emfreddie
Let Me Live
Emily. Also known as Emmers. 25. She/her/they/them. Ace/aroflux. Kinda (really) gay. Fuck the gender binary. Chilling with toddlers in Seattle. Writer. Real Life Memer. Dnd, Good Omens, and Voltron. Icon by black-paladin-babes
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Last Seen Blogs
sfman33305
Untitled
doyouever-daydream
You're Simpatico
awkward-bisexual-idiot
the queens and the queers
howtosingit
know the love you give
lalaashep
www.LalaaShepard.com
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I went through 275 pages of my video tag to find these vines among others
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yeah i’m ok! i’m totally ok i just (takes a deep breath) (starts screaming)
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The Witcher incorrect quotes |11|
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thinking about the time artemis fowl’s dad got back from being kidnapped by the mafia and was like i’m responsible now!! i love my wife i love my son i wont let a second go to waste! im gonna be a cool dad im gonna get racing stripes on my prosthetic leg and im gonna make terrible jokes and donate to charity and environmental relief. i’ve got a didn’t-die-in-the-arctic high and im gonna ride it as long as i can baby and artemis was like……..are you haunted. are you fucking possessed. you used to be my crime father
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I’ve heard tales of your kind, witcher. You are a mutant created by magic. Roaming the continent hunting monsters… for a price. I thought you’d have fangs or horns or something.
Anya Chalotra as Yennefer of Vengerberg in The Witcher (2019)
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Dysphoria: you know what would be great???
Me: yeah?????
Dysphoria: not having a fucking body!!!!
Me: ……I don’t think-
Dysphoria: n o p h y s i c a l f o r m
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realizing you’re on the ace spectrum like
“I’d hit that.” “You… you don’t even know them though??”
“Oh come on, everyone has a list of celebrities they’d totally have sex with if they had a chance.” “Haha yeah ok” *internally* what
“Ya so like for the past few years I’ve felt zero attraction to people I wasn’t friends with first?? Lol what’s up with that”
Why did you have to have sex with them?? Couldn’t you just hold it?? Like pee??
“You’ll meet someone who makes you feel like that someday, don’t worry” “……sounds fake but ok”
“Sex is an important part of a relationship! Everyone has sexual needs!” “….sounds fake but ok”
“Dude that girl is so hot” “I know right?? Look at her fucking eyeliner. Goals. The fuck.” “No I meant like… look at that ass” “Are we looking at the same person are you really focussing on her ass look at how visually appealing her outfit is and dont you dare fuckin tell me that eyeliner isnt fierce as hell”
“Aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things” *puzzle pieces vERY RAPIDLY FALLING INTO PLACE*
*staring at the ceiling at two-thirty in the morning* i could die a virgin and i would regret absolutely nothing
“What’s your ideal girl like?” “Uh… my best friend?” “Oh cute, you want your girlfriend to be the one who knows you best!” “No I meant I am literally only attracted to my best friend she is my ideal girl please help I am dying”
“We’ve been dating for six months and we still haven’t had sex!!” “Have you marathoned Star Wars together yet?” “Yeah we did that like two weeks ago” “Well what more do you want”
*thinking about an attractive woman* *dissecting my entire personality and sexuality to figure out why I’m attracted to her this time* is it the muscles. Oh my god is this a sex thing. Oh my god what the hell is this. Oh my god what the fuck is the wtf the fuck the fUCK
*Next day* Zarya could punch me in the face while eating me out and I’d let her but only because she’s a fictional character and therefore could literally never do that
*writing fanfic* ONLY CLOSE FRIENDS HAVE SEX BC ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE MAKES SENSE TO ME
(why is that tho. maybe i should look into that *doesnt look into it*)
“What do you find most attractive in a girl?” “Gotta love those strong emotional bonds” “No I meant like what’s a turn-on for you?” “DID I McFUCKING STUTTER”
*staring at the ceiling at two-thirty in the morning again* sexual attraction should be added to the cryptid wikia
“Yeah sex sounds like a great stress reliever and a nice way to strengthen the bonds between you and your partner(s)” “Well there’s more to it than that…” *The Arctic Monkey’s Do I Wanna Know starts playing in my head* “Haha ok buddy”
“There’s more to being ace than just not being interested in having sex or not feeling sexual attraction. In fact there’s a whole spectrum. You may even feel sexual attraction sometimes but still be ace. You can also be gay and ace at the same time.” “…bro.” “Also it’s totally normal.” *sobbing* “…bro. Bro there are words for it there’s an entire list oh my god-”
“-finally.”
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“next year’s 2020″ : not terrible
“this decade ends in 2 months” : bad
“1980 was nearly 40 years ago” : somehow the worst thing i’ve ever read
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TV!Crowley tries to slam Book!Aziraphale into a wall and wonders how he wound up on the ground in a chokehold in .2 milliseconds flat.
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It's nearly 3am and I just had the most worldshaking epiphany: Anakin Skywalker is only nine years older than Han Solo. This is important for several reasons (one of which is "oh my god Anakin is a BABY when he has kids") but the most important is that obviously now there has to be an AU where Anakin was never Vader and instead he just peaced out of the Jedi order and became like a bounty hunter or something but my money is on smuggler bc pilot, and also because where I'm heading with this is an AU where Han and Anakin are, like, familiar with each other before Han ever gets involved w Luke and Leia and the rebellion. Like, they're acquaintances. Frenemies. Business associates, idk.
Will add more later
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welcome to Mealtimes With Executive Dysfunction, please have a look at our menu:
leftovers from the last time you had a Real Actual Meal (you lucky bastard)
leftovers from the last time you had a Real Actual Meal (you lucky bastard), except they aren’t actually there anymore because you ate them for lunch
staring into the fridge and whining
plain rice
tuna straight from the can
tuna ON TOP OF PLAIN RICE WHAAAAAAT *air horn noises*
something that’s probably gone bad a little but you don’t have the energy to care
something you actually like but you’re too tired to cook it properly
something you hate but it’s still slightly better than all the other options
canned soup
cheese???????
peanut??? butter?????????????
guilt about eating canned soup for the 6th time this week
oh thank god i have vegetables in the freezer
the fresh vegetables you accidentally left to rot because preparing them was too much effort
the easiest & least appetizing of 5 ways you know how to cook eggs
12 different snack foods over a period of 5 hours
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when fleabag said love isn’t something weak people do and i want someone to tell me how to live my life because so far i think ive been getting it wrong and women are born with pain built in and people are all we’ve got and the only person i’d run through an airport for is you and i love you it’ll pass and i think you know how to love better than any of us that’s why you find it all so painful
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A picdump of our ineffable wives cosplay at the Frankfurter Buchmesse! <3
Female presenting Crowley: @schpog-play | Instagram
Female presenting Aziraphale: Me | Instagram
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Seeking employment in the following fields: ghost haunting the town hall, church gargoyle, wise cave dragon, nature spirit who throws litter back at people, slightly unhinged witch, fairy from the local wood, bridge troll.
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