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Damn it, i am so happy now, smiling like an idiot.
Thank you for this, so sweet and loving. This kind of thing never fails to remember me why i love this man. So endearing, i just wanna hug him and give him my love.
In case I donāt tell you enough, I love you.
a letter from sans directed to you, his lover.
y/n,
itās been five years since monsterkind was freed from the surface.
itās been four years since iāve met you.
itās april, and iām still missing you.
maybe itās stupid of me to miss you considering that i left your house only a few hours ago, and iām laying in bed writing this on some loose paper i found on my floor while i think of you.
weirdly enough, the silence in my room is now unsettling compared to how calming it used to be. i guess the fan in your room blowing wind on your bed that iāve yet to see turned off has grown on me. or maybe itās the rain sounds you always have playing on your tv that clash with the fan that grew on me.
or maybe itās you that's grown on me.
sometimes when i have a nightmare or i can't sleep i play fan and rain sounds on youtube to help me rest, not even thinking consciously about it anymore. it always just makes me feel like iām back in bed with you with my eyes closed, waiting for you to come back from the kitchen with the glass of water that you wanted.
i wish that i could sum it up and say i can't find the words to describe how i feel, but thatās a lie. i know exactly how i feel about you.
tracing my phalanges along the little scars and nicks of your skin when iām next to you never fails to entertain me. neither does running my hand through your hair, or twisting the rings on your fingers, or kissing you quickly for the 1000th time. i never thought i would be fond of that sort of stuff, i never thought i was a guy for any sort of romance.
i guess i just never realized that all i needed was the right person to give it to me. all i needed was you.
iām not the best writer. even my lab logs from the rare times when i help alphys with her scientific tests are messy and short out. itās almost like having all these thoughts about you is starting to eat me alive. i guess i have nowhere else to put them but on a piece of paper. if we ever get married one day like i hope we do, iād like to give this to you. who knows when that will be though, so i guess this letter will just sit in one of my drawers collecting dust until i can give it to you. it kinda sucks to think about the fact that these words might never reach you, but thatās the way life is. it sucks most of the time.
i get this weird sinking feeling in my ribs near where my soul rests sometimes. itās mostly when i think about how i miss you. sometimes my hand reaches up and brushes up and down my shoulder blade when iām lying in bed alone, mimicking the motion that your hand does to me all the time when we lay together. i donāt even notice it happens anymore, but when i do and i realize youāre not actually there, thatās when that weird sinking feeling happens. it also happens on the rare thought of you not being in my future one day, even though i know that won't happen. i know you wouldnāt leave me.
i canāt help but wonder what this feeling was before i met you, and why i never got it.
was i just empty all the time?
even though i remember in great detail why my depression was so bad back then, back before i met you, i guess these happy years with everyone have slowly washed away that feeling. i felt so horrible for so long, and i didnāt care to ever try and get better because there was no point back then, but for some reason whenever i try to think of what was there in my life that i had like this, itās almost numbed away from my memories. itās like a bad nightmare that got washed away with the morning light.
thatās not to say iām not thankful and glad iām doing better now. sure, iām still working things out, but who isnāt? i donāt think i wouldnāt have ever actually gotten help if it wasnāt for you, though. youāre really the only person who's ever seen me so clearly. i love how i donāt even have to tell you if something is wrong anymore, you just look at me and know. did you know that iāve never had anyone take the time to notice the small difference between my genuine smile versus my resting and permanent one? the day you pointed that out to me was the day i realized i liked you.
i also thought it would take me a while to realize when i liked someone seriously. i think the last time i ever had a crush wasā¦ actually, i canāt remember. in the movies and books, itās always the same scenario of āi like you but i havenāt liked anyone before so i donāt realize i like you until itās too lateā but that wasnāt the case. i knew the moment i liked you.
it was this odd twinge in me that just kinda sprung throughout my bones. i think itās the same equivalent of getting butterflies in your stomach, but without a stomach. i noticed your looks before, and i guess this sounds weird to say, but it was like after so long of friendship that i actuallyā¦ noticed you.
you looked so beautiful, and you still do.
the shock at work and from other people was really funny when they found out we were dating. i donāt think they ever actually thought iād find someone to settle down with. our friends knew better though. as shocked as our friends tried to act, it was pretty obvious that they were expecting it. i canāt believe it was that obvious that we liked each other.
thereās no big resolution to writing this. i just felt like writing it so that i could share the feelings i feel about you but that i forget to say when we are around each other. itās not like i can get a single word in with how much you smooch on me though. not that i mind.
itās not to say that if my puns ever get too much for you, or if you decide that iām too lazy and you feel like you canāt leave, you can. i just really donāt want you to. i have a strong feeling that you donāt ever want to leave either.
i canāt wait to see how the rest of our lives turn out together. when we move in, get married, and just enjoy each otherās time. i know itās crazy to hear from me, but i canāt wait to do the dishes with you and put away the laundry as you fold it. i canāt wait to enjoy your company every day one day. i know itās a bit selfish, but i hope that things stay like this forever.
i hope that you get to read this one day, and in case i donāt tell you enough, i love you.
Only if you want to, no pressure! Anyone can join :)
i found a cool tag game on twitter and i really wanna import it (o^ ^o)
this picrew + the last song you listened to :]
no pressure tags: @blood-loving-leech @overtaken-boredom @lesbianthatyaps @kameonerd566 @hexedvampire @laczki @anonymous-shxtposter @fleurafae @flovqy + anyone who wants to do it <3