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Look all I’m saying is that if my dad sends me an email whining like a baby and telling me I’m awful, it’s totally fair that I post it on Instagram for all my friends to laugh at ok?
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MY BEDTIME STORIES NOOOOOOOOO
#ao3 is down#ao3#fuck#fuckfuckfuck#what the hap is fuckening#my cat screaming to show how I feel#cats#ed shearan#twitter#help#GOD DAMN IT
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Some of My Favorite Batfam Fic Tropes
In no particular order:
- The batfam have their own language of chirps, trills, tweets, and whistles, and they use it in front of other ppl (civilians, the jla, whatever) and the other ppl go “what the actual fuck”
- Bruce throwing the batarang at Jason Todd’s neck actually Does Damage™, and eventually the other members of the family find out and lose their shit
- “Hey Tim?” “Yeah?” “Where’s your fucking spleen :)” “Lost it.” “LOST IT??”
- Damian calling his brothers Akhi :)
- “How many kids do you HAVE??” -The entire Justice League
- Jason going to Titans Tower, seeing Tim, saying “is anyone gonna parent that” and then not waiting for an answer.
- Literal Toddler Tim Drake informing the Batfamily that yes he knows everyone’s identity, and really if you didn’t want people to figure it out you should stop showing off your extremely niche skills during patrols Nightwing.
- “Dude your son is a crime boss.” “Ex-crime boss :/”
- A Batfamily member hearing someone talk about their civilian identity (bc, yknow,, they’re famous) and just having to Deal With It because what the fuck else are they supposed to do??
- The Justice League hearing about Batman and assuming he (& his family) are demons or vampires or some other cryptid, and then meeting him and finding out he’s just Some Guy.
- The batfamily learning the origin of the name Robin
- The Justice League meeting the Batfamily and specifically learning who Red Hood is, and one of the heroes nervously asks “Didn’t the second Robin.. die?” and Jason just goes “yeah lol”
Edit // If ur seeing this original post by itself, I already posted a fic rec list related to these tropes :)
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Eat Your Young seems to be to be directly inspired by A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift, a satire written in the 1720s about the poverty in Ireland and the unhelpful solutions offered by the church and aristocracy at the time, which argues that the poor Irish should sell their children to the rich to be eaten, which would prevent them from burdening their families and the country and instead make them useful. it’s satire, of course, but played straight the entire time.
and here is Hozier, 300 years later, making the exact same point. only the set dressing has changed. with all the abuses people are suffering in war and under capitalism, and with the cost of living and rate of poverty rising with no end in sight, is it not more humane and just as exploitative to simply eat the children the government will not feed? would they not recommend it themselves if only they thought they could get away with it?
the state of the world and the powers that be will continue to try and use us all up and throw us aside anyway.
it’s quicker and easier to eat your young.
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Not to be dramatic but i would die for joe
Check out my ongoing comic Crow Time. It has crows, and also neat pantheons of epic beasties.
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I love everyone saying “I wish *insert character/characters* had more screen time in Goncharov as if we didn’t make the whole thing up. There is no cannon to make your bitch. We are god. Do whatever you want.
#movies#make cannon your bitch#cannon what cannon#help#music#twitter#art#misha collins#katya deserved better#goncharov#goncharov movie
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MORE KUDOS
I WANT TO GIVE MORE
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Reporter: batman! What do you think of bruce wayne?
Batman: *hisses and scatters away like a rat*
Reporter:
...
Reporter: bruce wayne! What do you think of batman?
Bruce wayne: he's a fucking slut and he doesn't even fuck that good
Reporter:
...
Headlines the next day: bruce wayne and batman; bitter ex-lovers?
Reporter: nightwing, what do you think of Bruce Wayne's eldest son, Richard "Dick" Grayson?
Nightwing: his performance in bed certainly lives up to his name
Reporter: what
Nightwing: what?
-
Reporter: Timothy, what do you think about the vigilante "Red Robin"?
Tim: smash
Reporter: what
-
Reporter: Batgirl, what's your opinion on Cassandra Wayne?
Batgirl: ...
Reporter: very descriptive!
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Reporter: Duke Thomas-
Duke: marry
Reporter: ?
Duke: we're talking about Signal right? Fuck, marry, kill? My answer is marry
-
Headlines; Wayne children and younger Bats rebelling against Batman and Bruce Wayne with their forbidden romance??
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Okay listen
Bruce Wayne? Pro union
This is mandatory and the reasons are obvious
If Wayne Enterprises didn’t already have a union, he encourages them to start one specifically to spite Bezoosles
But then
The birds demand to start a union
And Batman’s like “there’s like 8 of you and you’re all my kids I’ll pay you anything you like, go ahead”
Until he gets the first list of union demands
The union demands unlimited use of bat computer, right to drive the batmobile once a month (they can trade it off), the right to set their own patrol schedules, unlimited coffee and a limit on being told to go to fucking bed
In exchange
Jason offers to hunt and tranq Tim for sport if he’s awake more than 72 hours straight
Tim has signed off on this because if Jason doesn’t catch him in the 12 hours after the 72 hour mark he gets Jason’s bike
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Batkid Groupchat
Dick: someone save me pls
Jason: What's wrong?
Dick: Gala at Wayne Manor
Dick: This guy won't stop talking to me
Jason: lol sucks to suck
Damian: Sorry Richard, I cannot attend to the situation. That would give up my hiding spot.
Damian: I meant vantage point.
Damian: If any of you tell Bruce, I will murder you.
Cass: Damian, look up
*sends photo of Damian in the rafters of Wayne Manor*
Damian: Ah, great minds think alike I see.
Tim: hold up Dick, I wanna get out of this conversation too, I'll be over in a sec
Steph: Can't relate
Steph: This is why you don't let the first billionaire who offers adopt you
Steph: then you gotta go to the stuffy parties
Steph: Duke and I are the only smart ones
Duke: Agreed, have fun at the party
Later at the Gala
*Red Hood and the Outlaws come busting through the door*
Red Hood: This is a hostage situation
Red Hood: We want Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain, and Damian Wayne.
Bruce, also desperately wanting to get out: Aren't you forgetting someone
Red Hood: Oh, right, Alfred Pennyworth
Bruce: aren't you forgetting someone else?
Red Hood: No
Bruce: Ja- Red Hood. Aren't you going to take me!
Red Hood: what would I need you for? I already have CEO of Wayne enterprises *ruffles Tim's hair, about to get fought by Tim* (under his breath: you fight back, I'm leaving you behind), a police officer, biological son of a billionaire, cool af dancer Cassandra Cain, and Alfred the Almighty
Bruce: don't you want a billionaire too?
Red Hood: If I take you, who is going to pay the ransom?
*Taking the Batkids and Alfred out of the gala as Bruce pouts*
Jason: one of you swipped Bruce's credit card before we left, right?
Tim: of course, we aren't amateurs
Jason: then ice cream on Bruce!
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#help#music#pretty#twitter#aestheitcs#art#ed shearan#misha collins#poetry#taylor swift#elon musk#mishapocalypse#neil gaiman#tumblr#Pokémon#the adams Family#family#daddy issues
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Here are some of my favourite screenshots from todays shitshow with twitter
#twitter#misha collins#super hell#superwholock#2012#Elon musk#tumblr#evilmario666#john green#hank green
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Twitter becoming a funnier, more chaotic site than Tumblr was not on my 2022 bingo card but here we are.
It’s a hellscape over there
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