cheese-whizard
Whiz Reads Dracula
Reporting on Dracula Daily. Other duties include spell checker, potion taster, skeleton blaster, and sand eater
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fuck it I'm bringing back the poll meme from January
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Tag yourself I'm "n' smore cükeez"
My Argentinean housemate just got a book on proper American accents and I’ve never felt more attacked
like why’s it gotta be so accurate
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In an effort to combat the rising Druidic sentiments among the Wizard Council, I have been spreading sand in public parks and green spaces. I call it 'going yellow.' By taking a stand on behalf of all food-based Wizards, and all nature-based Wizards not associated with greens, I hope to diversify the Wizard Council and provide perspectives not covered by traditional Wizarding demographics.
Resist the green. Go Yellow today.
In an effort to 'go green' The Wizard Council has decided to 'supplement' all local waterways with glowing sludge of 'definitely ethical origin' that will result in everything that it touches glowing a faint chartreuse
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Uh red spellbook is Languages wizard actually
You roll up to the Wizard Battle and your opponent takes out his spellbook but it’s just one of these
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if you fuckers do the skeleton war shit again this year we’re deleting the website for real
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god i’m so excited on behalf of dracula first timers on the verge of september. whatever you think of this book so far, it’s about to become….. more of that. more what? more everything. literally however you would currently fill in the blank on “dracula is so ______,” it’s kicking it the fuck to 11. i can’t wait
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Thanks to Mina's friend Mr. Swales for giving me a new exclamation for the next time I'm surprised or shocked
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Most necromancer thralls are actually unionized, and their contracts prevent either employees or management from taking part in the skeleton war. @wizard-archivist-official I belive you have some detail on the history of the Necromancy Unions?
What side would a necromancer (wizard who fights using skeletons) fight for during the Skeleton War?
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Jonathan: ah look it's Dracula in a box
Jonathan: this is odd
Jonathan:
Jonathan: hmmmmm
Jonathan, grabbing a hammer and some nails: hope the Slovaks ship to Africa motherfucker
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June 24th
Villager: oh hello Jonathan
Dracula, disguised: uh hi
Villager: wow i can't believe you escaped Castle Dracula alive
Dracula: yeah crazy that
Villager: what a monster that Count is
Villager: what a horrible cursed creature
Villager: a brutal torturer
Dracula: yeah, mm hmm, definitely
Villager: and his moustache is so ugly-
Dracula: the FUCK did you say about my stache-
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Seward, two weeks later: Renfield
Renfield: hm?
Seward: you better not be eating those fucking spiders
Renfield: i'm not eating the spiders
Seward: oh
Seward:
Seward: you sure
Renfield: yeah jk i'm eating the spiders
Seward: GODDAMNIT-
Seward: hey buddy
Seward: i try not to judge
Seward: but what the fuck are you doing with all those flies
Renfield, mouth full:
Renfield: nothing
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Slovak driver: ahh Castle Dracula at last
Romany leader: hey guys
Driver: hey, where does the Count want these boxes
Leader: stacked in the corner there is fine
Driver: cool
Driver: who's that lunatic in the window?
Leader: *looks*
Jonathan, shirtless, waving his dress shirt like a flag: *inaudible screaming*
Leader: don't worry about it
Driver:
Driver: ...sure
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Seward: hey Renfield
Seward: i'm curious about something
Renfield: hm?
Seward: you don't have to answer if you don't want
Renfield: no no it's cool
Seward: okay
Seward:
Seward: what's up with the flies-
Renfield, immediately: i'll get rid of them
Seward: no wait-
Renfield: it's okay just give me a few days
Seward: no one asked you to-
Renfield: it's not a big deal really
Seward: i was just-
Renfield: it's fine it's fine i'm good all good
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