Going Home
cw: strong language, mentions of blood and injury, <10k words || era: December 18, 2022
â Sometimes it takes a while to realise who your actual family are, and sometimes you realise it when it's just too late
Chapter I:
âLast night there was a reported hit and run in the outskirts of Seoul in the direction of Incheon. The hit vehicle crashed into two other cars, causing a massive crash. Thankfully only one person was heavily injured, the four other victims: a mother with her daughter and two young males, were only lightly injured.
âThe crash that occurred at the beginning of a bridge caused major damage to the infrastructure of the bridge. Police have closed off that bridge and authorities are clearing the scene. The perpetrator who caused the crash has not yet been found.
âAll traffic heading towards Incheon Airport has been safely redirected. Those who planned on travelling out via this bridge are hereby warned to head out to the airport earlier to assure a timely arrival.â
âWow, thatâs insane,â Haechan reacted in a breathy tone after hearing the news. âTo think those people were probably heading out on holiday and now they have to spend time at the hospital.â
Taeyong nodded with a tight-lipped hum, he patted the youngest on his shoulder before sitting down next to him. âI hope theyâre all well.â
It was cold in the practice room. The thermostat had only been turned on when the first of the members arrived for their dance practice session. Something about the air in the room today didn't sit right. Maybe it was the frosty weather outside, the equally uncomfortable temperature inside or the exhaustion the members were feeling with their packed schedule, but the mood really wasnât feeling right at that moment.
âWhere are the others?â The leader looked from Haechan to Taeil, who both shrugged their shoulders, yet before Taeil could vocalise his unknowing, the door of the practice room swung open.
âIâm sorry weâre late!â Mark heaved and stumbled into the room.
Taeil chuckled a bit at the younger manâs frantic exterior. âDonât tell me you actually ran up here.â It wasnât even a question, more like a statement out of incredulity which had Taeil hardly suppressing a laugh.
âWe were in the car,â Johnny said as he pushed past Mark. Jungwoo and Jaehyun followed him shortly. âDid you hear the news about the hit and run? Itâs crazy.â
Haechan mimicked Taeyongâs earlier tight-lipped hum in acknowledgment, âyeah weâve heard.â
âSo we were listening to it and came up here as soon as the report was over.â
Noticing Mark struggling with his bag and belongings, Taeyong stood up to lend him a helping hand. Mark mouthed a quick thank you, mentioning briefly how his morning had already been so hectic and he couldnât seem to keep it together. Taeyong offered him a comforting pat on the back and told him he should take a few deep breaths. Mark complied and after having collected himself, showed Taeyong a grateful smile.
âThat makes us seven out of ten. Any ideas where the rest are?â Taeyong asked the whole group.
The boys all shook their heads bar Jungwoo, who spoke up, âIâm not sure, but I think I remember Doyoung mentioned he had something to attend to before noon. I donât know about Yuta and JiHo though. Should I call?â
Taeyong shook his head dismissively. âTheyâll get here soon enough, letâs start warming up already.â
Practice was in session not long after. The members started warming up and began going over choreography. About 15 minutes in, Doyoung and Yuta joined. They seemed distracted and Taeyong took note of it, but didnât mention it out loud. The practice wasnât even halted, they just continued on and the two latecomers joined wordlessly so as to not waste any time.
Once the first break arrived all the members went to their own corners of the room for a water and snack break.
âYou two good?â Taeyong checked on Yuta and Doyoung who both nodded. âDid you hear anything fromââ
âThe mother who got injured during last nightâs hit and run in the direction of Incheon was willing to explain the incident.â The voice of the female reporter sounded from Haechanâs tablet.
âWe were heading towards the airport, me and my daughter were going to visit family in Europe. It was fairly empty on this road, since people usually go from the main road. I just remember a car to the left of me, and I think also one behind me. Suddenly I heard a loud noise and the car left of me hit my car. I only remember hearing another car speed by and they didnât have any lights on. The next thing I know, I was checking on my daughter and we tried to exit the car safely. Luckily we were able to get out easily. Me and my daughter only had some bruises and I had a little cut from the glass of my side window that shattered.â
âMother and daughter are safe and were able to catch another flight to their destination. The two young injured men have been successfully treated for their injuries in the hospital. The last victim is still in the hospital, getting treated for injuries.â
Once the reporter stopped speaking the room began filling with murmurs. Some of the members were discussing the news, while others had conversations about entirely different things in general.
Yuta didnât realise he was drowning out the other membersâ voices, preoccupied with his own thoughts until something caught his attention.
ââJiHo, so Iâm not sure.â Doyoung was talking, but Yuta couldnât connect enough elements to figure out the context. This was noticed by Doyoung, who placed a hand on the older manâs shoulder and with a chuckleânot necessarily one out of amusementâhe asked if something was wrong, âare you okay? You seem spaced out.â
âNo,â Yuta began. âItâs nothing. Just⌠I donât know anything about JiHo eitherââ
âGuys!â A loud high pitched voice cut Yuta off. All the members present turned to the door where they found a heaving Sihyun.
Another one, Taeyong thought as this had been the fourth person he had seen walking into this room who looked like their whole morning was filled with misfortune.
âWhat is it?â Johnny asked carefully as Sihyun had a difficult time speaking any words. No one was sure if it was because she had been running and was out of breath, or because of what she wanted to say.
âHave any of you guys seen JiHo?â
Chapter II:
âYou donât have to leave,â Yuta pouted playfully. He had a hard time hiding his smile as, even though he did feel a bit sad about JiHo returning to her apartment, he was happy she was in a better place than a month prior.
âYou say that, but Iâm pretty sure Doyoung is annoyed with me hogging his bed 24/7,â she deadpanned. However, the second she made eye contact with her fellow Japanese friend, the two broke out in laughter. âI think Iâm messing with that homebodyâs safe space too much,â she confessed.
âYou can sleep here as well.â Yuta patted the bed he was sitting onâhis bed.
In response JiHo scoffed, turning back to his desk where she was looking for her phone charger. âYou kick me out every time you want to sleep. No thank you.â
âHey! I donât do that. Itâs just that you hate me hugging you in your sleep and I need my space,â he countered. As he spoke those words though, he started to realise how contradicting they sounded. âOkay, so maybe weâre not great sleeping buddies, but if you go back to your apartment, whoâs going to cook for me? And our movie nights? And game nights! Those are fun, although Haechan always hogs your attention and itâs getting annoying. That tiny boy needs to learn his placeââ
Mid-ramble Yuta noticed how JiHo wasnât responding to him. His eyes scanned JiHoâs unusually stiff figure until he realised what she was doingâor rather what she had seen. âJiHo, itâs not like thatââ
âLike what?â Her voice had dropped an octave and there was no emotion in it. She turned around and was holding a small stack of envelopes. âWhat are these doing here?â
Taking a deep breath in, Yuta stood up and took a step closer, but JiHo moved back instantly. âIâ Okay, I got them from your biological parents. They tried to visit you in Japan and I didnât think you wanted them to, so I told them to leave. They gave those to me.â
JiHo took a few moments to let the information settle before she spoke up. âJapan? When exactly? At the beginning of the year?â When Yuta nodded affirmatively, JiHo scoffed even louder. There was a scowl on her face as she eyed him with anger. âWhy didnât you at least give them to me?â
âI was planning to. Believe me,â Yuta pleaded, trying to reach out to hold JiHoâs hand, but she shook him off. âI just didnât know how youâd react orââ
âWell, now you know,â JiHo said and grabbed her suitcase, rolling it behind her as she walked out of his room.
âJiHo!â Yuta called after her, but she didnât answer. She didnât even look back as she closed the front door behind her and left the dorm.
Defeated, Yuta plopped down on his bed, cradling his head between his hands. He felt like an asshole for not letting the younger girl know about the letters, or that JiHoâs biological parents had tried to visit her, but if he was being honest, he knew that he wasnât even planning on doing so. He lied to her.
Yuta never wanted to tell JiHo about her biological parents. They werenât good people, they didnât have good intentions. All he wanted was to protect her from them. Although he knew that that wasnât his place nor call, he just wanted to be selfish. He and the members had been around JiHo for so long, caring for her, loving her, he didnât want JiHo to meet those people who would give her an empty promise of doing what they had done for so many years. He wanted JiHo to see the boys as her family, he didnât want her to reach out to those fake parents.
Too lost in his thoughts, Yuta fell asleep that night without changing out of his clothes. When he woke up that following morning it had already been close to noon. There was a lingering headache that made his every move that much more painful, more than the muscle ache of sleeping in an uncomfortable position for many hours.
As the late morning progressed he had pondered on whether or not to reach out to JiHo. He wanted to know if she reached her apartment safely last night, but the memories of their fight halted him. JiHo probably didnât want him to call her. He had probably broken her trust and she mustâve been very angry at himâthe anger in her eyes that looked at Yuta was still imprinted in his mind. He had to, however. It wouldâve made him an even worse person if he didnât at least check on her.
Just as expected, his call went to voicemail. JiHo didnât want to talk to him, Yuta was sure of it. However, he hoped that she had at least seen the call attempt and knew that he was putting in an effort, but that thinking process even sounded selfish to himself. Yuta coined all his thoughts and actions towards JiHo as selfish. Thatâs just how I am, he thought.
Chapter III:
âWhat do you mean?â Yuta asked with a shaky voice after Sihyun had run into the practice room asking for JiHo. âIs she not at home?â
Sihyun turned to Yuta as he heard his voice and shook her head. âNo⌠She isnât,â she answered, but sounded confused.
âDid something happen?â Doyoung mimicked her confused look, sensing the weird atmosphere in the room.
Again Sihyun shook her head and took a step further into the room. âWhy are you guys looking like that at me? Itâs just that Iâve been setting up for JiHoâs birthday surprise and I donât want it to get ruined.â
It took a second before the boys all sighed with a sense of relief. âGod, you scared me, I thought something happened.â
âOH! Iâm sorry, I didnât mean to worry you guys, but⌠Wait. If JiHo isnât here and she isnât at home? Did anyone call her?â
Yuta raised his hand hesitantly, âI called her earlier, she didnât pick up, but IâŚâ Everyone eyed the Japanese expectantly. âWe got in a little fight yesterday night so I think she doesnât really want to talk to me.â
Taeyong sighed in a mixture of relief, acknowledgment, but also pain. âThatâs why youâve been acting so strange,â he said as he patted his friend on his shoulder. âDonât worry about it. Itâs hard to get JiHo that angry. She either didnât see it or sheâll get over it quickly.â
âNo, Taeyong. You donât understand. I really fucked up this time.â Yutaâs eyes were wide before they turned down into a frown. It was clear to Taeyongâand the othersâthat whatever happened between Yuta and the female member was weighing on him.
âWhat happened?â Mark asked curiously. Of course he wasnât beyond realising the weight of the situation, but he would be lying if he said he wasnât actively curious about what had happened. He would have to admit that when Yuta turned to him and let out a deep shaky sigh that he almost felt bad asking, but he thought that it would be best for his friend to air his worries.
âI spoke to JiHoâs biological parents more than half a year ago⌠during our concerts.â The gasps of disbelief from the members had Yuta lowering his head in shame. He knew that the boys had already made up their minds and thought badly of him for doing so. A comforting hand from his leader, however, had urged him to continue explaining. âJiHo sent them letters when she felt lonely, when she couldnât see her actual parents. Her biological parents gave me the letters and I never told JiHo about it. I kept them and JiHo found them last night.â
There was tension in the room. It mostly felt like a feeling of shared sadness, but there was a clear air of disappointment and something akin to anger. The latter was very prominent coming from Yutaâs immediate left, where Doyoung stood and let out a scoff.
âWow,â the Korean sarcastically commented. âWay to go, Yuta.â
âHey! You wouldâve done the same if you were in my position,â Yuta turned to his so-called friend. âIf you met those people, you wouldnât have wanted them around JiHo even for a split second.â
âYou shouldâve told her about it at least.â
âDonât act like youâre a saint and never make dumb decisions.â
âYouââ
âHEY!â Haechan suddenly yelled, catching everyone's attention. âWhat Yuta hyung did was dumb, but you canât say you wouldâve handled it differently when you never had to be in his place. Now, it doesnât matter anyway. We donât know where JiHo is and I donât know about you guys, but itâs starting to get a little concerning to me.â
Mark turned to his friend who was heaving a little and put his arm around his shoulder comfortingly. Taeyong nodded in agreement before looking at Yuta and Doyoung and then at the rest. âIâll call JiHo, see if I can reach her. Sihyun, you can continue preparing for JiHoâs surprise and the two of youââ Taeyong turned to the two members who were previously yelling at each other ââplease make up, thereâs no need to fight because of this. Iâm sure you both are already stressed enough.â
Taeyong disappeared from the room alongside Sihyun, leaving the other members to themselves. âIâm sorry. Iâve just been feeling off the whole day. I slept terribly last night and,â Doyoung sighed. âI just hope things are fine.â
Yuta pulled the man in a quick hug, which Doyoung reciprocated immediately. âNo need to apologise. I understand.â
Despite the two men reconciling, the mood in the room still felt a bit off. The members either stood in place, staring at whatever it might be, or were pacing around trying not to get in their head too much.
It proved rather pointless, because with every passing minuteâTaeyong was taking a whileâthe boys grew more uneasy. They were all worried, but Johnny noticed one member in particular seeming to have an ever harder time. âHey,â he said in almost a whisper. âYou donât seem too well. Is something on your mind?â
Yuta looked up at his taller friend and released his lip that was held hostage between his teeth. He shook his head from side to side, his eyes unfocused and darting around the room. âItâs just thatâŚâ
âJust that what?â Jaehyun stepped forward once he noticed Yutaâs expression. It looked like the Japanese man was about to say something, but had a hard time letting the words come out. âDid something come to mind?â
Jaehyun could act all calm, cool and collected as much as he wanted, but the tone of his voice gave him away immediately. He was panicking on the inside, scared that something might have gone wrong. His faked exterior immediately crumbled, however, when Taeyong entered the room with his phone held up high telling the members he wasnât able to reach JiHo.
âYuta, speak up,â Doyoung quickly urged.
The man eyed his friends first before he opened his mouth to speak, âMaybeââ
âThe victim who was sent to the hospital with major injuries after last nightâs hit and run case in Seoul is recovering well. The young man was in the driverâs seat of the first car that got hit with his two other friends in the back of the car. He will be able to leave the hospital by tomorrow. All victims of the crash will be able to spend their holidays safely with their families and friends. The police are still searching for the perpetrator.â
As soon as the female voice got cut off, Yuta let out a huge sigh of relief. Markâs eyes widened once the realisation set in after he connected Yutaâs earlier demeanour and actions. âYou thought that person was JiHo?!â
Markâs voice boomed through the room, louder than it ever had.
As if caught red-handed, Yuta started to stutter out words defensively. âIt wasnât ruled out! I just thought there was a possibility JiHo might have gone to the airport because she wanted to see her parents,â Yutaâs loud and defensive tone diminished with every passing word. He looked around at his friends and once again dropped his head in shame. âI didnât want to think like that, but perhaps hearing her biological parents tried to reach out⌠JiHo mightâve wanted to get in contact with them.â
Although Yuta sounded meek and defeated, the way his voice started to tremble and his words started to mix together, it was clear he had been insanely stressed and in his head before and that his emotions were finally catching up to him.
âHey hey.â Mark took a step closer and called out to Yuta in a gentle voice, âyou were just worried and scared. Letâs just be happy that it wasn't JiHo.â
Yuta shook his head and pressed his eyes shut tightâtears were starting to run down his cheeks. âI still shouldnât have thought like that. If I even thought it was possible, why didnât I do anything?â
Mark pouted and looked at Doyoung with a lost look. He didnât know what to say or do, so opted to hug the Japanese man instead. Doyoung gave Mark a firm nod and with his own hand softly patted Yutaâs back. âYou couldnât have done anything in such a situation anyway. Letâs focus on actually finding JiHo first.â
As on que, Taeyong entered the room with his phone in hand. He was already shaking his head from side to side. âI canât reach her.â
A collective sigh came from the boys. At this point reaching JiHo started to feel like an urgent matter, but if she wasnât going to pick up, it did not matter how many times the boys would call.
âLet me try,â Haechan suggested, although having the same mindset as the others. Taeyong was about to say that the idea seemed almost pointless at this timeâalthough he wasnât against trying a few more timesâwhen Haechan had already pulled out his phone and dialled JiHoâs number.
He tried 3 more times after that and each time the boys looked at him with held breath. The last time though, something was different. It didnât take about a minute or two before the call went to voicemail.
âWhat happened?â Jaehyun asked with much urgency in his tone.
Haechan looked as pale as a ghost as he looked up to his older members. There was a confusing mixture of emotions displayed by him and his voice came out meekly as he answered, âit went straight to voicemail.â
Chapter IV:
JiHo slammed her hands on the steering wheel as soon as she sat down in the car. It was Yebinâs car. Yebin, her manager who had gone on pregnancy leave. Her fiance didnât allow her to drive so Yebin had nicely lent JiHo her car for now.
It was a nice car, though nothing special. Something affordable and big enough for a kid or two in the back seat. JiHo wouldâve decided on something else for a car of her ownâif she was allowed to at least. This car was nice, but she wanted a car in which she could get away from life for a moment. A car which she could pretty much live in whenever life became too much. Just like at that moment.
She looked at the stack of envelopes on the passengerâs seat before letting out a scoff and immediately turning on the engine. In barely a minute she was on the street already. Despite it being the weekend, the streets of Seoul were rather empty. That shouldnât have been surprising, noticing the time of dayârather nightâit was.
~âLast night there was a reported hit and run in the outskirts of Seoul in the direction of Incheon. The hit vehicle crashed into two other cars, causing a massive crash.â~
Driving was something that went like autopilot for JiHo. One moment she was still in the parking lot, the next she was pulling up at her destination.
DestinationâŚ
Driving was so much like going on autopilot that JiHo sometimes didnât even realise where she was heading. Usually it was just driving from her apartment or the boys dorm to the company, or returning home from the company. Sometimes JiHo would drive to personal schedules or if she just wanted to go out somewhere on her own. She didnât have a car though, so it was a hassle to ask a manager for permission each time she wanted to go somewhere. If only she could buy her own car. Her father didnât approve of the idea. Something about it being too dangerous. âDangerous my ass,â JiHo mumbled to herself as she relived the arguments with her father about the topic in her head.
There was a nice song on the radio. JiHo hummed along with it, letting her body steer the car to wherever it wanted to go.
~âWe were heading towards the airport, me and my daughter were going to visit family in Europe. It was fairly empty on this road, since people usually go from the main road.â~
The road she was on was not the one going to her apartment. That much she was sure of, but even though she was aware, even though she mumbled it to herself that this isnât the way home, it was like her mind wasnât connecting the dots. She just continued driving.
âGodââ JiHo cursed as she had to hit the brakes suddenly. A car in front of her slowed down abruptly before its blinkers changed from the right to the left. With the sudden movement she heard something shift to the side of her. Looking back down at the passengerâs seat she was confronted with her own handwriting. She didnât have to look closely to know what it said.
   Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dubois
   Itâs me, JiHo. I was wondering if we could meet up one day.
JiHo internally cringed. She didnât know whether she was more disappointed that she ever wrote it, or that she was still wondering about how her biological parents had reacted when they first read the letter.
âThey probably didnât even care.â The words she spoke were those to comfort her. It did little to do so however because JiHo quickly felt a hot tear on her cheek. She sniffled and wiped the tear away before really focusing on the street in front of her again. âHow did I get here?â
In front of her were two cars. Despite this place being a bit further than the main roadâJiHo wanted to be on the road for as long as possibleâit was a pretty big road. Three lanes wide, but JiHo was in no rush. She continued behind the car on the most right side, heading towards the bridge.
~just remember a car to the left of me, and I think also one behind me. Suddenly I heard a loud noise and the car left of me hit my car.~
A loud screeching noise came from JiHoâs side. She barely had any time to look up before the four headlights started to blur into one big mess. There was rumbling, the sound of metal bending and screeching and scratching and getting crushed. JiHo tried to keep her eyes on the lights but it quickly became impossible.
The lights started to disappear to the left side of her vision and she felt her body get shaken until she couldnât see any light anymore.
Chapter V:
âShould we call the police?â Mark suggested, earning some of the boys attention.
âWe could, but they might not act on it immediately,â Johnny answered. His face looked like one of worry. It looked like he hadnât slept in days, yet it was easy to pinpoint the source of his concern.
âI canât sit here any longer, Iâm gonna head out,â Jaehyun said as he grabbed his jacket.
âAnd do what?â
âI donât know. Something?! We can sit here all day and wait, or we can try to go out and find her,â Jaehyun stated firmly. When he looked his leader in the eyes, however, his whole semblance shattered. He dropped his jacket and shook his head defeatedly. âHyungâ I just donât have a good feeling about this. Just sitting here makes me feel useless.â
Taeyong nodded, pulling the taller man into a hug. âI know, but for all we know JiHo is just at the gym blowing off steam, or with a friend. JiHo is a smart girl who needs her distance sometimes. Letâs take it step by sââ
A ringing noise sounded from behind Taeyong. Turning around, he found Doyoung looking down at his phone confused. âWhoâs that?â
âI donât know, I donât recognise the number,â he mumbled confusedly.
âMaybe it's a sasaeng?â Taeil commented with a slight scowl. It was true that lately the boys and JiHo were getting more sasaeng calls. If it werenât the usual fan girls that bothered them, then it was this new fan who just called and didnât say anything. As if to taunt them.
Doyoung shrugged, but decided to pick up the phone anyway. âHello?â
The boys all watched as Doyoung took the call, trying to understand what was going on by watching his facial expressions.
âCar? ... Black car? ⌠Iâm sorry, I canâtâ Wait, Iâll step out for a secââ Doyoung stopped dead in his tracks before asking the person on the other side of the phone to repeat themselves. âNo⌠I, you must be mistaken. There were only 2 carsââ
âOn further investigation the police were able to find a third vehicle that was involved in the hit and run last night in Seoul. The car was found about a hundred metres down the side of the bridge. There seemed to be only one passenger in the car. The victimâs condition is not yet known.
âIt took the police several hours to find the last vehicle. The car was not immediately found since there were no direct traces suggesting more than 2 vehicles involved, as well as the side of the bridge being very overgrown and there being many trees making the last car difficult to spot. They will do an extra search, expanding the search area to make sure no one else is left unfound.â
Frozen in his spot, Doyoung looked Taeyong dead in the eyes. His eyes were filled to the brim with tears and he had completely forgotten about listening to what the person on the phone was saying.
âDoyoung?â Taeyong whispered, but his friend still couldnât say a thing. âPlease talk to me.â
Before long, Johnny snatched the phone from Doyoungâs hand and held it up to his ear. âYes? ⌠Yeah Iâmâ Iâm her brother.â As Johnny said that he couldnât look his members in the eyes and so he turned his back on them and continued talking to the person on the phone.
âHyung, whatâs going on?â Haechan asked in almost a whiny tone. It wasnât the usual playful tone he carried, but a genuine pained sound. âCanât you tell us what happened? What did they say?â
Just a few seconds later Johnny turned back to the group. âTaeyong, Yuta, Doyoung?â He looked at the three, calling for their attention, but the latter didnât budge. âLetâs go.â
The three stood there in shock, unsure of what to do, with Taeyong and Yuta eyeing each other nervously.
âCOME ON! If you donât come Iâm taking someone else with me,â Johnny yelled loudly which made Yuta and Taeyong move instantly. To help Doyoung out, the leader pulled him by his arm, only partly getting him out of his trance.
âWhat about us?â Jungwoo asked in a soft, shaky tone.
A sigh escaped Johnnyâs lips and he glanced over the room once again. âOkay, one more person can fit in the car with us. The others, ask for the manager to bring you.â
The other members nodded after they pushed Haechan towards the older members. âWhere to?â Mark asked. He sounded almost scared to ask the question and when the response came, his apprehensiveness felt not unwarranted.
âTo the hospital goddamnit! Where else to?â Johnny had never been this upsetâthis angry. When he got angry heâd always try to compose himself, using sarcasm or trying to joke about it to lighten the mood. This time, however, every sense of trying to stay composedâtrying to be fakeâwas thrown out of the window and it was scary.
âYeah. Iâm sorry,â Mark had whispered to himself when he noticed the group leave the room without much of a second glance. Jaehyun was by his side in seconds to give him a pat on his shoulder, but when Mark looked up he didnât see Jaehyun look at him with a comforting or reassuring gaze. The man himself was dying of nerves. He was just as scared as the rest.
âLetâs just go,â he stated short, earning affirmative hums and nods from the boys as they looked for a manager to bring them to the hospital.
Chapter VI:
âIâm sorry, this many people arenât allowed in here. Itâs familyââ
The nurse had barely any time to state the protocol when 5 intimidating men were towering over her. If it werenât for the clear tears, red eyes and clumped-together eyelashes, the woman wouldâve called security without a second of thought.
âWeâre her family, sheâs all sheâs got here.â
The woman nodded nervously before looking down at her clipboard. âAâAnd whoâs family is it that you are?â
âLim JiHoâs,â Taeyong answered in Johnnyâs stead. It wasnât like Johnny was unable to answer, but his height and clearly sour mood was making the nurse severely uncomfortable to the point Taeyong needed to step in. Johnny was tall and really scary at this moment, but he wouldnât hurt anyoneâbesides possibly the person in charge of what had happenedâTaeyong just didnât want anyone to misunderstand his American friend.
âLim? Lim JiHo?â She continued to leaf through the patient documents until she found the right name. âOhââ Her expression was all but satisfactory.
âWhat does that mean?â Yuta asked, a clear waver in his voice. He felt the blood in his veins run cold and cold beads of sweat form on his hairline.
The nurse ushered them towards a waiting roomâsecluded and coldâbefore telling them to sit down. âIâll need you to wait here, Iâll send you JiHoâs doctor immediately.â Before the boys could utter another word the nurse had run off already.
âHyung,â Haechan whispered as he softly poked Doyoungâs shoulder. The latter turned around to look at the younger man, revealing his bloodshot eyes to Haechan despite not having many tears rolling off his cheeks. âAre you okay?â
Doyoung shook his head. It was the clearest answer he had given since the phone call. âIâm not,â he then voiced his answer. âBut that doesnât matter. All that matters is JiHo.â
Haechan nodded, but felt like it was not right. It seemed like Taeyong felt the same way as he reached out to Doyoung and caressed his arm. âI understand, but you have to stay strong as well. JiHo needs you that way.â
The two best friends shared pained gazes between each other and although not by much, it still felt a bit comforting to Doyoung. His mind couldnât stop thinking about the what ifâs and the maybeâs, but at least he didnât feel alone.
âHello good sirs,â a doctor said as he approached the five men. He didnât share any other niceties and went straight to the point. âAs you know JiHo was in that car crash?â When the members nodded, the doctor continued, âas she was found much later she wasnât in good condition when we found her. She was still awake though not able to respond verbally. We brought her here and sheâs currently in surgery.â
âWhat took them so long?â Yuta asked as soon as the doctor finished speaking, but his tone didnât hold any hostility. He was genuinely curious as to why they had to suffer so long before being called to the hospital and could only imagine how long JiHo had to suffer alone in that car wreck.
The doctor made a gesture of acknowledgement and answered, âJiHo was found about an hour ago. We, the hospital staff, did think it was for the best to keep this information from the public until we found the family of the victim.â He let out a deep worrisome sigh which had the boys at the edge of their seats. âWhen the police found her and when she was brought into the hospital JiHoâs injuries were too severe to clearly identify her at first. The police couldnât find any other identification on her until they found her phone a few more metres away from the car. When they charged it they found your number in it and during the surgery one of the doctors recognised her as well,â he explained. âIâm sincerely sorry about how this process has been going so far.â
âDo we have any updates on her so far?â Taeyong asked and the doctorâs brows settled into another frown.
âJiHoâs condition is still unstable. The surgery is getting wrapped up by now, but just surgery alone wonât make her better. She needs a lot of rest and possibly more surgeries. Due to the severe trauma to the head we have decided to put her into a coma.â Doyoung gasped and jumped out of his chair at the news even if his legs felt like they could give in at any moment. âWithout it she wonât make it. She had been bleeding a long time before the police found her. Itâs a miracle she even stayed awake for that long.â
âHow big are the chances of her being back to normal with a coma?â Johnny asked.
Again the doctor sighed and placed a hand on Doyoungâs shoulder. âJiHoâs a really strong girl. The chances arenât zero, but it will be really hard for her.â Doyoung dropped his head at the words and scared that he might fall, the doctor gripped both of the idolâs shoulders to keep him up. âIt all depends on how hard she fights and seeing the support she has Iâm sure sheâll put up a great fright.â
Without many more words said, the doctor excused himself and left the room. A nurse informed them that they could go visit JiHo in her room in about 10 minutes from then and offered to bring Doyoung some water since he started to look very pale. The members politely declined the offer and sat in the room waiting for any developments.
Chapter VII:
A droning in her head woke JiHo up. As she tried to open her eyes she was only met with blackness. At first she wasnât sure she had even opened her eyes, but as she started to make up the interior of the car she realised it was just dark outside.
Her phone had been placed on the passengerâs seat along with the envelopes, but when she looked to her right instead of seeing those items, she was met with what looked like a branch of a tree. The passengerâs side window was indeed shattered and several branches and bushes were covering that side of the car, making it even darker inside.
With a sigh JiHo went to lean her head on the window on her side only to notice that the glass had also shattered. âFuck,â she whispered tiredly. A piece of shattered glass had grazed the side of her head, not quite enough to leave a cut or even a scratch, but it was the contact of the glass and her skin that caused all the feeling in her body to return.
JiHo felt a hot stream of liquid on the side of her head. It didnât take much for JiHo to realise it was blood, her own blood, that covered one side of her face. She tried to move her hand to press the wound shut, but her limbs felt unusually heavy.
âOh God, please helpââ she tried to pray but her words got cut when she heard something in the distance. She noticed the sound of her phone, someone was calling her but she couldnât pick up. Her phone wasnât in the car, the distance of the sound made her realise that.
JiHo didnât know how long she was in the car. She had heard a lot of noise coming from the distance, and what sounded like sirens, but when she was still there after the sun started to come up she wasnât sure if she had only imagined it.
Despite the sun coming up, her vision hadnât gotten any clearer. The temperature in the car had dropped significantly from the night as the warmth the car had provided escaped through the shattered windows. Thankfully she was still wearing warm clothes and the pain in her limbs and head were still providing her some semblance of warmth. The sun which just hid her windshield provided a little warmth as well.
At this point JiHo could hear her phone ring more often. It was almost as if the sound was teasing her. She couldnât see her phone and even if she could, she wouldnât be able to reach out. At some point she felt like she was getting delusional. She couldnât possibly be hearing her phone, she normally put it on silent anyway. Yet she wanted to believe her members were worried about her. Although she remembered the way she ran out of Yutaâs room and thought that maybe she had acted a bit childish. Yuta must have had his reasons, and JiHo started to understand why he possibly did what he did.
The ringing sound of the phone was drowned out by a sudden ruckus. It sounded like a group of people, but not one of the voices sounded familiar to her.
âThereâs someone here!â was all JiHo could really make out between all the shouts and for the first time that night she was sure that she at least wasnât imagining those people. She could hear them, she could feel them and eventually she could see them. âHey, are you okay? Can you hear me?â
JiHo only blinked in response, not having the energy and seemingly not even the ability to respond verbally. âSheâs awake! We need to get her out nowâŚâ The man continued to speak to the other people, but JiHo could only focus on the fact that he looked so much like Johnny. He wasnât as tall and he didnât look as fit as Johnny, but his facial structure reminded her a lot of him. âHey, weâll get you out of here. Just stay awake, hmm?â
That was the last thing she heard before she closed her eyes, hoping that she was in caring hands, hoping she would be reunited with her family soon.
Chapter VIII:
âYou can go inside now, but I suggest only three people go in at a time,â the nurse told the group. At this point in time, the other four members had arrived at the hospital. The mood in the waiting room had grown indescribably cold after Taeyong had explained the whole situation to the others. That also gave the first five to arrive a moment to take everything in once again and it didnât make it easier.
âDoyoung?â Taeil called for him and motioned in the direction of JiHoâs room. The younger one shook his head though and slumped back in his chair.
âI think Iâll go last,â he told them. âI need to mentally prepare for this.â
Although everyone knew he could never be preparedânone of them couldâthey didnât refute his comment and let three other members go in first.
Taeil went in with Mark and Jaehyun. They stayed in the room for about five or ten minutes before they walked back out. They didnât say anything and no one asked anything either. All that was clear was that the three looked more defeated, more tired, more sad after they went inâno words were needed to notice that.
The next three were Jungwoo, Haechan and Taeyong. They stayed inside for a little longer than the previous three and when they came outside Taeyong had to support a sobbing Jungwoo to the waiting room. He tended to him for a bit before Jungwoo suggested heâd go outside and get some air.
âIâm coming with you. I think I need to get out of here for a little while,â Mark commented and helped Jungwoo get up from his seat. The two friends walked side by side towards the exit at the end of the hallway.
Once they were gone Taeyong turned to the last three. Johnny gave him a small nod before heading in with Yuta under his arm. Hesitantly Doyoung called for Taeyongâs attention, âhow is she?â
Taeyong sighed deeply. âWellâŚâ he mused. âIt looks like sheâs just sleeping,â he explained and Doyoung nodded although he seemed a bit apprehensive. âShe looks a little pale and I donât like it that I canât see her smile right now. She looks a lot prettier when she smiles,â Taeyong chuckled sadly as he tried to hold back tears. âShe almost doesnât look like herself, but I can recognize those freckles and birthmarks anywhere.â
Doyoung didnât say anything as he looked in the direction of JiHoâs room. Johnny and Yuta were already inside, but Doyoung couldnât get himself to move. âYou need to go see her,â Taeyong said firmly, yet his voice still held sympathy and enough gentleness. It was enough for the others to share a look before deciding they should leave the two alone.
âI donât think I can,â Doyoung answered honestly once Jaehyun, Taeil and Haechan left the room. âI donât think I can see her today.â
Taeyong pressed his eyes shut as he fought his inner turmoil before taking a step closer to Doyoung. âIf you donât see her todayâŚâ
âWhat?â Doyoung snapped his head at the leader. âWhat are you saying? Sheâs not going to die, Taeyong!â
âYou donât know that,â Taeyong said exasperated.
âI do! Even if itâs 0.0001 chance itâs not impossible! Sheâll survive!â Taeyong let his friend heave in silence. He did not speak, leaving Doyoung with his thoughts and concerns. âThey said she wouldnât have been awake for so long, but she was. Sheâs strong enough to get through this.â
âShe did that because she wanted us to go see her. Doyoung if you see her stateââ
âNo! I donât want to! Sheâll be fine,â Doyoung yelled and let his tears run freely. He could barely see Taeyong through his blurred vision, but tried to look him straight in the eyes. âI need her to be fine, Taeyong.â
âSo you just wonât see her? Why?â
Doyoung sobbed as he tried to answer Taeyong, who seemed eerily calm, but the truth was he just felt so lost and scared he didnât know how to act. âI donât want the last time I see her to be like this. I want to remember her being happy,â Doyoung whispered to broken cries.
âDoyoung,â Taeyong called out for him as he placed his hand on his arm. âI know it's hard, but⌠This could be the last time you see herâ alive,â he choked on his last words. Just as he said it, Doyoung had looked up to make eye contact once again, but upon hearing those words, he fell down to his knees and shook his head.
âNo, no, noâŚâ he chanted to himself in pain.
âIâll be by your side okay?â Taeyong whispered comfortingly and caressed his friendâs arms. The two sat there for a bit before deciding to finally get up. However, just as they were about to turn to the hallway a group of people started rushing through the hallway.
âDoctor! Room 245!â Doyoung and Taeyong looked at each other with horror in their eyes as a group of doctors and nurses headed towards the called room, the number being too familiar.
Taeyong and Doyoung both stood frozen before Yuta and Johnny walked out of the room with extremely pale complexions. âWhatââ
Before Taeyong could even ask his question Yuta shook his head. âI donât know, Iâ I donât know, I donât know,â like a broken record he kept repeating the words. Even when Taeyong told him to pull himself together, all he could say was âI donât knowâ.
âDefibrillator needed in room 245!â
Doyoung stopped right in his tracks as he tried to walk towards the room before. He felt his body become instantly cold and he felt his breath get taken away. His palms were sweaty despite feeling freezing cold and his body started shivering. The tears that ran down his cheeks felt as if they were burning the skin beneath them. All he could do was watch as doctors ran into the room behind big medical equipment. Doyoung fell to his knees, not realising the blood curdling scream he let out yelling for his little sister, before his whole world became blurry and then turned black completely.
Chapter IX:
âIâll stay with you no matter what,â JiHo smiled brightly as she traced shapes in the palm of Doyoungâs hand. âYou donât think you can get rid of me do you?â She giggled.
Doyoung didnât respond, neither did he look at her.
âI donât like it when you ignore me and youâve been doing that a lot lately,â she pouted, but it was soon followed by another giggle.
Doyoung sighed. He felt exhausted, but he knew this wouldnât stop. So he opened his eyes and looked at the girl sitting on the side of his bed. She immediately smiled upon catching his gaze and commented on it, âyou look like youâve seen a ghost.â
The boy hadnât slept in days, his complexion was void of its natural colour and his eyes were dull. âAre you still not going to talk to me?â
Again no answer.
JiHo dramatically sighed, throwing her head back before leaning in really closely. All Doyoung could see were her eyes. The colours were still familiar and bright, but something wasnât quite the same as before.
âI wonât stop bothering you until you answer! I wonât leave you alone! Even if you get sick of me!â JiHo sang in a childish voice as if she was testing his patience. Doyoung only blinked at her. âI promise you! I wonât leave you alone until you talk to me. Will you not talk to me?â
Doyoung wanted to answer with a no, but he didnât. He didnât want to talk to her. He didnât want to give in even if his whole body, his heart and mind were telling him to talk to her.
âYou wonât talk?â JiHo nodded her head before sitting back up straight. She tucked away her hair behind her ears and patted down her white dress before quickly reaching out for Doyoungâs hand again to continue tracing her nonsensical patterns. âThen Iâll stay here and continue to bother you,â she sang to no one in particular, but with a raised brow and a sly peak in Doyoungâs direction he knew she said to get a reaction out of Doyoung. âFine⌠Iâm not leaving though.â
Doyoung closed his eyes, to suppress the tears in his eyes from falling and smiled softly to himself. Donât leave. Thatâs all I want. For you not to leave.
Epilogue:
âThey found JiHoâs letters,â Taeil said as he walked inside the dorm. He dropped a stack of envelopesâsome looking rougher than othersâon the table. âJiHoâs biological parents sent the rest over that JiHo had sent them. I havenât read them yet. Yuta has and he said you might want them.â
Doyoungâs eyes followed Taeilâs figure as he sat himself down on the couch. He took a few moments before turning his gaze to the envelopes. âHow did they find them? I mean the letters that her biological parents didnât send.â
The question wasnât so heavy, yet the answer was and Taeil wasnât sure how to bring it. Johnny was with him when he heard the news and he was angry yet collected. When he went to tell the news to YutaâShotaro was with him at the timeâhe reacted very badly. The younger Japanese member had to calm him down which was a struggle.
Now he was facing another obstacle. He was sure Doyoung wouldnât take to the news well. âThey caught the guy,â he stated simply.
âThe guy? Who?â
Taeil pressed his lips together, not wanting to actually say it, but Doyoung needed to know. âThe guy that caused the hit and run. Well⌠Heâs actually the guy who caused the fire in JiHoâs apartment that timeââ Taeil flinched at Doyoungâs loud gasp. The older of the two was almost afraid Doyoung was going to hit him with how he suddenly jumped up to the front of his seat towards him. âHeâuhmâdid it on purpose.â
âHow did he know where she was going?â Doyoung asked and Taeil was actually surprised, yet confused, with how calm Doyoung was.
âHeâs a sasaeng. Had so much stuff on JiHo. I donât know the details, but he was either following her or he must have had a tracker on her. Heâs put into custody right now.â
Doyoung jumped up and pulled at his hair in frustration and disbelief. âSasaeng?! All he did was attempt to kill her! Why would he evenâUGH!â
Taeil sighed and put his head into his hands, propped up against his thighs. âI donât knowâ Doyoung,â he called out when he noticed him pacing in front of him. âThe police will do their job, but I need you to read this. Shotaro and Yuta translated it, but I think the other thing thatâs inside is more important.â
Doyoungâs eyes darted from Taeilâs to the letter and back at him. The older one gave him a nod to urge him to grab it. He hesitated for a few more seconds before taking it. It was a clean letter, no tears or creases, just a simple ivory envelope with a bit of weight to it. Aside from the main letter, Yuta and Shotaroâs translation was added on a separate piece of paper. Doyoung chuckled, comparing Yutaâs still neat handwriting to JiHoâs elegant one. JiHo always had great penmanship even back in 2018 when the letter was dated.
    Mr. and Mrs. Dubois
    You still havenât answered any of my letters. At first I was disappointed, but I understand now. You gave me up because you didnât want children, so maybe you despise the fact Iâm writing to you now. Or you moved into another building and my letters arenât reaching youâI have reasons to believe otherwise though, because my niece is still in contact with you and told me this is not the case. Whatever it might be that makes you ignore me, today it doesnât bother me as much.
  As you know I have debuted in my group now. At first I was a bit jealous of how close they were to their families and each other, but recently I started to feel like I belonged. I used to send you letters because I wanted a family that was close to me and didnât lie about not being able to visitâIâm sure my parents have their reasons, however, that doesnât change anything about me not being able to see them in real life.
  Yesterday me and my group members had dinner together and Doyoung called me his little sister. Yuta said he would still bother me like an older brother when we grow old and Taeyong said Iâm part of the family now. Maybe Iâm living in a temporary state of delight and tomorrow Iâll face the reality that Iâm just some girl who these talented people have to deal with, but today Iâm feeling happy. It doesnât matter, because I saw the sincerity in Doyoungâs eyes. He might have laughed after he said it, but he seems to really care about me.
  Johnny as well! He looks like a big scary guy but heâs the sweetest. He promised to let me drive his car when Iâm older, but Iâm guessing papa told him about aunt Danny because Johnny was a bit hesitant when I asked him about it again. You do know about aunt Danny right? She died in a car crash when she was really young. If you didnât know, I'm sorry to tell you right now⌠SO, papa told me I was never allowed to have my own car and that if I died in a car crash he would kill me. Pfft, that sounds a bit dumb no? Hahaha, I know heâs just worried, but something like that doesnât happen as much as people think.
  Iâm getting a bit off topic, so Iâll wrap it up quickly. Iâm super happy being around my members lately. They take good care of me and I feel like Iâm at home with them. Thatâs why I wanted to say that as long as Iâm feeling this way I wonât send any more letters. I always send you letters because I want a family, but I feel like they are here for me more than any of my actual family has ever been. That might sound a little rude, but I canât apologise for it. Itâs the truth.
    Stay well! I hope I donât have to send you any more letters
    - NCTâs Lim JiHo
Doyoung smiled sadly and pulled out the last item out of the envelope. It was a collage of pictures of her and the members of NCT back in 2018. Doyoung laughed when he saw the picture of JiHo and him wearing matching shirts with one of them saying âsisterâ and the other âbrotherâ and JiHoâs unamused face. At that time, he absolutely despised those shirts as well, but seeing JiHo hate them even more was amusing to him.
Doyoung bit back a teary smile as his eyes scanned all the pictures of JiHo with him and his members. Taeil had taken notice of that and sighed softly, âyouâre allowed to be happy and smile at those memories.â
Doyoung nodded, but continued to force his smile back down, âI know. It just feels inappropriate at the moment.â
âYouâre right,â Taeil said as he stood up. A confused look was plastered on Doyoungâs face as he eyed his older friend. âLetâs go visit JiHo.â Doyoung smiled softly and picked up his coat that had been thrown over the back of the couch.
The two werenât so quiet as they made their way to the front doorânot that they were trying to beâgarnering someoneâs attention. One of the bedroom doors in the hallway swung open, revealing a dishevelled Haechan. He eyed both men before his eyes widened. âAre you going to visit JiHo?â Taeil hummed in response. âIâm coming with you!â
The older two smiled as they watched Haechan stumble across the living room, grabbing his jacket from where he had abandoned it earlier. âWhy do you so eagerly want to come?â Doyoung inquired softly.
Haechan gasped and placed a hand on his chest. âWhy would I not want to come?â he countered, but both of his members didnât answer. âI justââ Suddenly Haechan had become a bit more bashful. âI had a dream about JiHo yesterday and I just felt like singing for her today. Maybe itâll make her smile,â he explained with red cheeks.
As Taeil cooed, Doyoung scoffed in amusement. âYou know she canât smileâ nor hear you, right?â
Haechan nodded, but after putting his shoes on pulled both of his hyungs out the front door. âI know, but maybe in spirit she will hear me and sheâll smile.â
Although Taeilâand the other membersâknew Haechan was hurting just as bad as the others, he couldnât help but admire how positive and strong Haechan had been. He really had become a source of strength for all the other members, even though he sometimes also needed a person to lean on.
Taeil looked at both of his younger members and couldnât suppress a smile and as he ruffled the youngestâs hair he answered him with, âIâm sure she willâ.
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masterlists: main masterlist || jiho.writings masterlist
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