The casual enbyphobia of starting a new game and being told to "pick your gender" but you (& all other players) are only given 2 options. Whether they're labeled male/female, masc/fem, "styles", or vague short-hair VS long-hair icons, whatever, it's all the same. We all know the message they're sending.

Plus the even greater sin of it being in the form of a character creator, instead of just making you pick a blank slate protagonist.

(Obviously if you're picking between actual characters, that doesn't count)

"oppression has nothing to do with your identity and everything to do with how you're perceived."

this is exorsexism.

by this logic, exorsexism doesn't exist, because there is no way to be perceived as nonbinary without explicitly identifying yourself as such.

not all kinds of oppression work the same way. exorsexism is identity-based. i've seen plenty of people be treated fine when they were perceived as cis men or women, but as soon as they said they were nonbinary, all exorsexist hell broke loose, despite their appearance not changing. i've seen people absolutely turn on nonbinary people because they thought they were "normal, acceptable" binary trans people. i've seen people revoke their "allyship" when someone who previously identified as binary trans came out as nonbinary - all without their appearance changing.

a core component of exorsexism is the erasure of and refusal to acknowledge our nonbinary identities. this has everything to do with identity and nothing with how you're perceived.

nonbinary people can walk through the world being perceived as both flavours of binary trans but still experience a specific oppression based on our identity that binary trans people don't. there's no way to be perceived as nonbinary in a world that does everything to erase who we are.

this logic also applies to other oppression that is mainly identity-based, like bimisia and amisia. there's no way to be perceived as bi+, aro or ace in a world that does everything to erase who we are. the above statement is also bimisic and amisic.

it's also transmisic, as by that logic, trans people who are perceived as cis people would be exempt from transmisic oppression. and we should know by now that cis-passing privilege is a bonkers concept.

this logic would also imply that a cis woman who is mistaken for a trans women experiences the same oppression as a trans women because "it's not about identity", but this is also bonkers.

different kinds of oppression work in different ways. some are mainly based on identity, others are based on identity and outside perception. no oppression, even things like fatmisia, where someone obviously looks marginalised, is purely based on outside perception.

but people want you to think that oppression that is mainly based on identity isn't real, and that oppression can only exist based on perception, because that way, they don't have to acknowledge binary, allo and mono privileges that come with not having that oppressed identity.

The fact that I see more exorsexism that comes from the trans community than I do from cis or non lgbt people should be way more surprising than it actually is to me

You've probably heard a similar thing before but just a little thing I hate is that, even within nonbinary focused communities, people degender and misgender the shit out of multigender people. I'm tired of that, even within spaces I would think understand that shoving people's gender into boxes and binaries is wrong, I have to deal with that. Have to deal with being treated like I'm "too much of a man" to be a woman and "too much of a woman" to be a man. As if being both just cancels out and I'm suddenly neither of them.

this is exorsexism.

When I get lectured on how nonbinary cant ever touch the binary or else I'm apparently not doing nonbinary correctly (let me be multigendered in fucking PEACE)

this is exorsexism.

Nonbinary people are always being reduced to one quirky trait, even if it’s by our ‘allies’. Like, we’re not allowed to be well rounded people, we’re always reduced to being some sort of real-life sidekick who’s here to say slogans like ‘destroy the binary!!!!’ and nothing else. There’s no acknowledgement that enben can be different from each other, we can have vastly different opinions, and we’re all just viewed as a one-dimensional monolith

this is exorsexism.

if you like this account, you'll probably also like @nb-amourous. you'll also find discussions about exorsexism over there, but also positivity and affirmation! 💛🤍💜🖤

When binary people can just forget that nonbinary people exist. In positivity posts, in posts about trans issues, in silly posts. Nonbinary people are forgotten or shoehorned in as an afterthought.

this is exorsexism.

im Bigender`(both boy and a girl, he/she) and the boys at my school make a point to not use the he in my pronouns and defend themselves by saying "well your still half a girl"

this is exorsexism.

it is disrespectful to not acknowledge someone's full gender experience unless they explicitly said it's fine. bigender people are whole people and only focusing on one "half" is almost like treating someone as half a person.

is it internalized exorsexism to feel like I'll never be a real man for sharing a body with a girl, or vice versa?

it's not as direct of a situation as it would be if i were male-female bigender, but sometimes i (genderqueer male, half of a two person system whose other half is an autigender nonbinary girl) feel like my male experience is so atypical that I'll always be estranged from it for carrying around this girl part with me.... so i end up relating a lot to the posts on this blog that struggle with feeling like "male" and "female" identities "negate" or demean one another. i guess it should be obvious that if male and female can coexist in one person, it shouldn't have any difference on two people even in the same body...

sorry if this ask is too negative or contains exorsexism too explicitly, i really am trying to break it down. i think seeing it explicitly like the posts on your blog and knowing i'd never say these things to someone else does help genuinely. so thank you!

this is internalised exorsexism.

you're welcome.

i usually hate the agab terms but so people can better understand what i mean i'll use it here. sorry for the rant in advance, i just have no real place to drop this, as i will mention in the text, so i'm turning to this account:

i'm an afab agender transmasc guy (i mostly have no gender but also feel strongly connected to trans guys- sometimes little, sometimes strongly) who loves presenting & being 'feminine' (mostly clothes & make-up) and i do not feel like i belong anywhere in trans spaces because of that. i do not really have body dysphoria unless people INISIST i am a woman/girl for having wide hips, breasts and a uterus, etc. i love my body the way it is and don't want to medically transition at all, except maybe microdosing T- and thus i feel unwelcome in a lot of transmasc spaces- esp trans men spaces. a lot of transmasc blogs are just for trans men or for people who want to escape femininity at all costs and i feel like im just a "pretender" in these spaces because of all this (missing body dysphoria, not wanting to really transition, loving femininity, etc) and im always afraid of sharing my experiences on said blogs because of potential backlash- i feel like i have no real place to ask for advice or vent since of all of these factors. same for falling under the non-binary umbrella. since i am afab and dress feminine and dont want to really transition or be androgynous, and because i am fat i feel like i dont belong here either. people will tell me "im basically just a girl" , im not trying hard enough, im appropriating labels/experiences or the infamous theyf** slur because of that. agender spaces are the ones im most comfy in since not having a gender means no requirements in the community- but for being transmasc/partially a trans guy & being enby theres always requirements and ""rules"" and it sucks hard. im having a constant gender crisis because of this because im afraid i am just a pretender. i am also gay (if i experience attraction) and i feel like im infiltrating "mlm" spaces because of this. gay is the ONLY label that fits me, and i would go lenghts to be able to use it. i would undergo top & bottom surgery to be seen as "a proper guy" to use it- but i really dont want to at all. that would be forcing myself to conform to other people's expectations. when you're not the "right kind" of trans and/or enby you feel like an alien in spaces that were meant for people like you and it's frustrating to say the least. i feel like i am what transphobes call "transtre*nders" at this point. sorry again for this. feel free to ignore if this doesn't fit here or the accounts purpose- im not sure if this counts as exorsexism.

this is exorsexism.

Hi as a binary (genderqueer) guy I personally do not experience exorsexism, but I really love your blog. It's incredibly insightful and important to talk about this stuff :)

So thanks!

you're welcome, and thank you too <3

If someone uses he/they or she/they that means using they/them is always correct for them UNLESS THEY STATE OTHERWISE. No one gets to decide what pronouns to use for someone else. Just saw someone get an anon saying that using they/them for Gerard Way (he/they) was performative because they’re also fine with “him.” That is textbook nonbinary erasure. If you know people who use binary pronouns as well as they/them, and if you find yourself using mostly their binary pronoun maybe practice using they/them as well. Nonbinary people exist, no matter the pronouns we use, and we deserve to be seen, recognized, and respected for what we are not what YOU see us as.

this is exorsexism.

"binary trans people feeling pushed out from the trans community" - interesting use of the passive voice. and just who exactly are you saying is doing the pushing out? it's clearly a jab at nonbinary people who finally take up space in trans communities. at least commit to the bit and say "nonbinary people are pushing out binary trans people", but no, you want that plausible deniability, you want to be able to go "but i never said anything about nonbinary people, so i'm not exorsexist!"

this is clearly a case of a binary trans person feeling threatened by the increased visibility of nonbinary people outside and within trans communities. it's clearly a case of binary fragility and not wanting to give up your privileged position inside the trans community. nonbinary people are included in the most half-ass way possible and binary trans people fear no longer being the centre of trans attention.

the idea of having a space only for people who hold a certain privilege within a community is also incredibly dodgy. there's no need for a space only for trans people who are fully, exclusively and always either male or female. that will just lead to some purity gold star binary idea. we don't need that. there should be spaces for people who are on a similar space on the gender spectrum, like spaces exclusively for trans women, but they shouldn't be exclusive to binary trans women. and there should be spaces for marginalised people away from people who have privilege over them, like nonbinary spaces, but a space for privileged people away from more marginalised people sounds very dodgy.

nonbinary people are not a threat, nor are we pushing anyone out. we want to participate and be welcomed into the trans community the way binary trans people always have been. we want equality. and if that equality, or even the half-hearted inclusion we currently have, somehow offends you, then that's a you-problem.

I’m bigender, male and female, and AFAB. I’ve been chased out of transmasc groups for having she/her pronouns in my bio alongside he/him and told to stop invading trans spaces. I’ve been called Cis+ in nonbinary spaces and told I “don’t count” because I absolutely loathe being referred to as they/them and don’t care to present androgynous. The only spaces where I’m really welcomed based on my gender is in women’s spaces, and that’s only because I look like a cis woman most of the time; if I mention being bigender I’ll get comments like “girl why are you here then 😐” and “I’ve heard of internalized misogyny but this is something else!” if I’m not just outright kicked out first. So ultimately I’m not welcome in cis spaces, trans spaces, OR nonbinary spaces, so that’s lots of fun! /s

this is exorsexism.

I'm bigender, I personally don't use they/them pronouns because I just don't think it fits me, I use she or he. It's annoying when people use they/them as a default for gnc or genderqueer people, a lot of the time when I specify my pronouns are she/he I get they/them'd instead because these two things are equivalent in a lot of people's minds. I also feel like an asshole if I correct people because I see that they're trying to be inclusive! And I get the impulse to not refer to me as my agab because they feel like it's misgendering me because I'm trans! but i promise you I'm telling you it's ok! He or She! Switch between them even! Also more minor rant but a lot of pronoun inclusive pins/stickers ect will have she/they or he/they but not she/he. They/them isn't a genderqueer/enby default! Use they/them only when people ask you to use they/them!

this is exorsexism.

use they/them if you don't know someone's pronouns or if someone told you their pronouns are they/them. if someone tells you explicitly that their pronouns are NOT they/them, don't use it. this is as true for nonbinary people who don't use they/them as it is for binary trans people.

this is just a reminder that exorsexism and binarism are not to be used interchangeably. "binarism" seems like the intuitive term for bigotry against nonbinary people, but it is reserved for bigotry against cultural genders due to the gender binary being forced onto cultures by white european colonisers. all binarism is exorsexism, but not all exorsexism is binarism.