ok but if you just ignore my notes app, my tumblr dash, my diary, everything i say, everything i think, the reason why i study so hard, my spotify playlist, my youtube recs, my google doc rant pages, my phone gallery, and the daddy issues im just like every other teenage girl i swear

:/

i'm thinking about like just giving up w school. i have like zero natural intelligence and i'm just barely scraping by, every assessment i do i get really low marks and scores and i'm not good enough.

EXCITING STUFF

BASICALLY! I wasn’t in his lesson last Thursday so today i went up to him to get my essay back and just to get a general idea of what they covered in said lesson - HE WAS BEING SO HELPFUL??? I didn’t expect him to bust out the whole powerpoint i just thought he was gonna tell me stuff but yeah AND THEN, i was like ‘so you don’t have my essay on you?’ And he was like ‘no ://// is that what you were really after? :’D’ and i was like ‘yeah :’)’ and he was like ‘i’ll tell you what, come to me tmrw and i can guarantee i’ll have it marked and in school!!’ SO YAY I GET TO SEE HIM TMRW ANDDDD he offered to do another after school session on friday to go over what i missed in their reading of the importance of being earnest!!! I was like ‘i’ll think abt it, i’ll tell you tmrw if i think i need it’ OBVS I’M GONNA SAY YES but gotta be chill about it ;) SLAYYYYYY

Had him today, and he asked me a question and i was like ‘i’m not sure’ even though i had the answer in my head so he just like answered it for me AND I WAS RIGHT. I do this in all my subjects, i acc need to stop.

One of my fingers are swollen and it hurts.

Annoyed with him.

He wasn’t in on tuesday and i was sooo excited for his lesson plus i did his long ass hw just for this mf to not be in. I have him tmrw (well i mean technically today in like 9hrs cause its 2:50am rn lols), dreading the lesson and the whole day in general- i feel like i might cry.

I WENT TO HIS OFFICE.

(I forgot to update you guys on friday so i’m doing it now) anyways, on friday i went up to him in the morning and asked him if he was free after school - he was but he was on gate duty so he said to come half past three. Skip to the end of the day, my friend came to wait w me in the library - where his office is. He ended up coming at 3:45 ish. Anyways so i knock on his door and he’s like hello!!!!! So i open then door (the door is so heavy i’m putting my whole weight on it) and he like ‘sorry for being late’ and i’m like its okay. He pulls the chair out for me - IT HAS HIS BLAZER ON IT. Anyways this is the first time i’ve been in his office so obvs i’m observing it and i look under the desk slightly (the chair was very far away from the desk so the underneath was in sight) and there was another two pairs of shoes under it??? They were obvs his but like wth. Anyways he says ‘whats up’ and my mind goes blank and then i’m like ‘OH my essay’. ‘Oh, you want to talk about your essay’ - he seemed rlly taken aback, he really thought i was gonna spill about my mental health xD. So we talk over it and stuff and i’m still looking around the room a little. I gaze past his face, to the windowsill. Guess what i see. A fucking photo of him, 15(?) years younger holding a baby. Like bro looked so gorgeous in that photo istg. He was looking down at the baby in his hands. I couldn’t see the baby cause some stuff was covering it but it was obvs he was. Anyways, everything else went well. And that concludes my friday meeting w him <333333333

Had him today. I got a disgusting mark on my essay but sir kept saying well done. He handed me the essay and then went to continue handing out everyone else’s essays. When he was done, he came back to my desk and was like ‘yeah well done’ and then at the end of the lesson he asked if i did it in timed conditions and i said ‘yeah…’ and he was like ‘well done, its good’. Smth seemed so off. I’m gonna talk to him tmrw about it… also i was staring at his hands and they’re just so perfect.

School starts tmrw… i have my tc on thursday though :/// BUT AHHH WHAT IF I SEE HIM TMRW I MIGHT DIE

CATCH UP!

ANYWAYS, JESUS SM TO CATCH YOU GUYS UP ON! okay so first, i got into eng lit and i'm no longer taking physics (since the beginning of november lols). Dr p was shocked that i was leaving esp since i was alr two months into the course lols. but anyways I MADE IT INTO MR S CLASS!!1 anyways yeah so i've been in his class for some time now but like smth happened last thursday. basically, i was very suicidal ngl and we had to write an essay and i was like breaking down or whatever so i didn't write anything. i mean like i wrote an intro but i scribbled it out. anyways sir spotted me and was like 'can i speak to you outside' and then we went outside the classroom and he was talking to me and i literally did not say anything to him. he was being so nice and caring and even spoke to me again at the end of the lesson / after the lesson and i said absolutely nothing to him. he was trying to reassure me about the whole essay and everything but like i crave academic validation so it was just going in one ear out the other. ANYWAYS TODAY! i've felt soo guilty about what happened on thursday i was literally dying to apologise to him - i felt so sick the whole day thinking about him. i was literally so shaky i felt so bad. so i made it my mission to finish the essay by lunch even though it was due this thursday, i felt like i had to make it up to him. so when lunch came around i immediately went to his classroom (i asked my hist teacher to check where he was session 2 cause this guy is impossible to track down). i say immediately but it was really cause i waited for the pips to ring so his class would be gone. ANYWAYS, i entered his room and he seemed happy to see me, i immediately apologised. he was all like 'you have nothing to be sorry for' and stuff like that but i reinforced my apology. i then gave him the essay and i was like 'its terrible' and then he reassured me again, talking about the critic in my head and how i need to shut it up. he's literally so sweet i hate him. he then was talking about the friday catch up sessions - OH YEAH I'VE BEEN DOING ONE ON ONE (well kinda theres another girl there but she's just there for my support) SESSIONS W HIM AFTER SCHOOL - he was like if you feel like you dont need them anymore then thats fine so i said to him 'i'll see on tuesday' (i lowk need the sessions like i have no confidence with the content). i left shortly after and he was like 'thank you for coming to see me'. i hate him, he is way too cute.

new layout!!!!

Do you guys plan your outfits depending on what teachers/subjects you have? Whenever i have physics with P i always wear like ‘english student’ fits (skirts, jumpers) unless i’m feeling suicidal (wearing baggy clothes) LMAO. I just wanna seem cute or doll like </3

I wonder if anyone else in the tc community goes to the same school as me and/or has the same tc as me 😮😮😮

I NEED THIS HALF TERM TO END TO SEE IF I CAN GET INTO ENG LITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT (i wanna get into eng lit because i like it, my tc teaching it is just a bonus xD)

Knowing that i’m not the only one like this makes me so happy

ugly aspects of a tc

having LOW standards and getting excited when they do the bare minimum

constant overthinking of every little thing they do which can be exhausting and detrimental to mental health

if they do one thing off, you automatically think they hate you

feeling bad about yourself (maybe even unlovable and hopeless) bc ur tc doesn’t like u back

sacrificing other things u cared about

daddy/mommy issues

feeling guilt due to fear that you’re making them uncomfortable (even though that’s the last thing you want to do)

being desperate and resorting to unhealthy methods for their attention and praise to validate yourself

your entire mood being dependent on how they treat you

wishing they would “save” you

the heartbreaking realization that they are human and have flaws and are not as perfect as you thought they were

realizing that it will never happen and you will have to move on some day

we all romanticize having a tc sometimes and maybe this is how we’re coping, but i think we should talk about the ugly parts of having tc as well. hope everyone’s doing well and lets be there for each other <33

Hi! I’m S <3

okay so! i have one major tc - my year 11 eng teacher (Mr.S) (my sixth form and secondary are connected btw) and some other minor ones: my year 11 math teacher (he left lols) and one of my alevel physics teachers (Dr.P)! also i’m currently studying math,  history and physics (i hate it sm) alevel but i’m also trying to get into eng literature cause i regret not taking it soooo much. Anyways lets talk more abt Mr. S! he was super nice to me in year 11 and really wanted me to do eng lit alevel (which i refused and now regret) but now ever since sixth form started, he never says hi to me or anything so i’m hoping to get into eng lit alevel and then we’d be friends again :( EDIT: i now take english lit and Mr S is my teacher!! unfortunately, i’m no longer taking physics and will probably never speak to Dr.P ever again :’D </3