@ me

I don’t usually post personal things on here to this extent. But like shit. Comment section be active please. I’m learning there is trauma that is deeply rooted within my soul and I can’t break from it. I can’t breathe most days. I feel really stuck only because I can’t talk about it because I choke on my words. I can’t express myself due to deep mental abuse riding my mind daily. I feel suffocated with my own existence. I feel suffocated like damn. I was freeing myself just to be reminded I’m not free at all. It was all an illusion. A trick. A play. Really funny how magic works in its favor...

Sexual Assault Awareness month.

Instead of saying you’re a victim of SA. Start saying you’re a SURVIVOR of it. Because me and anyone else who’ve gone through this trauma and came out of it, is a survivor. Don’t let them steal anymore of your worth. Please know you’re not alone. Anyone struggling with healing or just the trauma of this, please talk to me. I also have been SA. So I understand on many levels how it can affects someone even years later. 🤍

“Having DID is rare-“

Ok and being a beekeeper isn’t the most common profession ever but I sure see a lot of them when I search “beekeepers” in online spaces.

when you’re healing, you will fuck up. maybe you’ll relapse, maybe you’ll do something you know is gonna hurt you, maybe you’ll deprive yourself of something you need, whatever. but healing isn’t linear, its wibbly wobbly and weird. you’re not terrible for messing up, you’re not terrible for not being ready to move forward, you’re not terrible for not being perfect. you still deserve healing, and you still deserve respect.

i wish i could deactivate my life account

DID is visually boring, its time people learn the truth.

More so we struggle internally. It affects the mind, body, and spirit. Switches, black outs, shutdowns. We deal with an inner world. We deal with shit people can’t see on the outside. We deal with dealing with consequences due to other alters being out making poor or rash decisions. We deal with stress, anxiety, inner conflict, trauma, flashbacks, and more.

Shout out to systems whose symptoms are interfering with life right now.

Dissociative amnesia making you forget what you were supposed to do at work? Me too, we’re in this boat together.

Inconvenient switching mean someone’s stuck in front who shouldn’t be? It happens, and I hope it gets better soon.

Flashbacks and nightmares keeping you awake at night? You have my well wishes and hopes that sleep comes soon.

The symptoms of this disorder are far more numerous than those few, but know that you aren’t any lesser because you’re struggling with your disorder right now. It’s called a disorder for a reason. You’re just as worthwhile and valuable as everyone else, and you are loved all the same here.

always wishing I could just not be in front for a while. idk why I'm always here, I've never seen a system like me where the host isnt able to like, fully switch out and not be aware. when switches happen I'm like, "me but not" and sometimes I can tell who it is, sometimes I can't, but I'm always aware until they switch out and I'm fronting alone, and then my memories of them being out get all blurry and forgotten, and that's part of how I recognize switches. but I never have possessive switches and am *always* in front. I'm just so tired

i have a memory disorder and i hold grudges

i can not forgive but i will forget

Amnesia is weird 'cause it's like. No, I don't remember anything about what you're talking about. Yes, I've seen that picture of the subject before. No, I don't remember seeing the picture, I just know I have seen it. My mind has granted me one crumb of memory and that's all I'm getting from it. But please continue talking about this, I'm interested in whatever piece of bread caused this crumb to exist. You know?