boney-cat
Cat !!
MAJOR ED TRIGGER WARNING !! please recover if you can. this is jus a personal blog for me
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Having your own room is actually such a blessing omfg
No cos I remember when my family lived in a glorified shoebox and whenever I would go a day without eating it would be so obvious but now (and for the past few years) when I have my own room
I literally just take the food and hide it under my bed until I get a chance to throw it away and it's amazing
#granted sometimes i need to wait for that chance for WEEKS so the food under there gets absolutely rancid#but i dont really have to deal with the rancidness because i just cover the plate with another plate or bowl#so it all kind of just stays in its own little dish compartment#not pro just using tags#pro for me not for thee#disordered eating#tw#disordered eating cw#⭐️rving#⭐️ve#light as a feather#light as a 🪶#🕯️ as a feather#🕯️ as a 🪶#proana#proannna#edblr#edblrrr
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It's a new day and I'm supposed to eat but I'm genuinely so anxious and uncomfortable abt it
Like I made myself a sandwich, brought it to my room (cos I can't eat in the kitchen) and just ,, stared at it until I threw it away
I feel so guilty cos I hate wasting food but I know I would've felt worse if I ate it so I'm having a sort of moral dilemma
Any ED-tag-lurkers, listen to me I'm looking at you and you specifically and I know you exist cos I was one of you when I was 9-15
If you can, turn back rn. I know my words are falling on deaf ears but as a 17 year old girl rn having dealt w this shit since I was 9,,,
This is actual genuine hell and you will regret this when you're older and/or wiser
#disordered eating#tw#disordered eating cw#⭐️rving#⭐️ve#no pro just using tags#not pro for thee but for me#light as a feather#light as a 🪶#🕯️ as a 🪶#🕯️ as a feather#proana#proannna#edblr#edblrrr
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Did anyone else as a kid hear about, how you shouldn't put your phone in your butt pocket or have it near your chest cos "it'll make your butt smaller" or "oh it'll make your breasts smaller cos radiation" or some shit like that
And then you made a natural conclusion and slept with your phone on your stomach every night, hoping it's doing SOMETHING
#i was like 9 lmaoooo#disordered eating#tw#disordered eating cw#not pro just using tags#pro for me not for thee#proana#proannna#edblr#edblrrr#light as a feather#eating problems#3ating d1sorder#⭐️ve#⭐️rving#light as a 🪶
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Didn't eat anything today
I was going to, I was planning on just a 24hr fast and then maybe eating some banana and grapes buuuut
Then I fell asleep .. and now it's way past 24hrs and my parents have been just sitting in the kitchen so I can't do anything in there and I'm just
I don't even know if I'm mad or not cos like on one hand now I feel like I def need to up the cals tomorrow to avoid all the bad stuff and I really don't want to do that but then on the other hand .......
Hehehehehhe I haven't eaten
#disordered eating#tw#disordered eating cw#not pro just using tags#proana#proannna#edblr#edblrrr#⭐️rving#⭐️ve#ed not sheeran
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Ouuugh only ate 253 cals today life is good I'm feeling good (not really but that's besides the point)
And before I ate I did a successful 24hr fast (would've gone longer but I'm trying not to set myself up for a binge episode)
I send this energy to those who claim cos damn today felt like a success
#disordered eating#tw#disordered eating cw#sh#not pro just using tags#⭐️rving#⭐️ve#proana#proannna#edblr#eating disoder trigger warning#cw ed#ed not sheeran
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Life is playing an absolutely revolting joke on me and I am genuinely finding it hilarious
Tell me why today of all days, when I am once again relapsing, I go onto Duolingo to practice Russian (for school) and all the sentences are about not eating
Guys it made me type out "I do not eat soup" in Russian now if that ain't a sign I don't know what is
#disordered eating#tw#disordered eating cw#not pro just using tags#proana#ed not sheeran#⭐️ve#⭐️rving
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AMEN !!!!!
fuck this ed *binges*
ugh im so fat *starves*
fuck this ed *binges*
ugh im so fat *starves*
fuck this ed *binges*
ugh im so fat *starves*
fuck this ed *binges*
ugh im so fat *starves*
fuck this ed *binges*
ugh im so fat *starves*
fuck this ed *binges*
ugh im so fat *starves*
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I'm tired I'm so tired I feel sick and tired and I don't even know what to do
No matter what I feel uncomfortable and restless and I'm just tired
I don't want to relapse I want to heal but things are starting to feel so eugh again
And on top of everything eating food is making me feel disgusting again I hate the aftertastes and feeling full and even just the general knowledge that I ate something. Maybe it doesn't in the moment or even immediately after but for example I had some pasta in the afternoon and now at 3am I wish I could throw it up. I know I can't for so many reasons but just the knowing I ate that is making me feel so uncomfortable and when I think about it I can taste the aftertaste all over again and just
I'm tired
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Whenever I'm struggling and my friend tells me that I am not worthless and I'm important and such and such and just
I am important and I recognize that I'm not worthless. I value myself a lot but it's also just
It's not that I'm struggling with finding worth, I'm struggling with caring about that worth
#needless to say I can feel myself relapsing#this isn't exactly related to my ED but this is my ED account and i can tag the posts however I want.#disordered eating#tw#disordered eating cw#tw disordered eating#sh#not pro just using tags#eating problems#proana#proannna
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Thinking more abt this and just .... Realized and started to wonder why they offered to eat it for me. Like if I was my friend and her best friend offered her food and I KNEW she had an eating disorder. Idk man I wouldn't touch the food w even a 10 ft pole like girlie that is all yours. I ain't even taking a crumb, I don't care if she is refusing
But they know I struggle with an eating disorder. And I was offered food and I refused and they offered to eat it for me
Hmmmmm
(my ED brain is perceiving this as something completely else) (like I know they meant no harm) (but because I can't think of why else, I'm uhhhhh) (I'm being silly)
A very rare diary entry incoming oh no
No but I genuinely feel so shitty cos like. I feel like I've been doing better in general but then I catch these moments of just .. wondering abt the calories and thinking about how I shouldn't be eating this or that because "what if this pushes me over my cal limit" when I'm not even limiting my cals. And then when I'm with this one friend and we go shopping for food or snacks he tells me to get something or offers to get me something and just augh
Specifically today after I came from the cinema w two of my friends. He was offering to get me a snack and I kept telling him I don't want anything and my other friend semi whispered to me like "hey if you don't want it you can give it to me" but they weren't very quiet when saying that so he was just like "you're not giving it to them to eat it for you" and just
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel genuinely so bad abt it. Like just let me .... Let me starve .......... Let me be ........
#i usually dont like to get this “personal” on the edblr blog but im having brain worms and im trying to figure stuff out#not tagging this with the usual ed tags#this one's between me and whatever unfortunate soul decides to scroll my blog
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A very rare diary entry incoming oh no
No but I genuinely feel so shitty cos like. I feel like I've been doing better in general but then I catch these moments of just .. wondering abt the calories and thinking about how I shouldn't be eating this or that because "what if this pushes me over my cal limit" when I'm not even limiting my cals. And then when I'm with this one friend and we go shopping for food or snacks he tells me to get something or offers to get me something and just augh
Specifically today after I came from the cinema w two of my friends. He was offering to get me a snack and I kept telling him I don't want anything and my other friend semi whispered to me like "hey if you don't want it you can give it to me" but they weren't very quiet when saying that so he was just like "you're not giving it to them to eat it for you" and just
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel genuinely so bad abt it. Like just let me .... Let me starve ....... Let me be ........
#i love him so much and a part of me feels bad cos i feel like im hurting him but then theres the other shitty feeling that's just like#“ofc we arent hurting him he is just pretending to care” “hes just saying these things as a formality”
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Is cat back on her bullshit or is this just a fleeting moment of disordered eating
Only time shall tell
#words could never describe how guilty i feel about relapsing for like the millionth time#but like atp saying that im recovering is just#like who am i even fooling? im just wasting energy lying to myself#disordered eating#tw#sh#disordered eating cw#tw disordered eating#not pro just using tags#proana
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guys guys i am here to pass my wisdom
if anyone ever asks you if you’ve eaten and you havent
simply plead the 5th
follow for more ED and law content 💪💪💪
#disordered eating#tw#sh#disordered eating cw#tw disordered eating#proana#not pro just using tags#edblr#proannna#edblrr
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when your friend tells you about a bunch of stuff you should do for your future (to put it as vaguely as possible)
but like
youre planning to kill yourself in august so youre just like
“ahahaaaaaaa ok”
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actually feeling so euphoric rn cos omg
4 more hours and then i reach my 48hrs in this fast omg
and like im still not hungry
and i feel so good
im def pushing my luck but … 72 hrs babey ???????
#not pro just using tags#disordered eating#tw#sh#disordered eating cw#proana#proannna#edblr#edblrrr#tw disordered eating
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me when i stop telling myself that i cant have food and i dont want food and instead start reminding myself just how distressing a full stomach feels AND i keep thinking abt that one time i ate spaghetti but one of my hairs (i have rlly long hair) ended up in it and i threw up the spaghetti cos the hair got caught in my throat and i jus
i just felt gross and my throat hurt so bad
and now i havent eaten in over 24hrs 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳
48hr fast ??? like rn ??? maybe ?? 😳😳😳 or maybe longer?? 😳😳😳😳
stay mf tuned i guess
#not pro just using tags#disordered eating#sh#tw#disordered eating cw#edblr#proana#edblrr#proannna#tw disordered eating
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no cus all the pinterest girlies are so skinny and it isn't FAIR UGHHHH
IT SO ISN’T like how ??? can i have an ounce of their DNA ???????
like fr it doesnt make sense why do genetics have to be THAT different
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