It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 馃コ
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I am the dust of long-dead stars
I am an endless lullaby
I am a thousand stories unfolding
Infinite memories rewinding
I am a river flowing with the remains
Of all those who have passed me
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Take every memory ingrained in me
Erase it from my thoughts so I can sleep
I'd do anything to feel no pain
Name your price and take the past away
Take every memory ingrained in me
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When Did It Start Going Wrong?
I go back in time
Tracking down my life
Trying to figure out why I became so bitter
When did it start going wrong?
When did it start going wrong?
Was it when I took this job?
Was it when I stopped talking to God?
Or was it when he stopped answering my prayers?
Was it at school when the girls wouldn鈥檛 talk to me
Because I stopped giving them my homework?
Was it that road trip when I sat
Alone, crying, at the back of the bus?
Was it when I didn鈥檛 go to prom
Because I didn鈥檛 know what to wear?
Was it when I felt worthless
Because I wasn't the top of the class?
Was it when I yelled at my grandma
because she made my mother cry?
Was it when my favorite uncle passed away
Without having the chance to say goodbye?
Was it when I realized that I was a girl
And that it was why my father wouldn鈥檛 buy me a bike?
Was it the first time I fought with my brother?
Or the second time my mother said that I was fat?
Was it when the store stopped selling my favorite chocolate?
Was it when my kitten died?
Was it the first time I loved a boy
That didn鈥檛 love me back?
It goes back and back and back
To the day I was born
Maybe that鈥檚 when it all started going wrong
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There are so many different versions of me. As many as the people I have met in my life.
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I can't help feeling like my life is a dead end. Like hope is an illusion. Like it's all going downhill and there is nothing I can do about it.
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Introversion
I was tired of being alone
So I went out to the world
I met people
I made friends
I fell in love
And I was loved
I got hurt
And I hurt others too
I learned a great deal
But in the end
I just wanted to go back home
And be alone
All over again
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Monsters Under My Bed
Shadows on my walls
Monsters under my bed
And I can鈥檛 shut down
These voices in my head
I try to pray to God
But I don鈥檛 know what to say
And it鈥檚 not like he ever really listens
I close my eyes and leave this world for a while
But I wake to the same reality
With the same thoughts
And the same monsters under my bed
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Maybe if one thing had gone differently, I wouldn't have been awake at three in the morning, and my notebook wouldn't have been soaked with my tears.
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Every relationship is unique. You do not fall in love the same way twice. That's why every love is first love in its own way.
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I sleep and it's the last sentence on my tongue. I wake up and it's the first thought on my mind. I hope someone will hurt you the way you hurt me.
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It turns out that you are actually capable of love. You were just not capable of loving ME.
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I'm not grateful for my experience. It did not make me wiser or stronger. It just left me bitter. And whatever reason or meaning there might be behind it, it's not worth it. Nothing is worth that much pain and bitterness.
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I can't change the way you are. I can only change the way I feel about you.
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I just can't stop thinking why. Why did my heart have to get played like that? Was it necessary for the order of the universe? Couldn't it have spared me that part?
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I'm choking on all the things I didn't get the chance to say.
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I fought hard, but it was the wrong battle.
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