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vennysbottom · 3 years

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I don’t need it (part 2)

Wilhemina Venable x FemReader

Words: 4K

warning: eating disorders, angst

Part 1

Request: Hi! Would you consider doing a follow up to that “I don’t need it” fic? Maybe where Venable does a little aftercare / body care for the reader who is body-conscious because of her eating disorder? I understand if it’s too triggering tho 😣 but Venable is such a force she’d take wonderful care of the reader 💜 [@serawalkerwrites]

A/N: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: please, please, please, do not read this if there’s a chance of it triggering you. I wrote this to get out of my head and would hate for it to make any of you feel worse. Also, I’m sorry if this isn’t what you were hoping for. I have no idea what happened but it is what it is I guess.

A few weeks have passed since your girlfriend found out about your eating disorder. To say that she was worried would be an understatement. She had watched every documentary, every youtube video and had read an awful lot of articles on the topic in an attempt to understand what you were going through. But the truth is, she didn’t. As much as she tried to, she couldn’t see your point; after all, it was just food.

She’s been taking care of you the best she knew how. Each day, she made sure that you ate while she was at work and tried to check in with you whenever she wasn’t drowning in paperwork. And you didn’t make it exactly easy; some days, you’d flip out and yell at her and on some days, you’d just ignore her altogether. She knew it was important not to push you too much, but the fact that there was a chance of you dying scared the living shit out of her. And since you refused to see a doctor, you left her no choice but to be stern with you.

All of the effort Wilhemina put in seemed to suffocate you. It made you feel like a child; like you had no say in the matter. So, naturally, it made you cling on to your disorder even more.

——————————————————————————

Your chest tightened as you threw your hands above your head once more, your muscles already sore and your lungs burning. You dropped to the floor and tried to catch your breath. The pounding in your head got louder as your heart desperately tried to keep up with you. You could feel yourself getting dizzy, signalling that your workout was “successful”. You slowly laid down on the wooden floor to give yourself some time to calm down. You knew it wasn’t worth it, your entire body was screaming at you, begging you to stop. But since you were forced to eat every day now, you didn’t have a lot of options. The disorder didn’t have a lot of options, making you do cardio as a result, even though you hated it.

You took a deep breath in and slowly got up to take a shower. If Wilhemina were to discover what you were doing while she was at work, she’d definitely have a punishment ready in seconds, and not the good kind. She'd most likely force you to call her in between classes and not let you out of her sight at home.

The thing was, ever since she found out, she’s been very careful with you, almost afraid of hurting you. The whole situation was clearly taking a toll on her too, so you thought it better to just brush this off. But you just couldn't shake off the feeling of being a burden, of being too much for her to handle. You knew she had her plate full and, as much as she loved you, having to keep an eye on you was work; forcing herself to be hard on you was work. And you not being able to cooperate was slowly draining her energy even more.

You stared at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, it seemed almost impossible to take your eyes off the person looking back at you. As weird as it may sound, it just wasn't you. It has become so hard to recognise yourself, your mind completely separating reality and the delusions you believed. You tried to wash off the look of exhaustion, sadly to no avail. The dark circles under your eyes have become permanent and no amount of sleep seemed to get rid of them.

Just as you were putting on your sweater, you heard the sound of the front door opening downstairs. You walked out of the bedroom, your eyes locking immediately with Wilhemina, who was just taking off her coat. In your surprise, a soft “You're home early,” left your lips.

The look on your girlfriend’s face quickly made you realise just how cold it must've sounded.

“Well, I’ve missed you too,” she said with an offended expression.

You approached her and, taking her one free hand in both of yours, you pulled her closer. “I didn't mean it like that,” you whispered, looking into her eyes. Her expression softened before she pulled you into a kiss, placing her hand on your cheek and unknowingly giving you a short glimpse of why life was still worth living. Small moments like these, they gave life meaning.

As you parted, there was a slight smile that you left on Wilhemina's lips.

“Do you want some tea?” you asked knowing she often needed some slowing down after a day at work. “More like a glass of wine,” she said with a slight sigh. Your hand still clinging to hers, you lead her to the kitchen.

“That bad huh?” you asked as you reached for a glass and started searching for an already open bottle. “They’ve been particularly dumb today. All of them. One of the interns messed up an order that was supposed to be delivered today, another employee quit on me and, -” Wilhemina’s voice suddenly cut off, making you turn around. Her vents were never that short and you knew that there had to be more to make her crave alcohol in the middle of the afternoon.

She was standing just a few steps away; her body was facing you but her eyes were looking elsewhere. You froze when you realised what she was looking at - the dirty plate and food container you left in the sink.

“You finished all of it?” the sound of her voice snapped you out of your panicked thoughts. You could not tell what was going through her head due to her neutral intonation. You smiled in her direction and said, “You’re a great cook, what can I say?” before turning back around and pouring her a glass of red. You could feel her eyes on you, almost burning your skin with their intensity.

Wilhemina wanted to believe you, she truly did. There was nothing that would make her happier at that point in time than knowing that you were getting better. But unfortunately for you, she was naturally sceptical of everything.

Her intuition kicking in, she didn't hesitate to question, “You threw it away, didn’t you?”

You were fucked, there was no point in denying now. The memory of you flushing the whole thing down the toilet just hours prior filled your head, causing your heart to sink with guilt. You hated yourself for doing it, for making things even harder than they were. But despite being defeated before an argument even started, you had to give it a shot.

You turned around to face her again, prepared to lie about everything, prepared to lie to her face. But seeing her in front of you, her hands resting on top of the metal raven head and fingers anxiously tapping, silently scolding you with her look as she looked you straight in the eyes, made you drop your intentions. You handed her the glass before answering a whispered, “No,” and quickly looking away.

She took a step in your direction and, with a slow movement of her index finger under your chin, made you look at her again. “Y/N…” she said softly, “Do not lie to me.”

You took a shaky breath in, trying to find the words. But there were none, you couldn't think of a single thing to say. The only thing you could think of was how badly you wanted to apologise, and yet nothing came out. Wilhemina could see it, all of it. She knew you didn’t mean the things you did and knew that you were sorry. The truth was, she didn't care about the food being thrown out, she cared about the fact that you hadn't eaten that day. She tenderly stroked your cheek before saying, “Okay, what do you want?”.

“What?” you whispered in confusion.

“I’m making you dinner. Any preferences?” she said as if it was the clearest thing.

——————————————————————————

You spent the next hour sitting on the counter watching your girlfriend cook while she told you about her day. It was a way for her to calm down and she knew it distracted you from your thoughts, which was very much needed.

“Are you listening?” the question rang in your ears like bells, bringing you back from your zoned out state. You shook your head, trying to get rid of the fog inside and asked her to repeat herself. She smiled at the situation and, handing you a glass of wine, went on, “I asked if you wanted to watch a movie tonight.”

As much as you adored seeing her smile, you couldn't shake off the feeling of being babied. Not long ago, you would've gotten at least a quip for not paying attention. Wilhemina could be unintentionally mean from time to time, but you've learned to see the fun of it and right now it felt like she shoved that part of your relationship away for the fear of hurting you. But could you blame her?

Seeing how cute you looked, already a little tipsy from the wine, Wilhemina gave in and agreed to watch Coraline with you that evening. She secretly liked the movie too, as she did most spooky things, but would always complain about how childish it was and how “the kid should be grateful for having parents at all”.

You knew her remarks and the comfort of knowing the film would take your mind off of eating. That was until the wine started to wear off and you fully came to your senses. Your anxiety picked up, making it impossible to fight the feeling of being stuffed. It felt too mechanical to bring the food to your lips and the chewing part was even worse. Halfway through the movie, you decided to just put the plate aside, instead of playing with the fork.

Looking back at your girlfriend, you saw that she was not happy about it, her disapproving look almost making you shiver. But after seeing the struggle and defeat in your eyes, she reached for your hand instinctively and pulled you closer. Your thoughts were getting louder by the minute, despite your efforts to pay attention to anything else, despite being close to Mina. You knew she was disappointed, but the feeling of your stomach being weighed down, of being filled to its full capacity, made you sick. It felt unclean, wrong; but most of all, it felt unsafe.

Noticing how you haven’t stopped fidgeting with your fingers since putting the meal down, Wilhemina kissed the top of your head lovingly before asking, “How about I run you a bath?”

_______________________________________________

You stood barefoot on the cold tiles of your bathroom floor, slightly leaning against the sink while you waited for the bathtub to fill with water. The only sound to be heard was the humming of water as the air filled with the smell of lavender. It seemed almost painful to Mina, but you were too stuck in your head to pay it any mind. Your eyes were fixated on the mirror in front of you as you exhaustively checked your body for what seemed like the hundredth time just that day. Although there were plenty of things you could have worried about, your brain was stuck on your stomach, thighs and face; it was stuck on the fact that your ribs weren’t showing enough, on the lack of a thigh gap and the prominent bags under your eyes.

You stiffened under Wilhemina's touch as she tried to get your attention by reaching for your hand. Your head shot defensively in her direction, stopping on the bathtub that was now filled with steaming water. You pulled your hand away and straightened your back as your gaze finally rested on Wilhemina. She stood in front of you with a neutral expression and both hands now resting on the head of her cane that kept the distance between you two.

“Well?” her voice broke the heavy silence you awoke to just moments before. “Are you going to bathe in that?” she asked, pointing to your underwear.

For some reason the tone she used made you feel judged, making you swallow your words and hug your form as you stared at the tub behind her. Seeing how you reacted made Mina think that your insecurities were coming up. She took a step closer to you, causing your attention to shift back to her face. Her hand cupped your cheek and the softest of smiles appeared on her face. Seeing her this vulnerable, even if it was just to calm you down, was a sight that warmed your heart each time. But the guilt you felt made your walls come back up, it made you feel like you didn’t deserve the kindness she tried to show you.

Turning your head away from her gaze, you caught a glance of your reflection in the mirror next to you. Wilhemina looked heavenly, even now, tired after the day she had had and anxiety making her pale skin flush a shade of pink. It made you sick to see yourself next to her, to see her waste energy on you.

You felt tears forming in your eyes and tried to hold your breath in your lungs in a desperate attempt to keep them from falling. You tried to get away from Wilhemina's touch as quickly as possible, but when she saw the tears of frustration fall down your cheeks, she hastily grabbed your arm and pulled you back to her.

“Hey, hey,” she said softly as her hand travelled to your cheek again, this time to wipe the tears away. “It’s me. It’s me, darling. Look at me,” she went on, turning your head so that you were forced to face her. You let out the breath you’ve been holding through gritted teeth, biting harshly on your lip. Any questions aimed at you about what was wrong were left just hanging in the air as you couldn’t catch your breath enough to answer. Luckily, Wilhemina knew just what to do and guided your breathing until it seemed stable and the burning sensation of your skin seemed to fade.

After a few moments of silence, she began, “Y/N, I know that it’s hard, -” but you didn’t give her time to finish.

“No, you don’t,” you hissed as you broke from her touch forcefully and made your way to the bathtub, “You don’t, Wilhemina.” You felt annoyed at the whole situation and your frustration got the best of you. Deep down, you knew she meant well, she always did, but right now it was almost offensive to you when she spoke of the stuff you were going through.

Wilhemina tried to compose herself quickly, taking a deep breath as she felt the anxiety pumping in her veins. She turned around, only to see your back facing her. Her eyes wandered over your now completely naked form as you stepped in the hot water. Seeing the countless bruises covering your body made her stomach drop, and realising how you got them was even more painful.

She made her way to the tub and tried to get your attention by saying your name. You refused to look at her as more hot tears fell from your eyes, let alone talk to her. But once you saw her trying to kneel down next to you from the corner of your eye, you rapidly sat up and with worry in your eyes took her hand in yours for her to lean on, terrified that she might hurt her back. She shot you a light smile and tightened her grip on your hand. As she reached the ground her cane was released from her fisted hand, allowing the knuckles to regain their natural colour.

She leaned her body against the tub, refusing to let go of your hand that still rested in hers while you hugged your knees and examined her face. It was clear to you by the way she knitted her brows that she was in pain, or at least in discomfort, all just to sit next to you, someone who's been pushing her away for weeks on end.

The pain shot hot waves down her back, but this kind was the one she was able to ignore. The psychological kind was causing her vision to blurry with tears; Wilhemina had enough of watching you destroy yourself in front of her and letting you get away with it, yet she had no idea what to do, she had no idea how to keep you alive against your will.

Seeing her next to you like that, so hopeless, it broke your heart. This was precisely the kind of consequence to your actions you hadn’t thought of. You didn’t think about causing your girlfriend this much distress, and it didn’t even occur to you, which made it worse.

“Mina…” you began, but the words died on your lips as you saw the way she looked at you; the sorrow mixed with defeat apparent in the pools of honey-coloured iris. She didn’t respond, only staring you in the eye as her own tears threatened to fall.

“Darling,” her brittle voice broke the silence between you as the heavy tears finally rolled down her cheeks, “Just tell me what to do,” she begged whilst desperately searching for an answer in your gaze.

Your lips started trembling at the sight before you, and with a shaky breath, you forced your eyes shut and hugged your legs tighter to your torso. There was no escaping it now, and as much as you dreaded this conversation, you had to talk about it. You squeezed Mina’s hand in a search for at least a bit of comfort, receiving a soft kiss on the back of your hand, silently urging you to speak.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for being like this,” you mumbled quietly, “You deserve better, you truly do. You shouldn’t have to put up with this. You deserve someone who won’t have a breakdown when you cook them dinner. I just, I don’t know what to do anymore,” the last words were almost a whisper that escaped in between your sobs.

Wilhemina pushed herself up slightly to comfort you, running her hand through your hair slowly and shushing you. But you needed to be honest now, otherwise you’d never say what you needed her to know. You took a deep shaky breath before turning your head to look at her as you began, “You know I never meant for this to happen. I didn't think it would get this bad. And the last thing I want is to hurt you, but I know that I did and I fucked everything up.” She was about to protest, but you cut her off, “I ruined it. I make you worry so much and I wish I hadn't done any of it. I wish you'd still make fun of me constantly and wouldn't be afraid of hurting me and that I'd be able to eat a goddamn meal, and-,” your rumbling was interrupted as you broke down in sobs you could not hold in anymore.

Wilhemina was at a loss for words, she stayed perfectly still for a while as her mind was racing and she tried to think of a solution. Her head got stuck on the last part though, and so, after a moment of silence that was only filled with your whimper, she asked with a slight chuckle, “You miss me being mean to you?”

As you raised your head, seeing the look of entertainment mixed with genuine curiosity on her tearstained face caused your lips to curl up in a smile and made you relax a little. “I just wish things could go back to normal,” you admitted quietly.

Mina hummed understandingly in response. You both wished for that, for things to be easy again, but it was impossible without you fighting for it. And seeing you in this state, hearing how desperate you were, it all proved to her that you would put up a fight.

Taking initiative in the situation, she mentioned for you to lean forward and started caressing your back, bringing the hot water to your skin and making sure to avoid the bruises. Her touch made you melt under it, earning a low sigh to escape your lips as you listened to her voice, “I know. And they will, eventually.”

You opened your eyes tiredly at the sudden loss of warmth on your skin and saw Wilhemina standing before you, a towel in her free hand, motioning for you to stand up. You took the hint and pushed your body up, putting pressure on your shaky knees. She wrapped the soft fabric around your body quickly and taking your hand in hers helped you out of the tub. Once you stood in front of her, she went on, “But that's not what you need right now, dear. You need to get better first, and everything else will follow.”

Her fingers tugged a strand of hair behind your ear and with love in her eyes she continued, “I don't expect you to believe the things I'm about to say, but please, just listen. You did not ruin anything and it isn't your fault that this is happening. We will get through it, I promise. And I know that this has little to do with your body, but I need you to know just how beautiful you are. There is nothing wrong with the way you look, little one; you're perfect, and you know I don't use that word lightly.”

She was right, you didn't believe it; but hearing her pour her heart out like that brought hot tears of relief to your sore eyes. Your hands clinged to her waist, desperately pulling her closer by her top to connect your lips with hers. She tasted the salt on your lips as you kissed, the slow rhythm calming your breath and mind. When you broke the kiss, she rested her forehead against yours before whispering, “I’d spent eternity just looking at you if I could.”

Wilhemina’s fingers travelled up and down your arm, causing goosebumps to appear on your skin. She walked over to the pile of clothes you left lying on the sink and handed them to you before adding, “And just to be clear, I don't do those things because I have to. I do them because I love you. And because I don't want to lose you.”

You whispered a soft “I love you, too” as you began to put the clothes back on. Mina’s gaze was on you the whole time but you could tell she was lost in thought for a minute. She gave you a warm smile as her head came back from the clouds and with a sparkle in her eyes announced, “I’m going to call in sick tomorrow.”

Without a thought, you teased, “You're going to babysit me?” She chuckled silently before replying, “No, darling. But I think that we could both use a day off.”

“I don't need it.” you said seriously, looking her dead in the eye. She slowly made her way over to you and matching your energy, argued, “I know you don't need it. You're almost as tough as me, that's how I know you'll get through this.” Her look softened as she grabbed your chin gently before admitting, “But I want you close to me, at least for a day.”

You could not argue with that logic and truth be told, you missed her terribly.

After a moment of staring in her eyes silently, you suggested, “You want to finish the movie?” Her face hardened for a second, giving away the hesitation she felt. All she wanted was to go to bed and keep you safe in her arms. You decided to push yourself and tried to coax her further, “I promise to finish my dinner,” earning a proud smile from your girlfriend. She agreed immediately and leaned in for another kiss.

You returned the smile as you parted and added jokingly, “Besides, I’ve already cried like ten times today, once more won’t hurt.” Wilhemina rolled her eyes at the comment before taking your hand and leading the way.

“You're an ass.”

#sarah paulson x reader #sarah paulson imagine #wilhemina venable x reader #wilhemina venable #ahs fanfiction #ahs imagine #ms venable #ahs apocalypse

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vennysbottom · 3 years

Text

I don’t need it

Wilhemina Venable x FemReader

Words: 2,8K

warning: eating disorders, angst i guess

A/N: I have no idea what this is but I needed to get out of my head. Please, please don’t read this if you think it could trigger you.

*Also, I read something similar on here but couldn’t find it, so if you know, pls tell me so that I could give them credit.

It wasn't enough. The truth was, it was never enough. No number ever seemed right anymore. Each morning you were afraid to weigh yourself, knowing it determined how your day was going to go. For the past few months, the only thing on your mind was weight loss and how you looked. You couldn't focus on anything else, you found it hard to be your positive self and most importantly, you were losing yourself.

You were losing yourself again.

You were not sure how many times this has already happened, but you knew what was going on. There was no reason to try to prevent it though, you felt like you needed to lose a few pounds anyway and saw no harm in doing it this way. Or more accurately, you chose not to see it.

“Y/N baby, I'm leaving” your girlfriend's voice coming from downstairs brought you back to reality. Not realising how long you've been analysing your body in the bathroom; you ran to the front door.

“Still in your pyjamas?” she said while giving you a half-smile. Wilhemina herself was looking as professional as ever, given that it was just 7 AM. She had her hair up, makeup on, and was wearing one of those purple fits that you loved on her. Each morning she amazed you by how good she looked. You leaned in to give her a goodbye-kiss which she gladly returned.

“Have a good day. Love you” you said while getting a hold of her one free hand. She gave it a light squeeze before saying “I made you coffee. I love you too.” And just like that, she was out of the door and you were alone.

You stood at the doorway for a couple of seconds, deciding what to do today. You had a few online classes that day but they only took up half of the day, leaving the whole afternoon to yourself.

You went into the kitchen to get your coffee, trying to be as quick as possible. You didn't like being there anymore, it made you feel anxious and guilty. Although, for the majority of your relationship with Mina it has been nothing but nice; you loved cooking dinners for her every day to make her relax and talk about what kind of day the both of you had had, you loved having slow Sunday mornings there. But none of that hasn't happened for quite a while now. Avoiding meals equalled constant lying; on the weekend you’d sleep in since your energy levels were constantly low, and most days you’d lie to get out of eating dinner. You would say that you had to study for a test, had an assignment due or simply that you had already eaten by the time Wilhemina got home.

All of these thoughts were flooding your mind from just standing in the room. You quickly grabbed the cup and left to go into your home office.

Your classes began at 8 and by the time noon arrived you were done for the day. You couldn’t focus on anything your lecturers were saying, which wasn’t uncommon, but this time it wasn’t just the fact that you were exhausted that kept you from paying attention. You kept thinking about how your relationship was slowly starting to fail. You and Mina were in love, but the truth is, your lies were undermining the trust between you two. Until your relapse, you had never lied to her and that’s why she knew that she could always count on you. But she started noticing how distant you were getting and how little time you wanted to spend with her; it hurt her, but she decided to just play along and pretend like everything was fine.

You were aware of all of this. You knew you needed to fix this but sadly enough, you didn’t know how to do that. There was no way you’d be willing to eat - the fear was too overwhelming for you. That’s why you decided to do the next best thing - a quick fix.

The first thing you came up with was a visit at work. There was a high risk of catching your girlfriend taking out her frustrations on one of her poor employees, but the only thing on your mind at that moment was making Wilhemina feel loved. You were mad at yourself for neglecting her because you knew that she deserved way better than that.

You got dressed and made your way to Kineros Robotics, stopping along the way at her favourite coffee shop. You had worked at the company a few years prior, so you knew most of the people by name and knew the place perfectly.

“Hey Jenny!” you greeted your former co-worker with a smile once you’ve made your way up to the front desk. “Y/N! What are you doing here?” she said while looking away from her computer. “Oh, I’m looking for a woman and thought she might be here. You may have seen her actually; long red hair, very kind, the same height as me… Does that ring any bells?”

“Was she wearing purple by any chance?” she asked jokingly.

“You know what? It is possible! How’d you know?” you answered and gave her a toothy smile.

“Try her office Y/N/N. But just a warning: she screamed at me today for letting in a delivery-guy, so she’s probably not in the best mood,” she said while pointing you in the direction.

You knew this was your fault; she does get snappier at work when she's worried about something. So, not only are you two miserable but others get screamed at more frequently. Maybe a quick fix wouldn’t be enough this time, but it was the best you could do for now.

You arrived at Mina’s office to find it empty so you hesitantly made your way down to the guys’ office. It didn’t take long for you to hear muffled voices, one of which belonged to the woman you were looking for, and you could tell that she was upset about something. Upon entering the room, you saw her; she had her back towards you and was supporting herself by the cane in her right hand. Just this image alone was enough to make your heart race. Jeff and Mutt were bending down to sniff what seemed like their daily dose of cocaine. There were also two girls sitting on a table near them, probably just random hookers the guys hired for the day.

“No, no, no, that’s not what I said. What I meant was, that you should watch your temper more” Mutt said loudly before turning around to start typing on his keyboard.

You saw Wilhemina tighten her grip on her cane, “Excuse me?” she said in a cold tone, clearly getting ready to argue.

Jeff stood up after attempting to clean the powder from his nose, “Come on babe. You know you could be nicer to the employees”.

“Shut up Jeff,” you said sternly, making all the heads turn in your direction. “You’re paying her to do all the work around here that you are too lazy to do yourselves, not to be nice to people.” You could see the surprise on Wilhemina's face, but it didn't take her long to regain her composure and protectively reach for your hand once you've reached her side.

Jeff smiled at you and said “Y/N! Long-time no see. Have you finally changed your mind?”

You haven’t seen the two idiots for a couple of months, almost making you forget how gross they were. You took a step forward and stated “I wouldn’t touch your slimy dick with a two-feet pole,” which made both of them laugh slightly. “I'm here to put you in your place since you obviously still need to be reminded,” you continued giving them a cocky smirk. You knew they would not budge, but it was a nostalgic way of entertainment.

“Wow, you don’t have to be so rude baby,” he said pretending to be offended, “Seems to me like Ms.Venable has a bad influence on you.”

Oh, it was on. You were ready to shoot another remark but were stopped by your girlfriend’s hand giving you a squeeze and lightly pulling you back.

“I would choose my next words carefully if I were you; you’re on very thin ice,” Mina said while staring at Jeff. She would normally avoid confrontation with them but her possessive side got the best of her in that moment. Softening her expression, she turned to face you, “Would you wait for me in my office? I need to sort some things out.”

You nodded and turned on your heel to leave. Hearing Jeff shout at you “The offer still stands!” made you turn once more and say truthfully “Hope your brain turns into mush soon, asshole.”

Once you were out of the door and far enough that nobody thought you could hear them anymore Mutt started the conversation, “Damn Ms.Venable, are you even feeding her?” which made a look of confusion appear on Wilhemina's face. “Now, what’s that supposed to mean?” she asked with a hint of offence, trying to find an answer in the face of one of them. Since Jeff was the one who knew you the longest, he decided to explain, “Oh don’t tell me you haven’t noticed anything,” still seeing the puzzled look on his secretary’s face, he went on, “For fuck’s sake, don’t you live together? You must have noticed the weight loss, plus Y/N is never very subtle about this.”

That’s when it clicked and Wilhemina finally understood what Jeff was implying, “She's never subtle? This has happened before?”

She waited impatiently for an answer, hoping that all of this was just a sick joke; the other two exchanged a look of mutual understanding and Mutt finally said: “You should talk to her.”

You paced around the office trying to figure out what to do and how to fix this situation. You knew that Mina was hurt and probably even disappointed; you knew her instinct would be to build her walls up again and you were terrified she wouldn’t let you fully in again. Once you heard the sounds of her cane getting closer, you knew there was no preparing for this.

She entered the room with a somewhat disapproving expression on her face, which she successfully hid when you shot her a warm smile, waiting for her to sit in the chair while you leant on her table. Sitting down, she looked at the cup you were nervously playing with and narrowed her eyes at you. “I thought you might need cheering up today, so I got you your favourite,” you said while placing the coffee on her desk. And you could swear, at that exact moment, you saw love light up her eyes, and the slight smile she offered you gave you butterflies, just like the first time you saw her smile like that. The silence between you that followed made you play with your fingers anxiously but after a while, it was broken by Wilhemina's soft voice, “Well thank you. I appreciate it.”

“But that's not the only reason I stopped by. I've finished all my work for the week…” you traced off preparing yourself to say the latter part, which you'd much rather avoid, “So I thought that I could cook dinner for us tonight because I haven’t done that for a while now. And I wanted to ask you if there was anything you’d like.” At that point your heart was beating so fast you were sure she could hear it.

She could see how uncomfortable you were but wasn’t able to pinpoint the reason for your behaviour; she didn’t know whether it was due to your relationship hitting a rough patch or because Jeff and Mutt might have been right. Either way, she knew she’d find out tonight; playing it cool she kissed you on the cheek and told you that it was completely up to you.

Cooking the food was fine, calming even, but once it was done you realised that you actually had to eat it which caused you to panic. You tried to calm down but your eating disorder made that almost impossible. You sat at the table for what seemed like hours trying to come up with an excuse, eventually deciding to just drink wine and lie if you were to be questioned.

You were disturbed from your state by the door opening and your girlfriend coming into view. She locked eyes with you instantly. You could tell that she was exhausted, that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary after all, but there was more tonight. Wilhemina hasn’t been able to concentrate on anything else than you for the rest of the afternoon. She analysed the situation, her potential steps and their outcomes for the whole ride home. What scared her the most was the fact that in both scenarios, she was running a risk of losing you.

You were both tense, expecting the other one to start a fight and unable to relax, so you only made small talk. You sat at the table with your glass of wine, playing with the food on your plate while watching Mina observe you closely. Then the tension got too much and she barked out, “Aren't you going to eat?” in a tone so cold, it reminded you of the times you worked for her. She held eye contact with you, almost daring you to lie to her. Almost daring you to start a fight that would break her heart. You quickly answered, saying that you ate right before she came so you were pretty full. Keeping your eyes on her face, you saw her expression change - she went from being irritated to being seemingly sad in a matter of seconds.

“Do you still love me?”

Once the question left her lips, there was no taking it back and it physically hurt you that she had to ask. It hurt to know that Wilhemina felt so abandoned by you, she actually thought you were going to leave her; and judging by the look in her eyes, she was ready for you to say “no”. Wasting no time, you answered, “Of course. Of course, I still love you, Mina.” hoping to sound genuine enough for her to believe you. You watched her closely, waiting for her reaction, but to your surprise, her feelings were shoved back down just as quickly as they surfaced.

She straightened her posture before stating, “Well, in that case, we need to talk.” You felt yourself freeze, knowing exactly what was about to go down.

“Have you been eating?” she asked, not letting you drift your eyes away from hers. You knew she’d catch on eventually and call you out, but you had hoped you had a little more time. With a confused expression on your face, you said, “What do you mean?”.

Wrong answer. Wilhemina was tired of your bullshit and you trying to hide it from her. Her face seemingly hardened as she explained, “I haven’t seen you have a meal in weeks. You’re always making excuses, saying you’re too busy to sit down with me. The two idiots even implied this isn’t the first time this has happened.”

You knew there was no point in pretending anymore, so not caring about the consequences anymore, you snapped, “Oh, so it took Jeff and Mutt telling you everything for you to notice? Good to know.” You got up to leave but the sudden sound of Mina’s cane hitting the floor made you stop in your tracks. “Sit your ass down,” she ordered through gritted teeth. Seeing how mad she was getting and how her knuckles whitened, you thought it was better to obey. Although Wilhemina liked establishing dominance, she very rarely raised her voice at you. But this was different, she was pissed that you refused to take care of yourself and she knew she had to be strict.

“Y/N, eat. Now,” she demanded in a stern tone. You were sitting down, fork in one hand and anxiously pulling the skin on your leg with the other. After a few minutes of silence, she reached for your hand under the table and with a pleading look in her eyes, she said softly, “Baby… please, try. For me.”

You couldn’t stand seeing her like this, so you hesitantly started to eat. You hated it, and the feeling of food in your stomach made you sick. Wilhemina rubbed slow circles on your hand in an attempt to calm you down. Despite her effort, tears started to fall down your cheeks about halfway through the meal, but you still managed to finish everything.

Seeing the plate finally empty caused you to sob uncontrollably. Mina approached you quickly and put her arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug. In between sobs, you whispered, “I hate you so much right now.” In response, she said, “Shhh, I know. I know,” while stroking your hair.

“You did good, little one.”

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