off the walls. Your mind was completely blank, the only coherent thought that you had was Joel, Joel, Joel, Joel…

He was ravenous, sucking on your throbbing nub before moving down to shove his tongue into your core. You felt him crook his tongue inside of you, lapping up the slick that poured out of you. Hands flying to his hair, you shouted his name as he moved up again to suck at your clit, his fingers moving to breach your entrance.

“J-Joel - AH! Oh my god, please Joel. I - fuuuuck,” you wailed as he slid one, then two fingers inside of you.

You had never been so full in your entire life. You had never been filled, period. Always nervous to try, warnings about purity haunting you even during the heights of your heats, you had satisfied yourself by grinding against whatever pillow or blanket you could find. Now, with two of Joel’s thick fingers pumping inside of your hole, and his mouth sucking and flicking at your clit, you felt a blinding pressure building embarrassingly fast.

Nervous of the intense feeling building inside of you, you tried to scooch your hips back on the bed but Joel’s free arm clamped down over your mid section. Now, with his forearm pressing against your abdomen and his relentless pace doing wonders on your aching core, you had no choice but to feel the entirety of the pleasure that Joel was ripping from you.

“C’mon baby, make that pussy cry for me, I know you can. You want to be a good girl for me, right sweetheart?,” Joel asked sweetly, his words making your head spin as his fingers picked up their pace inside of you.

“Fuuuck yes, I wanna be good. I’ll be so good for you Joel. Please, please, please,” you sobbed, hips twitching with the pressure building inside of you, begging to be released.

Joel’s fingers hooked against your walls, the calloused pads of his fingertips rubbing over a devastating spot inside of you that had you practically convulsing on the bed. Your heart rate sped up, blood pumping in your ears so loud that you could barely hear his response.

“Good girl, now cum for me darling,” Joel said sternly, the tone of his voice making something inside of you melt as he lowered his mouth back down and sucked your clit hard.

You wailed, hands pushing Joel’s skull into your center and heels digging into his back as you trembled. You barreled towards the precipice, letting yourself be overcome by Joel as you gushed around his digits. Babbling nonsense at him, you gasped and squeezed his fingers. Pleasure rocked through you, fraying all of the nerve endings in your body as Joel fucked you through it. His pace never faltering, he kept his mouth and fingers going even after the last contraction had weakly clutched him. Suddenly feeling the overstimulation, you whined and pushed at his head, trying to wiggle out from under his strong hold.

“Quit it, I ain’t done,” Joel growled, his voice muffled as he spoke into your folds.

The switch in Joel’s demeanor had your head spinning. He had always been so gentle with you, a true southern gentleman. Now, with his fingers pistoning roughly inside of your core, the wet sound of his hand smacking against your center echoing throughout the room, his presence was menacing. It only made you want him more.

Any protest that you had soon vanished from your mind as Joel doubled down on his efforts. He sucked your poor clit in between his lips again, batting it with his tongue as he slid a third finger into you. You yelped at the sudden fullness, lungs fighting for air as your second orgasm barreled towards you. Black dots filled your vision as you tore at his scalp, worrying for a moment about hurting him before a feral noise sent vibrations through your pussy.

“Fuuuck, Joooooel. Oh my - I fucking lo - oh my goood,” you moaned.

Joel hummed, the vibrations of it buzzing against your clit and sending you flying off the deep end. You gasped, throwing your head back as your core locked his fingers in place, squeezing them almost painfully as ecstasy had you twisting in his grasp. You could hear him groan as more slick soaked his face, Joel slurping it up and prolonging the blinding pleasure that had you mumbling nonsense.

Finally slowing, Joel carefully pulled his fingers from your core as you hissed. Bringing them up to his face, your eyes followed his movements as he separated them to watch the strings of arousal gleam in the daylight. His eyes met yours, a smirk forming on his face before he sucked his glistening fingers into his mouth. You gasped at the sight, having never seen anything like it. Moaning at the taste, Joel’s eyes raked over you as you laid panting and naked in front him.

Weakly, you reached a hand out to him and he took it in his larger one, kissing the back of it sweetly before crawling up your body. With his lips kissing up your sternum, the heat was back now despite your two previous releases. Your hips bucked into him as he ran his teeth across the sensitive skin below your ear. Joel moaned at the friction, grinding his hips down into yours as he teased your gland. You wordlessly willed him to bite down, to seal the claim he already had over you, but he refrained.

“Never thought I’d have ya like this darling. So sweet, so smart, so soft, and all fucking mine,” he mumbled, bruising your neck with his teeth.

“Y-your, m’yours Joel. Please, I’ve never had someone like this. I-I-I need you, please, I need you to fuck me,” you begged, finally managing to shove his pants down his hips and gasping as his hard cock sprung from its confines.

As you reached to grab it, Joel grabbed your hand and your eyes flicked up to meet his own. You whined, wanting to feel the warm length that pulsed against your slicked thigh. You were not an expert by any means, but you knew Joel was fucking huge and it made your mouth water. Pretty and thick, with veins running down the sides, a trimmed patch of curly hair gathering at the base, and a glob of precum pearling at his reddened tip, you needed to touch him. You fought against Joel’s hold on your hand but he demanded your attention.

Joel’s chest heaved and you could tell he was fighting against his own instincts by stopping, but he pushed through, gripping your face and looking deep into your eyes. You stared back at him in confusion, frustrated as you wondered what the hold up was.

“Darling is this - have you never, uh… What do you mean you ain’t never had someone like this?,” Joel asked through panting breaths, the hair on his chest brushing up against your sensitive nipples.

“Because I haven’t. I was with everyone at camp and then I was on the run, now m’here. Never wanted anyone before, never needed anybody before you,” you whispered, suddenly feeling shy as his eyes widened at your admission.

“Shit,” Joel swore, blanching as he rolled off of you.

“W-what?,” you croaked, eyes watering as he distanced himself from you again.

You hauled yourself up and slid into his lap, chasing him without even thinking about it. Joel cursed, his bare cock now seated in between your folds as he tried to keep your hips from moving against his painfully hard cock. You whined, weakly shifting to try and spark some sort of friction between you as he hissed through his teeth.

“Darling, f-fuck, I wouldn’t of done it like that if - oh sweet Jesus,” Joel groaned as you managed to rip one of his trembling hands off of your hips.

Determined, you held his hand above his head as you rubbed your soaking seam against him, moaning as your clit caught on the tip of his dick. A fresh wave of slick coated him as you moved, helping you grind into Joel as he bit his bottom lip to keep his moans from spilling out.

“I need you Joel. M’yours. Fuuuck, and you’re mine. This is all fucking mine, nobody else’s,” you growled, shocking the both of you as a wave of possessiveness washed over you.

Something clicked in Joel’s brain as the words tumbled from your lips. Finally having enough, Joel flipped you on to your back and loomed over you. Pools of black boring into your soul, your walls fluttered against the emptiness his fingers left behind. As Joel watched your pussy twitch, you could practically hear the gears turning in his head before he came to a decision.

“If you want me to stop, you tell me. If I’m hurting ya, you fucking tell me. Got it?,” Joel said seriously, making sure that your eyes met as he said it.

Nodding before he had even stopped talking, you locked your ankles behind his back as he hiked your legs over his hips, bodies unbearably closer now. Joel leaned down, lips ghosting over yours as the need for him to fill you had you squirming against the solid wall of his chest.

“Say it baby,” he chided gently.

“Please Joel, I need you,” you whispered as your noses brushed against each other, his honeyed tone making your heart flutter.

Joel kissed you fiercely and let one hand move down to run his fingers through your slit. He gathered up all the slick he could before he used it to pump himself, spreading your arousal up and down the length of him. He finally broke the intoxicating kiss, panting as he pressed himself against your opening, carefully pushing himself in the first few inches. Sweat began to form at your hairline as your body struggled to accommodate his size. Not only was Joel long but he was thick, your body fought against the intrusion as you winced. Joel grunted, clearly struggling as you squeezed him like a vice.

“Fuck darling, you gotta - shit - you gotta relax and let me in,” Joel hissed, his brow furrowing as he tried to keep himself still.

You nodded, moaning as he moved to capture your lips once more. As soft lips moved against yours and tongues mingled, you forgot about the heavy weight of his cock inside of you. With you distracted by his passionate kiss, Joel was able to slide in a few more inches. More slick came to greet him as your hole stretched and your fingernails left angry red lines down his back. Feeling emboldened by your response, Joel pushed through the last bit of resistance, sliding home and nestling himself in the cradle of your hips.

“Fuck you’re so tight, fucking choking my cock darling. Jesus, little pussy’s so wet,” Joel whined unabashedly in your ear.

You moaned, not used to Joel being so vocal. It was driving you crazy. His dirty words, mixed with the feeling of him carving out a space for himself inside you, had you nearing your end already. Mind long gone, you keened and tried to fuck yourself on him, pathetic little jolts to your hips making him gasp and groan.

“Please fuck me Joel. I can take it, I swear. I’ll be good, I’m your good girl, I’m - oh!,” you cried out as Joel threw your legs over his shoulders, moving himself back carefully before thrusting forward again.

His pace was slow but his thrusts hard, knocking the breath out of you each time. You choked on a whimper as he pressed forward and bumped against something that had a fresh wave of tears streaming down your face. Joel leaned forward, getting impossibly deeper as the curls at the base of his dick tickled your clit. Leaning forward, he kissed the tears on your cheeks, cooing softly as you hiccuped and whined.

“Aw, my sweet girl, d’you like that? Like my cock stretching you out? Bet you won’t want another after this, ain’t nobody else gonna fuck you like this baby. Christ, do you hear her soaking for me? She’s fucking crying for my cock, isn’t she? Shi-i-t,” Joel growled, his hips picking up the pace slightly.

You grabbed at his hair, his neck, his shoulders, anything to keep you grounded as you begged him for more. Joel gave you a devilish smile, making you squeak as his hips started slamming into you. Strings of your arousal dripped down Joel’s balls and soaked the hair on his thighs, making the curls glisten as he sucked at your neck again. Joel tore animalistic cries out of you as he pounded into your weeping hole, claiming you with each hard thrust.

“Pleeease,” you pleaded, not even sure what you were pleading for as you weakly tried to meet his thrusts.

Joel huffed a laugh through his moans, hips working double time as he felt your pussy begin to flutter around him.

“What baby? Tell me what you want,” he crooned, moving one hand to brush through the cute patch of hair covering your mound, finding your clit and pressing down on it harshly with his thumb.

Legs shaking and eyes watering, you locked eyes with Joel before you cried out, “You daddy, I want you!”

Joel’s pace slowed for a second as he took in what you said. Freezing, you wondered if you had crossed some sort of line. You weren’t even sure where that had come from, but it just seemed so right in the moment. An apology on the tip of your tongue, you were surprised by a primal growl rumbling out of Joel, making your already pulverized insides turn to mush as he pulled himself up on his knees. He moved you up on his lap as you helplessly wrapped your weakened arms around his neck once more.

Faces pressed against one another, panting mouths sharing air and his cock almost unbearably deep, Joel grabbed your hips and began fucking you up and down on him. He speared into you so deep that you screamed, breath catching in your throat as he worked your limp body into a frenzy. Pleas, cries, and the slick sound of him moving inside of you filled the air. All of your senses were overwhelmed with Joel as panting mouths mashed into each other, lips greedily moving in tandem before breaking away again for air. The room spun as his heavy balls slapped against your ass, Joel moving faster and harder as your walls sucked him in.

You were shocked at his strength. Joel effortlessly moved your body up and down his throbbing cock with one hand clutching your hip, the other moving to strum at your oversensitive clit. You squeaked, unable to do anything but hold on for dear life as he effortlessly dragged you closer and closer to your peak.

“Say it again baby, whose pussy is this? Who gets to fuck you like this? Fuck, you’re too good for daddy sweet girl. Such a pretty thing, so smart, so strong, smell so fucking good. God - shit - say it please,” Joel moaned as he pressed into your clit harder.

“Yours! D-daddy, I’m yours. Please, I can’t. Oh my fucking g- daddy please!,” you screamed, walls beginning to squeeze him brutally.

Joel hissed, keeping up his pace as he kissed at every bit of skin his lips could reach, beginning to ramble as he neared his end.

“S’right baby, daddy’s pussy, nobody else’s. M’yours too, fuck - anything you want from me is yours, just fucking stay, please fucking stay with me baby. I can’t lose - PLEASE baby, fuck, I need you to stay.”

The desperation in his voice had you reaching out to grip his neck, bringing him down to meet your lips in a kiss filled promise. As you poured everything you had into the kiss, you felt something nudging at the outside of your hole. You gasped, looking down to see his knot forming and begging to be jammed into you. With your orgasm making your walls start to tighten around his cock, you were suddenly desperate for it. You ground yourself against his knot and Joel moaned as it began to tease your entrance.

“F-fuck, you don’t have t- ah, oh shit,” Joel stuttered, his resolve breaking as your walls twitched against the base of it.

“Knot me alpha. Shit - need you to fill me up so that I can feel you for days. Please daddy,” you begged, shattering any reservation in Joel’s mind.

A grunt left Joel as he heeded your request, shoving himself forward. You cried out as you felt his thick knot lock the two of you together, pleasure boiling over as his cock began to twitch inside of you. Waves after waves crashed through both of you, walls contracting against his throbbing knot, each slight movement triggering another devastating round of ecstasy. You felt him spurting thick loads of cum inside of you, soothing the need that had been burning inside of you since waking up. Everytime you thought that he was done, a slight movement or twitch from one of you would have Joel crying out as he released again.

You could feel your belly bloating from the mess he made inside of you. You tried to calm yourself, sensing that Joel was getting overstimulated as he tensed and shook but you couldn’t stop the way your walls clamped around him. Another orgasm had your vision blacking out around the edges, your voice hoarse as you called his name. Joel gasped, holding you close and pressing his face into your chest as his cock painfully released into you again and again and again.

Finally spent, Joel carefully lowered you onto the bed. Groaning, Joel collapsed on top of you. The weight of his body was warm and comforting, pulling a purring noise from the back of your throat. He hummed, rubbing his face against the valley of your breasts as you began to play with his hair. With the heat satiated at last, you giggled at the feeling of his whiskers tickling your damp skin. Joel’s head popped up, pools of melted chocolate studying the lines on your face as you laughed.

“What’s so funny baby?,” Joel asked, a grin evident in his voice.

You settled, letting out a few more giggles before glancing down at his relaxed face, pushing his curls from his forehead as you smiled at him.

“Nothing daddy, m’just happy,” you said softly.

Joel barked out a laugh, groaning as the movement had his cock weakly twitching again. He shook his head, kissing his way up from between your breasts. He pressed his lips against yours softly, humming at the intimacy before pulling back and grinning down at you.

“Daddy huh?,” Joel teased, watching as your cheeks reddened and you whacked his shoulder again.

“You didn’t seem to mind,” you grumbled, looking away from him to study the wall in embarrassment.

He laughed again, leaning forward and pressing soft kisses across your chest, neck, and face as you squealed and giggled. Joel kept kissing you until you were out of breath from laughter and pleading for him stop his sweet torture until he finally relented. Panting, you met his eyes once more as he looked at you with a softness that had butterflies erupting in your belly. A giddiness bubbled up to the surface and you bit your lip, suddenly feeling girlish and shy as Joel looked at you like you were the only person in the world. He leaned forward and kissed your forehead, pulling back and clearing the loose strands that stuck to your forehead off of your sweaty face.

It was then that you noticed the poor excuse for a bandage that was wrapped around his palm, the center of it red with dried blood. You whined, panicking as you brought it up to your face to examine. Joel shushed you, shaking his head before you could get too worked up.

“S’okay darling, I just sliced it when I was putting up some wire. Nothing to be worried about, I swear. Barely felt it,” he crooned, watching as you leaned forward and kissed the dark stain.

“Why don’t you let me help next time?,” you asked, letting him go back to fixing your wild strands.

He chuckled, “You really want to help me with choring that bad? It’s boring stuff. I wouldn’t want you to feel like you HAD to.”

You whined, huffing impatiently at him as you rolled your eyes, “I’ve been bored Joel. I’m going nuts in here doing nothing all day. I would LOVE to help you with your ‘choring’.”

The last part made him snort as you tried (and failed) to mimic his deep twang. You giggled back at him, bodies brushing up against each other as the feeling of joy radiated off the pair of you. He watched you with a grin, noticing the way your nose scrunched up as you threw your head back in laughter. Joel grunted as your laughter made you clench around him, suddenly remembering that he was inside of you still.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I? M’sorry if I did. I was trying so hard to stay gentle but fuck baby, you don’t know how hard its been for me to stay away from ya,” Joel asked, his concern cutting through the sweet moment.

You kissed the hand that fussed over your messy hair, lips touching the bandage once more before you said, “Joel, you didn’t hurt me. That was everything I could have asked for. I’ve never felt so… wanted. Nobody’s ever made me feel like that.”

Joel tsked, shaking his head and grumbling under his breath about how stupid every alpha in your life had been up until this point, how you were the prettiest damn thing he had ever saw, how he had no fucking clue how he got so lucky. A softer laugh tumbled out of you, breaking him from his reverie and making him smile.

“Why’d you stay away?,” you asked softly, thumb gliding over the stubble on his cheeks.

A sigh left Joel’s mouth and he looked down, his knot now deflated enough that he could ease himself out of your puffy folds. You whined, panic popping the bubble of comfort that had cradled you moments before. You were terrified that he was going to get up and leave you there. Trying not to cry, you cursed yourself for ruining the moment. He hushed you as you gripped his forearms, trying to assure you as he pulled away.

“Shhh, it’s okay baby. I just need to clean you up and get something to fill that belly of yours. You need to eat before the heat comes back. Gotta keep your strength up for when my rut hits, reckon you’re gonna rip it out of me soon. Can already feel it coming,” he said carefully, massaging your sore hips as he inched off of the bed.

You nodded, sniffling and whimpering as he made his way out of the room. You tried to remember his words as anxiety trickled into your pliant muscles, making you tense. Joel would be back, he would be back, he was just grabbing something to clean you up and some food, it’s okay, he won’t leave you…

A hiss came out of your mouth as you felt something cool and rough between your legs. Joel shushed you, softly cleaning the mess he had made of your core with a washcloth. Tossing it behind him, he lifted you up onto his lap, situating himself so that he was sitting against the headboard. Before you could nestle yourself into the crook of his neck, Joel stopped you. He brought a glass of water from the nightstand, placing it at your lips. You gulped down half of it in one go, surprised at how thirsty you were.

“All of it baby,” he whispered when you paused, moving to tip the glass into your mouth again but you stopped him.

Grabbing the glass from him, Joel raised an eyebrow as you placed the glass at his lips. You looked back at him sternly, daring him to defy you as you tipped the water into his mouth. He acquiesced, chugging down the rest of the water and placing the empty glass on the nightstand. Next, he grabbed a granola bar and presented it to you. You grumbled, not feeling particularly hungry but he was persistent as he shoved it at you again.

“Share it with me?,” you asked softly, playing with his curls.

Joel nodded, tearing the package open and breaking the nutty biscuit in two, ignoring the crumbly bits that fell onto the mess of sheets and clothes below. The two of you ate in silence, one of his big hands rubbing your thigh while you absentmindedly scratched his scalp. Finally finished, Joel let you lean forward and rest against him, your body straddling him and face shoved into the gland on his neck, snuffling at his musk.

“Why?,” you asked again, your voice barely above a whisper.

He tensed and you snuggled deeper into him, trying to cover his body with your own as you smelt his scent slightly sour with nerves. Joel huffed lightly at your knotted hair, trying to calm himself down before he answered you.

“Darling I… There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me. Things I’ve done, horrible things… Some things I did to people that deserved it, others didn’t… And I’ve failed people that cared about me, too many fucking people. I couldn’t - I can’t fail you too,” Joel murmured against your hair, fingers now clutching your hips and holding you against him firmly.

You hummed in acknowledgement, playing with his hair as you responded, “You couldn’t fail me Joel, not even if you tried.”

Joel shook his head, his nerves threatening to break him out of the peace that you had cloaked him in. He pulled back and tried to speak, but you covered his mouth with your hand before he could.

“Joel, I know you think that you’re no good but you are. You are good. You could’ve left me out there to die, but you didn’t. You helped me and you didn’t even ask for anything in return, a bad man wouldn’t do that. Whatever you had to do in the past to stay alive, I don’t care. I don’t care about any of it,” you said, letting him work through the words for a moment before you continued.

He moved to protest, gripping your wrist and trying to pull your hand off of his mouth so that he could reject your words but you slapped his hand away. Joel guffawed under your hand, the feeling of it tickling your palm as he furrowed his brows in confusion.

“I know that you… That losing Sarah must have killed you Joel,” you could feel him growing more uncomfortable but you pressed on, “But that wasn’t your fault. None of it was. And it doesn’t mean that you aren’t good, okay? You’re good Joel. You. Are. Good.”

Joel watched you silently as you eased your hand off of his mouth, eyes shining as he cleared his throat. He nodded, swallowing thickly before he leaned forward and knocked his forehead against yours, shaky breaths fanning over your face.

“S’not all darling. I can’t - I don’t know how to tell you… There’s so much more than just Sarah and I don’t know if I can ever - fuck,” he cussed, his eyes falling closed in frustration as words failed him.

“I know Joel, I know. You’ll tell me when you’re ready. But until then, I’m not going anywhere m’kay? Hell, I’ve got things I haven’t told you yet either but I don’t care, none of that matters. You’re mine and I’m yours now, you’re gonna have to throw me out into the cold if you want me gone now,” you chided.

Joel chuckled, shaking his head before he said, “I’d never kick ya out baby. Just don’t know why you’d want to be with a grumpy old man like me. M’sure you could find a decent man in Jackson, probably tons of men your age there”

You shrugged playfully, pretending to think it over, “Hmmmm… well as tempting as that sounds, I think I’ll stick with you. Think I like my men a bit more experienced, no clue why. Daddy issues maybe?”

“Shut up,” Joel said through a surprised laugh, flipping you over onto the bed and attacking your sides with tickles as you screeched and giggled.

The heaviness pulled from the air, the two of you smiled at each other. Moving to get up again, Joel groaned when he saw the mess that you had made as the two of you had rolled around playfully on the bed. Sucking in a shaky breath, he watched your pussy begin to drip slick down your thighs once more, hole winking at him enticingly as he swore under his breath.

“Oh fuck Joel, I’m sorry. I know you probably need a bit of a break, seeing as you’re a senior citizen and all,” you joked breathlessly, his head shooting up at the jab.

A mischievous grin spread across Joel’s face, pearly whites gleaming menacingly at you as his gaze turned ravenous.

“Oh honey, you’ve got no fucking clue what this old man is capable of,” he chuckled.

A witty response died in your throat, mind numbing pleasure soon making you scream for the man that had his face buried in your core.

#alpha!joel miller #angst #comfort #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #omega reader #a/b/o dynamics #smut #soft!joel miller #Soft!reader #joel miller x female reader #tlou fanfic #reader needs a hug #joel needs a hug #joel miller smut

46 notes · View notes

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 1 month

Note

I love your fic alone and forsaken! Keep it coming, boo boo 🩷🩷

Omg, thanks love! 💞✨️ So glad you're enjoying it

#replies

1 note · View note

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 1 month

Text

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 4 Summary:

A few weeks have passed since the heated encounter with Joel and he has gone silent. Embarrassed, you have tried to apologize to him for days but he is constantly dodging you. Joel has found a never ending list of tasks, seemingly only able to stay in your presence momentarily before dashing off again. When an awkward dinner has him running into the woods, Joel stumbles across something he was not expecting to find.

Warnings: Angst/Comfort, Violence, SA attempts (Not by Joel, omg he would never), Hurt/Comfort, Sweet Ending, Mentions of a Panic Attack, Both you and Joel need a hug after this one :'(

A/N: Hello babes! Sorry for the wait, I spoke at my first academic conference this weekend so I've been having a week long panic attack hahaha. It went well though!We are back with Joel and you. Major warning for this chapter, with mentions of violence and an attempt of SA (not by our bb Joel, he would NEVER), but a resolution at the end so hold tight. If any of this bothers you, hold tight for the next chapter and we will drowning in the fluff. Take care of yourselves!

Chapter 4/20

Chapter 4: An Unexpected Arrival

The next three weeks with Joel passed by slowly. The man seemed to avoid you like the plague. By the time you woke up in the morning he was already out checking the traps, with only a wrapped plate of food with a note on the counter to serve as a clue that he had been there. He would come back in the early afternoon, increasingly red in the face as the temperature dropped, and give you a polite nod or a soft, “Howdy,” before going to work in the kitchen. Even when you tried to convince Joel to let you help him, he would just smile and brush you off. Despite your incessant offers, he shooed you out of the kitchen and into the living room while he worked on lunch.

Idleness was not something you were used to and it began to gnaw at your sanity. You tried to find comfort in reading the books that lined the walls, but it was not enough. The world you were used to was chalk full of tasks, living with someone who did everything for you was as unsettling as it was comfortable. You micro cleaned as much as you could but Joel Miller was frustratingly tidy.

Everyday, Joel would eat lunch with you at the table. He would listen and politely respond to whatever you said to him, usually grunting out a short response or humming as he continued to chew, but the man that you had told your tale of teenage delinquency to was long gone. After hastily scarfing down his lunch, he would murmur something about going back to work and then practically sprint out the door.

In the days after you threw yourself at him, Joel had embarked on a seemingly endless list of tasks. First, it was covering the windows with plexiglass to insulate the space. Next, it was clearing out the gutters that you noticed were mostly empty. After, it was splitting an unreasonable amount of wood. This particular task had you sat at the window to watch him work, Joel having gruffly sent you inside with a murmur of, “S’too cold darling, can’t have ya freezing on me.”

Watching Joel had something stirring deep in your core, sweat beginning to bead at your forehead as your heart fluttered behind your ribs. Joel truly was a piece of art, with his toned arms and soft yet strong abdomen. As sweat began to run down Joel’s face, he shed his bulky coat and you had the pleasure of watching his muscles ripple underneath the white t-shirt that stretched over his biceps. The curls that you dreamed of running your hands through were messy and Joel had to stop every few minutes to push them back off of his forehead as he caught his breath.

Exasperated with his locks, Joel paused momentarily and shoved them back once more before lifting the bottom of his shirt to wipe at his brow, revealing his scarred belly. A bolt of longing burst from your core and made you clench your thighs together as you imagined running your fingers across the puckered skin. Joel’s eyes rose to meet yours and your breath halted in your chest. A moment passed, and then two, while Joel studied your form in the window seat. The throbbing at the apex of your thighs doubled as his eyes went black while raking over your figure. You shifted your hips slightly, trying to be subtle as you eased some of the growing pressure on the edge of the seat. Even with your bottom half hidden from him, Joel’s eyes caught the slight rocking. He ran his tongue over the plushness of his bottom lip, before he cursed and shook his head, returning to splitting the logs.

In the days after your heated encounter you tried not to dissolve into a puddle of shame, kicking yourself every time you remembered how you had rubbed yourself against him. The moment you had stepped in the shower after leaving him aching on the bed, you were groaning into your hands. Remembering how Joel had practically begged you to get off of him, you had lost all of the lust instilled confidence that you had. You had tried to be coy and flirty like all of the omegas in the novellas that Jake had snuck to you once upon a time. It always worked in those books. The protagonist would push the buttons of their lover and they would be practically on their knees before them in an instant. It seemed to work on every alpha, but not Joel apparently.

Of course Joel didn’t actually want you, he was an alpha that had been caught up in the crazed omega that had ground down on his knot like a bitch in heat. He couldn’t help the physical response that you elicited from him, and now you had made him feel awkward in his own home. You felt awful. You wanted to apologize to him, to beg him to forget it so that the next few months weren’t completely unbearable, but Joel was making it impossible to do so with his continuous absence.

Frustrated, and bored of doing nothing but reading, you were becoming more and more irritable. If Joel had picked up on this, he did not say. He continued on his endless task list, stopping only to sleep, bathe, or coddle you with ridiculously large portions of food. Not that you were complaining about the food or the coddling, your figure had started to fill out again, your eyes had become less sunken in your face, and you had finally managed to tear through the last of the clumps that had bound your hair in a permanent rat’s nest. You liked being cared for, it was new and warm, but the solitude and inactivity was going to drive you up a wall.

The restraint you had after you had found the pictures was fraying at the ends. The door at the end of the hall mocked you with every passing moment. You were so curious that you almost asked him about it nearly every time he sat down to eat, but you bit your tongue remembering the outcome of the last time you had gone snooping. Still, with every passing moment your restraint wore down as the thought of him flying off the handle began to appeal to your companionless state. At least if Joel was yelling at you, he would finally pay attention to you. Maybe then you could finally apologize.

Instead, you spent your days reading, napping, pacing, trying to find anything to clean in a practically sterile cabin, and trying not to scream when you thought of the feeling of Joel’s warm body against your own. Each night you would toss and turn for hours, trying not to leave the bedroom and seek him out on the couch. Managing to restrain yourself, you would eventually fall asleep cocooned in his musk. You wondered constantly how Joel’s scent in the room was as strong as the day you arrived, considering he only entered it briefly before sleeping to collect his clothes for the next day.

One night, this led to you watching him eat with clenched fists as you ground your back molars against each other. Sweat dampened your back as your eyes roamed over the man across from you. Joel’s throat constricted with a swallow, making you practically keen at the thought of nipping at the thin skin below his jaw. His scent, once comforting, was now making you feel slightly feverish. You didn’t even hear him when he called you the first time.

“Hmmmm… what? What did you say Joel?,” you asked dreamily while watching his coffee colored eyes examine you.

“Are you feeling alright? You look a little… flustered darling,” Joel said, a slight tremor in his usually smooth voice.

Were you alright? Were you fucking alright? Was he serious? After three weeks of barely acknowledging you, he now sat there and asked you how you were?! Rage bubbled up to the surface and you tried to quell the storm brewing in your gut as you glared at him.

“Oh, I wasn’t aware that you gave a fuck,” you snapped, immediately regretting the childish words as Joel’s eyes widened.

Panicking, you mumbled an apology, something about being too tired as you tried to keep yourself together. The smell of sandalwood and bergamot was ripping tingles from your core and you became increasingly aware of the dampness of your panties, praying silently to yourself that there wouldn’t be a wet spot on the cushion when you stood. Joel didn’t say anything to you and sat there silently as you floundered, although you noticed his knuckles turn white as he clenched the utensils in his grasp. Finally finished with your nonsensical apology and incoherent excuse, you leaped out of the chair and sprinted down the hallway.

Pressing your back against the hard wood of the bedroom door, you slid down onto the floor and knocked your head back against it. You didn’t understand what was happening to you, being around Joel was unlocking a part of you that you didn’t even know existed. You wanted to tear the clothes off of his broad body, you wanted to hug him, you wanted to feel him inside of you, you wanted to know his favorite color, you wanted him to pull your hair as he slammed into you, you wanted to hear him play his guitar. It was like your body couldn’t decide whether it wanted Joel to tear you apart, or if it wanted you to build him up. Perhaps it wanted both. Either way, the constant battle between the two was maddening.

As you sat there, trying to regulate your breathing and shifting your hips aimlessly as you thought about Joel’s downturned lips, you heard the scuff of the kitchen chair followed by a shuffling of coats. The frame of the house shook as the front door slammed closed. Groaning, you banged your head softly against the wood again as you tried to erase the fantasies that were plaguing your desperate thoughts.

After a few moments of Joel being gone the tingles had dulled and you dizzily made your way over to the sink to splash some cold water on your face. As you looked up to see your wet face, you wondered how the handsome southerner would look with drops of water running down his body. You imagined beads of water dripping from his curls onto his strapping shoulders, rolling down the expanse of his tan midsection before reaching the patch of hair below his navel…

You groaned louder, abandoning the sink for the icy embrace of a cold shower.

- Joel -

The past three weeks with you had been hell. Joel had tried everything he could think of to stay away, even lying about cleaning the gutters just to get away from watching the softness of your thighs jiggle as you walked around in your sleep shorts. He ended up just standing on the ladder like a fucking idiot for an hour as he pretended to shuffle around the empty eavestrough. He didn’t know what to do, it was clear that he needed to stay away, as only a few moments with you had him ravenous. Joel was a gentleman, being raised in the south he had been taught how to be respectful towards omegas. However, your constant chattering over meals was threatening to break him.

Joel listened to your every word, soaking in every bit of information that you gave him as he tried to piece together moments from your past. He even had favorite characters at this point, Jake and Miriam stories being his favorite while stories about Josiah or your mother had him chewing on the inside of his cheek. Joel tried to piece together your life in his head but so far the events were too scattered and confusing to make any sense of what had happened. As you talked, he noticed that you spoke with your hands and placed your index finger on the tip of your nose when you were trying to remember something. Cute, he had thought to himself the first time he had noticed it before he snapped his gaze back to his plate. This didn’t stop the same thought from running through his mind every time he caught you doing it.

Joel tried to maintain a certain level of distance between the two of you, but he couldn’t stop himself from caring for you. He allowed himself the indulgence of providing for you, his heart swelling in chest as he watched you become healthier. You had been starved when you had arrived, but watching you fill out had him both happy and horribly frustrated. Nourishing you made him preen, but as your curves returned it was getting harder to keep himself from slinging you over his shoulder like a caveman and carrying you off to bed.

He had remained the picture of chivalry for weeks. Nonetheless, even a gentleman has his limits, and his came at dinner one night. Joel had noticed you being off for the last few days, snapping at him when he gave you a big spoon instead of a small one, scenting everywhere around the house, watching him chop wood like he was a piece of meat, and Joel had a sneaking suspicion that you were responsible for his missing clothes. He should have known, should have remembered with his many years of experience, but he didn’t.

You had been staring at him, looking at him with such intensity that he wondered if you were mad at him. Joel racked his brain for any slight he might’ve committed as he took in your features. The apples of your cheeks were red, a light sheen of sweat illuminated your face and neck, and your lips were raw from biting. Forgetting himself, Joel had called out to you and asked if you were okay. With no response, a twinge of anxiety pinched his heart. Oh fuck, were you sick?

“Are you feeling alright? You look a little… flustered darling,” Joel said, a slight tremor in his voice as every possible catastrophe ran through his mind.

“Oh, I wasn’t aware that you gave a fuck,” you snapped, the bitterness to your usually sweet tone slapping him in the face.

Surprised, Joel’s eyes widened for a moment before he studied you, watching as you stumbled through an apology. If Joel didn’t know any better, he would have asked you if you were on drugs, but he knew that he had left his stash in Boston. There weren’t any drugs in the cabin either, he had torn through it a couple times in his low moments to check. He watched as your words slurred together as you spoke, sweat covering every inch of you, but it wasn’t until Joel noticed the slight shift to your hips under the table that it dawned on him. You were going into heat.

Fuck. He hadn’t even thought about that. How could he not fucking think about that? The last omega he had been with was Sarah’s mom. Tess was a beta so heats were not really an issue with her. He hadn’t had a rut since Boston, he didn’t even think he could get hard until a few weeks ago when you stumbled into his life. Joel had chalked it up to age, he was 56 after all. Men went limp way earlier than that all the time. Unfortunately for him, the bastard was apparently just on vacation because now his cock twitched to life every time you so much as looked his way. Now, with the smell of the sweetness leaking out of you, Joel had to bear down on every muscle in his body to ensure that he didn’t vault over the table and clamp his teeth down on your neck.

Your apology was long, or at least he thought so as he bent the silverware in his hands. He watched as your frantic hands tried to keep up with your garbled speech. Each movement from you sent a ripple of air to his nostrils, and everytime he inhaled he could feel something dark and primal stirring below his belt. Finally, you had excused yourself and scampered off to the bedroom, leaving nothing behind but a wet seat. Joel stared at the spot, having to vehemently berate himself in order to stop the urge to walk over and bury his face in it. Shit, he needed some air.

Pushing his seat back from the table, Joel moved as quickly as he could. He shoved his arms through the first jacket he could find, even though he felt like he was burning up, before he ripped the door open and ran down the steps of the cabin. The cool air leached into Joel’s sweaty body as he stumbled through into the brush, fighting against his instincts as they screamed at him to turn around. He was frustrated, his cock half hard and pushing into his zipper as he moved clumsily into the night.

It wasn’t until he had been walking for about five minutes that Joel realized that he wasn’t wearing any shoes. His body was so overheated, he had barely felt the frozen earth against his socked feet. Joel swore, scrubbing his face with his hands before turning back towards the cabin. He didn’t want to go back, what he wanted to do was walk straight past the trees in front of him and into the rushing waters. He wanted to sink into the icy river and let it take him away, to be released from the constant torment that you were unknowingly inflicting upon him. But he couldn’t do that, you needed him.

“Fuck’s sake,” Joel groaned, begining his trek back home.

Only making it a couple of steps, Joel stumbled over something before catching himself on the gnarled tree stump to his left. He regained his balance before peering down at the ground in search of a culprit. Expecting to see a log or twisted tree root, Joel’s blood goes cold. What he was not expecting to find was an emptied soup can in his path. Joel gulped as he reached out his now shaking hands to examine it. It was fresh, with a few scoops of red broth coating the bottom and suddenly Joel’s chest was tight. His ears pricked up as he whipped his head around, trying to discern which route the intruder had taken.

In all his years stranded in the forest, he had never had anyone get within five miles of his cabin, and now in the span of less than a month he had two people come across him? Fuck, he needed to get back. Backtracking towards the cabin, Joel tried to compose himself as he began to jog. He needed to remain calm, he didn’t want to scare you.

Just as Joel picked up the pace, a shriek pierced through the still air and made him freeze before he found himself crashing through the trees.

- You -

The cold water pelted down on your figure as you shook violently. You couldn’t think of Joel if you were focusing on trying to breathe, right? After a few minutes of tormenting yourself under the frosty spray, you finally stepped from the shower, feeling only slightly less flustered. Just then, you heard the front door click and two heavy boots make their way across the threshold. You sighed, Joel was back, which meant you would have to face him after embarrassing yourself again. Fuck.

“Better to get it over with,” you whispered to yourself, toweling off before slipping into some loose shorts and one of Joel’s shirts that you had added to your growing collection.

Bracing yourself, you stepped into the hallway and padded softly into the hall. Joel didn’t answer as you called him and you cringed. Was he THAT pissed at your stupid little outburst? You sighed, steeling yourself and moving into the living room, only to be met with an acrid smell that stung your throat. Eyes watering, you moved into the room and tried to pinpoint the smell before a set of hands grabbed your hips from behind.

You shrieked.

- Joel -

Joel felt like the sky was falling as he ran through the thicket. He tried to focus as his legs moved as quickly as they could, but memories flashed through his mind anyways. Sarah. Tess. Ellie. Now you? No, he couldn’t think of that right now. He needed to get to you.

Finally reaching his home, Joel bound up the stairs that he had built, taking them two at a time, and tore into the living room. His eyes darted across the room, taking in the broken vase before landing on the clump of hair that had clearly been ripped out of someone’s scalp. Joel refocused as he heard you cry out, feet crunching under the broken glass as he barreled into the bedroom.

The scene before Joel made his blood boil. A greasy looking alpha was trying to claw the shorts off of your legs. A bloody patch gleamed at him from a filthy scalp, blood beading from where you had torn out a clump of straggly hair. You were beating at his chest, crying and objecting as you tried to buck him off of you. Your legs kept kicking at him as he tried to undress you, which clearly angered the man. The alpha raised his hand to slap you into submission.

Joel snapped.

He ripped the man off of you and slammed him to the floor, looming over him momentarily as the blood rushed in his ears. The man tried to lunge at him, growling and spitting, but Joel caught him by the neck and slammed him back onto the hardwood. The filthy man wheezed and scraped at the vice around his neck as Joel choked him, his eyes bulging from the lack of oxygen.

“Go into the other room,” Joel said.

When you made no move, he turned his head slightly and looked into your teary eyes.

“Go. Now.”

This wasn’t a suggestion, it was a command, and you obeyed before your mind could get in the way. Joel turned back to the man as you scurried out of the room, the door swaying shut behind you. He eased his grip and watched as the now purple faced man sucked air into his foul smelling mouth. He wanted to punch the yellow teeth out his reddened gums, to make him choke on them, but he needed answers first.

“You’re gonna tell me where you came from, how many people you’re with, and what the fuck you’re doing here,” Joel said.

“Fuck y- AGH!,” the man groaned as Joel slammed his fist into his nose.

Blood trickled down the man’s sallow face, staining the planks of wood below his head. Joel tsked as the man’s eyelids fluttered, slapping his jaw to keep the bastard focused.

“I’m gonna ask you again, real nice. Choose your next words carefully, or things are about to get a lot worse for ya.”

Panting and eyes watering as blood ran into his mouth, the man focused on Joel before he spat out, “Just because her daddy is gone, doesn’t mean she gets off free. We’ve been after her for the past year, nearly gave up too, but I caught her trail. Reckon Paul or Cooper will too soon enough, and she’ll be back where she belongs. She might’ve made it out of the pit, but that don’t mean the debt is paid. Might take a few months like it did me, but they’ll find her.”

Grabbing his face, Joel peered into the man’s eyes, searching for any hint of deceit before he slammed his skull into the boards again. The man groaned and cussed, the back of his head now dented and bleeding.

“Who the fuck are Paul and Cooper? What debt?,” Joel seethed.

The man choked on his own blood as he cackled, coughing and sputtering below Joel.

“You have no idea the shit you have just stepped in man. She doesn’t belong to you, Josiah had already chosen for her. Her little vacation to the pit was a punishment, not a get out jail free card. Paul will still be after what’s his.”

Suddenly exasperated, Joel wrapped his hands around his neck. The man’s eyes widened once more, the light slowly receding from them after Joel felt the snap of his neck beneath his fingers. He stood over the corpse, feeling nothing but rage. Blood pounding in his ears, he wanted to tear into someone, wanted to burn whoever thought to harm you into the ground, he wanted to rip their throat out with his own teeth, he wanted -

Hearing a sniffle from behind him, Joel spun on his heels and found a shaking figure.

“Babygirl,” Joel sighed, his legs carrying him to you in an instant.

Despite his attempts for the past few weeks to distance himself from you, Joel didn’t even think twice before he picked you up. Wrapping your legs around his waist and practically strangling him, you clung to him like a koala bear as the two of you left the corpse behind. Tears soaked his collar and he tried not to gag at the acrid smell of another alpha covering you. Your nose was pressed into his neck, huffing at his skin as he moved into the living room.

“S’okay darling, I’m here. It’s over, I gotcha. He ain’t gonna do nothing to ya, nobody is. I swear,” Joel whispered in your ear, his words easing the tremors that racked your frame.

A sob tore out of your chest and it made Joel wish he had the power of resurrection, just so he could kill that man all over again. He refocused, knowing that he couldn’t let himself get angry with you in this state. Continuing to whisper sweet words into your ear, Joel grasped the back on your neck, pulling you back slightly as you blubbered from the loss. He hushed you, weighing his options for a moment before shoving his own face into your neck. Working gently, Joel rubbed his face into your neck and covered the sour stench with his own as he kissed and nipped at the delicate skin. You cried out, and he almost stopped before the tension slowly left your shoulders.

The real cries came, and your fingers locked into his hair and pushed Joel’s face into your neck harder as he scented you. He hummed as you sobbed nonsensical things, continuing to rub your back and hold the back of your neck.

“I-I-I didn’t, he was gonna, and I didn’t want t-t-o,” you wailed and his heart practically shattered.

Joel whined at the admission and he pulled back once more, taking the hand off of your neck and using it to wipe the tears and snot from your face.

“I know sweetheart, I know. But he didn’t, okay? He didn’t, and he’s never gonna. I gotchu, okay? You’re gonna be okay,” he murmured quietly, almost like he was promising himself.

“D-did you k-kill him?,” you stammered.

An uneasiness settled over him as he replied, “Well now, I don’t want you to be thinking ‘bout all that. I did what I had t-”

“I’m not mad Joel, I’m grateful. He could’ve… Well, I guess it's like you said, he didn’t, but he could’ve and I don’t know what…,” you sniffed, the sobs easing up but tears still dripping down your face as you whispered, “Thank you Joel.”

Joel shook his head sharply, “Ain’t nothing to thank me for. I’d never let someone hurt you like that, I’d never let anyone hurt you at all. You’re mine. Hell, I’d kill him again if I could. He had no right to even think -”

He had to stop before his blood began to boil once more, an urge to bare his teeth and growl sliding up from the more primal part of him as Joel briefly considered what would have happened if he hadn't made it. He looked away for a moment, trying to compose himself as he stared at the wall. No, he thought to himself, not now. She needs you.

Soft hands came up and grabbed his cheeks, squishing them as his head was turned forward once more. The last tears rolled down your face, slight tremors jostling you. The panic in your eyes was slowly fading as both of you breathed in each other's presence. You were okay, you were both okay, Joel tried to tell his racing mind.

“Breathe Joel,” you instructed, your soft gaze hypnotizing him as you held him in your grasp.

At that moment Joel realized that the tremors that jostled your frame were coming from him. His body was buzzing, the feeling of a looming threat still slamming his heart against the walls of his chest. It felt like he was having a heart attack, which made him panic more because he needed to protect you. He tried to breathe but he didn’t know how to make his lungs work properly, dizziness began clouding his panic attack.

“Breathe,” you said more forcefully, commanding him to take easy breaths as you rubbed one of your hands over his chest.

Joel closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on matching his breaths to yours as he tried not to wheeze. The hand on his chest eased some of the tightness that wrapped around him and constricted his heart. The other hand was dug into his graying curls, scratching at his scalp and pushing his face back into your neck. A rumbling noise came up from his chest as the last vestiges of danger ebbed away in his mind, still lurking in the shadows but no longer beating at the inside of his being. Sweet nothings whispered in his ear, Joel groaned softly and rubbed his nose against your gland. Mindlessly sucking on the mouth watering skin, Joel tried to remember the last time anyone had cared for him like this.

He wondered if it was Tess for a moment, before having to stop himself from laughing. Joel had loved Tess as his best friend, but she was anything but sweet. They had indulged each other mainly out of convenience. Once they were done fucking or trying to beat off the loneliness by simply sharing a bed, it was back to business. Joel didn’t feel the same way the one time the subject of more was broached and besides, Tess loved pussy too much to be stuck with someone with a dick.

“Better?,” you asked him softly and he hummed in reply, snuffling at your neck for a moment before pulling back.

Joel grabbed your face, pulling your foreheads together and closing his eyes again. He could feel your breath tickling his mustache as he kept his head against yours, reminding him that you were alive. Moving back, Joel kissed you gently on the tip of your nose and wiped your face off again. Satisfied, he moved to lift you off of him. You cried out, scrambling to wrap yourself around him as he sunk back down on the couch.

“I… Baby, I can’t just leave him in there. Let me go in and I’ll clean it up for y-,” a whine cut Joel off and he sat back, unsure of what to do and unwilling to make you cry again.

“Please alpha,” you whined, “Please stay with me.”

With the urgency of the request Joel didn’t even have to think, allowing himself to gather you in his arms once more before he said, “Course baby, I’m right here. Never gonna leave you. How could I? S’alright, just rest.”

As he sat on the couch with you straddling him, your nose pressed into his collar and arms wrapped around his neck, Joel tried not to think of the bloody corpse in the next room. He tried to push the questions he had for you out of his brain as your body got heavier and heavier with each passing moment. He tried not to think about the fact that your body was feverish, scent heightened as a heat slowly made its way out of your core and beckoned him with more intensity with each passing moment.

Instead Joel let his face push into your hair. He soaked his senses in your aroma, letting it coat the back of his throat as he nuzzled you again. Joel closed his eyes once more, allowing his heart rate to slow with your body safe in his embrace, and let his exhaustion take over.

#alpha!joel miller #angst #comfort #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #omega reader #a/b/o dynamics #eventual smut #the last of us #violence mention #tlou fanfic #joel tlou

40 notes · View notes

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 2 months

Text

18+ mdni

Older Joel Miller would be the type to hold you by the back of the neck and tilt your head down to make you watch while he fucked you.

A heavy hand keeps you trapped while fingers prod at the sensitive tendons under your skin, forcing you to watch every devastating thrust as he buries his cock between your soaked folds.

“Look how wet you’re gettin’.” He’d brazenly drawl while eyeing your messy thighs and the syrupy slick that stains a creamy ring around his girth. He’d grind your pelvis, torturing your clit with the damp, wiry hairs that litter the base of his cock. “Suckin’ me right in.”

He’d hook his free hand under your jaw, content with your submission when your eyes go glossy and dumb, and tip your ragdoll head until he’s penetrating your soul with a hooded, possessive stare.

“Got you right where I want you.” He’d mock as dark smirk tugs at his lips. His ominous tone slithers around your heart, and it makes your cunt anxiously clench. “You’re gonna be achin’ for days.”

2K notes · View notes

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 2 months

Text

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 3 Summary:

Falling back into old habits, you snoop through Joel's things only to find pieces of his past. After catching you with a certain photo, Joel leaves you in a panic.

Warnings: Angst/Comfort, Religious Trauma, Mentions of Violence, Mentions of drinking, Joel being mean and then soft, spiciness near the end, A/B/O Dynamics

A/N: Hey guys, I'm glad you guys are enjoying it so far. Thank you so much for reading. As always, watch out for a bit of religious trauma if that is something that is a trigger. Minors DNI! Joel is also fighting a losing battle with himself, do we think he's going to be able to keep it in his pants for 6 months?

Chapter 3/20

Chapter 3: The Rebel & The Old Man

Sweat poured down Joel’s back as he ran as fast as his legs would take him. He had been here before, he had run through the halls of Saint Mary’s hospital time and time again only to find Ellie’s corpse. Sometimes it was even Sarah. Either way, he was always too late. The feeling of loss, insurmountable and piercing, burying itself in his chest was usually what woke him up, but this time was different.

This time Joel had ripped open the door, breathless as he always was and filled with rage, only to find you. You, draped in a gown similar to the one Ellie had worn, except no open skull greeted him. They had put you out, and you laid on the cold table blissfully unaware of the firefly about to start picking at your brain. A fresh wave of panic hit Joel and made him stumble forward into the sterile room.

An all too familiar voice pulled him from his despair, “What are you doing here?”

Joel’s head snapped up, a low growl bubbled from the depths of his chest as he came face to face with the man that he wished he could kill twice. Perhaps sensing the bloodlust that had Joel practically frothing at mouth in front of him, the doctor turned away only to grab a scalpel from the surgical tray behind him.

The man held the scalpel out in front of himself, his hands shaking as he tried desperately to ward Joel off. As if that could hinder the hulking beast that clawed at the confines of Joel’s chest, screaming at him to rip the shaking man apart for even thinking that he could harm you. Pathetic really, Joel thought.

“I won’t let you take her. This is our future. Think of the liv-,” the blade that Joel had shoved through his throat cut the doctor off as he fell to the ground choking on his blood, eyes wheeling around the room as he retched and shook. Joel had heard the speech before, he didn’t need to hear it again with you in such a vulnerable position behind him.

Joel heard the nurses screaming as he moved towards you and began to pull the wires off of your frame, cradling you to his chest and breathing in your warmth.

“NO! YOU FUCKING ANIMAL!,” he heard one of them scream and it made him suppress the laugh that threatened to spill from his lips. An animal? You’re goddamn right I’m a fucking animal, Joel thought to himself as he pushed through the doors.

As he sprinted through the hospital, trying to dodge the fireflies at every corner, he spoke to you over the bullets whizzing past his head, “It’s okay darling, I’ve gotcha. I’m gonna protect you, I ain’t gonna let nothing happen to you omega.”

Joel turned the corner, fireflies hot on his heels and swallowing the bile that soured his mouth, only to find an open elevator. For a moment, he felt relief as he moved towards his goal. But then, just as he thought he might actually make it this time, Joel felt his limbs suddenly grow heavy.

“No, no, no, no…,” Joel cried out as his pace slowed, his voice breaking as tears began to blur his vision, his legs feeling as if they had been filled with cement.

Joel turned towards his pursuers, suddenly feeling the sickening sting of deja vu as he began to plead for your life. He knew it wouldn’t matter to them, just as it didn’t matter twenty four years earlier when the soldier had killed Sarah. It didn’t stop Joel from crying out, desperately begging for them to spare you. They shot anyway.

Gasping, Joel shot off the couch like a bat out of hell. He whipped his head around the room, disoriented and unsure where he was for a moment. His chest felt tight and as he stood in the living room getting his bearings, he worried for a moment that he was having a heart attack. No, Joel decided, assholes like him didn’t get off that easy.

Finally catching his breath, the pounding in his head left little black dots in his vision as Joel was greeted with the aroma that crept down the hall from his bedroom. He swayed on his feet as it beckoned him closer. Groaning, Joel scrubbed the tears from his eyes as he lowered himself back down on the now sweat soaked couch.

What the fuck was he going to do? What had he already done? He shouldn’t have talked to you like that, shouldn’t have let you stay, shouldn’t have pulled you into his lap and let you scent him, he shouldn’t have basked in the feeling of an omega rubbing themselves all over him as he willed himself not to pop his knot like he was a fucking teenager. What the fuck was he thinking? Gritting his teeth, Joel shoved the heels of his hands into his eye sockets as he tried to wade through the shame that filled his being. A shame that was almost like an old friend, one that Joel had grown accustomed to, comfortable even. This process was made incredibly difficult with the delicious smell that had him lifting his nose, a smell that reached into his aching chest to sink its hooks into his lungs and pull him to his feet.

Fighting against his own nature every step of the way, Joel trudged towards the bedroom. He tried to reason with himself as he moved to open the door, trying desperately to remain in the comfort of his own torment. You were probably sleeping and plus, being the creepy old guy that watched young women sleep is not a good look he tried desperately to hammer into his brain. It was no use and Joel crept into the room as quietly as he could, mouth watering as he gulped down the warm air.

And there you were, even breaths soothing the sting of loss that plagued him and replacing it with something new. Joel felt a deep sense of purpose slam into him, his movements not even registering as he saw you shiver atop of the blankets. Joel carefully lifted you from the soft mattress, your hand coming up to grasp two of his fingers in a loose fist. Pulling off the covers, Joel laid you back down, allowing you to keep holding him as he fussed with the pillow behind your head for a moment before he was satisfied. The need to provide sated, Joel moved towards the door feeling as though he might fall asleep before he even reached the couch.

This plan was thwarted as the loose grasp on his fingers tightened, holding him hostage. Joel stood over you a moment, unsure of what to do. Yes, Joel could pull his fingers from your grasp easily, yet he hesitated. Looking down at you sleeping, Joel suddenly felt greedy. He needed to stay, to make sure you slept well, to make sure you didn’t need anything, and how dare he think of doing something that might disturb your sleep? Joel sighed, coming to the realization that fighting off the overwhelming urge to satiate your every need was like fighting with the wind.

Letting his own instincts overwhelm him, Joel dropped to his knees along the bedside and covered your hand in his. Ignoring the ache that already bit at the muscles in his legs, Joel laid his chin on the mattress and watched you through tired eyes. The feeling that Joel felt as he looked at you in that moment was indescribable, like someone had found a way to pump ativan into the air he breathed. Feeling his heart rate slow and tense muscles finally ease, Joel drifted off at your bedside.

- You -

A breeze woke you from a dreamless sleep, your hair tickling your nose as air bristled through the strands. You hummed, moving to stretch your arms over your head before you felt a warm weight covering one of your hands. Your eyes snapped open, gasping as you found a beautiful yet confusing sight.

Joel slept at your bedside, leaned forward on his knees with his face almost meeting yours on the pillow. One hand covered your own, a layer of sweat forming between you, while he used the other for a pillow under his pink cheek. His breath puffed out from his lips, fanning out over your face and making you smile. He looked so peaceful like this, almost childlike with the lines on his face soothed by rest.

You reached out a hand, tentatively smoothing down the curls that had flopped over his forehead and cupping his whiskered cheek. Joel made a small noise, nose twitching for a moment before he settled back into his slumber. You wondered if he knew how striking he was and you longed to wake him so that you could tell him, but you decided against it.

Suddenly feeling how parched you were, you took him in once more, memorizing his beauty before you eased your hand out from under his. Joel’s fingers twitched momentarily, as if annoyed by your departure, and you waited until he settled before you crept off the bed and out of the room.

Shivers shook your frame as you moved into the living room, the floors biting unforgivingly at your feet. It was so much warmer in the room with Joel, heat seemed to radiate from his large frame and cover you like a blanket. Ignoring the urge to go back into the cocoon of his company, you drifted into the kitchen and pilfered through the fridge before finding a water bottle. Tearing off the lid, you tilted your head and let the cold water slide down your throat.

Thirst quenched, you decided to poke around some more. Curiosity killed the Christian, you remembered hearing Josiah say when you had questioned his teachings once. You laugh quietly, remembering how Rachel shot her mate a sharp look as she had sucked her teeth at that. Miriam had pulled you aside after that bible study, your arm smarting from the surprising strength the small woman had used to yank you into a corner. You remember Miriam telling you not to listen to him, that you came from a people that asked questions about everything. Before you could ask what she meant your mother had snatched you from Miriam’s grasp, sending an icy glare her way.

“Do not fill her head with your own beliefs,” your mother had spat, twisting your wrist in her grasp as you winced.

Miriam opened and closed her mouth, softening her gaze as she looked between you and your mother before she spoke.

“But her father…,” she sighed before continuing, “She has a right to know about her own people, he wouldn’t have wanted his daughter -”

“Do not think to speak to me about what Abe wanted, you have no right,” your mother had replied, her voice now cold.

You watched as Rachel moved towards her mate, smelling the anguish that was souring Miriam’s scent as she stood in front of your mother. Arm wrapping around her waist, she accessed the situation before asking if everything was okay.

“Fine,” your mother had said, her voice dripping with sarcasm before she stepped towards Miriam threateningly.

Lowering her voice she practically growled at the older omega, placing her body in front of you in a show of protectiveness you didn’t even know she was capable of.

“I would like to remind you of the situation you are in, with your… history. Do you think he would forgive you if that got out? That he would just let it go?”

Miriam’s head snapped up, her eyes widening in fear as your mother snarled at her.

“Do you think that my daughter is protected because of me? That he would let it go if he knew?,” a bitter laugh left your mother’s thin lips before she continued on, “No. She would end up like the rest. So the next time you want to be valiant and teach MY pup something out of some misplaced loyalty to her father, I would like to remind you that Abe would have wanted her ALIVE.”

After that incident your mother had locked you inside for nearly a month, not even allowing you out to go to bible study. Punishment, she had told Josiah, for being too nosy about sinful things. He hadn’t questioned it, seemingly thrilled at your mother’s show of righteousness. Annoyed, and confused as to what had passed between Miriam and your mother, you had swallowed your protests and scrubbed every inch of the house while mulling over what Josiah had said.

You decided that you agreed with Miriam, even though you couldn’t grasp what she had meant by YOUR people. You would have to swallow your curiosity for the foreseeable future. You resigned yourself to silence, but not compliance. You would not ask Josiah where he put the books he had confiscated from Jake’s aunt, books that had her locked in the pit for two weeks, rather you would wait until he looked the other way before snatching them from the burn pile. Sliding two of them under your thick sweater, you had feigned a sudden burst of nausea so that you could run home and shove them underneath the floorboards in your room, where they would stay until Jake could collect them.

Sneaking around had become a second nature to you, and you were comforted by the habit as you tiptoed throughout the cabin, softly opening drawers and sifting through the contents. There wasn’t much, a few fishing flies, a couple of comic books from a series called Savage Starlight shoved under the extra blankets in the linen closet, a few guitar picks here and there, nothing that out of place. That was until you reached the side table next to the couch. Kneeling down and easing the drawer open, you were greeted with pictures.

The first was of a younger Joel, maybe mid twenties, smiling next to a younger man dressed sharply in a military uniform. The younger man is handsome, with his black curls slicked back and an easy smile on his face as he jokingly saluted the camera, but not quite as handsome as the man that stands at his side, sticking his thumb out in the younger man’s direction as if to say get a load of this guy. It dawned on you that the younger man is Joel’s brother, had to be, as your eyes bounced between the two faces frozen in the picture. You flipped the picture, reading the loopy cursive writing on the back.

Tommy’s Basic Training graduation, look at my handsome boys!

You smiled, placing the picture on the side table before grabbing the next one. The next one showed two young boys, the older one undoubtedly Joel as his puppy dog eyes stared back at you. You suppressed a giggle as you took in his cowboy costume, Joel’s thumbs hooked into his belt loops, and a fake scowl on his face like a true gunslinger. His brother, Tommy you remember, stood next to him dressed like a vampire as he sobbed at the camera. A man with Joel’s eyes and nose was crouched in between them with his arms around their shoulders, a vein popping out of his forehead from how hard he was laughing. Curious once more, you flipped the picture.

After weeks of begging, Tommy decided he wanted to be a cowboy, maybe next year we should get two of whatever Joel wants - haha!

You laughed at that, placing the picture atop the other one before digging out the last one. You stilled as your eyes scanned the glossy paper, the bitter feeling of guilt swirling in your gut. You shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be going through Joel’s stuff when he has already done so much for you, you should put the pictures back and forget about them. But you don’t. You sit there and look at a younger Joel, smiling easily as his large hand covers the eyes of a curly haired young girl. One of her hands covers his, clearly trying and failing to pull his hand off as she laughed at his antics. You shakily flipped the photo, bile rising from your churning stomach as you read the back of the last photo.

Joel and Sarah Miller - 2002

Guilt filled you as you read the words over and over. It was his daughter, you knew that for sure as you saw the shape of his lips and his dimples mirrored onto the girl’s face. You felt like you had been punched, your heart shattering for Joel. He had lost his pup? A small whine left your lips as you turned the picture around. Poor Joel, poor alpha.

“What the fuck are you doing?,” a gruff voice snapped, breaking you from your pity.

You froze, a feeling of dread making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Sighing, you looked up at the dark figure standing in the doorway. Joel’s hair was a mess, curls matted against his face on one side and standing straight up on the other like he had been electrocuted. His cheeks lined from the sheets and eyes slightly watery, you watched as Joel went from groggy to alert in seconds as he took in the scene before him.

So many emotions flickered on his face. Confusion, surprise, sadness, before finally landing on anger. Squaring his shoulders, Joel stomped over to you, snatching the pictures from you before he shoved them back into the drawer. Slamming it shut, Joel flared his nostrils as he looked down at you in a sullen silence.

“I-I…Joel, I am so fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have gone through your stuff, I didn’t… I’m sorry,” you said, eyes pleading as you looked up at his face while his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides.

The glare Joel gave you felt like a knife through your heart. You couldn’t even stop the whimper you let out as he narrowed his eyes before letting out a venomous, “Don’t.”

Joel turned from you then and picked up his jacket from the hook near the door, shoving his arms into the sleeves aggressively. Grumbling to himself, he worked on lacing up his boots as you trailed behind him anxiously.

“Joel, I didn’t mean to. Please, don’t go, it’s not even light out yet. Just wait a few hours until sunrise. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sor-,” he cut you off with just a look and tears began to spill down your cheeks as he pushed past you, slamming the door on the way out.

Silence hits you like a freight train, a bitter feeling of loneliness drawing a loud sob from you. Sinking down to your hands and knees as your cries echoed off the walls of the empty cabin, you felt like you had just lost a limb. You flopped forward onto the cold ground, curling up into a ball as hot tears ran down your cheeks, filling your open mouth as you wailed.

- Joel -

Betrayal.

There’s no other words for what Joel felt in this moment. He felt betrayed by you. It wasn’t the fact that you had gone through his things, he almost expected that. You’d be stupid not to make sure he didn’t have a closet full of skin suits or something creepy like that. Joel had expected a certain level of snooping. It wasn’t that you had found his pictures either. He did feel slightly uncomfortable seeing you hold a picture of his dead daughter, feeling like he should have told you for a moment before shaking himself out of his reverie. He had to remind himself that didn’t know you like that, you weren’t his.

None of that had bothered Joel, which was surprising to him. No, what had bothered him was the way that you had looked at him. Pity had drawn your features in tight, regarding Joel like he was a kicked puppy. It had shocked him, anger boiling his blood as he watched you looking at him like he was helpless. How dare you? He wasn’t helpless, he was perfectly fine, fuck you for making him feel that way.

Joel walked through the twilight, the sun teasing the dark sky with its presence as he growled to himself. He didn’t know where he was going, he just needed to get away from you before he said something he would regret or worse, before he broke down in tears. He couldn’t do that, that would just serve as proof that what you thought about him was true. Helpless, he thought as he angrily kicked the rocks beneath his feet.

Maybe Joel was overreacting, he knew that, but the look you had given him seemed to solidify what he already knew. That he was incapable of doing… literally anything he was supposed to do. You knew that Sarah had died now, proving that he was a bad alpha, a bad protector. Imagine how much worse it would be if you found out about Ellie. He groaned, imagining how his already bruised dignity would be squashed under your pitiful glance. Joel tore at his hair for a moment before continuing to weave through the trees, stopping as he came to the river.

The roar of the river distracted him for a moment, watching as the water swelled over the banks, lifting the plants that resided there for a moment before rushing downstream. Joel took a breath, coming back to himself as his heart slowed. His eyes moved over to the spot he had found you, now covered with the swollen stream. It must have rained last night. Fuck, what would have happened if he hadn’t have found you? You would have froze to death. The thought made his heart leap into his throat. He cussed softly as a guilt twisted his intestines, he shouldn’t have been that hard on you.

Pity or not, you were right. Joel was helpless, he was incapable. Why the fuck else would he be all the way out here? Yeah, you had gone through his things but he was the one that left the photos face up in the drawer for you to find. He hadn’t even put them somewhere more intimate, like a nightstand, he had left proof of his past in the living room. You could’ve stumbled upon it looking for a pencil or a bookmark. Swallowing his feelings of betrayal, Joel steeled himself before turning back towards the forest, deciding that he would check the traps before heading back to his om - to you.

Joel stopped at the door, sighing to himself as he debated on turning back towards the treeline. No, he decided, he had to face this. You were going to be here a long time and if he wanted it to be bearable, he would have to bury the hatchet. Brushing off the dirt from his pants, Joel sucked his teeth for a moment before making his way inside.

Stumbling back, Joel gagged as the smell of the room slapped him in the face. Your soothing aroma smelled burnt and rotten, the stagnant air making him panic as his eyes scanned the room. Where the fuck were you?

“Darling?,” he called out, nothing but silence answering him as his voice bounced off the walls.

Fear shot through him as he tore through the cabin, checking every room before practically ripping the bedroom door off of its hinges. Joel stomped into the room, his breaths coming out faster now with you seemingly gone. Fuck, you must’ve have run off, oh my fucking god no, no, no, no. It’s too cold, you don’t have any food, what if you get hurt? He was bad, he made you leave him, he needed to find you, he needed -

Joel’s ears pricked up, catching a small whine that pulled him from the panic attack he was about to have. Running over to the closet door, he flung it open, looking down and being met with the sight of you curled up on a pile of clothes you must have pulled from his hamper. You were faced away from him, hugging yourself as shaky breaths made their way up your throat.

“Oh sweet girl,” Joel said mournfully, feeling like an asshole as he reached out to turn you towards him.

Another whine, stronger this time, left your lips as you shoved weakly at his grasp. Joel let out a low growl and your protests stopped, resigning yourself as he pulled you from the closet and walked you over to the bed. Groaning as his knees popped and cursing himself for falling asleep the way he had earlier, Joel positioned himself against the headboard with you in his lap.

You were completely limp, the only sign of life being the shiver you let out as Joel began to rub circles into your back. Guilt sliced through his chest as he tried to pull you from this state, moving his other hand to your hair to scritch at your scalp as he had last night. He knew that he had fucked up. Why had he left you like that? Only Joel would be stupid enough to let you cry it out on your own, stupid alpha, bad alpha, fuck, fuck, fuck -, your voice pulled him from his self hatred.

“I’m sorry alpha,” you whispered into his skin, a fresh wave of cries wracking your body.

Joel sighed, swallowing his pride before pulling your face from his shoulder. He took your chin in his hands, forcing your reddened eyes to meet his. He saw guilt, the same that he felt now, reflected on your wet face and it made him want to scream.

“S’okay darling, it - I mean…,” he stopped for a moment before continuing, “I just wasn’t expecting it sweet girl, I overreacted. I’m the one that should be sorry.”

Confusion flashed in your eyes as you studied him, shaking your head at his words as they left his mouth.

“No, it IS my fault. You let me in, gave me food, a place to sleep, and I went through your things. I’m sorry I just thought -,” you froze, pulling your face from his hands and sitting back.

Joel reached forward to grab your chin, making you look at him once more. It frustrated him that you always seemed to find a way to avoid his gaze.

“What baby? What did you think?,” Joel blurted out, ignoring the way the nickname made you look at him.

“When I was with my group I-I… I used to snoop through my stepdad’s things to try and figure out what he was up to, or sometimes I would go through the stuff they took for review in the chapel. I know it was wrong, but I… I don’t know, they wouldn’t tell me anything about… well literally anything, and after they started keeping me apart from everyone -,” you stopped as Joel cut in.

“Review? What do you mean by that?,” Joel said, his face now serious.

You shrunk under his gaze and Joel made himself relax. He tried to keep the possessiveness that tensed his muscles and made him want to bare his teeth at whoever had hurt you. You watched Joel’s hand moved up your shirt, thumb starting to rub circles on your bare skin. He waited for you to push him away but instead he felt as you melted into him again.

Sighing, you looked back up at him before starting over, “When a book or anything else was sinful er… when Josiah thought it was at least, he would take it for review. If it was found guilty of heresy, then whatever it was would be burned. But I um… well I know it’s not right, but I used to steal it back if I could or sometimes I would sneak out with Jake or I would steal food from the meal hall and bring it to whoever was in the pit.”

An uneasy feeling prickled along Joel’s spine, his instincts alerting him of his omega in danger. His omega? Fuck it, there are more important things to worry about right now, he thought as he winced at your words.

Joel had experience with these types of groups, the religious types were always a bit more insidious than the others he had encountered. Desperate people taken under the wing of a twisted mind, using religion to keep themselves powerful. A brief memory flashed through his mind of David and of what he had almost done to Ellie. He went cold.

“What did they… Did they ever put you in the pit?,” Joel asked carefully as he moved his free hand up to cup the back of your neck, digging his fingers into your sensitive skin and practically forcing your body to remain calm.

You blinked and looked up at him with faraway eyes before you said, “Once. Only once. It only lasted a couple of weeks, or maybe it was months I don’t know… And then they were all dead and I was free.”

Joel had so many questions that he wanted to ask but he refrained. He recognized that faraway look that you were giving him, he had used that mask for years but he didn’t like the way it looked on you. Wracking his brain, Joel tried to think of a way to bring you back to him.

“What was the best thing you ever stole?,” he blurted out, cringing at the question.

Joel was surprised as he was met with nothing but laughter from you. Your body shook in his grasp as you threw your head back and a snort forced its way out of your nose. Joel joined, his laughter mixing with yours and warming the room. Wiping your eyes, you caught your breath and looked at him affectionately.

“I uh,” you laughed again before starting over, “I stole a bottle of whiskey that had been confiscated. Then I snuck out with Jake, his boyfriend, and a few other teenagers that they knew. We demolished the bottle and then went skinny dipping, which… I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if they found out, but it was fun. We got away with it… I mean we sorta did. I definitely didn’t escape the headache, but no siestas at the pit for anyone.”

Joel laughed at your story, soothed as the happy memory seemed to pull you back from the depths of whatever hell you had made for yourself in your mind. He brushed a stray tear from your cheek, relieved that it was from laughter rather than sadness.

“S’that right? Didn’t know I had a rebel living with me, thought you were a good girl,” he tsked, playfulness dancing in his eyes.

You gasped slightly, batting your eyelashes up at him before playing with the collar of his coat as you said, “I’m a lot of things alpha.”

Joel gritted his teeth as a moan threatened to expose him. His cock gave a hard twitch in his pants, your scent suddenly overwhelming him as you mindlessly shifted in his lap. The hand he had on your bare hip moved to the small of your back. He felt the softness of your skin before pushing you forward without even thinking. Joel didn’t even register your gasp, your scent wiping his mind of any thought as his hardening dick now rubbed against you. He moved his face towards your neck, fighting the urge to bite down as he gave you a feverish kiss on your gland. Joel’s tongue darted out to taste you, eyes rolling into the back of his head at the taste as he felt you grind yourself needily against him.

It was the high pitched moan that pulled Joel from his indulgence. He stopped in his tracks and you whined, trying to keep his face in the crook of your neck as he moved back. He looked back up at you. You looked fucked out already with your eyes hazy and cheeks hot with lust. Your breathing was as erratic as his as you tried desperately to rub yourself against his aching cock. Groaning, Joel stopped your movements.

“Darling I - we can’t. I know you think you want this, but you don’t. You probably ain’t ever been in close confines with an alpha before, and we… this can’t happen. You don’t want an old man like me and I ain’t about to take advantage,” Joel said through gritted teeth, fighting desperately to remain focused with your chest heaving in front of his face.

The whine you let out almost broke him, it clawed at every ounce of self control that he had but he held strong.

“You wouldn’t be taking advant-,” you cried, trying to weasel out of his ironclad grip on your hips so you could rub your sweet pussy all over him.

He cut you off before you could break him.

“I would be taking advantage. PLEASE baby, we can’t. It ain’t you, okay? Pretty girl like you, it could never be you. S’all me, ya hear?,” Joel said, practically begging you to relent before he snapped and fucked you into the mattress.

You stopped your motions, looking up at him curiously. You sighed, looking a little disappointed and very riled up, but you finally relented.

Joel was surprised as you swung your legs off of him and scooched off the bed. You moved towards the bathroom, leaving him on the bed with a prominent bulge pressing against his zipper and his mouth opening and closing like a fish. You turned, an innocent smile gracing your soft features as you looked back at him.

“Okay well, let me know when you change your mind,” you said simply, turning into the bathroom and shutting the door behind you.

Joel sat there for a moment in silence, his dick painfully hard and leaking at this point as he tried to figure out whether or not that had actually just happened. He heard the sound of the shower being turned on and you easing the curtain back to step under the stream. A fantasy flashed through his mind of him barging into the bathroom, of him stepping into the shower and falling to his knees, of him burying his face into your tight cunt and devouring you, of him lifting you up and spearing you on his cock, of him drilling you into the shower wall until you screamed and tightened around him. Joel palmed his length, shaking his head as he looked at the bathroom door.

“I am so fucked.”

#alpha!joel miller #angst #comfort #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #omega reader #joel x reader #tlou fanfic #religious trauma #a/b/o dynamics #eventual smut

42 notes · View notes

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 2 months

Text

Working Hard (Hardly Working)

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

WC: 4k

Summary: Joel helps you out at the gym and you thank him in the locker room ;)

Content: 18+ MDNI, slightly unhealthy relationship with food (blink and you’ll miss it), oral f!receiving, Joel Miller is a munch, unprotected piv, cream pie, reader is able to lift weights & incline walk, Joel is able to lift reader.

a/n: I wrote this instead of going to the gym :/ If you hate it please don't tell me 😘

You push open the doors to the gym, the familiar smell of metal and sweat invading your lungs as you step inside. You don’t necessarily enjoy working out, but you do enjoy sweet treats, and that makes working out a necessity. So, a few weeks ago, you begrudgingly got yourself a membership the gym closest to where you live, which happened to be Rock Hard Fitness. Unsurprisingly, it was an extremely male dominated environment.

After swiping your key card, you drop your stuff in the locker room and head to the dreaded cardio floor. You mildly dislike working out, but you absolutely hate cardio, and unfortunately for you, the weight floor is packed full of gym bros and meatheads who are not pleased to share their space with beginners who aren’t “on their level.” Despite the unwelcoming atmosphere, you can’t stand another day of incline walking; today you're going to lift weights or die trying.

From the cardio deck, you watch the people lifting, taking stock of the machines being used least and trying to pick out any attractive guys you can distract yourself with during your warmup. You really don’t enjoy the typical gym bro look, which means your efforts are most often for naught, but today someone different catches your eye. He’s definitely older than the average guy in the gym, broad shoulders, meaty thighs—you're basically drooling while watching him. Is it wrong to objectify people in the gym? Absolutely. Does that stop you from thirsting over the mystery gym dilf? Absolutely not.

After deeming yourself officially warmed up, you leave the safety of the cardio deck, jumping straight into the shark tank. Immediately, the booming bass of the speakers is leaking through your headphones, no longer allowing you to enjoy Kesha and Britney in peace. Great. You just take the headphones off, leaving them in your locker with the rest of your stuff before spying the gym equivalent of a unicorn: a squat rack, completely open.

You make a beeline for the rack and immediately set your sweatshirt and water bottle on the ground beside it, staking your claim. Not having to fight for a place to lift takes away half the battle of the weight deck; you breathe a sigh of relief as you survey the rest of the floor.

Now your only problem is that it’s been months since you last lifted, and you have absolutely no idea what weight to start with. You know you've lost strength, but surely you’re still able to lift your warm-up weight, right? The weights are added, and you line yourself up, taking a couple of breaths to steady yourself before standing up, moving the bar from the rack to your shoulders. Immediately, the weight is not what you remembered it being—much heavier, in fact—but you’re not about to immediately rerack and take weight off; that would be humiliating.

So, you steady yourself and dip down, enjoying the familiar strain of your muscles. After the first rep, you’re feeling alright, you can definitely handle this weight, you’ll just do less repetitions. You continue, reveling in the burn of your legs as you struggle to push yourself back up as you complete the first set. You’ve done the 6 reps you decided on, but you’re feeling good and you’re pretty confident you can do another so you go back down, determined to complete a seventh and immediately you can tell it’s a mistake.

You get stuck halfway back up, no matter how hard you strain, the weight won’t budge. You’ve never had to bail before, always having a spotter, you realize you don’t even know how to safely drop the weight. This is it, you’re going to humiliate yourself your first day in this gym and you’ll never be able to show your face again. Your legs are shaking, you’re panting with the effort to hold yourself up when your saving grace arrives.

You hear the low drawl of a southern accent and suddenly the weight has been halved, allowing you to stand up and rerack the weight. You turn around to thank your savior and are struck speechless when you find yourself face to face with mystery gym dilf.

“You alright there?” He asks, eyebrows scrunched with concern.

“Yeah, uh, yes, thank you, “ you answer breathlessly.

“S’really no trouble, can’t believe nobody helped you sooner,” He huffs, clearly offended on your behalf. Your face heats as you realize this means he saw how long you were stuck for.

“Well, everyone’s wrapped up in themselves, I guess that’s half the point of coming here,” you shrug, unbothered by your fellow gym goer’s lack of concern for your wellbeing.

“Gym bros,” you sigh in unison, and immediately burst into laughter.

“Can’t stand gym folk, but I stopped workin’ construction and now I actually gotta workout,” He explains, as if he needs to prove he isn’t one of the aforementioned gym bros.

“Me too,” you sigh, and burst into laughter at the skeptical look he gives you.

“No, I’m a barista, I just make myself too many drinks to not be working out,” you laugh and watch as his expression shifts to one of amusement.

“You’ve got jokes,” he chuckles, “I was wonderin’ what someone as pretty as you was doin’ workin’ construction.”

Your face heats at his compliment, “What? Your construction crew isn’t full of beautiful women?”

“Trust me darlin’, if you were on my crew I wouldn’t ‘a switched to management.” He leans up against the rack, watching you closely for your reaction to his bold comment.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were coming on to me,” you smirk, watching the tips of his ears go pink despite him initiating the flirting.

“Is that okay?” He asks, boldness suddenly replaced with a self conscious demeanor, “I wasn’t aimin’ to make ya uncomfortable.”

“That is more than okay,” you try to remember his name and realize he never gave it.

“Joel,” He sticks his hand out and you hold back a small laugh at the formality.

You give him your name and when he repeats it, testing the word in his mouth, you don’t think it’s ever sounded better.

“Well, I was just wrappin’ up,” He scratches the back of his head, as if he is unsure how to proceed now that you’ve actually introduced eachother.

“If it’s not too much trouble, would you mind spotting me?” You ask, searching his face for any sign of displeasure, “I mean, I think we both know I could use one.”

He laughs at that. “Not any trouble at all, darlin’.”

Your breath hitches at the nickname. You’d never been one for petnames but the way it sounds coming from his mouth, his low southern drawl, the slight gravel of his voice, it has you fighting the urge to squeeze your thighs together. You look up after realizing you’d been silent just a little to long and spot the amused glint in his eyes.

“Alright, 2nd times the charm I guess,” you say before positioning yourself beneath the bar again, this time with the security of Joel’s warmth behind your back.

You lift the bar off the rack and hinge down, enjoying the familiar burn of pushing back up, it’s on about your third rep that you begin to struggle, taking slightly longer to straighten out. It’s at this point when Joel steps a little closer, not touching the bar but readying himself to step in.

“Atta girl,” Joel encourages as you push yourself up, the praise sending a jolt of heat to your core.

You need to lock in, you can’t get distracted because an attractive older man is giving you the praise your father never did. But, when you complete your next rep and he murmurs more encouragement, you swear he has to be fucking with you. There is no way he isn’t aware of the effect his words are having on you.

You do your second to last rep and he leans forward slightly, “Such a good girl.”

You damn near drop the weight, and when you complete the set and rerack the bar, you whip around and are met with Joel’s smirking face. He definitely knew what he was doing, and your look of annoyance seemed to only further his amusement.

“Somethin’ wrong?” His eyes widen as he feigns innocence. Fine, two can play that game.

“My form feels a little off, can you tell me if it looks alright?” Before he gets a chance to respond you’re already dropped down in a body weight squat, just close enough that your ass brushes the front of his shorts. You know if he didn’t want this he’d take a step back, but to your surprise he stays right where he is and you can feel the bulge in his shorts growing with each rep.

“Form looks alright to me, darlin’,” Joel rolls his eyes at your antics, “You grind on any man who spots you?”

“Just the ones I like,” you throw back before turning around, watching the spark of amusement in his eyes give way to darkening pupils.

“You want a hand with that?” You gesture to the growing outline of his cock against the confines of his shorts, “or a mouth?”

“I wouldn’t object,” Joel smirks, taking your hand and practically dragging you to the locker room.

You find an empty changing stall and you are immediately tearing at Joel’s clothes trying to remove the layers keeping you from the broad shoulders and thick thighs you knew he was hiding. Eventually you remember the reason you came in here and drop to your knees, pawing at his boxers.

“Fuck darlin’, ya gotta let me taste you,” Joel lifts you from your knees and sets you on the bench with the ease of someone moving a misbehaved kitten. He drops to his knees and that’s when you register what he means.

You freeze, shock apparent in your features because Joel stops pulling down your shorts to look at you, “Are you comfortable with this?” He asks, searching your features for an answer, “If you want to be done just say the word darlin’, no hard feelings.”

“No! Trust me I am more than comfortable with this,” you jump to reassure, “I’ve just never met a guy that actually wants to give me head.”

He scoffs before continuing his efforts to get your tight gym shorts off, “Idiots.”

You almost laugh at how immediately he’d resumed his work once he’d been given the go ahead. He groans when he sees the wet spot on your panties, a plain cotton thong, and before you have time to feel embarrassed he’s ripped them down your legs and is devouring you with a vigour you’ve never experienced.

Joel eats pussy like he’s starved, lapping at your slick like its the best thing he’s ever tasted, and if you asked him, he’d say it was. You thread your fingers through his hair and he groans when you pull.

“Tell me what you like,” He murmurs, parting with your pussy for the few precious seconds it takes to get the words out.

“What?” Your face scrunches with confusion and pleasure as his lips create suction against your clit.

“When I do something you like, tell me. When I do something you don’t like, tell me.” He directs before returning to his mouth to your pussy, swiping small circles around your clit with his tongue.

“Fuck, Joel,” you moan with complete disregard for the extremely thin door separating you from a heavily populated public space.

He switches from languid movements against your clit to lapping along your slit, never fully breeching the entrance, teasing you realize.

“Don’t tease,” you manage to get out, a tug of his hair accompanying your directive as you attempt to signal his efforts should return to your clit.

“Is there something you want?” He looks up, a smug smile painting his face. Of course he was on his knees and you were still going to be the one begging.

“What you were doing before,” you really don’t want to explicitly state what you want.

“You can grind on me in a public gym but you can’t tell me how you want your pussy eaten?” Joel chuckles, blatantly amused at your sudden prudeness.

“Stop being an asshole, you know what I want,” you know getting annoyed with the only man who’s been eager to give you head for wanting you to tell him how to do it best is completely unreasonable, but you also know he is purposefully being difficult.

“Here, I’ll even tell you what to say,” a mischevious glint appears in his eyes, “‘Joel, please lick my clit’, that’s all you gotta say darlin’”.

Your eyes widen at the crude language and he chuckles at your shocked expression, as if you weren’t already getting eaten out in the locker room of a public gym. You figure a few crass words couldn’t dig you into any deeper trouble.

You take a deep breathe and meet Joel’s eyes, irises taken over by the black abyss of his pupils. “Joel, please lick my clit.”

He supresses a shudder and you see his left hand reach down to palm his cock through his shorts before he smiles, “Your wish is my command, sweetheart.”

He dives in, and immediately his tongue is working over your clit, drawing figure eights and circles, never letting the pattern become predictable, never letting you get used to the stimulation.

You moan as his tongue works its magic, and his hands reach up and grasp your breasts, squeezing and massaging. Eventually, he slides a finger along your slit, and without warning, plunges it into you. You groan at the intrusion and buck against his mouth. He doesn’t stop licking, instead sliding his free hand down to try to relieve some pressure from his cock, palming himself desperately through his shorts to your whimpers and moans.

It isn't long before you feel the knot in your stomach start to build, and your breath starts to catch in your throat.

"Oh fuck, Joel I'm gonna cum," You warn him,

Joel groans into your pussy as he continues to lick and suck at your juices, speeding up his actions.

You're moaning and gasping, and suddenly your orgasm hits you. You buck against Joel's face and cry out. He moans at the feeling of you clenching around his fingers as he works you through your high, lapping more gently at your clit as you shudder through the waves of pleasure.

"Wow," you heave once you are able to catch you’re breath.

"Good?"

"Fucking great."

You lay there catching your breath, a satisfied smile still plastered on your face. You reach down and unzip Joel's shorts, pulling his cock free. It's hard and throbbing, almost painfully so, a testament to your performance and his excitement. You wrap your hand around it, marveling at the warmth and hardness of it.

“Darlin, we don’t have to,” Joel starts to protest before you shoot him a look that shuts him up.

“Joel Miller if you aren’t fucking me in the next 30 seconds I’ll have no choice but to report you for causing undue distress.”

He chuckles as you tug him forward by his shirt, “Yes ma’am.”

“I’m on the pill, and clean, so uh,” you know you really shouldn’t be making this offer.

“I’m clean too,” He replies, eyes fixed on your face.

“I’m okay not using a condom if you are,” you can feel your face heat at how terrible of an idea you know it is, and how bad you want it despite that knowledge.

“Fuck darlin’, I’m not gonna complain,” He groans, shivering as you begin to lightly stroke him.

Joel moves between your spread legs and your heart races as he lines himself up. You can feel the warmth of his cock against your entrance, slick with desire and Joel’s spit.

"Are you sure about this?" his voice is low and husky, and he laughs a little at your eager nod. Before you can make a snarky comment you’re gasping as he fills you, your walls stretching around him, accommodating his girth.

“Fuuuck,” you moan, concerned he might actually be splitting you in half. You’ve definitely never taken anyone this big before but you’d be damned if gave Joel the ego boost of knowing that.

“Takin’ it so well for me sweetheart,” he murmurs into your ear, holding still as you adjust to his size.

“Joel, move please,” you mean for it to be a demand but the breathy whine it comes out as has Joel chuckling as he brushes a strand of hair from your face.

He moves slowly at first, each thrust drawing a low moan from you. You paw at his shirt, suddenly deeming the extra layer an offense of the highest order. He chuckles and pulls the shirt off, giving you access to lick and suck across the expanse of his broad chest.

You kiss his chest, your lips leaving a wet trail to his nipple, which you roll between your teeth causing him to shudder. He picks up his pace, his hands wrapping around your waist, pulling you into him tighter. You wrap your legs around his hips, feeling his cock stretch you even more as he drives into you.

"Joel, fuck," you moan, your voice barely a whisper.

"You enjoyin’ yourself, sweetheart?" he asks between thrusts, his eyes locked on yours, a small smirk playing on his lips.

Before you can come up with a snarky response, he’s found a new angle that’s sending sparks through your body with every thrust. The only response you can manage is a strangled moan.

“Aw, are you a little cock dumb, darlin?” He asks with mock empathy, “Can’t even answer a yes or no question,” He scoffs, but the tender look in his eyes lets you know he’s not being serious.

Serious or not, you can’t understand how he still has the mental bandwidth to be teasing you.

He moves faster now, pounding into you, the sounds of your wetness filling the locker room. Your clit makes contact with coarse hairs above his cock, sending your hurtling towards your climax.

"Fuck, I’m close," you whisper, feeling the familiar growing tension in your core.

“Atta girl, are you gonna come for me sweetheart?” He coos, his gentle tone a complete contrast to his harsh thrusts.

“Joel, please,” you don’t even know what you’re begging for and before you can figure it out, you feel a wave of warmth crash over you as you orgasm, your body trembling as you buck and writhe underneath him.

“It’s okay, you’re okay sweet girl,” Joel holds you firm against the bench as you attempt to squirm away from the now overstimulating thrusts as he continues to fuck you.

Joel's pace quickens, his hips slapping against your skin with each deep thrust. With one hand on your hip, he uses the other to reach down and rub your clit, sending shockwaves of pleasure throughout your entire being. Your muscles clench around his cock as his own release nears.

"I’m gettin’ close," he growls, his voice thick with lust. "Where do you want it, sweetheart?”

You're breathless, sweat dripping down your skin as Joel thrusts into you, his words sending a fresh wave of arousal through you.

"Inside," you gasp, your eyes locked on his as he comes closer to the edge.

Joel adjusts his grip and with a few powerful thrusts, he slams deep inside of you, and you feel the explosion of his release like a firework going off, the sensation making your eyes roll back in pleasure.

"Oh fuck, Joel," you cry out, your own climax crashing over you again, making your limbs shake uncontrollably and your nails dig into his shoulders.

Eyes closed, he leans his forehead against yours as he continues to hold himself inside you, his cock twitching from his spent orgasm. When he pulls away you collapse into a boneless heap on the bench, and when he eyes your exhausted form you can tell his ego is growing every second you remain motionless.

You know you should get dressed before the cum begins to pool on the bench, or run down your legs, but you find yourself with a lack of motivation. You are quickly realizing your decision had not been a good one, as you now had to drive home with cum soaked panties. From Joel’s raised eyebrows he appeared to be having the same thought.

"You alright there?" Joel's voice carries a teasing lilt as he watches you flop around the bench.

You shoot him a playful glare, pulling your shorts back on. “I think this is the first time I’ve ever enjoyed cardio.”

"I think you have to be moving for it to be cardio, darlin’,” he chuckles, a smirk playing on his lips, “and all I saw you do was lay there and take it."

“I’ll have you know it’s a lot more tiring than it sounds,” you launch his shirt at his head in mock indignation.

He catches the balled-up t-shirt with a laugh, his eyes sparkling with amusement, “Whatever you say sweetheart.”

He pulls the shirt on before his expression shifts, his usual playful demeanor softening into something more earnest. As you pull your bra back on and glance back at him, you notice a hint of bashfulness in his eyes.

“Wha-”

“I-”

“You first,” you decide, staring expectantly at the man in front of you who almost appears to be blushing.

“I know this is kinda backwards,” he runs his fingers through his hair, “but, could I take ya to dinner sometime?”

You almost began to laugh at the realization his strange change in demeanor was just because he was scared to ask you out. The man could fuck you within an inch of your life in a public locker room, but asking you on a date was what made him nervous.

You quickly stifle your laugh when you see his face drop at your reaction, “Fuck Joel, of course I want to get dinner with you.”

His expression brightens instantly, a smile spreading across his face. “Really?” he asks, almost sounding incredulous.

“Yeah, really,” you confirm, feeling a warmth spreading in your chest at his genuine enthusiasm.

Joel reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, quickly unlocking it. “Could I get your number?” he asks, holding the phone out to you, “if you’re comfortable with that.”

“Definitely,” you say, taking the phone and typing in your digits before handing it back to him.

“Great,” he says, grinning as he saves your contact. “I’ll text you later then?”

“I’ll be waiting,” you reply, smiling back.

With that settled, the two of you gather your belongings and walk out of the locker room together. You are pretty sure nobody else was in there while you were fucking, but you can’t help but feel that everyone in the gym knows you just fucked this man you had met maybe 30 minutes ago. You look at Joel and he seems completely at ease so you try to channel his confidence as you walk through the gym and out the front doors. You step out into the fresh air and share one last smile with the man before you walk to your respective cars, both looking forward to getting to know each other outside of the confines of Rock Hard Fitness. Really, with a name like that, what other outcome could you have expected?

513 notes · View notes

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 2 months

Text

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter Summary:

You wake in a place that you've never been with a handsome stranger asleep in the corner of the room. After an interesting first encounter, you become more acquainted with your host.

Warnings: Angst/comfort, talks of past abuse, religious trauma, Joel is hard on himself as per always, brief mention of smut, A/B/O Dynamics

A/N: Hey guys! Here is chapter 2, as always let me know what you think :) - Side note, if you do ever get the chance to eat babka then please do. That shit is bussin

Chapter 2/20

Chapter 2: First Encounters

- Joel -

When Sarah was a baby Joel remembers standing over her crib for hours each night. She was so small, so delicate, and she only had him. Sarah’s mom split only a couple of months after her birth, Joel didn’t blame her. They were young and dumb, quick fucks sprinkled here and there when the need became too much. Hands pawing desperately at clothes in the dark corner of whatever dingy bar Tommy had dragged him to, late night hookups in the cab of his truck, quickies in the host’s bedroom at some party, frenzied days spent together locked away from the world as need coursed through their veins. Even during his rut, with his mind centered around nothing but pure instinct, he could never bring himself to bite down on that spot on her neck that beckoned him.

Joel never introduced her to his friends or family, and she didn’t introduce him to hers either, that’s not what their relationship was for. So when she went radio silent for a couple months after a sloppy makeout sesh in the garage at Tommy’s SuperBowl party, he didn’t really think anything of it. Imagine Joel’s surprise when his booty call showed up at his door five months later with a rounded belly and bags under her eyes.

He dropped everything. The guilt he felt for not being there for his pup, even in the womb, shredded him to pieces. He did everything he could for the mother of his child, taking out a mortgage to buy a nice house for them to live in as a family, waiting on her hand and foot, even using up all of his sick days so he could be home for if she needed so much as a blanket from the other room. Protect, provide, protect, provide, protect, provide - these words crashed against the inside of his skull, pulling him into a sea of instinct. An instinct that blinded him from seeing what was truly in front of him, until it was too late.

Sarah’s mom had tried, Joel would give her that. She used all the strength she could to connect to the baby that had her hair, her nose, her chin. But this wasn’t the life she wanted and Joel most certainly was not the alpha she had pictured herself with. Slowly, Joel watched her draw into herself, dark circles framing her eyes and a frown morphing her face into something unrecognizable. He felt her slowly begin to detach from them, distancing herself until Joel couldn’t remember the last time she had even been in the same room as Sarah.

The night she left, Joel had woken to the sound of Sarah fussing in her crib. Barely cognitive, he had gotten up and sleepily shuffled down the hall to Sarah’s room, only to come face to face with her mother. Coat and shoes on, with her purse over her shoulder as she turned to look at Joel. With her eyes red rimmed and nose running slightly, she had tried to say something but faltered before looking back down at Sarah again. He knew then, and it didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would have.

“Honey, it’s alright. I’ve got this, I’ve got her,” Joel had said to her softly, feeling the tension in the air break as the words washed over both of them.

And she had left, never to return, which Joel was okay with. He had his sweet girl who he let paint his fingernails despite the ribbing he would get from Tommy over it, the girl that he would read stories to every night - always changing the ending so that she never got bored, the girl who as a preteen somehow dragged him to a Christina Aguilera concert - which led to another round of teasing from his baby brother. He would gladly do it all. Sarah’s mother wasn’t his mate. He had no claim over her and, as much as their beautiful baby was the air that he breathed, the role of mother had sucked the life out of the woman. Joel didn’t wish that on anyone, so he let her go.

Still, being a single parent was no easy task and Joel oftentimes found himself sitting in the rocker in Sarah’s room as she slept, terrified that something would happen to her. Even when she got older and became more independent, some nights he would lie awake in his room for hours before creeping down the hallway, standing in her doorway and watching her breathe as she slept. Joel would let the aroma of strawberries and vanilla wash over him, bathing him in waves of tranquility. His pup was safe and sleeping peacefully, he had provided, he was good. After pulling the blankets up over her shoulder or carefully brushing her curls from her face, needing to fuss over her even in her sleep, Joel would groggily drift down the hallway and fall into a deep sleep every time.

With Ellie it was different, dodging danger for months on end, but the result was the same. After Tess died he found himself sleeping less, staying up while she curled up in her sleeping bag, senses peeled for the first sign of danger. With Ellie, the smell of cinnamon and ginger was like a jolt to his nervous system.

He would pace around as she slept, letting his instincts go into overdrive and mumbling to himself like a madman, “Can’t fuck this up again, she can’t d… FUCK, no shut up. Must protect, must keep my pup safe, can’t let it happen again, I’m going to fuck this up again, I’m going to…”

Joel had never kicked himself harder for the time he had fallen asleep after laughing at one of Ellie’s corny jokes. Sure, Henry and Sam ended up being friendly, but that was no excuse. It had been the first dreamless sleep he had in years. He had never told Ellie that, he’s not sure he ever would have but he wishes he could now. He wishes for a lot of things.

After Salt Lake City, he felt untethered from reality. Joel floated in limbo with nothing but his memories to guide him for four years, memories that he hated to admit; were fading every damn day. Everyday he felt like he was trying to do his best impression of what he thought a normal man would be like. Realistically Joel was just waiting out the clock until his last breath, hoping everyday that it would hurry the hell up. He assumed that he would never cross anyone else’s path again, except for maybe Tommy. He had even hoped for it, but now here you were.

Sleeping peacefully in his bed, hands clasped under your chin as small puffs of air nudge the hair that is stuck to your face. Your scent, smoother now and oh so sweet, soaking into the sheets - HIS sheets. Joel longs to step forward, to softly push your hair back and take a wet cloth to the grime on your face but he refrains. Joel is a stranger to you and, despite his volatile past and general crankiness, he doesn’t want to scare a lost omega. He might be an asshole, but he has never been THAT type of asshole. Plus, he knows this reaction is just a biological response. Your despair has activated a part of his brain that he had thought died with Ell - no. He wouldn’t think about that right now, not when you needed him.

After carrying you from the river he had stood in the entryway for a solid ten minutes, unsure of how to proceed. Joel felt uneasy with leaving you in the living room, wary of the springs in the old couch that always dug into his ass. He couldn’t even think about letting you sleep on the ground. Hell, he would let you use him as a mattress before he did that. Joel thought briefly about putting you in the bunk bed but he quickly shook those thoughts away. He hadn’t opened that door since his first day here and he did not plan on breaking that streak today. The only option was for Joel to put you in his bed but he hesitated, dreading it. He didn’t want you to think he wanted something from you, that he would ever take advantage of your vulnerability. He was also slightly irked at the thought of you invading his space, undoubtedly saturating the space with your scent.

While Joel stood in silent contemplation you were none the wiser, cuddling into his chest and rubbing your nose on his shirt. Unbeknownst to him, you dreamt of lounging in the sun. Tendrils of his musk wrapped around your brain and pulled you deeper into relaxation. Joel was still standing there, wondering if he should just wake you up, when he heard it. Looking down, he watched as you practically smothered yourself with his shirt, pushing your nose into his chest and purring in your sleep. Hearing you flipped a switch in Joel’s brain, the answer becoming as clear as day to him. With a recharged sense of purpose, Joel carries you to his bed and settles you on his comforter. Easing the tattered boots off your feet, he practically swaddles you in his blankets. Besides a small noise of protest as he puts your body down, you remain unconscious while he fusses over you. He leaves the room only for a moment, tearing through the living room for more quilts to throw on top of your already buried frame.

Satisfied for the moment, Joel sits on the armchair by the window in his room. Watching the rise and fall of your chest, his mind is completely blank. He knows that he is going to freak out about this at some point. He can feel the suppressed panic attack stirring behind his ribs but, almost as if you can sense it in your sleep, your sweet aroma ripples out to him and pulls him deeper into the fog. With lavender and peppermint coating the back of his throat, he lets the in and out of your breathing lure him into an almost hypnotic state.

For a moment Joel remembers when he and Tommy were pups and their parents took them to Crystal Beach in Austin. He remembers the sound of the waves and laughing with Tommy as they chased each other along the sand, their mother calling to them to be gentle and cringing as they tackled each other to the ground. Joel remembers his father’s laugh as he wrapped his arms around his wife, whispering something in her ear that made her laugh and swat him away. He also remembers the distraction leaving an opening for Tommy to launch himself into Joel’s side, knocking him into the water. He remembers smiling so hard that day that his face hurt the next morning. Joel huffs out a soft chuckle, realizing that he hasn’t thought about that day for the last twenty years. Feeling almost delirious, he closes his eyes. Listening to the waves in his head from that day, with your presence easing the tension in his aching muscles, Joel drifts off.

-You-

When you were seventeen years old, Miriam had taken you and Jake to the lake near camp to teach you to swim. She had grumbled for years about how ridiculous it was that nobody had ever taught you. Miriam had waited, carefully choosing a time where she knew Josiah would be off on a hunt and your mother would be sullenly kneeling in the chapel, saying prayers that you were beginning to understand meant nothing to her.

With you presenting as an omega a couple years earlier, the noose had tightened around your neck considerably. Although you never really had friends before, Miriam and Rachel barely making the list of people you were allowed to interact with despite the fact that they were both pushing seventy, now you were basically banished to the house. Jake had presented a year before you, another omega, but this didn’t change your parent’s worries. Sure, he couldn’t impregnate you but he could certainly corrupt you in other ways. In a way he did, passing you notes in chapel with drawings of Josiah in compromising positions, smuggling you unapproved books that his aunt had stashed under her bed away from prying eyes, confiding in you whenever he could get you away from your mother about his secret kisses with a red haired omega boy that he thought was handsome, collapsing into your arms sobbing when that boy was forced to bond with the alpha Josiah had chosen for him. In a way they were right to worry about Jake, as he fueled the silent resentment that clawed its way further up your throat with each passing day.

With both of your parents indisposed, Miriam had snuck the two of you out the back gate. You remember Rachel, being on patrol, giving her mate an incredulous look as she approached.

“Are you fucking serious right now Mimi?,” the alpha had hissed as Miriam approached her.

Unfazed, Miriam had sauntered over to her mate and playfully shaken her, “Come on Rach, they’re just pups. Let them have some fun, just this once? Pleeeeeease?”

Scoffing and shaking her head, Rachel had let the three of you through with a strict demand to come back at the first sign of trouble. Although you could tell she was wary of allowing three omegas out completely alone, she knew Miriam could handle herself.

The day was hot, with the sun beating down on your face and causing sweat to drip down your back. Even so, it was the perfect day. The water was cool and Miriam had been patient as she showed you the basics, managing to get a solid doggy paddle out of you before it was time to go back. Jake had spent the day swimming circles around the both of you but you didn’t mind, your dreams of being able to keep your head above water were fulfilled and that was enough for today.

It was only on your way back that you noticed the redness of your skin, the heat radiating from the burn that covered most of your body. Although you had made it back to camp without alerting anyone, your mother immediately noticed the sunburn that stained your features. After giving you a good walloping on your already stinging backside, she had sent you off to bed without any supper. The next morning you had woken up feeling like death itself, with your body aching from the beating, your head pounding and stomach growling, and your sunburn making you feel downright feverish.

“Worth it,” you had said to yourself before hauling yourself out of bed to tend to your chores.

Waking in the bed of the stranger who had lifted you from the riverbank, you felt pretty much the same as you did that morning. Your body was raw, a dull throb present in all of your muscles and head, as well as your stomach panging with hunger. Above all you felt hot, too hot. Rousing yourself further, you felt the sweat pouring down your face and the weight of what felt to be approximately ten blankets swallowing you. Kicking the offending heap off of your frame, you cautiously looked around the room.

The walls were bare, save for a drawing of a pink butterfly that someone had pinned to the wall. There was a worn joke book on the bedside table next to you, along with a pair of chunky reading glasses. Eyes adjusting to soft light shining through the window, you finally see him. You freeze for a moment, heart rising to your throat as you examine him.

He looks… handsome, you think. You have never thought that about someone before, but as you observe how the orange glow of the dying day makes his skin appear almost golden, you decide that he certainly fits the criteria. He has a scar on the side of his face, a strong nose, a mustache that tickles his upper lip and whiskers smattered over his cheeks. His hair is slightly disheveled, graying curls tousled on his head as he slumps in the chair, his deep breaths fanning out over his crossed arms. Arms that threaten to burst out of the confines of the flannel he wears, muscles bulging under the fabric in a way that makes your throat dry and your heart beat a little harder.

You can smell him, his woodsy scent inviting you to relax but you fight against the pull of your instincts. You know that he is an alpha based on his size alone, you know that you are in the middle of nowhere, and you know the position you are in. Steeling yourself, you gently creep out of the bed and tiptoe to the bedroom door. Looking back once more at the gorgeous man, you ease the door open and slip out as quietly as possible.

Moving forward into the space, you find a well lived home. Shelves adorned with books and carvings someone had made, a couch that looks like it has seen better days supplemented with ratty throw pillows, even a guitar sits in the corner. You pause for a moment, unsure of what to do. Quite frankly, you had assumed that he was a part of a larger group of alphas and that you would have to make a mad dash for the front door to escape your fate. You had been warned about groups like those, but you breathe a sigh of relief as you only smell the sandalwood and bergamot that pours off of the stranger in the other room. Looking to the front door for a moment, you begin to weigh your options as a growl comes from your stomach and leaves you groaning. You need food and you need it now. Gliding as quietly as you can into the kitchen, you poke through a few cabinets before finding a hidden treasure.

“Bingo,” you whisper as your shaking hands pull the box of chocolates from behind bottles of pickled vegetables on the bottom shelf.

As you tear into the ancient box, drool threatening to slide out of your mouth with the prospect of sweets, you wonder if chocolate goes bad. Fuck it, you think, I’m gonna find out today aren’t I? Cramming the first piece of chocolate into your mouth, your eyes roll back into your head at the taste. It’s a little chalky with how old it is, but the taste is still the same and it makes you feel like you might cry for a second before you dig in again. You manage to finish most of the box before a voice makes you freeze in place and straightens your spine.

“Whatcha got there sweetheart?,” the voice drawls, a distinct southern twang making your palms sweat for some reason.

You turn cautiously, eyes rounding as you take in the man that had previously been sleeping in the chair, now suddenly right behind you. Asleep, he had seemed a lot more harmless. Awake, he was a wall of muscle that towered over you. His face was no longer softened with sleep, instead now he looked surly and mean. He looked like he could snap you in two without even breaking a sweat, and suddenly you felt nauseous.

As if he can sense the change in your demeanor he steps further back, his hands raised slightly and palms faced outward, “Hey, hey, woah there sweet pea. I ain’t gonna hurt ya. Relax, you’re okay, you’re safe. My name is Joel, what’s yours?”

Your knees wobble slightly as you look at him. “Joel,” you whisper quietly to yourself, almost like a prayer.

“That’s right darling, Joel,” he affirms cautiously, hanging back as he tries to gauge your response and failing. Joel tries to meet your eyes but you keep looking away.

You tell him your name while looking at the wall behind him, saying it so quietly that he almost misses it. You try and fail to stop yourself from crying but tears begin to wet your cheeks as you stand in front of the alpha. You feel like you’re waiting for a judge to hand you a death sentence. Joel moves towards you carefully, hands still up, as if he is one of those bad guys in the cop shows your dad used to watch. As if you are the detective and he’s the criminal about to turn himself in. It would have made you laugh if you weren’t so damn terrified. You expect him to grab you, to drag you down the hall as you kick and scream for him to stop. What you don’t expect is for him to stop in front of you and take off his flannel, holding it out for you to grab. You raise your eyebrows, finally meeting his eyes as you size him up. They are nice eyes, more expressive than you think he would like them to be. While his face seems to be stuck on a grimace, his eyes are brown and remind you of a puppy dog.

“It’s uh, well you don’t have to take it but I’ve heard it helps for omegas when they - I mean, shit honey, I don’t really know what I’m even talking about but uh... Just take the damn thing, would ya?,” Joel says, getting more impatient the longer he stands there holding the fabric out to you.

You step forward and snatch the flannel from his hands, scurrying back even further than before and knocking your backside against the drawers behind you. You look down at the worn green flannel, still warm from his body. Or maybe that was just the warmth you felt holding it, feeling calmness invade your senses with this gift. You lean forward, diving face first into the fabric and drawing long breaths in through your nostrils before putting it on to let the feeling surround you. It feels almost like he is surrounding you, like his big arms are holding you close to his chest, like he’s leaning down and brushing his lips against - STOP. Nope, not gonna do this, definitely not gonna do this now, definitely not going to have these kinds of thoughts around a literal STRANGER, you chastise yourself as you try to pull yourself out of lala land. Looking back up at Joel, he looks a little red in the face as he watches you. Was he… flustered? No, definitely not. He’s probably just uncomfortable with the strange woman nearly foaming at the mouth while snuffling at his sweaty shirt. He crosses his arms over his chest, burly arms now on full display with only a white t-shirt covering him. He cocks his hip, watching you watch him. You realize Joel is waiting for you to say something.

You don’t know why you say it. Maybe because you’re nervous and desperate to cut the tension in the room, but the first thing you manage to say to him clearly is, “I really like chocolate.”

A beat passes. Joel looks at the chocolate smudged on your face, then down at the nearly empty box, then back up at your face.

“I can see that,” he deadpans.

You fidget as you meet his eyeline, trying to discern whether he is angry with you or not. Instead of rage, all you see is curiosity, maybe even a hint of playfulness hidden somewhere in there as well.

“I’m sorry, I was so hungry and I know I shouldn’t steal. Father Josiah would have my head if he knew I had raided your cupboards sir but I haven’t eaten in so long and I -,” you babble until he cuts you off.

“I ain’t mad, keep the rest for all I care. Just don’t be eating all my peanuts, I traded good meat for those,” he says, brushing past you to root through the fridge.

You stand there frozen as you watch him begin to pull stuff out to cook, unsure of what to do with yourself. Do you just leave now? Does he want you to stay? Can you stay? Why is he not saying anything? What does he want from you? Feeling your discomfort, Joel turns back around. He looks at you with a gaze that feels almost reverent, a gaze that has you shifting all of your focus on him immediately.

Joel’s eyes brush over your features as he says, “I’m gonna say this one more time Omega, and I need you to listen this time. You. Are. Safe. We can talk after you’ve had a shower and something more than sugar in your belly, okay?.”

His voice is lower as he speaks, almost a growl, which sends tingles from your core that radiate out to your fingertips. Without even thinking about it, your shoulders relax and you’re nodding at him as he hums in approval.

“Good girl, now go get washed up. There’s soap and towels under the sink in my bathroom. I’ll leave some clothes out for ya on the bed. When you come out we’ll eat and figure this out darling. Don’t worry about nothing. Go on now, get,” Joel commands, turning back to cooking.

Good girl. Those two words hook into the depths of your chest and steer you back down the hall to fulfill the task he had set out for you. Stumbling out of the kitchen, you pause in the hall as you catch a glimpse of another door. Hesitantly, you reach out and grasp the handle before his words yank you back towards the ensuite bathroom.

Grabbing the soap underneath the counter and turning the shower handle, you’re pleasantly surprised to find warm water gracing your filthy hands. The camp you had lived in before didn’t even have warm water. Hell, even the QZ showers were freezing, but that was mainly because the warm water only ever graced the homes of those low enough to work for FEDRA. You don’t even remember the last time you felt warm water like this, but you think maybe it was before the outbreak. A distant memory rises from the depths of your mind of you splashing your father as he tries to get you out of the bath before bed, his laugh bouncing off the walls and frizzy hair weighed down with soapy water.

You use all your strength to push the memory of your dad away and step under the warm spray, sighing as you let the heat soothe your tender muscles. You stand there and try to forget again as other, less kind, memories threaten to come to the surface.

- Joel -

Joel uses all of his energy to focus on the task at hand, cutting the vegetable and slathering the meat with spices, throwing everything into a pan and boiling some rice in the pot beside it. Soon, the air is filled with the aroma of the makeshift stir fry he’s trying to create but it doesn’t make him feel any better. He feels crazy.

Why the hell did Joel give you his flannel? He doesn’t even know. It’s true that he had heard that the smell of an alpha could soothe a distressed omega, a faint recollection from a health class that he would have attended nearly 40 years ago. Still, he definitely didn’t think it through. That much was obvious as he stood there and watched you not only accept his gift, but cherish it so openly in front of him. Joel had to grit his teeth, jaw popping to keep the groan that was threatening to spill out of his mouth. His cock, long since forgotten between his legs, twitched awake in his pants and he wished the ground would swallow him whole. You had looked up at him so sweetly and Joel almost forgot how to breathe. But then, after adorably establishing the fact that you liked the chocolate you had been scarfing down, you began frantically apologizing.

Joel had to stop himself from bounding forward and grabbing your small face in his hands, from commanding you to stop apologizing, from imploring you to never apologize to him ever again for something so trivial. You could have all the chocolate you wanted, you could take everything he owned and then some, he didn’t care. Couldn’t you see that? Joel would happily pluck out his own eyes if that’s what you wanted, if it would make you content. He would - wait what? Fuck, he thought, no, no, no, what the hell is happening to me?

Somehow even more flustered than before, Joel had squared his jaw and commanded you to relax, to go wash up so that you two could talk. Once again, being the idiot he was, Joel had thought that that was a good decision. But as he watched your body relax in response to his words, and more importantly how you reacted when he let those two words slip from his lips, he wanted to find the nearest body of water and walk directly into it. Good girl?! Seriously dude? Come on, get it together.

You were so… jumpy. So much so that it made Joel’s blood itch as he pondered what had made you that way, WHO had made you that way. Nonetheless, you had been soothed by his scent, his command, his words. Now he was making you dinner, trying to pull recipes from far off memories so that you have the best meal possible with what little options he had. You needed real food, you deserved something delicious, he needed to provide that for you, it would make you happy, it would make you feel safe, he would keep you safe, he would - Joel groans as he stops that line of thinking before he gets too deep, before he thinks about how he could make you happy, before he thinks about how he could make you feel good, before he thinks about what you would taste like if he pulled your panties to the side and slid his mouth against your-

“FUCK,” Joel shouts as the water boils over and scalds his hand, pulling him from those thoughts. Serves him right, he thinks to himself as takes the pot off the burner and berrates himself for being such a perv.

Running a hand through his hair and willing the bulge in his jeans to go down, he tries to focus on other things as he strains the rice and leaves the rest to simmer. Moving into the bedroom, he hears the shower running. He can smell your scent mixing with the spiciness of his soap, and he tries to think of anything to keep himself from going insane. The time Tommy accidentally sacked him so hard that he almost threw up during a game of backyard football, the time he watched an eight year old Sarah fall out of a tree head first and thought he might die of a heart attack, the time he got stabbed in front of Ellie, the time he got grilled by Tommy’s terrifying wife after Salt Lake City, anything to keep you off his mind.

Relaxing slightly, Joel tears through the closet to find the clothes he had shoved behind the hangers four years prior. He didn’t think he’d ever need the women’s clothes he had found in the drawers that day, but now he’s grateful he did. Laying out some choices for you, he hears the water stop. Heart beating quicker now, Joel darts out of the bedroom as fast as he can, wanting to give you privacy but also wanting to save himself from a sight that he knew would bring him to his knees.

- You -

Feeling like a brand new person, you dry off before wrapping yourself in a dark towel. Stepping into the bedroom with steam billowing out from behind you, you find a small pile of women’s clothes on the bed. You’re surprised, a pinch of jealousy running through you for a moment before you tamp it down. You have to remind yourself that you have no claim over Joel.

Sifting through the pile, you land on a pair of soft black sweatpants, the side of one leg boasting some women’s volleyball team in thick red letters. After shucking them on, you pick through the shirts for a moment but none of them appeal to you. From the corner of your eye, you spy a hamper filled with unwashed clothes. Creeping up to it, you snatch a soft looking brown t-shirt from the top. Hesitating for a moment, you pull it on over your head. Joel wouldn’t mind, would he? He had been the one to give you that flannel, this isn’t really any different. Right? Shoving your feet into the thick gray socks Joel left for you, you step out into the hall.

The delicious smell of whatever Joel is cooking makes your stomach growl. You feel like one of those cartoon characters being lifted and carried over to a windowsill by the steam billowing off of a freshly baked pie. Turning into the kitchen, you find Joel putting the food into bowls and mumbling to himself.

“It smells good,” you say quietly, wanting to alert him of your presence but he seems unphased, like he already knew you were behind him.

Joel hums, grabbing the bowls and forks before turning towards you. A moment passes between you as he sees you in his shirt. You watch as pink forms on the highs of his cheekbones before splotching down the side of his neck. Is he mad? You almost offer to take it off. Joel swallows audibly before walking towards you.

He stops in front of you, managing to hold your eyes for a moment before he says, “Let’s sit down, ain’t good to eat standing up.”

Joel brushes past you, eliciting a gasp from you at the contact. You follow him but remain in the doorway, watching as he places bowls on opposite ends of the table. Joel looks back and cocks his head, gesturing for you to come sit before he turns and falls into his chair with a groan. You scurry over and sit, finally looking down at the mouthwatering food he prepared for you. You pause and look up, watching Joel as he shovels steaming spoonfuls into his mouth. You suddenly feel slightly overwhelmed. You haven’t been given a meal as good as this in ages. And the size of the portion, he gave you so much?! Surely this is a test of some sort, you didn’t deserve this much food, you were an omega.

Joel looks up, frowning at you before speaking through a mouthful of food, “What? You a vegetarian or something?”

“Veget- what? What’s that?,” you say back.

He huffs out a laugh, shaking his head, “Nevermind, do you not like stir fry? I didn’t really know what else to make but if you want, I can make you something else.”

You sit there confused. Do you not like stir fry? Well first of all, you had never had it so you didn’t even know. Secondly, what did he mean he would make you something else? You could just simply… opt out of eating what he cooked? That was an option? Looking back up at Joel, he looks bewildered as he watches you grapple with your own thoughts.

“ I-I mean, I think I like it. I don’t know, I’ve never had it,” you mumble, looking down as you begin pushing the food around with your fork.

“Then eat it?,” he says incredulously, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You look him in the eyes, trying to see if he’s tricking you before you ask, “Do I get to eat all of it or will I get in trouble if I do?”

“Troub- what? What the hell are you talking about? I made that for you, you can eat some or all of it. Or fuck, I don’t know, eat none of it if that’s what you want. But ya gotta eat something other than candy or your belly is gonna be achin’ real soon darling,” Joel says, clearly baffled by your words and growing more impatient every second that you don’t eat.

You look down at the food again, sighing before you dig in. Joel watches as you moan around the first bites with a look in his eye that you can’t quite place, a look that makes you feel comforted even though you don’t fully understand it. Seemingly satisfied, he turns his attention back to his food and the two of you eat in silence.

The food is good, like really fucking good. Your mother had cooked, this is true, it was expected of her but she was never good at it. She boiled practically everything and what she didn’t boil, she would inevitably burn. Before the outbreak, you remember it was your father who had cooked all the family meals. You remember him playfully banishing her from touching anything in the kitchen ever again after she had started a small fire. After the outbreak the QZs only had rations, which didn’t really leave much room for culinary creativity.

Once Josiah came into your life your mother had taken up the task of homemaker, as that was the role he expected from her, but she never got any better at it despite the punishments she would get. The only time that you ever got to eat anything good was the rare occasions Josiah would bring candies for the pups, but you started getting left out of that the second that you reached puberty. Besides that, you remember that Miriam would sometimes sneak you pieces of sweet bread that she told you was called babka. You remember her bringing it to you after you had told her a little bit more about your dad. Miriam made you promise you wouldn’t tell anyone that she made it for you, especially not your stepfather, but you never understood why. Now you sat, eating the delicious food Joel made for you, and you wished you could repay the favor to her.

Once you were done Joel collected your plates, shooting you a stern look when you tried to help him before ushering you into the living room. You perched on the far end of the couch while he dropped down on the other end, the springs groaning from the weight of him.

“Okay,” Joel sighs before beginning, “Clearly, you’re a little bit lost. Well… I would say actually very lost because there ain’t a road in sight for damn near 30 miles, but that’s besides the point. You’re in a rough spot is what I’m trying to say, and I wanna help ya out but I need to know a bit more about you. Now, you can spare me the details, I just need to know who to take ya to.”

A beat passes before you say, “There’s… there’s no one.”

“What do you mean there’s no one? Where’s your group?”

You sigh, looking towards the wood carving of a man riding a horse on the bookshelf for a moment before you continue, “ I had a group… We had a leader, my stepdad, he… anyways, we were safe for a while, a really long time actually, but then a swarm of infected came from nowhere and we couldn’t fight them off. I left with a few people and we moved around for about a year before we stopped for gas in a town somewhere that way.”

Joel nods as you point vaguely in the direction you think it might be in, “Yeah, I know that little strip. The one with just a few shops and a gas station? Reckon it used to be a stop for truckers back in the day.”

You nod, hugging your knees to your chest with the tears starting to fall, “We weren’t there for very long but th-those things, they just came out of nowhere and then it was just me and R - … she told me to run so I did. By the time I stopped, I was lost. I didn’t know where to go so I just kept walking. I’d stop for a while but then I’d get scared and keep going. I ran out of food and then water. I thought I was going to d-die but then I heard the river. I was so happy but I p-passed out before I could make it.”

The real tears come now, violent sobs beginning to wrack your body. You had been so tired for so long, battling the elements and trying to stay alive. Fuck, even before the camp had been destroyed, you had been fighting. You choke on your tears, almost gagging at the desperation that feels like it’s clogging the valves of your heart. Suddenly, you’re lifted up and your eyes shoot open as Joel manhandles you onto his lap.

“Hush now sweet pea, s’all right. You’re okay, just breathe,” he murmurs, a large hand pushing the back of your head gently so that your face rests in the junction between his neck and shoulder.

Joel’s other hand comes up to draw circles on your back as you straddle him, feeling the heat of his chest against yours. You sit there frozen, unsure of what to do. What the hell is going on? You’ve never been in a position like this with an alpha before.

“I said, breathe, omega. Do it,” he says into your ear, his words somewhere between a command and a plea.

And so you do, a whine making its way out of your mouth before you even know it’s coming. Normally you’d be embarrassed, but Joel only makes a sympathetic noise and continues to rub your back with one hand while the other scratches at your scalp. You nose at the gland on his neck, drawing a soft growl from him but he doesn’t move to stop you. The smell coming from his neck is so him, so Joel, and you want to figure out a way to bottle it so that you can keep it forever. Slowly your body sags against him as the panic ebbs away. You worry vaguely about being a dead weight on top of him but he doesn’t seem to notice or care.

Gently, Joel pulls your head back, keeping his fingers in your hair as he eyes you. You look back at him with heavy lids, not scared of making direct eye contact with him at this moment for some reason. He removes his hand from your scalp, only to push a few strands behind your ear while his other hand continues to rub your back.

“Pretty girl,” he says quietly as he studies you.

You don’t think Joel even knows that he said it as he continues to dote on you for a moment. Meeting your gaze once more, he sighs and drops his hand away from your face. The other hand on your back stops rubbing circles, but remains there unmoving.

“Better?,” Joel questions, to which you nod, “Good. Now listen sweet pea, I ain’t gonna take you someplace you don’t wanna go but you don’t have a lot of options. My brother, Tommy, he’s a bit of an asshole but a good man. His mate, Maria, she’s the toughest beta I ever met. Scares the fuck out of me actually but don’t say nothing if you ever meet her.”

You giggle, which seems to please him before he continues, “They’ve got a place, Jackson it’s called, a community. It’s real secure, with loads of people and food. I could take you there and I’m sure they’d love to have ya. You’d have everything you need with them.”

You wait for him to continue, wondering when the other shoe will drop but Joel doesn’t say anything else. He just sits there looking at you.

“And?,” you prod, wondering what the catch was.

Joel clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably underneath you before he says, “The thing is darling, winter is about to hit. I’d bring ya there tomorrow if I could but I can’t - I wouldn’t want you out there when it gets real bad, you’d freeze.”

You nod again, raising an eyebrow at him, urging him to continue.

So he does, “I can bring you to Jackson darling, I think that’s your best option, but I can’t bring you there until the end of April. That’s when me and Tommy should be meeting up. I know that you probably don’t want to be stuck out here with an old man like me, I’m not saying that ya have to but I don’t know what else I can - OOF.”

You cut Joel off by launching yourself at him, practically suffocating him as you hug him tightly. He pauses before returning the hug awkwardly, despite the intimate embrace that you two had shared just moments before.

“Thank you Joel,” you whisper into his ear, eliciting a shiver from him.

Joel swallows, nodding before moving you off of him, ignoring your whines as he places you beside him on the couch. He is red in the face when he looks at you, biting his lip as he eyes the shirt that covers you - his shirt.

“Ain’t nothing. Now look, the bed in there can be yours. I’ll stay out here to give ya some space. You can do whatcha like while you’re here. The only thing I ask is don’t go too far, there’s bears in these woods, and don’t go into the room at the end of the hall. Got it?,” he asks.

Curiosity almost makes you question him but you decide against looking the gift horse in the mouth for now. Putting your questions aside for another day, you nod.

“Good girl,” he says, pausing for a second while heat rises to his cheeks once more.

Joel looks out the now blackened window, clearing his throat before looking back at you, “It’s getting late darling and you’ve had a long day. Might wanna head to bed, I’ll be out here if you need anything.”

As much as you want to stay up to soak in Joel’s presence just a little bit longer, you know that he’s right. Exhaustion pulls at your eyelids and injects lead into your limbs. Yawning, you nod and bid him goodnight. Trudging into the bedroom, you flop down on the bed, welcomed by the Joel scented sheets underneath you. Breathing in deeply, you drift off before you have time to even pull the covers up around you.

#joel miller x you #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller fanfiction #a/b/o dynamics #alpha!joel miller #omega reader #last of us fanfiction #joel miller x reader #angst #comfort #a/b/o verse

47 notes · View notes

emisprocrastinatingbywriting · 2 months

Text

Alone and Forsaken

Summary:

Alone and forsaken, Joel Miller hides himself away at the end of the world. After losing Sarah he was a shell of a man, trying to drown her memory in the blood of any soul that dared to cross his path. No matter what he did, Sarah haunted him. Then came Ellie, the girl he had been through hell with. Joel felt his chest crack open for her and from then on he decided that wherever Ellie went, he would be there. The Fireflies had other ideas. Joel had fought hard, he had torn through that hospital slaughtering anyone that he came across but he was too late. After practically burning down all of Salt Lake City, Joel banishes himself to a cabin in the middle of the woods. Resigned to his fate, his self imposed exile is soon interrupted when he finds you. Broken, starving, and on the brink of freezing to death, Joel has no choice but to let you into his life. With the winter winds in Montana being particularly piercing this season, he is forced to wait until the spring thaws the ground so that he can dump you on Tommy’s doorstep in Wyoming. Can he keep you at arm’s length until then?

Warnings: Postoutbreak!Joel, mentions of child loss, mentions of religious trauma, brief mentions of Tommy and Maria, mentions of Tess, grieving Joel, Slow burn, eventual smut, eventual soft!Joel, A/B/O dynamics, unspecified age reader age (reader is in her mid-20s and Joel is 56), mentions of violence, Joel really needs a hug in this

A/N: This is my first fic so let me know what you guys think! I'm going to continue to put chapter warnings, both you and Joel are traumatized in this. This is going to be a bit of a slow-burn so strap in folks!

Chapter 1/20 - More to come!

Chapter 1: Withered and Gone

The thundering of his heart pounded in his ears, almost deafening him to the sound of each bullet that ripped into anyone in his way. Joel barely registered their death, if asked today he wouldn’t even be able to tell you how many people he slaughtered. Forty? Sixty? One hundred? He had no idea. Filled with a primal fear that pumped battery acid through his veins, he pressed on until he made it to the door.

That door. Joel hated that fucking door. He knew what he would find on the other side, he had seen it every other night for the last four years. Knowing didn’t change anything, it never did. Whether it was him cradling Sarah in his arms while screaming for Tommy and feeling her tiny body turn cold, or being confronted with Ellie’s skull cracked open while a stranger sliced through her brain, knowing didn’t make it better.

Joel woke, as he did every night, with his heart slamming against his ribs and bile rising in his throat. His eyes were wild as he searched desperately for someone he would never have again, two someones that were gone forever. Nostrils flared, Joel huffed the stale air around him, searching haphazardly for the smell of strawberries and vanilla or cinnamon and ginger. For Sarah and Ellie, his pups.

Joel was greeted with nothing but his own musk, the scent gone sour from the memories haunting his dreams. Running shaky hands over his flushed face, he cursed under his breath before getting up for the day. Knees popping and back twinging in protest, he forced himself into the tiny bathroom connected to his bedroom. Ignoring the weathered face in the mirror, Joel hauled himself into the shower and let the warm water soothe his tense muscles.

After Salt Lake City, Joel had resigned himself to living in the first dilapidated hunting cabin he could find in Montana. It was what he deserved after failing her. Again. He was a bad Alpha, an even worse father, he had let not one but TWO pups die under his care. Living out the rest of his days in some shithole was the least he could do.

Having stumbled back to Wyoming, Joel reached Jackson and collapsed at the front gate. He remembers Tommy above him, trying and failing to shake him out of the daze he was in. He remembers the unfamiliar smells of the clinic, Tommy and Maria coming to see him. He remembers a beta doctor coming in to explain the lows he would experience in the coming months, being an alpha who had lost their pup.

As if he didn’t already know.

Joel couldn’t stay there. He couldn’t stand the softness of the sheets, how Tommy looked at him with sorrow and Maria with guarded pity, how his innocent nephew looked up at him with Tommy’s eyes - the eyes that were the same as his, the same eyes he passed on to Sarah. It only got worse when he left the clinic. Walking through the streets of Jackson reminded him of Ellie. He had to restrain himself from burning the place to the ground. After turning quite a few heads in town with his bitter scent and chilling presence, Joel left quietly in the middle of the night. He left a note for Tommy with the patrol hanging around the front gate and departed for his exile.

Sleepwalking through Wyoming, he finally made his way into Montana where he found the cabin. It must have been the treasure of some reclusive hunter, as it sat smack dead in the middle of the forest without a single road in sight for miles. The building was one story, with a slightly rotting front porch that was overhung by the tin roof. Black solar panels were clamped on the green tin roof, light reflecting against the glass and burning his eyes.

Joel approached it cautiously, pricking up his ears for any potential danger. Who would leave this oasis out here? Hearing nothing, he approached the log building and climbed the slightly softening stairs. Pushing open the door, he was greeted with nothing but dusty air. Taking one step into the room, he could tell nobody had been in this cabin for years. Dust covered the coffee table and moth eaten couch in the living room. Yellowing books lined the shelves and a taxidermied deer leered at him from the wall.

Pushing forward, Joel found a puke green kitchen with a plethora of expired canned food and knitted dishcloths in a variety of bright colors. Next to that, a hallway that led him to a bathroom with a kitschy painting of a monkey in a wig brushing his teeth. Joel stared at it for a second, wondering who the hell would have bought something like that. Was he that type of person before the world went to shit? He couldn't remember.

His tour of the house continued and he found two bedrooms. The first was a master suite with a large bed and a dust soaked brown comforter. He ignored the pictures that lined the walls and shifted through the dressers for anything useful. He found some pants and flannels around his size, as well as some smaller clothes that clearly belonged to a woman. Maybe the owner had a wife? Joel tsked at himself, he needed to remain focused on the task at hand.

Joel dropped his bag, keeping his rifle notched against his shoulder as he approached the last door to the cabin. Surely if a clicker was going to jump out of him it would have already, but humans don’t typically alert their prey before pouncing in his experience. Joel didn’t smell anything as he approached the door but he remained tense. He didn’t trust his senses anymore. Hell, he hadn’t even smelled the Fireflies that approached him as he did compressions on Ellie after the tunnel. Years before that, he hadn’t noticed the soldier's scent sour after getting the orders that would kill Sarah.

“Stupid, so fucking stupid, bad alpha, bad provider…”, he growled before shaking his head, trying to clear his mind of the poison that seeped into his soul with every waking moment of his miserable life.

Half expecting (and half hoping) to be shot dead the second he enters the final room, Joel was greeted with a sight that punched him in the gut. He stumbled back a few steps before a wave of dizziness lurched him forward again. Ears ringing, he fell to his knees and let out a pained cry.

The room was simple, with flowers painted lovingly on the walls and comic books stuffed into the tiny book shelf on the wall. Tears began to stream down his face as he shakily crawled forward. Joel grasped the only picture that sat on the peachy nightstand. Practically choking on his own cries, he dusted off the frame and looked at the picture.

Two girls sat on the front porch. The girl on the left was tomboyish and silly, holding a fishing rod in one hand and throwing up the peace sign with the other. The other girl was softer, hands covered in paint and smiling wide while holding a painting of what looks to be a Disney princess. In another life, that could have been them; his pups, Ellie and Sarah.

“It’s not them, it’s not them, it’s n-not them,” he mumbled to himself, trying to ignore the similarities while his heart rate soared.

He could feel rage building up in his chest as he looked at the girls, his vision going blurry and his jaw popping with how hard he ground his teeth.

“IT’S NOT FUCKING THEM!,” he yelled, launching the picture at the wall and shattering the frame.

Joel stayed on the floor for hours before he collected himself, giving one last look to the room before closing it for good. This place would do fine, he decided. It was secluded enough to keep him in his solitary confinement. The cabin sat near a river with clean flowing water and had seeds and canned food in the cabinets. It even had a tomb for his dead girls to serve as a constant reminder of his failure. Scratch that, his failures. This would be where he spent the rest of his life. Alone, as it should be.

For four years, Joel secluded himself in his cabin. The place had a few adjustments since then. The dust was shaken out of the blankets and the windows opened to wash out the dankness of the place. He had planted seeds and started a garden, put up traps around the area for meat, and even fixed the porch after he had almost fallen through it one morning.

Tommy found him a couple months after his arrival and he managed swindle his brother into helping him get the solar panels working so that he could have power. The younger Miller had lingered, trying to convince his brother to follow him back to a life in Jackson but Joel had just growled at the beta until he backed off. The only concession Joel agreed two was a meet up two times a year, once before winter hit in November and once again at the break of Spring in May. He knew Tommy just wanted to check in on him and as annoyed as he was, he also knew that it was the only way he could avoid the beta dragging him back to Jackson.

Jackson didn’t need the measly produce and game that Joel provided, Joel knew that. His brother needed proof that Joel was still breathing, and this was the only way Tommy knew he could get it.

Joel’s head pounded at the thought of his idiot brother as he tried to rinse off the memories that plagued him. He stood under the scalding spray for a few more moments, willing himself to relax. He wondered briefly if it was his rut that was coming but he quickly brushed that off. He hadn’t had one of those since Tess was still alive. Whether it was stress or that he was aging way too fast, they had just stopped one day. Not that he minded, he hadn’t cared much for the monthly desperation and now he didn't think he deserved the pleasure a release would bring him.

Turning the valve, Joel stepped out of the shower and toweled off. His body was practically on auto pilot as he went through his routine of getting dressed. He crammed whatever food he could find into his mouth before putting on his boots and heading out to check the traps.

The air was chilly as Joel stepped out. He quickly zipped his jacket while cursing the wind that bit into his wide frame. Joel stopped to look at the sky briefly and wondered if it would snow soon. A week into November and the temperatures had dropped drastically. He wondered if this winter would be as brutal as the last. One day he had not even been able to get out the front door with how much snow had come. After 24 hours, he had to literally dig himself out.

Sighing, he headed into the trees surrounding the cabin. Every trap he crossed was empty, save for the last one near the river. That was usually the case, with animals that sought water easily getting snared in the wire. The trap held a good sized rabbit. He grinned as he thought about the stew that he would make with the gamey meat.

“You’ll do just fine darling,” he drawled, releasing the snare from its neck before he shoved it in his pack.

Joel turned, deciding to return to the cabin so that he could properly skin his new found treasure but something stopped him in his tracks. His spine straightened. Is that? No, it can't be. His nose lifted in the air, searching for something that could not possibly be true. That’s when he heard it.

It was quiet. The noise barely carried over the wind and the river nearby but his ears zoned into it immediately. His instincts were trained for this. Joel waited a second. He was sure that he had finally lost it, but then he heard it again.

A whine.

Not just any whine, no, this whine was high pitched and light. It floated on the cold air over to him and smacked him in the face. The scent of lavender and peppermint dizzied him and his heightened senses picked up another strangled whine. This whine had sweat forming on his brow and a need to protect tensing all the muscles in his legs. He was sure of it now. This was the whine of an omega.

For a second Joel just stood there dumbfounded. What the fuck was an omega doing all the way out here? Were they alone? Did they need help? Were they hurt? If they are hurt then they need his help. He has to help, need to be good, need to protect, need to…

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Joel gritted out, rubbing his eyes as his headache worsened with every second he stood there.

Another gust of cold wind brushed against his face and the sweet scent surrounded him again. He smelled the sharp note of panic in the aroma and his legs moved forward before his brain could process the action, his instincts taking over for him. Bounding through the trees, he ran towards the riverbank. His eyes wheeled around his surroundings, a gasp leaving his mouth as he spied a small lump near the rushing waters. Heart pounding in his ears, Joel raced towards it.

-You-

How long had you been lost? Weeks? A month? You didn’t even know anymore. You had been a part of a group of people, being the only survivors from a larger place that had been overrun by infected. After dodging infected and raiders for nearly a year, your luck had to ran out.

Your group had ran out of gas on some godforsaken backroad and were utterly stranded there. Hoping to find something in the small town - could you even call it a town? - your group had trudged into the small strip of dilapidated stores with one sorry looking gas station in the center.

Everything had happened so fast. One moment you were outside the gas station watching a squirrel skitter up a tree near you, the next there were gunshots and screaming. Infected tore apart the face of your friend, an older omega named Miriam who had taken you under her wing, right in front of you. You remember screaming and immediately twenty dead faces turning in your direction. Miriam’s alpha, a soft yet stern woman named Rachel, had stepped in front of you cocking her gun. You whined and whimpered, legs shaking and scent downright acidic with terror as you cowered behind her.

“Go Y/N,” Rachel yelled at you, squaring up as the runners and clickers darted towards her.

You couldn't leave her. What would you do? Where would you go? Rarely had you ever been allowed to be alone and you never really wanted to be. Being an unclaimed omega in a lawless world meant that you had to stick to groups with those that would protect you, lest you become a raiding group's plaything.

Rachel pushed you back and started firing. Whining behind her, you tried to pull her towards the guard rail. You needed her, how would you survive alone?

“GET OUT OF HERE OMEGA!,” Rachel boomed.

That flipped a switch in you. It was a biological kick in the ass that had you turning and sprinting across the road. Jumping over the guardrail, you looked back over your shoulder and saw Rachel slicing through the advancing dead. With her emptied gun somewhere on the ground behind her, you watched as a clicker launched itself at her and tore into her flesh.

With Rachel’s last instructions to you bouncing off the walls of your now empty brain, you turned and sprinted into the forest. Passing nothing but trees, you ran until you were gagged and retched. Your chest was practically on the verge of exploding by the time you stopped and your legs gave out. Collapsing on to the cold ground, you laid beneath the foliage and drifted.

That had been weeks ago, or months, you weren’t sure at this point. It’s not like keeping a calendar was on your mind. Plus, your heats had stopped from the starvation your group had faced for the past year. You tried counting how many days you had been lost by the nights but soon, with only a bag of granola in your pack and bottle of water depleted, the days and nights had blurred together.

This was how you were going to die. You felt like laughing and crying at the same time. You had been young when the virus hit, maybe 5 years old, and had watched it pick off every member of your family until it was just you and your mother. Your mother had been kind once, you think, but aren’t entirely sure if that was true or wishful thinking.

A fairytale made up by a lonely child in a dying world perhaps?

You shook your head. No, she had sung songs to you at one point but that was before. After the infection, after your father died, she had kept you safe while bouncing around QZs in search of some sort of safe haven. That was until she met Josiah, a preacher that took you both into his group and quickly became your stepfather.

You had tried to like him. He seemed sweet at first, giving candies to you and the other children at camp, offering to teach you how to tend to the garden, bringing you a pair of pink shoes that you were so excited to have that your mother pinched your arm just to get you to stop squealing. However, things shifted after your mother and you got more comfortable in town. It became clear that worshipping was the only way that Josiah would let you stay.

Your mother followed along, biting her cheeks and dragging you with her to bible studies and all night prayer services that bruised your knees. But you could tell that she hated every second of it. You could feel it in the way she wrenched you forward everytime you protested going to the services that you hated. You had been to religious services briefly before the outbreak, your mom taking you to Catholic mass once for Christmas eve and your father taking you to celebrate Purim at the local synagogue, but you were way too young to really understand the meaning of any of it. By the time Josiah came around, those memories were barely a whisper in your brain.

Things got worse from there. Josiah became the centerpiece for the group and everyone bowed to his every decree. The alphas were at the top of the pecking order, never to be questioned especially by an omega. Omegas were to be demure, quiet, dutiful, and were meant to be completely under the coverture of their alpha. Betas were given slightly more leeway than omegas, but would never be in a leadership position at camp and would only be allowed to mate with other betas. Anyone breaking the strict biological guidelines were brutally punished. The methods were downright inhumane depending on Josiah’s mood or the level of perceived “heresy.”

You prayed for years under Josiah’s tyranny that you would present as a beta. Sure, you would never lead like an alpha but that never appealed to you anyways. You were caring and you wanted to help people. Plus, maybe if you were a beta they would let you become a doctor. The majority of the group were also betas and many were your age. Being a beta would mean that when the time came, you would have more than enough people to choose from for mating.

Much to your dismay, you presented as an omega and everything got worse. You didn’t have many friends, mainly Jake and the ladies that lived next door; Miriam and Rachel, but now you were stuck inside the house. Josiah wanted to keep you from sin, so he locked you away “for your own good.” You were forced to dress more conservatively, to eat less to maintain your figure, to pray more, to upkeep the house, to never look an alpha in the eye, etc. All the while, inside the house, you tiptoed around the rage of your dulled mother and the leers that your stepfather gave your developing figure.

By the time the infected had overwhelmed the dinky gate that protected your community, you had already been planning on escaping for months. Leaping into a car with Miriam, Rachel, Jake, and a few others, calmness washed over you amidst the destruction. You knew that your mother was probably dead, and you had seen your stepfather get his head ripped clean off of shoulders by a massive clicker, but you didn’t feel anything but relief.

The year after you left, although it was hard with the constant running and fighting, was actually the best year of your life. Nobody expected you to be anything, nobody pinched you, nobody made you pray, nobody smacked you if you made eye contact. You were just you.

“And now look at you,” you chuckled, “stumbling through the woods with no fucking idea where you are going.”

If you didn't find shelter soon, you knew that you would die. You needed to eat, to rest. There was no way you would last another night in the forest.

Your stomach growled violently, practically shaking your frame with the force. You lifted your nose in the air, searching for a whiff of anything. At this point, you were open to eating a squirrel. You shambled through the trees for hours, vision blacking out around the edges as you tried to find any trace of sustenance. Then you heard it: the loud roar of flowing water nearby.

A new sense of urgency pierced through the delirium and you staggered through the vegetation. The urgency made you clumsy and you faceplanted on the rocky bank. A small whine escaped your mouth as you hauled yourself up onto your hands and knees. Your palms smeared blood across the rocks as you crawled towards the water. Dizziness scrambled your thoughts but you pushed through with your heart leaping in your chest and eyes bleary. Faltering as a wave of nausea and dizziness rocked into you, you lost your balance and crumpled just a few inches from the water.

You whined again, louder this time. Frustration welled up in your chest with your goal so close, yet so far away. As you laid there, contemplating whether or not it would be easier just to give in and die, a breeze came from the trees and carried over the most delicious scent that has ever graced your nostrils.

The smell of sandalwood and bergamot glided over the air and wrapped itself around your senses. You felt your body immediately sag along the shore, your eyelids drooping as a feeling of peace overwhelmed you. You weren't sure what was happening, having never felt this calm in your entire life but you didn't question it and gave in to the peace.

You didn't even flinch when you felt a pair of strong arms turn you over and lift you into the air. The comforting aroma coated the back of your throat and warmed the tips of your fingers, making you snuggle into the warmth pressed against you. You rubbed your face into the source as you felt yourself being whisked away.

A soft hum came from your carrier and you heard a deep comforting voice say, “It’s okay omega, I’ve got you. Not gonna let anything happen to ya darling.”

You had never fallen asleep so quickly in your entire life.

#joel miller #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller fanfiction #alpha!joel miller #omegaverse #omega reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #angst #comfort #eventual smut #eventual happy ending #joel x reader

69 notes · View notes