19yearoldimmortal
musings of a 19 year old immortal
They tell you when you're young /
"Girls, go out and have your fun" /
Then they hunt and slay the ones / who actually do it
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what do you do when you find out that your high school crush finally and recently unfollowed you (years after grad)
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I heard the words today. The words nearly every woman/femme presenting/AFAB person has heard. The words probably every doctor has given as a prescription for a patient.
"You just need to lose some weight."
I should count myself lucky. It's taken me 23 years to hear those words and after taking years of feminist courses, including one on Women & Health, I had to hold back a guffaw. I come to the Women's Health department to inquire about a disorder and because my symptoms aren't textbook, the advice I am given is to lose weight?
I shared my experience with the people in my life and was met with an incredulous response each time. Every one was taken aback, however, none found it surprising. Because this is our reality. My body is telling me something is not right and to a doctor, the cause must be the weight I've gained over the course of 3 years. 3 pandemic years. of which I've transitioned from girlhood into adult womanhood.
The fool I am for thinking that going to the doctor would actually bring me one step closer to a solution.
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Of the numerous Greek myth retellings/reimaginings I've read this year, NONE have failed to bring up Medusa's story.
Medusa is being avenged in the year of our Lord 2023.
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The Taming of the Songwriter
Olivia Rodrigo does it again with her sophmore album GUTS, mimicking the pop-grunge sound of the '90s and early '00s while detailing about the woes of being a young woman in the 2020s.
Although the album's audio impressed me, to no surprised, I was at first disappointed by its visuals and marketing. To me, SOUR, Rodrigo's 2021 debut didn't feel that far ago. Its soft purple pop-grunge aesthetic is still present in my memories. When the album art and marketing for GUTS was released, I was shocked to find it so similar to it's predecessor, expecting for Olivia to be entering a new "era". But then I listened to the album.
Rodrigo's maturity is evident in her song writing, but the story-telling, romanticism, and production of SOUR is present. It was after giving the record a listen-through that I realized GUTS is not a follow-up album, but more of a sister-album. An older sister album. And in the spirit of it's '90s/'00s vibe, specifically the sisters from 10 Things I Hate About You (1999): Kat and Bianca Stratford (as played by Julia Stiles and Larisa Oleynik).
Bianca is SOUR. She's youthful, naive, and romantic. Bianca Stratford is a sweet, innocent, beautiful high schooler. The "girl next door" starting her journey of love. The unoffical anthem of 2021 - Driver's License - presents a wholly teenage outlook on love. It's sweet in that many of us have or will experience the feeling of gaining that freedom to take yourself wherever you want to go. And that place could the house of your first love. The album chronicles a relationship between two young people. The innocence and passion and heartbreak that made many adults feel like a teenager again. It has more soft songs and ballads and therefore in the world of Olivia's music, is more romantic. One critique of the album is that all the songs are the same, as just one stands apart from the rest in terms of subject matter ("brutal"). This is where the album differs from her older sister.
Kat is GUTS. She's edgy, jaded, and cynical. Kat Stratford is unapoligetically outspoken. A high school feminist on her jouney of disrupting the system, but that doesn't mean she can't fall in love. GUTS is a mixed bag of experiences young women know all too well. In this album, Rodrigo includes less ballads, the ones that are present reflect on poor relationships ("logical," "teenage dream," "the grudge"). But it's more than just a recounting of her past relationships. GUTS is feminism, and maybe a little queer. "all-american bitch," "lacy," "pretty isn't pretty," all touch on subject matter regarding beauty standards and the expectations forced onto young women by the patriarchy. "bad idea right?" "ballad of a homeschooled girl," and "get him back" are upbeat, tongue-in-cheek, and range in topics. Rodrigo still gives us the bitter love songs that she's known for, but this time around, she has a lot more to say.
And come on, can't you just imagine Kat laying in bed listening to "love is embarassing" one minute and the next screaming the lyrics into a mirror?
#GUTS#olivia rodrigo#10 things i hate about you#kat stratford#biance stratford#the taming of the shrew
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coming to terms with my labels
i've only ever "come out" to one person in my life about my sexuality. ace? yeah. probably. most likely. demisexual? thought so. maybe. graysexual? sounds right. could go with that. idk. i don't sound very sure do i.
i've come to realize that i don't define myself through labels for myself. i use them as a way for other people to understand me. do i identify as straight? yes. but hesitantly. i primarily desire men but i'm open to that changing at any point in my life. i identify as straight to people to communicate that i am largely attracted to men but there's always a hidden *probably or *reluctantly or *for now attached. do i identify as queer? or LGBTQ+? not really. feel like i don't deserve to.
when i first heard the term demisexual, my immediate reaction was "isn't everyone like that?" no. evidently not. it took me a long time to realize that maybe i belong to the ace spectrum. but i don't just openly tell people. i don't feel like i need to explain my sexuality unless prompted to. i have it in my back-pocket if someone needs that explanation but don't feel like i need to proudly wear it like a badge. it's who i am but it's not who i am.
what are labels if not ways for us to explain ourselves to others? i understand that labels help people discover who they are, make them feel seen and understood, provide a sense of community. i am not discounting the importance of that. but labels, categories, aren't they limiting? the beauty of humans is our ability to fluxuate, adapt, change, evolve. why box ourselves into rigidity?
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Fire Island and the Gay Pride & Prejudice podcast need to be added to this!!!! An Austen adaptation renaissance coming!!!!!!!!!
Jane Austen Masterpost
Jane Austen: A Complete Collection of Books, Movies, Adaptations, & Ect;
** Updated 03/02/2021 with Links Updated and 2020/2021 Movies Added**
~~ please let me know if you have any questions, or if links are not working ~~
Literature (in PDF):
Pride and Prejudice
Emma
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
Sense and Sensibility
Mansfield Park
Unfinished Novels:
Sanditon
Lady Susan
Movies:
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
Pride and Prejudice (1940)–> stream // torrent
Pride and Prejudice (1980)–> torrent
Pride and Prejudice (2003) –> stream // torrent
BBC Pride and Prejudice –> stream // torrent
Pride and Prejudice (2005) US Version–> stream // just the ending // torrent
Adaptations:
Bridget Jones’ Diary –> novel // stream // torrent
Bride and Prejudice –> stream // torrent
Lost in Austen –> stream // torrent
The Lizzie Bennet Diaries –> Playlist of Episodes
Pride Prejudice and Zombies (2016) –> stream
Pride Prejudice and Mistletoe (2018) –> stream
Pride & Prejudice: Atlanta (2019) –> stream
EMMA
Emma (1996 with Gwyenth Paltrow) –> stream // torrent
Emma (1996 with Kate Beckinsale)–> torrent
BBC Emma–> torrent
Emma (2020) - stream // torrent
Adaptations:
Clueless (2001) –> stream // torrent
Aisha (2010)–> torrent
Emma Approved (2013) –> Playlist of Episodes
Playing Cupid (2021) –> stream
PERSUASION
Persuasion (1995) –> torrent
Persuasion (2007) –> stream // torrent
Adaptations:
Modern Persuasion (2020) –> stream
SENSE AND SENSIBILITY
Sense and Sensibility (1995)–> stream // torrent
Sense and Sensibility (2008)–> torrent
Adaptations:
From Prada to Nada–> torrent
Scents and Sensibility (2011) –> stream
Sense, Sensibility & Snowmen (2019) –> stream
MANSFIELD PARK
Mansfield Park (1999)–> stream // torrent
Mansfield Park (2007)–> torrent
NORTHANGER ABBEY
Northanger Abbey (2007) –> stream // torrent
SANDITON
Welcome to Sanditon –> Playlist of Episodes
Other Jane Austen Adaptations in Books/ Movies:
Movies:
Jane Austen Book Club –> stream // torrent
Miss Austen Regrets –> stream // torrent
Becoming Jane –> stream // torrent
Austenland –> stream // torrent
Death Comes To Pemberley –> stream
Books:
Austenland–> read online
Death Comes to Pemberley –> read online
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies–> PDF
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the honeymoon phase is nice and all but let's just skip to being blissfully domestic. wake up early to let the dog out while I stir in bed. hug me from behind while I'm cooking. remind me to take the garbage out in the evening. host a dinner party for our friends where I boil potpourri, set the table, and prepare a three course meal. declare one day out of each month for a deep house cleaning. go on sunset walks. discuss family trauma. collapse on the sofa after a day at work and cuddle. have dedicated shows we watch together.
I want that.
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I think some of the most beautiful people are the people that are completely oblivious of the fact that they're beautiful. Maybe they don't care about looks. Maybe they're not up on fashion trends. Maybe their clothes don't fit or look quite right. Maybe they were never complimented growing up. Maybe they grew into their beauty. Whatever it is, the people who walk around as if they're inconsequential, completely unaware of their glory, are the most beautiful.
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HEARTSTOPPER (2022) | BBC MERLIN (2008-2012) PART 1
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# it’s always ‘crying at the way nick looks at charlie’ and never ‘crying at the way charlie looks at nick’
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The Resurgence of Teenagedom
I recently realized that as a teen I didn’t watch a lot of the shows my friends and other teens did. No Teen Wolf, Gossip Girl, Glee, Gilmore Girls, or Vampire Diaries for me (and I only watched half of Pretty Little Liars). And even if I did watch these shows (largely aimed at a younger audience), it’s not like they accurately portrayed teenagerhood. Or life. Most of the characters were white and conventionally attractive. They somehow balanced romantic (hetero) relationships, education, drama, and literal life or death situations. The writers skirted around real issues, or mishandled any that were dealt with.
I couldn’t find myself or my peers being accurately represented on the screen so I gave up. I turned to shows like Arrested Development, Orange is the New Black, and How I Met Your Mother - all shows I was way too young to watch at the time I viewed them.
This is where the appeal of John Green’s novels were born, in my opinion. His novels filled the market for portraying quirky and mundane teenage life. Nothing was supernatural. No one was having graphic sex. It was as close to normal as we could get and yet I still wasn’t a huge fan or could completely relate to the quirky, pretentious protagonists. YouTube seemed to be the place that I found solace but even then, I’d be watching people 5-10 years older than me living completely different lives to my own.
It seems that all of the sudden, we’re getting the type of representation I needed, the representation that all of us needed, when we were kids and teens in the 2010s. Yes, it’s true that marginalized groups have been fighting for decades to be seen and and heard and respected but over the course of just a few years has popular media finally decided to represent these communities. It makes me mourn my adolesence.
With the recent releases of Turning Red (2022) on Disney+ and Heartstopper (2022) on Netflix, I’ve been left to reflect.
Where was this type of media when I was younger?
Maybe I would’ve been a better friend, known how to actually flirt, been able to translate my complicated feelings, been less embarassed of menstruation, discovered my personal sense of style, or understood the perspectives and lives of different types of people. Maybe the majority of my celebrity crushes wouldn’t be 10-30 years older than me! There are other factors to blame for my stunted emotions and lack of common human experiences, but the expectations 2010s teen shows presented to many of us throughout our adolescence played a LARGE part.
I am happy for the kids and teens of today for getting positive and accurate representations of teenagehood, really I am, but it is incredibly bittersweet. The people who didn’t get this type of representation are the ones writing and creating this media after all. It’s sad that we have to create markets and art to fill voids.
anyway....stream Heartstopper on Netflix ❤️💛💚💙💜
#Heartstopper#TurningRed#Glee#GilmoreGirls#PrettyLittleLiars#Gossip Girl#VampireDiaries#TeenWolf#Netflix#Teen Shows#2010s Media#representation#representation matters#mourning my youth#Skins#Riverdale#SwitchedAtBirth#SexEducation#Degrassi#The Secret Life of an American Teenager#Shameless#SKAM
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lonliness is like my shadow.
it's always a part of me,
following me like a friend.
it may dim
but as long as the sun shines,
my shadow follows.
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In Defense of Giselle’s Dress
People often talk about the best “walking down a grand staircase while everyone stares at you” dress in 00s movies and I think Giselle’s gets too much hate. As a kid, I really liked this dress and now as an adult, I am able to analyze the costuming and deduce why it was the perfect choice.
At this point in the movie, Giselle is feeling dejected. The man she is falling in love with is engaged to someone else and she still believes that she’ll marry Prince Edward and return to Andalasia. She is not her usual sickly sweet cheerful self and the style, silhouette, and colour of the dress reflect that. She is firstly in complete contrast to herself (see below). her hair is straightened, her dress is form fitting and mature, and she wears no/minimal jewelry.
Additionally, she is in complete contrast to the party-goers as she has been the entire movie. Giselle’s gigantic white wedding gown and blue dress made from curtains visually set her apart from the New York City pedestrians. She is a fairytale character and it shows. On the opposite side of the spectrum, in this dress she looks regular while everyone else is dressed according to the Ball’s theme. If she had worn something outlandish, she wouldn’t have stood out but blended it which is exactly what Giselle doesn’t do. Look how odd her outfit looks next to Edward here!
She looks less odd next to Robert who’s costume is significantly less dramatic than Edward’s. Sure, it’s not the most flattering dress but it’s Giselle’s attempt to insert herself into the real world.
I'm not sure what the haters of this dress expected her to wear in this scene because imo it was a fantastic choice that wowed me both as a child and as an adult.
#Enchanted#Disenchanted#Giselle#Giselle's Dress#Andalasia#i want people to see this#what are good tags#dress#writing#analysis#movie analysis#costume design
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Rick Riordan’s response to the racism and hatred directed at Leah after she was cast as Annabeth:
“Leah Jeffries is Annabeth Chase”
“This post is specifically for those who have a problem with the casting of Leah Jeffries as Annabeth Chase. It’s a shame such posts need to be written, but they do. First, let me be clear I am speaking here only for myself. These thoughts are mine alone. They do not necessarily reflect or represent the opinions of any part of Disney, the TV show, the production team, or the Jeffries family.
The response to the casting of Leah has been overwhelmingly positive and joyous, as it should be. Leah brings so much energy and enthusiasm to this role, so much of Annabeth’s strength. She will be a role model for new generations of girls who will see in her the kind hero they want to be.
If you have a problem with this casting, however, take it up with me. You have no one else to blame. Whatever else you take from this post, we should be able to agree that bullying and harassing a child online is inexcusably wrong. As strong as Leah is, as much as we have discussed the potential for this kind of reaction and the intense pressure this role will bring, the negative comments she has received online are out of line. They need to stop. Now.
I was quite clear a year ago, when we announced our first open casting, that we would be following Disney’s company policy on nondiscrimination: We are committed to diverse, inclusive casting. For every role, please submit qualified performers, without regard to disability, gender, race and ethnicity, age, color, national origin, sexual orientation, gender identity or any other basis prohibited by law. We did that. The casting process was long, intense, massive and exhaustive.
I have been clear, as the author, that I was looking for the best actors to inhabit and bring to life the personalities of these characters, and that physical appearance was secondary for me. We did that. We took a year to do this process thoroughly and find the best of the best. This trio is the best. Leah Jeffries is Annabeth Chase.
Some of you have apparently felt offended or exasperated when your objections are called out online as racist. “But I am not racist,” you say. “It is not racist to want an actor who is accurate to the book’s description of the character!”
Let’s examine that statement.
You are upset/disappointed/frustrated/angry because a Black actor has been cast to play a character who was described as white in the books. “She doesn’t look the way I always imagined.”
You either are not aware, or have dismissed, Leah’s years of hard work honing her craft, her talent, her tenacity, her focus, her screen presence. You refuse to believe her selection could have been based on merit. Without having seen her play the part, you have pre-judged her (pre + judge = prejudice) and decided she must have been hired simply to fill a quota or tick a diversity box. And by the way, these criticisms have come from across the political spectrum, right and left.
You have decided that I couldn’t possibly mean what I have always said: That the true nature of the character lies in their personality. You feel I must have been coerced, brainwashed, bribed, threatened, whatever, or I as a white male author never would have chosen a Black actor for the part of this canonically white girl.
You refuse to believe me, the guy who wrote the books and created these characters, when I say that these actors are perfect for the roles because of the talent they bring and the way they used their auditions to expand, improve and electrify the lines they were given. Once you see Leah as Annabeth, she will become exactly the way you imagine Annabeth, assuming you give her that chance, but you refuse to credit that this may be true.
You are judging her appropriateness for this role solely and exclusively on how she looks. She is a Black girl playing someone who was described in the books as white.
Friends, that is racism.
And before you resort to the old kneejerk reaction — “I am not racist!” — let’s examine that statement too.
If I may quote from an excellent recent article in the Boston Globe about Dr. Khama Ennis, who created a program on implicit bias for the Massachusetts Board of Registration for Medicine in Boston: “To say a person doesn’t have bias is to say that person isn’t human. It’s how we navigate the world … based on what we’re taught and our own personal histories.”
Racism/colorism isn’t something we have or don’t have. I have it. You have it. We all do. And not just white people like me. All people. It’s either something we recognize and try to work on, or it’s something we deny. Saying “I am not racist!” is simply declaring that you deny your own biases and refuse to work on them.
The core message of Percy Jackson has always been that difference is strength. There is power in plurality. The things that distinguish us from one another are often our marks of individual greatness. You should never judge someone by how well they fit your preconceived notions. That neurodivergent kid who has failed out of six schools, for instance, may well be the son of Poseidon. Anyone can be a hero.
If you don’t get that, if you’re still upset about the casting of this marvelous trio, then it doesn’t matter how many times you have read the books. You didn’t learn anything from them.
Watch the show or don’t. That’s your call. But this will be an adaptation that I am proud of, and which fully honors the spirit of Percy Jackson and the Olympians, taking the bedtime story I told my son twenty years ago to make him feel better about being neurodivergent, and improving on it so that kids all over the world can continue to see themselves as heroes at Camp Half-Blood.”
(x)
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don’t quit your day job
I have no authority to be giving this type of advice (honestly who is going to find this miniscule crevice on the internet) but as a person who is currently on their search for a passion in a sea of hobbies, I’d like to impart this piece of wisdom: Don’t quit your day job. Or rather, you don’t have to quit your day job.
Of course, I did not invent this phrase. The Oxford dictionary defines the saying as “a humourous way of advising someone not to pursue something at which they are unlikely to be successful”
This is not my meaning. By invoking DQYDJ, I embark on the idea that in order to pursue your passion, your dream, you do not require the complete abandonment of your part-time, your 9-5, or whatever it is you may do in order to be “successful” in your passion. This passion does not have to be the thing that keeps the lights on.
While “the dream” is to be able to pursue that passion above all else, that is not necessarily the reality for most of us. This idea of “the dream” often discourages people from truly pursuing their passion. The “well if I can’t do it full time, I’ll never be successful so I quit” mentality. The “washed-up *insert passion here*” mentality. The “oh I used to be *passion* but I had to give it up” mentality. It must be one or the other.
Well, it doesn’t have to be. What’s wrong with doing both if your day job doesn’t suck the life out of you?
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when i say i hate men
when I say I hate men, what I really mean is “I’m afraid of men” but I’m too proud to admit that. I don’t want to be afraid of a subclass of our species inferior to my own. I don’t want to be afraid of people who don’t wipe their ass or wash their hair. I don’t want to be afraid of people who don’t know what ovaries are. I don’t want to be afraid to meet someone on an app and risk them hurting me, physically, emotionally (I’m not sure which is worse). I don’t want to be afraid to take walks alone. I don’t want to be afraid to travel, to have fun, to be free.
This fear of man inhibits my daily life. I don’t want this anxiety to rule me so I channel it as contempt, not disimilar hate groups channel their own unconscious fears and harms onto others (though I’d rather die than me compared to such groups).
But by being afraid, and by proxy loathsome, of men is only harming one person. And that person is me. Is it worth risking my safety to face my fears?
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