I make imaginary enemies

I cant tell if I'm just sad cause I'm sad or because I dont have my best friends light to support me...

I dont want to kill myself; I just dont really feel like living

I dont know if I'm doing things anymore cause I like to or if I'm being told I like to. Like everyone likes to tell me I'm so good at art and that I should like art and pursue a career or do something with art but I dont really know if I like art anymore. I dont really know if I like anything anymore. I dont know if I like dance, I dont know if I like art, I dont know if I like cooking. I used to love these things but I'm not so sure anymore. I feel like I'm almost being forced to like some of these things now. It almost feels like a chore sometimes.

So I've been doing some self reflecting and I was just wondering, how do I be less obnoxious? 🤷‍♀️

I’ve only said “I love you” to 3 people.

Since day one I've always been a day late and a dollar short

Wanting to kill yourself and thinking no one cares about you, but restraining from hurting yourself because you don't want to hurt those around you

You are a toxicity that burns me when you near me. I try to leave you, and you beg me to stay. We continue to play this maddening game. I hate how I am so naive to believe that you will change. I don't want to stay.

“When you have nothing to offer, people start to forget about you.”

—

“I feel myself shutting down, closing off, like I should tell people, ‘No, we don’t use this heart anymore. It’s too fragile.”

— Courtney C. Stevens, The Lies About Truth

trying on clothes is really hard when you hate yourself. liking someone is really hard when you hate yourself. eating is really hard when you hate yourself. life is really hard when you hate yourself

I'm tired of being nice, it is so draining. I wish I could just call people out left and right and stop dealing with everyone's bullsh*t. I'm tired of giving to many chances, when I know what there stance is. I'm tired of crying all the time. I'm tired of trying hard to get what I want, but still told I'm not good enough. I'm tired of putting an effort in when nobody shows me any. I'm tired of listening and not being listened too. I'm tired of walking on egg shells when I talk to you. I'm tired of having dreams of things I'll never achieve. I'm tired of giving a dang about what people think. I'm tired of kissing *ss. I'm tired of not making the team. I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being put down. I'm tired of being insecure. I'm tired of living. I'm tired of everything. I am just plain tired.

I always am the one to get hurt in the end.

you know what’s more freeing than killing yourself? running away to a small town and getting a job as a waitress. buying a cheap car and sticking a bed in the back and driving southwest. adopting a cat. learning a new instrument. moving apartments. visiting a friend in another city. chopping all your hair off.

you can kill your current life without dying. you can kill this version of you and make a new one.

maybe I’m just a bipolar sucker for rebirth but sometimes that thought is all that keeps me alive

“I hate this feeling. Like I’m here, but I’m not. Like someone cares. But they don’t. Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here, and escape lies just past that snowy window, cool and crisp as the February air.”

— Ellen Hopkins, Crank