in one of the dreams i had last night i was in a school cafeteria (of none of the schools i had ever been to. i think it was the cafeteria from the second kindergarten game where you have to groundhog each day until you can get each ending and there was that one character called nugget who was obsessed with chicken nuggets) and an old classmate i haven't talked to in a while told me how based and cringe are outdated words and everyone is now using hot and cold instead. i then spent like an hour in dreamtime posing like a philosopher pondering how weird it would be to call a lot of things hot and that i'd start using cold but hot's a no-go, all the while that i think katy perry song the hot and cold song like the “you're hot and you’re cold you’re yes and you're no you’re in and you're out” i feel like it could catch on. the base of hot and cold, in the dream, came from the hot and cold game where like you're close or far away. just like with the actual game there were, of course, variations to hot and cold like calling them scalding would be like calling them ultra mega based, and calling someone icy would be them being very cringe.

there’s a light-hearted insult in england, divvy, that i’ve never heard anyone outside of the northeast use. i sort of accepted it as just a word. you don’t really question words that often, but today i decided to question it to find out where it came from. i went into my (very short) search thinking it was either an offshoot of “dividend,” some bogus word money people would better explain, or some holdover from an older language. it was neither of these things. in the early 1800s mining was one of the only ways to make money in the northeast of england, and of course miners needed a light source. the most prominent lamp source in the early 19th century in the northeast was a lamp called the “scotch davy.” this lamp was prone to explosions in the mines and were generally a hazard to have on hand. in 1815, as an alternative to the scotch davy lamp, the geordie lamp was invented. the geordie lamp made it safer for everyone who was in the mines, as it was less prone to explosions. there were, of course, people who would being the outdated davy lamp into the mines. the davy lamps, even if the rest of the miners were using the geordie lamp, would be a danger for everyone. because of the danger the davy lamps produced for everyone who wasn’t using one, people we were using a davy lamp were mocked by being called by the name of the lamp, davy. over the last two centuries the name has changed to “divvy,” and generally refers to anyone doing something stupid.

the experiment failed horribly i didn’t get any attention from the haiku bot. what a complete waste of my very limited supply of letters. now i’m going to have to buy more

attempting honesty: the last two posts were a lure. a lure for ‘the bot.’

an offhand remark; i don’t enjoy using tags. it feels possessive

i should write a book. it probably won’t be good. but does that matter?

how do people drink it

haven’t slept in a while so thoughts are going mushy and i came up with a headcannon for zelda that statistically probably already exists but i don’t care. i came up with it while thinking about how fun it is to annoy zelda fans by calling link zelda. so firstly i will explain what i hope to convince you of throughout this; the legend of zelda is a metaphorical and literal transition story of ganon transitioning into zelda, with link being the space in-between when she was questioning her gender and felt too anxious to even speak. okay so i have like zero cold hard facts and, although i own and have access to a ton of zelda games, have only played like the tutorial to two of them. this may not be very well explained, but i do have the combined information of almost two decades worth of consuming creepypastas, game theories, and miscellaneous info on all of the games. first piece of evidence: the “three” of ganon, link, and zelda are all essentially soul bonded together through divine prophecies and such. it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that they all share a single, albeit fragmented, soul. this soul materialises as the triforce (i do not care about some goddesses that the triforce actually represent, the goddesses are just zeldas inner conscience. boom won.), the triforces being might (i think) for ganon, courage for link, and wisdom for zelda.  lets start with ganons piece of the triforce and work from there. so, ganon is linked to the “might” piece of the triforce, the piece that symbolises tyrannical rule, physical strength, a stalwart defence, and brutality. i think, again i haven’t played the games. with all my expertiese (that ebing none) i believe that ganon represents a stage in zeldas life where she was so far into the closet that she denied her true self and turned to crushing both herself and others. yes, i am saying that ganon is zelda from a time where in order to escape herself and ridicule that she believed could have been brought upon her by others, tried to swing harshly in the opposite direction. she embodied every toxic stereotype of masculinity, pushed other trans people down, and tried to project her self-hatred onto others. let’s leave gandalf here for now. enter, link. link, as the name suggests, is the transitionary period between rejecting herself and accepting herself. link’s triforce is the triforce of courage, the courage to reject all that you’ve been forced to be by an oppressive society, the courage to own up to your old mistakes and wrongdoings and try to rectify them, the courage to apologise and help others that are struggling, and the courage to be yourself. link, unlike ganon, embodies less of the stereotypical features associated with far end of toxic masculinity. link in many of their games has some form of lost innocence, i believe in one game, after saving the day, was unable to live with the rest of their kin as their actions caused them to age unlike the rest of their kin. i believe, metaphorically, that this is due to links uneasy transition from ganon. before being link they had already shown themself to be antagonistic to people who are questioning their genders. perhaps this is also a reason that link rarely, if ever, speaks. perhaps this could also be a significant reason for link’s undying will to fight back against ganon- link never wants to let ganon win again, link doesn’t want to return to being what they were before they finally started accepting themself, and they want to make amends for all the wrongs they did when they were ganon. perhaps the events of majora’s mask were link further questioning, and maybe becoming panicked, that they couldn’t figure themself out- and in blind fear started taking on the identities of people around them, as if putting on masks. and maybe, just maybe, heart canisters are a metaphor for taking estrogen. i don’t know how to justify this it just feels right. but after all that desperate searching- there stood geruda clan which link had to dress femme to enter. i believe this to be the moment that, after all the years spent questioning, link finally began to understand who they, she, really was on the inside. wearing clothes that affirmed the gender of the “zelda” hidden deep within and being accepted into a women’s-only space, even if link wasn’t doing it with the intentions of self-discovery to begin with, and even if it will take time for them to understand what that feeling truly was, it was there. again, i haven’t played botw, i only know about this whole thing from femboy link art. now onto zelda, after all the trials she had to go through, she finally accepted that this is who she is. the triforce of wisdom; enlightenment, knowledge, experience. zelda has all of this because she has experienced centuries of living in many different shoes trying to find the one that fit, until one finally did. but, even after coming this far, she knows she is still wearing those wacky-physics steel shoes also known as “ganon,” she knows that even if she did come this far what is behind her must still be amended, and even after all those decades she still works against her past self, trying to overcome the damage she, and others who were like her past selves, have done. she developed a way to speak with her past selves (because elf magic, duh) to try and help them on their journey to becoming her, but the only one that seemed to listen was when she was link, and thus she stood by the version of herself that finally was able to udnerstand right from wrong and against the version of herself who was still incpable and tried to make wrongs right. and then she transitioned and got magic powers and time travel and stuff, imma be honest i’m reaching at this point, i know basically nothing about zelda other than she’s a princess and what i’ve already written. i’m going to be honest i could come up with a shit ton more absolute word vomit like ganon being just slightly off from another anti-trans (basically anti-everything tbh) hate group but i don’t want to bloat it. so that’s my theory on trans zelda, hope you enjoyed. my eyes are throbbing and dry and i need to sleep.

all my takes have mellowed over the years and become lukewarm, working hard on re-radicalizing myself so i can be a nutter again and maybe even develop a personality

why does it seem like every person on this site is either; - an author of a book, - writing a book, - or planning to write a book?

tea review: green tea looks like piss and it leaves an aftertaste that latches to your tongue for hours that’s no different from dusty cardboard. it’s fine while you’re drinking it though, as long as it stays warm. once it stops being warm it has the aforementioned dusty cardboard taste. granted, this dusty cardboard taste could be the attributed to the handful of salt i decided to eat before finishing my tea.

why doesn’t every drink have those cute little umbrella toothpicks? why must it only be acceptable on fancy cocktails? 

how do animals without sweat glands stand for being unlubricated?

humans are flawed. solution: we should have eye tentacles. hear me out. eyelashes get stuck on your eye causing an irritant? well then you just release your eye tentacles from below your eyelids to brush them away without relying on rough fingers or hard fingernails. honestly it could work for even more situations too. in a lot of dangerous situations we spend a lot of our energy and mobility to move our arms over our eyes to protect them, if we had eye tentacles we’d be able to use them to shield our eyes from dangers. if it’s too bright and you’re trying to sleep and the light is getting through your fickly thin eyelids and preventing you from being able to sleep, then guess what? you have eye tentacles to thicken up your eyelids. when mucus forms in the corner of your eye and you spend energy at the start of the day picking it out, you could just have your eye tentacles do it for you. just have them flick it away. continuing; what if we made the eye tentacles longer, stronger too so they could handle mundane tasks around our head and face while keeping our hands free? how often do you have to move your hair out of your face or loose hairs around your face? well fret not because your eye tentacles can solve all your problems! evolution failed us by not giving us eye tentacles.

i coughed a lot on my monitor earlier today and i just found a bunch of red stains on it, but don’t worry i just burst a cherry and it’s juices flew onto the screen

do you think that right after we transitioned from caves to houses there were “cave hipsters” who tried to rebel against their cave parents by living in a cave instead of a house and it became a niche thing before they were eaten by cave bears. is hipsters the right way or is it a born in the wrong generation thing

it has been three months since i started watching critical role i am now on episode 2