Police use of force incidents on the decline after new documentation practices

Police use of force incidents on the decline after new documentation practices

Use of force incidents by law enforcement officials are now on the decline after a major internal policy change. (more…)

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Mandated tracking systems to be installed on new cars in 2020

Mandated tracking systems to be installed on new cars in 2020

A new federal law set to go into effect in 2020 will require automotive manufacturers to install tracking systems in all new vehicles which can alert authorities to unsafe drivers.

The federal legislation, known as the NLTF Act (No Law Too Far), is meant to ensure that drivers and passengers wear their seat-belt and obey all traffic laws. This comes on the news that 37,133 fatalities occurred in…

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8-year-old looking forward to free Halloween drugs

8-year-old looking forward to free Halloween drugs

Local 8-year-old Michael Gruden is looking forward to Halloween this year after early reports that he should be on the lookout for drugs in his candy. (more…)

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Guyger conviction prevents cops from safely doing their job

Guyger conviction prevents cops from safely doing their job

Dallas police officer Amber Guyger was convicted of murder today after shooting her neighbor Botham Shem Jean in his apartment. Guyger’s defense rested on the claim that she mistakenly entered the wrong apartment, believing it was her own, and found Jean who she believed was a burglar who was eating ice cream on his couch. Additionally, marijuana was found in his apartment, which is known to…

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Chipping workers and monitoring their every move will make them more efficient

Chipping workers and monitoring their every move will make them more efficient

Restroom usage, casual conversations, leaning against the wall, blinking eyes, and generally unnecessary movement stops costs companies trillions in wasted productivity. This results in businesses having to pay unreasonable amounts of money to slacking employees who come to work but end up taking advantage of employers. This can be solved by measuring the bio-metrics of workers to ensure that…

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County to hire employees for ability to ignore irate citizens

County to hire employees for ability to ignore irate citizens

Altruria County is set to hire hundreds of new employees later this month after the passage of several new tax measures.

Each department will see their ranks increase as part of a plan to create a better government according to a statement released by the commissioners’ court. Local residents can expect to see their new public servants to receive high pay, strong benefits, and to work far fewer…

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Opioid addicts must experience the consequences of their actions

Opioid addicts must experience the consequences of their actions

It is time we effectively tackle the opioid issue as we have previous problems by enforcing the consequences. (more…)

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Congress debates guns and abortion simultaneously

Congress debates guns and abortion simultaneously

Congress took an unusual turn this week by negotiating abortion and gun rights at the same time. (more…)

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Man destined for failure during pool league night

Man destined for failure during pool league night

A man is destined for failure in his local pool league this week after watching a video on Facebook of a professional billiards player making a sick shot in 9 Ball. (more…)

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New study shows Facebook prayers only 15% effective

New study shows Facebook prayers only 15% effective

A new study recently released shows that people posting the word “prayers” on Facebook is only effective 15 percent of the time. (more…)

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President's secret memo leaked about planned illegal exit party and pardons

President’s secret memo leaked about planned illegal exit party and pardons

A secret memo concerning President Obama’s plans to throw an illegal party his final night in the White House has surfaced. (more…)

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Agents raid hair-dresser's home over bad haircut

Agents raid hair-dresser’s home over bad haircut

Agents raided a Texas woman’s home due to a tip-off from a customer who was not happy with their haircut.

State licensing requirements maintain that a cosmetologist may only perform services in a licensed and regulated environment which is separate from living spaces. The complaint alleged that the woman, 32-year-old Jasmin Daley, was operating an underground hair cutting and styling business. (m…

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Local political activist group achieves success through no effort

A local political activist group has been accomplishing big things by holding monthly meetings and talking at one another about their political problems. (more…)

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2014 Super Bowl to feature Predator Drone demonstration

The NFL announced today that they would be expanding the 2014 Super Bowl halftime show to include a…

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Women with tattoos have ruined dating forever

DEAR ABBY: I recently went on a first (and last) date with a “gentleman.” He ordered himself a beer and a prime rib dinner. He never asked me if I wanted anything to eat or drink. As flabbergasted as I was, I have a theory: Men today are different from…

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Environmental organization seeks to make Santa more eco-friendly through regulation

A national environmentalist group is lobbying the government for new regulations on Christmas…

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Two friends forget conversation, retrieve it from police in FOIA request

After a night of drinking and brainstorming great ideas, two locals forgot to write any of their thoughts down and were at a loss the next day when trying to remember what they talked about. Being resourceful though, they quickly devised a way to retrieve…

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