Kidnapper: We have your boyfriend.

Arthur: What? No you don't, he just served me breakfast.

Arthur, panicking: Wait Merlin you got KIDNAPPED?!

Merlin: Oh yeah! I knew I was forgetting to tell you something!

OR

Merlin, confused: Which time are we talking about?

Literally Every Episode of Merlin:

Random Person: There is magic in Camelot...Merlin!

Arthur: Merlin? He's an idiot, there's no way Merlin has magic. This is ridiculous.

Random Person: My lord?

Uther, who stopped listening at Merlin: Hmm? Uhh - yeah sure.

Merlin: Phew, that was close.

Gaius: Merlin you have to be more careful! You can't just use your magic!

Morgana: Blast, Merlin has foiled me again! Fuck Merlin!

Arthur: I'm trying!

Leon: Where's Merlin?

Lancelot: Doing stuff.

Leon: I don't like the sound of that. Where's Arthur?

Lancelot: Trying to stop Merlin from doing the stuff.

Leon: Ok, what about Gwaine?

Lancelot: Trying to stop Arthur from stopping Merlin from doing the stuff.

Leon: I see. And what are you doing?

Lancelot: I'm supposed to stop you from stopping Gwaine from stopping Arthur from stopping Merlin from doing the stuff.

*the knights, Merlin, and Gwen telling stories*

Gwen: Hey Merlin, remember that time you tried to kill Arthur?

Leon: *dramatic flashback*

Leon: HOLD UP--

Ygraine de Bois had been dead for a long time now. Decades. Yet, she never lacked for something to do. She tried not to think of what Uther had done; the lives he had destroyed. She remembered when he had been kind, quite like Arthur, really. But those days were long passed. Now, she watches Arthur grow up. Oh, how she adored him. She was not always pleased with his choices and actions, but she was always proud of him. And then: Merlin. The young boy was fiery and bright, with a lively glow and an infectious smile. Ygraine could not help but feel amused and joyful as she watched him insult her son in an effort to stand up for the poor servant Arthur had chosen to pick on that day. She felt something was different about Merlin, and she could tell Arthur did too. She had always been quite magic sensitive, so Arthur being so as well was not a stretch. The full body laugh that escaped her as she watched her husband proclaim Merlin Arthur’s manservant warmed her to her core, and the feeling something was changing wiggled its way into her head. 

She was right, of course. Ygraine watched as Arthur changed, becoming something more. And she knew. Oh, she knew. It was all because of Merlin. The adorable, smiling manservant who made luminescent butterflies and defended Arthur against anything that wished him harm. Before she knew it, Merlin had become as much a fixture of her life as Arthur. Ygraine watched, a swooping feeling of excitement in her chest, as Arthur and Merlin’s relationship became something deeper than even that of friendship. Love.  

So now, Ygraine watches Arthur carefully and reverently gift Merlin her sigil. Merlin does not know exactly what it means (neither of them do, really), but he cradles it as if it is the most precious thing in the world. Ygraine smiles, and finally allows her soul to pass on.

Uther: I'm grounding you. Your grounded.

Arthur: What about training?

Uther: Fine, except for training. And no hunting trips.

Arthur: I have to take the new knights on hunting trips.

Uther: Fine, then...No Merlin.

Merlin: Wha - NO MERLIN?

Uther: NO MERLIN!

Arthur: *does something stupid*

Uther: Merlin how could you let him do this?

Merlin:

Lancelot: You often use humor to deflect trauma.

Merlin: Thank you!

Lancelot: I didn't say that was a good thing.

Merlin: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.

Merlin: Can you hand me that?

Arthur: What's the magic word?

Merlin:

Merlin: *stringing together random magic words*

Arthur, panicking: OH MY GOD FINE JUST TAKE IT

Gwen: What are you getting Merlin for the holidays?

Arthur: I don't know. It's kind of hard buying a gift for your partner when they already got everything they could've ever wanted when they married you. So I'm not sure yet.

Morgana: I'm getting Merlin a divorce lawyer.

On a hike:

Arthur: It’s beautiful out here.

Merlin: And quiet.

Arthur: Too quiet.

Merlin: Did we lose someone?

cut to Gwaine with a bear in a headlock

Morgana: That shirt looks great, Merlin.

Merlin: Thanks.

Morgana: But I bet it would look even better on Arthur's floor.

Arthur: Are you hitting on Merlin… for me?

Gwen: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter “s”.

Morgana: looks over at Arthur and Merlin

Morgana: Is it “sexual tension”?

Morgana: Arthur, you'll be working with Gwen and Merlin.

Arthur: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: blank stares

Arthur: …Of people on a team.

Arthur: Why is Gwen crying on the floor?

Merlin: She's drunk.

Arthur: And?

Merlin: She saw a picture of Morgana's spouse.

Arthur: But she is Morgana's spouse.

Merlin: I know.

S1 Arthur: I think we should kiss.

S1 Merlin: And I think you should die, but we don't always get what we want.

Merlin, trying to ask Arthur out: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Gaius: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?