spring comes in a warm hug

tallahassee fl on polaroid 600 film

I remember when our parents never let us crash at each others places. So instead, we stupidly chose to rebel by spending the entire night driving around endless empty backroads, filling the emptiness of the open road through songs we desperately wanted one another to hear, only to finally end up in some rundown abandoned motel parking lot. In the end we’d always end up falling asleep in your old shitty ford. If I could I would’ve spent my whole life doing just that.

at least we were together then.

Repose

through your childhood kitchen’s sliding glass door, i could see the lifetime you have lived.

why did you make me live it? now i cannot forget.

underneath the cold.

8 May 2013

My Dear Body

I feel too much. Last week I threw myself into a pile of bodies, twice, maybe even three times my size. I fell to the floor and the feeling drained out of my leg, faster than the swift kick that had sent me sprawling. Wide-eyed and dripping sweat, I leaned my frail body against the bar, my newfound numbness leaving me perplexed. “Oh, I sure do like not having to feel,” I thought. So I threw myself into a new pile of bodies four times in the following two days. Every inch of me bruised and ached. My goal was for every part to be numb. Please just distract me from what’s really going on. My poor body screamed and cried. For three days it helped, just hurting on the outside. But the pain always subsides, and bruises eventually heal. There’s only so many distractions to give yourself before inevitable reminders; stinging dreams that bring back what you are forced to feel. Now three weeks have gone and my leg is still numb. An ever-so permanent reminder of what I have done. My poor body, I’m so very sorry I had to make you ache. I thought maybe hurting you would keep me from staying awake. But instead the nights are filled with regretful memories, several weeks longer than they should last. I’m sorry, my dear body, I should have just let the hurting pass.

Found my old webkinz under the mint patch today

bull market, billings montana