Entry n#2: Oops I forgot I made this sideblog

Life's been in a wrestling match with me.

Financial problems at home, poor mental health of all my family members, which has resulted in abusive behaviour, trying to fix my relationship with food, because otherwise I might fall down the path of a dangerous eating disorder, trying to fix my body image as well, not getting accepted into the university program I wanted to go to blah blah blah blah...

Too much

I mean, most of my personal tries are going pretty well, but I'm really worried, that the low amount of income I'm going to be living on, when I start university, won't be enough for an acceptable amount of food. Consequentialy, I'm worried that my disordered eating might kick in full force. You could say, get a job, but the problem is, that my classes strech from 8am to 8pm every fricking day, which leaves me on a very low budget of a veeery modest scolarship compared to the prices of rent around here, and no time to work along with my studies. There's no way my parents can financialy support me right now, so the scolarship has to do the job. I'm stuck between following my dreams and giving into the pressure of my financial situation. I find myself thinking, that I've lost my chance and it's time for me to move away, suck it up, get a miserable job, and let my younger brother fullfil his dreams instead. We're both starting different types of art schools this year. He's going to a musical high school, I'm going to study sculpture at the academy of visual arts and design. I know I shouldn't think like that, but it truly gets the best of me sometimes. I know I' ll somehow manage, but sometimes I just want to give up.

Every step right now is just so freaking hard.

I wish I had some kind of help, something I could lean on, somebody that would kick me in the ass and tell me I'm an idiot, and that everything's going to be just fine, and I'll manage... I mean... People have gone through worse... Lot's of students are probably in my situation right now, but I still feel like I'm the only one, stuck alone and lost.

Everything's floating in nowhere space.

Entry n#1: Introduction

Hello world. 

Welcome to the shit hole of miracles.

Anyway,

I am not special. I am no different than anyone else on this social network, on this web, on this Earth, and in this universe. I’m a kid, trying to finish high school and face her little life. 

Just a small town girl in a world too big for her little feet. Hm, sounds like a corny Disney movie. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case lol. 

I decided to start this blog to help me out with my journey of finding self love, myself and the balance within me. 

You see, my life is, and always was full of uncertainty. I was lost for a whole eternity, looped within it self, and I think I might finally be on my way out.

 A new thread of time is starting, but in order for that to happen I must be the one to allow it. Without my permission, the loop won’t ever end.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN