Deej still hasn't given me back all of my code cylinders for the lifts and I still kriffing haaaaaaaate taking the stairs.

Today I was a bit distracted while walking between levels (In case Hux asks: No, I wasn't playing Candy Crush on my datapad again.) and I managed to miss a step and I tripped. Fortunately, I didn't break my neck, but I did land square on my ass.

Stormtrooper armor offers protection against many things, but not against giant butt bruises. It hurts. I cannot sit down. If you see me waddling awkwardly down the halls, mind your business.

What can I say? Hux has a lot of points in Intelligence and Charisma, but his Wisdom is sometimes *just* low enough that one good Intimidation check will get you what you need.

For the well-being of both myself and the crew, Hux suggested a compromise today:

He said the motion sensors can stay, but it would be best if I changed the voice on them to something less terrifying than Katie's.

I told him I had some old recordings of Supreme Leader Snoke that I'd be happy to put to good use. . .

Anyway, Hux said Katie's voice can stay. She'll be so pleased <3

For the well-being of both myself and the crew, Hux suggested a compromise today:

He said the motion sensors can stay, but it would be best if I changed the voice on them to something less terrifying than Katie's.

I told him I had some old recordings of Supreme Leader Snoke that I'd be happy to put to good use. . .

Anyway, Hux said Katie's voice can stay. She'll be so pleased <3

There have been mixed results for the motion sensors that yell in Katie's voice.

On the one hand, everyone is being so careful not to break things. I can actually focus my time on ship maintenance instead of fixing peoples' careless mistakes.

On the other hand, there are entirely too many crew members signed up to visit the ship's counselor right now due to stress, edginess, and light paranoia. The counselor is convinced that this is somehow my fault.

Gonna leave the motion sensors where they are for now. Not convinced the cons outweigh the pros at this point.

Found a way to get around Hux's ban on the uploading of an angry droid's consciousness to the Finalizer while still preventing folks from creating more work for me:

I built some simple motion sensors and placed them around the areas of the ship that are most dangerous for people who can't not break things. You know: sensitive computers, vending machines, lift buttons. That sort of thing.

With Katie's permission, I replicated her voice and programmed the motion sensors to use it to shout "I'M WATCHING YOU" whenever people get too close.

Let's see if that keeps people in line for a while.

Hux said I'm not allowed to upload Katie's consciousness to the Finalizer.

He's convinced she hates humans and, with that much power, might do something horrible like cut off our oxygen if someone upsets her.

And he's absolutely right. That was actually a good call on his part.

Glad we have a supreme leader who thinks ahead.

Still love my precious, giant child, Katie, though.

It's amazing how even the most chaotic of troopers can go a WHOLE DAY without setting anything on fire or breaking things by "accident" when K8-T3 is babysitting them.

You know, maybe I could save myself a ton of work by just having her patrol the ship and keep an eye on everyone.

Sure, she wouldn't be able to watch everyone all at once now, but I could threaten to upload her consciousness to the Finalizer so she could see everyone all of the time.

I bet she would only have to catch one or two people doing something stupid before the idea of Katie the Omniscient frightened everyone into behaving themselves.

A second open letter to the troopers from yesterday:

Yes, I sent K8-T3 to babysit you.

M4-RT1N told me one of his crew came to collect your garbage and he saw you trying to make s'mores over a trash can fire.

Obviously you can't be left unsupervised until I'm able to fulfill your service request, so maybe you'll be less likely to burn down your bunk with Katie's glowing, judgemental eyes on you at all times.

As you know, Katie isn't wearing a restraining bolt, so please try to be on your best behavior.

Cheers,

ST-3V3

An open letter to the troopers who sent a service request today asking me to "fix the broken smoke detector" in their bunk.

First of all, it probably just needs new power cells. I think it takes AAs. Steal some from your holoprojector remote.

Second: I meant what I said about not answering service requests on odd-numbered levels this week. So you have a few options here:

1. Fix it yourself. See above.

2. Let K8-T3 fix it. I know some of you are little afraid of her, but she does good work. I'm sorry about what happened last time, and I'm sure she is, too.

3. Try not to do anything flammable for a few more days. You can do it. I have faith in you.

Hang in there. I'll see you next week,

ST-3V3

Deej was pleased that I finally got some good cardio in, so she gave me back my code cylinders for the lifts.

Well, half of them, anyway.

Which is why I will only be taking service requests this week for repairs needed on even-numbered levels. Consider yourself warned.

So, last night I decided to confront Deej about what she said, so I put on my (hella cool) new dance outfit and marched right into her bunk to ask her what was up.

And. . . Um. . .Turns out, the stuff she said was not an insult. Quite the opposite, actually. She liked my tight outfit. Really liked it.

Anyway, I would like to formally apologize to DG-2024, who tripped over the pile of blue spandex in the floor on his way to bed.

And to the rest of Deej's bunkmates: It was really sweet of you all to personally high-five me on my way out in the morning. You guys are the best.

Asked Deej if she liked how my new dance clothes looked.

She said they'd look good on the floor next to her bunk.

That sounds like. . . an insult? Does she hate them? Should I get a different color? I thought she liked blue!

My Scout Troopers got their Arts & Culture badges today by helping me pick out some sweet clothes to dance in for my audition.

It's basically a stretchy, skin-tight outfit like the body glove I wear under my armor, but instead of black, it's blindingly neon blue.

The Scouts said it would make me stand out.

They're right. I look amazing. I am going to nail this audition.

You should check the audition info posted in the break room and see what instructions are there! At the audition, you’ll probably fill out a questionnaire about what characters you’re trying out for and your previous performance experience. Usually you want to pick a song from a musical rather than a pop song…but thanks to the Max Rebo jukebox musical that came out a while back, Lapti Nek actually counts as a theatre song now. Besides dancing, you’ll also be given scenes from the show to act out with other people at the audition. A few days after the audition, some people go to callbacks, which is when the director calls certain people back to do more singing and line-reading for a second look. And ST-3V3…I’m pretty sure you’ll get in. Community theatre NEVER gets enough guys to audition. If you’re halfway decent, you’ll get in, bro. Even if it’s just an ensemble role.

That sounds like. . . a lot. But I'll give it a shot. Why not?

Deej can probably teach me a few dance moves. And maybe the Captain can give me some pointers for the singing bit. And I am a dude, so I guess I have that going for me.

Maybe I'll be a star and get real famous and everone will finally treat me with the respect I deserve.

Or maybe I'll just have an activity that allows me to not wear armor for a few nights a week.

Either way is good.

I've just discovered I don't really know how to audition for a musical.

Like, I've seen a few. I know they involve singing and dancing. But do I just pick any song to audition with? Does Mitaka really want to hear my cover of Lapti Nek?

And dancing in armor is hard. Am I supposed to buy new clothes? Am I allowed to do that? I should probably check the employee handbook.

Normally, I'd ask Mitaka for help, but that feels like cheating.

And you’re gonna audition for the musical, right? Eh? Ehh?

I dunno. Maybe?

I can be a pretty convincing liar, which is what acting basically is, but I don't know if I'd be any good at singing or dancing.

But who knows? Maybe I could get cast if loads of other people are worse than me. And if I do, maybe I can use rehearsals as an excuse to get time off work.

Mitaka has informed me that he has, indeed, finished writing his musical. He told me to let everyone know that he'll be posting audition information in the break room.

Good luck or break an arm or whatever I'm supposed to say.