A Weekend morning with you, lazily walking around the house, kissing you on your forehead, showering then going out with you, some shopping then lunch, spending noon in the bed napping together till evening, again out together, long drive & ice cream, cooking dinner together, eating then falling asleep, cozy 💘💘

Get you someone who would drive 4 hours for just 20 minutes with you

I want his friends to say "he's never talked about a girl the way he talks about you."

I want that "have you seen the way he looks at her" kind of love.

"Come home to me" kind of love

My teacher's mother died today. He messaged to tell us that classes are cancelled. I kinda wanna cry. He was the reason that I have formed so many ideologies in life. Idk life's so weird one second you're here and the other whoosh just gone. Idk I wish I could reach out and somehow take away the pain from him out of all the people he didn't deserve it. I am a pathetic student. I hate studying. But whenever he used to motivate us in class I still remember that the next 3 days I would study as if hell had bent over. Idk there's this mixed feeling in me right now. One's pain obviously but there's this weird desire to change for the better. To change to not just buy a big house or for college. But to make him and my parents proud. I wanna become a better person so that I can stand in front of him one day and tell him that he is the reason I am the person I am today just to see him proud of me and content with what he has done. Just to do that I am vowing today i.e. 23rd March that I will change. I will stop wasting my time and utilise every second of my day to achieve my dream and become a person worthy of standing in front of him one day because time slips by and I don't want any more regrets in my life I have enough to last me a lifetime. I have wasted the last 2 years of my life but I will give it my all in the next 2 months and get into bits. I will not leave any stone unturned. I have learned from my mistakes. I will strive to achieve my dream so that one day I can do what love and people know me because of what an amazing person I am because of my teacher. People have epiphanies because of something in their lives I am having one because of my teacher's mother's death. I WILL NOT BREAK MY VOW THIS TIME. I WILL CHANGE INTO A PERSON EVERYONE AND ESPECIALLY HE WILL BE PROUD OF. All my prayers are with you, sir.

The girl in the basement is so horrifying and the fact that it is true just shows the kind of monsters that exist in this world. The world is so sick. I have read way too many comments on it that it was the mother's fault but I mean isn't it easier said than done she was a victim of domestic abuse and when you experience that for a long time, you start to believe that everything tthat'sgoing wrong is somehow your fault. Maybe if you hadn't kept that glass there that day if you would have just checked the salt that day, if you just had called that day. The abusers make you somehow believe that it was your fault it happened because it was your fault and they agree. I wish her mom had stood up for herself is easier said than done but I still wish she did. He was so sick. He said"Look in the cellars of others and you might find their families and girls there," I CAN'T SAY THIS ENOUGH HE WAS SICK" how she survived after all the way his children died. It was awful. I hope that no one else goes through this. He said it he actually said it without remorse "I WAS BORN TO RAPE" I WANNA STANGE HIM WITH MY HANDS SNUFF ALL HIS LIFE OUT. Wherever they are I hope they live a happy life.

Maybe friends do influence us in a way we don't even recognize or maybe they don't I don't know. Now there have been studies and well there's my mom who has always told me that friends change u in a way that you can't even know like the people who you surround yourself with have an impact on the choices you make, the person you become etc. and I always thought that it was just a bunch of bullshit, like how can someone influence me i am me ( i was 13) but growing up has made me realize that maybe just maybe if I had a different group of friends who did not just believe in idling around or who weren't rich and were from a middle class background like me, would I have made different decisions in my life? Would my life be different? Too many ifs and buts.

But then I thought that maybe they were worth it in the end until, one day I realized that they really weren't, maybe my life would've been different, and maybe I would've made different decisions. So many maybes or maybe nots. Now don't get me wrong I'm not blaming my friends and their rich background for my shortcomings I just can't help but wonder sometimes that if, just if I had chosen different people to be around would I be where I am right or would have I have been in a better place academically, socially like everything thing that makes me "me" right now would that be the same or?

Would I be different?

"I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. I want someone to tell me what to eat. What to like, what to hate, what to rage about. What to listen to, what band to like. What to buy tickets for. What to joke about, what not to joke about. I want someone to tell me what to believe in. Who to vote for and who to love and how to... tell them. I just think I want someone to tell me... how to live my life, Father, because so far I think I've been getting it wrong. But I know that's why people want people like you in their lives because you just tell them how to do it. You just tell them what to do and what they'll get out of the end of it even though I don't believe your bullshit and I know that scientifically nothing that I do makes any differnce in the end anyway.

I'M STILL SCARED

WHY AM I STILL SCARED?"

- Fleabag is the most heart-wrenchingly beautiful series I stumbled upon. The way it takes every single thought out of me and shows it to me on the screen in a way that I might've never been able to understand on my own. There is nothing more heartbreaking than this show but I will watch it on repeat because I love the emotional damage it does to me and every time I think I am recovering from it I dive back into the same deep dark hole of emotional instability and come out believing that I will never be able to undo the damage this show has done to my soul and how I loved every second of the gut-wrenching havoc it wreaked on me.

one of the many reasons Fleabag is so heartbreaking and relatable is because no one ever chose her. Not her family. Not her lovers. Not her supposed “soulmate”. The one person that picked her died. She was no one’s choice or option, not even to herself. The way we can feel her loneliness through the screen is enough to make me collapse into a mess of tears on the ground and shake uncontrollably

I love my parents, but I just can't handle living in this house anymore. I'm seriously counting down the days until I can escape to college and be as far away from here as possible. Hopefully, things will get better soon and hopefully, I will not get into a college in my hometown cause nah dawg not staying here. Just three more months to go before I'm free.