before -> now (under a year) 💔

hi. i’m kris im 17 and i struggle with an ED. more specifically, anor3x14. i used to be really skinny… im talkin 120 pounds and no higher. over the last year i’ve gained weight really really fast i went from 120 to 160 in a year. it’s all i think about all day everyday and it consumes all of me.

growing up i was always skinny people either admired it or hated me for it. i used to hate myself for being skinny, it’s funny ik. But i would beg to gain weight and i thought i’d be so much happier, i would over eat until i got sick and nothing would work. It was impossible. it didn’t always bother me though i wouldn’t think about it all day everyday. and i wasn’t really bullied for it mainly admired. but i still hated being skinny.

around a year ago i started gaining weight. FAST. so fast that i started getting stretch marks on my butt and my thighs and none of my jeans fit, in fact they still don’t fit i literally can’t wear jeans cause everyone i size up that is also too small. and i instantly wanted to go back to being skinny. i didn’t understand what was going on with my body at all. it was changing so fast i couldn’t keep up.

i quickly developed disordered eating. i made myself swear to not eat over 500 calories a day. but when i was skinny i could eat whatever i wanted whenever i wanted and wouldn’t gain a pound so that was hard for me. so i would give up then try again and give up and try again. i’m not used to starving. being hungry just sucks i wish there was a magic way to just not gain weight and become skinny.

and i started talking to an old friend that i know has an eating disorder and she lost weight really fast and easy. and i asked her for tips and we helped each other. it’s toxic but i didn’t feel so alone. and her tips were helpful. i loved it. people don’t know i have anor3x14, no one besides her, and i hear people constantly talk bad about eating disorders and they say things that just aren’t true like “they lose all that weight with drugs” or whatever or BS they come up with. but in the back of my mind i know i have anor3x14 and they don’t know what they’re talking about.

and when i think about it. it makes me sad they can’t tell.

i still have anor3x14 so this isn’t some “i survived” or recovery story. but it’s my story. and that’s all that matters

Kris 🤍