whiskey-bumblebee - Tumblr blog

whiskey-bumblebee · 2 days

Text

good luck, babe!

Pairing: Elle Greenaway/Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~1600

Warnings: Internalized homophobia, sad ending

A/N: I could not tell you where this came from but here it is

In the dark, alone, in the middle of nowhere, always looking over her shoulder; these were the moments you had with Elle, but you'd rather have a little bit of her than none at all. Her lips were warm and soft against your own, and you laughed quietly when you reached up to touch your lips and found her lipstick there. You wanted to leave it, you wanted it to stay there forever, until the investigators you worked with finally put two and two together. Her shade, your mouth. Proof.

Proof that you weren't imagining it all, that you had her, even if nobody knew that you did. You felt like everyone knew she had you, thought that it would be obvious by the way you looked at her when she was talking, like she was a comet and you were the astronomer who had spent your life looking for it.

Your lips must have stilled, mind too busy to remember what you were doing, and Elle pulled away.

"What?" You said, as if you didn't know what the problem was.

Now that her eyes were open, she looked down at your lips and passed you a tissue from her center console.

"We should go."

You looked at your watch. "You still have a few hours left of the stakeout. What if he turns up right after we leave?"

"I have a bad feeling."

"About him or about us?"

She frowned at you. It always made you feel like a child, the patience and grace of the cool older kid having run out. Silent, rejected. There was nothing you could do to convince her.

Her phone rang.

"Still awake?"

It was Hotch.

"I think I might call it a night. There's no movement."

"Morgan and Reid are on their way there so you two can get some sleep. I'll see you back at the station at eight."

You groaned. That was barely three hours from now.

Elle's eyes shot over to you, and she muted the phone quickly.

"Elle? Is someone with you?"

"Shut up," She hissed at you, before unmuting the call.

"Just the windshield wipers, I think they're out of fluid."

You heard Hotch hum affirmatively over the line.

"Morgan should be there soon. Bye."

Elle snapped her phone shut, then looked back at you.

"What the fuck? Are you trying to get us caught?"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"Get out."

"What? We're miles from the hotel, Elle-"

"Walk a couple of blocks that way. I'll pick you up when Morgan gets here."

"It's freezing out there."

Elle rested her head in her hands.

"Do you want to explain to Morgan why you're here, with me, when you're supposed to be sleeping?"

"No, but-"

"Get out. I'll pick you up soon."

You felt your face falling and got out of the car before Elle could see your lip wobbling and your brow furrowing. Hot, frustrated tears spilled over your cheeks and you wiped them away roughly with the corner of your sleeve. You walked fast. You couldn't remember which way the hotel was, but it didn't matter.

___

"C'mon Elle, there has to be somebody," Penelope smiles.

She's looking everywhere except you, and it stings like a slap to the face.

She opens her phone and pulls out a picture of her kissing some guy's cheek. The background is blurry, but it looks like a bar somewhere. The next photo is her smiling widely, her arm wrapped around his neck as he laughs. You feel like you're going to be sick.

"It never lasts," She grins, with a shrug. "Just the way I am, I guess."

"Or the job," JJ interjects. "It's hard, with these hours."

"That too." Elle raises her drink. "Well, here's to my girls."

Nobody notices that your smile doesn't reach your eyes when you clink your glass against theirs.

___

In a bout of desperation, you have a dozen red roses delivered to the BAU, with nothing but a heart written on the tiny card. All you want is for Elle to look at you, to blush, to thank you, to acknowledge that you exist. While you were sitting at your desk, waiting for the delivery, you made the mistake of imagining an even better outcome: Elle running across the bullpen, arms wide open, and planting a kiss on your mouth in front of everyone. She gives some speech, saying that she doesn't care who sees, she doesn't care what they think anymore. The two of you laugh and rest your heads against each other, smelling the roses.

It's a mistake.

"It's a mistake," Elle shakes her head, looking the card over. "Wrong address."

She drops the roses easily into the bin beside her desk, and turns back to her computer.

JJ stares at her. "I could take them. If you're just going to throw them away."

"They're not mine," Elle says harshly.

"Well, someone should enjoy them." JJ stoops down and picks up the stems tenderly, and Elle wrests them from her grasp, tearing the card from the cellophane.

That attracts everybody else's attention again.

Elle crumples the card into a ball and puts it on the far corner of her desk.

"Elle? Everything okay?" Gideon asks, halfway through a file.

"It's fine. I just don't think we should be reading a card that was meant for someone else."

JJ tenderly presses the roses back into their original position, and the way that she's being so careful with them is somehow the thing that breaks you.

A couple of sobs tear their way from you before you can make it out of the bullpen, and it's Reid who finds you in one of the interrogation suites, fighting for air. You're crying like your heart is broken, and you just hope to god he can't tell.

"I'm just," You take a deep breath. "I'm just on my period. And I think it's so sad that the person they're meant for won't get them."

Reid is so taken aback that he just clears his throat and nods. When you make your way back to your desk, you can tell that everyone is watching, like you're an animal who's been hit by a car but is still trying to cross the road. The roses are in a vase on JJ's desk, and there's Midol and chocolate on yours.

"Reid told us you were-" Elle says, and you can tell from her tone that she'll never forgive you. She nods at the painkillers. "Hotch got them for you."

Hot embarrassment burns in your veins, and you don't know how you'll ever be able to show your face here again.

Later, Elle corners you in the bathroom, her back against the door so no-one else can come in.

"This," She gestures between you and her. "-is over. That was insane."

"Elle-"

She turns to leave.

"There was never anything here anyway!" You yell, not caring who hears. "A million times, I asked what I meant to you, and you never told me. You never said 'I love you'. We hide in parked cars in dark alleyways and you're so goddamn embarrassed of me that you never even look at me. Half the time I feel like you wish I was dead. Like I'm this inconvenience that you tolerate. One day you're going to wake up in a loveless marriage with some guy who thinks you're the love of his life, and he's going to buy you roses and you're going to swallow it all down and smile and pretend you're happy and you won't be! You'll be fucking miserable because you can't accept that you and I are the same," You're breathless as you finish, and your shoulders are heaving. "You can't accept that you love women like you think you should love men. And God, if you lose me, that's fine, because I know you don't give a damn, but fuck, I don't want to watch my best friend lose the rest of her life because she can't look in the mirror and call things what they are."

She's silent, the door slightly ajar. You'd been watching her face so intently that you hadn't noticed that she'd opened it.

You close your eyes, take a breath, and push past her, slipping through the door. You know she won't chase you. You've run a million times and she never has. A thousand ultimatums never changed anything.

Hotch is right outside, staring, his mouth agape.

You throw your gun and badge at his feet, and leave without a second glance. He's calling your name, but you don't hear Elle's under his baritone, so you don't care.

There's a sick feeling of relief, of freedom, as you unlock your car door and drive home, knowing all of the things that had been certain this morning are in the past now, knowing that all of a sudden, none of your tomorrows will look like today or the day before. The BAU is in your rearview mirror, and you know it'll stay there. You know that as soon as you make it home, it'll all come crashing down, all of the grief, all of the ending-feelings landing at once, all of the last two years imploding. You'll never wake up next to her again. All of the almosts, all of the 'maybe she'll change', the uncertainty finally answered. And it's not the answer you wanted, but at least it's an answer. But for now, you're driving with the windows down, and with every breath you take, you remember what you deserve. You remember that it looks nothing like Elle.

#elle greenaway #criminal minds #elle greenaway/reader #elle/reader #elle greenaway x reader #reader insert #fanfic #my writing

13 notes · View notes

whiskey-bumblebee · 2 days

Text

guys i think im writing an elle fic

0 notes

whiskey-bumblebee · 8 days

Text

i want to say such hateful things about that blonde woman’s music but i’ll just do my puzzle instead

273 notes · View notes

whiskey-bumblebee · 11 days

Text

#me and who

1K notes · View notes

whiskey-bumblebee · 11 days

Text

there's apparently a theory that taylor swift is going to release not one but two albums and if that's the case, what is she gonna call the second one. moderate will foraging?

#taylor swift #the tortured poets department #tpd #good will hunting #dead poets society

3 notes · View notes

whiskey-bumblebee · 13 days

Photo

BREAKING: Andrew Ilnyckyj and Adam Bianchi join Watcher! The trio will produce and star in a brand new food show. “We picked up where we left off with Worth It, but we’re also making something completely new,” Andrew shared.

More info to come this Friday with other major announcements.

#omg amazing!!!

4K notes · View notes

whiskey-bumblebee · 14 days

Photo

241K notes · View notes

whiskey-bumblebee · 14 days

Text

I was such a sad lonely little girl Sumtimes I feel lik the rest of me got bigger but the inside of me is still the girl on playground w no friends … Sumtimes when I walk around I feel lik 1 Big Tear

14K notes · View notes

whiskey-bumblebee · 15 days

Text